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AROUND THE
WORLD IN
EIGHTY DAYS

Book & Lyrics by

Chris Blackwood

Music by
Piers Chater Robinson
Based on the novel by Jules Verne

International Theatre & Music Ltd

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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Copyright © 2013 by Chris Blackwood

First edition published in 2013 by

International Theatre &

Music Ltd The Glasshouse
177-187 Arthur
Road London
SW19 8AE
United Kingdom

Tel: 020 3405 2402

[Link]

This musical is fully protected under the Copyright Laws of the British Commonwealth
of Nations, the United States of America and all countries of the Berne and Universal
Copyright Conventions.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or

transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the
publisher.

The publication of this musical does not imply that it is necessarily available for
performance by amateurs or professionals, either in the British Isles or Overseas.
Amateurs and professionals considering a production are strongly advised in their own
interests to apply to International Theatre & Music Ltd for consent before starting
rehearsals or booking a theatre or hall.

Licences for amateur performances are issued subject to the understanding that it shall
be made clear in all advertising matter that the audience will witness an amateur
performance; that the names of the authors shall be included on all programmes; and
that the integrity of the authors’ work will be preserved.

[Link]

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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Around the World in Eighty

Days
Based on Around the World in Eighty Days by
Jules Verne

Book and Lyrics by Chris

Blackwood Music by Piers
Chater Robinson

Cast
Phileas
Fogg
Passeparto
ut
Inspector
Fix
Aouda
Members of The Reform Club
Gauthier Ralph (Rafe), Director of The Bank of
England / Brigadier General Sir Francis Cromarty
Andrew Stuart, an engineer / John Bunsby /
Captain Speedy Thomas Flanagan, a brewer /
Judge Obadiah / Elder Hitch John Sullivan, a
banker / Mr Oysterpuf / Mudge
Samuel Fallentin, a banker / Colonel Stamp W.
Proctor Mr Carstairs
Forster
Dolly, a
maid
Thomas, a
butler Consul
Kim, an Elephant
Driver High
Priestess of Kali
Miriam, 1st wife of Elder
Hitch Ruth, 2nd wife of
Elder Hitch Blue Lotus

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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Reverend Samuel Wilson

Chorus of Butlers and Maids plus miscellaneous no-named
characters which may be played by members of the
Ensemble

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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Musical Numbers

Act I

1. Overture
2. His Name Is Fogg Carstairs, Passepartout & Cast
3. Around The World In Eighty Days Fogg, Passepartout & Reform
Club
4. I Always Get My Man Fix & Cast
5. Elephant Song Fogg, Cromarty,
Passepartout, Kim & Cast
6. The Dragon Tattoo Blue Lotus & Male Cast
7. All At Sea Bunsby, Fogg, Fix, Aouda &
Cast

Act II

1. Around The World In Eighty Days (Reprise) Fix & Cast

2. What Do I Know Aouda
3. Time to Do Some Electin’ Fogg, Proctor, Fix, Aouda &
Cast
4. That’s Reason To Rejoice Hitch, Aouda,
Passepartout, & Female
Cast
5. Morning Star Mudge, Fogg & Aouda
6. Stuck With You Fix & Passepartout
7. Would Have, Could Have, Should Have Fogg
8. What Do I Know (Reprise) Fogg, Aouda & Cast
9. Around The World In Eighty Days (Finale) Cast

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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Around the World in Eighty Days

The style of this production allows for theatre groups to cross gender many of
the non- singing roles. As it has a very high comic style, female members of a
company can play roles such as Captain Speedy, Mr Oysterpuf and Reverend
Wilson etc. as ‘gentlemen’. It has many roles and can also be presented in a way
that is suitable for all groups with a high volume of female members. It is all
down to the comic characters they can play. False beards and moustaches will
add to the humorous quality of the piece. Bandits, servants, townspeople,
natives are all interchangeable regarding speaking roles.

Main Characters and Suggested

Doubling
Phileas Fogg 40 years old. The epitome of the British stiff upper lip. Stoic,
reserved.
Upright and gentlemanly. Politeness embodied. Rational,
calm, generous and with complete self-control. Unfazed by
anything. Totally centred on one thing – proving that the
world can be traversed in eighty days.
Passepartout 30 years old. Wily French valet of Fogg. Acrobatic, physical.
Comical. Honest, exudes warmth. Brave. Flamboyant.
Excitable and resourceful. He is fiercely loyal to his master.
Inspector Fix 50 years old. Single minded, dyed-in-the-wool old school
policeman. East End cockney. Comical in his unshakable
belief that Fogg is the robber of the Bank of England.
Proud of his reputation as a tenacious man of the law. His
motto – I always get my man. Easily frustrated.
Aouda 20 -30 years old. Parsee Indian princess. Educated in
England. Demure. Sometimes displays a quiet strength.
Beautiful and emotional. Caring, thoughtful and loyal. She
grows to love Fogg for his kind heart and care.

Gauthier Ralph 50-60 years old. Pronounced ‘Rafe’. Director of the Bank of
England.
Portly. Old school British. Full of gout, senior member of
the club. Proud.

[Link]. Sir Francis Cromarty 50 years old. Gilbert and Sullivan’s Major
General.
Archetypal Upper Class Englishman.

Andrew Stuart 45-55 years old. An engineer. Pessimistic, sneering, slightly

slimy.
The chief disbeliever. Upper class. Thin and willowy.
John Bunsby 45-55 years old. A salty seadog. The sea is his home.
Ravished by sea related accidents. Eye patch, peg leg...
you name it, he has it.
Captain Speedy 50 years old. Irascible. Salty sea dog. Red faced and hot
tempered.
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Thomas Flanagan 45-55 years old. A brewer. Irish. Brawny, red cheeked
and strong.
Down to earth.
Judge Obadiah 50 years old. Irritable. Thinks he is always in the right.
Suspicious of everyone. A little addled.
Elder Hitch 40 years old. High and mighty. A preacher.

John Sullivan 40 years old. A banker. Upper class. Immaculate and

precise.
Mr Oysterpuf 35-45 years old. Long suffering clerk of the court.
Knows he will always be in the wrong even if he is in
the right with Judge Obadiah. Wants an easy life.
Mudge 60 years old. A backwoodsman. Fully bearded and
grizzly. Kind hearted.

Samuel Fallentin 40 years old. A banker. Good natured. Down to earth.

Col. Stamp Proctor 40-50 years old. Hell-raising, southern states soldier.
Goatee beard. Likes his whiskey. Easily provoked and
ferocious. Staunchly true to those he respects.

Mr Carstairs 55 years old. The Head of the Servants’ Labour Union.

Very Upper class. Upright. The epitome of the
manservant.

Forster 35 years old. Mr Fogg’s ex-butler. Put upon. A man pushed to

his limits.
Retains some of his upright demeanour but is a broken man.
Thomas 20 upwards. A butler. Quite upright and upper class.
Dolly 20 upwards. A maid. Cockney and quite cheeky.
Kim 18 upwards. Female. As a young boy. South Asian Indian
Elephant driver. He is wily and clever. Becomes loyal to Mr
Fogg. Almost a tour guide.
High Priestess of Kali 30 upwards. A fearsome bloodthirsty creature. A
banshee.
Miriam 20 upwards. Elder Hitch’s First wife
Ruth 20 upwards. Elder Hitch’s Second wife
Blue Lotus 30-40. A femme fatale. Beautiful, sexy, alluring. Wicked.
Seductress.
Rev. Wilson Any age. Typical English country vicar.

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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A World of Adventure - Author’s Notes

When starting out on my journey with Jules Verne, I was struck by the notion
that, like our protagonist Phileas Fogg, I was setting myself a challenge too.
How could I produce a set of larger than life characters and show the
constantly changing continents and locations on one stage?
Around the World in 80 Days, with its rich treasure chest of colourful
characters and situations, was a novel I had long wanted to adapt as a stage
musical. Each time I begin a project, I see it played in my mind’s eye; I hear
the voices of the characters and see them move like chess pieces across my
imaginary stage.
I try to give each show a distinct style but also allow for the creativity of the
director and performer. And yes, it is true that I have my own vision of how it
should be produced but I am always amazed and delighted at the ingenuity of
the companies who choose to stage it. It was for this reason that I took on such
an exciting project as Verne’s Around the World in 80 Days.
I chose to set the piece in something akin to one of the East India Company’s
warehouses; a company which traded overseas and folded a few years before
our story begins. Like our world and the British Empire things were changing. I
hoped that a warehouse full of travelling trunks, costume skips, various bric-a-
brac would be building blocks enough to create the many countries and
transport across the globe. I wanted to create a true ensemble piece where
each and every performer would be an indispensible part of the show, creating
elephants, sleds, steamships and myriads of other settings and modes of
transport right before the eyes of the audience.
I felt it was necessary to keep the playing area moving without scene change
and this is why the cast create locations as the show moves swiftly onward on a
multi functional set. Clever lighting can be used to delineate many different
playing areas, in both space and time. No covering incidentals and clumsy long
set changes to slow the pace of the show and only underscore to pick out a few
moments for pathos or adventure.
I wanted larger than life characters to fill the stage creating breakneck
farcical moments and comedy, though still able to produce softer emotional
moments. It should be cheeky, playful and exciting, using physical comedy,
and all the ingenious ideas each company can bring to it.
Although the script can be quite specific in its stage directions, it can be as
elaborate or as minimal as a company wishes. I am sure that an innovative
cast and director can bring out the fun and excitement of creation in a
thousand different ways.
In a world where theatre has become able to show the most minute detail
using projection and high tech gadgetry, I chose to write something that
would remind the audience how to use their imagination. After all, the mind is
the most fantastic piece of technology we have.
I hope that this new and exciting piece will inspire you to take risks, be
creative and, above all, have fun.

CHRIS BLACKWOOD

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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MUSIC CUE 1. OVERTURE

Act I
The stage is set to look like a large warehouse full of travelling cases, trunks
and crates. Paraphernalia of long forgotten grand tours is dotted around.
There is a gantry that runs the length of the stage and steps on either side
leading up to it. A rostrum is on the outer sides of each set of steps. All look to
be made from crates and packing cases. Behind this whole structure is a
cyclorama, which can be seen through the middle opening and above the
gantry. Many of the travelling trunks are used to suggest scenes by opening
them to reveal a different continent or to build structures such as trains and
boats. Central on the gantry is a box which can be sat in and holds the
elephant costume. It juts out forward of the gantry structure. Each trunk to be
used as a change of scenery can be marked with the country in order to help
the actors. There is a large banner hanging which reads ‘Around the World in
80 Days’ which is removed during the overture. Actors mill about the stage,
moving trunks, placing props etc.

The time is 1872. The place is London. As the banner is removed, an officious
bank clerk stands on the gantry with a table full of wads of banknotes. He is
speaking to a crowd of identically top-hatted and moustachioed gentlemen.
Clerk Gentlemen, you now stand in one of the grand old institutions
of Great Britain. Established in 1694, the Bank of England
keeps a watchful eye upon the investments of the most
successful companies across the globe. (Drawing the crowd’s
attention to the front) As you may have observed, gold, silver
and banknotes are freely exposed, so convinced are we by the
honesty of our patrons. To prove this, you will see neither a
grating nor a guard anywhere throughout this immense hall.
Now if you would move through to the main drawing office...

During this speech another identical top-hatted, moustachioed gentleman has

climbed the steps on the opposite side of the gantry and has helped himself to
the banknotes on the table stuffing them into a carpet bag. As he descends the
steps, he drops a wad of banknotes and the clerk stops him from the gantry.
Clerk Stop! (Waving the money that has been left) My dear sir, I
think these are yours.
The gentleman takes the notes and scurries down the steps, as the rest of the
identical gentlemen reach the bottom. He is indistinguishable from the rest. The
clerk turns to see the table is empty.
Clerk (Calling out as he wheels the table offstage) Mr
Fredericks, it’s happened again!
A newspaper seller in a sandwich board enters on the gantry. The Sandwich
board reads ‘Audacious Robbery at the Bank of England’. The gentlemen all
stand looking up at the gantry.
Seller Bank of England Robbed! Read all about it! Fifty Five
Thousand Pounds stolen! Scotland Yard issues likeness of
suspect!
Two Victorian pictures of a top-hatted, moustachioed gentleman appear on
either side, hanging from the gantry. As they see the hanging pictures, the
gentlemen all turn front.

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Gentlemen Good God!

All the men scuttle off as a number of butlers and maids all enter with chairs.
Two tear down the hangings and begin to fold them neatly. As the servants
have settled, a train porter wheels a large packing trunk onstage. He leaves it
centre stage. The packing trunk bursts open and out steps Passepartout,
brushing himself off with his handkerchief. He is dressed in a bowler hat,
striped morning trousers, a bright yellow waistcoat and a black morning
jacket and carries an umbrella. He has a pencil moustache. A very dapper
Frenchman.

Passepartout Zut alors! Never trust the public transport of England! (Hailing
a maid)
Excusez moi, this is the Servants Labour Union?
Dolly It is. Join the
queue. Passepartout Queue?
What’s that? Dolly You must be
German.
Passepartout (Appalled) Mais, non, je suis
Français ! Dolly That explains the waistcoat. Take
a seat. Passepartout Where should I take it?
Dolly (Pushing him into an empty chair) Sit down. You’re not the
only servant looking for work, you know.
Passepartout takes a newspaper from his pocket and begins to read it. A
flustered butler, Mr Forster, enters with a suitcase.
Forster The man is monstrous! Unbearable! How I kept my position
as long as this is miraculous.
Mr Carstairs, the secretary of the Servants Labour Union, enters.
Carstairs Mr Forster, this behaviour is neither seemly nor
befitting to a gentleman’s gentleman.
Forster My tether is truly at an end, Mr Carstairs. He’s barbaric.
Carstairs Mr Forster, kindly moderate your outbursts. Remember
you are an Englishman.

Forster Look at me! I’m a shadow of my former self, Mr Carstairs.

Tick-tock,
tick-tock... everything to the second. That man doesn’t need a
servant, he needs a metronome. I have left his service, Mr
Carstairs. Nothing would entice me back there, Mr Carstairs.
(Exiting) And further more, Mr Carstairs, I’m joining the
French Foreign Legion.
Carstairs (Turning to the servants) It seems a position has just this
moment become vacant. Step forward if you are searching
for employment?
All, including Passepartout, uniformly stand and take one step forward.

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Carstairs Very good. The employer is Mr Phileas

Fogg. Everyone takes one step backward and sits.
Passepartout is left standing. CarstairsCongratulations,
Mr...
Passepartout Passepartout. Jean Passepartout. At your
service. Carstairs Not at mine, dear sir. At Mr Fogg’s.
Passepartout You don’t want to see my credentials?
Carstairs I think, for once, we can waive the formalities. Report to him
at Number Seven, Saville Row, Burlington Gardens at eleven
o’clock precisely and may I extend to you my deepest
sympathies.
Passepartout Sympathies? For what? Wait! Who is this Mr Fogg?

MUSIC CUE 2. HIS NAME IS FOGG

Fogg, Carstairs, Passepartout &Servants
Dolly Who is Mr Fogg? Why, the whole of London knows
Mr Fogg. Passepartout I am Parisian
Thomas I’m sorry to hear that. No matter, your survival at his
hands is still somewhat dubious.
Carstairs A gentleman’s gentleman should always
be aware He should blend into the decor
like a table or a chair He should always
be unflustered
Servants Untarnished and discreet
Carstairs Though his master be the talk of ev’ry tavern
on the street There is nothing that can faze
him be it tempest, flood or fire
All We accept there’s one exception Mister Phileas Fogg
Esquire
Dolly Who could decimate a man with just a solitary
stare? Thomas Break him in a single moment, fill his soul with
deep despair? Dolly Though there’s some who’d call him
strange or odd
Thomas Bizarre or simply quaint
Servants He could try the steadfast patience of the
saintliest of saint His name is Fogg, it’s Mr
Fogg

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So particular, perpendicular Mr Fogg

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Ev’ry duty will be

reckoned By the tick
of ev’ry second

He’s unnerving, never swerving Mr Fogg

Thomas Ev’ry drop of shaving water must always be

just so Heaven help the simple servant if
it’s one degree below Everything is right on
schedule, not as easy as you think All his
peccadilloes drive an honest man to drink
Dolly He’ll expect his house in order like the
workings of a clock There’s a label on each
tie and time of day for ev’ry sock
To math’matical precision, you’ll be hounded
night and day Till you’ll wish you’d never left
the port of jolly old Calais

Servants His name is Fogg, it’s Mr Fogg

So meticulous it’s ridiculous,
Mr Fogg Not a fellow in the
borough
Thomas Is so galling
Dolly Or so thorough
Servants So exacting, it’s distracting, Mr Fogg.
Carstairs (alarmed) The time, Mr Passepartout! Time is of the
essence. Mr Fogg abhors tardiness.
Passepartout looks at his pocket watch and runs across the stage as Fogg
enters. Frock-coated and meticulously dressed in top hat and carrying a cane.
Fogg You must be the new servant.
Passepartout Monsieur Ferg.
Fogg (correcting) Fogg.
Passepartout (pronouncing slowly and painstakingly)
Ferrrrrrg! Fogg Fogg.
Passepartout Ferrrrrrrrrrg!
Fogg You are French?

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Passepartout I should hope so or I wouldn’t understand a

word I say. Fogg I trust your references are in order.
Passepartout (Taking out his references) Mais oui, I can turn my hand
to anything, monsieur. As you can see, I’ve been a
singer, a fireman, a tightrope walker...
Fogg (ignoring and looking at his pocket watch) You’re late.
What time do you make it?
Passepartout (looking at his pocket watch) Eleven
twenty-two. FoggYour watch is slow.
Passepartout C’est impossible, monsieur! This is an impeccable
timepiece. Fogg Nonetheless, it is four minutes slow.
Passepartout But monsieur...
Fogg Take note, Passepartout. From this moment onwards, eleven
twenty six on the morning the 2nd of October, 1872, you are
working for me. Here is your schedule. I shall return from the
Reform Club at midnight.
Fogg hands the schedule to Passepartout and walks away. During the next
verse, the servants set up the table and chairs of the Reform Club, just in time
for Fogg to sit and open his newspaper on the last note.
Passepartout I’ve seen waxworks at Madame Tussaud’s with more life
than my new master. But this will suit me just fine...
(Sung) A quiet life, a normal life
Just the simple peace and quiet with no stress or strife
And the only bit of drama is when someone
coughs too loud Or a slightly funny shape to
the occasional passing cloud I’ll be content to
trade adventure in
Away from all the noise
and din A little place
where tedium is rife
For just a chance of living a simple
happy quiet life It’s a life that’s so
sublime
Everything is right on time
I’ll be happy with his schedule
From his breakfast time to bed, you’ll

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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See that everything I do is

right on time I work for Fogg,
that’s Mr Fogg
Fine upstanding
Servants But demanding Mr Fogg
Passepartout I’ll be happy with my duster
For a life that’s so lacklustre
Servants So fastidious that it’s hideous, Mr Fogg
It’s Mr Fogg, that’s Mr Fogg
Take a sabbatical, he’s fanatical,
Mr Fogg Every servant he will
rile’em
Till they’re sent to an
asylum Makes you bilious,
so punctilious Damn that
Mister Fogg
Makes you bilious, so
punctilious Supercilious
Phileas Fogg
As the servants and Passepartout exit, only Fogg is left on stage obscured by his
newspaper. The members of the Reform Club enter. Of different shapes and
sizes. Gaulthier Ralph, a portly short man, Andrew Stuart, a sour faced man,
John Sullivan, a tall man, Samuel Fallentin, a short man and Thomas Flanagan, a
brawny Irishman.
Flanagan Terrible business at the bank,
Ralph. Ralph Blasted nuisance! £55,000
stolen!
Stuart A pretty penny, I must say. Thief’s probably long gone.
Ralph On the contrary, there’s no conceivable way the criminal will
escape our clutches. We’ve sent the best detectives in the
business all over the world. Every point of entry and exit.
He’ll never get away with it.
Sullivan Of course he won’t. British justice is the best we have in
this country. Ralph Nevertheless, he has robbed the Bank of England
blind.
Flanagan He must be a Bank director.
Ralph Excuse me, we don’t rob. We take bonuses. It’s an

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entirely different kettle of fish.

Stuart Flippancy aside, the thief is an intelligent man and a man
like that will not be caught.

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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Ralph There isn’t a single country he can hide in.

Stuart The world is a big place.
Fogg (folding his newspaper, methodically) That used to be true,
gentlemen, at present one can traverse the globe in a mere
eighty days.
Stuart Eighty days?
Fogg Eighty days! The opening of a new section on the Indian
Peninsular Railway has made it entirely possible.
Fallentin Gentlemen, Mr Fogg is entirely correct. It says so in
the Morning Chronicle. From London to Suez via the
Mont Cenis Tunnel and Brindisi.
Fogg Seven days.
Fallentin Suez to Bombay
Fogg Thirteen days.
Fallentin Bombay to Calcutta
Fogg Three days.
Fallentin Calcutta to Hong Kong
Fogg Thirteen days.
Fallentin Hong Kong to Yokohama
Fogg Six days.
Fallentin Yokohama to San Francisco
Fogg Twenty two days.
Fallentin San Francisco to New York
Fogg Seven days.
Fallentin And from New York to London
Fogg Nine days.
Fallentin Giving you a total of...
Both Eighty days.
Stuart Ah, but this is all conjecture, Fogg! Your whole schedule
takes nothing into account. Bad weather, adverse winds,
shipwrecks, derailments... Good God, man, it only takes a
wet leaf on the line and British transport comes to a halt.
Fogg I have taken into account every such eventuality.

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International

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Stuart Heaven knows what sort of drama these foreign johnnies’ll

come up with. They’re savages out there, you know. They’ll
have your scalp for a tea cosy as soon as look at you. And,
when it gets to four o’clock in the afternoon, some of them
don’t even stop for tea.
All (mortified) Good God!
Fogg The whole venture is quite feasible.
Sullivan In theory, Fogg, you may be right... ah, but in
practice... Fogg In practice too.
Stuart I’d like to see you prove it. I’d bet £4,000 that such a
journey in eighty days is impossible.
Flanagan By thunder, old man, you have to be
joking. Stuart I never joke where money is
concerned.
Fogg I am fully prepared to prove my point.
Stuart When?
Fogg Straight away. I have £20,000 deposited with Baring
Brothers and I am quite willing to risk them...
Sullivan £20,000? Twenty thousand that you could lose as a
result of an unexpected delay.
Fogg There is no such thing as the unexpected.
Stuart It can’t be done.
Fogg I expected you to say that. Gentlemen, I bet my entire
£20,000 against anyone that I will traverse the globe in
eighty days or less. Do you accept?

MUSIC CUE 3. AROUND THE WORLD IN EIGHTY

DAYS
Fogg, Passepartout & Reform Club
Stuart It’s preposterous
Sullivan It’s absurd
Ralph Quite the most fantastic thing I’ve ever heard
Flanagan But to risk a fortune on a foolish wager...
Fogg Never fret.
Fallentin It can’t be done
Stuart By anyone.
All I’ll take that bet.

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Fogg Very well, Gentlemen, the Dover train leaves at eight forty-
five this evening and I shall be on it. I will be back in the
drawing room of the Reform Club in precisely eighty days,
in other words, 1,920 hours, or if you prefer, 115,200
minutes.
Fogg Lesser men would call it
reckless Foolish, rash or
simply feckless
Say it’s just a joke or passing phase
Reform Club A passing phase
Fogg It can be done, it will be
done And, yes, my
friends, I am the one
To travel round the world in eighty days
Reform Club In eighty days! No!
Fogg An English man will say that’s
where we differ The thought just
makes my upper lip get stiffer By
boat, by train, by God, by chaise
I’ll make it round the world in eighty days
Reform Club Around the world in eighty days
Let’s hope that you can parlez-vous a little old
francais Around the world in eighty days
From Brindisi across the sea to Suez
then Bombay The place is going native
The weather’s blazing hot
Stuart And if you’re not
creative You could
wind up in a pot
Reform Club The globe is full of dangers, you could die a
thousand ways But since you must, I’m sure
we trust
You’ll get around the world in eighty days
Stuart I went abroad once. Didn’t like it. Full of foreigners.

Reform Club You’ll cross a dark and savage land

Stuart It’s full of snakes and bellyaches
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Reform Club I think you understand

From old Calcutta’s shining sea
It’s lucky if that leaky skiff will ever
leave the quay The pirates run their
shipping

It’s never fun and larks

Stuart Adventure’s not so ripping

When you’re torn apart by sharks
Reform Club The globe is full of dangers, you could die a
thousand ways But since you must, I’m sure
we trust
You’ll get around the world in eighty days
Fallentin Next stop, Hong Kong. The Pearl of the Orient.
Stuart How can anyone say anything bad about the Chinese?
Whatever unspeakable things they eat, they have the
good manners to wash it down with tea.

Reform Club Better get a ticket from Hong Kong Bay

Navigate the hurricane come
what may You can be the
picture of health, old man If
you get to calmer, Yokohama in
Japan
Stuart Nippon! Land of tiny trees and even tinier
people. Fallentin Now onto San Francisco by steamship.

Reform Club Oh say can you see, by the dawn’s early light

A part of our Empire that was but

not quite America’s only a
heartbeat away

You can tell by the tea that they chucked in the bay

Ralph I thought that was in Boston.

Stuart Damned Americans! Know nothing about geography.

Reform Club Who knows what ghastly perils wait

To trouble you when passing through each
horrifying state And should you cross the great
divide

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To get to Blighty is a mighty feat to

do beside We’re sorry if we’re
skittish

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But there are

certain times It
simply isn’t British

To be seen in foreign climes

So save yourself the hardship, bring back the

old malaise Go to Brighton

Go to Hove

Go to
Bournemouth
But by Jove
You will never get around the world in
eighty days Never, never eighty days.
The Reform Club members move up onto the gantry and look down as Fogg
walks across the stage.
Fogg Passepartout! (Pause) Passepartout!
Passepartout enters, putting on his jacket
Fogg This is the second time I have
called you Passepartout Monsieur, you’re back.
Fogg (with slight sarcasm) How very observant.
Well done. Passepartout But you said you would return by
midnight.
Fogg I trust it hasn’t put you out. (Pause) Fetch
my bag. Passepartout (getting his carpet bag) Is monsieur
going somewhere?
Fogg Correction. We are going somewhere. Around the world to be
precise.
Fogg opens a trunk and takes out a number of wads of banknotes.
Passepartout (nonchalantly, exiting) Of course. I will pack at
once... (Sudden understanding, incredulous)
Around the world?
Fogg In eighty days. No time to explain.
Fogg drops the banknotes into the incredulous Passepartout’s carpet bag.
Passepartout’s jaw drops ever wider as the piles are dropped in.
£20,000 should be enough, don’t you think?
Passepartout Mon dieu!
Fogg Treat it with care.

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Passepartout Like a woman,

monsieur.

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Fogg A woman?
Passepartout I wouldn’t mind getting my hands
on it. Fogg Is that all you French ever think
about?
Passepartout Ummm... I sometimes think about wine. Clothes,
monsieur? Fogg We shall buy what we need on the way. Is that
everything? PassepartoutIt is.
Fogg Then we are on our way.
Steam starts to fill the stage as they walk and the sound of steam trains fill the
air. The cast are waving British flags. General hubbub.
Fogg Gentlemen, the time has come. I trust that the various
stamps in my passport will suffice as regards the places I
have been.
Ralph Not necessary, old man. You are an Englishman and an
Englishman is as good as his word.
Fogg Nevertheless, it shall be done.
Stuart Eighty days. That’s the wager.
Fogg And not a second later.

Cast Around the world in eighty days

You’ll never get a better bet, it’s
Britain’s latest craze Around the world in
eighty days
He’ll inspire the Empire in a hundred thousand ways
Passepartout I think I’ve left the gas on
Fogg Dear fellow, don’t
get tense If you have
left the gas on It’ll
burn at your expense
Passepartout (spoken) Mon Dieu!

Cast Pour plaudits on this fellow, he deserves the

greatest praise He can do it, yes he can

He’s a true blue Englishman

And he’s sure to get around the world in eighty days

Stuart Never, never, never eighty days
Fogg Still I have found

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The prospect’s sound

To go around the world in eighty days
Cast Eighty days…Eighty days…Eighty
days… Around the world in
eighty days.
Fogg and Passepartout step into the steam and are gone as we hear a train
whistle and the chug of a stream train. The crowd disperses as Fogg enters,
writing in his journal. Passepartout follows.
Fogg Left London, Wednesday 2nd of October, 8.45pm.
Arrived Paris, Thursday 3rd of October, 7.20am.
A Frenchman in a striped shirt, with a string of onions round his neck and
wearing a beret passes them wheeling a bicycle.
Passepartout Ah Paree!
Frenchman Bonjour, je suis un français typique.
Fogg Left Paris, Thursday 3rd of October, 8.40am.
Frenchman Au revoir!
Frenchman exits.
Fogg Arrived in Turin, Friday 4th of October, 6.35am
An Italian in national dress enters.
Italian Ciao. You want to buy souvenir from Turin, signor?
Italian holds out what is obviously the Turin
Shroud. Passepartout I’m not buying that.
There’s a stain on it. Fogg Left Turin, Friday
4th of October, 7.20am.
Italian Arriverderci!
Italian goes to exit.
Fogg Arrived Brindisi, Saturday 5th of October, 5pm.
Italian turns on his heels.
Italian Ciao, again.
Passepartout Haven’t I seen you
before? Italian I have a brother in
Turin.
Passepartout Ah.
Fogg Where could we find the steamship Mongolia, my good man?

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Italian The Mongolia, signor? It’s just coming into dock now.
There is a loud steamer foghorn as a large steamer stove pipe and a ships wheel
is brought onto the gantry, two life rings are hung which read SS MONGOLIA.
The captain steers. Fogg and Passepartout climb the stairs to the gantry and
stand.
Fogg Boarded The Mongolia, Saturday 5th October, 5pm.
Captain Next stop, Suez.
Italian Arriverderci!
MUSIC CUE 4.
The foghorn is heard again. As the lights go down on the gantry and the
Italian exits, a couple of Egyptians in fez enter. They pull on a camel on
wheels laden down with carpets etc. A uniformed British official enters,
swatting himself with a horsehair whip. This is the British Consul. Inspector
Fix, a typical cockney policeman type, dastardly moustached, dressed in pith
helmet and white suit, enters.
Consul Damn these foreign flies. At least British ones have the
etiquette to keep their teeth to themselves. Of all the
godforsaken places to be stationed. Suez!
Fix (to Egyptian) Boy! Where is the British
Consul? Egyptian(Pointing) He’s the only one not wearing a
fez, effendi.
Fix Good. (Fix goes to walk and steps into camel dung) And
clean up after that filthy animal. This place is worse than
Whitechapel.
As Fix drags his foot behind him, trying to rid himself of the dung, the British
Consul watches him.
Consul I know a marvellous doctor who could reset that leg,
you know. Fix Sorry?
Consul Never mind. What can I do for you?
Fix I’m looking for the steamship Mongolia.
Consul (Sniffing) Can you smell something...
er...funny? Fix What?

Consul Nothing. The Mongolia, you say? It’ll be up the canal in no

time.
Magnificent canal, this, you know. Cut the time of the trade
routes in half...
Fix I ain’t got time for a bleedin’ history lesson. I’m on the trail
of a dangerous bank robber. Pinched 55,000 quid from the
bank of England. Brazen, he is.
Consul I vaguely remember seeing something in the Times...

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Fix Yeah, well, I’m here to arrest the felon and I believe
he’s on the Mongolia.
Consul And you are?
Fix Inspector Fix. Scotland Yard. I need a warrant for arrest.
Consul We can’t just hand arrest warrants out willy-nilly. It’s just
not... well... British. If we just started handing out warrants
left right and centre for this and that, where would we be?
I’ll tell you where we’d be... Italy.
Fix I have a description of the man.
Consul You may have a portrait done in oils and signed by the
artist, dear fellow, but without notification from the
Commissioner of Scotland Yard, a warrant cannot and
will not be issued. Simple as that.
Fix At least slow the man down. Detain him ‘til I have the warrant.
Consul If his papers are in order, I can do nothing but stamp them
and send him on his way.
Fix Bloody red tape!
Consul Of course. It’s what makes Britain great. (Sniffing) Are
you sure you can’t smell anything?
Fix I smell felony, sir.
Consul No, that’s not it.
Fix That crook is on the Mongolia. I can feel it in my water.
Consul I wish you every success in your endeavours, Mr Fix. Oh, and
I’d advise you to stay out of the noonday sun, it sends
Englishmen a little loopy, you know.
Consul twitches freakishly and Fix flinches. Consul exits. The Foghorn blows
once more and the gantry is illuminated. Fogg gives the passports to
Passepartout who descends the stairs.
Fix The Mongolia! And if I’m not mistaken a cargo full of suspects!
Passepartout Excusez moi, could you point me in the direction of the
British Consul? I need our passports stamped.
Fix That gentleman I saw you just talking to...
Passepartout My master, yes?
Fix The owner of said passport, is he?
Passepartout He is.
Fix Well, if he wants it stamped with a British visa, he’s going
to have to prove his identity by presenting himself in
person.

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Passepartout He won’t be too pleased. He’s in a bit of a hurry,

you see. Fix I bet he is. Left London in a rush, did you?
Passepartout Like a flash. Last Wednesday Mr Fogg came back from his
club and ten minutes later, we were on our way round the
world.
Fix Around the world?
Passepartout In eighty days.
Fix Bit of a nutter, is he, your Mr Fogg? Rich is he?
Passepartout I should say so. Carrying a fortune with him. Fresh
banknotes. Doesn’t mind spending it either. Promised the
chief engineer of The Mongolia a huge bonus if he gets us to
Bombay ahead of time. Talking of time, I’d better get back to
Mr Fogg.
Fix You should have a little look round the bazaar. After all,
you have plenty of time. It’s only midday.
Passepartout (Taking out his pocket watch) Midday? Mais non, it is only
nine fifty-two. Fix Your watch is slow.
Passepartout My watch is as accurate as the day it was made.
Fix You’ve kept London time which is two hours behind Suez.
You need to set your watch to the right time in each country.
Passepartout Alter my watch? Never. (Sniffs) Can you smell
something funny? Fix Not a thing.
Passepartout No matter.
Passepartout turns and goes back up to the gantry, where he delivers the news
to Fogg.

Fix (Aside) I knew it! This Mr Fogg is my man! I can smell villainy
a mile off.
The whiff of skulduggery is in the air. (To Egyptian) Here, boy!
Fix goes behind the camel with the Egyptian and comes out the other side in a
ludicrous beard, kaftan and fez just as Passepartout and Fogg pass on their
way to the British Consul, who appears at the other side of the stage.
Passepartout I am sorry, monsieur, the man on the quayside told me you
had to go in person.
Fogg No matter, Passepartout, we shall adhere to every rule and
regulation just as every Englishman should.
Passepartout I’m a Frenchman.
Fogg Try to keep it in check, there’s a good man. Come along.

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Fix follows them.

Consul Good day to you. You’re lucky you caught me. I was just
closing up for the afternoon. Doesn’t do for a man to be out
in this blazing sun at midday. Sends people loopy, you know.
He twitches freakishly. Passepartout flinches as does Fix in his disguise. Fogg
maintains his demeanour.
Fogg Not to worry, old man. Just a little matter of a British visa.
Could you stamp the old passport?
Consul (Taking the passport and reads it) And you are Mr
Phileas Fogg? Fogg I am.
Passepartout He is.
Consul And this is your manservant, Passepartout?
Fogg He is.
Passepartout I am.
Fogg We’ve just come from London and we’re on our way to
Bombay. Consul Very well. Can you smell something funny?
Passepartout eyes up the disguised Fix, who looks elsewhere.
Fogg Not at all.
Consul Ah, must be the sun.
The Consul twitches freakishly. Fix and Passepartout flinch. Fogg maintains his
demeanour.
Consul You are aware that visa formalities are unnecessary and
that passports need not be shown?
Fogg I am. I just need proof that I have been through Suez.
Consul Fair enough.
The Consul stamps the visa. Fogg takes it and he and Passepartout make their
way to the gantry once more.
Consul (waving) Enjoy Bombay. Don’t drink the
water. Fix (tearing off his disguise) You see?
Consul Oh, very good, Mr Fix. Fooled me completely.
Fix Not the disguise, that Fogg fellow. He fits the description of
the thief exactly. I’ll get to the bottom of this. That loose
lipped Frenchy’s bound to let something slip given the right
push. Send a telegram to London with an urgent request for
an arrest warrant.

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Consul And you?

Fix I’ll get on board their boat and follow the thief to India, and
when we’re in British territory, in Bombay, I’ll go up to him
calmly, warrant in me hand and say politely, ‘You’re nicked!’
How long do I have before the Mongolia sets sail?
Consul You have just enough time to sing a short but insightful
song about villainy.
Fix Good.

MUSIC CUE 5. I ALWAYS GET MY MAN

Fix and Cast

Fix I’ve always lived me life by

the book Every chance I’ve
had has been took
I remember when me father said ‘Life brings its
own reward’ Which really was ironic ’cos they
locked him up for fraud
Me mother wept and beat her chest and cried ‘He
should be free’ But I had gone and dobbed him in
’cos honesty’s my policy Whenever I feel reflective
I’m glad I’m a great detective
So felons beware, I’ll always
be there I’m famous for
always getting my man So
give me some dark
skulduggery Filled with a
pinch of muggery Haven’t a
care, I’m floating on air
I’m famous for always getting my man
Some blokes are happy with their literature and arts
I’m never happy less there’s piles and piles of
body parts Whenever I’m bored and listless
There’s some bloke who’s killed
his mistress I’ll put him away to
cheer up my day
I’m famous for always getting
my man When there is a
death in Venice or Anything

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crammed with menace or

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Lecherous fling, I’ll make

them swing I’m famous for
always getting my man I find
adventure gripping
No more than when Jack was ripping
A murderous spree just fills me
with glee I’m famous for always
getting my man
I’ll unearth the clues on any crime that’s there
I love digging up the dirt as much as
Burke and Hare If there is a crime I’m
handle-ing
Murder or maim or
mangle-ing Take it
from me, I guarantee

I’m famous for always getting my man

I like the strain of

busily Dissecting
something grisly
Just take a look, I’ll find that
crook I’m famous for always
getting my man I’m grateful
to get saluted
When someone is executed
I’m happy to serve what they
deserve I’m famous for always
getting my man
Some blokes like to study poetry and at flowers
I can study bloody guts for hours and
hours and hours When Sherlock begins
deducting
I easily find I’m sucked in
To robb’ries galore, who’s
keeping score? I’m famous for

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always getting my… Famous for

always getting my… Famous for
always getting my man
Fix (to Consul) How am I for time?

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Consul Just enough for a big finish.

Fix Then Mr Fogg, you have found your match. One more time...

Fix Just hereabout these

premises This bloke has
found his nemesis
Inspector Fix
Consul Biggest of dicks
Fix I’m famous for always getting
my man Don’t want to be
dramatic
But honestly I’m ecstatic
With Fogg in my sight I’m awash
with delight I always get my man
I’ll foil his evil
plan I’ll catch as
no one can

’Cos I’m famous for getting my man

Chorus He always gets his man

Fix My man
Chorus He always gets his man
Fix My man
Chrous He always gets his man
Fix My man
I always get my man
MUSIC CUE 6.

The Mongolia’s foghorn is heard and Fix runs up onto the gantry as the chorus
waves off the ship. The Reform Club members enter with the Times newspapers
up in front of them.
Ralph The newspapers are full of this wager. There are bets
being taken all over London. Seems people will do
anything for money.
Stuart There is only one honest way to make money. The way I did -
inherit it.
Sullivan The City is going mad with the news. Fogg has left Suez
already. They’ll be well on their way to Bombay by now.
They carry on reading their newspapers as a light comes up on the gantry. Fix
is standing looking out over the sea. Passepartout walks past and spies him.

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Passepartout Ah, monsieur, it is you!

Fix So it is. You still travelling with that mad
Englishman? Passepartout I am. Very good to see you
again, monsieur...
Fix Fix.
Passepartout Monsieur Fix. Have you made this trip
before? Fix Ah... well... yes... er... I work for P&O.
Passepartout So you must know India.
Fix Like the back of my hand. Full of exotic beasties and
dusky maidens with great, big ... beauty.
Passepartout Let’s hope I have time to look around.
Fix Still in a hurry then? Where’s your Mr Fogg? I never see him
on deck.
Passepartout Mr Fogg thinks the landscape gets in the way of his journey.
He spends most of his time playing whist with the other
passengers. For me, travel expands the mind.
Fix That presupposes you have one in the
first place. Passepartout Can you smell something funny?
Fix Must be the sea air.
Lights down on the gantry, back to the reform club except Ralph.
Sullivan I see that Lord Albermarle has bet £5,000 on Fogg winning
his wager. StuartHe should keep his money, Fogg’ll never do it.
Flanagan That’s not what the Times says. Says he’s arrived in
Bombay two days ahead of schedule.
Stuart That’s impossible.
Flanagan It’s the British Press; it must
be true. Stuart Bombay already! Damn that
man!
MUSIC CUE 7.
Lights up on gantry where Fogg and Passepartout disembark. There are Indian
natives and priests in various places on the stage. A bustle of an Indian city. Fix
watches intently from the gantry as they walk away.
Fogg (Looking at his watch) It is now precisely four thirty. The
train for Calcutta leaves at exactly eight o’clock. You have the
list of items you need to buy.

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Passepartout I do, monsieur.

Fogg And I do not need to emphasise how important it is to be at
the station on the dot.
Passepartout No, monsieur.
Fogg Very well. I shall go directly to the passport office.
Passepartout Will you not be taking in the sights? The temples?
The ruins?
Fogg We have ruins in England. I can see a better class of rubble at
home.
Fogg exits. Passepartout looks about him. A snake charmer starts to play his
flute and a snake arises from his basket. Passepartout watches in fascination
then takes out a scissors and snips the wire that attaches the snake to the
flute. Passepartout exits.
MUSIC CUE 7 FADES
Fix disembarks and taps on the wall of packing cases. A door opens in the
wall just enough for head and shoulders to pop out. The native who pops his
head out is wearing a turban.
Fix Is this the Bombay Police Headquarters?
Native It is.
Fix I need to see the Chief.
Native One moment, sahib.
The native disappears and comes back wearing a policeman’s helmet.
Fix Are you the Chief of Police?
Native I am
Fix You look exactly like that other bloke.
Native You just can’t get the staff nowadays. Now what is it you want?
Fix I am Inspector Fix and I believe you have a warrant here for
the arrest of a dangerous bank robber. It was sent from
London.
Native No warrant.
The native slams the door. Fix taps it again. Native opens it in a turban.
Fix I need a warrant.
Native One moment, sahib.
The native disappears and comes back wearing a policeman’s helmet.
Fix Oh, this is just barmy.
Native You again. There is no warrant here.

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Fix Then issue one. We’re talking about a hardened criminal here.
Native British law has its precedents and this is not one of them.
Now get away from here before you feel the wrong end of my
truncheon!
The door is slammed once more.
Fix Damn! There’s nothing for it but to keep this blasted Fogg
in my sights until the warrant arrives.
Fogg passes by with the carpet bag and Fix follows him at a distance. They exit.
The Indian crowds disperse as two large doors open in the wall. Two Indian
priests enter and go to their knees, chanting. They face down, arms
outstretched. Passepartout enters.
Passepartout Ah, what a day! If this journey ended right here I could die
happy. Each temple more magnifique than the last!
The two priests come up on their knees and once more face down, arms
outstretched. Passepartout watches them.
Passepartout Well, when in Rome...
Passepartout goes to his knees chanting. As he goes face down, arms
outstretched, the two priests come up. He comes up, they go down. This
happens a number of times with Passepartout trying to get into synch. As
Passepartout goes down, the priests look to his feet, look to each other and
then, grabbing an ankle each, pull Passepartout up into a handstand.
Priest #1 These are shoes.
Passepartout They are, though they’re of more use the other
way up. Priest#2 You desecrate our temple with your filthy
shoes!
Passepartout How dare you! They’re freshly cleaned this
morning. Priest#1 Sacrilege! You are an animal!
The priests take off his shoes. Passepartout tries to get upright but they beat
him down with his own shoes and shout at him.
Passepartout Wait! Ow! Wait! I thought you were supposed to be
pacifists. Priest#2 In your case, we’ll make an exception.
MUSIC CUE 8.
He gets up and they chase him out of the temple. The doors close. As the stage
crowds with Indian street sellers, Passepartout runs across it, followed by the
priests in pursuit. They exit. There is a pause and Passepartout runs on again,
this time he grabs some brightly coloured material from a vendor. He wraps
himself up in it, until he resembles an Indian woman in a sari. The priests run
on, stop and look puzzled. Passepartout taps one and points off. The priest
thanks him, stepping on the end of the sari and as Passepartout tries to walk
off, he spins out of the cloth, leaving him exposed. The Priests see this and the
pursuit continues, chasing him offstage. Indian porters bring on two large
trunks which are left standing upright. They open the two large doors in the
back wall. Fogg enters

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followed by Fix. Fogg stops and looks at his watch. Fix hides behind one of the
trunks, taking notes in his notepad.
MUSIC CUE 8 ENDS
Fogg The train leaves in precisely two minutes.
Fix (aside) Look at him! Not a care in the world. That’s the
trouble with gentlemen thieves. Ain’t got no decorum.
Passepartout (Entering out of breath) Monsieur... my shoes... the temple...
priests... (He mimes being beaten with sticks and running,
dressing as a woman etc)
Fogg watches Passepartout silently. Fix scribbles furiously in his pad.
Passepartout (Waggling his bare feet) They took my shoes, monsieur.
Fogg This is no time for charades, Passepartout. We have a train to
catch.
They exit through the doors at the back. As steam starts to flow through the
doors, Fix comes out of his hiding place.
Fix A crime committed on Indian soil! Aha! I’ve got
my man. Priest#1 (Running on with the other priests) We have
lost the infidel!
Fix (Stopping them) Not necessarily, gentlemen. The British
government looks upon this sort of thing very seriously.
Infidels in your temple? If you let this go, the place will be
streaming with American tourists before you can say
Bangalore. Come with me, I have a cunning plan.
They exit as three Indian porters place the trunks flat on the ground
representing a railway carriage. Sir Francis Cromarty enters, a typical British
brigadier-general in traditional red tunic and white pith helmet. He sits and
starts to read his newspaper. The steam train whistle is heard and the train
moves off. Passepartout and Fogg enter and sit across from him. Passepartout
looks out of the window at the passing scenery, as they jog about experiencing
the bumps of the train as it makes its journey.
Cromarty lowers his newspaper and looks at Fogg as he
writes in his journal. Cromarty By Jove, if it isn’t Mr Fogg!
I never forget a face! Fogg (Looking up) Hmm?
Cromarty Brigadier-General Sir Francis Cromarty. Played whist with
you on board the Mongolia. An admirable opponent, I must
say.
Fogg Of course. Rejoining your troops?
Cromarty Benares bound. Still making good time on your
wager? Fogg So far, Sir Francis.
Fogg goes back to writing in his journal.

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Cromarty Marvellous place India. Got everything. Statues, kedgeree,

cricket. If it wasn’t for malaria, you’d think you were in
Surrey. What time do you make it?
Passepartout (Looking at his pocket watch) Three o’clock in the morning, Sir
Francis.
Cromarty Poppycock! You’re four hours slow. You’re set to London
time. You need to set your watch in every destination.
Passepartout (shocked) I never touch my timepiece, Sir Francis.
Cromarty Suit yourself. (To Fogg) Devilishly stubborn fellow, your
man, Fogg. Fogg Sorry, I was miles away. Working out our travel time so
far.
Cromarty Quite so. Train seems to be slowing. Never a great lover of
the railways, myself. They just encourage common people to
travel about needlessly.
A train conductor appears.
Cromarty Has the train stopped?
Conductor No more track.
Cromarty No more track? What do you mean, no
more track? Conductor Train has nowhere to go. End of
line.
Fogg The Times said that this line ran from Bombay to Calcutta.
Conductor Never trust a newspaper’s sources, sahib. The other
passengers know about it, sahib, and have made prior
arrangements to travel the fifty miles between here and
where the train line begins again in Allahabad.
Cromarty Hellfire! Fifty of the darkest savage miles India has to offer!
Dash it all, this is ludicrous!
Fogg Not at all, Sir Francis, there is always a way. (beat)
Passepartout, go and find some means of transport.
Conductor Most of the alternatives have already been
booked, sahib. Fogg Then we shall have to be creative.
Passepartout exits. The steam is clearing as Fogg and Cromarty steps forward.
The train conductor blows his whistle and three Indian porters take off the
trunks the passengers have been sitting on.
Cromarty This delay is extremely prejudicial to your interests, eh, Fogg?
Fogg By no means, Sir Francis. I knew unforeseen circumstances
would arise. I have two spare days at my disposal. The
steamer to Hong Kong leaves Calcutta at midday on the 25th.
Today is the 22nd and I have no doubt that we shall reach
Calcutta on time.
Passepartout enters.

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Passepartout Monsieur, there is

nothing. Fogg Nothing?
Passepartout Well, when I say nothing, there may have been
something. Fogg Show me.
The pile of what seemed to be tarpaulin tied with ropes in the box on the
gantry is dropped from it by Kim, an Indian elephant driver. As it is attached
to the box, the tarpaulin is magically transformed into an elephant complete
with legs, tail and ears. Two Indian natives step behind it and place their feet
into the legs of the tarpaulin elephant, manipulating the tail and the trunk.
Kim comes down the steps as the travellers approach.
Cromarty By George, an elephant!
Fogg Splendid, Passepartout. We must speak with the owner.
Cromarty Allow me, Fogg. I’ve spent most of my life in India. I can
safely say that I know as much about the customs and
character of this place as any native.
Cromarty turns to Kim and speaks loudly, slowly and over enunciated.
Cromarty WE – WANT – TO – HIRE- YOUR – ELEPHANT!
Kim This is as high as he gets, Sahib.
Cromarty (To Fogg) HE – SAYS ...
Fogg I think I’ve got the gist.
Cromarty (To Kim) HE – SAYS...
Fogg I think I can take it from here, Sir Francis. Look here,
fellow, I’d like to rent your elephant.
Kim Not for rent. Kiouni is a very special animal, Sahib. He is a
pedigree. His father is a Steinway piano and his mother is an
umbrella stand in the palace of Queen Victoria.
Cromarty/Fogg (saluting) God Bless her!
Kim Kiouni has been bred for war.
Fogg Then I would like to buy him.
Kim Are you starting a war?
The elephant takes off Passepartout’s hat with his trunk. Passepartout jumps
to grab it but the elephant holds it out of his reach.
Fogg One thousand pounds!
Kim No, I could not part with such a noble beast for a sum like that.

© 2013 Chris Blackwood & International