This is a story about the first year of my relationship with the girl I love.

I suppose it starts back in July 2017. She was dating my best friend at the time, they were in a
relationship for a few weeks and it ended on bad terms. While they were dating I had only seen
her one time, I didn't really say much to her as I am a very shy and socially awkward person. I
think I managed to get a few hellos out but nothing more than that.
The next time I met her was on the 31st of October. To be honest I don't really remember that
night much since I was black out drunk for the majority of it. By that time things seemed to be
ok between her and my friend and that's how I started talking to her more.
In late November we were all talking in group chats, online I am a lot less awkward and am able
to talk to other people, so this was a great way for me to start talking to her.
As I started to become more friendly with her I started to realize that she's not how my best
friend made her out to be at all.
We started to hang out more, and the more time I spent with her the closer I felt to her. There are
quite a few people in our friends group, I couldn't quite explain why. But I felt like I had some
sort of bond with her, like I could connect with her in a way that I couldn't with the other people.
Usually I hate it when people hug me, but when she did it always felt warm and comforting.
Where our relationship progressed was on new years eve, I had one of my depressive episodes
and ended up leaving all of the group chats I was in. At the time I just felt really lonely, as if I'm
destined to never be happy.
She ended up private messaging me, asking what was wrong and why I was feeling like that.
There's only a few people that know how much of a shit show my childhood was, I felt
comfortable with talking about it with her. And she seemed to have the perfect response to
everything. After a while I felt a little better about myself and I will never forget some of the
things that she said to me that night.
I had quite a few opportunities to tell her that night. I ended up getting too nervous and I couldn't
do it. I really did want to do it in person. But I ended up telling her how I felt online, I don't think
she knew how to take it. She said that it was a lot to take in and that she'd need a while to think
about it.
It took four really long and nerve wrecking days. But we agreed to meet up by ourselves and talk
about it. Something we had never done at that point. That day I was really anxious, having
stomach pains. Couldn't stop shaking, I wasn't sure if I should go. I knew that I couldn't do that
to her and went, it was quite muddy that day. We met at the train station in the town we usually
hang out in. I couldn't start a conversation for shit, thankfully she did most of the talking that
day. It was the first time I had ever spent time with another girl by myself.
We walked up a hill and sat at the top of it on a bench. It was really muddy that day, she decided
that because of how her last relationship ended. She didn't want to rush into anything and she
wanted to see how it would go before we decided on starting a relationship. We spent time
together every other day. And slowly I became more comfortable with talking to her in person.
Within a week I was able to start conversations and carry them on.

I was still really nervous though, and wasn't sure on what was acceptable. To the point where I
asked her if it was OK if I held her hand.
On the third of March it was snowing. We met up, and at this point I really wanted to know if
she could see up being in a relationship. So I asked her. And she said yes. I will never forget that
day. As a first date kind of thing we decided to watch Black Panther. I didn't really like it, but I
did get salsa on my arse due to the person previously sitting in my seat.

We still wanted to take it slowly, and we did. It took a few weeks for me to be comfortable with
kissing her. The first time I kissed her was up on the hill. The one we usually go to to talk about
things. That's also something I will never forget, my first kiss and my first in relationship.