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Humour in Business Context

Humour
Humour is having a healthy and positive outlook on life.

Humour is seeing the funny side of things, even if things

are looking difficult.

Humour in Business Context

Humour may be an important tool for the manager, whether it is to spark
creativity, enable negotiation, motivate team members and help them stay
enthusiastic and have fun while working, or help when leadership skills are
needed.
By staying positive and make jokes people can reduce stress and keep the
morale high. Besides, by using humour, managers are more likely to become an
integral part of the group because humour minimizes status differences.

NOTE: But while using homour as a working tool it is important for the
manager to be aware of the differences between people,whether the difference is
gender, race, culture or sexual preference.

Humour in business is not about clowning. It is about demonstrating that you are a warm,
responsive, intelligent and considerate person.

Humour can create laughter, and like intense exercise, laughter increases brain levels of
serotonin and endorphins that can calm and relax the mind. In that more relaxed state people
are more productive.

( S. Luckey, 2008)
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Humour in Business Context
Students are welcome to contribute to this page with business jokes that can
help their colleagues smile at the foibles of businesspeople, chuckle at the
quirks of the business world, and laugh out when recognizing some of the
qualities of their own personal profile.

Business Humour and Jokes

One way to illustrate business problems is through humour. Humour allows

businesses to take a step back and see a problem applied to a situation that
appears different to their own. However on a deeper examination, one can
sometimes see similar behaviour in the organization – thus highlighting a
possible blindspot.
This page gives examples of business humour that may seem amusing
but have a grain of truth in them.

TOP TEN MANAGEMENT LIES

1."Employees are our most valuable asset."
2. "I have an open door policy."
3. "You could earn more money under the new plan."
4. "We're reorganizing to better serve our customers."
5. "The future is bright."
6. "We reward risk takers."
7. "Performance will be rewarded."
8. "We don't shoot the messenger."
9. "Training is a high priority."
10. "I haven't heard any rumours."
11. "We'll review your performance in six months."
12. "Our people are the best."
13. "Your input is important to us."
14 “You will receive two weeks training every year.”

MERGERS AND AQUISITIONS

"In some mergers there truly are synergies - though often times the acquirer pays
too much for them - but at other times the cost and revenue benefits that are
projected prove illusory. Of one thing, however, be certain: if a CEO is enthused
about a particularly foolish acquisition, both his internal staff and his outside
advisors will come up with whatever projections are needed to justify his stance.
Only in fairy tales are emperors told that they are naked."

Warren Buffet 1930-, American investment entrepreneur

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Humour in Business Context

MANAGEMENT LESSONS

Lesson Number one:

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked
him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why
not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson #1:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
______________________________________________________

Lesson Number two:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. I would love to be able to get to the top of the tree, sighed
the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my
droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the top of the tree. Soon he
was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree...

Management Lesson #2:

Bull- - - - might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
______________________________________________________

Lesson number three:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird froze and fell to the
ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The
dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy and soon began to sing
for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the
cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lesson #3:

A) Not everyone who gets you into deep - - - - is necessarily your enemy.
B) Not everyone who gets you out of deep - - - - is necessarily your friend
C) But, when you're in deep - - - - , and your warm and happy, just keep your mouth shut.
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Humour in Business Context
MANAGEMENT

A man flying in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. Reducing altitude, he spotted a man on the
ground and descended to shouting range.

"Excuse me," he shouted. "Can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him a half hour ago,
but I don't know where I am."

The man below responded: "Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above
this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North Latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West
Longitude."

"You must be an engineer," responded the balloonist.

"I am," the man replied. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what
to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

Whereupon the man on the ground responded, "You must be a manager."

"That I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going. You have made a
promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is
you are in the exact same position you were before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

THE NEW CEO IN OFFICE

Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high-tech corporation.

The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three
numbered envelopes, #1,#2, and #3. "Open these if you run up against a problem you
don't think you can solve," the departing CEO said.

Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and
Morris was catching a lot of heat. At his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He
went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your
predecessor."

Morris, the new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of
the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded
positively. Sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.

About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined
with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO
quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and
the company quickly rebounded.

After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult
times. Morris went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope.

The message said, "Prepare three envelopes."

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Humour in Business Context

YOU AND YOUR BOSS: The Subtle Differences

If you take a long time, you're slow.
But if your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.

If you don't do it, you're lazy.

But if your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.

If you make a mistake, you're a goober.

But if your boss makes a mistake, he's 'only human'.

If you take a stand, you're being bull-headed.

But if your boss does it, he's being firm.

If you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you're being rude.

But if your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.

If you do something without being told, you're overstepping your

authority.
But if your boss does the same thing, he's taking initiative.

If you're on a day off sick, you're 'always' sick.

But if your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.

If you're out of the office, you're wandering around.

But if your boss is out of the office, he's on business.

If you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.

But if your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.

DO YOU REALLY NEED ALL YOUR EMPLOYEES?

Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.

"I started a new practice last year," Linda said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least

a week off every three months.

"Why in the world would you do that?" Marion asked.

"It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without," Linda said
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Humour in Business Context

THE 3-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when
the
doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she
can utter a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front
of
Bob. After a few moments, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps
back up in the towel and goes upstairs. When she passes the bathroom, her
husband yells, "Who was that?" "It was Bob from next door," she replies.
"Oh," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:
A sales rep, administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when
they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the administration clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of PiÃa Coladas and
the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"Okay, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager immediately
replied, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

MANAGER

By three measures a manager is known:

- The thickness of the carpet in his offfice.
- The area of his desk.
- The volume of his car's engine.
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Humour in Business Context

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase..?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his
salary!!!

Dear Bo$$
In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould
be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much
$upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply :

Dear

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much
has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing
NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are
NOt sure if the United States may go into a NOther recession. After the
NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
Manager

MANAGERS
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Humour in Business Context
A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to
three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left
costs 500 dollars".

"Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man.

The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs
1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it
knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be
told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question,
"What can it do?"

To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a
thing, but the other two call him boss!"

CORPORATE MANAGEMENT
The Americans and the Japanese decided to engage in a competitive boat race.
Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big
day the Japanese won by a mile.

The American team was discouraged by the loss. Morale sagged.

Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat
had to be found, so a consulting firm was hired to investigate the problem
and recommend corrective action.

The consultant's finding: The Japanese team had eight people rowing and
one person steering; the American team had one person rowing and eight
people steering. After a year of study and millions spent analyzing the
problem, the American team's management structure was completely
reorganized. The new structure: four steering managers, three area
steering managers, and a new performance review system for the person
rowing the boat to provide work incentive.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles!

Humiliated, the American corporation laid off the rower for poor
performance and gave the managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
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Humour in Business Context