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Kids' Hilarious Deep Thoughts Collection

Young writers offer humorous takes on life's big questions in short, pithy quotes: An 8-year-old suggests making the president's birthday a national holiday for long weekends. A 10-year-old thinks democracy is good except for letting any "yokel" vote. A 15-year-old imagines impressing ancient philosophers by lighting farts.

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0% found this document useful (0 votes)
44 views2 pages

Kids' Hilarious Deep Thoughts Collection

Young writers offer humorous takes on life's big questions in short, pithy quotes: An 8-year-old suggests making the president's birthday a national holiday for long weekends. A 10-year-old thinks democracy is good except for letting any "yokel" vote. A 15-year-old imagines impressing ancient philosophers by lighting farts.

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© All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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Subject: New!

Deep Thoughts

>From an actual newspaper contest where entrants of ages 4 to 15 were


asked to imitate "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey."

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why
I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash
clothes on the last day of their life?
--Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept
the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
--Age 13

It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's


birthday, like they do for the queen's. Of course, then we would have
a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26,
just for the long weekends.
--Age 8

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting


just any old yokel vote.
--Age 10

Home is where the house is.


--Age 6

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
--Age 13

For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then
the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's
what happens to cheese when you leave it out.
--Age 6

My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we


get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I
should have told him the truth, that most of us go to hell and burn
eternally, but I didn't want to upset him.
--Age 10

I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at
which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they
appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's
right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell
Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia,
and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have
found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic
table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with
wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.
--Age 15

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better


have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
--Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just
a lawn mower.
--Age 11
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that
the wet paint is a big fresh water lake that is the only source of
water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the
population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots.
Once there was a big fire and everyone died.
--Age 13

As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few
minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days
saved up.
--Age 7

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher.


That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
--Age 15

It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an


accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it,
the blood would be right there.
--Age 5

Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if
you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest
number you could come up with!
--Age 6

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe,
"Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't
it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"
--Age 15

Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet.
So I took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?
--Age 15

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the
looting started.
--Age 15

--
Dr. Robert F. Gragg
Naval Research Laboratory
Washington DC 20375-5320
gragg@[Link]

Common questions

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The young participants express a unique and humorous perception of time. For instance, the idea of setting aside a few minutes each day to accumulate a couple of days by the year's end reflects a simplistic yet imaginative approach to time management . Another reflection involves living each day as if it were the last, humorously suggesting a disregard for mundane tasks like laundry on one's final day . These perceptions reveal an understanding and playful critique of how time is valued and managed in daily life.

The entry about taking shoes from a man with no feet humorously reveals selfishness and a lack of empathy, critiquing certain ethical aspects of human nature. By rationalizing the act with the reasoning that the man 'really didn't need them,' it highlights a tendency to prioritize personal gain over others' predicament, underlining ethical lapses in society . This reflection uses dark humor to critique a common ethical failure—putting self-interest over compassion and altruism.

The philosophical critiques expressed in the 'Deep Thoughts' mock entries highlight a satirical view on societal norms and decision-making processes. For instance, the thought about voting for candidates born on July 3 or December 26 for extended holidays critiques the trivial reasons people might have for making significant political decisions . Similarly, the reflection about democracy allowing 'any old yokel' to vote questions the inclusivity and potential inefficacy in decision-making within democratic systems . These entries use humor to critique the superficial behaviors and underlying problems in societal structures.

The contemplation of augmenting the biggest number imaginable by five, applied to Twinkies, humorously showcases a child's exploration of mathematical infinity and cognitive development . It reflects a basic understanding of numbers and an imaginative leap into conceptualizing infinity through tangible items like Twinkies. This imaginative use of mathematical concepts illustrates a child's ability to blend abstraction with real-world objects, providing insight into their cognitive processing of math in relatable terms.

The contest entries address life after death with a mix of humor and contemplation, reflecting different sentiments. One entry describes the afterlife in a straightforward and somewhat morbid manner, explaining burial and decay but humorously avoiding the traumatic truth by suggesting eternal damnation . Another expresses a child's desire to reunite with a grandfather in heaven, albeit humorously hoping for the absence of unpleasant characteristics like the 'old-man smell' . These reflections indicate a blending of innocence, humor, and a simplistic view of the afterlife.

The entry about visualizing world peace contains subtle irony and a deeper critique of human nature. It suggests that if everyone closed their eyes to envision world peace for an hour, it would lead to a period of serenity and quiet "until the looting started" . This implies that despite idealistic visions, underlying issues like greed and chaos can disrupt peace efforts. The humor lies in the unexpected twist that a peaceful initiative could lead to disorder, challenging the notion that peace is merely an absence of conflict rather than a complex, maintained state.

The 'Deep Thought' about a bloodmobile crash reflects a paradoxical view on calamity and opportunity. Initially seen as a disaster, the potential positives are identified as having the blood immediately available to those injured . This insight reveals a perspective where opportunities and benefits can arise from unfortunate events, suggesting that situations typically perceived as negative can present unforeseen advantages. It challenges the conventional view of calamities solely as losses and encourages a broader perspective on outcomes and opportunities.

Children's reflections on democracy and presidential birthdays indicate a nascent but critical understanding of political systems and irony. They note the 'beauty' of democracy, yet mock how it allows 'any old yokel' to vote, suggesting skepticism about informed participation . The idea of altering long weekends by voting for presidents born on certain dates conveys an awareness of civic holidays' impact and subtly critiques superficial voting motivations . These insights reveal children's early comprehension of systemic structures, questioning their effectiveness and societal influence.

The entry that humorously questions whether the voice of God might sound like 'Vrrrrmmmmm' or merely a lawn mower bridges humor with insight into subjective perception . This juxtaposition highlights the challenge in distinguishing profound experiences from mundane realities. It uses humor to demonstrate how easily perception can mislead, blurring lines between the ordinary and the divine. The insight lies in subtly questioning how subjective and arbitrary interpretations can be, especially regarding spiritual or extraordinary claims.

The reflection positing that living in a nudist colony might 'take all the fun out of Halloween' humorously reflects cultural norms and biases associated with clothing and societal events . It implies that traditional activities like dressing up and trick-or-treating are inherently linked to social clothing norms. This perception highlights biases where the deviation from these norms in specific subcultures (like nudism) can make conventional customs seem irrelevant or absurd. The humor arises from drawing a contrast between culturally sanctioned festivity and subcultural lifestyle.

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