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First Time: A Mother's Heartbreak

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sasi leha
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0% found this document useful (0 votes)
21 views4 pages

First Time: A Mother's Heartbreak

poem

Uploaded by

sasi leha
Copyright
© All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

FIRST TIME

I remember the first time:

The first tear rolled down my eyes


A change in my life
As I saw that positive sign
A ray of hope
I knew an angel was going to be born
Thus, my loneliness shall be gone
After all these years
As an answer to my prayers

In a blink of an eye
You entered earth
Faster than light itself
Your said your first word; Mama
Made me realize how my mother would have felt
When I uttered those words

I always knew you were special,


Since the day you were formed in my womb,
Since the day I heard your heartbeat
I carried you, I felt you grow
I longed for the day we would meet
And dreamed for your future
I know both physically and emotionally,
In everyway
You were always imperfectly perfect

Oh the feeling
When you made friends and played around
Laughing and giggling so contentedly
Calling out to me, with full of jubilation
Little did I know that it wouldn’t last long

The first time I saw those bruises,


That caught the attention of my eye,
I saw the pain in you and felt it in me
When I asked you “What’s wrong honey?”,
You said it was nothing
And left me wondering

Day by Day,
I hear wails from your room,
But hearing the footsteps of my mine,
There was a sudden silence

Without being asked,


You said “I’m fine!”
A question played in my mind
The changes in your behaviour,
The rebelliousness you were showing,
The anger that came from nowhere
Made me wonder why,

Why, Why and Why


Why have you become like this?
What has happened to you?

Yet, those signs


Were the answers,
To my questions
To my doubts
The night I kissed you on the forehead,
And said Goodnight yet you said Goodbye,
I never understood then,
But far away you flew amongst the stars,
To be home with God

I gave you life to this earth


Yet, you took it away
You took my hopes, my strength, my dreams
Leaving us behind,
With tears and broken hearts,
Although people say it isn’t my fault
The guilt and the grief haunt me every night

Why did you have to leave me this soon?


To somewhere,
Unknown, Unfound and Unthinkable

The hopes and dreams I had,


The memories I wanted to share,
The moments that were to become a reality,
Has become a vanity

Yet I know, you’re somewhere safe and sound


With peace and happiness that surround

But still,
Why did you have to leave me this soon?

The love and kindness you showed


In a world full of malice
You didn’t deserve to be treated that way
The first time I held you, with tears of joy,
Not knowing
it would end so quickly,
And lead to a lifetime journey of misery

Though you are gone


Though you are not here with me
The cord is still there
But no one can see

To the only soul I felt pure love


Goodbye
Till we meet again
In a another world
When I get the chance
To be your mother once again.

TRINETRA A/P VELOO


3 USM

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The poem 'FIRST TIME' effectively depicts the contrast between hope and despair through the narrator's journey from the initial joy of childbirth to the profound sorrow of loss. At the start, hope is embodied in the anticipation of motherhood, the child's first words, and dreams for their future, symbolizing a period of light and potential . However, as the narrative shifts to the unexplained bruises, silence, and behavioral changes, despair begins to overshadow hope. This despair culminates in the child's death, represented by the goodbye in place of a goodnight and the narrator's subsequent grief and guilt . Despite this overwhelming despair, the poem also points to hope through the enduring 'cord' of love and the promise of reunion in another world, juxtaposing the themes in a complex narrative of emotional resilience .

The theme of unfulfilled dreams and aspirations is central to the poem and significantly contributes to its emotional impact. The narrator embarks on motherhood with high hopes and dreams for their child's future, imagining a life filled with joy and achievements . This is abruptly thwarted by the child's untimely death, leaving the narrator to grapple with the stark reality that those dreams will never be realized. The use of phrases like "the hopes and dreams I had" and "moments that were to become a reality" emphasize the depth of this loss . The poem not only mourns the child's absence but also the loss of potential experiences and milestones that will never be shared. This theme of unfulfilled aspirations deepens the emotional impact by highlighting the permanence and depth of sorrow that accompanies the premature end of a loved one's life .

The poem weaves together the themes of hope, loss, and reunion to create a narrative rich in emotional and philosophical depth. It begins with the hope inherent in the birth and nurturing of a child, reflecting the parent’s dreams and aspirations . The sudden shift to loss, marked by the child’s unexplained behavioral changes, symbolized by the bruises and ultimate death, captures the unforeseen tragedies of life and the accompanying grief . Despite this desolation, the poem closes with a nuanced sense of future reunion, suggested by the enduring 'cord' of love and the belief in reuniting in another life . This synthesis not only underscores the resilience of parental love across life's trials but also posits a philosophical view of life as a cycle of connection, separation, and eventual unity. The interplay of these themes invites readers to reflect on the nature of love, the inevitability of loss, and the hope of reunion, contributing significantly to the poem’s emotional resonance and contemplative depth.

Guilt plays a pivotal role in affecting the narrator's emotional state throughout the poem. The narrator feels an immense sense of responsibility and failure following the child's death, despite reassurances from others that it's not her fault . This guilt manifests as a haunting presence, contributing to her grief and questioning of why the child had to leave so soon. It reflects the common psychological burden parents may feel when unable to prevent harm to their child, leading to self-blame and unresolved emotional turmoil . Ultimately, guilt amplifies the narrator's grief and longing, preventing full closure even with the hope of eventual reunion .

The poem 'FIRST TIME' by Trinetra A/P Veloo explores themes of unconditional love, hope, loss, grief, and guilt within the parent-child relationship. The emotional journey begins with the joy and hope accompanying the birth and upbringing of a child, underscored by tenderness and dreams for the child's future . As the poem progresses, it delves into the pain of witnessing the child's unexplained bruises and behavioral changes, indicating growing distance and unspecified internal struggles . The turning point is the child's departure through death, which leaves the parent feeling deep guilt and grief despite people reassuring them it's not their fault . This emotional rollercoaster demonstrates the depth of connection and love between parent and child, ending with the hope of reuniting in another life .

Imagery and symbolism in the poem vividly convey the narrator's experiences with motherhood and loss. The initial imagery of a 'ray of hope' and the 'angel being born' symbolizes the profound joy and divine connection felt at the birth of her child . The 'bruises' and 'silence' following the child's behavioral changes later symbolize the unseen emotional turmoil and eventual tragedy that unfold, reflecting themes of vulnerability and unspoken suffering . The imagery of the child 'flying far away amongst the stars' symbolizes their transition into death, highlighting the permanence of loss . The 'cord' mentioned at the end symbolizes enduring love and connection despite physical separation . Overall, these elements encapsulate the complex emotions of nurturing, loss, and eternal maternal love.

The poem's shift from joy to tragedy is significant as it highlights the fragility of life and the unpredictability of fate. The initial joy and hope associated with the birth and early years of the child establish a foundation of idealism and expectations, allowing readers to feel the pure happiness of a parent . The unexpected transition to tragedy, marked by the discovery of bruises and eventual loss, introduces a stark contrast that powerfully underscores the reality of unanticipated hardships and grief . This transition deepens the narrative, offering a poignant reflection on the complexities and transient nature of life experiences. It affects the reader's understanding by transforming the poem from a simple depiction of parental love into a profound exploration of emotional endurance and the resilience required to navigate loss and uncertainty.

The poem subtly addresses mental health issues through the depiction of the child's unexplained behavioral changes and the narrator's resulting confusion and helplessness. Clues suggesting underlying mental health struggles include the child's silence despite wails heard by the narrator and the dismissive 'I'm fine,' signalling an internal battle not visible to the outside world . The unexplained 'bruises' and 'sudden silence' when footsteps approach further hint at the secretive nature of these struggles, aligning with common signs of mental health problems in real life . The poem doesn't directly tackle the stigma surrounding mental health, but by illustrating the parent's ignorance and lack of understanding, it implicitly reflects the societal challenge in recognizing and addressing such issues. This contributes to the tragedy of the narrative and underlines the poem's emotional depth.

The poem conveys the universality of parental grief and loss by depicting an acutely personal yet relatable experience of love, hope, and sorrow. Universally resonant elements include the initial joy upon learning of and raising a child, followed by a deep, pervasive grief when that child is lost . The narrator's emotions, such as guilt despite being told she is not at fault and the lingering wish to fulfill unachieved dreams, are experiences shared by many parents who have experienced similar loss . Phrases like "leaving us behind, with tears and broken hearts" and "the hopes and dreams I had" encapsulate feelings familiar to anyone who has suffered a profound familial loss . These elements echo the enduring struggles of bereaved parents worldwide, emphasizing the shared nature of such sorrow across different cultures and walks of life.

The metaphor of the 'cord' at the poem's conclusion represents the unbreakable bond of love and connection between the narrator and her child. This 'cord,' though unseen, signifies the continued emotional and spiritual connection that transcends the physical loss of the child . It reflects the enduring nature of maternal love and how it persists despite death, highlighting themes of continuity beyond life's boundaries. The metaphor suggests that the memories and love shared create a link that not even death can sever, offering the narrator a semblance of hope and solace in the promise of eventual reunion . The imagery enriches the poem's emotional resonance, illustrating how love can endure even in the face of profound grief.

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