Diploma In Psychological Counselling

Serein
Educatio
n Centre
2021
TABLE OF CONTENTS
1. Introduction ……………………………………………………………………………….
…...2
2. Day One Material ………………………………………………..……………………….
…...3
3. Course Outline ……………………………………………………………………..….
……...7
4. Course Objectives …………………………………………………………………………….
8
5. Introduction to Personal Development …………………………………..
……………....9
6. Definition of Terms …………………………………………………………..…….
……….11
7. The Map of Counselling ……………………………………………………..
……………..12
8. Model Of Competent Reflective Counsellor ……………………...…………………...
16
9. Difference between Guidance and Counselling
……………………………………….36
[Link] to Theories of Counselling
………………………………………………..41
[Link] Theory – Sigmund Freud
……………………………………………….42
[Link] of Personality – Psychosexual
…………………………………………...44
[Link] of Personality
…………………………………………………………………....48
[Link] Stages of Counselling – Erik Erikson ……………………………….…
51
[Link] Technique
……………………………………………………………………..55
[Link] Therapy
Behavioural Counselling ……………………………………………………………..
…...60
[Link] Process in Behaviour Therapy
…………………………………………...65
[Link] Behavioural Approach (Rational Emotive Therapy)
…………………….70
[Link] Techniques …………………………………..
…………………………………..78
[Link] Techniques ……………………………………………..
…………………….80
[Link] Centered ……………………………………………..
……………………………...81
[Link] of Psychological Disturbance
…………………………………………………...85

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 [Link] …………………………………………………………………………………...89
[Link] of Human Development
Cognitive Development – Jean Piaget ……………………………………………..
…..105
Psychological Stages of Development – Erik Erikson ………………………….
….107
[Link] of Socialization …………………………………………………..
……………….112
[Link] Development Stages – Lawrence Kohlberg ……………………………….
….120
[Link] Work in Counselling …………………………………………………..
………….129
[Link] Psychology
Sexuality ……………………………………….........
……………………………………..133
[Link] Guidance and Counselling ……….
…………………………………………….146
[Link] Debriefing in Crisis and Trauma Settings
………………………….153
[Link] for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
…………………………………...166
[Link] in the Family
……………………………………………………….....190
[Link] of Grief ………………………………………………………………..
…...192
[Link] of Grief
…………………………………………………………………………....197
[Link] Counselling ……………………………………………………………..
……..202
[Link] and Burnout Management
……………………………………………………...215
[Link] of Self-Actualization ……………………………………..
…………...226
[Link] in Counselling ………………………………………………..…………………...230
[Link] 1 – Personal Development Exercises …………….
……………………….237
[Link] 2 – The Case Study of Kung’u
……………………………………………..247
[Link]
…………………………………………………………………………………..254

INTRODUCTION
This manual is a guide to the foundational course in Diploma in
Counselling Psychology. It is a comprehensive guide that

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summarizes the entire approach to experiential learning. It provides
an important base upon which the practice of counselling operates.
The course exposes the trainees to knowledge base, activities that
will enhance growth and also expose them to practice of skills thus
becoming all round therapeutic practitioners. It is thus believed to
form a foundation upon which the rest of the course will be build.

DAY ONE MATERIAL

1. Opening remarks
2. Introduction of the course

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 3. Self-Introduction- Name /place of work
4. Name game-Pen Exercise

Aim: Learning names, beginning of self –disclosure

Method: Sit in a circle and each person says his /her name.
In-depth Introduction
 Add details about self
 Names
 History and meaning of the first names.
 Age
 Marital status No of children +ages.
 Education background
 Employment /Occupation
 Family of origin history
 Counseling Background
 Places of Residence
5. Share participant’s expectations
(Write expectations down on a flip chart)
6. Course objectives
7. Give the details course outline according to modules.
8. Assessment of the course
9. Explain how the course will be conducted
 Lectures/lecturettes
 Group discussion
 Dyads and Triads
 Rounds
 Video/Audio
 Sharing in the main group
[Link] on sharing anxieties
 Write on piece of papers
 Collect in a bucket
 Random pick and read
 Record the flip chart /board
 Debrief the exercise.
11. Participants to share their needs.

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  What I need from the group in the year……..
 What I need to do to meet my needs for self /others
12. Exploration of ground rules:
 Confidentially
 Respect for each other in the group
 Support
 Discipline

13. The model of competent reflective counselor

UNDERSTANDING ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT COUNSELLOR
TRAINING
 Counselor Training is a professional training and counselor for
the quality of their work.
 Work with clients is at the heart of all training.
 Counselor training is about self, client and self with client.
 The counselor training is has the responsibility for providing
the necessary conditions and resources for learning to take
place.
 The trainee is able to take responsibility for learning.
 A counseling course is a collaborative learning community.
 Trainees and trainers are both robust and vulnerable.
 Trainees respond positively to affirmation and high expectation
and they are capable of achieving results beyond the ordinary.
 Learning is a lifelong process.

KEEPING A LEARNING JOURNAL

This is an activity, which you are required to engage in for the
duration of the course.
You will be asked to submit your journal and it will be assessed.
You may choose to share it with someone else. It will form part of
your learning Record, which must be submitted as a course
requirement. However, you may remove the personal journal section
if you wish.
What is it?
A natural, active, purposeful communication with self.
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How?
Write, doodle, sketch and play with your imagination.
Record immediate feeling, thoughts, interests and inhibitions.
When?
Whenever you wish
Result
A unique, unrepeatable story of self
Beginnings
Select your book;
 Small – convenient to carry around, may produce a cramped
writing style.
 Large – may encourage expansion, ease drawing as well as
writing, experimentation and elaboration.
 Blank – no subliminal messages from cover design or structure.
A page labelled with the date for each day suggests a diary
entry.
 Rainer suggests a large, undated, bound book.
 Scraps of paper can be stuck in or stapled on.

Principles;
 Write spontaneously – don’t judge your writing, trust your
process.
 Write honestly do not do with truth, more to do with unmasking
yourself.
 Write deeply – a dream to remember, meet someone who
could prove significant in your life.
 Write correctly? – a place where you don’t have to worry about
being perfect.
 Choosing your audience – best audience is your future self.
Encourages you to include all sensual vitality of the moment.
 Value contradictions – your only concern is to be true to
yourself within the moment.

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Where to begin:
 Begin with the present moment/present period.
 Get in touch with the immediacy of your life. (thinking and
feeling)
 Where are you in your life now?
 How do you live?
 What are you thinking, feeling, experiencing?
 What do you desire?
 What do you fear?
 What do you value?
 Whom do you care about?
 What is the significance of the present moment of your life?
 What is changing about you?
Or
 Can start with an image, feeling, or a description of the most
recent period of the past that has meaning, in the present.
Or
 A self-portrait
 A word portrait – not a detailed autobiography
 Use images or smiles
 Or begin with the day
 Description – include feelings, emotions,
 Or record a recent dream.

COURSE OUTLINE
Course code Unit Contact
Hours

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Module 1 Psy 201 Personal 20hrs
development
Module 2 Psy 202 Basic counselling 20hrs
skills
Module 3 Psy 203 Theories of 20hrs
psychological
Counselling
Module 4 Psy 204 Ethics in 20hrs
counselling
Module 5 Psy 205 Therapeutic 20hrs
psychology 1
Module 6 Psy 206 Therapeutic 20hrs
psychology 2
Module 7 Psy 207 Human growth and 20hrs
development
Module 8 Psy 208 Practice & 20hrs
supervision

COURSE OBJECTIVES.
BROAD OBJECTIVES

1. To provide high caliber counsellors training in the

knowledge, skills and professional base of guidance and
counselling
2. To enable the trainees to take a critical and analytical
approach to theory and practice in the area of
psychological counselling

SPECIFIC OBJECTIVES

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 1. To study the concepts of self in relation to development of
human relationships
2. To explore the profession of psychological guidance and
counselling in various fields
3. To develop skills of working with different people individually
as well as in groups
4. To increase awareness of personal strength and limitations
through experiential group process
5. To explore the application of counselling skills in various
ways and fields
6. To plan, implement and evaluate specific counselling
strategies appropriate to a range of problems experienced
by different people.
7. To increase awareness of ethical and professional issues
8. To reflect continuously upon learning and counselling

The training methodology comprises of lecturettes, small group

discussion, plenary, dyads, triads and other experiential activities to
relate the training to their own life experience.
The assessment criterion is through:
 Trainer and peer assessment
 Case study
 Sit in exams

INTRODUCTION TO PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

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Personal development exercises are part and parcel of
counselor training. They are very necessary in enhancing self-
disclosure and ability to be vulnerable. This enables the
counselor trainees to have an experience of how it feels to be in
the position of a client. PDs also aids in self-discovery and self-
awareness.
SELF AWARENESS IN COUNSELING

What is self-awareness?

This is being aware of our uniqueness and reflect upon it. It is having
knowledge of your inner core, i.e. your motivations, driver, feelings,
beliefs, values, power, attitude towards self and others etc.

Fundamental questions are:

a) Who am I?
b) Where am I going?
c) How am I getting there?
N/B: it is not easy to know yourself but you can develop the
ability to do so by:

 Self-assessment e.g. observing and being true to our

feeling.
 Life experiences
 Accepting feedback.
 Gathering information.
a) Why unique?
Each person including our clients are unique.

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 The uniqueness is brought out by 3 major part that influence a
human being

Environment e.g. social,

economic set ups e.g. family,
H/G E school, church, peer pressure,
friends etc.
Hereditary/genetic

C
Choices in life, lifestyles, occupation,
career

b) Multi – dimension, effect of the problem on the client.

3 Emotionally frustrated

Physically e.g. E/F

2
headache backache 4
P Spiritually confused e.g.
SP fanatism/withdrawal,
cultism .etc.
1
5
Cognitively mentally C
disturbed B

Behavior change e.g.

irritable, angry, rebellion
etc.
N/B: All the above are interrelated.
Why do counsellors need self-awareness?
 Personal awareness enhances personal growth and development
 One is able to respect the uniqueness and humanity of other
people.
 One becomes confident.
 Self-awareness leads to self-accepting and also ability to accept
others and accommodate their weaknesses.

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  Helps one to change negative thought to positive ones – what
you think is what you vibrate and what you vibrate is what you
attract.
DEFINITION OF TERMS

Counselling

Counselling is the skilled and principled use of relationship, which

develop self – knowledge, acceptance and growth and personal
resources. The overall aim is to live more fully and satisfyingly.
Counselling may be concerned with addressing and resolving
specific problems, making decisions, coping with crisis, working
through feelings and inner conflicts and improving relationships with
others (B.A.C, 1990).

Counselling is a way of relating and responding to another person,

so that the person is helped to explore her thoughts, feelings and
behavior so as to reach a clearer self – understanding and then is
helped to find and use her strengths so that she copes more
effectively with life by making appropriate decisions or taking action
(Inskipp & John, 1984).

From the above definition what are the benefits of

counselling?

e.g. increases level of awareness, helps one to know strength and

weaknesses….

What are the key words used to define counselling?

Answer: Relationship, process, skill (the three define the territory

or the map of counselling)

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THE MAP OF COUNSELLING

The territory that defines counselling has 3 major parts/components

Process

Relationship Skills &

Techniques

RELATIONSHIP BUILDING IN COUNSELLING

According to Tyler (1969) and Gilmore (1973) an effective

counselling relationship will be characterized by:

 Empathy
 U.P.R
 Genuineness
Communicating acceptance and understanding of clients assists
promoting the counselling relationships as a partner.

Other important dimensions include;

Supportive Versus Challenge

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Support means standing with and not rescuing. This is important in
the early stages when the relationship is fragile. However, if the
clients are to change, challenging them is important. Challenging
clients means encouraging them to explore more deeply and gain
better self-understanding. Challenges, not based on support are
perceived as dismissive and unfeeling. Support without challenge
may be unhelpful because clients are never enabled to shift beyond
their own limiting perspectives.

Trust versus Mistrust

Trust is developed when individuals behave in a consistent way and
show they are both understanding and accepting of clients. It is
important to keep time, confidentiality and personal boundaries.

Emotional Closeness versus Emotional Distance.

Clients will tolerate and need varying degrees of closeness with their
counselors. The counselor needs to balance between emotional
closeness and emotional distance – you avoid becoming emotionally
involved.

Relationship enhancers
Counselling is conceptualized as a social influence process. Strong
(1968) identified three counselor characteristics that enhance the
counselling relationship. That is:

 Expertness
 Attractiveness
 Trustworthy
The three make the quality of the relationship better and encourage
client’s involvement in counselling. The three variables are related

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to client satisfaction of counselling, changes in client self – concept
and less likelihood of premature client termination in therapy.

Expertness

It is known as competence. The client has the perception that the

counselor is competent in resolving his/her concerns/problems. The
counselor has to display relevant education, skills, specialized
training, experiences or other cases he/she has handled, certificates
and language. The counselor has to be assessed as knowledgeable.
Expertness helps in assessment, goal setting and intervention.
These stages require great skill or actual technical competence if
the counsellor is to make thorough and accurate assessment of the
client’s problem, help the client set realistic and worthwhile goals
and help the client take suitable action to reach these goals.

Non – verbal Verbal Behavior / Response

behavior/Response
Eye – Contact Relevant and though provoking
Forward Body Lean Structuring
Smiling Questions
Head Nodding Moderate levels of self-
Facing Client disclosure
Verbal attractiveness
Directness and confidence in
presentations
Interpretation and concreteness
Attractiveness

It is the client’s perception that you are friendly. You are likeable
and therefore you look similar to them. It should be a mutual
attractiveness when the client likes the helper and the helper likes

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working with the client. Attractiveness is both physical and
interpersonal.

a) It helps the client to open up

b) Helps the client to self-disclose
c) Reduces the client’s anxieties
Trustworthiness

It is the client’s perception and belief that you are not going to
injure them and whatever you do will be of help. Trust provides
safety for the client and enhances disclosure and exploration. The
counselor responds to both verbal and non – verbal communication.
Listening assures clients that you can deliver. Be sure to deliver
what you have promised.

a) Accurate and reliable

b) Information giving
c) Accurate paraphrasing
d) Dependability and constituency of talk and actions\
confidentiality
e) Openness and honesty
Expertness Attractiveness Trustworthiness
 Relevant  Physical  Role of a
education attractivenes helper
 Specialized s  Reputation for
training or honesty and
experience straight
 Certificates or forwardness
licenses  Luck of ulterior
 Seniority motives
 Status
 Type of setting
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  Display of
professional
literature
 Attire
 Reputed in
resolving problems
 Role of helper is
socially

MODEL OF COMPETENT REFLECTIVE COUNSELLOR

TRAINER

Stage 4 Stage 1
Interpersonal

THERAPIST Client + Trainee FACILITATOR

Stage 3 Intrapersonal Stage 2

SUPERVISOR
INTRODUCTION
The model is designed to develop competent and reflective
counsellors and is therefore a model for professional
development. It includes all aspects of professional and integrates
learning stages resources, theory, process, practice, outcome,
assessment and evaluation.
As the diagram illustrates, counsellor training is a cyclic progress
that will be influenced by the four stages.
Central to effective counseling is the counselors’ way of being
which includes personal growth and the ability to form
therapeutic relationship.
Intrapersonal development

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Intrapersonal development is self-development through self-
awareness and self-acceptance.
Interpersonal development
Interpersonal development is self-awareness and the awareness
of other relationship with peers, and other people, recognizing
self-emotions and emotions of others. Trainees will always be able
to engage in meaningful personal development relationships
when they TRULY feel free from judgment, assessment and
evaluation.
The model is intended to be cyclical but at any one time an
individual learner may need to focus upon and highlight one
aspect of training but always in the context of the whole
framework.
OBJECTIVES OF INTRAPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP
At intrapersonal development segment the learning include:-
i) To understand areas of strength and areas of
development in self.
ii) Gain confidence in self.
iii) To develop skills in giving and receiving feedback.
iv) To facilitate growth in self through active participation.
v) To continuously reflect upon successes and setbacks
through setting realistic objectives for development.

LEARNING OBJECTIVES AT INTERPERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

I) To gain confidence in appropriate self-sharing.
II) To develop skills of giving and receiving feedback.
III) To facilitate growth in self and others through active
participation.
IV) To develop helping relationship with clients.
V) To develop an internal supervisor.
VI) To continuously reflect upon success and setbacks.

STAGE 1. VALUES AND ATTITUDES

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Values usually denote worth, desirability and pricing.
Attitude means a settled way of thinking.
Attitudes, values and beliefs affect qualities of a good counsellor.
People should therefore act upon their attitudes and evaluate
their values in order to be helpful in therapeutic settings.
Sometimes we are surprised to find out that our actions simply
indicate our preferences of which we are not aware. Attitude can
change using technical skills and by allowing mental development
and change.
STAGE 2. KNOWLEDGE AND SKILLS
The model emphasizes the importance of learning from/through
experience. Learning does not take place until there has been
reflection upon that experience. There is a belief that deductic as
well as experiential learning has its place within a total counsellor
training programmme.
STAGE 3. SUPERVISION
For the purpose of interpersonal development, the trainers are
required to undergo counseling/therapy as well as continuous
supervision during training. This enables them to continuously
reflect upon learning, receiving feedback, sharing experiences,
writing journals and participating in practice.
STAGE 4. REFLECTION AND EVALUATION
This model is based on professional development and therefore
suggest that some sort of feedback into the assessment process
need to be made in the area of personal development and the
way we relate to others during the course.
PROCESS OF COUNSELLING

The process is summarized by three things-Exploration,

understanding and action:-

Exploration Stage

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Exploration means helping clients to articulate their concerns. To
explore means to look for, to search in order to discover.

To try and find out something. To go far and help in order to find
what is hidden. This is what the client is expected to do job. To look
deep within one to search for hidden motives, thoughts and feelings
– that are pushed from one’s awareness into unconsciousness.

Exploration is essentially an enabling and a clarifying procedure

through which people discover what is important for them, examine
their own behavior and find meaning in their feelings. It also
involves helping the, in the often painful process of sharing their
experiences, hopes and feelings.

A counselor has the responsibility for facilitating with them (clients)

and needs both to appraise and to monitor the process. The
following questions will help you to assess the exploration stage.

 How specific is the client being?

 How focused is the client being?
 How prepared is this client to talk about him/herself?
Hence, helping clients to explore entails providing them space to
talk about themselves and their concerns in specific and focused
ways. This helps them to acknowledge their strengths, weakness,
achievements, values and interests. It also means taking stock of
relationship resources and deficits, communicate back, economic,
and cultural factors.

What are the aims of the exploration stage?

- To establish a working relationship

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 - To clarify and define problems
- To make an assessment
- To negotiate a contract
These aims provide a framework for focusing your work and for
assessing both process and progress. They are stage specific – that
is they are outcomes more appropriate to the beginning stage of
counselling than to any other. If you do not address them, it is likely
your counselling will not have a secure enough basis from which to
proceed to other stages.

The understanding stage

The understanding stage is concerned primarily with helping the

clients to see themselves and their concerns in a new and more
empowering light. In this stage, the counselor influences the client
to adjust their frames of reference and to adopt different views
through challenging strategies.

Challenging stimulates clients to review and to question their

current frames of reference and to embrace more liberating
perspectives. Challenging places demand on clients to risk facing
aspects of themselves and their concerns which they may be
avoiding or overlooking.

The understanding phase therefore is a process of journeying

deeper into oneself, to clarify the impact of feelings, values,
attitudes and beliefs on current behavior. In this stage, the client is
helps to loosen the constraining perspectives that remove or reduce
the client’s capacity for action.

What are the aims of understanding stage?

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  To reassess
 To maintain the working relationship
 To pursue the work of the contract
Action Stage

The action stage of counselling deals with goals, actions and

termination. As a result of self – exploration and understanding
process work, the clients gain clearer understanding of themselves
and their concerns which provide the awareness for the change.
Planning and taking effective actions are made possible by the work
done at the exploration and understanding stages. Some clients of
course may choose to travel any farther with you.

Once they have explored their problems and gained a new view,
they see clearly what they want to do and set about to achieve it.
Others would need help to decide what change they want and
support while they try new behaviors.

The process of action planning includes a careful evaluation of

alternative goals to help the client reach a goal and then a mutual
agreement to implement the chosen actions.

An action plan is a specification of actions the client will take to

reach a goal. This implies a change in visible behavior, but it is also
used to describe strategies designed to facilitate changes in thinking
or feeling. Action plans are initiated in a counselling session, but a
good portion of their implementation involves activities out of the
session. After all, counselling amounts to no more than once a
week. Real change requires more practice than is allowed within

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the sessions. In addition, the transfer of learning to other settings is
crucial if the counselling goals are to be achieved.

Aims of Counselling at the Action Stage

The following are the aims of action stage

o To decide on the appropriate change

o To implement change
o To transfer learning
o To end the counselling relationship
SKILLS OF HELPING
The meanings of the word skill include proficiency, competence and
expertness in some activity. However, the essential element of a
skill is the ability to make and implement an effective sequence of
choices so as to achieve a desired objective. For instance, if you are
to be a good listener, you have to make and implement the choices
entitled in being a good listener. The fact that all skills involve
choices does not mean that the activities have to be carried out in a
mechanical way. Rather the skills approach to helping may free you
to be, more spontaneous. It is therefore important for every
counselor as a helper to be skills competent. In this section, the
following generic skills will be looked at; social skills, attending,
listening, reflection, interpretative listening, questioning,
confronting, minimal prompts, paraphrasing, summarization,
concreteness, focusing, immediacy and self-disclosure.

The core conditions; genuineness, empathy and unconditional

positive regard discussed in the process are also viewed as attitudes
that a counselor needs to have.

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Social Skills
Social skills include greetings, politeness and kindness. These skills
are very important in the beginning of the counselling relationship.

The purpose of Social Skills:

 Facilitate rapport building and establishing of a warm

relationship
 Communicate genuine interest with the counselee by the
counselor
 Generate trust between the counselor and the counselee
 Paving way to deeper relationships
 Creating conducive atmosphere for counselling
 Enhancing communication
To develop these skills a counselor needs to be aware of them and
their importance and practice them in daily relationships.

Attending

Attending is the ability to give complete and deep attention to the

counselee. It is displaying non – verbal behaviors that show the
counselee that the counselor is with them here and now. Attending
physically and psychologically can be summarized in the following
non – verbal behavior.

S Sit squarely – facing the counselee at a comfortable

distance(arm’s length)
O Openness – keep an open posture with arms and legs
uncrossed.
L Lean Forward – guide the body towards the counselee as a
sign of interest and concern in what the counselee is saying
E Eye – contact – maintain good eye contact but avoid starting

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 at the counselee
R Relax – avoid sitting stiff but maintain a comfortable position.

While it is good to observe SOLER, the cultural background, age and

sex of the counselee should be considered and adjustments made
accordingly.

Observations

These skills enable the counselor to see the counselee’s behavior

and pick out non – verbal messages. Information gathered helps the
counselor to understand the nature and intensify of the problem and
how the counselee feels. The following observation should be made:

Physical – physical appearance, level of energy, grooming

Emotional – facial expression, pasture

Interpersonal – how the client relates to your tone (positively,
negatively and naturally).
If there is a discrepancy between what the counselee says verbally
and their nonverbal communication, believe the non – verbal. It
rarely deceives and people communicate more accurately through
non – verbal behavior rather than verbally.

Listening
Listening is one of the most important skills in counseling. It is an
active process and not just a simple passive process of hearing. The
listening skill is not a neutral but a skill that the pastoral counselor
must work to develop. Effective listening is the ability of the
counselor to hear well and recall accurately both verbal and non –

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verbal messages of the counselee. There are two types of listening
commonly used in counselling namely;
 Active Listening
 Interpretive Listening
Active Listening
There are two types of active listening namely:

Restatement: this is repeating what the counselee has said, for

example

Client: I feel very confused

Counselor: you said you feel very confused

Restatement gives the counselee an opportunity to consider their

own thoughts and confirm or deny what they are saying.

Rephrasing

This is summarizing what the counselee has said in your own words.
Rephrasing is useful if the client has given a lot of information and
may be upset and incoherent. While rephrasing, the counselor
should summarize the context of the message and perhaps use one
feeling word.

Benefits of active listening

 Put the feelings of the counselee into words.

 Identifies and clarifies counselee’s emotions, giving them
insight and perspective.
 Gives a counselor a chance to check out their perceptions of
the counselee and confirm or modify their perception.
 Build trust and rapport.
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  Gives the counselee the freedom to express own feelings and
deal with them. This facilitates healing.
 Moves the communication beyond the surface to the root of
the problem.
The following hints can help a pastoral counselor to listen
with understanding:

 Confirm that what the counselee is saying is what they mean.

 Understand the tone and mood of the counselee’s statement.
 Link with and use the languages of the counselee.
 Identify the key phrases used by the counselee
 Hear and listen to the counselee’s emotions and moods.
 Attend to the thoughts that matter to the counselee.
 Discover what the counselee make of their situation or what it
means to them.
 Respect the counselee’s struggle to make progress in
understanding at their pace.
 Confirm with the counselee how you understand them.
 Listen for any incongruence between the counselee’s verbal
and non – verbal messages.
 Suspend your own reactions to what the counselee is saying.
 Beware of any distractions that may interfere with your
listening.
 Beware of the responsibility of your pre – occupation with your
responses to the counselee. Avoid breathing into conversation
whenever there is a pause.
 Listen to yourself, including your feelings. This will enable you
to listen to others as well.

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Reflection of feelings

Reflection is a powerful technique for communicating,

understanding and conveying empathy. In reflection, the counselor
tries to express the meaning she perceives to be implicit in the
utterance of three counselee. A counselor can mirror or reflect the
content of what the client is saying. For example, you want to
commit suicide since you have tested positive for HIV or the
counselor may reflect the feeling(s) in the message conveyed by the
client. For example, you are feeling worthless and unwanted.

Reflection is not:

 An interpretation of feelings.
 Parrot like repetition.
 Repetition of the physical feeling.
Reflection can be done by:
 Making short statements such as I bet that was frustrating
 Giving periodic summary of what has been going on. This is a
way summarizing feelings, for example, from all this, it sounds
like you have had a string of frustrations.
For every comment or summary of feelings, a counselee is supposed
to be given time to respond to what the counselor has said.

The purpose of reflection:

 Act as a catalyst to encourage the counselee’s responsiveness.
 Make the counselee know that they are being listened to and
their feelings are being understood.
 Enables the counselee to understand themselves.
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  Help the counselee to see the problems that are theirs and to
take responsibility for them.
Reflection can be used towards the end of the summarization or
earlier to clarify what appears to be an important cognitive aspect.
If reflection comes too early it may fail to capture the essence of
what the counselee is really trying to convey. If it comes too late, it
may lose its value or cause confusion. It is important for the
pastoral counselor to constantly remember that reflection is
essentially aimed at helping the counselee feel that we are with
them and able to understand how they feel or think.

Questioning
The ability to ask good questions is necessary for a counselor to be
an effective counselor. Good questions help the counselor to gather
important information about the counselee’s situation.
Good questions are normally based on what the counselee has said.
The counselor in return asks questions so as to explore the situation
in greater depth. The following tips should assists the church
counselor in their attempt to develop good questioning skills:
 Ask open-ended questions. Most of such questions start with
how? What? Which? Open ended questions are important
because they steer the discussion or provoke the counselee to
go give useful information.
 Avoid asking closed questions since they require a one word
answer which inhibits the counselee from saying more about
their situation. Closed questions start with such words as do
and are.

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  Do not ask questions with why? Why sound judgmental. Why
also asks the reason for doing something and puts a person on
the defensive, where he feels he has to justify himself.
 Do not ask too many questions. Ask one question at a time
and give the counselee an opportunity to answer.
 Keep the questions simple, short and specific
 Avoid questions with answers.
 Avoid questions that would manipulate the counselee into
preferred responses.
 Ask questions that serve a purpose, for example a question
that would challenge the counselee to think.
 Never ask questions out of curiosity.
 Do not allow questions to take up too much time.
 Ask circular questions. These questions link the past, present
and the future in terms of behavior and interaction.
Confronting
At times, the counselee may say things that seem to contradict
what he has already said. The counselor therefore ought to help the
counselee clarify what the actual situation really is. The counselor
then brings in the two contradicting statements to the counselee for
further reflection.
For example:
Client: I would like to really take my life away and at the same time
please God
Counselor: You are not sure whether taking away your life is an act
of pleasing God.

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Client: Am very sure it isn’t but I am so desperate and disappointed
with myself.
Counselor: The issue you have with yourself is self – hate that is
pushing you to wanting to kill yourself.

How to Confront

 Start with reflective responding

 Always start your response by showing that you have heard
and understood the counselee’s message. Then build on the
understanding with confronting response. This way the
counselee’s eyes will.
 Kept open to the counselor’s viewpoint.
 Where possible, help the counselee to confront themselves.
 Where the counselee is inconsistent, bring it to their attention
and allow them to choose their own conclusions about it. This
is called self – confrontation and is useful in that it leads to less
resistance than directly confronting them from external
viewpoint.
 Do not talk down.
 A major risk in confronting is that the counselee may perceive
what a counselor says as put -0 down.
 Use minimal amount of “muscle”. Strong confrontation can
create resistance especially in initial sessions where trust is not
yet established.
 Avoid threatening voice and body messages. Raising your
voice and pointing your finger should be avoided because it is
intimidating and threatening.
 Leave the ultimate responsibility with counselee.
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  Emphasize personal responsibility. The counselee should be
allowed to decide whether the counselor’s confrontation
actually helped them to move forward in their explanations.
 Confrontations should always be done in a loving, and non-
judgmental manner.
The purpose of confrontation
 To challenge the client to provide accurate information and for
the counselor to offer her perspective.
 To develop new perspectives and self-challenge.
Minimal Prompts
This is the art of encouraging clients to talk about their problem
situations.

The purpose of using prompts

 To show you are concerned about what the client has to say.
 To give support to the client so that he can go on.
 Throughout the encouragement, the counselor helps the client
to overcome his negative feelings, or being no good, being no
stupid, and being unworthy.
 The counselor encourages the client to for deeper and further
in exploring what he has started.
Examples of Minimal Prompts
o Nodding the head, the sound M-mmh, M-mmh, some
movement of the body, a smile and a questioning look and use
of open questions.
Paraphrasing

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 o Paraphrasing means restarting the content of what the client
has said. It mirrors the literal meaning of the communication.
Culley (1990) says it involves expressing in your own words
clients’ core messages.
The Purpose of Paraphrasing

 To check your perception of what the client has said.

 To communication core qualities of acceptance and
understanding.
 To gain information about how clients see themselves and their
concerns.
 Encourages clients to elaborate key ideas and thoughts.
 To build a trusting relationship.
 Helps the client to focus on a particular situation, even or
behaviors.
 Helps the client to make a decision because paraphrasing
clarifies the essence of the problem.
Summarization
Summarization is the process of tying together all that has been
talked about during part of, or all the counselling session. Nelson –
Jones (2000) offers that it involves picking up the main feelings,
themes and emerging directions in what the client says.

The Purpose of Summarization

 Acting as a bridge or stepping – stone during a session.

 Checking the accuracy of your understanding.
 Providing the closure.
 As a bridge between sessions.

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Concreteness
Being concrete means being able to get clients to be specific about
what they are saying.
Example
Counselor: if you were being more creative with yourself, what
would you be doing that you’re not doing now?

The Purpose of Concreteness

 Helps counselee to pinpoint exactly what the issues are that
need to be dealt with.
 It avoids generalization that lumps all things together leaving
both counselor and clients focused.

Focusing
This means prioritizing with counselees both in what order they will
tackle their concerns and what the force will be. Culley (1990)
cautions that; counselees often have multiple and complicated
concerns. They may feel overwhelmed and unable to separate what
is most important from that which has been suspended for a while.
Example
Counselor: You have mentioned… and… perhaps it might help to
focus on one specific issue. Where would you like to start?
Purpose of Focusing
 Helps to remove confusion.
 Helps the client to attend to the very pressing needs.
 It provides a direction of problem solving.
Immediacy

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Immediacy can be defined as the skill of discussing your relationship
with your clients and is also referred to as here and now or you -
me-talk. Culley (1990) says it is an in vitiation to explore the
relationship as a way of helping clients to reassess themselves and
their behaviors. It includes pointing out distortion, games and
discrepancies which are going on in the counseling room in the
relationship in the here and now.
Example
Client: You are like my mother, who dictates her intentions in my
life.
Counselor: You see in me a reflection of your mother who does
not respect your uniqueness.
Client: Yes, and I hate it, she has own life to lead and I have
mine
Counselor: You are really annoyed that your mother does not
let you be yourself. What you would want to get from me
is a relationship of trust.
Client: (Smiling) that would help; I miss that a lot, somebody to
believe in me as a problem solver.

Purpose of Immediacy
 To address lack of direction that might be having a bearing on
the relationship, any tension expressed between client and
counselor, lack of truth, attraction and dependency or counter
– dependency.
 It makes it possible for both client and counselor to see clearly
what is going on between them.

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  It helps the client to look at the interaction within the
relationship as it is happening.
Self-Disclosure
Stages of Termination
 Denial: Not coming to terms or accepting that termination is
inevitable
 Anger: Mad that this has happened
 Bargaining: Buying time by making unrealistic promises and
pledge
 Depression: Sadness on realization that termination has to take
place.
 Acceptance: Realistic acceptance and working out strategies on
how to cope better.

Referral
A counselor may not be equipped to meet the counselee’s every
possible need. The need for referral to agencies, other professionals
for further assistance may arise.
Note: A referral does not represent failure. It reflects good
judgment and professionalism of the counselor.
When to Refer:
There are issues and challenges that require referral. For example:
 Legal intervention required
 Medical attention
 Severe emotional disturbance

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  Clinical depression
 Extremely aggressive behavior
 Arranging adoption
 Physical abuse
 Financial needs
 Suicide
 Substance abuse
 Rape and sexual abuse
How to make a good referral:
Rely on rapport with the counselee. The counselor’s trustworthiness
and ability to communicate that she has the counselee’s best
interest in mind and will help the counselee to take referral as well.
 Help the counselee understand why he is being referred
 Give the counselee options (if there are any) to choose from
 Encourage the counselee to take the initiative in making the
necessary appointments
 Help the counselee to understand that referral does not mean
rejection or end of support
 Let him understand that referral is an extension of concern and
support
 The counselor should make follow – up calls or write a letter to
enquire how the counselee is and reassure him of continued
care.
GUIDANCE
Guidance is a continuous process concerned with determining and
providing for developmental needs for all pupils (Ministry of
Education, 1971).

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INFORMATION GIVING – it is passing messages or knowledge of a
particular subject or topic to an individual or specific group or
members of the public by use of posters, brochures, mass media
and workshops.

BEFRIENDING – it is a form of relationship with the intention to help

another. Two or more people are involved, it is voluntary and
deliberate.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GUIDANCE AND COUNSELLING
Counselling Guidance
1. Heart – specific issues that touch the heart  Body – issues that
2. The clients lead affect the body
3. Affective, deal with feeling, emotions, value  The counselor lead
and motivation to change  Knowledge based on
4. Not didactic (teaching) methods facts and
5. It is private principles
6. There is intimate therapeutic relationship  It is didactic
7. The number is 8 – 12 limited for good  It is public
interaction  Not intimate
8. It is experimental/experiential  You can have a large
9. It is less structured number
[Link] is remedial  It is informative
[Link] change is the aim  It is structured
 It is preventive
 Behavior change is the
goal
Advice Giving

It is giving of values and personal opinions whether solicited or not

to individuals or groups often based on the givers value.

Reasons for not giving advice

 Very often people do not want advice they want to be listened

to and understood instead.
 The advice given may be wrong advice.

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  People seldom take advice especially when they find it is not
right for them.
 If advice turns out to be wrong then a person who has
accepted it can abdicate personal responsibility, after all it
wasn’t their idea.
 Clients in counselling need to realize and utilize their own
abilities.
 Equality is vital in a counselling relationship. If the counsellor
give advices, the role of expect is reinforced and equality is
demanded.
 No two people have exactly the same experience in life, so
any advice given is bound to say more about the adviser than
it does about the person receiving it.
 Giving advice can be offensive and intrusive especially when
the person is being advised is emotionally upset and
vulnerable.
 Advice tends to address the superficial aspects of problem.
The deeper issues are often by – passed or ignored.
 Giving advice is one of the way communicating system. In
counselling, the client should be actively involved in the whole
process.
 Advice seldom helps clients to change.
WHAT COUNSELLING IS NOT…

Counselling is not a conversation.

 It is not simply two people exchanging information and

opinions.

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Counselling is not a discussion.

 Differing points of view are not being argued.

Counselling is not an interrogation

 The clients not been questioned in order to listen to himself

speak or air own opinions.

Counselling is not a confession

 The client is not being morally evaluated, pardoned or

observed by the counselor.

Counselling is not the search for diagnosis

 The client is not questions so that the counselor can find a

label or diagnosis for their problem.

Counselling is not the giving of information

 The client does not come to the counselor solely for

information although information may sometimes be given.

Counselling is not the giving of advice

 The counsellor does not tell the client what should I do

Counselling is not about influencing attitudes, beliefs and behaviors

 The client is not persuaded, compelled or threatened to change

his attitudes to those of the counselor.

Characteristics of a good counselor

1. Common Sense: This is extremely effective.

2. Naturalness: Don’t try give typical counselor responses or
clichés. Just be yourself.

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 3. Unapologetic: Do not apologize because you are not a
professional. One does not need to be professional to bring
calmness, control and order to a situation or help effectively.
4. Lending Strength: At a moment of emotional intensity, the
sense of being able to borrow another’s inner strength is very
assuring.
5. Calmness: Maintain your control. Do not let yourself be
overwhelmed by the urgency of the situation.
6. Shock Proof: Remain unruffled. Deal with non – verbal signs of
shock. Such signs will negatively affect the counselee’s trust in
you.
7. Empathic: Stay with counselee.
8. Cautious: Be tentative with the client.
9. Awareness of own pain: Beware of areas in your life which you
have not dealt with. This could make you ineffective to talk to
someone with similar pain.
10. Listen: The first expression of the problem is seldom the
real problem. Let the counselee explore.
11. Respect: in the pathos of the moment, curb the temptation
to promise more than you can come through with.
12. Ventilation of feelings: Allow the person to be expressive
of her feelings whether in angry words, tears or in any other way.
13. Adult Mode: Try to avoid talking to the counselee as if you
are a parent or authority. Avoid sympathizing, consoling or
advising. Treat the counselee as an adult.
14. Reintegrate: The individual will not gain much more from
the session if flooded with feeling in a gentle way. Help her to
feel more in control as she leaves you.
15. Guide back to cognitive: Once you have given time to
ventilate, help the client to get into a more cognitive mode.
16. Problem Solve: When the struggle seems to be
immediate, help her to problem solve.
17. Refer: When there are obviously deeper problems
stemming from unfinished past issues suggest more professional
counselling.

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 18. Reassure Acceptance: Once a person has expressed deep
feelings, she/he could feel embarrassed later provide re –
assurance.

INTRODUCTION TO THEORIES OF COUNSELLING

What is theory?
A theory is an attempt to explain causation and predict an outcome. It has
generally a set of inter – related principles that are put forward as an
explanation of known facts and empirical data. Brammer and Shostron
(1977) see a theory as a way of predicting, evaluating and improvement
of outcomes.

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IMPORTANCE OF A THEORY
1. A theory provides a base of good counseling.
2. A theory has a direct impact on a client’s communication and
conceptualization.
3. It is important for a counselor to understand his or her core
theoretical frame work/model.
4. Theories provide the basis for implementation of professional ethics.
5. Theories provides a framework for making scientific observation i.e.
approach of making sense of the counsellor’s observation.
6. They help counselors to understand what goes on in a counseling
relationship.
N/B Theories are very important because they provide the body of
knowledge needed for a competent reflective counselor.
Roll and May says that theory without practice is sterile and practice
without theory is blind and dangerous.
Theoretical framework
All theories comprise of the following:
1. Introduction
- Key figure
- Key concepts
2. Therapeutic process
- Goals
- Therapist functions and roles
- Therapeutic relationship
3. Psychological health and acquisition of psychological
disturbance.
4. Application
5. Contributions
Limitations

CLASSIFICATION OF THEORIES
 First force e.g. psychoanalytic theories by Sigmund Freud,
Adlerian theory by Alfred Adler (They concentrate on Early
Childhood Experiences)
 Second force – Behavioural [Link] believe that
Behavior can be learnt or unlearnt and [Link] include

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 behavioral theory, Rational emotive behavioural theory,
cognitive behavioural theory,Transanctional theory E.t.c
 Third force – humanistic theories or existential. They
emphasize on the value and respect of specific individuals. The
strength and encouragement of self, Personal growth,
Conscious thoughts rather than unconscious thoughts,The
present rather than the past,Growth and fulfillment rather than
Curing and [Link] include, Person
centred,Gestalt,Existential theory e.t.c

 Fourth force – these are systemic theories which include all

the family system theories. E.g Structural adjustment
theory,Theory of the Family of origin.

PSYCHOANALYTIC THEORY
(SIGMUND FREUD)
 Introduction
 Basic assumption.
 Key concepts.
I) View of human nature.
II) Structure of personality.
III) Development of personality (psychosexual stages).
IV) Conscious and unconscious states.
V) Anxieties.
VI) Mental defenses.
 Therapeutic goals.
 Therapeutic techniques.
 Limitations and strengths.

INTRODUCTION
Psychoanalysis is the brain child of Sigmund Freud who was born in
1856 and died in 1939. His place of birth was Moravia in
Czechoslovakia after which they shifted to Vienna after 4 years. His
parents were Jews. He was a 1st born in a family of 3 boys and five
girls.
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His father was authoritarian and therefore he was subjected to
upbringing problems, financial problems and were living in one
apartment.
He did philosophy, zoology and finally medicine. He had interest in
research.
In 1881 he worked as a doctor in the hospital of Vienna where he
worked with a doctor called Charcot (Charcot was a
neuropathologist). Freud was disturbed by how people were
becoming mentally ill and he started studying mentally ill patients.
Charcot was using hypnosis to treat them. Freud didn’t like hypnosis
because the client is dependent on the therapist.
Freud then changed the method to free association. He helped the
client to relax in a state of unconsciousness and freely share.
He suffered from psychosomatic illness and used free association to
heal himself. He fell in love with the mother and hated the dad, later
he suffered from cancer of mouth caused by heavy smoking.
Key concepts
View of human nature.
1. Sigmund saw human behaviour as being deterministic i.e.
behavior of a person is determined by several factors without
the conscious of a person. They include:- irrational forces,
unconscious motivations, biological and instinctual drives and
certain psychosexual events during the first six years of life.
(the most important stage of life)

2. Life and death instincts. (biological drives)

Human life is controlled by 2 main instincts life – erros (sexual
instincts) and death (aggressive instincts – tharnatos). Life
instincts are pleasure seeking instincts e.g. love, harmony,
peace etc.

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 Death instincts is unconsciousness desire to destroy ourselves
or others and property. A human being can create or destroy.
3. Psychic Energy

This is the energy that controls human behavior. It is the

energy possessed by human beings that gives the person the
desire and drive to do what they want to do.
4. Conscious and unconscious (sub conscious)
According to Freud the conscious (what we are aware of) forms
just a thin slice of the total mind. The unconscious forms the
greater part and stores up all the experiences, memories, and
repressed material. Needs and motivations that are
inaccessible
i.e. the unconscious (needs/motivations) materials is out of
awareness but influences our behaviour. That which we cannot
access.
5. DEVELOPMENT OF PERSONALITY
PSYCHOSEXUAL
Human Developmental process (psychosexual
developmental stages)
According to Freud, the psychosexual event of a human being
during the 1st 6 years of development are very important.
“libido – sexual energy – life instinct (sex drive for maintenance
of species. According to Freud everything we did was due to
our sexual energy. Later he discovered Thanatos) – sexual
energy is located in the mind.” If ones sexual desires are not
met/fulfilled at any stage over the 6 years, the individual
becomes fixated (character arrest) and experiences emotional
problems.
He came up with 5 stages of psychosexual development.
According to him the psychosexual stages are marked by
where the sexual energy is mainly concentrated at any
particular stage of human development (Erogenous zones)
which are :-
a) Mouth and its environs.

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 b) Anus.
c) Genital organs.
i) Oral stage (0 – 18 months)
The sexual energy is concentrated at the oral erogenous zone. A
child/person gets sexual satisfaction from the mouth and stimulation
of the lips. It coincides with breastfeeding. Everything the child gets
is directed to the mouth.
The child is involved in two main activities at this stage:-
- Holding something which is pleasurable into the mouth.
- Spiting that which is not pleasurable. Incase of aggression,
the child bites or uses the mouth to express anger.
If one is fixated at this stage, the oral activities can continue
being expressed in a symbolic way even when one grows up.
The person is said to have an oral fixation. He/she might
develop an oral aggressive behavior or an oral recessive
behavior or personality.
Oral aggressive e.g. drinking, (alcoholics), smoking, chewing,
too much talking, backbiting, abusive language, overeating,
those people who like putting things into the mouth etc.
Oral recessive – very quiet – can suffer from mistrust and low
self esteem.
ii) Anal stage – (2-3 years)
- This coincides with toilet training, sexual energy is
concentrated at the anal erogenous zone.
- Sexual pleasure is derived from stimulating the anal zone and
they(children) enjoy passing and playing with feaces. At this
stage children are learning to be in contact with the world. The
manner in which toilet training is done is very important. Very
permissive toilet training mode may cause a fixation as well as
a very strict toilet training mode. The child can thus develop
anal aggressive personality or anal retentive.
- E.g. – anal aggressive - such characters as wrecklessness, over
generosity, being disorderly, rowdy extra easy going etc.
- – anal retentive - when toilet training is strict – an individual
can learn to hoard e.g. the very mean/stingy, withholding,
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 shirking, over orderliness, need of personal space,
possessiveness, possessiveness [Link].
iii) Phallic stage (3-6 years)
- At this stage, sexual energy is located at the genitals. The child
gets pleasure by stimulating their genitals. The children plays
free (Both boys and girls) and likes playing mother and father
game. They are very inquisitive and curious on sexual matters
e.g. penis, pregnancy, birth etc. they are very vigorous in
understanding the environment.
- Freud came up with the Oedipus complex that occurs at this
point. His followers came up with electra complex.

Oedipus complex
Boys get attracted/attached to the mother and have sexual feelings
towards the mother. They see the father as the competitor and they
have unconscious fear of castration. Since he is dependent on the
father, the boy eventually identifies with the father> learning the
social roles of the father.
Electra complex(conflict)
Girls have sexual feelings towards the father, they see the mother
as the competitor and fear loosing the motherly love. She starts
identifying with the mother but the girl still has special attachment
to the father. At this stage, the father who operate by the ID can
rape their young daughters.
Both electra and Oedipus complex indicate fixation i.e. mixed
feelings towards the members of the opposite sex. i.e. hating and
loving (ambivalence) parents at the same time. If the parents of the
opposite sex happen to be very harsh/irresponsible, the person may
close them out of their mind and express difficulties in accepting
themselves as men or women.
Such people experience difficulties in maintaining relationships with
the opposite sex and also in expressing sexual arousal.
Some men suffer from mother complex (being too close to their
mother to the extent of forgetting their wives).

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Un resolved conflicts with the parents of the same sex over exercise
of authority leads to aggression, fear of passivity when dealing with
authority figures, bosses, teachers etc.
Some irrational unconscious decisions are made here e.g. to
become a homosexual, lesbian, rapist, enmeshment with parents,
promiscuity, narcissistic traits(extreme love of self), becoming a
priest etc. N.B. Personality is formed within the above three stages.
iv) Latency Stage (7 – 12 years)

In sexual matters, one slows down. Latency stage cannot be located

in any of the erogenous zone. Children become creative in other
fields. This is the school going age, boys want to be associated with
boys alone, and girls the same. They can call one another names.
Sexual activities become latent no major effects on the child.
v) The Genital Stage (12yrs – death)

Genital erogenous stage.

- At this stage the child has obtained genital maturity and can
now reproduce. The fantasies of phallic stage are revived and
they start relating with members of opposite sex, at a higher
level(called revisitation of phallic stage). Some excited ones
get over attached to parents of the opposite sex.
- Success of this stage depends on how earlier stages especially
phallic was negotiated.
- They have a lot of sexual energy since it cannot be used at this
time, they direct it to other socially acceptable activities e.g.
games.
- There is a lot of sexual experimentation at this stage.

6. STRUCTURE OF PERSONALITY

Freud stipulated that a person consists of ID, Ego and the Superego.
Human mind is born with one area fully developed i.e. the ID i.e.
behavior by instinct as noted in babies, ID is the pleasure seeking,
illogical and primary source of psychic energy.

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It is driven by one consideration in accordance with the pleasure
principle to avoid pain and satisfy instinctual needs. ID constantly
seeks recognition and release.
Ego develops after a time and balances ones needs and the needs
of others and society. Ego controls the consciousness and exercises
censorship – it is ruled by the reality principle. (it realistic)
Super – ego
Develops as the person grows and internalizes the moral values of
society.
- It represents traditional values and ideals of society as handed
down from parents to children. It evaluates what is morally
right or wrong. It functions to inhibit the ID impulses and
persuade the ego to substitute moralistic goals for realistic
goals and strive for perfection. E.g. When we say women
should remain in the kitchen – we are operating from super-
ego.

N/B- The 3 parts – compete for the available psychic energy and
one experiences intra – psychic conflict.
7. ANXIETY CONCEPTS
- This is a state of tension that motivates us to do something.
Anxiety develops out of conflict between the ID,Ego and Super
ego over the control of available psychic energy. The function
is to warn of impending danger. As a result we have 3 levels of
anxiety;
i) Neurotic anxiety
This comes as a result of conflict between the ID and the
other parts. It comes out of fear that instincts will get out of
hand and lead to punishment e.g. men don’t cry
manifestation of this anxiety – headache, stomach ulcers
etc.
ii) Reality anxiety
We get it from Ego. It comes as a result of real threat/danger
from external world e.g. the child might fall, knocked by a

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 vehicle, meeting with a fierce dog etc. Reality anxiety is
rational and equitable to the source of the fear.
iii) Moral anxiety
It comes from the conflict between the super ego and the
other parts. It is more to do with the conscience. At times it
is irrational. It is when a person is fearing to do what is
contrary to the societal norms e.g. internalizing the idea that
sex is bad which might affect a woman’s behavior in bed.

8. Mental defense mechanisms

- when the Ego is unable to maintain balance ( minimize tension and
conflicts) by rational and direct methods it resorts to the irrational
and unrealistic ones in order to survive i.e. Ego defense
mechanisms, they include:-
(i) Projection
This is where one ascribes their undesirable desires and
unacceptable impulses to others or attributing their failures to
others e.g. I point my hidden fantasies to others who are daring.
(ii) Repression
Pushing painful and threatening things to the unconscious.
This explain psychosomatic illness where emotional distress is
translated to symptoms like headache, chest pain, gastric upset,
skin conditions etc.
(iii) Denial
The ego blinds itself from what is threatening, i.e. refusal to accept
something that has happened or one has done e.g. failure in exam.
(iv) Displacement
This is shifting fantasies, anger or undesirable emotions to a lesser
threatening object. It is also known as “kick the cat syndrome”. This
is away of coping with anxiety when the legitimate target is too
strong. e.g. lady boss who is annoyed by the husband venting it out
on workers and vise versa.
(v) Sublimation
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i.e. redirecting ones energy to constructive activities. i.e. those with
socially acceptable results e.g. sexual or aggressive energy to
sports.
(vi) Identification
That is conforming in order to fit into a group i.e. if you can’t beat
them join them. E.g. youth identifying with the peers.
(vii) Reaction formation
This is actively expressing the opposite impulse or feeling to conceal
the real feelings people consider unacceptable. E.g. demonstrating
love to one you hate before people, smiling to a visitor but cursing
from inside etc.
(viii) Rationalization
This is getting good reasons to explain away a bruised ego. E.g.
explaining away failure. A thief may rationalize that after all, he is
stealing from the rich.
(ix) Regression
Reverting to a behavior that one has out grown. E.g. wetting the
bed, or a grown up woman crying to get her husband’s attention like
they did in childhood. This happens when the environment becomes
so threatening to cope.
(x) Introjection
Taking in and swallowing whole values and standards of others in
order to fit in or to play safe. E.g. refugees in a harsh area or people
in a concentration camp etc.
(xi) Compensation
This is developing certain positive traits to make up for one’s
limitations, e.g. being extra neat at the sitting room to hide a sexual
dysfunctionality.
(xii) Ritual and undoing
Performing elaborate rituals as way of undoing acts for which one
feels guilty e.g. showering a child you neglected with extra love.

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(xiii) Humour and jokes
When used in excess Freud saw them as a way of hiding true
feelings?
PSYCHOSOCIAL STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT
ERIK ERIKSON
This was brought forth by Erik Erikson who was another
psychodynamic theorist who believed that society has a lot of role to
play in molding up a child. He acknowledged everything also said by
Sigmund but he said that Ego had strength to resolve conflicts more
than it was portrayed by Freud. He thus came up with 8
psychosocial stages of development. Each stage contains a
developmental task which presents an individual with a crisis which
he must solve. The crisis must be resolved and the task well
negotiated for an individual to move to the next stage, if not he
becomes fixated and psychologically disturbed. The stages are as
follows:-
1. Infancy stage (0 – 2 years) – trust v/s mistrust
If the child’s physical and emotional needs are not met he
develops mistrust. This leads to people who are mistrusting,
apprehensive, uncertain and fearful. They feel life is too risky,
painful and chaotic.
Those who are taken care of/ nurtured become sure of self,
trusting in the world, experience the best from others, are sure
that difficulties can be resolved and pain relieved, confident,
hopeful and have faith in themselves.
2. Early childhood (2 – 3 years) (Autonomy v/s shame and
doubt)
It is the time that a child starts to develop some skills, e.g.
walking, talking. They develop some autonomy and try to
discover and expand their world.
If parents put a lot of restrictions to this, one becomes
doubting, exposed, surprised, inadequate, powerless, helpless,
dependent, if the freedom is not curtailed they become self-
reliant, decisive, able to make choices, resourceful etc.

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 Autonomy and control needs to be balanced.
3. Preschool age (4-6 years) (initiative v/s guilt)
They have enough resources to manipulate the world. E.g.
language. They are inquisitive – need to achieve a sense to
competence. If their need to initiate things is curtailed, they
develop guilt. The child can be allowed to make decisions
regarding play, relationship with peers, and other age
appropriate activities. Too much initiative may lead to an
individual who over indulges.
Positive lively and expansive, ready to question rules,
challenges authority freely, assertive etc.
Guilt – negative hostile, aggressive, out of control, hurting,
breaking, getting carried away etc.
4. School age (7-12 years) (industry v/s inferiority)
The child is capable of doing things on his own. Needs to
perfect his skills in and outside class and initiate relationships,
achieve competence. A lot of encouragement is needed, if not
encouraged they develop inferiority- complex, complex, are
incompetent, inadequate and not motivated.
Positive competent, challenging, motivated, setting goals and
working on them, eager to face challenges and people.
5. Adolescence (12-19 years. Identity v/s role
diffusion/confusion)
- This is a time of physical and mental changes.
- Confusion comes when they can’t understand their changes
and feelings e.g. breasts, attraction to the opposite sex etc.
- Want to make a place for themselves in the world. They
must get their own identity from others. Must define who
they are in terms of looks, where they belong, background,
vocation, philosophy of life, relationships, goals etc. those
who get identity – stable, reliable, unique, competitive in sex
roles, comfortable with career plans, inner directed, having
a sense of agency, a sense of vocation etc.
- Negative fragmented, outer directed, overly dependent,
conforming, confused about sex roles, being unpredictable

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 for his own sake, unwilling to set the limits or rule things
out.
6. Young adult hood (20 – 35 years. Intimacy v/s isolation)
- To succeed in this stage depends on how well one handled
adolescence. Young adults are in the college and would
want financial freedom.
- Wants to form true and intimate relationships – “ I can see
your true colours that’s why I love you”
- Give and receive love.
- If unable to get intimate to someone they suffer isolation.
Isolation – alienated, fearful of ego loss, unable to give love
or get close, either making demands or having to possess
totally.
Intimacy – connected, being close without smoothering, is
accountable to whatever he/she does, able to receive and
give with enthusiasm, respect other’s uniqueness, is open
and spontaneous, is able to be naked body and spirit. Able
to make reasonable demands.
7. Middle adulthood (30 -60years. Generativity v/s
stagnation.
- One wants to work for the generation to come.
- It’s a time achievement is very important.
- Middle age crisis – (40 – 45yrs- Levinson 1978)
- Women go through menopause – male adropause or – loss
of erectile power, low libido – lower sperm count.
- Boredom to routine sex and partner hence promiscuity.
- Challenges and conflicts (intrapsychic are many.
- Families break at this stage.
- Positive nurturing, caring for, responsible, dependable,
protective, encouraging, supportive, innovative, willing to
try new things (flexible), able to negotiate, revise and
renew.
- Negative – a person who has mental stagnation becomes
rigid, static, immobilized, closed, authoritarian, narrow,
limited, constricted, highly conventional, uncaring,
humourless, resistant to change, not curious etc.
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 8. Maturity or old age (60 years onwards – ego integrity v/s
despair).
- Are changes in health, loss of spouse, loneliness etc.?
- If one is able to make necessary adjustments in stage
7(children are educated, have achieved etc. one feels of
value – integrity – they have health narcissism (narcissistic
complex – falling in love with self), feels a sense of
accomplishment, proud of their efforts, useful, involved,
adopting to rapid change, at home with self and cosmos
(surrounding) and is able to go alone.
- Negative – disgust, despair, hopelessness, having nothing to
strive for or enjoy, bitter over losses, pessimistic about
everything, unwilling to acknowledge and accept reality or
limits, sensing meaninglessness, being unresolved etc.

Summary of causes of psychological disturbance.

1. Unequal distribution of psychic. Energy (between ID, EGO
AND –SUPER EGO. – leads to the neurotic, reality and
moral anxiety.
2. Strengthened super ego. – makes an individual expect
psychological punishment rewards for not keeping the
expected standards.
3. Weak – ego – which on failure to control the anxiety –
resorts to ego defense mechanisms.
4. Fixations or character arrest when a particular stage is
not well negotiated.
5. Suppressed feelings and emotions in the unconscious.
Therapeutic goals
- Make the unconscious conscious.
- Strengthen the client’s ego.
- Re – structuring of personality.
Therapeutic process
- i.e. what takes place in counseling. Making use of
techniques in this theory and achieve the therapeutic goals.

THERAPEUTIC TECHNIQUE
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 1. Maintaining an analytical framework.
- i.e the counselor maintains a rigid, procedural and stylistic
programme for the client in the therapy, e.g. keeping to a
frame work, keep married if married up to end of session
regular meetings, payment consistent meeting days, time,
space, ending on time etc. flexibility is not allowed in
psychoanalysis because it could indicate resistance.
Accidents (small not allowed)
2. Anonymity
- Anonymity of the therapist is stressed i.e. the counselor
does not share a lot about himself or express what he feels.
This will enable the client to project feelings and freely to
the therapist.
3. Free association
- The client (analysand) lies on a couch and counselors
(analyst) goes behind the screen. The client pours freely to
the counselor who maintains anonymity and spontaneity as
the client shares. He responds like the mother, father etc.
the counselor hears not only the surface but the hidden
message Reik 1948 calls it hearing with a third ear.
4. Analysis of parapraxes
- A minor error like that of the tongue intended to reveal a
repressed emotion.
- This refers to the Freudian slip of the tongue, simple
accidents, excess humour, jokes, forgetfulness,
absentmindedness etc. in psychoanalysis, there is
something hidden in all these – i.e. an un-conscious pre-
occupation.
5. Interpretation
- The therapist is seen as an expert, hence allowed to
interpret, to analyze, pinpoint, teach (to some extend) the
client regarding the material that has been disclosed
through free association.

6. Dream analysis
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 - According to psychoanalysis (Freud) dreams are the royal
road to unconscious. They are also residues for the day’s
events. When we sleep, we relax, and the defense
mechanisms weaken and we see the real us in a dream. The
analysts have their own way of interpreting dreams and can
tell a lot about client’s fears, ambitions and fantasies.
- There are 2 types of dreams:
i) Latent dreams – these are symbolic. They are too
threatening and they are from the unconscious. They
reveal hidden motivations. We mostly dream.
ii) Manifest dreams –- unconscious
Manifest from the preconscious – their meanings are
clear and just reflect anxieties and activities of the day.
They are from the pre conscious – symbolic meaning of
dreams.

Conscious mind

Pre-conscious - Manifest

Unconscious
Latent dreams

Conscious mind
- Part aware of self immediate environment. Takes control of
what is happening – one item at a time. It is slow in acting.

Sub conscious

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 - Part of mind that lacks immediate awareness of self and
environment, but a little effort can bring the material unto
awareness.
- Controls our behavior unaware as long as there is smooth
flow, the process remain unconscious e.g. being
programmed to act in a certain way e.g. switching on lights
on entering the bedroom, driving, typing etc.
Unconscious mind
- We are totally not aware of it. A lot of energy is required to
bring any material from the unconscious mind to the
conscious mind.
- Controls our behavior without knowing and we cannot be
able to control behaviour at this level (competitive behavior)
contains repressed material. Occupies the largest part of our
brain
7. Interpretation and analysis of transference and
countertransference.
- Transference is relating to a person according to the
authority figure you see in that person. The client may be
harsh to one who react like the harsh father. Analysis of
transference is part of free association.
- The counselor reads back to what comes up in transference
in what is called countertransference. N/B if transference
genuinely affects the counselor. There is need for
professional consultation or supervision/therapy.
8. Analysis and interpretation of resistance.
- Anything that hinders the progress of therapy is interpreted
as resistance. E.g. coming late, being in a hurry to leave,
absent mindedness, refusing to talk, overuse of humour and
jokes etc.
LIMITATIONS OF PSYCHOANALYTIC THEORY
1. It ignores the counselor client relationship.
2. The counselor manipulates the client.
3. The couch can bring out some abnormal reactions i.e.
inappropriate relationship.
4. Training takes long and it is expensive.
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 5. Counseling stops up at the insight but does not take the
client to the action stage.
6. Therapy is lengthy and very expensive.
7. In psychosexual stages of development, the
environment/social factors are ignored.
8. There may be misinterpretation of transference and some
acts that may not have psychological implications.
9. The process is uncomfortable i.e taking the client through
very bitter memories.
10. It promoted Patriachal family structures. Too much
emphasis is given to the role of the mother.
11. Psychosexual theory – based on research of
unhealthy rather than the healthy client.
12. Concepts cannot be verified by research -
psychosexual.
Strengths
1. Makes us aware of defense mechanisms.
2. Makes us able to tap the unconscious strengths
through procedure and techniques.
3. Helps us to understand why people behave the way
they do – fixations.
4. Helps us to know how the past influences the present.
5. Provides a comprehensive and detailed system of
personality.

Background of Erik – Erikson

He was born in 1902 in Germany, parents were Danish. His father
abandoned the family prior to his birth.

His father was a protestant and mother a fond Judaism. His mother
remarried after 3 years to a man called Hunberger. In his childhood
and part of his adolescence, he was segregated by his peers for
following Jewish heritage and having goyish features. This disturbed
him. He suffered from mental illnesses – from neurosis to psychotic.

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His adolescence extended up to the age of 29. He had a mediocre
educational background. In 1939 he moved to America and acquired
American citizenship. He decided to acquire the name Erik son of
Erik hence Erik Erikson. This is because of his bitterness towards his
father, later he went to Vienna as a teacher where he used to teach
children whose parents were patients of Sigmund Freud. He
continued with his education and decided to study child
psychoanalysis and personal analysis. He developed play therapy
and he believed play would do well than a dream to access the
conscious of a child. (Psychosexual stages to be tackled under
Human Growth and Development).

BEHAVIOUR THERAPY

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BEHAVIOURAL COUNSELLING
INTRODUCTION: (Historical Background)
- The key figure who developed behavior therapy were:
- Alan Puvlov and BF Skinner - who did experiments on
animals and concluded that they could apply to human beings.

- They came up with classical conditioning.

- Other people build on the ideas of Skinner and Puvlov and
developed therapy on human beings. These people included:
- Anold Luzurus – Was a key founder on behavior theories.
Born in 1932 in Johannesburg (S.A.) youngest of 4 children. He
grew up in a neighborhood with very few children and
remembered being lonely and very frightened.
- Albert Bandura – Was a professor of psychology at Stanford
university in California. He did experiments and in one he did
with a group of children who watched a film in which an adult
attacked a bobo doll and he tried to look at their response. He
discovered that the children responded by imitating the
behavior which they saw rewarded (adult was rewarded
through a pat)
- Joseph Wolpe – Was born in 1958 in S.A. He was a
psychiatrist who pioneered development of procedures which
could be used to relieve fear, stress, anxiety etc. which had
been created through Classical conditioning. – He thus
developed systematic desensitization and progressive
relaxation training.
- J.B. Watson – He is known as the father of behaviourism.
- Others are Alan Kazdin
- Behavior trends developed in 1950’s and early 1960’s as a
radical departure from psychoanalytic perspectives. There are
three major phases in the development of behavior therapy.

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 AREAS OF DEVELOPMENT OF BEHAVIOUR THERAPY
1. CLASSICAL CONDITIONING.
Was developed by Puvlov who was born in Russia in 1848.
He studied animal physiology at the university. In1904, he
won a nobel prize for his work on the physiology on the
canine digestive system. He switched his research to
experimental studies concerned with the way animals
learn(he experimented on dogs in the lab) when an assistant
brought food to the dogs, he would ring a bell and they
would salivate. Later food was withdrawn and the dog would
salivate when the bell was rang. This kind of learning is
called associate learning and is present even in human
beings.
Puvlov used a bell at meal time in the following order:
Before conditioning -------Food------unconditioned stimulus
During conditioning---Food + Bell---unconditioned response
After conditioning ---- bell(conditioned stimulus)---conditional
response.
Food -----U.S.-----U.R.
Food +Bell----U.S.----U.R.
Bell----------C.S.-------C.R.
Many human responses can be classically conditioned
especially emotions.
Key Terms In Classical Behaviour Trends
Acquisition – Refers to a situation where conditioned
stimulus (e.g. bell) produces a conditioned
response(salivation)
Associate Learning – This is behaving or responding to a
stimulus (conditioned) in the same manner that one would
respond to the real stimulus e.g. a cat placed in a cage and
subjected to mild electric shocks, preceded by a sound of a
bell. One probable outcome is that the cat demonstrates
fear and runs as soon as the bell is rang.

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 VARIATION IN STIMULI
1. Stimulus Generalization
This is responding to all stimulus in the same manner as
the stimulus causing a certain negative behavior,
(conditioned stimulus) – e.g. a person who cuts tilapia and
becomes ill may hate cutting all kinds of fish – it is
spontaneous.
2. Stimulus Discrimination
This is the tendency to attend differently (selectively) to
different stimulus, e.g. a mother comfort her crying child
but does not offer the same on another person’s crying
baby.
3. Stimulus Extinction
This is when a conditioned response gradually diminishes
when there is no reinforcement. The stimulus fails to elicit
a reaction. E.g. continued ringing of the bell without food
– eventually led to no salivation – a politician who does
not reward…………
4. Spontaneous Recovery
This is the reappearance of the conditioned response
without further training following extinction and rest.
2. OPERANT CONDITIONING (B.F. SKINNER 1905 – 90)
Burrhus Fredrick Skinner. He was a U.S. psychologist.
He used the word reinforcement to describe the reward
which makes the animal repeat a response.
He did an experiment with a pigeon locked in a cage and
there was a small hole where it could put its beak and the
food would come. This rewarding is away of reinforcement.
This is positive reinforcement in a care of the negative
reinforcement, the motivation is negative e.g. punishment
for doing wrong – you will work hard but out of fear of being
punished but will be demoralized. Skinner said, punishment
(verbal or physical) is a poor method of correcting behavior.
Reinforcement can be in the following ways:-
i) Continuous reinforcement schedule
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 This is when reinforcement is given each time a
particular response occurs.
ii) Fixed ration schedule
This is reinforcement given after a certain number of
responses, e.g. production workers are paid on a
certain piece of work.
iii) Variable ration schedule
The number of responses needed for a time has
elapsed since the last. So it is varied from time to time
e.g. as people learn you increase the number of
expected responses.
iv) Variable interval
Reinforcement occurs after a specified period of time
that varies from one interval to another.

3. SOCIAL LEARNING THEORY

This was developed by Albert Bandura. He said that people
learn from the events that they observe/see, but do not
directly experience i.e. learning through observation –
vicarious learning. Bandura applied the same concepts of
operant conditioning.
The following factors are important in classical conditioning:
i) Attention process – The degree to which the
observer pays attention is important – e.g. Children in
the experiment had to pay attention.
ii) Retentional process – The observer must have the
ability to retain what was taken in.
iii) Motor reproduction processes (responding) – This
is the ability to re-do that which was retained to
reproduce observed behavior.
iv) Motivation processes (reward) – This is what
governs the likelihood that the observer will want to
model the behavior.
Phobias and aggression can also develop through
observation of people who exhibits them without being
taught.
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 4. COGNITIVE TRENDS
Behavior in cognitive trends is said to be influenced by our
beliefs, our thoughts. The cognitive theories, contend that
satisfactory account of learning process can only occur by
considering the internal working of the mind e.g. cognitive
behavior therapy by Albert Elis.

Philosophical And Basic Assumptions Of Behaviour Therapy

i) Behavior is a product of learning.
ii) What is learned can also be unlearned and relearned.
iii) We are both the product and the producers of our
environment.
iv) The past is not very important in behavioural counseling
unless it affects the present behavior.
v) Behavioural counseling is based on scientific approach to
human behavior.
vi) Each client is seen as unique with individual needs. Behavior is
believed to be SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable,
Realistic and Time bond)
Behavior approach is used in many fields.

Therapeutic Goals
i) Eliminating (unlearning) the mal adaptive behavior and
learning new adaptive behavior.
ii) Create new conditions of learning.
iii) Help the client make goals.
Generally, the client and the therapist collaboratively specify
treatment goals in concrete and objective terms: Step I – client
states the problem
Step II – client states the goal
Step III – therapist assists in making them SMART
Step IV – cost-benefit analysis of the goals is done. The client
must be clear about the benefits and the loses
Step V – an action plan is set up to work towards attaining it.

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N/B – Before all this, there is initial assessment done on the client’s
problem. It is not possible to do it on the depressed clients because
their thought processes have been impaired. Also drug addicts.
THERAPEUTIC PROCESS IN BEHAVIOUR THERAPY
Counsellor Client Relationship.
- A good counselor client relationship is regarded as important. It
is based on respect and openness.
- The current trend of behavioural counseling gives more control
to the client in order to increase their freedom of choice as
their ability to make effective choices.
- Clear communication is seen as important as is careful listing
of behaviours to be changed.
- Each client is seen as unique with unique needs – techniques
and procedures are adopted to meet these needs.
- There is a definite educational direction in behavioural
counseling and clients are taught skills which enable them to
manage their lives effectively.
- The skilled therapist is the one who can conceptualize
problems behaviourally and make use of therapeutic
relationship in bringing about change.
The Therapist Function
- To pay attention to the clues given by the client.
- Act as a model to the client.
- Help client to formulate goals and explain their purpose.
- Help the client to make the goals SMART.
- Choose the techniques and help the client to accomplish the
goals.
- To remain active, directive, an expert, problem solver, and
help the client explore alternative course of action and possible
consequences.
Client’s Function
- Be fully involved in the therapeutic process from the beginning
to the end.
- Must be willing to experiment with the behaviours and
techniques both in the session and outside therapy.

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 - Transfer learnings.

TECHNIQUES AND PROCEDURES

Behavior therapy is reputed as having the widest range of
techniques, a number of tests have to be carried out. A therapist
can evaluate the client using inventories which carry questionnaires
to tell the intensity of stress, phobia etc.
The procedure of, and the rationale of the techniques must be
explained to the client.
1. Relaxation Exercises
They are mainly suitable for treatment of anxiety, tension and
coping with stress.
Also people with anxiety headache and migraines, psychosomatic
problems e.g. insomnia, neurosis etc. the therapist teaches the
client to relax the muscles of the body coupled with deep breathing.
The client is seated in a comfortable chair where there is no noise.
2. Systematic Desensitization
It is a systematic way of removing senses or helping clients deal
with irrational forms of anxiety and phobias. It involves taking a
client through an experience that arouses the problematic feeling
and helping him/her deal with it in session. Desensitization hierarchy
is used where increasing fear provoking stimuli are presented over a
period of time. They are used alternatively with relaxation.
3. Modelling
a) Life modeling – this is where the actual person does the
modelling e.g. the therapist or any other person does the
modeling (teaching by examples) the client imitates the
desired qualities of the therapist e.g. calmness while speaking
in public.
b) Symbolic modeling – modeling by the use of films, videos. It
is anything else other than a person even flip charts.
c) Multiple modeling – this takes place in a group setting where
some members have the behavior to be modeled and other
members find it fitting to copy them.
4. Behavior Rehearsal

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 This is where the therapist rehearses with the client in the
session the behavior he or she is expected to practice outside.
It is done to ensure that the exact behavior is practiced.
5. Role Play
The therapist gets involved with the client in playing various
roles. Roles are exchanged between the client and the
therapist and the various scenes are enacted.
6. Assertiveness Skills
Clients are taught skills on how to increase their self
confidence in situations where they feel less confident i.e.
positive attempts to deal with difficult situations. It teaches
clients how to stand up for their rights and cope with life
challenges e.g. dealing with angry customers.
7. Flooding And Implosion And Aversion Therapy
Flooding entails exposing the client to the feared situation to
experience all the anxiety it evokes e.g. being exposed to
many cats if you have a phobia of cats.
Aversion therapy – Use of punishment to remove an
unwanted pattern of behavior e.g. use of an emetic drug for
drinkers. Bell ringing for bed wetters.
Implosion therapy – Is a form of dramatic flooding where the
client imagines the most terrifying situation he/she can think
of.
8. Self Management Programmes
E.g. stress management, time management, image
management etc.
9. Positive Reinforcement
This is positive reinforcement of the desired behavior while
ignoring undesired behavior.
[Link] Technique
This one borrow from all the other techniques. Multimodel is
based on the premise that a human being is a complex. Personality
can be understood by assessing of seven major areas of functioning
(BASIC ID)

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B – Behaviour
e.g. questioning on something that will lead to knowing
behavior.
A – Affective aspect
i.e. looking at the emotions of that person e.g. what makes you
cry.
S – Sensation
Checking on senses of that person e.g. what do you particularly
like in the way of seeing, smelling, touching and testing one by one.
I – Imagery
i.e. how we perceive things e.g. how do you view your body? How
would you like to see yourself in the future?
C – Cognition
Is thinking really affected? How much of a thinker are you? How
do your thoughts affect your emotions?
I – Interpersonal relationship
How much of a social being are you? To what degree do you
desire intimacy with others?
D – Drugs/ Biology
knowing his health status. Are you healthy and health
conscious? Do you take any prescribed drugs?
The preliminary questioning is followed by a detailed life history
questionnaire. Once the basic profile of a person’s basic ID has been
established, the next step has been established which consists of
interactions among different modalities.
This second phase of work intensifies specific facets of the person’s
problem areas and allows the therapist to understand the person

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more fully as well as device effective coping and treatment
strategies.
APPLICATION OF BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY
They are good in dealing with phobic disorders, depression, sexual
disorders, children disorders, prevention and treatment of
cardiovascular diseases.
CONTRIBUTIONS
The behavior therapy is a short term approach that yields results
hence wide applicability.
i) It emphasizes research and assessment thus providing
accountability.
ii) Specific problems are identified and attacked and clients are
kept informed about therapeutic process and about what
gains are being made.
iii) It is effective in the areas of human functioning in action
stage.
iv) Concepts and procedures are easily understood.
v) The therapist is the explicit reinforcer, consultant, model
teacher, expert in behavior change.

LIMITATIONS OF BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY

- Deals with symptoms rather than behavior.
- Too mechanistic.
- It ignores the feelings.
- The counselor can expose his/her values on the client.
- The counselor is the expert and the client is the follower.
- It is too interrogative.
- Some goals aren’t measurable and can’t be quantified.
- Assumptions that those experiments that were done on
animals can be directly adopted on people are a limitation.
- Working on the assumption that all behaviours are learnt from
the source.

P.D

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Embarassing moment or when you felt least undersood

i. What thought do you remember closing your mind

ii. What feelings went together with the experience and how did
this affect your behaviour later on the lesson

COGNITIVE BEHAVIORAL APPROACH (RATIONAL EMOTIVE

THERAPY)

 Key figure – Albert Ellis (1913)

 Key concepts – (basic asumption on view of human nature)
 View of emotional disturbance therapeutic disturbance
 Therapeutic goals
 Role of the counsellor
 Techniques
 Negative contributions of the theory
 Limitations

HISTORICAL BACKGROUND

The father of rationale emotive therapy is Albert Ellis who was born
in 1913 in Pennsylvanice and later moved with his family to U.S.A.
He ran away from home at the age four because his parents were
neglectful. At the age of 12, his parents divorced and mostly he
could be left to care for his siblings as his mother went out with
friends.

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He suffered healthwise and was on and off hospital. At his childhood,
he was hospitalized nine times because of nephiritis. At the age of
19 he developed diabetes. Despite his health, he lived a robust life
by stubbornly refusing to be disturbed, depressed of feeling failure.

Ellis was shy and introverted and suffered deep anxiety whenever
he was asked to participate in classroom or school activities. He
wanted to become writer. With the economic depression of 1929 he
realized that he could not do well in business. He went back to
school and trained as a psychologist and specialized as
psychoanalysis therapist. He made a rapid depature after realising
that psychoanalysis wasn’t doing very well in the field of
counselling. He combined ideas from behavioural and humanistic
approachs. These ideas were triggered by his experience in life. He
researched and wrote books on love, sex and marriage which made
him an authority in the field, he had written 20 books at the age of
28. He counselled about 80 people per week. In individual
counselling, he uses to conduct 5 therapy groups per week and gave
over 200 talks and workshops to professionals per year. He
overcame his anxiety of talking in public and fear of women by
forcing himself to do it. He was known to be a very abrasive and
numerous person.

NB: His major contribution to psychology has been the

establishement of Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) 1962. Beck 1976
founded the cognitive therapy- built on what Ellis had founded. He
died on 24th July 2007.

KEY CONCEPTS

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BASIC ASSUMPTION ON VIEW OF HUMAN NATURE

1. Human beings are born rational but learn to be irrational. I.e

have a basic tendency to be rational as well as irrational in
their way of thinking
2. People condition themselves to be disturbed rather than being
conditioned by external sources. i.e not events that cause
emotional disturbance but what we process (think) about the
event
3. People have biological and cultural tendency to think crookedly
and to needlessly disturb themselves
4. Humans are unique in that they inven disturbing beliefs and
keep themselves disturbed about their disturbances e.g my
husband is quiet because he is annoyed
5. People have the capacity to change their cognitive, emotive,
behavioral processes they can choose to react differently from
their usual patterns, refuse to allow themselves to become
upset and train themselves so that they can eventually remain
minimally disturbed for the rest of their life
6. Human are self-talking, self-evaluating and self-sustaining

VIEW OF EMOTIONAL DISTURBANCE

1. We originally learn irrational beliefs from significant others

during our childhood
2. We create irrational dogmas and superstations by ourselves
i.e. dogmas and beliefs. We are not supposed to question
3. We then rein still false beliefs by the process of auto
suggestions and self reputation of early indoctrinated irrational

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 thoughts. It is us rather than our parents’ reputation that keeps
dysfunctional attitudes alive and operative within us
4. Shame is the core of most emotional disturbances

N/B Ellis says that all humans have three fundamental goals: to
survive, to be relatively free from pain and to be reasonably
satisfied or contented

R.E.T sees these goals as choices or preferences rather than needs

or necessities. Rational living consists of thinking, feeling and
behaving in ways in which contribute to attaining of chosen goals.
Irrational living consists of thinking, feeling and behaving in that
block or interferes with their attainment. Humans have a choice
between rational and irrational living.

ELLIS ABC THEORY OF HUMAN PERSONALITY

To control our emotions we need to look for our hidden should and
must in our thoughts and beliefs about events. To be able to dispute
irrational thoughts (beliefs) Ellis came up with the ABC theory of
personality.

A – (Activating event/Agent) B (Belief) C (Emotional Behavioral

Consequence)

A – (Activating event/Agent) B (Belief) C (Emotional Behavioral

Consequence)

D (Disputing the irrational beliefs) E (Effective philosophy)

F (New feelings)

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E.g.
A- A teacher doesn’t refer or mention the results of Jane’s essay
B – The essay must have been awful (Jane thinks)
C – Jane feels depressed
D – Jane avoids the teacher
Afterwards the teacher notices Jane lack of interest and concludes
she is poor.

N/B – The activating event doesn’t cause emotional consequences,

instead, it’s the personal beliefs and what he thinks about it largely
cause and influences behavior
In disputing these; questions are good;
 Is my self-talk objective?
 What evidence do I have to say what I am telling myself?
 Is there any exaggeration, generalization or oversimplification?
 Does my self-talk help me to protect my life emotionally,
physically and spiritually?
 Does my self-talk help me to attain my chosen goals
(immediate and general goals?)
 Does my self-talk help me to diminish my inner conflict?
 Does my inner talk help me to avoid conflict with others?
In disputing (application of scientific methods to challenge irrational
beliefs and thoughts) the following happens:
i. Detect- i.e. detecting the irrational beliefs particularly the
absolutistic “should”, “must”, “ought’s”, “actualizing” and self-
downing
ii. Debate – logically, empirically and end argue vigorously
against the dysfunctional beliefs

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iii. Discriminate – irrational beliefs from rational beliefs
iv. Dispute – i.e. disputing the irrational beliefs/thoughts with the
rational ones.
E.g.
 I must be respected (irrational)
 I would prefer to be respected (rational)
 I must be recognized (irrational)
 It is good if I am recognized

PHILOSOPHICAL RESTRUCTURING

 Acknowledging responsibility of our disturbance

 Accepting that we can change the disturbance
 Recognizing that our emotional problems stem from our
irrational beliefs
 Clearly perceiving these beliefs
 Seeing the importance of disputing such beliefs
 Accepting that if we have to change, we have to work hard
 Practicing the rational emotive therapy regularly

THERAPEUTIC PROCESS

Therapeutic goals

1. To help clients minimize their emotional disturbances and self-

defeating behavior by acquiring a more realistic workable
philosophy of life
2. Reduce a tendency for blaming ourselves or others for what
goes on in life and learning to live with future difficulties

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 3. Invite the client to examine and change some of their basic
values that keep them disturbed and therefore deal with the
problem in totally
4. Some of the specific goals that we can have in this theory are:
helping the client work toward self-interest, social interest, self-
direction, tolerance, flexibility, acceptance of uncertainty,
commitment, risk taking, uncertainty, high tolerance of
frustrations and self-responsibility for disturbance
Therapeutic relationship
1. R.E.T sees the client therapist relationship as very
important. The therapists therefore accepts and tolerates
the client fully and understands him and communicates
the understanding
2. The theory does not emphasize personal warmth as it is
viewed that such a relationship fosters dependency
therefore less stress on empathy
3. Building rapport and collaborative relationship however
the therapists remain detached, though understanding.
This way, he is less likely to become enmeshed in the
client’s irrational thinking
4. Too much warmth is regarded by Ellis as distracting and
liable to sabotage the hard work that the client need to
do
5. The therapist in this theory is open in disclosing their own
beliefs, values, self-disclosure especially in their
imperfections, help the clients challenge their irrational
belief that counselors are perfect

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 6. The transference relationship is not encouraged as it is
based on the irrational belief that they must have a
cordial relationship
7. There should be nothing rigid in the relationship and a
R.E.T counselor varies their style according to the needs
of different clients.

THE ROLE OF THE COUNSELOR

1. The counselor is the one who disputes the irrational beliefs
after observing and analyzing them
2. The counselor will always teach the client the A.B.C theory
3. The counselor will be active, authoritatively advising, teaching
and instructing at stage E
4. They accept the client fully i.e. they acknowledge the story
without question though targeting irrational beliefs
5. They use confrontational questions e.g. and who said you
should stay in marriage?
6. Though the focus is on the thoughts (beliefs) counselors also
acknowledge the client’s feelings and behavior

Therapeutic techniques
We have three (3) types of techniques in this theory

a) Cognitive techniques
b) Emotive (to do with emotions)
c) Behavioral techniques (to do with behavior)

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COGNITIVE TECHNIQUES
1. Cognitive restructuring: this is disputing irrational beliefs.
This is aimed at giving the client a new perspective to their
thoughts with a view of making them rational
2. Cognitive homework: the following are some homework
(assignments given) after A.B.C is taught
i. Bibliotherapy– involves asking the client to read a collection
of self-help books on subject of rational emotive theory
ii. Diary- clients are asked to keep a diary to record all the
sabotaging self-talk over a period of time. Afterwards they can
start challenging and disputing their beliefs through further
written assignments

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iii. Encouraging clients to participate in an activity or task which
has in the past been difficult for them to do. E.g. talking in
public
iv. Exercise is critical thinking and questioning can be given as
homework

It helps the client to identify and challenge their previously accepted

assumptions and to explore alternatives greater and more liberating
potential for them

 Clients should understand why they are given homework

 They should complete assignments
 They should be clear about targets
 Progress need to be discussed between client and counselor
3. Thought stopping – this involves stopping of the client’s
description of negative thoughts. The rationale of this
technique has to be fully explained and described to the client
4. Questioning – this helps in logic restructuring in your belief
5. Humor- this is used to stress how inclicrous or amusing their
rational behavior are:
This was used a lot by Ellis who believed that most problems
were due to the fact that we take life so seriously in his
therapy therefore he used numerous songs and jokes for
therapy.
6. Cost benefit analysis – this helps the client to look at the
advantages and disadvantages of activities they want to
involve in
7. Guided imagery – clients are guided or helped to imagine a
scene or a situation and how they might choose to respond to
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 them. The counselor is keen to dispute the irrational thinking
that is brought out. Also guided imagery can help relax clients
who are anxious and stressed.
8. Changing one’s language- people make their preferences to
be their needs by using the “should”, “ought’s”, “self-
downing”(masturbating statements). Therapy should at
changing this language e.g. from “I should have property” to
“it would be good if I could have property.”

EMOTIVE TECHNIQUES

1. Rational emotive imagery-the client is invited to imagine

a scene/event where she chooses to feel differently. E.g. a
husband comes late at night and she chooses not to be
angry
2. Role play- this is mainly used when a client is disturbed or
apprehensive about a particular situation e.g. prospective of
a job interview.
3. They may be helped by role playing the interview during the
session where he can confront his negative feelings about it
and beliefs underlying his feelings. Explore positive ways of
responding more positive and realistic beliefs about the
interview. Even after the interview his sense of worth and
self-esteem will remain intact.
4. Shame attacking- used for clients who are ashamed of
various things. Clients are advised to do the things they are
ashamed of doing. E.g. people who worry about what others
will say. The exposure to many others despite the ones they
worry about makes them realize that nobody cares.
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 5. Use of force and figure- this is usually used in the
reconstruction of new statements. At first the client is asked
to say the new statement with vigor and loudly. They
systematically reduce the pitch until they say it with the lips
and finally self-talk. It is hoped that this will eventually
change the feeling and behavior.

BEHAVIOURAL TECHNIQUES (All behavioral techniques will

fall under positive contribution of theory)

1. It focuses on the role of cognition in behavior change

2. Teaches clients how to manage themselves outside therapy
3. Focuses on the present moment of the client while at the same
time acknowledging the past
4. A.B.C theory can be applied in a group therapy where many
people are helped through the same problem
5. It can be used on those people with anxiety, feeling of guilt,
rejection by a loved one, panicking etc

Limitations

1. May create a lot of care attitude

2. There is a risk of disrupting social status e.g. an assertive wife
may challenge an oppressive husband.
3. The person of the counselor may influence the client
4. It focuses so much on the intellect that it may not work well
with clients of low intelligence or who focuses on feelings
rather than cognitions
5. The therapist assumes an expert role thus there is a danger of
imposing his values on the client

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 6. It ignores to a greater extent the client’s feelings.

PERSON CENTERED

Person centered or client therapy was developed by an American

psychologist Carl Rogers. He was born in 1902 and died in 1987. He
was first trained I agriculture and later decided to do history. He was
born in a strict protestant family who taught he would make a very
good clergy. He decided to join seminary and started to question
some of the beliefs. He attained a P.H.D at the age of 26 after doing
psychology and psychotherapy. He started working in a children
clinic where he practiced his psychotherapy. He was a lecturer at a
university but his ideas could not match with his administrators and
therefore he resigned. He developed his humanistic approach as a
radical departure from psychoanalysis and behavioral approaches.
He first named his approach client centered but later renamed it
person centered.

This was because his ideas were applied in other areas like
education, administration, management and in general
interpersonal relationship. His emphasis was in application of the
core conditions i.e. empathy, U.P.R (Unconditional positive Regard
and genuineness). He applied this to schizophrenic patients and
they showed tremendous improvement. Other scholars from other
fields questioned him. He operated and headed a mental clinic
although he had not done medicine. He was able to defend it. He
said to have lived what he preached and wrote in books. He died
having lived as a whole functioning person. At the age of 85, he fell,
broke his hip and died of a heart attack before he was operated.

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VIEW OF HUMAN NATURE

1. He said that human beings have a tendency to develop in a

positive and constructive manner to self-actualization- if a
climate of respect and trust is established. He used the
example of a plant (they will always grow upwards given the
right conditions). This ideal of self-actualization is borrowed
from Maslow hierarchy of needs.
2. Human beings are essentially good. At core of an individual he
is trustworthy and positive i.e. hidden domains
3. People are resourceful, capable of self-direction and able to
live effective and productive lives i.e. if given the right
conditions (the core conditions)
4. In the content of a personal relationship with a carry therapist,
the client experiences previously denied or distorted feelings
and increases self-awareness
5. Clients are empowered by their participation in a therapeutic
relationship. They actualize their potential for growth,
wholeness and spontaneity and inner directness.

KEY CONCEPTS IN PERSON CENTERED (KEY WORDS)

1. Congruence- it refers to the counselor’s ability to be real or
genuine in the counseling situation i.e. no need to act as an
expert, feel superior or pretend in anyway. This will encourage
the client to seek the truth within himself, identify the core of his
problem more effectively. A congruence counselor is transparent,
open with feelings and reactions.
2. Unconditional positive regard- this refers to the respect or
valuing given to the client without conditions attached by the

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 counselor. The counselor respects the right of the client. The
client is prized and feels safe. He is not judged and is appreciated
as a person. A person centered counselor sees behind the
behavior and sees the real person
3. Empathic understanding- a person centered counselor is
supposed to know not at the cognitive level but also at the
affective (feelings/emotions) level how it feels to be another
person while retaining his own autonomy.
4. The actualizing tendency- According to Rogers, this is the
tendency to grow, to develop, and to reach the maximum
potential of which the person is capable in life. Human beings
have an active drive or motivating force where purpose is to
enable them to achieve wholeness. The actualizing tendency is
often inhibited by adverse circumstances such as emotional
deprivation or traumatic experience in childhood. It can be
reactivated in counseling by offering the core conditions.
5. The organismic self- this is the real inner self of an individual.
Present from birth and consists of the basic force which regulates
each person’s psychological and physiological growth. The basic
aim of organismic self is to grow, mature and achieve self-
actualization. It is instinctive movement towards harmony and
integration.
6. Self-concept- the organismic self gets neglected in favor of
building a self-concept. This is the individuals. This is the
individual’s perception or the image of himself based on his life
experiences and the way he sees himself reflected in the
attitudes expressed by his family, friends and society. Bad

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 experiences in childhood produces a negative self-concept and
vice versa. E.g. hatred, negative judgment, lack of love etc
7. Conditions of worth- these are the valuing systems or
structures directed towards people almost as soon as they are
born. They include rules to govern behavior along with
disapproval and rejection when these rules are broken.
8. Experience- experience consists of all the cognitive and
affective events within the person that are available or potentially
available to his or her awareness.
9. Organismic value process- this is the process whereby
experiences are accurate perceived, constantly updated and
valued in terms of satisfaction of experiences of the person. In
the process, the person values are never fixed or rigid. The
actualizing tendency is the criterion for the person’s development
and maintenance of positive values.

CAUSES OF PSYCHOLOGICAL DISTURBANCE

Mental disturbance comes as a result of socialization from it.

1. One receives conditional positive regard and loses contact

with himself i.e. conditions of worth from parents, teachers and
significant others. He learns to make use of masks (facades) in
order to win love and protection.
2. Imbalance between the real self (organismic self) and the
ideal self-i.e. the self “as I am now” and the “ideal self” this
causes disturbance and it leads to incongruence

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 3. External locus of evaluation, a person hears as the groups
to define himself according to the others (significant others).
He thus develops an external locus of evaluation/ frame of
reference as opposed to an internal locus of evaluation for a
fully actualize person i.e.(externally defined sets of beliefs and
attitudes)
4. Conditions of worth i.e. defining and valuing oneself
according to the values of significant others

THERAPEUTIC GOALS

1. A major goal of person centered counselor is to provide climate

of safety and trust in the therapeutic process so that the client
by using the therapeutic relationship for self-exploration can
become aware of blocks to growth. The counselor uses non-
directive techniques of core conditions and communicates the
same.
2. Promote a healthy self-concept
3. Promote in an individual internal as opposed to external locus
evaluation
4. Balance the real and the ideal self. The client will have greater
self-time and will be more willing to evolve (continue growing)
as opposed to being a field product and more living by internal
standards as opposed to taking external ones as what he/she
should become.

THERAPEUTIC RELATIONSHIP

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Rogers emphasizes the attitudes and personal characteristics of the
therapist and the quality of the client/therapist relationship as prime
determinants of the outcome of the therapy

The qualities of the therapist that determine relationship include

genuineness, non-possessive warmth, accurate empathy,
unconditional acceptance and respect of the client, permissiveness,
caring and communication of those attitudes to the client. The client
is able to translate his or her learning in therapy to outside
relationships and others.

In other words, according to Carl Rogers the following six conditions

are necessary and sufficient for personality changes to occur;

1. Two persons are in psychological contact

2. The first whom we shall tern as the client is experiencing
incongruence
3. The second whom we shall term as therapist is congruent or
integrated in the relationship i.e. as per this time
4. The therapist experiences unconditional positive regard as real
caring for the client
5. The therapist experiences an empathic understanding of the
client internal frame of reference and endeavors to
communicate this experience of the client
6. The communication to the client of the therapist empathic
understanding and unconditional positive regard is to a
minimal degree achieved. Rogers says that the core conditions
are necessary and sufficient. Others feel they are not.

TECHNIQUES AND PROCEDURES

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The approach stresses few techniques because it stresses the
client/therapist relationship. It minimizes directive techniques,
interpretation, questioning, probing, diagnosis and collecting history.
It maximizes active listening and hearing, reflection of feelings and
classification. The full participation of the therapist as a person in
the therapeutic relationship is highly emphasized. Other techniques
include structuring, silence, responding, questioning, and
interpretation e.t.c.

APPLICATIONS

 Works very well in individual and group therapy

 Applied to student centered teaching and learning
 In parent-child relationship
 Human relations training laboratories
 Used in initial phases of crisis intervention work
 Used in administration and management. It is used in the Y
theory (belief human beings can work very well given freedom,
standards set and resources set unlike X theory)
 Used in working with systems and institutions

CONTRIBUTIONS

Stresses the active role and responsibility of the client

It is a positive and optimistic view and calls attention to the need to

account for a person’s inner and subjective experiences

It makes the therapeutic process, relationship centered rather than

technique centered

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It focuses on the crucial role of the therapist attitudes i.e. core
conditions

It generated a great deal of clinical research in both process and

outcome of therapy i.e. because of the criticism

The concept have value working within a multicultural context

LIMITATIONS

1. There is possible danger in the therapist who by merely

reflecting content, brings little of his/her personhood into the
therapeutic relationship
2. It has limited use with the non-verbal clients
3. As an unhistorical approach it ignores the significance of the
past
4. Some counselors misunderstood the basic concepts and
maintain their dogmatic practical applications e.g. behavioral
approach

ECLECTICISM

Eclecticism means borrowing what is best from each theory and

bringing it together for the benefit of therapeutic practice. This is
necessary because each theory has its weaknesses and strong
points. For instance behavior theory may be very good in medical

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settings and behavior change. Sustaining the acquired results in the
behavior change may require psychoanalytical and humanistic
concepts. Eclecticism also provides an opportunity for personal
approach to counselling to evolve. Counselor can select from the
various theories the elements which seem appropriate. There are
techniques that seem particularly effective for specific counselors
and clients. Counselors may also wish to adapt and alter some of
the techniques so that they improve upon them.
Eclecticism has this benefit of encouraging flexibility. Counselling is
not just a bag of assorted tricks to use at whim. There are
theoretical reasons why a counsellor practices a particular style of
counselling i.e. why they use certain techniques in particular
situations and why not in others. On learning counselling practice
and skills, a counselor guided by his core theoretical model will
know at that point in the process of counselling to borrow the
techniques from specific theories. For instance you may get a client
presenting with phobias and borrow behavioural techniques like
flooding or systematic desensitization.
During the exploration you may want to use humanistic approaches
like person centered which emphasize respect for the client
while listening. In eclecticism theory and practice combined
complements each other in a reciprocal relationship. It is the theory
that gives the practice its strength and robustness and it is the
practice that gives the theory its accuracy and valuability.

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Unlike eclecticism, integration is a bit complex and practically hard
to use in practice.

Types of Eclecticism

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 • Norcross and Newman (1992) identified three major
approaches to integration: (1) common factors (2) technical
and (3) integrative
 Common factors
• This is a school of thought which has come about as a result
of research which shows that no theory is superior to the
other and what matters is the client and what the problem
is. Those common factors are:
 Therapeutic contract
 Therapeutic intervention
 Therapeutic bond or relationship
 Therapeutic insight
 Self-determination/efficacy
 Role of time and developmental changes
 Emotional rebase
 Provision of rationale
 Reinforcement of client resources
 Technical Eclecticism
 Multimodal therapy is a comprehensive, systematic, holistic
approach to behavior modification developed by Arnold
Lazarus (1967).
 It is an open system and encourages a technical eclecticism.
 The underlying assumption of his approach is that because
individuals are troubled by a variety of specific problems, it
is appropriate that multimodal therapists are constantly
adjusting their procedures to effectively achieve the client’s
goals in therapy.
 Integrative Perspective

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 • Integration is the merging of more than one theory to form
one theory.
• An integrative counseling is important in many ways:
 clients benefit from a variety of theoretical approaches as
there is no single theory that is comprehensive enough to
account for the complexities of human behavior;
 several theories play a crucial role in their personal
counseling approach;
 practitioners have some basis to begin developing a theory
that fits for them;
 practitioners work with diverse client population;
 an integrative perspective is a life long endeavor that is
refined with experience; and
 an integrative perspective holds promise for counseling
practice
 In this category an integrative perspective, we shall learn
Egan’s Three Stage Model and Susan Gilmore’s eclectic and
integration model.
 Therapeutic Goals
 uncovering the unconscious
 creating social interest
 finding meaning in life
 curing an emotional disturbance
 examining old decisions and making new ones
 developing trust in oneself
 becoming more self-actualizing
 reducing anxiety
 shedding maladaptive behavior patterns

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  gaining more effective control of ones life, and
 re-authoring the story of one’s life
 Therapist’s Function and Role
 In working with an integrative perspective, structuring
depends on the particular client and the specific
circumstances he or she brings to the therapy situation.
 Clear structure is most essential during the early phase of
counseling.
 It helps encourage clients to talk about the problems that
led them to seek for therapy.

 Gerald Egan was the founder of the three stage model of

helping clients deal with problems in daily living.
 Egan is a professor of Loyala University in Chicago and has a
doctorate in clinical psychology
 His main aim was to empower the client to utilize the
resources and take responsibility..
 He felt training people on skills of relating and practicing is
more effective other than to wait for people to learn
experientially.
 He also felt it was good to integrate the theoretical
knowledge to practice

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His model is refers as developmental because of the following
reasons:
 it was developed out of several theories,
 it goes on developing and changing as research, continues
to suggest new clinical ideas and
 The three stages build on one other; if the skills of one stage
are not learnt and used the other stage cannot follow.
It is a client-centered model that aims at empowering the client to
utilize the resources and take responsibility.
• Egan’s skilled helper model of counseling is an
eclectic/integration approach which draws on three main
strands.
 The work of Carkhuff and his Associates
 They researched on the Theory of High Functioning
Counselor.
 Their work concerned the differences between high level
functioning helpers whose clients improve and low level
functioning whose clients get worse.
 Social Influence theory by Stanley strong
 Egan’s second influence is borrowed from the work of
Stanley Strong.
 He views counseling as a social influence process.
 It is better to study the principles of social influence and
learn to use them creatively rather than be victims of them
 Social Learning ( Bandura).
 Clients are seen as acquiring skills through understanding
the process of learning particularly self-efficacy where
people expect to achieve their goals through learning their
relevant behaviors.

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  Ignoring the principles of behavior modification would be a
step backwards.
 Counselors must have a thorough grasp of the basic
principles underlying learning, unlearning, and relearning
 The image of the person
 People are seen as active interpreters of the world, giving
meaning to the action, events and situations.
 They are active in the sense that they face challenges and
initiating challenges for themselves.
 Uniqueness
 Since each individual creates his own unique world, the
individual can only be understood, if others are willing to
enter his or her frame of reference.
 A human being is a builder of models that enable the person
to transform experience and create psychological meaning
from the event of his/her life.
 Factors that influence perception are – expectations,
personal use of language, selective attention, goals,
problem-solving ability, performance standards, values,
attitudes and beliefs.
• Human Systems
• Egan stresses the importance of four levels of “social
systems” in which a person exists:
 the immediate personal setting (family, school, and
workplace);
 the network of personal setting – the interactions of the
family, school and workplace;
 larger institutions – government, organizations religion etc;
and
 culture – language

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  Goals of therapy
 The main goal of counseling is to assist clients to manage
their problems situations of their lives a bit more effectively.
 To achieve these goals the counselor ought to:
 establishing a working relationship with the client based on
warmth and acceptance in which there is a collaborative
partnership;
 enable the client to formulate an action plan; ensure that the
client develops their own inner resources and accepts
responsibilities for becoming more effective;
 help the client to transfer newly acquired skills and
knowledge to fresh situations.
Egan's Skilled Helper Model (1975)
• Identifies the different stages within the
helping process
• outlines different skills appropriate to
each stage
• The model is flexible and easy to
understand
• It provides a map OR framework on
which to hang the skills

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 Stage One Processes
To learn to manage problems clients need to understand
them first
‘What’s really going on?’
1. This stage explores the current state of affairs; The problem
situation
2. Blind spots; missed opportunities
3. Leverage ; Helps clients focus on significant concerns
1.1 The Story
 This stage involves developing a trusting relationship with
the client based on congruence, empathy and UPR
 Use the counselling skills of; attending, paraphrasing,
reflecting, silence, summarising and open questioning
 Help the client to identify problems & resources they have

1.2 Blind Spots

 Seeing problems & situations more objectively
 Exploring any unused opportunities

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 Helping the client to focus on their situation
 Using the communication skills, focusing skills and challenging
skills.

1.3 Leverage
help the client to work on issues, problems choices that will
make a difference.
• If the problem is complex where does the client begin?
• The helper helps the client to see their problem in terms of;
Feelings, Thoughts & Behaviours
• It may mean starting on the easiest problem in order to give
the client confidence to explore more difficult issues.
• A Step by step approach
Perhaps dealing with a crisis situation first

Stage Two – Processes

‘What solutions make sense for me?’
• Help clients to identify possible goals –
what do I want instead of what I currently have?
• Choices & change
what do I need vs what do I want?
• How much do I really want this change?
What am I willing to ‘pay’ for it?

2.1 Possibilities
• Help the client set a range of opportunities in order to
become better choosers and make better choices – informed
decision making
• Is what they want achievable and realistic
• If they got what they wanted how would life be different.
What would it look or feel like?

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 2.2 Change Agenda
At this stage the helper is
• Helping the client to translate what they
want into viable agendas for change (plans)
• Helping to set goals in terms of clear and specific outcomes

2.3 Commitment
Helping the client to commit to their goals
This is a difficult as clients/people find it difficult to commit to
change
This stage can perhaps be characterised & summarised by
exploring the following questions:
 How much do I want this?
 How hard am I willing to work to achieve it?
 Am I choosing this freely – self-determination & autonomy?
 How much do I believe in my ability to achieve this change?
 How motivated am I to succeed?
 What barriers exist to me committing fully to this change?
 Can I minimise these barriers?
 What resources may help me?
 Is this the right time to effect this change?

Stage Three – Processes

‘How do I get what I need or want?’
• Help clients to identify possible ways of getting the outcome
they desire
How many ways are there of getting what I want / need?

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 • Which of these suits me best?
What will work best in my situation, with my resources, what
suits my own values best, which will have the least negative
impact for others?
• What kind of plan?
How do I make it all happen?

3.1 Possible Actions

• Brainstorm strategies for action
• How many ways can the client get where
they want to go?
• Think creatively
3.2 Best Fit
 Which action best fits the client’s resources, preferences and
life?
 Needs to fit the client’s values
 Needs to be achievable and realistic and fit in with their
environment
 A checks & balances approach
3.3 Plan
 Help formulate a plan of action
 Step by step plan to accomplish their goals
 Which actions are priority
 What is the appropriate time frame
 Which steps may need further sub-steps
Evaluating the process
 What will you do if the plan stops working? – contingency
 How to avoid procrastination – what’s really stopping me?
 What incentives can you identify to maintain action
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 How will you manage set backs
 What other supports might you need once the ‘helper’ is no
longer available
 Do you need to develop other skills to sustain and maintain
the change
 Was it enough to simply explore change without taking action

 Gilmore ‘s eclectic and integrative model

 Susan Gilmore (1980) rejects the random eclecticism and
technical eclecticism but looks at eclectic integration.
 The whole issue about eclecticism is about answering the
following questions
i) What are you doing with the client? (counselor is looking for
content)
ii) Why are you doing what you are doing? (counselor looks for
purpose)
iii) How are you doing it? (the counselor is looking for process)
• She gives three dimensions to consider for both counselor
and the client. These are (1) Content (what) (2) Purpose,
(why) and (3) Process (how).

CONTENT (WHAT)

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 PROCESS (HOW) PURPOSE (WHY)

 CONTENT WORK

IDENTITY/ALONENESS RELATIONSHIP

 PURPOSE CHOICE
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  PROCESS
EXPLORATION

ACTION UNDERSTANDING

 GILMORES PYRAMID

Conceptual framework of
intervention system
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 General theory of human behavior

Philosophical assumptions

Summary

This chapter has explored the main theoretical approaches to

counselling. The three main theories have their individual
strengths and weaknesses and non-alone has the necessary
elements to provide a comprehensive model. Accordingly an
eclectic approach was made where elements of the three main
theories were combined into eclectic approach.

THEORIES OF HUMAN DEVELOPMENT

COGNITIVE DEVELOPMENT – JEAN PIAGET

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Piaget observed children in their activities, talked to children,
listened to them talking to each other. He devised and presented
many tests of children’s thinking. He developed a theory on how
children developed concepts. Piaget proposed that children’s
cognitive maturation is in stages. Exposure and experience
contributes a lot to mental development.

At each stage, new and more sophisticated levels of thinking are

added to the child’s cognitive repertoire

Stage 1 – Sensory Motor (Birth 2 yrs.)

Children experience the world immediate perceptions and

through physical activity. Child’s thinking is dominated by here
and now concept – out of sight out of mind.

Stage 2 – Pre – operational (2 – 7 yrs.)

Language starts developing. The child is now capable of symbolic

thought. The child’s thinking is still dominated by perceptions
rather than a conceptual grasp of situation and events.

Limitations to a child’s thinking

 Egocentrism – sees the world from our point of view.

 Centration – attending to only one feature of a situation
ignoring all the others.
 Irreversibility – children think certain processes work in only
one way. For example; things added cannot be subtracted
and things added can be remade.

Stage 3 – concrete operations (7-11yrs)

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 Main Features are:

 Acquisition of reversible thinking

 Ability to decenter
 Child is less egocentric

It is concrete operational because the child needs to manipulate and

experiment with real objects to get solutions to problems.

Stage 4 – operations (11yrs and onwards)

 Ability to reason in abstract or without relying on concrete

objects or events develops
 Solves problems systematically testing out different
propositions.
 It is about considering inter – relatedness.

Cognitive achievements in this stage

 Thinking about possibilities

 Systematic problem solving
 Multiple causation

PSYCHOSOCIAL STAGES OF DEVELOPMENT

ERIK ERIKSON

This was brought forth by Erik Erikson who was another

psychosocial developmental psychologist who believed that society

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has a lot of role to play in molding up a child. He theorized that an
individual passes through eight developmental stages. Each stage
contains a developmental task which presents an individual with a
crisis. The crisis must be resolved and the task well negotiated for
an individual to move to the next stage, if not he becomes fixated
and psychologically disturbed.

9. Infancy stage (0 – 2 years) – trust v/s mistrust

If the child’s physical and emotional needs are not met he
develops mistrust. This leads to people who are mistrusting,
apprehensive, uncertain, fearful. They feel life is too risky,
painful and chaotic.
Those who are taken care of/ nurtured become sure of self,
trusting in the world, experience the best from others, are sure
that difficulties can be resolved and pain relieved, confident,
hopeful and have faith in themselves.
10. Early childhood (2 – 3 years) (Autonomy v/s shame
and doubt)
It is the time that a child starts to develop some skills, e.g.
walking, talking. They develop some autonomy and try to
discover and expand their world.
If parents put a lot of restrictions to this, one becomes
doubting, exposed, surprised, inadequate, powerless, helpless,
dependent etc. if the freedom is not curtailed they become
self-reliant, decisive, able to make choices, resourceful etc.
Autonomy and control needs to be balanced.
11. Preschool age (4-6 years) (initiative v/s guilt)

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 They have enough resources to manipulate the world. E.g.
language. They are inquisitive – need to achieve a sense to
competence. If their need to initiate things is curtailed, they
develop guilt. The child can be allowed to make decisions
regarding play, relationship with peers, and other age
appropriate activities. Too much initiative may lead to an
individual who over indulges.
Positive- lively and expansive, ready to question rules,
challenges authority freely, assertive etc.
Guilt – negative, hostile, aggressive, out of control, hurting,
breaking, getting carried away etc.
12. School age (7-12 years) (industry v/s inferiority)
The child is capable of doing things on his own. Needs to
perfect his skills in and outside class and initiate relationships,
achieve competence. A lot of encouragement is needed, if not
encouraged they develop;- inferiority- complex, complex, are
incompetent, inadequate and not motivated.

Positive competent, challenging, motivated, setting goals and

working on them, eager to face challenges and people.

Adolescence (12-19 years. Identity v/s role

diffusion/confusion)
- This is a time of physical and mental changes.
- Confusion comes when they can’t understand their changes
and feelings e.g. breasts, attraction to the opposite sex etc.
- Want to make a place for themselves in the world. They
must get their own identity from others. Must define who

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 they are in terms of looks, where they belong, background,
vocation, philosophy of life, relationships, goals etc.
- Those who get identity – stable, reliable, unique,
competitive in sex roles, comfortable with career plans,
inner directed, having a sense of urgency, a sense of
vocation etc.
- Negative- fragmented, outer directed, overly dependent,
conforming, and confused about sex roles, being
unpredictable for his own sake, unwilling to set the limits or
rule things out.
13. Young adult hood (20 – 35 years. Intimacy v/s
isolation)
- To succeed in this stage depends on how well one handled
adolescence. Young adults are in the college and would
want financial freedom.
- Wants to form true and intimate relationships –
- Give and receive love.
- If unable to get intimate to someone they suffer isolation.
Isolation – alienated, fearful of ego loss, unable to give love
or get close, either making demands or having to possess
totally.
Intimacy – connected, being close without smothering, is
accountable to whatever he/she does, able to receive and
give with enthusiasm, respect other’s uniqueness, is open
and spontaneous, is able to be naked body and spirit. Able
to make reasonable demands.

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 14. Middle adulthood (30 -60years. Generativity v/s
stagnation.
- One wants to work for the generation to come.
- It’s a time achievement is very important.
- Middle age crisis – (40 – 45yrs- Levinson 1978)
- Women go through menopause – male adropause or – loss
of erectile power, low libido – lower sperm count.
- Boredom to routine sex and partner hence promiscuity.
- Challenges and conflicts (intrapsychic are many.
- Families break at this stage.
- Positive nurturing, caring for, responsible, dependable,
protective, encouraging, supportive, innovative, willing to
try new things (flexible), able to negotiate, revise and
renew.
- Negative – a person who has mental stagnation becomes
rigid, static, immobilized, closed, authoritarian, narrow,
limited, constricted, highly conventional, uncaring,
humorless, resistant to change, not curious etc.
[Link] or old age (60 years onwards – ego integrity v/s
despair).
- Are changes in health, loss of spouse, loneliness etc?
- If one is able to make necessary adjustments in stage 7(children
are educated, have achieved etc. one feels of value – integrity –
they have health narcissism (narcissistic complex – falling in love
with self), feels a sense of accomplishment, proud of their efforts,
useful, involved, adopting to rapid change, at home with self and
cosmos (surrounding) and is able to go alone.

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 - Negative – disgust, despair, hopelessness, having nothing to
strive for or enjoy, bitter over losses, pessimistic about
everything, unwilling to acknowledge and accept reality or limits,
sensing meaninglessness, being unresolved etc.

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AGENTS OF SOCIALIZATION
- Through the process of socialization, individuals come to learn
and believe in their culture.
- They acquire self-identity and the physical, mental and social
skills needed for survival in society.
- They learn about social roles.
- Socially defined expectations that a person in a given social
position will follow.
- Love values, generalized beliefs and expected behavior of the
culture they are born into.
 The result of the above is development of a social identity –
the characteristics that other people attribute to an individual.

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 Social Identity - mark ways in which individuals are the same
as others. Self-identity – sets people apart as distinct
individuals, the development of a unique sense of self.
Agents of socialization may be:- other individuals (a parent,
teacher, a friend) groups(family, peers) or societal institutions
(schools, church, media)
Family.
The family is a key unit of socialization, it provides members
with intimacy, social support essential for mental health and
personal wellbeing.
 Four key functions of a family are:
i) Sexual regulation
ii) Socialization
iii) Economic and psychological support for members
iv) Provision of social status and reputation.
N/B – Nurturance and socialization of children provides
social stability; inadequate or dysfunctional socialization
leads to deviant behavior.
A family must balance between three traditional basic
tasks:- work, play and love.
Which of the above is overdone in your family?
What does family time mean to you?
Do you often have family meetings? Family meetings are
meant to share thoughts, perspectives and members
experiences. Members agree on values and establish
traditions. With stable family values an individual can
easily adjust to larger units of socialization. Most of those

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 institutions are formalized. The school and church
continues with the socialization of norms, values,
attitudes, allegiances. However they can’t replace
parental/family voice.
The media comes to inform, entertain, educate and
appeals etc. but sometimes boundaries are violated.
Children should be thus well grounded in values, and
standards against which to weigh good and bad. E.g. the
current debate who is to blame for the emerging trend
among the school going adolescents?

N/B - From the socialization process, a value based individual

acquires, internalizes and develops a set of virtues hence evolving
into a noble character or personality. It is the responsibility of
mentors, teachers, coaches and parents to help individuals to attain
timely self identity, failure to which individuals become dwarfed
social emotionally even when they grow up.

STEPS OF SELF-IDENTITY.

What is identity?
 This is knowing yourself in terms of the following 8 areas:-
1. Background
 Your heritage
 Your origin
 What do you like about it?
 What have you learnt to hate about it?
 Avoid denial, escape and character flaws of blame game.

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People carry emotional introjects from their backgrounds and
families of origin thus interfering with their full functioning. This
comes from rejection, labeling, blame, pressure among others that
leads to a raptured soul/low self-esteem. To massage the raptured
souls people result to addictions and vices of all kinds.
3 SEGMETS OF A HUMAN BEING

Body

So
ul

Spirit

Body is the physical.

Soul comprises of:-
• Thoughts
• Emotions
• Will power
• Attitude
• Perception
• values
Spirit
spirit is “the God like you” which is created whole.
Nevertheless is always overshadowed by a raptured soul.
 It is thus the responsibility of parents, social environment,
teachers and pastors to program the soul positively.

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  Negative programming has led to a generation with a
“raptured soul” – negative , painful, destroyed.
 To massage the bruised soul. People/students have turned to
pleasure (temporal) seeking tendencies e.g. Sex, romance,
drinking and drugs.
 the more they chase pleasure, the more real happiness
( which is permanent) becomes elusive and the more they
waste their precious life time.
 The solution is getting back to the drawing board and discover
that – “The kingdom is within” “salvation is not from outside”
 Search for your own identity
 Rebirth yourself and avoid confusion.

2. Values
What are values?

• These are positive character traits that define only you.

• Pick a paper and write ten (10) or more performance
values.
• Then live them, think them, walk them, talk them, demonstrate
them.
Values define that which is right, good or morally right and
acceptable.

Values define us, brand us, distinguish us and set us aside. Every
individual must define their character by a set of both moral/ethical
values and performance values.

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 Moral/ethical values

These are values that govern interpersonal relationships. They help

people relate well with others. They include all core living values like
love, kindness, trustworthiness, justice, respect, humility, fairness,
peace, care etc.

Performance values

These refer to those values or character strengths that drive

individuals to personal success. They drive people to execute and
fulfill duties and set goals. They include integrity, hard work,
determination, consistency, faith, focus etc.

PROFILE OF A VALUE BASED PEER COUNSELOR

Performance Moral/ethical
values values
 Integrity  Love
 Optimism
 Integrity
 Diligence
 Perseverance  Obedience
 Endurance  Patriotism
 Responsibility  Honesty
 Hard work  Cooperation
 Determination  Service
 Consistency  Kindness
 Faith  Trustworthiness
 Focus
 Justice
 Courage
 Ambitiousness  Respect
 Passion  Humility
 Discipline  Fairness
 Wisdom  Peace
 Care

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Just like a body builder goes to the gym for practice and weight
lifting, individuals should also repeatedly think and practice on their
values in order to attain the right character muscle. One has to
leave the comfort zone and go beyond the pain. According to
research, whatever a human being does repeatedly, brings forth
some energy from the inside which helps to bring out a strong
personality psychologically and emotionally.

 Value impartation training and exercise should be a task

embraced by all educational stake holders towards a stable
youth community.
 Ideally a child should be taught similar values from cradle to
maturity.
 Value based life for a student, parent or a teacher speak louder
than words. “I may close my ears to what you say but I cannot
close my eyes to what you do.”
 Counselors should guide the youth, into breaking old ways of
thinking and behaviours that are socially unsuitable and help
them to re-socialize themselves in to acceptable social and self
identity. i.e. acquiring social intelligence.
 They should expose them to programs that aims at retraining,
remaking and rehabilitating them into well adjusted
individuals.
3. Career dreams
• Career is a personal decision and journey not corporate!! N.B.
lesson on career.
• It is you who will live with it!! Not your mother or neighbor.
4. Larger vision

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 This is a holistic and futuristic view of your life. It entails
dreams, aspirations, mission statement, among others.
• e.g. where will you be 20 years from now?
- married?
- Children?
- Own employed?
- Husband?
 “Where there are no visions people perish.”
 “Where there are visions people are preserved” it is advisable
for every youth to own a vision board/collage to avoid falling
for any proposed idea from others. A vision servers as a
personal and unique blue print for reference.
5. Motto
Have a philosophy of life.
• What have your experiences taught you about life.
6. Physically
• You are an original, un repeatable story of your creator
• Serenity prayer, “God give me the Serenity to accept the
things I cannot change, courage to change what I can and
wisdom to know the difference. Always showcase your
originality.
7. Spiritually
what is your relationship with your creator. (see the three
segments notes-body, soul and spirit)
8. Relationships
• How do I select a friend?
• Think about your five (5) best friends?

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 • You are an average of your five best friends. It is advisable to
select friends according to your values.
Those youth with identity are:-
• Inner directed
• Sociable
• They have urgency of time
• They are comfortable with their sex roles
• Confident
• Focused
• Composed
• Comfortable with self and environment
• Cont’d
• Do not rebel for the sake of it.
• Inner motivated
• Individuated and differentiated
Those without identity are:-
 Confused.
• Rebel for the sake of rebelling
• Outer directed
• Time/life wasters
• Perverted sexual orientation
• Low self esteem
• Easily influenced etc.
MORAL DEVELOPMENT STAGES

Moral development theorist asserts that an individual’s morality

evolves through different stages from low levels of morality to
complex and superior levels.

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The following diagram indicates Kohlberg’s model of moral
development.

Lawrence Kohlberg
Lawrence Kohlberg's (1981) theory of moral development studied
moral reasoning (how individuals reason situations as right from
wrong) within three stages of young childhood. The first is the pre-
conventional stage, where children experience the world in terms of
pain and pleasure. Second, the conventional stage appears in the
teen years of maturation. Teenagers learn to define right and wrong
according to the desires of their parents and begin to conform to
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cultural norms resulting in a decrease of selfishness. The last stage
of moral development is the post-conventional level where people
move beyond society's norms and consider abstract ethical
principles.

He came to this conclusion after 20 yrs of interviewing children by

presenting them with stories that presented moral dilemmas and
asking the children to offer their views. Kohlberg concluded that the
key concept of understanding moral development is internalization,
which means that behavior develops from being externally
controlled by authority figures.

According to Kohlberg, moral development occurs in 3 levels and

each level has 2 stages. These are:

Level One

This is called pre – conventional reasoning, which is the lowest level

in Kohlberg’s theory. Here, the child shows no internalization of
moral values and instead moral reasoning is controlled by external
rewards and punishments.

Stage 1: Punishment and obedience is based on rewards and self –

interest where the person does what is right because it is in their
best interest to do so i.e. what is right is what feels good and what is
rewarding.

Stage 2: individualism and purpose is based on rewards and self –

interest where the person does what is right because it is in their
best interest to do so i.e. what is right is what feels good and what is
rewarding.

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Level two

Conventional reasoning is where the individual’s internalization is

intermediate. This person lives by certain internalized standards but
these belong to others e.g. parents or societal standards.

Stage 3: interpersonal norms – here the individual values trust,

caring and loyalty to others as a basis of moral judgments. The
good girl, good boy image is very important.

Stage 4: social system morality – moral judgments are based on

understanding order, law, justice and duty.

Level Three

Post – conventional reasoning. This is the highest level of moral

development where morality is completely internalized and not
based on an external standard. Here the individual recognizes
alternative causes, explores the options and then decided on a
moral code.

Stage 5: community rights are individual rights: the individual

understands values and laws as being relative and may vary from
one person to person. He /she recognizes that laws are important
for the society but they can be changed. He/she also believes that
some values for example liberty are more important than the law.

Stage 6: Universal ethical principles – here the individual has

developed a moral standard based on universal human rights.

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When faced with a choice between law and conscience where there
is a conflict, the individual will follow conscience even if there is
personal risk.

Developmentalists believe that parents’ moral values influence

children’s developing moral thoughts (Gibbs, 1993, walker, 1993),
although parental discipline contributes to the moral development of
a child. Nancy Gisenberg and Bridget Murphy 1995 report research
findings that suggested the following parenting ways can influence a
child’s moral development:

 Being warm and supportive rather than punitive

 Use of inductive discipline
 Provide opportunities for children to learn about others’
perspectives and feelings
 Involve children in family – decisions
 Model moral behaviors and thinking as well as providing
opportunities for the children to do the same

Altruism – this is an unselfish interest in helping someone else. It

involves, according to psychologists reciprocity, which is doing to
others what you would have them do to you.

SOLUTION FOCUSED BRIEF THERAPY

Introduction

Insoo Kim Berg and Steve De Shazer of brief family therapy center in
Milwaukee, USA are famed for development of the theory.
Therapists in this center worked in a team

Solution Focused Brief Therapy

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Brief Therapy means few sessions with a client/clients. Solution
means behavioral or perceptual change, which the therapist and
client construct to resolved the problems/ difficulty

They also believe that one small change can lead to other changes
and therefore further improvement, and that change in one part of
the system leads to change in the whole. In this model, the therapist
does not need to know what the problem is in order to facilitate a
solution. Wilgosh (1993) argues that the commonly held view that
therapist needs to know and understand the client's history
'increases the potential for therapy becoming long-term'. The model
is respectful of the client and hence time needs to be given to the
client to tell his/her story before moving to the solution talk. Solution
focused therapy is a highly interactional process, always working
within the client's framework and using the client's language.
It is based on a series of appropriate and well thought out questions
designed to help the client find more useful ways of perceiving their
world and / or ways of behaving which will work better for them. So,
after some informal conversation and an explanation of what is
going to happen, a first session begins thus:
What brought you here today?
It provides an opportunity without being rushed. This could take one
minute or fifteen minutes. If not granted the client may keep going
back to problem definition throughout the session.
How can I / we help?
The therapist can ask, 'what would need to happen here today to
make it worth your while coming? Or what needs to happen so you
don't have to come here anymore? These questions seem to work
because the client does not feel criticized or blamed on the contrary
they feel the therapist is sympathetic about their situation
The miracle question
The miracle question is asked as early as the first session as feels
appropriate. It goes something like this: 'suppose that after we talk

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today you go home and whilst you are asleep a miracle occurs and
the problem which you brought here today disappears (is solved).
Because you are asleep and you don't know that the miracle has
happened, what would be the first sign for you after you wake up,
which will tell you that the miracle has happened?
Clients need time to think at this point even though you may have
prepared them for it. The therapists' them works with the answers,
using questions like 'what else?' The information on what the client
will notice will help the client to take the first step leading to
solutions. Details are very important/Bringing others into the day
after the miracle is very important e.g. Wife / Husband,
mother/father/children, animals, etc. Using questions like, 'when
they see what you ate doing differently, what do you think they will
do?' and so on.
The therapist heeds to work the changes the changes back and forth
to build up as big a miracle picture as possible. Sometimes the
client's miracle is too big, e.g., 'I would have a job or lots of money'.
Whilst acknowledging this would be wonderful, the therapist needs
to go back to the problem that brought him/her and reduce the
miracle into small achievable differences
Finding exceptions
There are times when the miracle is happening then or in the past.
'Tell me the last time a piece of this miracle was happening'", what
were you doing differently? How did you make that happen? ‘How
come?'
There are always exceptions however awful or difficult the situation
is. Finding exceptions helps to show the client that they have some
control over what is happening to them. You are communicating
they have come into terms with what works, and they can do more
of that.
Scaling questions
This helps to create a common language, a kind of shorthand. They
can be used to ascertain where the client is e.g. 10 represents the

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best thing is while the worst, where are you today? Level of
motivation, e.g. 10 represents you will do everything to attain the
change, while represents you will do nothing; where are you now?
Movement, so you are at three, how did you get there? What do you
need to do to get at four?

Coping questions
These are used to compliment clients and to show empathy. 'How
do you manage to keep going with all the
problems/responsibilities/difficulties you have? How do you cope?
What do you do to help yourself keep going? How come you are
doing as well as you is?
Normalizing
Putting what is happening to the client into a developmental frame.
'This is what you can expect given the circumstances 'or maybe you
need to do this until you are ready to move on; e.g. crying.
Discussion break
This takes 3/4 ways through the session. The therapist joins the
team behind the mirror to collect his/her thoughts, get ideas from
them and formulate a message. The message is in three parts:-
a) Compliments: Appropriate and genuine, which may be direct
or indirect referring to things the client has done or is doing
which are remarkable and/or good for them?
b) Bridging: A statement explaining the thinking 'behind the task
because you want to...Alternatively, because you said this we
thought it might be useful for you to...,
c) Task: This could be a thinking task e.g. 'we would like you to
think how you would stop yourself from drinking or an
observation task e.g. 'we would like you to observe what is
happening when...’ (always about something positive), or a
behavioral task, e.g. we would like you to choose a day this
week when you will behave as if the miracle has happened,

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 don't tell anyone.. ‘Or 'when your partner/mother/whoever
does that, we would like you to do this'.
Ending with, 'and tell us next time you come'!
All questions asked by the therapist will be viewed to be
related to the problem, so responses become selective,
choosing what is helpful and what works. Rules for therapist
and client are:

Keep it simple
If it works do more
If it doesn't work, try something
different There are no mistakes,
everything is useful
Useful responses
And so?
How come?
What else?
What is different?
How is that helpful?
Suppose that...
What will you have to do?
How will you have to do?
How will you do that?
What is the first small step?
Wow!
A sense of humor in affirming clients is an important part of this
model and Insoo, particularly, had an amazing way of saying, 'wow!'
as an indicator that the client had done something wonderful,
special or very hard. It worked its own miracle in the changes taking
place with clients.
References:

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Berg, I.K (1991). 'Family presentation: A Brief workbook' (Ed. E.
George). London: BT Press De Shazer, S. (1985). 'Keys to solutions in
Brief Therapy. 'London; W.W Norton & Co. Wilgosh, R. (1993). How
can we see where we are going if we are always looking backward?
Counseling: Vol. 4, NQ. 2, May Rugby: BAC.

GROUP WORK IN COUNSELING

Introduction
Group work is an area of specialty in counseling. There is a need to
do group counseling to have a wider reach and create an impact.
Group work mainly started the same time with social work
Definitions
Group counseling
 Refers to a special relationship where clients feel free to
discuss any new behavior likely to develop, practice
interpersonal skills and practice the new behavior they have
already defined.
 Safety of the group members is necessary because of the
issues, which have brought the group together. Safety allows
personal interaction and sharing.
The number involved is 8-12 members. This ration is good for
facilitator - client interaction and provision experiences
 The place must be a safe place for them to be confident in
sharing their experience s. the safety feeling is enhanced by
ground rules; and confidentiality is one of them
 It is necessary that the issue to be discussed be common. For
example: low performance, drug taking, poor interpersonal
relationships etc. this is defined at the recruitment level.
 Age variation should not be so big

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  Group counseling is remedial and prevention oriented
 It is prevention oriented because the client is capable of
functioning in society but may be experiencing rough spots in
life. If counseling is successful, these rough spots may be
resolved without serious personality defects incurred
 It remedial for those who have entered into a spiral of self-
defeating behavior but are capable of reversing the spiral
without counseling intervention.
Group psychotherapy
 It refers to working with patients in a group and was started in
hospital settings
 It was popularized by Moreno J.N by starting to use drama in
groups
 In group psychotherapy, the issues of the members have to be
the same
Types of Groups
 Task groups
 Educational, groups
 Therapy groups
 Growth and experiential groups
 Support groups
Task Groups
Aimed specifically at working on specific tasks after which the group
is disbanded for example: making recommendations for career
structure in counseling. Once recommendations are made and
compiled task, group is disbanded.
Education Groups
Purpose is to pass to specific information to the members. The
counselor may be both a facilitator and a teacher. For example,
teaching students study skills.
Discussion Groups

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There is a specific subject of concern for discussing. For example,
drug and substance abuse in schools. The group members share
their opinions and ideas. The counselor does not need to be an
expert. The members discuss and report is submitted. Personal
concerns are not the focus
Therapy group:
The issues under discussion are personal concerns with the aim of
facilitating growth.

Growth and Experiential Groups

They are structured and participants work through a set of activities.
Teaching is by exposing participants to experience and then they
learn what the facilitator wants them to learn.
Support Groups
• Aims at helping
• Particular participants come for emotional refueling. For
example, counselors come together to share the experiences
in their work
• The members must have commonalities. For example,
members can be of the same profession, suffering from the
same diseases etc. The number is between 4-12 people. They
do not need a helper or facilitator - they can do it themselves
Justification of Groups
 Time is well spent and helps more people than when it is one to
one.
 It allows development of interpersonal skills.
 Motivation to change is present because of commonality of the
problem.
Healing capacity is found in the group. This is done through self-
disclosure and feedback.

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  It is less dependent on the counselor because the group
provided more resources or information than individual
counseling.
 People have opportunity to practice what they have learnt.
 Provide a greater sense of belongings.
Group Facilitation Strategies
These strategies are important in order to move the group forward

o Circle - Let all your group members sit in a circle. This means
they have eye contact with each other, are all equal, it is easy
to concentrate and listen to each other and there is a group
feeling. ..........,
o The round - every member is asked to respond to some
stimulus (subject or content)
o Small groups –within the bigger group you can formulate
dyads and triads and engage them in an activity.
o Cutting [Link] off is term used to describe the facilitator
stopping a member from talking: other terms that are used
are: Blocking and Interviewing
o Observation: observe the members as you go along. Let every
member of the group know that you are concerned with
them. They should feel loved, cherished and nurtured by your
concern.
o Prioritizing – When so many issues have been mentioned in
the group, you can help them to select or choose what they
[Link] concentrate on during that session. It has to be them
that will choose because it is their therapeutic group
o Focusing – Focusing the group on the purpose for which it has
met (or whatever is the core of discussion)
o Listening - The leader should be a good listener that is hearing
and understanding what a member is saying. In responding
the leader needs to demonstrate accurate empathy.

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 o Drawing out - This is the art of eliciting group members'
comments. You would .want every member to benefit from the
group experience and to be able to articulate that
o Analysis of transference - if there are transference issues that
are apparent; it is important to deal with them so that they do
not pull the group backward
o Self-disclosure - The leader should demonstrate deep sharing
of issues so that the group members can follow suit. When this
happens the members grow rapidly and they acquire better
self-understanding.

THERAPEUTIC PSYCHOLOGY

Therapeutic psychology touches on special and emerging issues.

They include sexuality, addiction counselling, stress and burnout
among others.

SEXUALITY

Definition

Sexuality is what a person is, which includes thoughts, feelings

behaviour of being male or female, being attractive, being in love as
well as being in relationship. It includes sexual intimacy and
physical sexual activity i.e. totality of partners’ sex. Sexuality begins
when one is born and ends when one dies.

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It is more than sexual intercourse

CIRCLES OF SEXUALITY

1
Sexualization Sensuality
5
Sexual intimacy
2
Sexual Health & 4
3
Reproduction Sexual identity

The above are the components of sexuality and they are integrated.
People should be fully aware of these components and share freely
about them.

An explanation of circles of sexuality

The above are the components of sexuality and they are integrated.

CIRCLE 1. SENSUALITY

This is the physiological and psychological aspect of our own bodies.

It is the awareness, acceptance and being comfortable with our
bodies. This is the part that responds to touching, kissing,
massaging, caressing, and sexual intercourse. Sensuality enables
us to feel good about how our bodies look, feel and what they can
do.

It enables us to enjoy the pleasure our body can give us and others.

This part of our sexuality affects our behavior in several ways:-

 It shows the need to understand anatomy and physiology

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  It reflects our body image whether we feel unattractive and
proud of our own body.
 It helps us to experience pleasure and release from sexual
tension.
 It satisfies our need for physical closeness – to be touched and
held by others in loving and caring ways.
 It satisfies our need for physical attraction for another person –
the center of sensuality is not in the genitals, but in the brain.
 It helps us to have fantasies about sexual behaviors and
experiences.

CIRCLE 2: SEXUAL INTIMACY

This is the need and ability to experience emotional closeness to

another person and having it returned. Sharing intimacy is what
makes a relationship rich. Having true intimacy requires a person to
open up, share feelings and personal information honestly and
comfortably. Sexual intimacy can exist with or without having
sexual intercourse. People without sexual intimacy seek it
elsewhere.

Components of Intimacy

i) Respect
ii) Caring
iii) Understanding
iv) Responsibility of roles
v) Working hard at a relationship i.e. the relationship
belongs to all of us.
vi) Working towards making a relationship successful

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FOUR KINDS OF INTIMACY

i) Philosophical intimacy

Sharing of beliefs and values. Where marriage partners share how

their beliefs influence their decisions.

ii) Psychological intimacy

Sharing beliefs, emotions, weaknesses and strengths e.g. sharing of

need for affection, support etc.

iii) Creative intimacy

 Sharing of efforts to accomplish tasks and projects which goes

beyond discussion and emotional responses.
 Partners engage in many co-operative efforts.
 Partners should agree on expectations and on who does what.
iv) Physical intimacy

 Sharing physical affection. Includes wide range of behaviours that

express warmth and closeness
 People show this when they kiss, touch, caress, hold hands etc.
 They also express physical affection when they have sexual
intercourse.
N/B: The youth should be advised that earlier involvement with
sexual intercourse inhibits development of other important and
helpful levels of intimacy. They should familiarize themselves with
dynamics of real love as follows:-
THE LOVE TRIANGLE

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Robert Sternberg, a Yale researcher developed a model that
accounts for components of love after studying dynamics of love for
years. There are three dimensions of love according to him.

i) Passion

This is being affectionate to someone. Passion is manifested in the

strong desire to be with loved one leading to sexual arousal and
sharing. Passion is expressed through touching, kissing,
physiological arousal and being affectionate. Passionate love
provides the motivational component of love. It is the kind of love
that increase very rapidly at first but it levels off with time but does
not really lose its importance as motivational force in a relationship.
Sternberg likened it with an addictive drug that carries people with
pleasure but can lead to depression if withdrawn abruptly. Lovers
can commit suicide if jilted at the height of passion.

ii) Intimacy

This is emotional component of love which involves closeness,

sharing feelings, providing emotional and mutual support. It entails
high level of self-disclosure of personal information not shared with
others. It is based on trust. Intimacy increases gradually at first but
levels off as people know each other. Is well established
relationships, it may not be noticeable on the surface but it is
evident during crisis.

iii) Commitment

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This is cognitive attachment to one another. It develops as people
get to know each other – strong and weak points. People can be
committed to each other due to responsibilities like parenting.

N/B: In problematic relationships one of these components is not

there.

Some relationships go on without any of these, sharing only a

certificate, children and a roof. They live together for public
relationship and children.

COMMON TYPES OF LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

1. Non love – no commitment

2. Infatuation – passion without commitment

(feelings/sex) – passion without intimacy

3. Liking – no passion, no commitment only some intimacy

4. Empty love – commitment, no passion and no intimacy

5. Romantic love – intimacy, passion but zero commitment

6. Fatuous love – commitment, based on passion, no time to

develop intimacy

7. Compassionate love – both commitment and intimacy, no

passion. Occurs in couples who have been married for a long
time. Passion becomes latent

8. Consummate love – intimacy, passion, commitment. This is

the ideal state of marriage. It’s the standard for all marriage,

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 the two have a commitment to each other, high level
disclosure, affection, arousal, kissing and sexual intercourse.

Which of the above are common with teenagers/youth?

CIRCLE 3: SEXUAL IDENTITY

This is the phenomenon of knowing who is male or female. A person

can be identified as male or female through three perspectives.
These are gender identity, gender role, and sexual orientation i.e.
what you are more attracted to e.g. lesbianism, homosexuality,
heterosexuality, bisexuality etc. to succeed in marriage; couples
should know the differences between a man and a woman so as to
be sensitive to each other’s needs.

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN A MALE AND FEMALE

Different theories say different things e.g. Sigmund Freud says the
only difference is biological sexual organs.

There are differences that comes as a result of social conditioning.

Boys

 Prefer to play in large groups

 Talk less and act more (action oriented). Don’t establish
relationships
 When they grow up, they think of projects, are comfortable in
pubs.
Girls

 Prefer to play in pairs

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 Like sharing on relationship, and the sharing is based on trust.
The relationship breaks when trust is broken.
 When they grow up, they are social, like gossiping, are good
listeners and maintain proper eye contact.
o In marriage, women want heart to heart communication but
a man want to relate outside there with men and support
the family.
o Men want sexual fulfillment and admiration of their
masculinity while women need to be loved and emotionally
fulfilled.
 According to research done by Kinsey, the subject of sex will
cross the ma’s mind at least eight times in a day. There is a
hunter element in a man.
 For men sex is physical and for women, sex is love – men will play
on love to get sex and women will play on sex to get love.
 Biologically, men and women differ. A human brain has two
hemispheres right (more intuitive/emotional) and left (more
logical)
CIRCLE 4: SEXUAL HEALTH AND REPRODUCTION

This refers to the attitudes and behaviours related to producing

children, care and maintenance of sexual reproductive organs,
consequences of irresponsible sexual behaviour, how to prevent
infections, having factual information regarding to health and
reproduction (family planning etc.)

Specific aspects of sexual behavior that belong in this circle are:-

 Factual information about reproduction

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  Feelings and attitudes
 Sexual intercourse
 Information on the prevention and control of STIs.
 Responsible sexual practices and contraceptive information.

It is the responsibility of individuals to maintain reproductive health

hygiene to avoid risks otherwise involved.

CIRCLE 5: SEXUALIZATION

This is challenging aspect of relationship.

It entails using sex to influence, manipulate or control another

person. It can be used positively as well as negatively e.g. wife
denying husband sex until she gets what she wants, commercial sex
working, sleeping your way up the career ladder etc.

Positively e.g. dressing well for a date, selling products with a sexual
message, taking wife/lady out for a date, cooking well to influence a
man etc.

FACTS ABOUT SEXUALITY

Sex is so prominent in today’s global culture.

 Fantasy of romantic and sexual relationships is one of the

greatest influence in our society.
 Nearly all the songs we hear are about this one subject.
 Most sales are made after an advert has this subject pegged to
it.
 In movies – the subject must have a slot.
 We have people who will commit suicide today or murder
because of sexual relationship.
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  Thousands will see psychiatrists or witch doctors etc. because
of issues related with this subject.
 Result of misuse of sex will be seen in violence, pornography,
STDs.
 Failure in the whole area of sex will be seen in cases of
heartbreaks, divorce, abandoned babies etc.

If sex is such a big concern in our society and you are ignorant on
the topic you are not ready to live and to lead in society.

No more burying of the heads in the sand and joining the crowd of
the ignorant.

The young person need to understand the subject very well before
they act so as to deal wisely and confidently with it.

DEBATE ON SEX

Discuss this statement by Walter Trobisch “to refuse sex(before

marriage) is a greater proof of love than to grant it.”

Love can be hurt by sex.

It can be killed by sex.

Therefore love has to be protected.

CARRIED AWAY

“Sex in the wrong context is like being on a river above a big

waterfall!”

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You can easily stop upstream, but as the pull of the current gets
stronger it is harder and harder to get out. Finally there is a point of
no return. You cannot escape even if you want to. There are two
sides to all sexual activity, physical involvement and emotional
commitment. The difficulty is that once you start to get physical, the
progressive pull of sex wants to take this physical expression of sex
farther and farther, even if this takes it beyond the level of

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commitment that exists. So sex outside marriage is like a canoe ride
on a mighty river, caught in the current above the falls.

There are levels of physical involvement:

a) Closeness – speaking about your relationship as you spend

time together;
b) Holding hands and touching - implies deeper commitment;
c) Kissing – kissing and touching are pleasurable in themselves,
so they carry an attraction that is completely apart from
expressing any true commitment;
d) Foreplay
e) Intercourse.

Discuss the reasons for getting caught by the current.

i) Taking sexual myths as gospel truth

ii) Sex is pleasurable – during adolescence your body suddenly
discovers its sexual nature and pleasure it can bring- this
later interferes with other relationships.
iii) Search for love and affection
iv) Low self esteem
v) Insecurity about themselves

N/B:

GIRLS BOYS
- Have little attachment to boys who
- Have very little patience with girls
can only think about one thing – sex.
who have already given in.
- Play sex with a hope of getting
- They play love to get sex.
intimacy

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 vi) N/B:- Sexual relationship during teen years rarely last – less
than 10% result in marriage and those who marry divorce
within the first few years.
vii) It exposes you to heart break too early.
viii) Loss and grief sets in
ix) Breaking with somebody with whom you have shared your
body and soul exposes you to trauma, shame, depression
and despair.
x) The hurricane leaves destruction when it is over
xi) It becomes difficult to trust
xii) Sex combines our minds and bodies in a way that, once
connected they can never be separated territory again.
xiii) Refusing to engage in wrong sex is the best way to tell your
partner “I love you.” I urge you to be strong in this area for
yourself and for your friends.

TOUCH CONTINUUM

Lack of Touch Nurturing Touch Confusing Touch Exploitative Touch

(Good (Bad)
)

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The touch continuum is the range of touch – from lack of touch to
nurturing touch to confusing touch to exploitative touch.

The lack of touch can be good or bad. If a person does not get any
touching, yet needs and wants it, this lack of touch can be bad. If a
person simply does not want to be touched, that is an individual
right. In this case, lack of touch can be good.

The nurturing touch is a positive and good touch. A touch that

feels like something is being given or shared with you – hugs, kisses
and some games are examples of good touch.

The confusing touch is any touch that is not clearly good or bad.
Both good and bad touches may become confusing. Therefore,
confusing touches can’t be labeled. Any touch may become
confusing when:-

 We are not sure what the person means it

 When the person is saying something that does not fit with the
way he or she is touching us (we are getting a double
message)
 When we are not used to the touch or the touch doesn’t fit in
our values, or we simply do not want to be touched
 When the touch is equated with sex.
 The exploitative touch is a tricked or a forced touch – a
touch that feels painful, or as if something were being taken
away from you, or as if you were being used. Kicks, hits, slaps
and sexual abuse are kinds of exploitative touches. Even
simple touches or games like wrestling may become bad or
confusing touches if someone is hurt or forced.

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CAREER GUIDANCE AND COUNSELLING

A) DEFINIFITION OF TERMS
1. Career: This is the total sum of one’s work experiences in
a general occupational category such as teaching,
accounting medicine or sales e.t.c.
2. Occupation: A specific job or work related activity
3. Vocation: A trade or occupation
B) OBJECTIVES OF CAREER COUNSELLING
 Help students to take charge of their career development
make their own decisions, and act on these decisions.
 Help students to imagine career ideas
 Help students to use their functional and adaptive skills
 Help students to deal with negative emotions or thoughts
which inhibit career progress
 Help students to know and determine “steps to a career
goal”
 Help students to choose work that has a sense of meaning
and purpose.
C) COMPETENCIES REQUIRED OF A CAREER GUIDANCE
COUNSELLOR
A career counselor should :
o Know the developmental stages of a counseling
relationship
o Be familiar with common reasons to a counseling
relationship

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 o Possesses good oral and interpersonal communication
skills
o Writes clearly and grammatically and can prepare
reports, letter and resumes
o Listen and communicate empathy, unconditional
positive regard, and genuineness
o Effectively conduct an interview or discussion with
people from various educational, cultural and
socioeconomic
o Familiar with the appropriate use, of psychological
tests
o Understand the changing patterns and meaning of
work in modern society
o Understand the life long process of career
development and broad scope of career counseling
o Familiar with careers information and know how to help
people acquire and use this information
o Promote improved life/work planning via client self-
exploration, values clarification, decision-making and
problem- solving
o Help people develop the skills needed for effective job
seeking e.g. interview skills, c.v. writing
o Be aware of and appreciates individual lifestyle and
cultural differences
o Take account of the effect that a varied cultural and
environmental background can have on a person’s
development

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 o Help students become aware of their needs, set their
priorities and goals and accept the validity of their
wants.

What are the top ten skills that employers want?

VERBAL 1 Able to express your ideas clearly and
COMMUNICATION confidently in speech
TEAMWORK 2 Work confidently within a group

COMMERCIAL 3 Understand the commercial realities affecting

AWARENESS the organisation.
ANALYSING &4 Gather information systematically to establish
INVESTIGATING facts & principles. Problem solving.
INITIATIVE/SELF 5 Able to act on initiative, identify opportunities
MOTIVATION & proactive in putting forward ideas &
solutions
DRIVE 6 Determination to get things done. Make things
happen & constantly looking for better ways of
doing things.
WRITTEN 7 Able to express yourself clearly in writing
COMMUNICATION
PLANNING & 8 Able to plan activities & carry them through
ORGANISING effectively

FLEXIBILITY 9 Adapt successfully to changing situations &

environments
TIME MANAGEMENT 10 Manage time effectively, prioritizing tasks and
able to work to deadlines.
Other skills that were also seen as important
GLOBAL SKILLS Able to speak and understand other
languages. Appreciation of other cultures. See
NEGOTIATING & Able to influence and convince others, to

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PERSUADING discuss and reach agreement.

LEADERSHIP Able to motivate and direct others

NUMERACY Multiply & divide accurately, calculate

percentages, use statistics & a calculator,
interpret graphs & tables.
COMPUTING SKILLS Word-processing, using databases,
spreadsheets, the Internet & email, designing
web pages etc.
SELF AWARENESS Awareness of achievements, abilities, values &
weaknesses & what you want out of life.
PERSONAL Presents a strong, professional, positive image
IMPACT/CONFIDENCE to others which inspires confidence &
commands respect.
LIFELONG LEARNING Continues to learn throughout life. Develops
the competencies needed for current & future
roles
STRESS TOLERANCE Maintains effective performance under
pressure
INTEGRITY Adheres to standards & procedures, maintains
confidentiality and questions inappropriate
behaviour.
INDEPENDENCE Accepts responsibility for views & actions and
able to work under their own direction &
initiative.
DEVELOPING Pays care & attention to quality in all their
PROFESSIONALISM work. Supports & empowers others.
ACTION PLANNING Able to decide what steps are needed to
achieve particular goals and then implement
these.
DECISION-MAKING Determines the best course of action.
Evaluates options based on logic & fact &
presents solutions
INTERPERSONAL Recognises & respects different perspectives.

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SENSITIVITY Open to the ideas & views of others
CREATIVITY Generates & applying new ideas & solutions

 Team playing
 Social skills

Every time you talk how do you greet? Eye contact? Active listening
and avoiding distractions.

 Others :-

Motivatability, flexibility and resilience (rebound after failure?)self-

awareness, acceptance and celebration, curiosity and lifelong
learning, personal direction and you, coachability, self-reliance (do
you solve some of the small problems before reporting?,
competitiveness, dependability .

Pertinent facts to note are:-

– potential is but an outline for your future employability and

career progression. Fill it with life skills and values that will
help you stretch and grow and get a job.
 Teach yourself early enough that failure is information not
personal definition. Learn to rebound quickly from failures.
 Always discover your uniqueness, get self-acceptance in order
to get into poised self-assured adult.
 Your hiring prospects will be greater if your productivity does
not hinge on a supervisor always.
 If you are open to new information you will grow into a
teachable person. As your son watch you conversing with dad

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 are you teachable? Are you a verse to new ideas coming from
your significant others?
 A positive self-esteem is essential to a productive career
because the world is competitive. Build potential of competing
against your goals and it will not die in future.

Career guidance and counselling is encompassing and very diverse.

It happens throughout all stages of growth of an individual. Through
primary secondary, schools, universities and progresses through life.
It entails career preparation, entry into and career progression.
Each stage should be marked by value acquisition that would enable
the individual to maximize potential in the next stage. The stages of
career growth together with values needed should be taken very
seriously by students, mentors, coaches, counsellors teachers
among others. Where there are gaps of knowledge, individuals get
fixated and they can’t grow.

CAREER LADDER

Step 3
Career Progression
Stage 2
Entry into

Stage 1
Preparation

STAGE 1

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Preparation is done through primary, secondary or youth based
organization.

Values – social skills, core living values, self-preservation, cognitive

skills, listening skills, etc. This helps an individual lay a strong
foundation in his line of career

STAGE 2

At the university, learning becomes a bit permissive and those

people without very strong foundation suffer peer pressure which
leads to time and life wasting through addictions, wrong
relationships, apathy, extravagance, procrastination, depression
among others. Those who are well grounded are launched into the
word of work/ top market more prepared and focused.

STAGE 3

Career Progression – the first degree is an academic first stair case.

Likewise the first job is a first stair case in job market. During the
first job, an individual is also expected to give back to the
community, family, or boss. Often time’s people suffer from stress
and burnout if they did not acquire enough skills to survive or if they
were ill prepared. In most cases this also comes with other
challenges of young adulthood e.g. made selection, intimacy
building, raising a young family, further self-discovery property
ownership it is even harder if ones does not have a well formed
identity.

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PSYCHOLOGICAL DEBRIEFING IN CRISIS & TRAUMA SETTINGS

INTRODUCTION
TRAUMA
Is defined as a “mental state of extreme shock caused by a very
frightening or unpleasant experience”.
 Trauma experience causes acute stress with adverse
cognitive, spiritual, physical and emotional consequences.
 In the process, one gets dehumanized and reactions from him
or her may reflect inhuman behavior.
IMPORTANCE OF DEBRIEFING
 Kenyans experienced one form or another or trauma. If a few
or most of Kenyans are still spontaneously being driven by
the traumatic events, it may lead to “abnormal” reactions
even in normal situations. E.g. in anger, one only sees guilty
persons.
PRIMARY TRAUMA
This is when a person directly experiences the shock or hurt. One is
a victim.

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SECONDARY TRAUMA
This is when a person witnesses another person being hurt or sees it
on the media and it affects him. It is also referred to as vicarious
trauma.
TERTIARY TRAUMA
This affects care givers and service providers during disaster e.g.
nurses, Red Cross personnel, doctors, journalists among others.
To be able to assess & intervene effectively in trauma settings, you
have to bear counselling skills and qualities of a counsellor.

You should also be an effective group facilitator.

During a crisis situation, crisis counseling, diffusion or critical

incident debriefing are done once the clients are out of danger.
Diffusion – Done immediately after the incident. Done to the
rescuers ,survivors and victims of the critical incident. It focuses on
feelings when they are out of danger. It is the first aid, as they await
debriefing. You help them process their feelings. Prepares the
ground for debriefing. Debriefing (psychological) is better done
between 24-72 hours after the incident (or if later it is better than
nothing)
After 24 hours people are beginning to recover from shock.
Debriefing is a group experience/meeting of survivors of a stressful
event who are gathered to:-
i) Discuss their experience
ii) Discuss their expression
iii) Discuss their thoughts
With a view to preventing the development of PTSD

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  Helps the individuals to make cognitive understanding of what
they have gone though.
 To make sense of the experience to understand the impact it
had in their life and how they intend to deal with it. It is a
psychological 1st aid.
 Debriefing does not cure (heal the symptoms) but prevents
things form getting worse.
PSYCHOLOGICAL DEBRIEFING
The objectives of psychological debriefing are:-
i) The ventilation of impressions, reactions and feelings.
ii) The promotion of cognitive organization, through clear
understanding of both events and reactions.
iii) Decrease in the sense of uniqueness or abnormality of
reactions, achieving normalization through sharing.
iv) Mobilization of resources within and outside the group,
increasing group support solidarity and unit cohesion.
Preparation for experiences such as symptoms or reactions which
may arise

v) Identification of avenues of further assistance if required.

NB – Some may require medicine, long therapeutic interventions or
some approaches.

Where should it be done?

 Should be done in a safe place away from the stressors

 A quiet place (for concentration) away from distractions.
 It should be done by a qualified trained personnel

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  After 24 hours, people are beginning to come into terms with
themselves.
What should be done in debriefing?

There are 7 different phases in psychological debriefing

i) Introduction phase
ii) Expectations and facts (narrative phase)
iii) Thoughts and impressions
iv) Emotional reactions
v) Normalization/reviewing phase (symptoms stage)
vi) Future planning and coping
vii) Disengagement
CISD (critical incident stress debriefing)

1. INTRODUCTORY PHASE
Introduction by Leader:-
- People should be put in a circle. Start by introducing
yourself and rationale of debriefing.
Group expectations:

 State your qualifications, affiliations or experience

 Say why you have been called
 Experience in the field of trauma
 Get the group to state their expectations
 Make them feel safe from the beginning
 Get the group to draw their norms
 Stress confidentiality
 Tell them about debriefing and why it needs to be done
 Do not make promises

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  Assure them that they will not be forced to work or talk
 Tell them the duration – 2 hours
 Best done two facilitators ( main facilitator and housekeeping
facilitator)
 The house keeper acts as eyes and ears of the group
 Paying attention to the process of the group
 Ask if the group members have any questions. Address any
fears that the members have
 Proper introduction should be done if people don’t know each
other as soon as you introduce yourself
SUGGESTED NORMS:
 Members sit in a round.
 Complete confidentiality is to be observed. No information should
be shared with anyone outside this group.
 You do not have to speak but are encouraged to do so.
 All personnel have equal status during the debriefing. There will
be no ranks during the session(titles, positions, etc.)
 Speak only for yourself.
 No breaks are taken during the debriefing. If an attendee must
leave, a team member will leave with him or her to ensure that
everything is okay.
 Attendees are encouraged to ask questions during the debriefing.
 No note taking or recordings. No press is allowed in the group (If
any one does not feel like they belong in the group, please speak
up about it right away.)
 As little distraction as possible is allowed, no breaks, no
telephone calls, no messages, no beepers etc. .

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 This will not be a time of investigation or critique.
 Please speak for yourself only, not about anyone else either
inside or outside of the room.
 Each individual in the group will be given adequate time to share.
 No one will be hurried or left out, and no one will be allowed to
use the lion’s share of the group’s time.
 No one has to talk if they do not want to do so.
 Plan to stick around for the whole session.
The seven stages of a debriefing session:

FACTS & EXPECTATIONS

 Get the group to explain whatever the expectations people had
during and after the trauma
 Everybody to share facts about what happened to them (what
exactly happened)
Suggested questions
o What happened?
o When did it happen?
o Who was involved?
o What is your relationship with the people involved?
o How did you hear of it?
o What were you told?
 Expectations and facts enable each person to talk about
themselves

2. THOUGHTS PHASE AND IMPRESSIONS

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 - What was your immediate thoughts when the accident
happened (what impression did you make),
- smell (what smells were you aware of
- what sights were you aware of
- what feelings did you have
- what tastes were you aware of
- what did you do after that
- what did you hear . At this point the facilitator picks the;
- Initial thoughts at the time of incident.
- During the incident.
- Anything that keeps coming back in mind.
- Anything that keep recalling
3. EMOTIONAL/REACTION PHASE
- How did you react
- Express all the feelings you experienced then and even
now.
- Get to know the emotional reactions
 Sharing of reactions i.e. physical, emotional, behavior
and spiritual: during, soon after and a few days after the
critical incidence
 Current reactions. Are there strange bodily reactions that
you are aware of? e.g. headache, insomnia etc.
 Address the worst that happened
N/B: After sharing check on
support systems. (Some may emotionally break –
down. Note individuals that may need deeper follow – up)
4. NORMALIZATION/ REVIEWING PHASE:-

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 This involves normalizing reactions:

 It is winding up the critical incidence assisted by the co-

leader.
 Leader normalizes the reactions and qualifies this by noting
specific similarities in the participants’ sharing done earlier.
 Review reactions in the following groups: physical, thoughts,
emotions and behaviour.
 Helps the victims to realize that what they underwent was a
normal reaction to an abnormal situation
 What was your reaction immediately, soon afterwards, a few
hours later etc.?
 What is the perception of the individual next day? Next month?
Etc.
 Teach them coping techniques (education)
 Get them to practice what they will need to do after this.
5. TEACHING PHASE:
 (Input part)
 Give information concerning stress reactions (holistic effects)
symptoms and specific techniques, which will help reduce
reactions, Toxic thoughts, Development of psychological
complications.
 This is where the psycho education based on what the
facilitator has picked is important.
6. FUTURE PLANNING AND COPING
 What have you done in the past to cope?
 What are you planning to do to cope in the future i.e. interview
the clients on their strengths

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 7. CLOSING PHASE:
 Participants may ask questions.
 “Has anyone experienced something positive from this
experience?”

“Is there anything to be thankful for?”

 Closing statement by each attendee

 Summary of the experience is made by the leader.
 Future plans are agreed on – way forward i.e. need for
counseling for the whole group ; individual participants need
for follow – up; need for medical attention (no sleep, poor
appetite, etc.)
 Provide referral sources
 Provide contacts of leader/ co- leader.

TERMINATION

 REFRESHMENTS – (joint relaxed sharing)

The socialization at the end of the closing phase provides the

attendees a transition between the debriefing process and the
resumption of their individual lives.

DISENGAGEMENT

 Giving them ideas of points of reference. Experts in the field –

debriefing is considered useless without follow up.
DIAGNOSIS, COURSE AND PROGNOSIS

Traumatized people can be viewed / referred as patients as well as

clients. In this contexts trauma can be diagnosed, course of

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development established and consequently the prognosis. This will
help the practitioner to establish what lies within normal and
abnormal reactions to trauma.

Course – this refers to the development or progression of an illness.

Prognosis – expected outcome.

DIAGNOSIS
What is diagnosis?

Diagnosis is the identification of a disease, disorder, syndrome or

condition. Symptoms are classified and categorized especially in
syndromic management (where the symptoms only are used to
identify a disease without carrying any examination-This is mainly
used in psychology in the same sense as is used in medicine.

Psychopathology- Disease that comes due to mind (mental causes)

Biopathology- diseases which come due to organic causes e.g.

germs.

In psychopathology we make use of standard material from

international centre for diseases e.g.

1. ICD10- Published by WHO.

2. DSM1V TR.

Both help us diagnose and classify mental illness. But DSM has been
used widely (They are standardized)-because it considers the
conditions and patterns of symptoms. DSM1-DSM1V TR, (Text
revised), CURRENT IS DSM5.

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DSMIV - Can be used to diagnose PTSD.

-Another way is to do a psychological assessment interview (Follow

a detailed set of questions prepared in advance.

A person who has been through trauma is expected to process the

traumatic experience between 8-72hrs maximum. This is through
social support, psychological intervention or individual’s psychic
strength. However some people continue to manifest the trauma
long after. This is abnormal and one could be getting to a clinically
pathological state-mental illness. (The symptoms are intense to the
point of interfering with his social-occupational levels.

Symptoms that persist for a period of one month and below after
the traumatic incident are treated as acute stress disorders.
(ASD)

If the symptom persists for a period of 1-3 months-they are treated

as post-traumatic stress disorders. (P.T.S.D)

If it goes for more than 3-6 months, it is referred to as chronic

post-traumatic stress disorder. The individual can experience
other serious psychological and even somatic complications e.g.
Feeling possessed.

If the person is exposed to traumatic situation and is not

manifesting the symptoms of trauma yet many years later the
symptoms are manifested they are referred to as delayed P.T.S.D.

N/B Mostly a person responds to trauma by moving (in an

overlapping way through intrusive phase (re-experiencing) and
denial phase. Without social support, denial can go forever.

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CONDITIONS THAT CAN MAKE ONE MOVE TO PATHOLOGICAL
STATE
1. If the individual felt horrified and threatened e.g. rape case.

2. If the period of trauma was prolonged and the nature of trauma is

inhuman e.g. prisoners of wars when tortured

3. Suddenness and unexpectedness of the event e.g. airplane

clashes, explosions, major fires, etc.

4. Bloody brutality associated with the trauma e.g. combat, ethnic

clashes, torture chambers war.

5. Cognitive factors i.e. The way somebody interprets the event

looking at it optimistically helps one to heal fast.

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDERS (PTSD)

It a psychiatric syndrome that develops in some individuals after

exposure to a major stressor or trauma.

An individual is said to suffer from P.T.S.D when symptom of trauma

are experienced for more than a month but less than 3 months.

QUALIFYING CRITERIA FOR P.T.S.D

(According to DSM IV)

1. The nature of the trauma is defined. The person must have

experienced witnessed was confronted with an event and
events that involved actual or threatened death or serious
injury as a threat to the physical integrity of self or others.

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 2. The degree of trauma is defined. The person’s response must
have involved intense fear, helplessness or horror or in case of
children involved disorganized and agitated behaviour.
N/B: If both of those are there then the person must have a
requisite number of symptoms from the following three of symptoms

A) RE- EXPERIENCING PHENOMENA

This involves the traumatic event being persistently re –

experienced in one or more of the following ways –:

i) Re–current and intrusive distressing recollection of the

events including images, thoughts, or perceptions (in
children repetitive play in which items of trauma are
experienced)
ii) Re-current distressing dreams of the events (in children, this
may be frightening dreams without recognizable content).
iii) Acting or feeling as if the traumatic events were recurring
(This includes a sense of re living the experience the
experience, illusions, hallucinations and dissociative
flashback episodes, even those that occur upon awakening
and when intoxicated. In children trauma specific re –
increment occur)
iv) Intense psychological distress on exposure to internal or
external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of
traumatic events
v) Physical activity upon exposure to internal or external cues
that symbolizes or resembles an aspect of the traumatic
events.

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B) AVOIDANCE / NUMBING PHENOMENA
This is includes persistent avoidance of things associated with the
trauma and numbing of general responsiveness,(Not present before
the trauma as indicated by three or more) of the following

i) Efforts to avoid thoughts feelings or conversation associated

with the trauma.
ii) Efforts to avoid activity places or people that arouse
recollections of the trauma.
iii) Inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma.
iv) Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant
activities.
v) Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others.
vi) Restricted range of effects for example unable to have love
feeling.
vii) Sense of foreshortened future for example, one does not
expect to have a career, marriage, children or a long life
C) HYPERAROUSAL

This involve persistent symptoms (not present before the trauma) as

indicated by at least two of the following -:

i) Difficult in falling or staying asleep

ii) Irritability or outburst of anger
iii) Difficult in concentrating
iv) Hyper vigilance
v) Exaggerated startle response
DURATION & EFFECT

The duration of these symptoms must be more than one month.

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The disturbance must cause clinically significant distress or
impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of
functioning.

COUNSELLING FOR POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER

ASSESSMENT SCHEDULE

Areas of inquiry for case assessment

1) Motivation
 Do you see yourself as having any particular problem since the
trauma?
 Do you have recurring memories that interfere with your
joining in with or your enjoyment of life?
 Do you need help for any problems that may have arisen?
 Do you feel others have pushed you into seeking counselling
help?
 How do you feel about being offered counselling help?
 Do you have any previous experience of or views about
counselling?
2) The Trauma Events
 When did it happen?
 What (if any) are the sort of memories that sap your enjoyment
of or engagement in life?
 What exactly happened to you?
 Did you think you were going to die?
 Were you injured?
 Did anyone close to you die?

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  Sometimes people feel they let themselves or others down, did
you feel anything like that?
 What got to you most about the whole thing?
3) Coping since
 How do you feel you have coped since the trauma?
 How do you feel you have coped with unpleasant memories?
 Are some situations now difficult to handle in a way they were
never before the trauma?
 Have you felt distressed that you cannot carry on with the
usual things you did before the trauma?
4) Avoidance
 Are there any situations you now avoid?
 Do you try and avoid certain thoughts or pictures related to the
trauma? (if yes, how)
 Do you try to avoid certain memories?
5) Intrusions
 Do you have nightmares about certain types of incidents in
your life?
 Do you have nightmares about trauma? (probe how often in
the past week)
 What happens in the nightmares?
 When you are awake, are your thoughts and pictures of the
trauma so bad that you cannot think of anything else?
- Always at the back of your mind but you can usually get on
with things
- There occasionally, but they do not bother you
6) Reactions of earlier trauma

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  Has the trauma reawakened any earlier painful memories?
 Do your painful memories trigger other painful memories
7) Irritability
 Do you find you are more irritable that before the trauma?
 Do you fly off the handle more?
 Do you get more irritated than before the trauma when others
make mistakes?
 Do you link your irritability (if any) to extremely negative
enduring circumstances?
8) Neurotic symptoms
 Do you often have headaches?
 Is your appetite poor?
 Do you sleep badly?
 Are you easily frightened?
 Do your hands shake?
 Do you feel nervous, tense or worried?
 Is your digestion poor?
 Do you have trouble thinking clearly?
 Do you feel unhappy?
 Do you cry more than usual?
 Do you find it difficult to make decisions?
 Is your daily work suffering?
 Are you unable to play a useful part in life?
 Have you lost interest in things?
 Do you feel that you are a worthless person
 Has the thought of ending your life been in your mind?
 Do you feel tired all the time?

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  Do you have uncomfortable feelings in your stomach?
 Are you easily tired?

NB: A positive response and or more items indicates probable

neurotic disorders

9) Substance Abuse
 Do you use alcohol or drugs to help you cope wit your distress?
 Do you feel alcohol or drug use is a problem to you?
 Do others who are important to you say your alcohol or drug
taking is a problem to them?
10) Looking at the overall circumstances of your life,
do you think that most people would regard it as having
been
a) Not stressful
b) Mildly
c) Moderately
d) Severely
e) Extremely
f) Catastrophically stressful (if d, e, f, probe why)

11) Life before the trauma

How satisfied were you with life in the twelve months before
trauma?

 Has the trauma made worse any difficulties you were

experiencing previously
 Have you had previous trouble with your nerves?

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 12) Suicidal tendencies
 Have you felt that life is not worth living?
 Have you had thoughts of committing suicide?
 Have you thought of specific plan for committing suicide?
 Have you started to do things according to that plan?
 Have you actually made an attempt on your life?
13) Support
 Do you have anyone that you feel you can talk to about
what you have been through?
 Have your friends and your family responded to you since
the trauma?

THE AFTERMATH OF TRAUMA

 Traumas may not even be remembered but can still influence
people in certain unhealthy ways or causes them to make
unhealthy decisions.
 Those whose traumas don’t get healed may grow up to
damage others even their own families.
 People’s ordinary adapting or coping mechanisms to life are
affected.
 Profound and lasting changes in psychological arousal,
emotion, cognition and memory e.g. the ordinary response to
danger continues to persist long after actual danger is over.
(hypervigilance)
 Symptoms of trauma include anxiety, panic disorders,
depression, intense fear, anger, loneliness, attachment
disorders, flashbacks, helplessness, loss of control and threat of
annihilation.

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  Panic, anxiety, flashbacks and anger sometimes are labeled
under the diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorders. (PTSD)
 PTSD occurs when one goes beyond one month without being
debriefed.
 If ones stays with unprocessed trauma for three months and
above, it becomes Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Other features noticeable after trauma are
- Drugs and substance abuse.
- Poor control of impulses.
- Inability to process grief.
- Anger.
- Survival guilt.
- Anarchy.
- Hampered social competence.
- Suicide and suicidal ideations.
- Anxiety attacks.
- Depression.
- Divorce and separation.
- Revenge and cycle of revenge.
- Stress and burn out.

TOXIC THOUGHTS

- Post traumatic era programs people’s thoughts negatively.

Their minds are polluted with toxic thoughts and
manipulations from the political environment.
- Young and adults, regurgitate lies, prejudices and half truths
they are fed with and it influences their reactions and
behavior.

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 - Tribal coalitions are overemphasized over nationalism to
enhance defense against perceived ‘enemies’.
- The only way to own property, get jobs, business
opportunities, political power and security is to have my
‘tribe’ win.
- The ‘winning tribe’ therefore is perceived wrongfully as
superior and therefore other tribes feel deeply neglected and
impoverished.
- Some politicians have made the situation worse by
misinforming people and making incorrect historical analysis
and even inciting vulnerable Kenyans.
- The ‘PENALTY’ we pay as a nation is to lose our sense of
nationalism.
REVENGE

Revenge is an act of retaliation resulting from an event or series of

events that cause physical or emotional harm in varying degrees.

- People tend react with anger, fear and a strong desire to get
even with those who might have caused them pain.
- There is a strong desire to get a culprit
- Most of the people who trigger violence are not likely to feel
the pain or express any remorse
- Our strong desire to make someone pay can destroy our own
emotional foundation and our values (we can also suffer
emotional counter harassment) as we agonize to get an
answer that is so elusive.
- We might get new fabrics based on prejudices especially when
we learn without the facts and a just cause to do so

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 - When we allow ourselves to prejudice against those ethnic
groups, we believe are responsible, we give them yet another
victory by allowing them to enter our souls and hold us
personally hostage.
- Don’t paint everyone with the same brush
- It is human to react with fear towards anything or anybody who
resembles the perpetrator.

However, this only fuels what we call “flush fires” that will cloud
the real issue that need to be addressed within each individual

- The driving force to hold someone accountable and responsible

will interfere with our ability to think rationally and to those
who are not in support of what happened.
- It is better if action against those unacceptable acts replaces
anger and fear to avoid wasting more energy in future doing
the same.
- In place of careless talk people should be professionally
facilitated to understand why they feel the way they do

THE CYCLE OF REVENGE

- Revenge magnifies bad feelings unlike what people believe

that it will make you better
- Those directly involved are derived a chance to foster
improved relationship
- As each act of retaliation is initiated the stakes become higher
and intensity of retaliation increases.

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 - The cycle disables a normal functioning capacity, which often
results in an individual or organization becoming obsessed with
harming the other party.
- Over time, the rationale and purpose become lost and parties
forget what they are disagreeing over.
- E.g. an interethnic conflict that is multigenerational
transmitted. Those that are carrying the cause were not
participants in the precipitating events; therefore their role in
the ongoing conflict is driven by objectives that are not
necessary derivatives of their original intent.
- Revenge feelings can be overcome when we give ourselves
time to calm down and properly evaluate the events that
precipitated the crisis.
- Revenge is never a solution but a fuel to continue an existing
problem.
- The problem needs to be understood fully rather than reacting
without evaluating the risk associated with the reactions we
choose.
- Revenge only gives perceived gratification; it can never undo
what happened.
- It can only make the future complicated (no better) because an
act of revenge becomes another layer to which another party
has to respond
- The cycle of revenge is a stimulus to an already difficult
situation
- Forgiveness never alters the past but it broadens the future.

AVOIDING THE CYCLE OF REVENGE

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  Give yourself “time out”
 Know the differences between wanting revenge, which is a
normal human reaction and acting on those feelings
 Give yourself time to fully absorb what has happened prior
to making decisions about your next steps
 Talk to your peers and those who can support you
 Use support services offered through your church or
organization or seek professional help to deal with your
feelings
 Give yourself permission to feel angry and hurt, the
emotional and physical pain is very real.

A WORD ON FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness is a deliberate act of will one makes in obedience to

God to not let the actions, feelings and attitudes of another person
control and direct ones actions, feelings, attitudes towards that
person. It is done freely after careful thought. It is not automatic. It
is a process, something one has to work hard at.

Stages in forgiveness

i) Acknowledge that you have been hurt/offended or betrayed.

You must own up the pain or loss and not try to cover it up.
Express feelings.
ii) Voluntary release the right to hold on to the feelings related
to the hurt i.e. bitterness, resentment, anger and guilt
iii) Desire/seek for reconciliation whenever /if possible. You can
seek reconciliation and yet the other partner refuses to
reciprocate or he/she is not available but you do your part.

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 iv) Extend to the offender an invitation to rebuild the
relationship through expression of unconditional love (UPR)
choose one act of kindness you can extend to the offender
in sincerity, choose something that will genuinely
demonstrate your love even if it is not reciprocated.

KEY VALUE ASSAULTED DURING TRAUMA

During disaster or catastrophe the key values or views that
determine the way we look at life are challenged and sometimes
changed. They include;

 Just world- is there justice in this world?

 Just God- if God is just why did he allow this to happen?
 Existence of social guardians- is there security anywhere?
 Respect for life- how can life be precious if someone can kill so
indiscriminately?
 Reason and not chance rules - reality - can these be a reason
for what has happened?
 Good prevails over evil – if good prevails how come all this evil
has taken place
 People are good - if people are good how can someone cause
so much suffering?

Given the above, trauma workers should be in a position of

understanding the values of the people they are working with and
also help them to develop new values or see sense in retaining even
the old ones.

- Values provide happiness

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 - Values are the treasure of life , making humans healthy
and wealthy
- A life filled with values is a life of self respect and
dignity .Values provide autonomy/ freedom
- They expand capacity to be self sufficient hence fast
recovery from traumatic experiences and situations
- They liberate one from external influences and minimize
dependency
- They offer protection and those who get it are able to
share with others.
- Values provide empowerment and deplete weakness
and deficiencies
- They open the heart and transform human nature so that
one is filled with compassion and humility.
SOME OF THE VALUES, VIRTUES AND PRINCIPLES ARE:

Self-discipline- means self-control.

- It is doing what you really want to do, rather than being

tossed around by your feelings like a leaf in the wind.
- You act instead of react. You get things done in an orderly
and efficient way.
- With self-discipline, you take charge of yourself

Tact – is telling the truth kindly.

- Considerate of how your words affect others feelings.

- Think before you speak, knowing what is better left
unsaid.
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 - When you are tactful, others find it easier to hear what
you have to say .Tact builds bridges

Tolerance - Being tolerant is accepting difference you don’t except

others to think, look, speak or act just like you.

- You are free of prejudice, knowing that all people have

feelings, needs, hopes, and dreams.
- Tolerance is also accepting things you wish were different
with patience and flexibility

Service - service is giving to others, making a difference to their

lives.

- You consider their needs as important as your own.

- Be helpful without waiting to be asked do every job with
excellence.
- When you act as a spirit of service you can change the
world.

Love - where there is love, there is a world.

- Love looks on all with a vision of equality.

- Love is all giving without any thought of a return.
- A heart that has love is able to accommodate the whole
universe and still has a space for more.
- Selfless love is truly unlimited; it forgets and forgives and
forgets the weakness and sees only the beauty and
specialties of everyone

Unity - unity helps us to work and live together peacefully.

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 - We feel connected with each other and all living things .
- We value the specialness of each person as a gift, not as
a reason to fight or be scared.
- With unity we accomplish more together than any of one
of us could alone.

Understanding - is using your mind clearly.

- Paying careful attention to see the meaning of things.

- An understanding mind gives you insights and wonderful
ideas.
- An understanding heart gives empathy and compassion
to others.
- Understanding is the power to think and learn and also to
care.

Trust - trust is having faith in someone or something.

- It is a positive attitude about life.

- You are confident that the right thing will happen without
trying to control it or make it happen.
- Even when difficult things happen, trust helps to find the
gift or lesson in it.

Simplicity- simplicity is identifying and being comfortable with

those elaborate circumstances which shape our lives
without worrying or making matters complicated.

- It requires facing any complexity with a plain and simple

mind.

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 - Simplicity starts with the self and overflows to everything
else around us.
- A life lived in simplicity is a satisfying life which inspires
everyone yet posed by one.

Other values & virtues include:-

- Patriotism
- Accountability
- Assertiveness
- Bravery
- Caution
- Commitment
- Discipline
- Excellence
- Forgiveness
- Humility/humble
- Integrity
- Justice
- Knowledge
- Orderliness
- Honesty
- Peace cooperation
- Respect
- Responsibility
- Freedom
- Moderation
- Grace (elegance & beauty of expression and movement)

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 - Faith
- Credibility.

Session Overview
The prime purpose of this session is to orientate you to the system
perspective. You will be introduced to sub-systems within larger
system in families. You will be focused on development of
pathology in family system and properties or components of
systems.
In a nut-shell will ensure that you conceptualize the operations of
systems in promoting wellness and sickness in family system.
1. Upon successful completion of this session, you should be able
to:
a. Define what a system is.
b. Outline the properties or components of systems.
c. Describe clearly the development of pathology in families.
d. Discuss articulately each of the components of the systems.
A systems perspective
In triads, the participants brainstorm what a system is and
what makes it a system.
A system is a complex of elements or components in interaction.
Systems operate by means of feedback loops. Theorists and
researchers from various fields explored the fields of cybernetics
(e.g. psychologists, physiologists, anthropologists, psychiatrists etc.)
Cybernetics is the science of communication and control. Each
system has its principles, its rules and its components. It can be
said the family is governed by explicit and implicit rules, regulations
and conventions governing its behaviour and interactions
individually, personally as well as interpersonally and jointly.

Most of the rules of interactions and behaviour are unspoken and

are only intuitive. Often family members cannot describe all the
rules of interaction that have affected their behavior patterns
(woody et al; 13a)
1.2 What is a family

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It is a network of relationships. It is an emotional unit. A relationship
is dynamic i.e. it gives rebirth (regeneration) to itself i.e. it can be
closed or open, fused/enmeshed, conflictual, cutt-offs.
Families will operate on feedbacks.
1.2.2 What does a family comprise of?
It comprise of wholeness i.e. a family abhor a vacuum
It comprises of a relationship
It comprises of belief system
Family rules e.g. financial etc.
Family needs e.g. respect, privacy
Birth order i.e. the way one follows the other
Sub-systems.
1.4.0 A family comprises of the following sub-systems

Marital

Extended family Individual

Sibling Parental

Marital/Spousal sub-system

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It comprises of the men and the women in dysfunctional
relationship. A child or a thing can be manipulated into the sub-
system/relationships. You can even trans… a pet or work-are
You married to your work?
We need to identify what has been triangulated in each client’s
relationship.
Parental sub-system
It comprises of the parents – the man and wife. This subsystem has
a responsibility to take care of the dependency needs of the
children- education, food, clothing etc.
When it is not working, a lot of damage is done to the children. If
the boundary of parental subsystems is not made clearly they will
feel hurt e.g. when the children comes in and take their roles – the
parents will start calling the children names.
Sibling sub-system
Children too have their own sub-system, which should be respected
by parents. They have their own language, belief system, defined
tasks etc.
When one is triangulated into the parental system. The others will
feel betrayed. Children engage in a lot of role plays and so they are
to be allowed to initiate their own industries.
In places where their privacy is intended they feel frustrated and
abused. We need to have boundaries for them, respect and protect
their privacy.
Individual sub-system
Individuals need their own boundaries because they have their own
goals, needs, desires, boundaries, which need to be respected.
Ambitions where they are going. When an individual privacy is not
respected they feel abused and intruded into. Most of the time they
become the most difficult persons. Sometimes they decide to be
rebellious and …. Mant, they are acting out the family’s
dysnfunctionality.

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We should listen to them in order to clarify their goals, ambitions,
boundaries, desires etc instead of us misguiding them. Being an I.P
is taking the role unconsciously.
Supra-system
These are other systems than the families that influence us. The
family systems e.g. church, race, school, mosque, government,
economic, world (Celestral). They are going to affect our family
system. Therefore as we are counselling these families, we should
not neglect the issues coming from the super (supra) systems.
Families as system
Family system model shows how every person in the family plays a
part in the whole system. In families there are components,
principles and rules that regulate this system e.g. the game of 3.
The IP to the symptoms bearer of the family’s dysnfunctionality.
One family will represent the dysfunctionalities of other families.
When you identify the patient family e.g. you don’t need to go to
every Meru home to learn about their societal dysnfunctionality and
family dysfunctionality. The family system will operate through
feedback and feedback loops. Closed feedback loops are negative
and they keep the system frozen and unchanging. These closed
feedback loops are facilitated by rules which are overt or covert.
This leads to the personous pedagogy. This produces shameful
people who will understand you
Development of pathology in systems
A family member may be experiencing a medical or psychodynamic
problem (Woody et al, 1989). According to the medical model, it is
held that mental illness is due to genetic, biochemical or
intrapsychic factors, in which case diagnosis and treatment is
centered on patient. The psychodynamic model views the patient,
the identified patient (I.P) as being affected by illnesses within the
system.

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The following are proponents of psychodynamic view of
pathology.
Cristen, milde, Margaret singer, Lyman Gregory, Batesone, Virginia
Setin, Sevador Minuchin, Carl Whittaker and Hay Haley.
They agreed that pathology especially of schizophrenia was a
problem caused by the manner of socialization. All family members
are caught up by reciprocal victimizing and rescuing process in
which they are tragically enmeshed.
Virginia Satir saw illness as caused by fault and perodoxial patterns
of interpersonal communication.
What are the factors that cause illness in individuals within
families.
Poor communication
Enmeshed relationships/Distancing (getting lost in relationship) it is
earning illness in the system
Disrespect for individual
Rules no longer applicable – we challenge sciences religions beliefs
and leave those that are applicable.
Abandonment and inability to have needs met
Components of system
In groups, discuss the following terms in relationships to families;
wholeness, relationship, new belief systems, family rules, family
needs and birth-order characteristics. Define each of the term
provided and how it affects the operations of families.
Wholeness
The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. This means that
elements brought together are not going to make a whole or system
because they are in debris.
Wholeness comes from interactions of components/elements within
the systems. This means that where there are no interactions the

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families are so disconnected. Without interacting there are no
systems within the family units.
Relationship
A system is comprised of connecting relationships. Each person is
going to be party whole and partly a part (their uniqueness).
Individuals will be unique and well as being an imprint. This means
that the individuals are going to be representing their families and
even when you are carried with you. All these imprints come from
relating with every member of your family. This is a deep uncom….
Organismic unit that we have in our families.
Belief Systems
Positive feedback is going to break up the frozen status. … of the
system.
This positive feedback is going to challenge the unexamined and
destructive rules. Challenging the assumptions of poisonous
pedagogies you are giving positive feedback (is one way of giving)
Family Rules
Individuals are not bad but rules are. So we need to separate
individuals from the rules. Systems fail not because of bad people
but because of bad rules.
Family Needs
A need for pride and integrity.
Families have needs for self-worth.
They have a need for physical security and productiveness.
They have a need for intimacy and relatedness (This should be from
within and without).
They need a unified structure.
A sense of responsibility otherwise they will feel hurt.
A need for challenge and stimulation
Need a sense of joy.

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A need for continuity.
A wife and a husband committed to a healthy relationship.
This prevents gets in terms of needs. When gaps exist some
members of the family will rise up to fill the need. This creates
know a dysfunctional role in the family. Our generation is the most
misused. Some end up being saints to cleanse the family. Others
seemed super responsible. Another decides to be a Hero of the
family e.g. reading throughout and they get burn-out.
Other becomes the Mascot- This is the crown of the family. They
remove people from feeling it intensely, but they are also caught up.
We have the IP which is the escape goat. He is the weeping port- all
the blames are directed to him/her. Sometimes the scapegoat can
be. The Mascot. These roles make people to be rigid and the
systems become dysfunctional.
Birth Order Characteristics – THE BACH MODEL
Birth order is predicted on the needs of any social system rather
than specific needs of dysfunctional systems. Four basic needs
outlined by back model are;
a) Need for productivity
b) Need for emotional maintenance
c) Need for relationship
d) Need for unity
The First Child
They hold to the family rules and well being.
Bears the family unconscious and also explicit expectations.
Mostly carries the performance expectations (They are performers)
taking the productivity needs of the family. They will make
decisions and hold values that are consistence or that are
incomplete with the fathers.
Behaviour patterns- They are others oriented and socially aware
(taking care of others)
1.7.2 The Second Child

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This one relates to the emotional maintenance of the family. They
will respond to the covert and overt rules of the family system.
They make decisions with their heart and not head. They relate
much with the mother. If it is a boy, they are made the kind of
husband she wanted to be married to. If it is a girl and the mother
had provisions desires, they will go and actualize the desires.
She/he connects with the emotions.
1.7.3 The Third Child
They make their decisions with the hear.
Relates to the relationship needs of the family. They are going to
relate with the marriage relationship. They will get sick, depressed
etc. in order to heal the marriage. They are the best symbols of
what is happening in the marriage.
Behaviour patterns- They become the best surveyor of the marriage
patterns.
Relatedness is the…concern of this child.
They appear uninvolved but they are very involved.
They are ambivalence and they have trouble making decision.
1.7.4 The Fourth Child
Takes the unification needs of the family system.
They catch the unresolved tensions of the family
The behavioural patterns for these children:
They feel very responsible, powerless and helpless
-
Can resort to a Mascot
-
Appear infantile and I ….
-
May be disruptive and scapegoat the family in order to
-
take care of it.
1.7.5 The Only Child
The only child will carry all the family process functions.
But in dysfunctional families this is the only child that carries the
covert dysfunctions.

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SUMMARY
As a systemic therapist appropriate interventions are predicted
upon a clear understanding of the dynamics of the family. It is
believed the focus on the family system as the origin of problems
implies the family is in need of help. Family members are hence
summoned for counseling. The internationality of the practitioner is
to inject wellness and functionality in the whole system. It is a
treatment of choice.
LESSONS
1. The intention was to have the communication patterns we
picked from our parents or either of the parents.
2. There is a connection between our noise and our family of
origin.
3. There is a lot of modeling of communication from our parents.
4. Assumptions in our expectations make us to have conflicts and
this breaks communication.
5. Some jokes shared in the family of origin can offend some
people and this is the ways of communication.
6. What we talk and what we intend to or tell ourselves is quite
different and this brings problem i.e. what you are left telling
yourself.
7. Most non-verbals are picked from our families of origin.
8. Culture and uniqueness of individuals can conflict
communication
9. In matters of children parenting there must be a boundary so
as to avoid division and confusion.
10. Sometimes there is the aspect of getting lost in the roles
especially when the children conspire with the mother. The
father is left alone to take care of himself.

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 11. The children can be able to pick up our values and start game
playing with us. So we need to find a common ground for our
children.
COMMUNICATION IN THE FAMILY
PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT ACTIVITY
Imagine that you are back to your childhood years listening to your
family talk.
Describe the following aspects of their communication:-
ii) Noise level
iii) Amount of body language
iv) Tone of voice
Describe how clear, direct and specific your family communication
style.
How do you think you are affected by their style of communication?

GRIEF
Refers to the process of experiencing the psychological, social and
physical reactions to one’s perception of loss. This definition has 5
important implications:-
a. Grief is experienced in 3 major ways. Psychologically- Feeling,
thoughts and attitudes, Socially (through behaviour with others)
and Physically (through one’s health and bodily symptoms).
b. Grief is a continuing development, involving changes overtime. It
will come and go and appear at different times.
c. It is a natural expected reaction. In fact the absence of it is
abnormal in almost all cases.
d. Grief is the reaction to all kinds of losses, not just death.
e. Grief is based upon your unique, individualistic perception of loss.
Mourning
The term refers to the conscious and unconscious processes that
i) Gradually undo the psychological ties that had bound one to
his/ her loves ones.
ii) Help one adapt to his/ her loss.
iii) Help one to learn how to live healthy in the new world without
him or her.
Bereavement
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This is the state of having suffered a loss. To be bereaved means
that one has suffered a loss.
Anticipating Death
Anticipating grief refers to the process in which a bereaved person
goes through all the phases of grief in advance. They start to undo
the bond. This is experienced by both the one dying and those that
will be alive. The person dying goes through bereavement overload.
Anticipating death helps the individuals involved to process their
grief appropriately because they are not caught unawares.
Complicated or pathological grief
It is when grief becomes chronic. Prolonged grief may be masked or
hidden in psychosomatic symptoms.
Exaggerated grief- all signs of acute grief are exaggerated. For
example, phobic attacks like wailing, talking a lot about the person
etc.
Delayed grief- postponed or suppressed grief can be activated by
another death and then the person start paining.
TYPES OF LOSSES
There are two kinds of losses;
i) Physical – they’re tangible, something that one can touch.
For example, a person, property, valued object etc.
ii) Symbolic – they’re psychological in nature. They are related
to the psychological aspects of a person’s social
interactions. They’re abstract and cannot be seen or
touched. Examples of a symbolic loss include getting a
divorce, losing status because of job demotion, or losing a
friendship after an argument. There are some losses that
occur as in response to human development and to normal
change and growth e.g. decline of physical abilities as one
ages. Change involves a loss, of the status quo especially of
the way things were. Some losses are competency – based
e.g. graduating from college, having a child leave home,
achieving long worked for goal, or terminating therapy are
experiences that result in the loss of striving. People feel
sad but are not aware they are involved in grief.

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MANIFESTATIONS OF GRIEF
i) Feelings
a) Sadness, - a feeling of being very low and disillusioned.
b) Anger – it is a very confusing feeling. The mourner can be
angry at the dead for having left him or her. Anger results
from two sources- i) at the sense of frustration- that there was
nothing once could do to prevent death. ii) from a kind of
regressive experience that occurs after the death of someone
else.
c) Guilt and self-reproach – guilt over having not being kind
enough. It can be something that was neglected around the
time of death.
d) Anxiety – it can range from a light sense of insecurity to a
strong panic attack. It comes from two sources; i) survivors
fear they’ll not be able to take care of themselves. ii) it also
relates to a heightened sense of personal death awareness –
awareness of one’s own mortality.
e) Loneliness – it is a feeling frequently expressed by the
survivors particularly those who were very close to the dead
person on a day to day basis.
f) Helplessness – Death engenders helplessness, thus making
death very stressful. Widows in particular often feel extremely
helpless.
g) Shock – it occurs in the case of sudden death.
h) Numbness – it is a state of lack of feelings. After a loss, the
survivor can feel numb. It probably occurs because there are
too many feelings to deal with that to allow them all would be
overwhelming. The person experiences numbness as a
protection from this flood of feelings.
ii) Physical reactions
Physical reactions play a significant role in the grieving process e.g.
a) Hollowness in the stomach
Tightness in the chest
b) Tightness in the throat
c) Over sensitivity to noise

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 d) A sense of depersonalization e.g. ‘I walk down the street and
nothing seems to be real including myself.
e) Breathless, feeling short of breath
f) Weakness in the muscles
g) Lack of energy
h) Dry mouth
iii) Cognitions
Certain thoughts are common in the early stages of grieving and
usually disappear after a short time. But sometimes thoughts
persist and trigger feelings that can lead to depression or anxiety.
a) Disbelief – The person would want to believe it did not happen
especially if it was sudden.
b) Preoccupation- This is an obsession with thoughts about the
deceased. Sometimes preoccupation takes the form of
intrusive thoughts or images or the deceased suffering and
dying.
c) Sense of presence- The grieving person can think that
though deceased person is somehow still in the current area of
time and space.
d) Hallucinations- They can be both auditory and visual.
Although disconcerting some, many others find these
experiences helpful.
iv) Behaviours
These can range from sleep and appetite disturbances to absent –
mindedness and social withdrawal. The following behaviours are
commonly reported after a loss and usually correct themselves over
time.
a) Sleep disturbances
b) Appetite disturbances
c) Dreams of the deceases
d) Avoiding reminders of the deceased
DETERMINANTS OF GRIEF
For some survivors the grief is a very intense experience, whereas
for others it is rather mild. For some, grief begins at the time they
hear of the loss, while for others it is delayed experience. Grief can
take a short period or a long period of time, while for others it seems
to go forever.

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Experiences are mostly related to the developmental level and
conflict issues of the individuals involved most determinants fall into
the following categories;
a) Who the person was
Closeness of the deceased to the survivor determines how that
person will react to the death.

b) Nature of attachment
The nature of attachment would depend on- the strength of
attachment (level of intimacy) the security of attachment (how
necessary was the deceased for the sense of well-being of the
survivor), the ambivalence in the relationship (in a highly
ambivalent, relationship, there is a tremendous amount of guilt,
often expressed as “Did I do enough? And conflicts with the
deceased.
c) Mode of death
How the person determines the grieving; natural, accidental,
suicidal, homicidal. Other factors would be where it occurred
geographically, whether expected e.t.c. Studies show young
survivors of sudden deaths have a difficult time a year or two later
than people with advance warning (Parkes & Weis, 1982)
d) Historical antecedents
Were there previous losses and how were they grieved? Are they
bringing irresolution from a previous one? People with a previous
depressive illness would have a difficult time grieving. Are there
other crisis to be dealt with and how do the survivors see those
crises impinging on themselves.
e) Personality variables
Personality of the mourner is important to be taken into account
when understanding an individuals’ response to loss e.g. age, how
inhibited they are in their feeling, how they handle anxiety and cope
with stressing situations. People with certain personality disorders
may have a difficult time handling loss.
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f) Social variables
In order to know how a person will grieve, you have to know
something about the social, ethnic and religious background of the
survivor. Social support in grieving helps the survivor to deal with it
well.
g) Concurrent stresses
These are the concurrent changes and crises that arise following a
death. High disruptions following a death affect bereavement.
THE MOURNING PROCESS.
Stages: Some writer’s on grief view the mourning process in stages.
The difficulty with this approach is that people expect to move
literally from one stage to another e.g. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s
stages of dying (1969).
Phases: Parkers, Bowlby, Sanders others adopt the word ‘phase:
Parkes (1970) has 4 phases of mourning.
Phases I: Numbness.
Phase II: Yearning- yearning for the lost one to return and denies
permanence of the loss. There is a lot of anger.
Phase III: disorganization and despair.
Phase IV: Reorganized Behaviour.
Phases imply a certain passivity, something the mourner must pass
through.
Tasks
Tasks imply the mourner needs to take action and can do
something. It also implies an outside intervention in agreement with
Freud’s concept of grief work. Grief creates tasks that need to be
accomplished.
WILIAM WORDENS (1991) 4 TASKS OF MOURNING
Task I: To accept the Reality of the Loss.

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To accept the person is dead and will not return. Some people
exhibit bizarre behaviour precipitated by denial. It is called
returning the deceased in mummified condition ready for use when
he or she returns.
Task II: To work through the pain of Grief
It is important to go through the pain of grief in order to get the grief
work done (parkers, 1972).
People can short-circuit Task II in the following ways;
 Cut off their feelings and deny the pain is present.
 Avoiding painful thoughts (through thought stopping)
 Stimulating only the pleasant thoughts.
 Idealizing the dead.
 Avoiding any reminders of the dead.
 Using alcohol or other drugs.
John Bowlby (1980) says sooner or later, some of those who avoid all
conscious grieving breakdowns. Counseling facilitates people
through the difficult task.
TASK III: To adjust to an environment in which the deceased is
missing.
It depends on the relationship with the deceased and the roles
played.
It is about coming to terms with living alone. It comes three months
after the death. Many survivors resent taking new skills to help
them perform duties used to be performed by the decease. Thy also
have to adjust to the sense of self. Death brings the loss of the
sense of self for those who define themselves through relationships
and caring for others.
TASK IV: To emotionally relocate the deceased and move on
with life.
Withdrawing emotional energy from the deceased and reinventing it
in another relationship. Mourning has quite a precise psychical task
to perform. Its function is to detach the survivors’ hopes and
memories from the dead (Freud, 1913 p. 65)

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The counselor’s task is to help the bereaved give up their
relationship with the deceased, but to help them find an appropriate
place for the dead in their emotional life. The forth task is hindered
by holding onto the past attachment rather than going on and
forming new ones. Some people realize later their life stopped at the
point of this death. (They make a pact with themselves never to
love again).

THEORIES OF GRIEF
Attachment Theory
Bowlby (1977) observes how human beings make strong affectional
bonds with others and offers reactions that occur when those bonds
are threatened or broken. He offers that attachments come from a
need for security and safety. They develop early in life and are
usually directed to certain individuals. Attachment behaviour
maintains an affectional bond. The greater the potential for loss,
the more intense these reactions and the more varied.
Psychoanalytic Theory
Freud offered that when death takes place, the bereaved have to
resolve the issue of death. The person has to relocate Libidal
energy from the person who has died to another object. To be able
to do that there must be ego identification with the dead person
(reality principal).
Theory of Psychosocial Transitions
It was developed by Collin Murray Parkes. He was a psychiatrist by
training but ended in loss and grief. He offered that people live in a
world of assumption. Internally, there are things people believe e.g.
that our friends will always be there”. When people die the
assumptive world of the survivors is affected or challenged; and
they have to construct another world where death is inevitable. One

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used to follow a certain pattern of doing things and when death
occurs, he/she needs to readjust. Statements like ‘Life will never be
the same again’ are uttered.
GRIEF COUNSELLING
If people are unable to resolve their feeling about the loss and this
hinders the ability to accomplish the tasks, counseling implied.
Grief counseling facilities uncomplicated grief while Grief therapy is
about specialized grief reactions. There is always the risk of making
grief seem pathological because of the formal intervention of a
mental health worker.
Goals of Grief Counseling
1. To increase the reality of the loss.
2. To help the counselee deal with both expressed and latent
affect
3. To help counselee to overcome various impediments to
readjustment after the loss.
4. To encourage counselee to say an appropriate goodbye and to
feel comfortable reinvesting back into life.
Counseling principles and procedures
The following can be used to help the client work through an acute
situation of grief and come to a resolution.
Principle 1: Help the survivor actualize the loss- You help the
client to come to a more complete awareness that the loss has
actually occurred. You do this by helping the survivors to talk about
the loss. Where did the death occur? How did it happen? Who told
you about it? Where were you? The counselor can be a patient
listener and can continue encouraging the person to talk about the
loss.
Principle 2: Help the survivor to identify and express
feelings – Feelings experienced are unpleasant and may not be felt
totally to the degree that allows working through. Some unpleasant
feelings include:- anger, guilt, anxiety and helplessness.
Anger

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Many people experience anger but they do not associate it as anger
towards the deceased. If it is not directed towards the deceased it
can be internalized. Since thy wouldn’t acknowledge their anger
towards the dead because of cultural and religious beliefs using
subtle words would help, e.g. what do you miss about him?, what
don’t you miss about him?
Guilt
Survivors can feel guilty because they did not provide better
medical care. Parents feel guilty that they could not help the child
stop hurting or prevent the child from dying. They can also feel
guilty because they are not dying. They can also feel guilty because
they are to feeling sad enough. But all those are irrational feelings.
Anxiety and helplessness
People left behind feel fearful and anxious. They feel they cannot
get along alone. This is a regressive experience that can be worked
through using cognitive restructuring. They can identify ways which
helped them to cope before.
Death of a significant other heightens’ awareness of our own
mortality.
Sadness
There are occasions when sadness and crying need to be
encouraged. People refuse to cry because they fear losing their
relationships, that it will not look dignified or that it will embarrass
others. But expression of sadness provides internal relief and
working through.
Principles 3: Assist living without the deceased- Helping them
to live with the reality and be independent. It is important to
address sexual needs for spouses.
Principle 4: Facilitate Emotional Relocation of the deceased –
Find a new place for the lost loved one- that will allow the survivor
to move forward with life and form new relationships. Reminiscing
is one way to gradually divert the emotional energy tied up with the
deceased.

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Some people feel (spouse) they cannot start anew relationship
because they believe it will dishonour the memory of their departed
spouse, others feel no one can ever fill the place of the lost person.
Others jump into new relationships and the cousellor can help them
identify how appropriate that is. If rushed, relationships may have
negative effects for the relationship to work. The new person must
be recognized and appreciated for himself or herself.
Principle 5: Provide time to Grieve - Grieving requires time. It is
the process of cutting cords, and such a process is gradual. Another
critical time is around the first anniversary of death. All kinds of
thoughts and feelings come to the fore during that time and often a
person will need extra support.
Principle 6: Interpret ‘Normal’ Behaviour’ – after a significant
loss, many people have the sense that they are going crazy. If the
counselor has a clear understanding of what normal grief behaviour
is, then he or she can give the bereaved some reassurance about
the normality of these new experiences.
Principle 7: Allow individual differences – All grieving people do
not do it the same way. Family members are uncomfortable when
one family member deviates from the behaviour of the rest. Affirm
the individual constructive expressions of grief.
Principle 8: Provide continuing support – Counsellors can make
themselves available to the survivor and family over the most
critical time periods at least for the first year following the death.
The counsellor’s role here is to provide hope and along range
perspective.
Principle 9: Examine defenses and coping styles – The
counselor helps clients to examine their particular defenses and
coping styles.
Some people may get into substance taking behaviour. Refusal to
look at pictures of the deceased would be an unhealthy way of
coping.
Principle 10: Identity pathology and refer – it is important for
grief counselors to recognize their limitations and to know when to

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refer a person for grief therapy or other psychotherapy. This
particular role is often called gate-keeper’s role.
What to avoid – platitudes
They are not helpful. They are dispensed by well-meaning friends
and occasionally be a counselor. E.g. I know how you feel, Be a
brave little boy, Life is for living, this will soon end, it will be over in
a year etc.
USEFUL TECHNIQUES
a) Evocative Language – the counselor can use tough words
that evoke feelings e.g. your son died instead of ‘you lost your
son’. This brings reality home and can stimulate some painful
feelings that need to be felt.
b) Uses of symbols – Have the deceased bring photos of the
deceased. Other symbols would be letters written by the
deceased, audio and video tapes of the deceased.
c) Writing – Have the survivor write a letter or letters to the
deceased expressing thoughts and feelings. Keeping a journal
of one’s grief experience or writing poetry can also facilitate
the expression of feelings and send personal meaning to the
experience of loss.
d) Drawing – Like writing drawing pictures that reflect one’s
feeling as well as experiences with the deceased can also be
helpful.
e) Role playing – Helping the bereaved to role play various
situations that they fear or feel awkward about is one way to
build skills.
f) Cognitive restructuring – The counselor helps the client to
identify covert thoughts and self-talk and they are evaluated
for accuracy. The underlying assumption is that our thoughts
influence our feelings.
g) Memory book – This book can include stores about family
events, poems and drawings made by various family members.
The activity helps the family to reminisce and eventually to
mourn a more realistic image of the dead person.
h) Directed imagery – Visualizing the dead e.g. in an empty
chair or when closing one’s eyes encourage them to say what
they need to say to the dead.

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ADDICTION COUNSELLING

DEFINITION
ADDICTION
This is dependence on a substance or activity

 Develops from unhealthy choice for dealing with the pain of

living.
 A behavior that is habitual and difficult or seemingly impossible
to control despite the consequences

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  Addiction is characterized by mechanism of denial (addict
blaming someone else for his/her choices).
Drug addiction – biochemical dependence on a substance.

 Non drug addiction(s) include:- compulsive overeating,

gambling, sexual addiction, internet, pornography, gossiping,
promiscuity, shopping, churchianity (unhealthy religiosity),
work holism, cultism, exercises and hobbies. (society tends to
judge these forms of addiction less harshly).

CAUSES OF ADDICTION

Emotional

Most addicts are emotionally wounded, e.g. physical, sexual,

spiritual or emotional abuse.

Relational

i.e. troublesome early life or current relationships

physical

becoming physically dependent on the object of abuse thus

experiencing withdrawal without them.

COGNITIVE AND BEHAVIOURAL

Irrational or illogical thought that make people forget their time

identity as children of God. Unrealistic expectations about
themselves and others are also common

SPIRITUAL

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In itself, addiction is rebellion against God. The object addiction
itself becomes an idol to the addict. They also experience spiritual
apathy.

To be specific:

 Disordered family
 Lack of self esteem
 Peer pressure
 Experimentation (curiosity)
 Cultural influence
 Parental drug abuse
 Lack of moral and spiritual values.

CHARACTER OF ADDICTION

 Unmanageability – Dependence on addiction is out of control

 Neurochemical tolerance. Our bodies are programed to
adapt to what is presented. Therefore, addicts experience
tolerance – their bodies need increasing amounts of
chemical/behavior to procure the same effect.
 Progression – Many addicts begin by simply experimenting –
trying out a drug, going to a casino, taking a puff on a
cigarette. However, because more is needed to achieve an
effect, the addict will increase addictive actions in strength or
frequency.

ROAD TO ADDICTION.

1
2
Experimentation
Occasional use 3
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 4
Regular use

Full blown Addiction

N/B The road back is long & difficult & many Never make it back

 Feeling avoidance – The addiction is used to improve the

addict’s emotional psychological state. It is a way of avoiding
feelings such as loneliness, anxiety, anger and sorrow.
 Consequences:- estrangement from God and family
members, the manifestation of habitual vices, health issues
and social interpersonal problems are all consequences
common to addiction.

TYPES OF DRUGS SUMMARISED

Most of the hard drugs are chemically made to stimulate the user
immediately thus making him/her “high” after catalyzing the brain
cells or the CNS and killing millions of cells.

What begins as exciting turns to be a night mare because of stages

the user undergoes.

First Stage

When one takes drugs for the first time, it stimulates the brain cells
to so great an extend it prevents the body from receiving any other
sensation from the body organs and muscle tissue.

One is cheated to think the energy will make them superhuman or

supernatural.
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Unfortunately, this is only the initial stage of stimulation pending
killing of most of the cells. Some drugs have a very short first stage
e.g. bhang (three weeks)

Second Stage

Transitional stage – The user sees the following symptoms:-

 Lassitude symptoms
 Oversleeping
 Loss of interest in many things e.g. education or hobby
 Neglect of hygiene
 Forgetfulness
 Repudiation of goals
 Loss of memory
 Loss of esteem and withdrawal
 Formation of drug tolerance and addiction
 Hostility towards relatives, close friends and all those
concerned for the taker – though these people also serve as
source of money used buying drugs. The only friends of the
user are the drug pushers or peddlers.
 The take segregates himself to a corner of a classroom or
“cube” at home.
 N/B A keen parent or relative should note the change. This is
the best stage to help the person lead a normal life.

Third Stage

This is called the ABNORMAL STAGE. It is characterized by

depression, stress, anxiety and weakness. The following will be
experienced by the user:-
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  Withdrawals
 Insomnia
 Irritability
 Confusion due to brain damage
 Delirium
 Convulsions
 Childish behavior – Addict may even walk naked or behave
according to private day dreams.
 Finally the brain becomes completely blocked, hallucinations
and other mental disorders will occur.

GENERAL EFFECTS OF DRUGS ON THE TAKER

 Great weakness of character. This opens doors to misuse and

exploitation.
 Breaking of personal principles.
 Preoccupation with the drug.
Withdrawal symptoms are very painful and dreaded. One has
to raise money to buy drugs hence more exploitation, prey to
homosexuals. Children from the rich families are targeted of
the drug circle “mafia”
The circle consists of:-
1. THE DRUG BUSINESSMAN – Supplier of drugs to
traffickers
2. THE TRAFFICKERS – Moves the drugs from one country to
country and supply the peddlers.
3. THE PEDDLER – Peddles the drugs within the country from
town to town, market to market, school to school, factory to
factory and other public gatherings.
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 4. PUSHER – Situated in an institution, e.g. schools, factories,
homes, to push the product to consumer.
5. THE CUSTOMER – This is the consumer, the target, the
money supplier. Also keep the circle going.
 Heart disorders – Heart and blood disorders lead to further
symptoms like sweating, cold sensations, nausea, vomiting,
high blood pressure, stress and other drug related ailments.
 Brain damage – May lead to convulsions, confusion, madness
and one can easily commit suicide.
 Fear traits – This is mainly due to hallucinations, brain
disorders and loss of self esteem.
 Infertility.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS TO NOTE

People close to the drug abuser (significant other) who are

observant will most likely note:

 Eating habits changes depending on the drug – too much

eating or not eating at all.
 Sleeping pattern changes completely from usual.
 Friends of the person and their type – drug users operate three
or over.
 Laziness and lateness.
 Person hiding from the parent – they avoid contact.
 Avoid contact with other siblings – they are the first ones to
know something is wrong with the person using the drugs.
 Money and other things start disappearing from the house,
bringing a lot of tension to the family.

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  Always thirsty – take a lot of fluids.
 There is always a headache or am sick too often.
 One minute the person is excited, the next he is down and
feeling low.
 Dryness of the mouth and skin – notable in hard drug use.
 Rude, irritability if he lacks the drugs.
 Aggressive, fights significant others.
 Academically drops.
 A lot of secrecy of his whereabouts and friends.
 Friends become so important and the person will not listen to
significant others.
 Thin malnourished and appearing older than the actual age.
 Running nose and watery eyes for a volatile substance.
 Falling asleep in class or at work.

`SOIL OF ADDICTIONS

 We have all been abused in some way, some more than others.
The soil of abuse results in various feelings/experiences which
are the roots of all addictions. To heal we need to get out of
the abusive situation and come into a nurturing/caring
community. Ideally this should be the family and the Christian
church.

TIPS ON HOW TO MOTIVATE AN ADDICT TO GO FOR

TREATMENT

i. Do not show any impression that the person is a family

disgrace.
ii. Avoid nagging preaching or lecturing the addict.

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 iii. Avoid taking on a holy-look attitude.
iv. Avoid using words like “if you cared for us” you would stop
drinking.
v. Addiction is compulsive and cannot be controlled by will power.
vi. Avoid using threats unless you have carefully considered them
and mean to carry them through.
vii. You do not hide alcohol from the alcoholic. This pushes the
alcoholic into a state of frustration.
viii. Never let the alcoholic persuade you to drink with him on the
assumption that it will help him drink less.
ix. It is unrealistic for you to expect 100% recovery from
treatment. Every disease has a period of convalescence.
x. It is counterproductive to try to protect the recovering addict
into a relapse. He must learn on himself to stay sober.
xi. Do not do what the addict should be doing for him/herself. It is
destructive for you to try to remove problems before the addict
can face them or suffer the consequences.
xii. Sobriety is not easy. Offer love and understanding to the
addict

xiii. Adopt the RIRS acronym

R – Relationship – love and empathy

I – Information – give the right information

R – Role modeling

S – Skills – active listening, probing etc.

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The wheel of change
The wheel of change is an ideal guideline for further exploration,
counselling and treatment of an addict.

Exit

Pre –contemplation: This is the stage when a person either has

never considered changing or has considered it but is really no
interested.

The pre-contemplator can see plenty of reasons for continuing drug

use or not enough reasons for changing.

Contemplation: Contemplators are aware that there would be

benefits from changing and /or realizing that their current behavior
is harmful. However they are not yet ready to make a decision to
change. At this stage people are weighing up what they would gain
by changing against what they would lose.

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Determination: People in determination are poised to the brink of
change, preparing for change and ready for suggestions on how to
go about it.

Action: This stage is dynamic and may include detoxification finding

alternative ways to meet needs and changing other habits that are
associated with the substance use.

Maintenance: The maintenance stage can be a struggle for years

before the person begins to feel that the substance misuse is no
longer a problem lurking in the wings waiting to make a comeback

Relapse: Most people who change an addictive behavior have a

least one relapse. People commonly relapse several times on the
way to resolving the problem.

Stages of change model

Pre-contemplation

Awareness of need to change

Contemplation
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Increasing the Profs for change
and decreasing the cons
 Maintenance

Integrating change into

lifestyle

Termination Action

Implementing and
revising the plan

Relapse and
Recycling

A cyclical representation of movement through the stages of

change.

PORNOGRAPHY

Most parents and guardians are not aware of the extent of our
young children and the youths’ involvement in pornographic
material due to the fact that most parents are busy with work, trying
to make money to provide for the same children.

What Is Pornography?

 It comes from a Greek word ‘pornographos’, which means

‘writing out’ the trade of harlots.

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  The dictionary defines pornography as “the depiction of erotic
behavior intended to cause sexual excitement”.

Written porn – This is the written pornography whereby one reads

books with written material and gets aroused. The books contains
details of sexual intercourse in a very explicit manner. Others have
pictures of naked men and women in different sexual positions – one
is left to imagine the rest.

A young person’s emotions are not stable. They are usually carried
away easily by issues affecting them because they have not
matured psychologically, emotionally or sexually.

The youth today are being exposed to pornographic material at a

very early stage (9-12) years. They tend to practice what they see
not knowing the effects this will have on their growing minds. Hence
we are breeding a nation of sex crazed youths.

ALURE OF PORNOGRAPHY

Pornography is addictive. Just as in the case of drug addiction, porn

addiction has its own ultimate, and in majority cases the eventual
“high”. This is achieved through ejaculation/orgasm. To reach this
level there has to be masturbation. Masturbation is always followed
by a feeling of shame, disgust and self-loathing! Look at
masturbation as a tonic!

As the addiction increases the addicts desire to view more and more
explicit materials. Since the “tang of evil” is part of the thrill and
since addicts become desensitized to ordinary pleasure, they must
continually push the boundary.

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There is what is known as soft porn which is usually used by married
couples of today’s generation to spice up their marriage.
Unfortunately, porn is based on fantasy. In a real and practical sense
porn is fantasy. Fantasy and pornography are closely related links in
the sexual addiction chain.

Fantasy is never real hence it has managed to actually ruin these

marriages without really the couple associating the porn in it,
because what each partner expects is what they are seeing which is
in many or most cases not possible.

Addiction in porn can occur in adults also. Once in it one is like in a

cell or lost completely because they have to continuously watch
more and more. Time wastage, shame, guilt, isolation affects the
whole person socially, psychologically, physically, sexually and in
essence it changes a person to an addict.

Pornography is an industry based on fantasy, masturbation and use

of erotic sounds and sights. The playboy empire was built from
money paid by men who wanted to masturbate with fantasy
women!!

STRESS AND BURNOUT MANAGEMENT

What is stress?
It is a state or condition of strain and especially of intense strain.
Stress is the mobilization of the body's defenses that allow human

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beings to adapt to hostile or threatening events. Stress is also a
state manifested by a specific syndrome of biological events that
can be both pleasant and unpleasant. Stress is dangerous when
unduly prolonged, comes too often or concentrates on one
particular organ of the body
Types of stress
Distress
It is the negative feature. People normally associate stress with
anxiety, tension, strain, pain and frustration. It comes from
pressure situations, uptight feelings and unpleasant encounters,
personal and professional demands. It means people feel anxious
because of mental or emotional strain or physical threat
Eustress
It is a stress that wakes us up and gets us going - we need
positive stress (eustress) to get us into high gear. This is an
exciting challenge that gets people going
Neutral
It evokes negative feelings at first, but if properly handled, can
turn into positive experiences e.g. conflict reminds us about
unpleasant encounters with people. But such encounters can
result in positive experiences of clearing the air, creativity and
innovation. Excessive change can also lead to aggravation,
bewilderment and frustration
Signs of Stress
Various signs signal the onset of stress. Depending on the
characteristic of the people and the nature of the stressful
situations a variety of psychological, behavioral and physiological
signs occur.

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Symptoms of Stress
• Psychological symptoms
• Preoccupation
• Worry of apprehension
• Feelings of failure
• Feelings of anxiety
• Irritability
• Tenseness
• Tendency to lose temper
• Sadness
• Concern over health
• Agitation
• Low self esteem
• Feelings of rejection
• Depression
Behavioral symptoms
• Indecision or inability to make decisions
• Interpersonal difficulties
• Inability to think clearly
• Inability to cope with
• Poor concentration
• Criticism
• Frantic pace
• Tendency to be extremely critical of others
• Impulsive behavior
• Overeating
• Inability to cope with problems and frustration

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 • Absenteeism
• Frequent in availability
Physiological symptoms
• Muscle tension or spasms
• Skin rashes
• Hypertension
• Dizziness or blurred vision
• Coronary heart disease
• Excessive tiredness
• Ulcers
• Chronic back pain
Personality and Stress
Doctors have come to recognize personal factors that greatly
increase and individual's susceptibility to stress related illnesses.
Some people are more prone than others to stress. Such people
have several personality factors in common, cardiologists, Meyer
Friedman and Ray Rosenman speak of personality type A- That is
more prone to stress related illnesses e.g. heart disease, than
type B personality
Type A personality
• Extremely competitive
• Impatient
• Move, talk and eat rapidly (are always in hurry)
• Feel strongly about success and social acceptance
• Speak rapidly
• Try to do many things at the same time
• Feel guilty when they relax

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 • Set unrealistic goals for themselves
• Experience a chronic sense of urgency
• Work on one goal at a time
• Relax without guilt
• Do not worry much
Causes of Stress
There are two basic sources of stress - internal and external
External - aggravated by circumstances such as our environment,
job, family, or studies
Internal- induced by our manner of solving problems, our personality
and level of self-control
Examples of External Sources of Stress
a) Traumatic experiences - earthquakes, floods, wars, attempted
murders, rape etc. survivors of such events pass through a period
of stress that is in stages
Stage 1 - lack of answers phase a person is removed and absent
minded Stage II - Inability to initiate task
Stage III - A time of anxiety and apprehension - a person is guilty
for surviving a tragedy others have died
b) Stress Events
• Intense events that destabilize us
• Day to day frustrations
• Physical and social environment - a clean and neat
environment where there is plenty of space, noise is low,
where temperature is light produces minimal stress
• Noise - Noise has an ability to accumulate and cause tiredness,
irritability, insomnia, headaches and muscle tensions
• Living space

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 • Personal space
• Life's transitions
Examples of External Sources of Stress

• Avoidance - of conflicts - when there are two negative situations,

one tries to avoid both although choices have to be made
• Approach - approach conflicts-when there are competing
preferences. It is difficult to choose
• Inability to problem solve and prioritize
• Lack of self-awareness - not articulate about needs, weaknesses
and strengths
• Emotional immaturity
• Inability to relate
Coping and Managing Stress
• Deep breathing relaxation techniques
• Mental relaxation place technique
People need to develop skills of coping with stress
• Physical and mental health
• Fundamental personal health habits includes:
• Providing for relaxation
• Getting enough physical exercise
• Eating sensibly
• Getting adequate sleep
• When people do physical exercise they:
 Feel better
 Sleep more soundly
 Cope with better life
 Reduce anxiety

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  Develop self confidence in handling stress
 Feel a sense of accomplishment
A Good Laugh
Researchers now believe that laughing
• Relieves tension
• Provides a healthy emotional outlet
• Diminishes boredom
• Makes life more enjoyable
Humor
• Breaks tension
• Lifts mood
• Mends relationships
• Relieves pain

Making fun of life's problems helps to tolerate problems for longer

periods. Finding humor in a bad situation helps them to claim
their emotions. They do not avoid responsibility but they are
realistic. A sense of humor also helps to see crisis as both
challenge and opportunity. It is a potential opportunity to work to
their advantage

Develop a positive outlook - looking at the situation positively

helps
• Organize your time and your life
• Setting goals gives life direction and keeps people from
drifting. They have feelings of accomplishment when they
achieve their goals. They feel on top of things and not
swayed by life's uncertainties

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 • Look realistically at yourself, your capabilities and limitations
and goals
• Learn to live day by day plan for future but appreciate life
right now
• Concentrate on a task when you are doing it
STAGES OF WORK RELATED STRESS
 There are 5 stages of the work related stress. Any time one
embarks on a new job or activity (e.g. peer counselling) he/she is
likely to go through the following stress stages, these are:
– The honeymoon stage
– The full throttle stage
– The chronic symptom stage
– The crisis stage
– Hitting the wall/burn.
1. Honeymoon Stage
 It is characterized by Euphoria, excitement, enthusiasm,
challenge, motivation and pride to a new job/position.
 There are dysfunctional processes that deplete the energy
reserves in coping and adapting to new environment. e.g.
resistance from peers
2. Full Throttle Stage
 Feelings of loss, fatigue and confusion arise because of rapid
depletion of energy reserves. One may regret taking up the
responsibility.
3. Chronic Stage
 Fuel/energy shortage leads to more pronounced physiological
symptoms. It is characterized by chronic exhaustion, physical

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 illness, anger and depression (which may overpower the person).
For a peer counsellor one may become impatient with the peers.
4. Crisis Stage
 The person enters into a crisis. It is characterized by escapist
attitude, chronic backache, feeling oppressed, headaches, high
blood pressure, peptic ulcers and insomnia. For a peer counsellor,
if stress is not managed well, one may wish to quit.
5. Hitting the Wall
 No person can continue under strain for too long because energy
resources are not infinite. This results in burn out stress
syndrome.
– Burn out: It is a state of depleted energy reserves,
characterized by pessimism, dissatisfaction, inefficiency,
disinterest, lowered immunity and inability to function.
– Burn out is not a symptom of work stress but an end of
unmanaged stress and a complete depletion of energy
reserves.
BURNOUT MANAGEMENT

What is burnout?

Definitions include:

 Physical, emotional & attitudinal exhaustion

 Goes beyond fatigue…hallmark is the distancing that goes on in

response to the overload

 Happens when people feel out of control or feel a lack of

recognition and reward

 One of the biggest contributing factors is a mismatch of values

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  A consequence of a perceived disparity between the demands of
the job and the resources available to him or her—both material
and emotional resources

General Symptoms of Burnout

 Feeling overwhelmed

 Tired all the time

 Anger, resentment

 Cynical

 Unmotivated

 Relationship problems

 Anxiety, Depression

 Feeling hopeless

 Physical symptoms include: headache, weight change, sleep

disturbance

Symptoms Burnout

 Bored with job

 No longer attends workshops on new ideas

 Wants everything to be perfect but is very harsh on themselves

when they make mistakes.

 Constantly feel you should be doing more

 Withdrawn-feel more comfortable doing paperwork than

interacting with clients
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  Can’t remember why you went into this.

 Take your frustration home with you and can’t get away from it

 Count the days until your next vacation

Don’t take good care of yourself

Causes of counsellor’s Burnout

 Excessive work load

 Lack of administrative and peer support

 Inadequate rewards

 Difficulty in progress

 Lack of support from family and friends

 Conflict in perceptions

 Unwillingness to seek guidance from others

 Unclear guidelines

 Lack of self-management skills

e.g.

- Stress management skills

- Decision making skills

- Time management skills

- Self-assessment, monitoring and control.

- Fear for personal safety

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 - Frequent changes in rules and regulations

- Lack of paper work time

i.e. behind in paperwork

What You Can Do About Burnout

 Share information, talk to your colleagues, network

 Learn to say “no”

 Learn modern technology

 Identify your main goals

 Do relaxation activities

 Organize time and set priorities

 Maintain a good diet

 Exercise

 Leave your work at work

 Pursue a project or hobby

 Don’t procrastinate on paperwork

 Don’t feel that you must do everything

 Keep a “things to do” list

 Recognize and accept your own limitations

 Learn to tolerate and forgive

 Get moving, take action!

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 - Address them accordingly.

CHARACTERISTICS OF A SELF ACTUALIZED PERSON.

What are the characteristics of a well-adjusted person?

1. Self-acceptance.
2. Freedom from unreasonable fear and compulsions.
3. Deriving satisfaction from ones job.
4. Living in harmony with one’s family, neighbors and colleagues.
5. Being kind and helpful to others.
6. Being reliable and dependable.
7. Being honest with God, oneself and other.
8. Being faithful to one’s conscience and religious duties.
9. Capacity to play and have fun.
10. Taking reasonable care of one’s health.
11. Reasonably meeting one’s basic needs.
12. Being interested in the welfare of others.
13. Assuming social responsibilities.
14. Being able to give and receive love.
15. Being able to make decision and make face the
consequences.
When a person is fully adjusted he/she attempts to actualize
themselves – they live in a way they belief is best for their growth.

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Abraham Maslow (1954) compiled a list of trails that are
characteristic of self – actualized people.

1. More efficient perception of reality.

2. Acceptance of self and others.
3. Spontaneity.
4. Problem centering.
5. Detachment.
6. Autonomy.
7. Continued freshness of appreciation.
8. Mystical experiences or the oceanic feeling.
9. Social interest.
10. Interpersonal relationships.
11. Discrimination between means and ends.
12. Sense of humor.
13. Creativeness.
14. Resistance to enculturation.
15. Democratic character structure.
 Qualities of a well-adjusted person
Maslow Hierarchy of Needs.

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 5. Self-actualization

Potential for self

Development e.g.
career

4. Esteem Status, respect, recognition, self

3. Social Associations, acceptance, clubs, teamwork

2. Safety Protection against danger

1. Psychological Hunger, thirst

needs

MASLOW HIERACHY OF NEEDS

Physiological
• Biological needs are unlearned e.g. hunger, thirst, sleep and
sex.
Safety/Security
• Include emotional and physical needs.
• Relate to the desire for a peaceful smoothly ran and stable
environment.
• At work people need assurance that their security needs will be
met – now and in the future. Safety needs are easily satisfied
at work and rarely dominate.

Love & Belonging

 These are needs of affiliation, affection or social needs. i.e.
relationship with others and social status within a group.

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  Love needs are mainly met at work since most employees
spend most of the waking hours at work.

Esteem Needs
 These are needs of power, achievement competence and
recognition and status. Individuals want to feel that they are
worthy and others also recognize this.
 Acceptance of self-boosts self-esteem. Acknowledgement of
weaknesses and strengths.

Self-Actualization
 One becomes what one is capable of becoming. What one can
be must be. Actualization is being what one want to be.
 To achieve ones goals and the fulfillment that comes with it.
 It can be the satisfaction that workers get by being in the right
career, accomplishing their tasks etc.
 According to Maslow, the needs are arranged in a ladder like
that must be climbed one after the other. A need that has been
satisfied no longer becomes motivating. However, if the
satisfaction of a lower need is threatened, the need will again
become prepotent and the effort to satisfy all higher order
needs will be reduced.
 Where am I from self-actualization
 How people sabotage their road to self-actualization
 Adolescents
 Peer pressure:- i) Causes
ii) Effects
iii) Prevention.

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ETHICS IN COUNSELING
Ethics practice is an important component in helping. It entails a
deeper focus on some ethical dilemmas. Helping is about helping
others in need to achieve psychological and mental wellness or
health. 2 Tim 1:7 God has given us ...a spirit of sound mind Proverbs
3:21 exhort us to keep sound wisdom and discretion. The helper
works for the welfare of the client and is careful about bringing
injuries to the client
It is imperative to face questions to which there are no obvious
answers. You will have to struggle with yourself to decide how to
work in ways that will further the best interest of your clients
Ethics therefore involves making decisions of a moral nature about
people and their interactions in society. Ethics is a philosophical
discipline that is concerned with human conduct and moral decision

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Principles of Ethics
Beneficence
Whatever we do to the client; it should be for the good or benefit of
the client. Therefore, in dilemmas, it can help us to decide not to
use a technique if it is not for the benefit of the client
Non-malefiance
Avoiding harming the client
Justice
It is being fair to all clients. Are you treating everybody equally? For
example: rich, poor, women, men and children. Services should be
provided equally

Fidelity
It is ability to keep the promises made. It would include being
punctual and keeping confidentiality
Autonomy
It entails giving the client space to be who they are. Do not impose
your values on the client. To be able to allow others to be
autonomous entails self-understanding. It is about allowing them to
be their unique selves and respecting their decisions. God does not
want people to be photocopies but to glorify Him in their
uniqueness. Isaiah 43: 7 says....even everyone who is called by my
name, I have created him for my glory. I have formed him, yea, I
have made him
Confidentiality

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It is both and ethical and legal issue. Keeping information from
clients' confidential builds and environment of safety for the client.
The client therefore can tell his or her story without fear or
intimidation, being judged or even damaged. The client is able to
work through his problem situation through exploration of the
problem
Situations that warrant disclosure
• If the client poses a threat to himself, is the client in
imminent danger?
• If the client is a threat to another or others in the
community?
• If the counselor is undergoing supervision
• When working with minors
• When working with HIV/AIDS clients
If working in organizations which gesture their counselors to divulge
some information, before any information is given out it is important
to discuss the breach of confidentiality with the client. The ensuing
discussion helps to determine who and what information should be
given out
Values and Counseling
Counselors need to be aware of their values and how they influence
their work. When counselors disclose their values, they should
clearly label them as their own. Counseling is not a forum of
indoctrination. The counselors work is not to teach the client on the
right way to live. It is not about helping people to conform to socially
acceptable standards or to "straighten out" their clients
Ways of minimizing / improving values on clients

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The helper needs to be aware of own values Presenting value
options in an unbiased manner Being committed to the freedom of
choice of your clients Respecting clients who have different values
from your own Consulting with others where necessary Referrals
where necessary
Value conflicts: to refer or not to refer
It is advisable to refer when any of the following exists:
• The therapist's boundaries of competence are reached
• When therapist has a complete discomfort with the clients
values
• A therapist is unable to maintain objectivity
• Therapist has grave concerns about imposing values on
clients
To know whether we are valuable to our clients; we must be clear
about:
• Our feelings concerning value based issues
• Must be clear about limitations
• Be honest with clients. That is value conflicts would interfere
with therapy
Dual relationships
It involves blending of a counselor relationship with another kind of
a relationship. For example:
• You are a counselor and a teacher simultaneously
• You are a counselor and a sister simultaneously
It is viewed as a violation of ethical, legal and clinical standards. The
therapists should be honest and self-searching in determining the

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impact of their behavior on clients. Counselors may be placing their
personal needs above the needs of their clients
Dual relationships impair the therapist's judgment. For
example:

a) There may be conflicts of exploiting a clients because as a

counselor you are more powerful than the client
b) Boundaries become blurred and distort the professional nature
of the therapeutic relationship
Justifications for engaging in dual relationships
• Blocking out awareness the potential for harm
• Focusing on beneficial aspects of that relationship
• Asserting that such practices are widely prevalent
• Justifying they are unavoidable and inevitable
• That they reflect tradition
• Respecting the rights of clients to enter a relationship of their
choice

Some therapists believe that some dual relationships cannot be

avoided and that they are helpful. However, decision to enter into
such a relationship should respect a client's needs. Dual
relationships range from those that are potentially seriously harmful
to those that have little potential for harm. Practitioners have a
responsibility to evaluate risk and act responsibly
Measures for ensuring minimal risk in dual relationships
• Securing informed consent from clients and discussing with
them both the potential risks and benefits of dual relationships

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 • Remaining willing to talk with clients about any unforeseen
problems and conflicts that may arise
• Consulting with other professionals as a means of resolving
any dilemmas
• Seeking supervision when dual relationships become
particularly problematic or when the risk for harm is very high
• Examining own motivations continuously through documenting
sessions
Examples of Dual relationships with potential for harm
• Bartering professional services
• Social relationships with clients
• Sexual attractions in client - therapist relationship

Record keeping
From a legal, ethical and clinical perspective, it is an important
responsibility for mental health practitioners to keep adequate
records on client work. It is a requirement of well-managed care
programs. Maintaining thorough clinical notes has a dual purpose

• To provide the best possible service to clients. These are

process and progress records. They ensure services given are
in line with standard care
• To provide a basis for safe guarding practitioners in the event
of a lawsuit by documenting the decisions and actions that
they have taken. Not keeping records may deprive
practitioners evidence needed should they become involved in
a malpractice or disciplinary action
• To fulfill requirements for reimbursement

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 Therapists find it demanding to keep client records. It is argued that
it is good policy to document clinical practice for protection of
clients, self, others and physical property. It is a basic part of the
counselors practice. However, records should not be kept at the
expense of providing quality service to clients. Keeping records is
not insurance for not being sued. Every organization should agree
on a standard way of keeping records. Keeping the records safe
should protect client's privacy and confidences
Argument for keeping records
• It has become a standard of care set by most professional
organizations
• They serve as a counselors defense against malpractice claims
or in event of being charged with an ethical violation
• They provide the progress and process issues for the client
• They are important in case of a referral
• Help counselors improve their competence
• Different organizations may require you to write inadequate
records
Caution
• Case notes should not be tampered with after they are entered
in a client’s record. This may cast a shadow on the therapists
integrity
• Enter the case notes immediately after a session
• This information belongs to the client and he/she can have
access

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 • Case notes should be written in a manner that is not
demeaning and judgmental to the client (it is not a documents
for personal opinions and reactions)
• Clinical notes should be very precise including: interventions,
client response to treatment strategies, evolving treatment
and planned follow-up
Record keeping and confidentiality
Mental health practitioners have the ultimate responsibility to
determine what they write, how they store and access records.
Counselors are ethically and legally required to keep records in a
secure manner to protect confidentiality. In some federal states,
practitioners have an obligation to keep records for a minimum of 7
years following termination with a client. Organizational policies
prescribe guidelines for maintaining records including a period. It is
important to think about what would happen to records after a
therapist's death
Case of Janet
Janet, a client comes to your private practice center. You are very busy
psychotherapist and you have not been keeping records. Nevertheless,
you do not think they are important. Janet would want to view her
progress records. What are the ethical and legal challenges that would
confront you as a practitioner?

Appendix 1.

PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT EXCERCISES

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This appendix contains exercises that will be used in training for the
youth counselors. They are personal development exercises (PDs)
that will enable deeper self-disclosure and awareness.

 CLIMATE SETTING PDs

Introductory Session

In the introductory session it is important that everybody gets to

know everybody else's name. This can be done in a variety of ways.
Firstly, allowing everybody to introduce themselves and giving them
the opportunity to say something about their name. It gives people
the opportunity, to talk about something that they find relatively
easy to discuss.

In relaxing the atmosphere a game is sometimes appropriate. The

Pen game is sometimes used.
With everybody sitting in a circle you as leader take a pen and say
"I'm ......--and I am giving this pen to ..........."

The next person takes the pen and says “I'm ......, and
I got this pen from.........., who got it from....., and I'm
Giving it to.............

Back to the leader who has to be able to say all the names.

i) Debrief the exercise

ii) Lessons learnt

 NEEDS EXERCISE

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Ask the participants to share the need that they have which they
want addressed by the course.

N.B. this is the beginning of self-disclosure.

i) Debrief

ii) Lessons learnt.

 THE FAMILY SHIELD

Shields were used in medieval times to show which family you

belonged to. Family shields showed who you were related to,
together with important events. Shields can say a lot about us and it
is interesting to design our own shield.

Draw or depict the following things on your shield.

 Your greatest achievement.
 Your greatest fear.
 Your greatest ambition.
 The most important person in your life.
At the bottom write a motto for the family.

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Present your shield to the group and explain why you have chosen
each event.
i) Debrief
ii) Lessons learnt.
 EARLY CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES
The participants share with the class an incident (positive or
negative) which happened early in their lives and has impact up
to date.
i) Debrief
ii) Lessons learnt.
 EMBARRASSING MOMENT
i) Debrief
ii) Lessons learnt.
MY SELF CONCEPT
What is self concept?
- The way in which an individual thinks about him/herself.
- A person’s perception of him/herself.
Self concept has four core elements
Draw the four parts of your self-concept
Share with the class.

Body image Self-image

Self-esteem Ideal self

Self Image

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 - This is the way in which an individual sees him/herself
- Statements one makes about the self (self-description) e.g. a
confident student, a focused boy.

Body Image

- This is the way a person thinks he/she looks like physically e.g.
I am fat, dark in complexion etc.

Self- Esteem

- It is the value a person puts on himself. All those attributes

that either add or subtract self-worth e.g. I am a good poet the
+ve, I am a very poor orator –ve

Ideal- self

- This is the way a person would most like to be – dreams,

aspirations, visions that determine your mission and mission
plan. Personal goals- simply what makes you futuristic.

N/B. The four elements of self-concept makes a person

unique and singular.

If the four of the parts are interacting harmoniously, one is said to

be well adjusted, happy and fulfilled. If they are not, - insecure,
uncertain, and lack of self-direction.

SELF CONCEPT & COUNSELLING

In counselling, self-concept of a client is very important. What the

client think of him/her will determine his behavior.

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 - The real goal of counselling intervention is to help the
individual have a more realistic view of his strengths and
weakness.
- To help him/her fully understand himself, his weakness,
inabilities limitations and his strengths and to accept himself
as he is ( and not as he would like to be)
N/B: Knowing oneself without fully accepting oneself can have
negative effect irrespective of the type of problems. Effective
counselling is gauged by the extent to which the client is assisted,

a) To become aware of the totality of his experience

b) To accept his experience
c) To use his/her self-acceptance in acceptance of others
- The self is the major source of the problems the client brings
for a session. If one’s body image is perceived negatively, it
will affect other aspects of self. One should be advised to
enhance body image and accept what cannot be changed.
- People feel like image is everything .They should be helped to
differentiate their physical self and real self.
- Self-esteem (worth or value) is like a price tag. If it is too low
the world will look down upon you because what you think
about yourself is what you vibrate and what you vibrate is what
the world vibrates back to you.
- Students who have low self-esteem bash others, they are
defensive, rebellious, attention seekers, engage others in
power struggles, withdraw and are vengeful among others.
- Low self-esteemed students therefore should be helped
through counselling to change it to the positive.

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 - Ideal self-dreams and aspirations give one the desire and the
energy to move on. Without goals one doesn’t have focus in
life and can drift to forces of circumstances.
- Self-image – human beings are driven by the statements that
one make about self. Whatever one believes in a one should
sleep it, walk it, talk it, and demonstrate it without an apology.

JOHARI’S WINDOW

- Your ability to disclose yourself to others depends on your self-

awareness and self-acceptance. The Johari’s window illustrates
that there are certain things you know about yourself and
certain things you do not know about yourself. Correspondingly
there and certain things that others know about you and some
things they do not know.

Known to Self Unknown to

Self

Known to Free to Self Blind to Self

Others And Others Seen by Others

Unknown to Free to Self Unknown Self

Others Hidden from Unknown to
others Others
- Building a relationship with another person, a relationship in
which each of you helps the other to grow, involves working to
enlarge the free area whilst decreasing the blind and hidden
area.

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 - At the beginning of a relationship.

After the development of a close relationship

- It is not implied that a person should be completely or

indiscriminately open. There are things about each of us that
are not relevant to the relationship. As those things that are
relevant are shared a trust develops that allows us to explore
new aspects in our unknown self.
- How does it compare with the model of the self-concept?

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  VALUES EXERCISE (Survey Exercise 1)

THE SHIPWRECK

THIS EXERCISE SHOULD BE DONE IN A GROUP SITUATION AND IT ILLUSTRATES THE

RANGE OF DIFFERENT VALUES THAT A GROUP OF PEOPLE CAN HOLD.

FOUR PEOPLE ARE TRAVELLING IN A YACHT. THEY ARE ALAN, BILL, COLIN AND
DORIS. THEY ARE ALL FRIENDS AND ALAN AND DORIS ARE ENGAGED TO BE
MARRIED. THEY GET CAUGHT UP IN A STORM AND THE YACHT CAPSIZES. THEY
GET SWEPT BY THE SEA TO TWO SMALL ISLANDS. ALAN AND BILL LAND ON ONE
AND COLIN AND DORIS ON THE OTHER. WHEN THE STORM SUBSIDES THEY
DISCOVER THAT THE SEA IS SHARK INFESTED. COLIN AND DORIS SOON FIND
THAT THEIR ISLAND IS INHABITED BY ERIC WHO OWNS A SMALL BOAT.
DORIS ASKS ERIC TO TAKE HER TO THE OTHER ISLAND AND HER FIANCEE ALAN.
ERIC SAYS THAT HE WILL TAKE HER ONLY IF SHE SLEEPS WITH HIM FIRST. DORIS
DOES NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO. COLIN SAYS TO HER "If I WERE ALAN I WOULD
UNDERSTAND IF YOU SLEPT WITH ERIC TO GET TO ME." EVENTUALLY AFTER MUCH
HEART SEARCHING DORIS SLEEPS WITH ERIC THEN HE TAKES HER ACROSS TO
ALAN.
DORIS CANNOT KEEP HER SECRET SO TELLS ALAN WHAT SHE DID. HE
IMMEDIATELY THROWS HER TO ONE SIDE, TELLING HER HE DOES NOT KNOW HOW

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SO COULD DO SUCH A THING AND SHE HAS DESTROYED EVERYTHING THEY HAD.

DORIS IS HEARTBROKEN.
WHILST DORIS IS WALKING ALONG THE BEACH, BILL COMES ALONG AND SAYS, "I
SAW WHAT HAPPENED AND THINK IT’S AWFUL. I AM NOT PUSHING MYSELF ONTO
YOU BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IF YOU WANT ME I AM AVAILABLE.
PUT THOSE PEOPLE, INCLUDING ERIC,-.INTO ORDER OF 1 TO 5 ON THE BASIS
OF WHICH you LIKED MOST THROUGH TO WHICH YOU LIKE LEAST.
Discuss the differences you find within the group.
 VALUES EXERCISE (Survey Exercise 2)

Here are a number of events that might, or might not, happen to

you in your life. Please list them in order of impact. Put 1 against
the event you would least like to happen to you. Put 2 against the
second event you would least like to happen to you.

Think carefully and go through the list giving each event a

different number. Number 1 to 10.

You have been made redundant _____

You have been told you are HIV+ _____
Your spouse has died _____
You become sexually impotent ______
you are told you have terminal cancer _____
you are getting divorced _____
Your family find out you are HIV+ _____
You are detained in jail _____
You maritally separate from your spouse _____
Major change in health of your family _____

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FIRST IMPRESSIONS

THINK OF SOMEBODY IN YOUR CLASS WHO YOU IMMEDIATELY FORMED AN

IMPRESSION ABOUT AND THAT YOU SUBSEQUENTLY HAD TO CHANGE.

1) WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION?

2) WHY DID YOU FORM THAT -IMPRESSION?
3) WHAT LED YOU TO CHANGE YOUR OPINION?

4) DID YOUR BEHAVIOR TOWARDS THAT PERSON CHANGE BECAUSE OF IT?

5) HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CHANGE?

i) Debrief

ii) Lessons learnt.

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Appendix 2.
THE CASE STUDY OF KUNG’U

The setting is a community counselling agency where both

individual and group counselling by qualified staff is available.
Kung’u is coming to counselling because of a court order as a
stipulation of his probation supervision.

He was charged for driving under the influence of alcohol. Although

he does not think he has a serious drinking problem, the judge
determined that he needed professional help. Kung’u drives for an
intake interview and provides the counselor with this information.

At 25 years old I am working as a construction worker. I like

building houses, but I am pretty sure I don’t want to stay in
construction for the rest of my life. When it comes to my personal
life, I have always had a rough time getting along with people. I
suppose you could call me a “loner”. I like having people in my life,
but I just don’t seem to know how to go about making friends or
getting close to people. Probably the reason I sometimes drink a bit
too much is because I am so scared when it comes to mixing with
people. Even though I hate to admit it, when I have been drinking,
things don’t seem quite so overwhelming, when I look at others,
they seem to know the right things to say. Next to them I feel
dumb. I am afraid that people will be bored with me and that if they
really knew me, they wouldn’t want anything to do with me. Sure,
I’d like to turn my life around, and I am trying, but sometimes I just
don’t know where to begin. That’s why I went back to school.
Besides my work in construction, I am also a part time student

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majoring in psychology. I want to better myself. In one of my
classes, psychology of personal adjustment, we talked about
ourselves and how we wanted to change, and we also had to write
an autobiographical paper. Should I bring it in?

This is the essence of Kung’u’s introduction. He then brings his

autobiography to the counselor. He hopes it will give the counselor
a better understanding of where he has been, where he is now,
where he would like to go and what he wants about himself.

Questions

1. As a counselor how can you deal with Kung’u’s case using?

a) Psychoanalytic counselling approach
b) Behavioural counselling approach
c) Humanistic counselling approach
d) Eclectic counselling approach

To help you in this exercise, you might imagine yourself to be like

Kung’u in psychological counselling.

Some of the questions that you might find helpful (if you need
guidance) are:

1) What themes in Kung’u’s life merit special attention in

counselling?
2) What concept explain the nature of his problems?
3) What are your general goals for his counselling/
4) What possible techniques and methods would best meet these
goals?

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 5) What are some of the characteristics of the relationship
between Kung’u and the counsellor?
6) How might the counselor proceed?

KUNGU’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY

Where am I currently in my life? At 25, I feel that I have wasted most

of my life. By now I should be finished with college and into a good
job, but instead I’m only a junior. I cannot afford to really commit
myself to pursuing college full time, because I need to work to
support myself. Even though construction work is hard, I like the
satisfaction I get by looking at what I helped build.

Although I would like to build things as hobby. I want to get into

some profession where I could work with people, if I could ever get
over my fears of what people thought of me. Someday, I am hoping
to get a master’s degree in counselling or social work and eventually
work as a counselor with kids who are in trouble. I feel I was helped
by someone who cared about me, and I would like to have a similar
influence on young people.

At this time I live alone, have very few friends, and feel scared with
people my own age or older. I feel good when I am with kids,
because they are so honest. But I worry a lot whether I am smart
enough to get through all the studies I will need to do before I can
become a counsellor.

One of my problems is that I drink heavily and frequently get drunk.

This happens mostly when I feel alone and scared that I’ll always
feel as lonely and isolated as I do now. At first drinking makes me
feel better, but later on I really feel rotten. I used to do drugs

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heavily and once in a while I still get loaded. People really scare me,
and I feel overwhelmed when I am around strong and attractive
women. I feel old, sweaty, and terribly upright when I am with a
woman. Maybe I think they are judging me, and I know they will find
out that I am not much of a man. I am afraid I will not measure up
to being a man always having to be strong, tough, and perfect. I am
not any of those, so I often wonder if I am adequate as a man. I
really have trouble seeing myself as sexually adequate. When I do
have sex, I get upright and worry that I will not be able to perform,
and then I really feel terrible.

I feel terrible anxiety much of the time, particularly at night.

Sometimes I get so scared that I feel like running, but I just cannot
move. It is awful, because I often feel as if I am dying at times like
this. And I fantasize about committing suicide and wonder who
would care. Sometimes I see my family coming to my funeral
feeling very sorry that they did not treat me better. I even made a
weak attempt to do myself in a couple of years ago. Much of the
time I feel guilty that I have not worked up to my potential, that I
have been a failure, that I let people down a lot. I can really get
down on myself and wallow on my guilt, and I feel very depressed.
At times like this I think about how rotten I am, how I will never be
able to change, and how I will never be able to change, and how I
would not want anything either. It is very difficult for me to get
close to anyone. I cannot say that I have ever loved a person, and I
know that I have never felt fully loved or wanted.

Everything is not bleak, because I did have enough guts to leave a

lot of may shady past behind me and I did get into college. I like

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determination I want to change. I am tired of feeling like a loser,
and I know that nobody is going to change my life for me. It is up to
me to get what I want. Even though I feel scared a lot, I like it that I
can feel my feelings and that I am willing to take risks. I hate being
a quitter.

What was my past like? What are some significant events and
turning points in my life? A major turning point was the confidence
my supervisors had in me at the youth camp where I worked the
past few summers. He helped me get my job, and he also
encouraged me to go to college. He said he saw a lot of potential in
me for being able to work well with young people. That was hard for
me to really believe, bit his faith inspired me to begin to believe in
myself. Another turning point was my marriage and divorce. This
“relationship” did not last long before my life left me. Wow, that
really made me wonder about what kind of man I was! She was a
strong and dominant woman who was telling me how worthless I
was and how she could not stand to get near me. We met in a
gambling casino in Las Vegas, and we tied the knot shortly after
that.

We had set only a few times, and most of the time I was impotent.
That was hard to take – a real downer! I am so afraid to get close to
a woman. I am afraid she will swallow me up. My parents never got
a divorce, but I wish they had. They fought most of the time. I
should say, my mother did most of the fighting. She was dominant
and continually bitching at my father whom I always saw as weak,
passive, and mousy next to her. He would never stand up to her.
There were four of us kids at home. My folks always compared me

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unfavorably to my older sister (Judy) and older brother (Frank).
They were “perfect’ children, successful honor students. My
younger brother (Karl) and I fought a lot, and he was the one who
was spoiled rotten by them. I really do not know what happened to
me and how I turned out to be failure of the bunch.

In high school I got involved with the wrong crowd and took a lot of
drugs. I was thrown into a youth rehabilitation facility for stealing.
Later I was expelled from regular school in the mornings and have
afternoons for on the job training. I got into auto mechanics and
was fairly successful and even managed to keep myself employed
for three years as a mechanic.

Back to my parents. I remember my father telling me: “You’re really

dumb. Why can’t you be like your sister and brother? You’ll never
amount to a hill of beans! Why can’t you ever do anything right?
And my mother treated me much the way she treated my father.
She would say: “why do you do so many things to hurt me? Why
can’t you grow up and be a man? You were a mistake. I wish I
didn’t have you! Things are so much better around here when you
are gone” I recall crying myself to sleep many nights, feeling so
terribly alone and filled with anger and hate. And feeling so
disguised with myself. There was not talk of religion in my house,
nor was there any talk about sex. In fact, I always find it hard to
imagine my folks ever having sex.

Where would I like to be five years from now? What kind of person
do I want to become, and what changes do I most want in my life?
Most of all, I would like to start feeling better about myself. I would

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really like to be able to stop drinking altogether and still feel good. I
have an inferioty complex and I know how to put myself down. I
want to like myself much more than I do know. I hope I can learn to
love at least a few other people, and most of all women. I want to
lose fear that women can destroy me. I would like to feel equal with
others and not always have to feel apologetic for my existence. I do
not want to suffer anxiety and guilt. And I hope that I can begin to
think myself as an OK person. I really want to become a good
counsellor with kids, and to do even what all the changes are I hope
for. I do know that have to get free of myself destructive tendencies
and learn to trust people more. Maybe when I begin to like myself
more, I will be able to trust that others might find something about
me that is worth liking.

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