We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF or read online on Scribd
Family History and Financial Concerns
Financial Scenarios
Self-Reflection on Financial Roadblocks
ls Money @ Tinder Date or Marriage Material? - 13
Your Family History May Be Causing Roadblocks
Your relationship to money started way before you got your first credit
card or signed for your first student loan. It began forming around the
time you started to realize how those around you, most likely your par-
ents, related to money.
Were finances spoken about in hushed voices when you were growing
up? Did your parents have open conversations with you about their bud-
gets? Did your childhood friends say it was rude to ask if they got an allow-
ance? Did your parents struggle to make ends meet? Did your family’s
wealth make you uncomfortable around your peers, or, on the flip side, did
you ever feel ashamed for not having as nice a house or clothing or toys as
one of your friends?
‘None of these questions is a condemnation of how you were raised. Your
parents likely did the best they could for you and your family with the infor-
mation available to them and their own psychological relationship with
money.
However, knowing where some of your money anxieties and misun-
derstandings stem from can help you in your own pursuit of financial em-
powerment.
“I bet your mom still has her First Communion money,” one of my
uncles said to me in jest when I was in my early twenties. Before that com-
ment, I'd never really given my parents’ level of frugality much thought
because the financial behaviors you grow up around seem perfectly nor-
mal. My parents weren't big spenders on material goods. ‘They notoriously
moved their favorite couch (which was older than me) around the world
with us instead of ever indulging in the purchase of new living room fur-
niture, My mom didn’t have a closet full of designer labels, and my dad
didn’t own all the latest tech gadgets. Much to the delight of me and my
sister, Cailin, my parents did choose to indulge in one area: travel. So early
on in our lives, Cailin and I both started to value experiences and memo-
ries over possessions.
‘There is not a single moment in my life when I can remember hearing
my parents argue about money. They seemed completely in sync about
how and when money should be spent, because they were united in a men-
tality of living below their means and saving for the future. Almost a de-
cade after I left the house for college, [learned my dad actually managed to
save 80 percent of his salary during our family’s time living overseas, 6 + Broke Millennial
thanks to the perks of his company subsidizing housing costs and Picking
up the tab for international school tuition. |
| tell you this because my parents, knowingly or not, gave me a
blueprint—or a money mind-set, if you will—for how to handle finances
that eaid: “Money isn’t stressful as long as you don't spend too much”
1 too still have hang-ups about money based largely on this
to spend. I'll agonize over seemingly insig.
res that would save me
However,
mentality. It’s difficult for me
nificant purchases. It’s hard for me to outsource cho!
time and therefore enable me to increase my earning potential. And spent
a bulk of my early twenties saying, “I can’t afford to do [fill in millennial
indulgence here)” when I certainly could have but just didn’t want to spend
the money for whatever reason at the time. And you'll find that if you tell
people you can’t go enough times, they'll just stop inviting you to go along
on happy hours, day trips, concerts, and the like.
Despite these hang-ups, which I've identified but still struggle to han-
dle, I'm grateful that the money mentality my parents passed down ulti-
mately included a message of financial control and not fear.
‘This may not be similar to the mentality you inherited, consciously or
not. Your family’s approach to finances may have looked more like one of
the following:
Scenario 1: Mom and Dad constantly argued about money.
Whether it was snide comments about a recent purchase or full-blown
yelling matches over the bills, money may have been a source of tension in
your household as you were growing up. Watching parents fight over how
much is okay to spend, how much needs to be saved, how they're going to
pay the bills, and who does and doesn’t contribute to the household can
lead to you—the child—believing money is nothing but a source of drama.
‘This mentality could mean you tend to deal with money as sparingly a
possible in order to avoid tension either in your own relationships or just
in your psyche. It’s also possible it sent you toward the other extreme: t0
become as educated about finances as possible and make sure you always
had enough to cover yourself so you'd never feel the stress of that n0-
money childhood drama. |s Money a Tinder Date or Marriage Material?» 15
Scenario 2: You were scolded for asking about money.
“Mom/Dad, how much do you make?”
“That's none of your concern.”
It’s not uncommon for parents or other adults to scold children for ask-
ing about money. Unfortunately, your parents’ unwillingness to have a con-
versation about money canleave youthinking that it’s taboo or dirty—similar
to the way many families handle conversations about sex. (While parents
may not want to share income details with their children for any number of
reasons, it’s still important to explain to kids how money works.)
So if Mom or Dad handed you a blueprint that says money is a taboo
topic, props to you for even opening this book! You could have decided to
avoid talking finances at all costs, which will cost you down the road (if it
hasn't already),
Scenario 3: You assumed everything was okay, until it wasn’t.
Back-to-school gear, going out to eat routinely, a new car every few years,
updated technology in the house—these would've been indicators to you
that your family had a comfortable amount of money. You could cover the
basic needs plus the luxury extras—but not so luxury that you figured a
new car with a big ribbon would be in the driveway on your sixteenth
birthday. Or maybe you did and that was part of the problem.
You may have grown up with the belief that money was a nonissue in
your home, but unbeknownst to you, your parents were living at or above
their means. One small hiccup—the primary breadwinner getting fired, a
family member getting sick, a downturn in the economy, or a divorce—
could upend the entire facade of a comfortable existence.
Living at or above their means is emphasized because there tend to be
two camps when it comes to spending money: those who live below their
means and those who live above their means. Those living below are saving,
and those living above are carrying debt to afford the luxury cars, McMan-
sions, and private schools. The third group—those living at their means—
are technically in a paycheck-to-paycheck cycle, possibly without realizing
that’s the scenario. They may have a tiny bit saved, but not enough to really
mitigate a major dilemma, such asa job loss or illness. Living at your means
usually signals to children that everything is okay because there's no ten-
sion about money until that single event that triggers the spiral down.
Fortunately, it also may not have occurred, but you may now be under- 46 «Broke Millennial
standing that your parents lived at their means because they're ad
retirement isn't a possibility. There just isn’t enough saved to support ther
without a steady influx of cash.
Still Unsure About Your Financial Roadblocks?
“Angwer the following questions to help you figure out which combination
of steps will be best for you:
‘What's my first memory of money? How does that memory make me feet
eles lla eta.
oe eee eee ee
athe De aS ene BE tg
How did I get money to spend growing up?
When I did have money to spend, what did I buy?
SOG rea mela ecoAFcnt
