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Obesity: Causes and Dietary Solutions

The document grades a two paragraph problem-solution text on obesity. For paragraph 1, the topic sentence introduces obesity but could be more specific, while development discusses factors but lacks depth. The conclusion restates the problem. Mechanics have minor errors. For paragraph 2, the topic sentence presents a solution but could be more specific, while development effectively discusses benefits but could provide more examples. The conclusion summarizes benefits but could reinforce commitment. Mechanics are good with minor improvements. The total score is 80/100 and it is likely the text was written by an upper-intermediate English learner.

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klapiichuk.anastasiia
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16 views4 pages

Obesity: Causes and Dietary Solutions

The document grades a two paragraph problem-solution text on obesity. For paragraph 1, the topic sentence introduces obesity but could be more specific, while development discusses factors but lacks depth. The conclusion restates the problem. Mechanics have minor errors. For paragraph 2, the topic sentence presents a solution but could be more specific, while development effectively discusses benefits but could provide more examples. The conclusion summarizes benefits but could reinforce commitment. Mechanics are good with minor improvements. The total score is 80/100 and it is likely the text was written by an upper-intermediate English learner.

Uploaded by

klapiichuk.anastasiia
Copyright
© All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

Problem Solution Paragraph Writing Test

Klapiychuk Anastasia

Group 142

Total score:80/100

I would like you to grade the problem solution text, consisting of two paragraphs. The problem
solution text is assigned a rating from 0 to 100 with 100 being the highest and 0 the lowest.

Score the written text on the following rubric:

Paragraph 1

Topic sentence maximum 10

Paragraph Development/Paragraph body maximum 20

Concluding Sentence maximum 10

Mechanics including grammar, lexical choice maximum 10

Paragraph 2

Topic sentence maximum 10

Paragraph Development/Paragraph body maximum 20

Concluding Sentence maximum 10

Mechanics including grammar, lexical choice maximum 10

Provide the total score

Provide specific suggestions on how to edit the paragraph to make it better for each rubric
category.

Give specific examples on how to improve the paragraph to make it better.

Provide sentences and words that would make the paragraph better structured.

Tell me how likely it is that an upper intermediate learner of English as a foreign language wrote
this text using the scale from 0 to 100 with 0 representing “absolutely unlikely” and 100
“absolutely likely.”

Obesity is a disorder that is caused by collecting of fat tissues in our body. Many factors can
lead to this problem. For example:regular overeating, inactive lifestyle and health diseases.
Unfortunately, modern technologies and focus on convenience makes this problem thrive.
People became too lazy to walk and order a taxi or use other transport as well. Fast food
became more affordable than regular food so people of low budget consume it on a daily basis.
These meals are low in nutrition and high in fats and calories. Moreover, constant consuming of
this kind of food can be the reason of vitamin deficit, which impacts immune system and
general health.

One decision of this problem is changing a regular diet. Vegetables are high in fibers and fruits
are high in vitamins. Overall well-being is increased and people feel positive and energetic. An
important part of this solution is to be aware of what your body wants and understand when you
are hungry or not. Rich in nutrient food keeps us full for a long time what allows people to have
only 3 daily meals. By promoting this habit in your routine you will be in your best form by
staying fit and healthy

Paragraph 1:

Topic sentence: 7/10

The topic sentence introduces the issue of obesity but could be more specific in outlining the
main points to be discussed.

Example improvement: "Obesity, a prevalent health concern, arises from the accumulation of
excess fat in the body due to various factors."

Paragraph Development: 15/20

The paragraph adequately discusses factors contributing to obesity but lacks depth and
coherence in connecting these factors.

Paragraph Development: 15/20


The paragraph adequately discusses factors contributing to obesity but lacks depth and
coherence in connecting these factors.

Example improvement: Develop each factor (overeating, sedentary lifestyle, technological


advancements) with examples and explanations to enhance clarity and coherence.

Concluding Sentence: 6/10

The concluding sentence restates the problem but could offer a hint at potential solutions or
further discussion.

Example improvement: "Addressing these factors requires proactive measures and lifestyle
changes to combat the growing prevalence of obesity in society."

Mechanics: 8/10

The paragraph contains minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing.

Example improvement: Replace "focus on convenience makes this problem thrive" with
"emphasis on convenience exacerbates this issue."

Paragraph 2:

Topic sentence: 8/10

The topic sentence presents a solution to the problem of obesity but could be more specific in
outlining the approach.

Example improvement: "One effective solution to combat obesity involves making dietary
changes and adopting healthier eating habits."

Paragraph Development: 18/20

The paragraph effectively discusses the benefits of consuming nutrient-rich foods and
emphasizes the importance of mindful eating. However, it could provide more concrete
examples or evidence to support these claims.

Example improvement: Include specific examples of nutrient-rich foods and their benefits, such
as leafy greens, lean proteins, and whole grains.

Concluding Sentence: 7/10

The concluding sentence summarizes the benefits of adopting a healthier diet but could
reinforce the importance of sustained commitment to this lifestyle change.

Example improvement: "By incorporating nutrient-rich foods into your daily meals and listening
to your body's hunger cues, you can achieve long-term improvements in your health and well-
being."
Mechanics: 9/10

The paragraph demonstrates relatively good grammar and lexical choice, with minor room for
improvement.

Example improvement: Replace "keeps us full for a long time what allows people" with "keeps
us satiated for longer periods, enabling individuals."

Total score: 80/100

Likelihood of being written by an upper intermediate learner of English as a foreign language:


79/100

Common questions

Powered by AI

The effectiveness of a topic sentence can be enhanced by being specific and setting a clear direction for the paragraph. For instance, stating "One effective solution to combat obesity involves making dietary changes and adopting healthier eating habits" clearly establishes the focus on dietary solutions. Such precision helps the reader anticipate the content and align with the subsequent supporting details .

It's important for the concluding sentence to reinforce a sustained commitment to lifestyle changes because it emphasizes the long-term nature of health improvements. For example, stating "By incorporating nutrient-rich foods into your daily meals and listening to your body's hunger cues, you can achieve long-term improvements in your health and well-being" underscores the ongoing effort required for meaningful change, reminding readers that such benefits are obtainable through consistency .

The topic sentence can be improved by clearly outlining the main points to be discussed in the essay. For example, instead of stating "Obesity is a disorder that is caused by the collection of fat tissues in our body," it could specify the various contributing factors like "Obesity, a prevalent health concern, arises from the accumulation of excess fat in the body due to various factors such as overeating, sedentary lifestyle, and technological advancements." This provides a clearer framework for what the essay will address .

Grammatical improvements can include refining awkward sentences for conciseness and ensuring subject-verb agreement. For instance, replacing "keeps us full for a long time what allows people" with "keeps us satiated for longer periods, enabling individuals" enhances precision and readability. Maintaining consistent verb tenses throughout can also improve the overall coherence of the paragraph .

The concluding sentence of the paragraph could be more impactful by offering a hint at potential solutions or a call to action, rather than merely restating the problem. An improvement could involve suggesting the necessity of "proactive measures and lifestyle changes to combat the growing prevalence of obesity in society," which encourages further thought or discussion on how to address the issue .

Improving the mechanics of a paragraph involves correcting grammatical errors and refining awkward phrasing to enhance clarity. For example, replacing awkward phrasing like "focus on convenience makes this problem thrive" with a more precise version such as "emphasis on convenience exacerbates this issue" can improve readability and understanding. Additionally, ensuring subject-verb agreement and using consistent tense aids in maintaining grammatical integrity .

Coherence can be significantly improved by employing examples that concretely illustrate each point. For instance, when discussing factors like sedentary lifestyle and fast food consumption, providing statistical data or anecdotal evidence helps to exemplify and validate these points. This not only supports the narrative but also enhances the logical flow, making connections between the problem and potential solutions more seamless .

To enhance paragraph development and improve coherence, each contributing factor to obesity should be developed with specific examples and explanations. For instance, further exploring factors like overeating, sedentary lifestyle, and technological advancements with detailed examples would provide clarity and better connect these ideas. Linking technological conveniences such as the increased reliance on transport and accessibility of fast food with concrete data or studies could deepen the discussion and align with the essay's thesis .

Paragraph development can be intensified by including concrete examples and evidence to substantiate the claims about nutrient-rich foods. Discussing specific items such as leafy greens, lean proteins, and whole grains along with their nutritional benefits would better advocate the advantages of dietary changes. It is vital to relate these examples directly to improved health outcomes, which reinforces the argument for changing dietary habits to fight obesity .

Suggestions for an upper intermediate learner include focusing on expanding vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and employing varied sentence structures to improve readability. Improving coherence by using transitional phrases between ideas, and elaborating on each factor with concrete examples, also strengthens argumentation. For instance, linking the convenience of fast food to nutritional deficiencies with specific examples encourages deeper analysis. Additionally, practice with grammar exercises can help minimize errors and improve mechanics, bolstering overall communication efficacy .

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