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Researcher(R)-So firstly, thank you for participation in my research. So my research topic

will be about, committing nssi , nssi means non-suicidal self-injury. So, committing nssi due
to parental or family induced. So thanks for participation in the research., I've already asked
about your permission, but I would also like a verbal permission to, uh, consent rather, uh, to
carry on, uh, the, my [Link], uh, there are some rules that I need to tell you before
conducting the interview. So, firstly, at any point of time if you feel, that you, you don't want
to continue with the interview anymore, you feel uncomfortable, you can say to me and we
will stop that interview. And, also, I would also like to add that, if you need any breaks in
between the interview or something like that, you can also say it to me.
Okay. So do I have your consent for the, Interview

Participant(P)- Yes.

R-Okay. So first of all, happy Diwali.

R-Happy Diwali.

R-Ok, so how was your Diwali? What did you do? Well, it was good, just a little environment
disaster. So good and enjoyed properly, but, uh, yeah, it was fine. Okay.

R-And what do you generally do in yours? If there was rainfall, right? Yes. So yes. So what
do you generally do in your als if there was no rainfall, what you have done?

P-I love to make Rangolis and, um, I actually decorate my own house with lights and, uh,
candles of course. And, uh, I like to do my own makeup, capturing photos and that's it.

R-Mm-hmm. . So, uh, now coming to the surrounding areas of, of the topic.
So like, since uh, you like capturing photos you like on doing all this, uh, do you think you
perceive like through like life sets up and downs, right? So can you share some of your
experiences like, uh, where you felt in this, this experience have been life changing? And
then there were also some experiences that, uh, that are makes us bad days that, uh, so do you
feel like, what are the, can you share some experiences regarding that?

P-Regarding what? I mean like ups and downs, you're talking about ups and downs.

R-Yes. Ups and downs. Some, uh, few ups and downs are major ups and downs that have
changed your way of thinking towards life.

P-Um, uh, I wasted a load of years, uh, like my, um, I, I was, uh, trying to crack NEET and,
uh, then I failed again and [Link] that was, uh, pretty disappointing for my parents, for
myself also. So, yeah. Uh, then I chose, uh, psychology and now I'm doing it, and that's the
thing that actually changed my life. And you're, if you're talking about ups and downs, those
are the downs. And now it's like the ups are going on, so, Yeah.
[Link], Hmm. Going more into it. So, uh, I saw that you are, uh, you told about your
downs. So can you share also some experiences like your, uh, things in life that, uh, have
proper propel do? You're saying that UPS are happening right now, so what are those things?

P-Um, I'm happy with myself and, uh, like, um, I have some friends and, uh, they are
supporting me right [Link], and also, um, I told you like, uh, I was trying to crack
something and I couldn't, and now that, uh, I'm doing something in my life. So, yeah, that's
other positive things right now.

R-Has it ever occurred to you that, uh, you didn't feel like continuing, uh, with your life or,
uh, you just didn't want it to the bad face to end has it ever occur to You?

P-Um, yes. I mean, not exactly. I mean, I can say that I wanted to, um, specifically I want to
go for suicide or ending my life specifically. I never thought of that, but, harming myself or
like, uh, nothing is going right and uh, maybe I'm just a bad luck or, something like
everything is, happening that is bad and it, it'll happen again.
Um, bad thing happens with me only those are the thoughts that actually those are like
intrusive thoughts in my minds. Um, so yeah.

R- So, uh, you said that you are having some intrusive thoughts in your mind, uh, regarding
that you won't be able to do this and you feel so, how has that affected you in general?

P-Mm, pretty bad sometimes because, uh, every day is not the same, right? So when, um, I'm
already down and, uh, everything is happening that is bad or not good for my situation,
particularly, uh, at that point of time, I feel like that I can't take it anymore. And, maybe, uh,
maybe I should do something to distract myself and that do something is not the good thing.
Like, I know some people, I know some friends, uh, those people are like, if, if you can just,
continue with your hobby and, you can distract yourself by that also, like, pursuing your
hobby and, just, , dance or do your singing and, or learn something new that will help you.
But, uh, I think in my case, um, I'm a pessimistic person I guess so, , it's, it's, it never worked
for me. The positive things. Every time the negative thoughts are, Those are the dominant
thoughts. So that is why I did, I mean, I'm not ashamed or I'm not regretting, but definitely I
did some really bad things.

R-Okay. So, uh, was this just the phase after you not getting into your exams or has this
happened, uh, earlier also before you're trying to, uh, crack, uh, this nNEET exam?

P-No, uh, it happened before.

R-So, uh, so you're saying that, when you, uh, feel stressed, you try to cope with it through, u
trying, mechanisms that includes self harm, right? Yes. Uh, so, uh, I mean, uh, have you
tried using other coping strategies, that your friends have? as you have said, your friends have
mentioned thatHave you tried using those coping strategies?

P-Uh mm Yes. I've tried something positive and negative both. I mean, rather than the self-
harming I try to use, um, uh, I mean, some substance use, like alcohol and all. I try to, uh,
drink alcohol and forget about it. And also like, I try to do shopping, like to distract myself.
I, I am a shopaholic. And, um, even in that case, it was harming me, not, uh, physically or
mentally, but definitely financially. Um, it was harming me because,I, I remember one time I
did shopping for like 30 or 40,000 in a month. So yeah, at, at that point of time, I, I felt like
no, no, no, this is, uh, becoming another, uh, type of addiction, so I should stop.

R- Okay, so now, uh, We are going, going to talk about, uh, some of your injuries. Okay. Is
that fine?

P- Yeah, it's fine.

R- Are you, are you comfortable till now?

P-Yes. I'm pretty comfortable. I mean, everyone can see those cars and also, Yeah, I think I, I
wanna talk about,

R-Okay, so firstly, how severe were your injuries?

P-Uh, sometime it's, uh, pretty deep cuts and, um, sometimes it's, uh, not that deep.
It depends, um, I mean, uh, only the sharpness of the blade because, the blade is not always
available to me. Mm-hmm. Um, but definitely, uh, like whenever I, mean, it's like an
addiction only when I need to do it. I, uh, I try to find like a sharp object and then I cut
myself on the wrist, most probably the wrist because, uh, um, there are times when I actually
cut my, uh, needs and, uh, thighs and, also like the other parts of my body.
But, uh, those are the rare cases. Most of the time it's my left hand. And, actually there is a
thing, I, I, I mentioned it before. I don't wanna die. Okay. So it, it is, and I mean, always it's
in the back of my mind that I don't wanna cut myself to death. I don't wanna cut myself, uh,
cut my nerve or vein or anything. So I always try to cut my hand, like, uh, elbow side or like
in, in the middle part of my wrist and elbow. Those are the parts. Uh, most of the time I, I cut
myself there only. So, uh, yeah. So those, those are deep Sometime, uh, sometime I feel like
that, uh, I need to, uh, stitch the wound, but, um, I never went to hospital or, any medical help
for any kind of medical help.I always like, um, putting some medicine or like any betaine or
anything, the, the primary treatment, whatever. So I put that and I waited for like, um, the
blood is going to, stop flowing and, uh, then. That is the thing. I took the, uh, bandages and,
then I wrapped myself up and, then wherever I want to go, I mean, like college or market or
wherever but I, I actually, uh, don't tell anybody that I did it most of the time. I may, uh, wear
full sleeve, um, tops or whatever the dress is. I try to cover it up that people can see, um,
almost of the time if I can't wear, uh, uh, full sleeve top or anything, I, uh, it's not available at
that time. So I try to put, uh, crep bandage or something like that. And, uh, whenever, like
people are asking me that, what happened to your hand? I told them like, it's some fracture or
like, I hurt myself in the train or something like that. So,

R-Okay, so if I'm not wrong, so you want to cut yourself [Link] for the pain right? And not
to die?

P-Yes. Okay.

R-So, uh, tell me one [Link] you use only blade, right?

P- Hmm, That is actually available, Yeah.

R- Okay. Has it ever occured that blood was not available and you tried to cut with some
another thing?
P-Yes, the paper cutter once. Paper cutter.
S-So, uh, one more thing I would like to ask that you said that you cover it up and go outside.
Okay. And then, uh, I again, uh, uh, as I've understood from what you've said, that um, you
don't go to medicine shops to put medicines, right?

P-No. Uh,

R-why is that? Why don't you seek help from others while you are vulnerable?

P- Uh, it isn't it obvious? I mean, obviously they're gonna ask questions and everybody is not
the same if you are going for help, okay? like you are doing psychology or, um, like if I'm
going to a therapist, uh, she or he will tell me what to [Link] can I control myself or how
can I control myself harm or something like that. I am pretty okay with that when people are
understanding the situation and not, being judgemental. But, um, even if you are going to a
doctor, like for, for primary treatment, not talking about Like all the doctors, but most of
them, like if you are going, they will tell you people are dying from cancer and this and that.
Uh, and of course you have nothing. Okay? You, you are, you are, um, uh, pretty okay. You
have, uh, no disabilities, I mean physical disabilities. And, um, you, you are a pretty woman,
you, you are this, you are that. So why are you doing this? Okay? So that is like, um, create
more pressure on me and when I'm already mentally disturb. that thing happened to me
already twice rice. So, uh, I don't wanna go through that again and again, it's, it's just, um, it's,
um, I, I, I just need my mental peace and that is why I, I'm cutting myself, okay? I'm taking
that pain just because I want some mental peace. And they're the doctors or like other people,
they are judging you are telling you what to do, what not to [Link]'re not the experts. And
they are telling you just by saying that you can do this, why are you cutting yourself? Okay?
And so, Those. I mean those comments tho those are like the things that actually, um, it's, it's
very, uh, negative. So I already have a lot of negative thoughts in my head, so I don't want
more negativity from [Link] that is why I never seek for help, like medical health actually.

R-Okay, fair enough. So, uh, uh, as I've understood from what you said, I'mreiterating that,
uh, you feel that the, if you seek out help in that vulnerable street, people would, uh, rather
than, uh, looking after your problems, they would try to make less of your problems, right?

P-Mm-hmm. . Okay. I'm just asking.

R-So, uh, now, uh, can you tell me that, uh, when was the first time, , You, , started, uh, using
this, as a coping mechanism?

P-Mm, when I was 14.

R-You are 14. Okay. Uh, can you, if it's fine with you, can you like, tell me more about, why
did you start? It's, it's completely up to you if you want to answer this question or not.

P- I started it because, uh, that was the age I think I was, studying in seventh Standard. And,
that was a time I actually, um, math was a like, very difficult subject for me. I hate math
personally. And, um, that time I was trying hard to, like solve my math problems and all.
But, um, actually, um, That was not going [Link], um, when the result came in the school
results, um, suddenly, um, I was a good student. Not the best, as best, but definitely I was a
good student. Um, and, uh, suddenly my result was, um, so bad, so bad. It was, almost I
failed. So, uh, when I saw my mark sheet, the first thought came into my mind that, what will
my father say?

So I loved him so much. So like, I was scared that if, he's gonna find out about that and, he's
going to like, uh, scold me or like, um, basically, uh, he's not going to be happy. That was my
first concern. And, so I came and, um, I was just 12, and, um, I was like, okay. Um, the
result was good. Everything was good. and that, that, that happened then, uh, obviously
Marksheet came, and they saw my original marks. And just for that reason, I don't know. My
father was really angry with me and he stopped talking to me now, he was a very important
person in my life. I mean mm-hmm. fathers are important to daughters most of the time
Yeah. He was really important. And, when he stopped talking to me, I felt like okay, he was
really angry and I think I, I had to do something better so he will be okay. Mm-hmm. , there
was, there was hope actually, but, two year passed and, um, When I was 14, I, uh, went for,
uh, shopping and, uh, uh, in a local train. Like, in, a random man, aged man. Actually, he
assaulted me. I couldn't do anything, but, I mean, when he escaped and, um, I told my
parents that he did that to me. Um, my father just, uh, calmly said that, um, you know, that
happens. It's very normal. You don't have to like, um, don't have to shout or make a big deal
about and deal out of [Link] that was the point. I felt like he wasn't just angry. I'm dead to
him. Okay. And that was a big shock. I couldn't took it. And I came to my house. That was
the first time I hurt myself. So that was the starting.

R-Okay. Mm, a little farther. So, I would ask you like, um, while you were cutting yourself or
when you went home, what made you to do that?I mean, uh, did you have seen any, uh,
things like how did you get that idea of cutting yourself or even how did you knew that
cutting yourself would relieve the pain? Because you said it, it works for you in that way. So
how did you knew it would work out for you the first time?

P-No. Um, I. I mean, it's not like planned or [Link] just happened. I, I really need to
hurt myself. You, you see people sometimes when, uh, you are very angry and, uh, you are
punching your pillow. You don't know that, uh, that will, um, that will give you some relief
or not. You're just punching that because that just your reflex. So same thing happened to me.
It's just, uh, there was a blade and um, here I'm sitting and uh, suddenly I cut myself and I felt
like this physical pain or this, blood, it's, uh, I mean, seeing that blood is coming out of my
own, that is like giving me some relief. That is giving me some, um, Kind of, uh, distraction
that I, I don't have to think about that incident instead of that I can think about this only.
So yeah, that's, I think the reason. Okay.

R- Uh, so, uh, when you did it, after you did it, did you apply some medicines or, or how,
how did your, uh, parents reacted to it? Did they knew about that you have committed it?

P-Yeah. First time they knew.

R-Yeah. And how, how did they reacted it, your mother or your dad? How, how did they they
reacted to this whole incident.

P-My father's reaction was pretty normal. He was like, he was like, um, it happened. Just that
no reaction at all. My, um, brother got like, uh, pretty sentimental and uh, obviously mothers
are like always emotional and also, yeah, my mother reacted the way, uh, a mother can react.
R-So how would you like, um, uh, like how, how is your relation with your, uh, parents? As
of now,

P-I'm still not talking to my father. I'm not even interested and, um, I think same goes for him
and. Whenever we want to, uh, share anything. I mean, like, we need to communicate, we
communicate through, my brother or my mother. That is my relationship with my father.
And, uh, uh, right now with my mother, uh, there were differences, obviously. I mean,
because of this age gap or generation gap. , we always fight with our parents and stuff. But,
uh, definitely right now my mother is the most supportive, person in my [Link], uh, she's
supporting me like with everything, everything that I'm doing or that I want to do. She is, uh,
very supportive. And, uh, with my brother, um, obviously there are, um, uh, sibling, Fight
and, uh mm-hmm. differences. But, um, uh, I think we have a very deep and, uh, pretty cool
relationship with [Link], uh, we maintain that, um, fight and love thing. Like it, it's pretty
balanced right now, so I guess it's, it's fine.

R- So. Mm. Can you go a little bit further into the relationship of your father? Like, um, how
do you communicate or, uh, does he not talk to you about anything? Like how does the
dynamics work between you and your father?

P-Like, like I said, uh, we communicate through someone else. We never talk to each other.
We are not bothered that, um, what, what is happening or like, um, he doesn't know about my
situation.I'm not bothered about his situation. It's just, like I need his money because, um, I
have some needs, uh, for my study or like other stuff. Definitely I need some money and the
only earning member of my family is my dad. So, I need his money. And I guess, uh, he is
just, um, uh, just doing that, common responsibility, feeling that gap that, uh, okay, I, I have
to give the money or what, I mean people will say, Oh, you are not giving your money to
your [Link] are a cruel grandfather. I guess he's that person. He can. Take those
comments. So that is why, uh, he's helping me. Otherwise, there, there are, there are no
reasons that, I mean he, he, he don't love me, uh, or like, care about me or like, as I said, like
he, he is not bothered about me. What I'm doing, what I'm, what, uh, I mean, what is
happening with me?Am I sick? Am I good? Uh, am I doing my study? Uh, am I, um, uh, like,
uh, going to college or like going to a friend's house or, or like anything, anything. He doesn't
even care where I'm going, what I'm doing, what I'm eating, anything. So we are just living
together. Okay. But we have no connection and we, we are definitely not bothered about each
other.

R-Okay. And I've understood what your father feels about you, but can you tell me like, how
you feel about your father? Like, do you have expectations or anything? Like, do, have you
tried talking to him after that incident? Can you

P-Yes. I, like, I tried to talk to him like after, um, that, uh, seven stand in while [Link]-
hmm. , I tried to talk to him, but, uh, when, uh, I was 14 and that incident happened after that
I totally stopped.

R-And, uh, right now, um, what is, like, what are of feelings towards your, uh, father? Like
you have expectations that your father might talk to you one day or

P- I don't want him to talk to me. I'm okay without him. And if you are, uh, asking me what
I'm. What I feel about my father. I literally hate him. I really hate him. Like, not just, like if
you, if if you think that, uh, I, I hate him as my father, it's not just that, Um, I don't know why
this happened, but, um, when I, uh, started to observe him not as, just not as my father, uh,
but also as a, as an individual, I started to hate him more because as a person, he is not, not,
what can I say?It's, it's not just good. I mean, he is an orthodox and he's a hypocrite. Um, and
according to me, Um, he's not a good son or father or husband, uh, everywhere. He failed.
Uh, even as a human, if someone is asking me as a human, uh, rate, father, I'll give him not
win zero. It's in negatives. So yeah, that much.

R-So, uh, as you've said that your father is, um, very much not invested or doesn't know what
goes on with your life and is not even bothered, right?

P-Mm-hmm.

R- so, uh, about her brother. So what do you feel like, uh, how is your father's relationship
with her brother?

P- It's good because, um, mm-hmm. , he is the only child now for him at least. So their
relationship is pretty good. They are okay with each other.

R-So, um, have you ever felt neglected because of one, not talking to one family member
who is totally not bothered about you? Have you ever felt neglected in the house?

P-Yes, of course. And that is pretty obvious. I felt that, but uh, now, uh, I'm used to it and I
don't care about it anymore.

S-How often do you, have you felt like that?

P-Most of the time, like, uh, whenever something is, uh, not going well or not happening, I, I
felt like that only in, in, in festivals or. Where, uh, like as a family, we have to go and he is
introducing his son, but, not talking about me. Of course, those moments though, that hurts.
But, as I said, like I'm, I'm used to it right [Link]'s, it's completely fine. Now, uh, if he is like,
talking to me like, indirectly, but uh, if he is talking to me or tried to say something, I feel
like irritating or, it's very frustrating. Okay. When it, it's like, I don't wanna talk to him and I
don't want him to talk about me.

R-Ok. So, probing a little bit further about your cuts. Uh, is, uh, cutting through blood the
only form of, uh, harm have you done to yourself or have you, uh, did any other type of self
harm?

P- Uh, I burned myself once or twice. Mm. Uh, I, um, got myself with, um, glass, I mean
mm-hmm. , um, little glass pieces. Mm-hmm. . And, um, also I broke some things like pretty
expensive things in my house and, uh mm, no, nothing more than that.

R-So as you were saying that you have burnt yourself or put yourself with class, so were
then. Bit of, uh, like, uh, was it moment really, or, uh, have you, felt like that, uh, for a very
long time and you did it?

P- Um, actually I was, uh, I think very angry and frustrated and, uh, as the this so frustration
and this, uh, anger increases, I felt like I need more amount of pain in my body.
So that is why like, uh, that time I was thinking, what can I do? I mean, okay, uh, I already
cut myself, but that's not enough. So let's burn, uh, let's cut myself more, let's do this or that.
And, uh, one thing led to another and that.

R-So with every passing time, you want to increase the, um, physical pain to cope with it,
right? So, uh, after you've done it, you have done it multiple times, you were saying mm-
hmm. . So after you've done it, can you explain like the feeling that that you had before and
after your cut or burning yourself? Like, how did you felt after doing it?

P-Like, uh, previously, before doing it, Uh, how was in which state you were and after doing
it, in what state of mind you were actually, um, uh, the situation has changed, uh, like a little
bit, but it changed because, um, previously when, uh, I went through all of this, um, I cut
myself and then, um, I think [Link], I shouted. And, like, people were trying to like, calm
me down and, um, uh, I was completely like, um, not eating food or not drinking water for
days and, uh, locking myself in the room. So, actually, uh, I don't know, but, uh, that time,
uh, people knew that I'm doing something, u I'm doing something means, uh, something is
happening in the room and I'm not happy.I'm, I'm not doing great. Um, maybe I'm depressed
or maybe I'm sad. That much idea they had initially, but now situation has changed that, um,
They doesn't even know that, I'm upset and, uh, what hap what is happening with me? Uh, as
I said, like I cut myself silently. I feel the relief that, uh, okay, fine, this happened now.
Okay. It's, it's something like, um, uh, it's like taking drugs. Like, uh, if you are not taking it
and you are craving for it, and, uh, suddenly when, when finally, uh, you are taking it, it, it's
like, Numbing your nerves and you, you are feeling that, Okay, fine, now I'm good. It's like
that only, now I feel like that I pray for [Link] I, I feel like that, okay, fine, I have to
do it, and I do it. Then I feel like, okay, now I guess I can continue so I don't cry. And
sometimes people doesn't even know what is going on. Uh, I, I don't stop, uh, eating food or
drinking water. I follow my routine normally. I pretend that I'm completely okay.
I laugh with people. Uh, even sometime I'm, it happened that I'm going to a party and, uh,
uh, I'm just, uh, dancing with friends, shouting with friends, and, Like, people can't even say
that. okay, fine. This girl is depressed or something, or this girl is doing something. It's just
pretty [Link] is happening, it's just me. so yes, that's, that's the situation. Like
initially, those days, those days were like, um, uh, when I was shouting and all, I, I felt like
after, after a certain point of time, I felt like people, people are thinking that maybe, maybe
this girl is doing it for attention or relief, and I stop, completely, stop at least in front of them,
according to them, I [Link], uh, now I do it alone and, uh, I feel relieved. And that is that.

R-So as you've said that, uh, you feel relieved. Can you, can you go a bit further, like with an
instance, uh, where you can say like, uh, where you can explain that, , how the situation, like,
uh, what happened after you did it? Like, uh, how the situation, the situation you were in
before and after. If it's not too triggering for you, like if you can speak about it, if you're
comfortable, then can you please, like talk about it a bit further?

P-Bit further means

R-as in like, um, suppose. Before committing the act, the state of mind in which you were,
and after committing the, uh, cuttings, uh, the state of mind in, uh, which you were, uh, you
were, like you said, uh, the word relieved. You feel relieved after cutting. So what mood, like
what else did you feel before and after?Like, like that? If it's not too triggering, obviously
P-just, uh, before cutting myself, definitely I feel, feel stressed, pressured, and most of the
time helpless. Uh, hopeless. Uh, I feel like, that, um, there is nothing that I can do right now
that hopelessness and I also know that there is nobody, uh, I mean, Nobody can help me in
this situation with this [Link] that is why I need to do, I, I need to act. But, um, I also
feel that, uh, I don't have the energy to act it out. So that is why whenever like I'm cutting
myself, I feel relieved. I mean that stress reliever kinda, so I feel relieved. And when that
stress is not in my head, I feel like, okay, now I have the energy.I guess now I can think and I
can act. So that is why like every time when I'm cutting myself, um, after that, I, I feel like,
okay, now I think I, I, I can deal with this. Every day, you know? Yeah. And, and, um, you
know, it's, that is why it's pretty addictive. Like even right now, I know that, when I'm feeling
helpless, hopeless and, upset and, and all the negative feelings out there together whenever,
So I'm like, Yes, [Link] is the moment. If I'm doing it, definitely I'm gonna, it's like Red
Bull to me and I need to drink it like coffee or Red Bull, and I'm gonna, I need some energy
for like my further work or whatever I'm doing that time. So, yes, that's the reason.

R-So after you've done it, uh, you feel more, uh, as you said, that helpless, hopeless, you feel
before that?

P-After I feel more confident.

R-Okay. So you have said that, uh, this has almost become like an addiction to you. So, uh,
have you like, uh, have there been instances where, uh, there wasn't any frustrating even, but
still have you have, uh, tried to cut yourself or you have thought about cutting yourself in any
manner or not only cutting, like indulged in any form of self unbe burning or throwing
objects?

P-When,

R-when, like you have said that most of the times you did it because you felt helpless,
hopeless because of the mm-hmm. , uh, stress around your environment. Right. So, have
there ever been an instance where, uh, there was no stress, but you still felt like doing it
anyways?

P-Not really. Uh, I mean, maybe one time, uh, but I didn't do it.I mean, like, um, it's an
addiction definitely. But, uh, uh, I never did it just because, uh, I want to do it. Um, it's just
always whenever, um, I'm feeling that much negative. Only those were the times I cut myself.
It's, it, it never happened. Like, uh, I, I just wanna cut myself because I didn't cut myself, uh,
like four days or four months. So let's cut myself now. Mm. It's, it, it never happened.

R-Okay. And, uh, have you ever even thought about cutting yourself? Like, uh, uh, if you
have not cut it yourself for a few months or days? So have you ever felt like you need to cut
yourself, even if I've not acted upon it, but have you ever thought about it in that way?

P- Mm,rarely, but I guess yes, uh, once, but it's, it's a very rare situation,

R-so, uh, there are, uh, being in our life, uh, there are many stress, right? Uh, like as I've said
that you couldn't get into need. And, uh, then, uh, you are studying individuals. So there are
exam stress, test stress, various stress that we have to face in our day to day lives. So like,
Have you used this, uh, coping mechanism as a means to your daily stress also?
P-No. Never.

S- So what are the primary, like when is the primary aspect, do you use this coping
mechanism? Like how do you identify that this stress? I need to, uh, cut myself to get, relief
and, uh, for this stress, I, I shouldn't do that. How do you identify the differences?

P-Yes. Because those stress you're talking about is just as you said, uh, like daily life stress.
Those are not the triggers. My trigger is the emotional exhaustion. Emotional exhaustion.
That is the only thing that can trigger that thing. And if I'm emotionally exhausted and bad
things are happening continuously, and there is nothing I can do about it because I already
did something that that lead to, I mean, this situation or, um, maybe even, even if I did
nothing, just, just situation is out of [Link] that time I, I need to do it because emotionally
I'm exhausted. And if I'm emotionally exhausted, I can't think straight. So, um, when, when
I'm actually distracting myself by cutting my hand or harming myself, that actually, uh, uh,
it's like, uh, energy conversion. Like one energy converting to another. It's like my mental
pain or mental [Link] becomes the physical pain or physical stress. I can handle that. My
physical pain, I can handle that, but I think I'm pretty weak to handle my mental pressure and
mental exexhaustion. So I can’t take that, that's my trigger. Mental exhaustion.

R-Okay. So are you okay till now? Yes, I'm pretty fine. Okay. So would you like to continue
with the topic or do you need some, uh, break?

P-No, no, we can continue.

R-Okay. Very well. So as I've said that it is the emotional trigger that generally makes you do
it. So, um, when do you like. I would like to understand more about your, like, when, when
does it trigger, when does it goes into your emotional trigger aspects? Like what are the
things that emotionally makes you vulnerable to it?

P-Mm. Mostly when my close people, uh, uh, they can't understand my situation or, um, like
I'm alone or I'm feeling lonely. Mm-hmm. because, um, uh, see, um, that much matured that
I know people have their own life and obviously they have some work and, uh, they need to
do it. Nobody can, uh, like fulfill my need for attention or like, um, those kinds of things.
They, they can fulfill it all the time. Okay. If I'm talking to my friends also, um, There are
certain point of times, I mean, they have to go, they have to do their own work. So at that
time, if I'm feeling totally lonely and something is in my mind that, um, continuously
bothering me, but I can’t share it with anyone, uh, that also a trigger I can say.
I mean, like, um, I try to talk to my friends or my mom, uh, when I'm, uh, feeling this, I
mean, initially I'm feeling that, okay, I'm upset and, uh, it's, it's, uh, actually, uh, pretty bad.
It's getting pretty bad. I try to talk, but if nobody is there and, um, It's increasing and
continuously it's happening. And, uh, then another stress, I mean external, something that
came and, um, it, it, it just, it just happened.
Hmm. That whole, I mean that, uh, total pressure that, that I can take. If I can share, I think I
can control myself, but if there is no one, I think, um, it's work like a catalyst

R- you have said that, uh, when people in your, uh, near you cannot, uh, in your family space
cannot understand you, right. That access emotion triggers. So, uh, who, who. Put it into
these areas that, that might lead you to, uh, that will as a trigger for you when they don't
understand your situation.
P-Uh, like my mom,if she's not responding on or she can't understand my situation, then
definitely it triggers me and then my brother or then come my, uh, very small, uh, circle like,
uh, group of friends, my best friends, even my boyfriend.

R-Okay. So, um, you don't, put your father into that circle, right? So has it ever offered that,
um, because [Link] of your father or your close circle that, um, you have committed, uh,
this, as a coping strategy? Like, can you give some examples of where you have done it, if
you have done it? That is, if you're comfortable with sharing.

P-I, I didn't understand. I mean, what are you exactly asking?

R-So what I'm asking is that, uh, I heard that you, you don't consider your father into your
close circle, right?

P-Yes.

R-So has it ever occurred that, um, because of your, uh, father or, uh, uh, have you father, not
specifically father, but also other members into that circle that you have committed, uh, this,
uh, act as a coping strategy? Like, can you give one example of where you have done it, uh,
and how they responded to it?

P-Um, my father never responded. That is why he is, um, he is like out of my life right now.
But, uh, these are the people. Um, they hurted me and that is very normal. People can't
always pamper you or love you the way you want, but um, yes, um, they hurted me, but then
I saw, or I absorbed one thing that those people do [Link]. But my father doesn't. The
difference, the only difference I can see that, uh, even they are hurting me emotionally. Uh,
they are, they are actually discussing, They are actually talking to me and they are saying that
what went wrong? Where, I mean, is, was it my fault or was it their fault? If it is their fault,
they are saying, Sorry if it's my fault, they try to explain.
So I think that's, that what matters, because if you care, uh, then you'll talk. And, uh, one
thing I I have understood by my father's action that if you don't care, then mm-hmm. , you are
not even bothered that what they're doing or um, what they're feeling about you. Um, yes,
that is why they are close. They are close to my heart and, uh, my father is nothing.

R-Okay. So, how is your, uh, like how would you say that, can you, like, would you rather
say that your parents control your life and like, how much control do you have over your life?

P-Mm, 30, 40 by percent I guess because, uh, of course they are giving me money. Mm-
hmm. , my mother never tried to control me.U m, I mean, I never felt like that, that she's
trying to control the opposite, I guess. Uh, she, uh, she always, um, pushed me to explore or,
and grew, but, um, I think my father tried to control. For a very long time. Right now he's not
directly controlling me, but indirectly, definitely sometimes he's like, um, uh, if you need my
money, so you have to do this or [Link]-hmm. Sometimes I have to do that because, um, I
need that money. Mm-hmm. , uh, so yeah, those 30-40% of my life, um, that's actually, uh,
definitely he's controlling that. Other than that, um, I, I actually escaped, uh, and this, uh,
another 60% of my life. I try to explore, I try to grow by myself. Whenever I feel low or
something, I try to, uh, try to like, um, Talk about it with my friends and other people.
So, yes.
R-So how do you feel about that? Your father is trying to control you? How do you feel about
it? You said you have tried to run away from your home, so like, how do you feel about it?

P-Suffocating first. Frustrating, disgusting hatred.

R-And uh, so as you have run away, so how, what was your parents's reaction when they like,
saw or heard about it or when you return?

P- Actually you can skip your home if you don't have any money. And all the money that I
have, that's my father's, uh, when I escape. I took his credit card only, and, uh, after some
days, uh, he knew where was I, uh, because of the credit [Link], uh, he called the hotel.
And, um, I mean, uh, my mom called me and she said, uh, come home, or your father will
like, uh, close the credit card and then a lot of thing can happen. Mm-hmm. . So, yes. Uh, as I
said, like that 30, 40% control is in like his hands. So yes. Uh, I came back and, um, those are
the times like I, I, I felt like, okay.
Nothing is in my hand. Right. It's just, um, everything he's controlling me, at least financially,
the definitely he's controlling.

R-So when you escaped from your home, uh, what ran through the back of your mind? Like,
uh, what did you wanted to escape from your home?

P-Mm. Because I know, um, I'm hurting myself too much and, uh, I didn't want it to harm
myself physically [Link]-hmm. . So I tried to find another route, I guess.

R-So why did you like, um, try to run away? Like, uh, what were the, what were the reasons,
uh, for you to take, um, the step?

P-It's just, um, They, um, they wanted me like, um, to agree with the fact that, um, I'm gonna
marry the boy that my father will choose and, uh, I'll never do any love marriage or, uh, will
never go for, uh, love or any boyfriend or anything. Mm-hmm. . So that was too much. I
mean, it's my life, it's my decision. I felt like that was too much.
So I skipped.

R-So was this a singular event or do you have done it multiple times?

P-Multiple times. Okay. It was, uh, like was the event on the similar instance or there were
varying reasons? Mm. Most of the time it's, it's the same reason. Okay. Yeah. So, uh, as I've
understood from you that, uh, you have been, uh, like focusing really on the, uh, money part
that, uh, you need your father's money.

R-So, um, would it be safe to assume that, uh, if you have enough money right now that you
would, uh, leave the house?

P-Um, right now I don't think I can survive without my father's money. Mm-hmm. right
now, I, I don't think I can escape from my house. Uh, but, um, I don't know. I think, uh, in
near future maybe there is a chance.

R- So you feel that many of our problems are because of the, uh, because you don't have
enough money.
P-Right. And having enough money would help to solve many of them. Uh, I can say our life,
but in my life, definitely money will solve a lot of problems.

R-Okay. So, um, how much supporter do you feel your family is towards you?

P-I told you about my father. He's not, I mean, I don't know what to say. It is just, um, uh,
there is no word in his dictionary. I mean, support word there, there is nothing like that. But
yes, my mother and my brother, they are fully like, very supportive, very, very supportive.

Even when he's not supporting me with anything, particularly, my mother always tried to
support me. Even it is, uh, something with my financial problem. Even with that, my mother
tried to help me a lot of time, although she is a housewife, so obviously, um, she's not
capable. Uh, that, I mean, if, if, if she is, uh, trying to arrange that much money, she, she
can'[Link], uh, definitely, uh, she is still, she's trying to support me with everything.

R-So, is your father's attitude, uh, only towards you like this or is it in general,

P- he is like this, in general, he's like this because, um, the exact thing he did to, uh, his, um,
uh, sister also because she, uh, ran away, uh, because she, um, she was in love with someone
and, um, she wanted to marry that person. And she did actually. So for that, um, he stopped
talking to her, even cut all the relationship with her. So it's not just me, like with everyone,
uh, like a person. If, uh, if he or she is not listening to him, he's like, just. Stop going to
bother about that person.

R-And, uh, how does, uh, your brother gets treatment from your father? Is it that
unsupportive to also your brother also?

P-No because, uh, in India basically there is a thing, uh, sons are, you know, uh, like they are
pretty important when you are running a family. Sons are, um, the most important family
member because he's the future. He's gonna earn the money and uh, he's going to take care of
their parents. Mm-hmm. So that is why, um, he's getting the right treatment from my father.
Mm-hmm.

R-So how do you feel about that disparity that happens in your home?

P-Um, Uh, initially it was pretty, uh, irritating, frustrating. But, uh, right now I'm completely
okay with this because I know that, uh, my father is treating my brother differently, but my
brother treats me like really [Link] never treat me like that. Uh, you are the girl, child of the
family, and you should, um, you should behave like this or that. He always support me with
everything, so I'm okay with it.

R-So I'm going further into the economic part. Uh, like, how much economically stable, is
there?

P-Family is like, uh, we're pretty sorted. I'm not a managed daughter, but definitely I have a
lot of things. I'm pretty privileged.

R-And, uh, do you feel that, uh, you getting monetary control to help you solve, your
problems, regarding your life, what you think that getting more monetary control mm-hmm.
If it is not your father's money, would it help you control more aspects of your life?
P-Yes, I guess So.

R-You feel that might, uh, reduce your, uh, dependence on, uh, self injury?

P-Mm. Yes. I mean, this kind of controlling situation and controlling my life, um, when I'm
already stressed about a lot of things, uh, when this, uh, controlling part came into my life
and, uh, I feel like, Okay, I need something. I, I, I need this money for this.

I, I mean, like, for valid reason, I'm not talking about, uh, shopping or girly stuff. I'm just
saying that, uh, when I need the money for my, something that is very important to me, uh,
even that time, if someone is giving me a condition that if you will do this only then I'll give
you the money. Mm-hmm. That, that feels like it's, it's pretty disgusting.

R-So that somehow, uh, affects you, right?

P-Yes, of course. Okay.

R-Suppose on a scale of one to 10, uh, how much would you rate yourself on your self
confidence?

P-See, uh, I told you that, uh, that 30, 40% control that I, I don't have, but, uh, that 60%
control, obviously I [Link] when you have one people who is like, um, stopping you from
doing anything, but you have like four or five people in your life, those people are
continuously supporting you and, um, they are pushing you towards the positive thing. So all
this, obviously, the ratio of this thing is definitely increasing.
Um, So this is why I feel more confident. I feel that I'm still exploring myself, but whatever
I'm doing right now, uh, sometimes as we, like, we started talking about ups and downs, I
guess. And, uh, those, those were the incident when I was pretty down with my life. But right
now, yes, there are all the ups with me and, um, I feel pretty confident and, uh, I feel good
about [Link] I'm not saying I'm completely okay. Definitely there are some things, but,
um, I think I, I can handle it. Right now, I'm that much confident that I can say at least myself
that, uh, okay. I can go on.

R-Uh, when was the last time you, uh, committed, this self- harm on yourself?

P-I guess it's been months I can't even remember.

R-So, um, going back again into the scale question part. So out of one to 10, uh, how much
do you believe in your own capabilities, how much confident are you in your own capabilities
to perform an action?

P-Um, five.

R- Okay. So, uh, how do you feel about your own future? Like, uh, uh, what do you see
yourself, uh, in a few years?

P- Um, I feel like that, um, my future is not very secure because of the financial issue. Only if
there is no financial issue, I know I can work it out and, um, I will achieve what I have
already started that my, uh, for study or higher [Link], I, I will go there, but, uh, if there is
any financial problem or any kind of this, uh, family issue, um, I think, um, there will be a lot
of problems. So that is why I'm, I'm not completely sure. I, I can't see myself.

R-Yeah. And Uhhuh, have you ever thought of using other coping strategies? Uh, instead of,
uh, self-harm, like coping more, trying out more positive strategies like gardening and, uh,
pets and all that?

P- Oh, I love pets. I have a lot of pets. I take care of them. Um, I never tried gardening
exactly, but, um, uh, this other positive thing is just, it's just very, uh, common things for me.
I do it normally. I, I, I don't, um, I don't use this kind of things. Uh, my, uh, cope as my
coping, coping mechanism. Mm-hmm. , it's just very normal with me if I'm, uh, like taking
care of my. It's not because of, uh, it's my coping mechanism. It's not because of that I'm
feeling low. Uh, it's just, it, it, it comes very naturally to me.

R-So, Have you ever been to a therapist multiple times? Has that worked out for you?

P-Uh, with medicines they tried to come me and, uh, uh, I guess those medicines just, um, uh,
did the work or something. But, uh, after that, again, something happened. And again, um,
my mind was just disturb. And again, that's, I mean, it's like a cycle only.

R-Okay. Thank you so much for helping me through to get the data . Yeah. Done. So are you,
are you comfortable. Yes, Yes, I'm completely fine. Thank you so much for being part of this
experiment. You're welcome.