MODULE 8
CHRISTIAN PHILOSOPHERS ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
LYCEL L. PACHECO, PhD
09176298852 | FB: Lycel Lagnason Pacheco
Email: lycellagnasonpacheco@[Link]
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MODULE 8
CHRISTIAN PHILOSOPHERS ON MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
MOST ESSENTIAL LEARNING OUTCOMES
At the end of this module, the learners are expected to:
Appreciate sex both as a concept and act
Discuss the meaning of total self-giving
Explain the similarities between pleasure and love
CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE
“What is honor compared to a woman’s love? What is duty against the feel of a newborn son
in your arms . . .Wind and words. Wind and words. We are only human, and the gods have
fashioned us for love. That is our great glory, and our great tragedy”
- Maester Aemon, from George R.R. Martin’s A Game of Thrones
INTRODUCTION
Love and Responsibility is a book which caused a sensation when it was first published
in the original Polish, for discussing taboo topics on sensuality, unsatisfied wives faking
orgasms, how to make natural family planning work, and the importance of mutual sexual
climax. To top it all, it was written by a cleric. LR was written when Karol Wojtyla, later
Pope John Paul II, was a philosophy lecturer on phenomenology and existentialism.
It is said that Wojtyla’s information on sex came from his kayaking and skiing retreats
with some 200 married and single friends. Like the celibate Hindu priest Vatsyayana,
author of the Kama Sutra, Wojtyla believed that it is his duty to reflect on the dignity of
human sexuality at the onset of the sexual revolution in the 60s. From his work, we can
put into perspective Philippine family law policies on absolute divorce, same-sex unions,
monogamy, and artificial birth control that solidified under John Paul II’s long and
charismatic papacy.
LESSON INPUTS
While most sex education studies interpret man’s sexuality much like animal sexuality, Wojtyla
reminded us that what is “natural” to beasts is “subnatural” to humans. Man has the power of self-
determination and free will to choose his sexual acts, unlike animals. As a thinking being, a person is
rational, his sexual activity, being “choices,” are issues of morality-of personal responsibility and
freedom. Man is not simply a sexual being; he or she is a sexual person.
The Sexual Partner as a Person
Wojtyla reformulated the Kantian imperative in that anyone who treats another as means to an end
violates that person’s natural right to pursue his ends. According to Wojtyla, “you may not treat a
person as only the means to an end, but must allow for the fact that he too should have distinct
personal ends”. A person must thus be loved as he or she is, accepted and regarded in his totality, and
not only sexually desired.
Sexual objectification reduces a person to a consumer item, making him or her dispensable once
another person possesses the same attribute or when the person loses his or her desirable traits. Love
is the only legitimate sexual response to a person, which ensures that the other will not be treated only
as a sexual object.
The value of a person demands an unconditional commitment of the will in the fullest possible way.
In sex, this occurs in the demand for committed love in marriage. In sex, there is the meeting of bodies
and souls; of minds, emotions, and sensibilities. Because of this, persons are most susceptible, given
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up, and lost to the other, in moments of orgasm. The consequence of sex has considerable existential
effects spelling life and death, love and hatred. Sex without its life-making and lovemaking values runs
the risk of reducing sexual persons to mere pleasure commodities.
Pleasure and Love
Pleasure is natural and good, but it is not the highest good. Love is the fullest realization of the
possibilities of man. Because of love, one expects and discovers more from oneself because of the
affirmation of the other. Wojtyla spoke of “altero-centrism,” saying that the sexual instinct moves the “I”
of the instinct of self-preservation to the “I” of another. By losing oneself to the other, one gains oneself
with the other. Explaining self-sacrifice and self-limitation, Wojtyla said that man longs for love more
than freedom — freedom is the means and love is the end.
Again, the sexual urge is a natural drive. Sensuality is not a sin since it can be biological. “In any
normal man, the lust of the body has its own dynamic, of which sensual reactions are a manifestation…
a sensual reaction generally runs its full course even if it meets opposition”. In fact, sexual desire exists
because one needs the other sex. Urge is an expression of the need for a complement.
Here is where Wojtyla established what is normal from deviant sexuality. “The natural direction of
the sexual urge is towards a human being of the other sex and not merely towards ‘the other sex’ as
such”. It is “person of the other sex.” Pornography, fetishism, and self-indulgence do not deal with
persons but with mere attributes and fantasies. In homosexuality, both partners have the same
attributes, the giver and the receiver bearing the same gender. It is man and woman who have intrinsic
biological, emotional, and psychological differences that make them fully complement each other. In
this relationship, one meets his or her true Sexual Other that can bear fruit to a new life.
In human phenomenology, “love is a phenomenon peculiar to the world of human beings”. In the
animal world, only the sexual instinct is at work. Love is neither the sensuality nor the romantic feeling
of it, but the decision to demand from oneself for the sake of one’s love even if one sometimes does
not anymore “feel” in love. While love starts and flourishes with sensuality and sentimentality, it must
be able to survive losing these physical and emotional courses by an act of the will. If there is a will,
there is a way for love to survive.
The Meaning of Total Self-Giving
A fully developed sexual relationship is only possible in a durable union where total self- giving is
encouraged. This is not the case in cohabitation and in “trial” marriages, which are conditional and
indicate that the couple is not ready for a long-term commitment. The commitment of monogamy in
marriage is necessary “to signify the maturity of the union between a man and a woman, to testify that
theirs is a love on which a lasting union and community can be based, a family can rightly be found.
Further, sex is more enjoyable between couples when they have the “the right to live in total intimacy”.
Meanwhile, total self-giving can be frustrated by contraception. If a man truly loves his wife, he
needs to accept and regard the natural order, the natural cycle of the woman, as part of her being. The
couple will see each other’s fertility as a gift, not a disease to be medicated. The husband will adjust to
the woman’s bodily rhythms than place an artificial barrier in their very act of lovemaking. Man can
master his nature only by caring for, and not by mutilating or interfering with, his healthy and normal
reproductive designs.
“Biological methods, besides causing temporary barrenness, may bring about serious and
irreversible changes in the organism,” argued Wojtyla. He explained that “chemical means are in their
very nature cellular poisons, otherwise, they would not have the power to kill genital cells, and so they
must be physically harmful. Mechanical means cause local injuries in the woman’s reproductive tract,
and what is more, interfere with the intensity of the act”.
Finally, love is not just something in the man or in the woman, but something that must be
common to them. Love is bilateral. It is shared and interpersonal — “a force which joins and unites”.
Trust can only happen between a couple if they know that they regard each other as lifetime partners.
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Marriage
Marriage is a special contract of permanent union between a man and a woman entered into in
accordance with law for the establishment of conjugal and family life. It is the foundation of the family
and an inviolable social institution whose nature, consequences, and incidents are governed by law
and not subject to stipulation, except that marriage settlements may fix the property relations during the
marriage within the limits provided by this Code (Article 1, Title 1, Family Code of the Philippines).
The basic objective of marriage is to establish conjugal and family life. Thus, marriage is:
1. A special contract between a man and a woman
2. A foundation of the family
3. An inviolable social institution
Marriage is a special contract and must be distinguished from ordinary contracts because of the
following considerations:
Ordinary contracts are mere contacts; a marriage contract is also a social institution
In ordinary contracts, the agreements entered into usually depend on the stipulations
agreed into by the contracting parties unless those stipulations are against the law,
public policy, public order, morals, or good customs. In marriage, the nature and the
consequences, as well as the incidents, are governed by the law - excepts with
reference to marriage settlements. In marriage, therefore, stipulations are of no value.
An ordinary contract may end either through express provision of the law, through
expiration of the term, through fulfillment of the purpose for which the contract is
entered into, or through mutual agreement by the parties concerned. In marriage, only
death or annulment for legal causes dissolves the marriage contract.
Essential requisites for marriage are:
A. Legal capacity of the contracting parties - the parties must be a man and a woman and must
be in legal age (18 years), otherwise, the marriage contract is void ab initio.
B. Consent freely given to the solemnizing officer - this must be from both parties. If one is
insane, when the consent is obtained by fraud and intimidation, and when consent is
vitiated, the marriage contract is deemed voidable.
Formal requisites for marriage are:
A. Authority of the person solemnizing the marriage - the persons authorized to solemnize marriage in
the Philippines are:
a) Municipal/City Mayor
Absence of any of b) Judge within his/her jurisdiction
the formal c) Military Commander, Chief of Airplane, or Ship Captain
requisites - the d) Any Reverend/Pastor, Minister, Priest, Imam, or Rabbi of
marriage if “void ab any church or religious sect
initio”, unless one B. A Marriage License (except in a marriage of exceptional character) - what
or both of the is required is the marriage license, not the marriage certificate. The latter is
parties are in good not an essential or formal requisite; thus, an oral solemnization is valid. In
faith. fact, a marriage may be proved by oral evidence.
C. A Marriage Ceremony - a marriage ceremony must be made in the
presence of not less than two witnesses of legal age.
Separation
Separation of spouses through a legal process is widely known as divorce. Generally, divorce is
the process of terminating a marriage or marital union. It usually entails the canceling or reorganizing
of the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage, thus dissolving the bonds of matrimony between a
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married couple under the rule of law of the particular country or state. In the Philippines, there are two
kinds of divorces - absolute and relative divorce.
a) Absolute Divorce (divorce a vinculu matrimonii) - Marriage is dissolved. Presently, the
Philippine law does not honor this type of divorce.
b) Relative Divorce or Legal Separation (divorce a mensa et thoro) - Marriage is not
dissolved; here, the parties are merely separated from bed and board. A petition for legal
separation may be filed on any of the following grounds:
Repeated physical violence or grossly abusive conduct directed against the petitioner,
a common child, or a child of the petitioner;
Physical violence or moral pressure to compel the petitioner to change religious or
political affiliation;
Attempt of respondent to corrupt or induce the petitioner, a common child, or a child
of the petitioner, to engage in prostitution, or connivance in such corruption or
inducement;
Final judgment sentencing the respondent to imprisonment of more than six years,
even if pardoned;
Drug addiction or habitual alcoholism of the respondent;
Lesbianism or homosexuality of the respondent;
Contracting by the respondent of a subsequent bigamous marriage, whether in the
Philippines or abroad;
Sexual infidelity or perversion;
Attempt by the respondent against the life of the petitioner; or
Abandonment of petitioner by respondent without justifiable cause for more than one
year.
Annulment
Annulment is a legal procedure within secular and religious legal systems for declaring a marriage
null and void. Unlike divorce, it is usually retroactive, meaning that an annulled marriage is considered
to be invalid from the beginning almost as if it had never taken place. Thus, the grounds for annulment
must exist at the time of the celebration of the marriage. A voidable marriage is valid until it is annulled.
Before annulment, the voidable marriage must be regarded as valid. One cannot just take the law into
his own hands. He must go to court (Landicho v. Relova). Here are the grounds for annulment of
marriage:
Non-age - In a marriage where any of the spouses are not of legal age and are aging
below 25 years, parental consent must be obtained.
Unsoundness of Mind - The parties must possess the mental capacity the law
requires for the making of the will. The true test is when the party knew what contract
he was entering into. Unsoundness of the mind also includes intoxication,
somnambulism, and drug addiction, which results in lack of mental capacity to give
consent.
Fraud - Generally, there is fraud when, through insidious words of machinations of
one of the contracting parties, the other is induced to enter into a contract which,
without them, he would not have agreed to.
Force, Intimidation, or Undue Influence - There is force and violence when serious or
irresistible force is employed. Intimidation exists when one of the contracting parties is
compelled by a reasonable and well-grounded fear of an imminent and grave evil
upon his person or property. It extends to their descendants, and ascendants as well.
Finally, undue influence exist when there is control over one’s own will.
Impotence or Physical Incapacity - Impotence (impotencia copulandi) refers to lack of
power of copulation and not to mere sterility (impotencia generandi). Although
impotency carries with it sterility, a sterile person is not necessarily impotent.
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Impotency is a ground to annul marriage because if known to the impotent person, a
grievous fraud and injury has been committed; and if unknown, there is a violation of
an implied warranty.
Sexually-transmitted Disease - These include AIDS, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea,
hepatitis, and the like, provided, they are serious. Of course, AIDS is not only serious,
it is fatal.
Legal separation (LS) may be distinguished from annulment (AT) of marriage, as follows:
ANNULMENT LEGAL SEPARATION
The marriage was defective at the very There was no defect in the marriage at the
beginning. beginning.
The cause for annulment must be alreadyThe cause for legal separation arises after
existing at the time of the marriage. the marriage celebration.
There are six grounds for annulment. There are ten grounds for legal
separation.
Annulment dissolves the marriage bond; The marriage remains.
the parties are free to marry again.
SUMMARY
How does one measure love? Love is gauged by responsibility. The full stage of love is
reached when the “I” becomes inseparable from the “I” of the other.
It is love that lasts in sickness and in health, in richness and in poverty, for better or for worse;
a love that in all conditions cannot abandon the other because the other is already part of
oneself. This is the trajectory and goal of marriage, for two people to become one; and their
union and original calling no man must put asunder.
Explore More!
Use this QR code to watch my recorded video lecture on this
topic:
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