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1 HAVING A SAFE, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY ADOLESCENCE

 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

INTRODUCTION

Adolescence is considered a time of opportunity as well as risk. It is a natural and healthy

period of life, therefore, an opportunity for an individual to grow and develop - physically,
emotionally, and socially - to his or her full potential in preparation for adulthood. But there
are adolescents who lose their lives or develop health or behavior problems that lead to
disease and even death. In this sense, adolescence becomes a time of risk.

In addition to learning about changing bodies, feelings, and social relationships, adolescents
need to develop life skills that will enable them to build safe and productive relationships
with family members, peers, friends, and romantic partners, and make their journey to
adulthood safe, healthy, and happy.

This final module highlights life skills like enhancing self-esteem, life planning, critical
thinking, keeping a healthy lifestyle, gender-sensitivity and being responsible and
respectful in relationships, staying safe and responsible when using the internet,
communicating assertively, and making better choices.

LEARNING OBJECTIVES

At the end of this module, participants are able to:

Knowledge Attitude Self-Efficacy

• Identify qualities they like and do not • Show non-judgmental • Demonstrate
like about themselves; attitude about positive view about
• Discuss the importance of feeling good developing life skills oneself;
about oneself; as adolescents; and • Develop life plan
• Explain importance of life planning; • Recognize that and personal
• Explain the considerations in keeping oneself fit vision;
observing critical thinking; and strong is one way • Demonstrate
• Describe ways to keep the body of achieving a good or gender-sensitivity
hygienic, fit and healthy; high self-esteem. and ways of being
• Differentiate sex and gender; respectful and
• Describe how gender roles and norms responsible in
affect relationships; relationships;
• Discuss benefits and harms of internet  Demonstrate
use to adolescents; ways to
• Distinguish between beneficial and communicat

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Knowledge Attitude Self-Efficacy

harmful online materials; e clearly,
• Describe ways to use social media and directly, and
the internet safely, respectfully and respectfully
responsibly; in
• Discuss the importance of assertive uncomfortab
communication; and le situations;
• Discuss the importance of making and
better choices. • Demonstrate ways
to make better
choices.

3 HAVING A SAFE, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY ADOLESCENCE

 Opening & Materials Time
Session Title Learning Objectives Key Topics
Closing Activity Needed (Minutes)
Pretest • Describe skills in • Life skills 30 minutes
coping and adapting in matrix
life situations
Session 4.1 • Discuss the • Pat on the Back • Meaning of self- • Piece of 45 minutes
importance of having • Recipe for High esteem paper (bond
Harnessing my a positive self-esteem Self-Esteem • Signs of high and paper)
Self-Esteem and confidence low self-esteem • pens
• Causes of low self- • tape
LEARNING SESSIONS

esteem • large sheets

• Effects of low self- of paper
esteem on one’s • (Manila,
life craft, or
• Ways to boost cartolina)
self-esteem and • makers
confidence • cooking

Session 4.2 • Discuss the • My Personal • Life planning • Piece of 45 minutes

importance setting Inventory bond paper
My Life Plan personal direction and • Blueprint of my • Pen
life goals Life

HAVING A SAFE, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY ADOLESCENCE

Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

4
5
Opening & Materials Time
Session Title Learning Objectives Key Topics
Closing Activity Needed (Minutes)
SHAPE

Session 4.3 • Discuss the • The Human • Critical thinking • Copy of case 45 minutes
importance of making Knot • Making better scenarios
Making better choices, critical • “Making Better choices
Responsible thinking, and solving Choices”
Choices problems
• Demonstrate ways to
make better choices
and rationally solving
problems

Session 4.4 • Describe ways to keep • Poster-making • Skin and hair care • Poster-size 45 minutes
the body hygienic, fit • “Retouch” your • Body odor • papers,
Living a and healthy posters • Oral hygiene • various art
Healthy • Recognize that living • Personal hygiene • materials,
Lifestyle and keeping healthy • Physical activity • markers,
lifestyle is one way of • Healthy eating • scissors,
achieving good or high • Healthy sleep glue,

HAVING A SAFE, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY ADOLESCENCE

self-esteem habits • tape
 Opening & Materials Time
Session Title Learning Objectives Key Topics
Closing Activity Needed (Minutes)
Session 4.5 • Differentiate sex and • “He or she?” • Sex and gender • Slips of 60 minutes
gender • “forced or • How gender role paper
Being Gender- • Describe how gender desired” is learned • Pens
Sensitive, roles and norms affect • Gender identity • Box
Respectful and relationships • Gender-based • Copy of
Responsible in • Demonstrate ways of violence “forced or
Relationships being gender- • Respectful and desired”
sensitive, respectful responsible statements
and responsible in relationships
relationships
Session 4.6 • Discuss benefits and • “One, Two, • What is internet? • Cellphone 45 minutes
harms of internet use Three, Freeze!” • Uses of the with internet
Being to adolescents • Take 2: “One, internet access
Respectful and • Distinguish between Two, Three, • Harms from use of
Responsible beneficial and harmful Freeze!” internet
Online online materials • Some ways to be
• Describe ways to use safe, respectful,
social media and the and responsible
internet safely, online
respectfully, and • Pornography in
responsibly the internet

HAVING A SAFE, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY ADOLESCENCE

Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

6
7
Opening & Materials Time
Session Title Learning Objectives Key Topics
Closing Activity Needed (Minutes)
SHAPE

• Guide to
distinguishing
harmful and not
harmful sexual
images in the
internet
Session 4.7 • Discuss the • “Pass the • Factors affecting • Copy of 45 minutes
importance of Message” ability to situations
Communicating assertive • Role Play in communicate
Assertively communication Pairs • Communicating
• Demonstrate ways to clearly, directly,
communicate clearly, and firmly
directly, and • Communication in
respectfully in sexual
uncomfortable relationships
situations
Post-test • Describe life skills in • Life skills 30 minutes

HAVING A SAFE, HEALTHY, AND HAPPY ADOLESCENCE

certain situations matrix
 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

MODULE OVERVIEW
Discuss the following opening messages:

1. As you develop your identity and independence, you also start to dream and aspire
for the things that you want to be and do in the future. If we take them seriously, it
becomes a driving force for all the things that we do and in making decisions.

2. As you grow through adolescence, you will have a lot of decisions to make. As
previously discussed, there are important decisions in your life that may define the
rest of your life. As such, you need to have the necessary knowledge and skills that
can make your positive decisions or choices that have impact on your development.
These skills do not only make your future more safe, secure, and enabling but can
also make your journey through adolescents a fulfilling and enjoyable one.

3. Among the important skills that you need to have a safe, healthy, and responsible life
includes critical thinking or making better choices, having a positive self-esteem,
being gender-sensitive and responsible relationships, communicating assertively,
and having a healthy lifestyle.

4. In this module, we will go through the following sessions:

a. In SESSION 4.1. (HARNESSING MY SELF-ESTEEM), you will develop or boost your

self-esteem by reflecting first, on how you regard yourself and second, on how co-
participants see you in a positive way. It is hoped that at the end of this session,
you feel good, if not better, about yourself.

b. In SESSION 4.2 (MY LIFE PLAN), you will reflect on your life vision and goals that
you will pursue to realize throughout your life. These aspirations shall serve as
your guideposts in pursuing your passion, interests, and in any decisions that
you will make.

c. In SESSION 4.3 (MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES), you will learn about the
importance of having critical thinking and other ways of making better choices
for you to have a healthy, safe, and happy adolescence.

d. In SESSION 4.4 (LIVING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE), you will explore ways to keep
yourself tidy, clean, and physically fit so you feel good about yourself and become
happy. Feeling happy about your body improves self-esteem.

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e. In SESSION 4.5 (BEING GENDER-SENSITIVE, RESPECTFUL, AND RESPONSIBLE

IN RELATIONSHIPS), we will look at your differences as boys and girls not only
physically but also socially - how you behave and relate with each other as boys
and girls. In this session, we will look at the way you are reared as boys and girls,
and how that kind of rearing affects your behavior in romantic and sexual
relationships.

f. In SESSION 4.6 (BEING RESPECTFUL AND RESPONSIBLE ONLINE), you will talk
about the internet – how it affects young people’s life nowadays. We will talk
about the benefits as well as the harm it brings especially to children and young
people like you. More importantly, we will explore ways to keep you safe while
you use the internet and also ways for you to become respectful and responsible
digital citizens (users of internet)!

g. In SESSION 4.7 (COMMUNICATING ASSERTIVELY), you will learn and practice

ways to express yourself in clear, direct, and respectful ways when you are in
uncomfortable situations.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

PRE-TEST

OBJECTIVE

Participants are able to describe their skills in dealing and adapting with life challenges.

Duration: 30 minutes

1. Explain that this is a pretest activity and participants should not worry because they
will not be asked to provide facts and figures. Instead, they will be asked to describe
their skills in coping and dealing with life everyday situations, challenges, and tasks.

2. Give each participant a copy of the matrix below. Instruct them to complete the
sentence with their response for each phrase.

Situations Life Skills (Response)

a. I love my self because...
b. Whenever somebody gives me negative
comment about my physical appearance, I...
c. My goal or aspiration in life is...
d. I will pursue my life goal through the
following...
e. Whenever I make decision, I usually do the
following...
f. The food that are part of my everyday diet
includes…
g. Whenever I see men harassing women, I do the
following...
h. Whenever I see men harassing gays or
homosexuals, I do the following…
i. I protect myself from cyberbullying by...
j. When a person insists his or her idea on me, I
usually respond by…

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Session 4.1.
HARNESSING MY SELF-ESTEEM

11 HARNESSING MY SELF-ESTEEM
 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

SESSION OBJECTIVES

At the end of the session, participants are able to:

1. Identify their own strengths, interests, and good qualities that enhances their self-
worth and self-esteem.

2. Explain the importance and ways of having a positive self-esteem in achieving their
potentials and aspirations.

Time Allotment Materials Needed Methodology

45 minutes For Opening Activity • Big group activity
• Precut papers (Cartolina or its equivalent) in and discussion
heart-shaped figures (about the size of a bond
paper)
• Markers

For Closing Activity

• Large sheets of paper
• Markers
• Coloring materials

OPENING ACTIVITY (OPTION 1). Twin Hearts

1. Introduce the activity by instructing the participants to label the heart figure into
two. The left column to be labelled as “The Best of Me,” and the right column as “The
Worst of Me.” Allot 10 minutes for this activity.

2. In the left column, ask the participants to identify what they like (positive thoughts
and qualities) about themselves. In the right column, let them write the negative
things and qualities about themselves.

3. Instruct the participants to reflect on what they have written.

4. Process the activity by asking:

a. What went on in your mind while you were reflecting on your strengths? On
your weaknesses?

HARNESSING MY SELF-ESTEEM 12
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b. How important it is to know what is best in you and what you need to change
and improve in yourself?

c. What did you realize from the activity?

5. Conclude the activity by saying:

a. Your strengths are characteristics that you treasure and can truly be proud of.
These are the things and qualities that you can nurture to build a positive self-
worth and self-esteem. A positive evaluation and acceptance of one’s self is
important in achieving your dreams and potentials. It is also critical in building
and maintaining a harmonious and meaningful relationships with others. In this
session, we will further discuss how we can enhance our capacity

6. Proceed to discuss the Key Learning Points.

OPENING ACTIVITY (OPTION 2). Pat at the Back

1. Ask everyone to form a circle and give each one a piece of paper and marker.

2. Give the following instructions:

a. Tape the paper on your back.

b. Move around and write a positive comment about your co-participant on the
paper taped on their back. Try to reach out to as many participants as you can.

c. After writing on the paper, give that person a “pat” on his or her back.

d. After everyone has finished writing on the back of everyone, take off the paper
from your back and read each comment on it.

e. Share the positive comments written on your paper to the big group.

3. Further engage the participants in a discussion by asking:

a. How did you feel while thinking of a positive comment for each one? Was it easy
or hard? Why was it easy or hard?

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

b. How did you feel receiving all the positive comments from everyone?

c. How did you feel receiving a “pat on the back”?

d. How do you see or feel about yourself now?

e. What have you realized from the exercise?

4. Synthesize the sharing by stating that:

a. Every one of us has a basic need and craving to “feel good” about ourselves. Self-
esteem is the evaluation an individual makes about him/herself. It is a personal
judgment of one’s worthiness.

KEY MESSAGES
1. Self-esteem is feeling good about ourselves and feeling that we are a worthwhile
person. It is important because it shows ourselves how we view the way we are and
the sense of our personal value.1 Thus, it affects the way we are and how we behave
and relate with others.

a. Self-esteem is a basic human need or motivation. Without the fulfillment of the

self-esteem need, individuals will be driven to seek it and unable to grow and
obtain self-actualization. The healthiest expression of self-esteem "is the one
which manifests in respect we deserve for others, more than renown, fame, and
flattery."2

b. There are two different forms of "esteem": the need for respect from others in
the form of recognition, success, and admiration, and the need for self-respect
in the form of self-love, self-confidence, skill, or aptitude.3

c. “High self-esteem is a quiet, comfortable feeling of total acceptance and love for
yourself — as you are. It is respecting and valuing yourself as a worthwhile
human being, honestly seeing your good and not-so-good qualities, and taking
care of and nurturing yourself so you can become all that you are capable of
being. High self-esteem is characterized by congruence between inner states
(beliefs, feelings, attitudes) and outer states (behavior, relationships, health).”4

HARNESSING MY SELF-ESTEEM 14
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d. You have a high or positive self-esteem when you5:

• Have an internal locus of control; getting "okayness" from within, not from
others.
• Take care of yourself — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
○ Taking care of oneself includes being healthy by eating nutritious food,
maintaining proper grooming and hygiene, and avoiding risky behaviors
that affects your health and well-being (e.g. smoking, drinking, etc.).
• Maintain a balance between extremes of thought, feeling, and behavior;
when out-of-balance, act to correct.
• Learn from mistakes and being able to say, "I made a mistake, I’m sorry."
• Manage your life responsibly.
• Honor or respect individual differences among people.
• Listen to other points of view.
• Take responsibility for your own perceptions and reactions; not projecting
onto others.
• Have the ability to listen to your wise inner self (your intuition) and to act
on this guidance.
• Demonstrate self-respect, self-confidence, and self-acceptance.
• Know your own strengths and weaknesses.
• Choose continuous self-improvement and taking positive risks.
• Feel warm and loving towards yourself.
• Give and receive love easily, with no strings attached.

e. You have a low self-esteem when you:

• Self-blame, self-criticize, or constantly put others down through guilt, blame,

shame or faultfinding.
• Over- or under-achieving, eating, working, doing, etc.
• Play the victim, rationalizing that outside circumstances are the cause of
your problems.
• Do not take responsibility for your own life, or turn power over to another
to make decisions for you, then felt victimized if the results are not to your
liking.
• Take undo responsibility for the lives of others; dominating and making
decisions for them.
• Fear change and reluctant to take risks, or too much change, taking
dangerous, unwise risks.
• Nurture constant negativity, or being so optimistic that reality is denied.
• React to others with extreme emotion or no emotion.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

• Boastful, overbearing behavior around others, or inability to maintain

integrity during interactions.
• Demand to be "right," needing to have agreement or have your own way
most of the time, or constantly acquiescing to the will and opinions of others.
• Constantly compare yourself to others and thereby feeling inferior or
superior.
• Take black-white, either-or thinking. (e.g. believing that a person is either
good or bad based on rigid standards of good and bad behavior).
• Have pervasive deep-seated feelings of fear, terror, or panic.
• Speak with lots of should’s, ought’s, could-haves, and yes-buts.
• Interprets the hurtful words or actions of others as proof of your
unworthiness.

2. Self-esteem is the foundation of your life.6 You have the power and choice to build
and live your life to what you want it to be.

a. Begin by knowing yourself – your beliefs, values, interests, and aspirations. Take
actions and behaviors that support your growth and highest good. Remember
that you alone have the power to change yourself and your inner world.

b. Endeavor to learn and live the attitude and behaviors of people with high self-
esteem and avoid those that can make you develop a low self-esteem (refer to
the signs of having a high and low self-esteem as discussed earlier – Key Message
Nos. 1.d. and 1.e.).

c. As you gradually develop and live the positive beliefs about yourself, your
feelings about yourself will improve. This in turn will affect your actions,
accomplishments, and relationships and you will experience more love, joy,
abundance, and satisfaction in life.

d. High self-esteem is like a seed, it needs to be planted in yourself and nurtured by

positive attitude, beliefs, and actions towards yourself and others in order for it
to grow and bear fruits.

3. Synthesis of the session:

a. Self-esteem is feeling good about ourselves and feeling that we are a worthwhile
person.

HARNESSING MY SELF-ESTEEM 16
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b. Self-esteem is respecting and valuing yourself as a worthwhile human being,

honestly seeing your good and not-so-good qualities, and taking care of and
nurturing yourself so you can become all that you are capable of being.

c. Self-esteem is the foundation of your life. 7 You have the power and choice to
build your life to what you want it to be.

CLOSING ACTIVITY (OPTION 1). Nurturing my Self-Esteem

1. Form same-sex, small groups (three to four groups). If there are participants who
identify with the LGBT group, form a separate group for them if they want to.

2. Instruct the groups to:

a. Discuss signs of low self-esteem they experience and what they think might be
causing them.

b. Talk about steps to boost their self-esteem by creating a “recipe”–identifying

“ingredients” and “cooking steps.”

3. Make an illustration of the recipe using a large sheet of paper, markers, and coloring
materials.

4. Give each group three (3) minutes to present its recipe.

5. Gather comments and recommendations from the other groups on improving the
“recipe.”

6. Conclude the activity by stating:

a. Having a high self-esteem is not about telling everyone how wonderful you are.
It is more about trying your best, realizing that you will not always succeed but
will always be willing to go on. When you feel good that you are a positive
person, others will respect you and will want to be around you.

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CLOSING ACTIVITY (OPTION 2). The Parable of the Pencil

1. Present or read or distribute a copy of the “Parable of the Pencil” to the participants.
You may access an audio-visual presentation or video clips for the parable from
[Link] or other video-sharing sites.

2. Give them time to reflect on the parable.

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside just before putting him into the box. “There
are five things you need to know,” he told the pencil, “before I send you out into the
world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best
pencil you can be.

ONE: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be
held in Someone's hand.
TWO: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it
to become a better pencil.
THREE: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.
FOUR: The most important part of you will always be what's inside.
FIVE: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what
the condition, you must continue to write.”

3. Encourage participants to share their reflections to their seatmates.

4. Process and synthesize their responses:

a. What did you feel about the parable?

b. What is the most important lesson you gained from the parable in relation to the
way you see yourself right now?

c. How do you think you can apply such important lesson to improve your self-
esteem?

5. Close the activity by stating:

a. We all need to be constantly sharpened. This parable shows how special we are.
Each of us has unique talents and abilities. Let us never allow ourselves to be
discouraged and think that we are insignificant and cannot be changed. Just like
the pencil, the most important part of who we are is what is inside of us.

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CLOSING ACTIVITY (OPTION 3). Whip Statements

1. Ask the participants to think of the three most important things they have
learned/realized from the session and how can they apply such lesson in their real
life.

2. Ask them to write the following whip statements:

a. The three most important things I learned/realized…

b. Because of these learnings/realizations, I will…

3. Give them three (3) minutes to complete the statements. Ask four (4) participants to
share what they have written.

4. Close the activity by stating:

a. Self-acceptance is loving who you are. It is lifelong contract to yourself that

enables you to continue improving and achieving your dreams and potentials to
the fullest. Self-esteem, therefore, is something that grows throughout a person’s
life.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

Session 4.2.
MY LIFE PLAN

MY LIFE PLAN 20
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SESSION OBJECTIVES
At the end of the session, participants are able to:

1. Discuss the importance of setting personal direction and life goals.

2. Set a personal vision statement and plan of activities to achieve them.

Time Allotment Materials Needed Methodology

90 minutes • Small notebook with at least 50 leaves • Individual activity
• Colored paper
• Glue or adhesive
• Scissors
• Markers or coloring pens
• Old newspapers or magazines

ACTIVITY 1. #TheBestOfMe
1. Give each participant a notebook. Put other materials in a place where the
participants can easily access.

2. Introduce the activity:

a. Teenage years are great and exciting moments in your life. You have lots of
things going on and plenty of possibilities that lie ahead of you. As you enjoy
those teenage moments, you will be faced with plenty of choices. One of the
greatest choices you will make is what you want to be or become in the future.

b. To be able for you to do that, the first step is to know yourself well – your
interests, passion, and things that motivates you. You need to get in touch with
yourself to be able to decide for a future that is aligned with what you personally
(not by your parents or significant others) want to be and to do.

c. As you are engaged in the excitement of teen life, most of you do not really invest
time to get in touch with our deeper self. Self-awareness is a powerful tool we
can use to gain better control of our life. In this activity, you will try to give
yourselves some moments of reflection to discover the best of yourselves.

21 MY LIFE PLAN
 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

3. Instruct the participants:

a. With the notebook given to you, for 20 minutes, you will try to make a scrapbook
or creative journal containing the following information or images:

• First leaf: How do you describe yourself? (Personal Information - your

name; self-description; and other personal information you would like to
post).
• Second leaf: What are your interests, hobbies, and things that you would
like to do?
• Third leaf: What are your strengths and positive attributes?
• Fourth leaf: What are your values (things that are important to you),
beliefs and principles (things that you believe in that is guiding you in your
decisions)?
• Fifth leaf: Who or what inspires or motivates you?
• Sixth: What makes you happy?

b. Answer the questions or provide the information in your notebook through arts,
graphics, images (from cutouts) or other creative or artistic way of reflecting
your answers in your notebook.

c. Keep your work and share it to your co-participants if you want.

2. Process the activity by asking:

a. What is the most difficult question you have answered?

b. What is the most significant or important discovery you made about yourself
through the activity?

c. What did you realize from the activity?

3. Proceed to discuss the key messages below.

KEY MESSAGES
1. As a teenager you can explore a whole set of options and possibilities to learn more
about yourself and the world around you.

MY LIFE PLAN 22
SHAPE

a. As you set your identity and individuality, get in touch with your interests,
strengths, and positive attributes that you can nurture to decide what you want
to be in your life.

b. As of now, you may not be sure what you want for the various aspects of your
life (e.g. education, career, marriage, etc.) in the future as you are enjoying the
greatest moment of your life. However, being in touched with yourself – your
interests, passions, and inspirations – you may begin to clearly visualize the kind
of future you want for yourself.

2. Keep your personal life journal and constantly update and refer to it to motivate
yourself towards the achievement of your aspirations.

ACTIVITY 2. # MyLifeGoals
1. Introduce the activity:

a. Now that you have an appreciation of your interests, strengths, and inspirations,
you already have some idea of how huge is your potential and the various
possibilities that you can pursue. You can now imagine yourself in the future –
the things that you are doing excellently and the person you want to be.

b. In this activity, you will try to envision and commit to a future you want for
yourself.

2. Give the following instructions:

a. You will continue to work on your creative journals.

b. Life goals are the things that you want to accomplish or aspire for in life. They
are the things that you want to be or to do. Now, reflect on your previous work
(in the first activity – your interests, strengths, and positive attributes about
yourself). Based on these, try to reflect on the things that you want to
accomplish in your life or the conditions that you want to become in the future.

• In twenty years (or select a period you want) from now, how would you
like to see or describe yourself in terms of the following:
○ Career or Profession? (What career or profession are you excelling in
or enjoying?)

23 MY LIFE PLAN
 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

○ Financial status? (How much are you earning? How stable are you
financially?)
○ Physical or health? (What health condition do you have?)
○ Family? (What kind of relationship do you have with your family as a
parent and as spouse, or as a son or daughter? Do you have your own
family? How many children do you have?)
○ Social relationships (What kind of relationship do you have with your
friends and social network or the community you live in?)
○ Community participation (What is your involvement in your
community?)
○ Spiritual? (What kind of relationship do you have with your God? How
can you describe your spiritual wellbeing?)

c. Similar to the first activity, for 20 minutes, allocate a page for each of the aspect
of your life goals. Label each page with the corresponding aspect (e.g. My Life
Goals for Career, My Life Goals for Financial Status, etc.). For each aspect,
creatively or artistically express your life goals through images, figures, cut-outs,
drawings, or texts. Be imaginative and creative as you can!

• If you are not yet sure of what you want in life, it is okay. Just write them
down (as many as you can) and get back or reflect on them more seriously in
your free time after this training or session. Do not be pressured to have a
goal if you are not yet prepared. It is important that you have started to
think about what are important for you today and the things that you want
in the future. This is a big accomplishment already!

d. After you have finished your work, take a picture of each of your life goals and
make an electronic collage using an available picture editing application in your
cellphone. Post your collage in your social media account, in your cellphone
wallpaper, or in any application that can remind you constantly about your life
goals. You may also post your picture in your journal or other personal things for
you to be reminded always. You may also share your outputs with your co-
participants.

MY LIFE PLAN 24
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4. Process the activity:

a. How did you feel about your life goals? What life goals did you feel passionate
about?

b. What insights did you realize from the activity?

5. Proceed to the discussion of the key messages.

KEY MESSAGES

1. Being young and carefree, you may not have thought about what you want in your
life. But if you want to have a great life today and in the future, it is time to plan for
your life and then set goals to achieve them.

a. Young people like you may think it is too early to plan out your life. But the
choices and decisions you make today will determine the kind of future you will
have. As such, it is important for you to have a sense of direction in your life right
now to guide you in ensuring a bright future where you are living your dreams
and aspirations.

b. Teens who live without purpose or an eye on the future won’t be ready for
college or a career, and won’t have the skills to be successful and independent
adults.8

c. Life goals help you to focus through your adolescence journey, to realize set
achievements, and be motivated during the time when you feel you like giving
up. Focusing means allocating your resources, efforts, and time more efficiently.

d. Your life goals may likewise serve as your purpose in life – the motivation for
you to strive and live meaningfully.

e. It enables you to focus when life goals are written down in a journal or personal
calendar since it constantly reminds you of such goals. It directs your attention
to what is important or what matters for you to prevent behaviors that may
derail or constrain you to achieve such goals. If it is written, you can also readily
check how near are you from those goals with every accomplishments and
mistakes you make.

25 MY LIFE PLAN
 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

f. Goal setting fuels ambition and confidence by encouraging determination

through difficult times and offering a sense of pride and accomplishment when
success finally arrives. It creates a sense of clarity and connection between the
process of working hard and accomplishing something significant.

MY LIFE PLAN 26
SHAPE

g. Do not be afraid to commit errors or mistakes. Learn from your mistakes and
make them as leverage to move on and take greater heights.

2. As you discover yourself, gain experience, and develop new perspectives in life, your
life goals may also change. It is then important to constantly check your life goals.

ACTIVITY 3. Dream Big, Play Small

1. Introduce the activity:

a. Our life goals are the “big picture” or the great purpose for which we committed
to live our lives. However, goals, no matter how big they are, can only be
achieved by small feats.

b. Now that we have set our life goals, we continue by laying down our specific
action plan in achieving them.

c. In this activity, you will draw your plan to win the greatest game of your life –
your life goals.

2. Give the following instructions:

a. You will continue to work on your creative journals.

b. For this exercise, choose one to two life goals you have identified in your journal.
After selecting the goal, creatively write or draw in a new page of your journal
things or actions that you can do to achieve that goal. These actions may be small
steps such as devoting more time for studies and lesser time for social media
(for your career goals) or playing sports more regularly (for your health goals).
Identify realistic activities that can also challenge you to improve on yourself or
to do greater things.

27 MY LIFE PLAN
 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

c. After you have finished your work, take a picture of each of your action plan and
make an electronic collage using an available picture editing application in your
cellphone. Post your collage in your social media account, in your cellphone
wallpaper, or in any application that can remind you constantly about your
action plan. You may also post your picture in your journal or other personal
things for you to be reminded always. You may also share your outputs with
your co-participants.

6. Process the activity:

a. How did you feel about the actions that you identified? What actions are the
most challenging for you?

b. What insights did you realize from the activity?

7. Remind the participants:

a. After this training, spare some time to finish your journal with identifying
actions or steps to achieve your other life goals. You may also want to transfer
your work in a more beautiful or personal journal which you will constantly
check. Remember, this journal will be for a lifetime. Make it as your most
valuable possession – take care of it and continue harnessing it with your life
experiences.

8. Proceed to the discussion of the key messages.

KEY MESSAGES

1. Your goals become a lot less daunting when you focus on the smaller, more
accessible steps you need to take to achieve them. You can constantly remind
yourself to take things just one step at a time. It makes everything manageable.

a. You dream big and play small. Take doable steps that can help you nearer to
your life goals. Small feats and victories can propel you to greater heights.

2. Always remember: You have the power to live your dreams! Laging piliin ang
pangarap at huwag ipagpalit sa sandaling sarap!

MY LIFE PLAN 28
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3. Synthesis of the session:

a. As a teenager you can explore a whole set of options and possibilities to learn
more about yourself and the world around you.

b. As young as you are, it is important for you to plan for your life and then set
goals to achieve them if you want to live a healthy, happy, and successful life
today and in the future.

c. Your goals become a lot less daunting when you focus on the smaller, more
accessible steps you need to take to achieve them. You can constantly remind
yourself to take things just one step at a time. It makes everything manageable.

29 MY LIFE PLAN
 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

Session 4.3.
MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES

MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES 30

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SESSION OBJECTIVES

At the end of the session, participants are able to:

1. Discuss the importance of making better choices, critical thinking, and solving
problems.

2. Demonstrate ways to make better choices and rationally solving problems.

Time Allotment Materials Needed Methodology

45 minutes • Piece of paper where the life situations • Group activity
are written

OPENING ACTIVITY. The Human Knot

1. To introduce the topic, ask participants to give examples of decisions they have to
make every day. For example: what time to get up; what clothes to wear; whether to
eat breakfast or not, among others. List their examples on the board.

2. Point out that:

a. Like adults, adolescents make decisions and choices every day.

b. Each time you decide and choose, you are responsible for the consequences that
accompany each choice. These decisions may have life-long and irreversible
repercussions, especially in view of the life goals you have set in the previous
session. It may also affect our relationship with others.

c. As such, it is important for adolescents to be critical and intelligent in making

choices and decisions.

3. Instruct the participants with the following:

a. Form two groups. Gather your group and stand closely to each other forming a
circle.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

b. Individually, reach out at the center and hold hands with two different people in
the circle excluding the people to either side of you.

c. After forming a human knot, untangle the “knot” without letting go of each
other’s hands.

d. Take your time and make sure no one gets hurts or their arm twisted in the
process.

4. When the two groups have untangled their “knot,” congratulate them and ask
everyone for a round of applause.

5. Process the activity by asking:

a. How did you find the activity? Was it difficult? What made it difficult?

b. Who among you did most of the instructions? What did you feel about taking the
lead or contributing to the solution?

c. Who among you kept silent? Why did you not involve yourselves in the group’s
decision-making process?

d. What made you successful in untangling the knot? What made you fail in
untangling the knot?

e. What did you feel while doing the activity?

f. What did you realize from the activity especially in relation to making decisions?

6. Continue processing the activity with the key messages below.

KEY MESSAGES
1. As you grow through adolescence, you make a lot of choices and decisions. Your
capacity to make good decisions can set you for success later in life. Additionally, it
can make you closer to your dreams and aspirations.

MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES 32

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a. Decision-making is all about choosing between two or more courses of action. In

every decision, there are either positive or negative consequences that you have
to take. That is why it is important to choose and decide wisely.
b. As adolescents, you make potentially life-altering decisions every single day. Yet,
many young people like you are not given the skills on how to make healthy or
rational decisions. As a result, some of you struggle when you are faced with
difficult decisions to make.

c. Making a choice or a decision, especially those with life-long consequences,

needs to be carefully and cautiously done.

2. In making any choice or decision, you have to ACT – Assess the situation or problem;
Create choices and options; and Take action. This is a cyclical process:

a. ASSESS THE SITUATION OR PROBLEM

• What is the situation or the challenge?

○ First, you have to determine the real issue or problem. Is it something

you should take in mind? Is it really a problem situation? Does the
situation require you to act? Is it urgent or important?

○ In determining the issue or problem, gather as many pertinent

information as you can to guide you in coming up with effective
decisions. Do not act or take choices without understanding the
situation or the issue before you.

○ Your sources of information may be from within you – reflecting on your

feelings, knowledge, attitude, values, and principles about the issue. You

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

may also consult other people such as your parents or other people (e.g.
teachers, peer educators, service providers, experts) who could provide
you with accurate information on the nature of the situation or the
challenge you are facing. Do not also rely on your peers who have no
adequate or accurate information about the issues you are facing.

○ Here are the guide questions in assessing the situation or the problem:

▪ What is the problem or situation all about? (e.g. Your friends are
urging you to skip class)
▪ What is the action required of me? (e.g. To skip class and join your
friends outside the school)
▪ What information do I need to understand the situation or the
problem? (e.g. Is the action you are required to take legal or not
breaking any rules? What activities will you do outside the school?
Are these activities legal or morally right? Is it the right thing to do?)

b. CREATE CHOICES OR OPTIONS

• What are your choices or options in dealing with the issue or problem? What
courses of actions you can take? What are their corresponding consequences?

○ As you collect information, identify several possible paths of action, or

alternatives you can take based on your understanding of the issue or
situation. You can also use your imagination and additional information
to construct new alternatives. In this step, you will list all possible and
desirable alternatives from which you can choose.

○ Draw on your information and emotions to imagine what it would be

like if you carried out each of the alternatives to the end. Evaluate
whether the need identified in your assessment of the situation would
be met or resolved through the use of each alternative.

○ As you go through this difficult internal process, you will begin to favor
certain alternatives: those that seem to have a higher potential for
reaching your goal. Finally, place the alternatives in a priority order,
based on your own value system.

MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES 34

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○ Here are the guide questions in creating options:

▪ What are my options? (e.g. Do I say yes or no to my friends?)

▪ For each option, what will more likely happen or its anticipated
consequences for me and to other people involved?
▪ Are you willing and able to be accountable for such consequences?
▪ What options are more aligned with my values, principles, and life
goals?
▪ How do I feel about each option?
▪ Do I need to decide now?
▪ Do I need more information about each option?
▪ Do I need help in making the decision? Whom shall I consult?
▪ What are the priority options?

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

c. TAKE ACTION

• With the carefully weighed options, take the most appropriate or best action
suited for the situation.
○ Choose the best option that is available for you. Have a strong stand
about your decision as you have carefully rationalized or thought about.
○ The long-time FOUR-WAY TEST of the rotary club can help you choose
the best decision:
▪ Is it the TRUTH?
▪ Is it FAIR to all concerned?
▪ Will it build GOODWILL or BETTER FRIENDSHIP/RELATIONSHIP?
▪ Will it be BENEFICIAL to all concerned?

• After deciding or acting, it is also important for you to evaluate or assess

your decision.
○ For each action you make, it is important to reflect on the learning or
insights you can get to make you a better person.
○ Do not be afraid that you committed mistakes. “Success does not consist
in never making mistakes but in never making the same one a second
time.” (George Bernard Shaw)

CLOSING ACTIVITY. Making Better Decisions

1. Write each of the following situations on a piece of paper. Fold each paper and place
them in a box or bowl.

a. SITUATION 1

• Jeff and his friends are at the park (or in a mall). Some boys from another
high school whom Jeff and his friends do not like are also in the park. One of
those boys is dating Jeff’s ex-girlfriend and Jeff does not like it. Jeff’s friends
want to pick a fight with those boys, but Jeff is not sure whether he wants to
get into a fight. What are Jeff’s options and what should he do?

MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES 36

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b. SITUATION 2

• Mercy and Brandon have been dating for four months. Both have openly
expressed their attraction for each other. Lately, Brandon asked Mercy to
have sex with him. But Mercy is not sure about having sex with him. She is
only 16 and has promised to herself that she will only have sex with the man
she marries. Brandon is 18, attractive and has had sex with his past
girlfriend. Mercy is confused. She does not want to lose Brandon. What are
Mercy’s options and what should she do?

c. SITUATION 3

• Leila, 14, has been feeling depressed lately. Nothing seems to be going right
in her life. She is lesbian and in a relationship with another girl. She has kept
this secret from her family. She thinks her parents and siblings will not
accept her. Lately, she is always fighting with her mother; her girlfriend
wants to break up with her; she doesn’t have close friends to talk to; and her
grades in school have been dropping low. Leila is starting to think that
killing herself might be the answer. What are Leila’s options and what
should she do?

d. SITUATION 4

• Mike has been smoking marijuana with his friends lately and enjoys getting
high. His parents have no idea what he is doing; everything is going fine with
him in school and at home. This coming weekend, he and his friends are
going to a party where there will be plenty of marijuana, and he heard that
there will be shabu, too. He is thinking if he will try shabu. He thinks that
trying it once will not be harmful. What are Mike’s options and what should
he do?

2. Divide the group into four small groups. Ask a representative from each group to
pick out one paper from the box.

3. Instruct groups to:

a. read and analyze the situation written on the paper and answer the question
asked using the ACT Decision-Making Model; and

b. present in plenary the choice they have made.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

4. After each group’s presentation, gather feedback from the other groups and together
agree on the best choice or decision for each situation.

5. Process the activity by asking:

a. From among the situations, what was the most challenging?

b. What did you feel about the process? Particularly during the time when you
were deciding on the options to take?

c. What insights did you learn from the activity?

6. As final message, say:

a. Decision-making is a skill that will take time for you to develop and master. Just
keep on practicing those steps until you have mastered them. Always remember,
do not rush to make decisions especially those that have life-long or significant
consequences.

MAKING RESPONSIBLE CHOICES 38

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Session 4.4.
LIVING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

39 LIVING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE

 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

SESSION OBJECTIVES
At the end of the session, participants are able to:

1. Describe ways to keep the body fit, hygienic, and healthy.

2. Explain the importance of promoting adolescents' healthy lifestyle and identifying

protective factors in the context of their physical development and wellbeing.

3. Recognize that living and keeping a healthy lifestyle is one way of achieving a high
self-esteem.

Time Allotment Materials Needed Methodology

45 minutes For Opening Activity: • Group activity
• Zumba music video

For Closing Activity:

• Colored papers or posters
• Markers
• Coloring pens

OPENING ACTIVITY. Zumba

1. This session is best conducted as the first activity in the morning.

2. Gather the participants outdoor or (in the absence of an outdoor venue) let them
stand on their place.

3. Instruct the participants to dance following the steps demonstrated in the video. Do
the Zumba dance for around five (5) to 10 minutes.

4. Process the activity by asking:

a. How did you feel while doing the activity?

b. What do you think is the importance of being physically active as an adolescent?

LIVING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE 40

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5. Introduce the key message of the session:

a. As you grow through adolescence and develop self-esteem, it is important that

you take care of yourself physically. You need to take care of your health and
your overall well-being. In this session, let us learn some skills on how to have a
healthy lifestyle.

KEY MESSAGES

1. Preventing risky behavior and promoting healthy choices among adolescents can
yield positive health outcomes, not just during adolescence, but also during
adulthood.9

a. Many young people engage in a wide range of unhealthy habits, such as

inadequate nutritional intake, rest and exercise, as well as risk behaviors such as
smoking, drinking alcoholic beverage, and drug use that lead to adverse health
outcomes. Many of these are associated with serious health problems such as
cardiac or respiratory diseases, cancer, complicated pregnancies or deliveries,
and psychological disorders in later life.10

b. Many of the factors that contribute to health risks are preventable if identified
and changed at an early stage. Therefore, the promotion of healthy behaviors
among young people is essential.

c. A healthy lifestyle is a way of living that lowers the risk of being seriously ill or
dying early (World Health Organization). It helps in keeping and improving
people's health and well-being.

d. As teenagers, it is important for you to develop healthy lifestyle habits and a

positive body image to ensure good health and wellbeing during and after
adolescence.

2. To have good health and well-being, you should focus on the following:

a. Physical health – taking care of your body.

• Exercise regularly – BE ACTIVE!

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

○ Teens should be physically active at least 60 minutes every day. Daily

physical activity is a great way to keep your body healthy. It helps to
make you strong and agile, and makes your heart and lungs work better,
too.

○ Getting fit and keeping fit is a great way to use your time, feel good
about yourself, make new friends, and improve your chances of having
good health.

• Eat a healthy and well-balanced diet

○ Taking healthy and nutritious food or diet is an important part of your

physical growth and development during adolescence. Eat plenty of
fruits and vegetables, whole grains, a variety of protein foods, and low-
fat dairy products to make sure you are getting the nutrition you need.
Try to eat plenty of protein found in fish, meat, cheese, milk, eggs, and
beans.

○ You also need complex carbohydrates. They are found in rice, corn,
sweet potatoes, and other root crops. For your vitamins and minerals,
you must eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables of different types and
colors.

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SHAPE

○ Drink plenty of water and avoid processed and sweetened beverages.

○ Avoid “junk food” or those that have too much of things that you do not
need, or do not contain what we mostly need.

• Maintain a healthy weight

○ Children and teenagers with obesity are more likely to have obesity as
an adult. They are also at higher risk for other chronic illnesses,
depression, and bullying.

○ Avoid unhealthy diet practices or eating disorders such as Anorexia,

Bulimia, and binge eating disorder in maintaining your desired weight.
▪ People with anorexia have a real fear of weight gain and a distorted
view of their body size and shape. As a result, they eat very little and
can become dangerously underweight. Many teens with anorexia
restrict their food intake by dieting, fasting, or exercising
excessively. They hardly eat at all and very conscious of their calorie
intake. People with anorexia are very thin and underweight.
▪ People with bulimia excessively eat and then try to compensate in
extreme ways such as making themselves throw up or exercising all
the time to prevent weight gain. Over time, these steps can be
dangerous — both physically and emotionally. They can also lead to
compulsive behaviors (ones that are hard to stop). People with
bulimia may be on average weight or can be overweight.
▪ People with binge eating disorder is similar to anorexia and bulimia
because a person binges regularly on food (at least once a week, but
typically more often). But unlike the other eating disorders, a
person with binge eating disorder does not try to “compensate” by
purging the food.
▪ Eating disorders can lead to the development of serious physical
health problems such as heart conditions or kidney failure.

• Get enough and good sleep

○ Teens need about eight (8) to ten (10) hours of sleep each night to
function best. However, many adolescents sleep less than eight (8)
hours.

○ Having good sleep habits indeed can make significant impact on your
health and wellbeing.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

▪ Sleep helps reduce stress. If you do not get enough sleep it usually
reacts by producing an elevated level of stress hormones. A good
sleep can prevent it to happen.
▪ Sleep improves memory. While you are sleeping, our body is at rest
but our brain is still at work - organizing and storing your
memories. Thus, a good sleep will help you remember and process
information.
▪ Sleep sets one in a better mood. Lack of sleep can really affect your
mood and make you easily annoyed or agitated. A good sleep
therefore can make you calm, composed and reasonable.

○ How to get a good sleep:

▪ Maintain a sleep schedule. Allot seven to eight hours of sleep and go
to sleep and wake up at the same time every day. A consistent sleep
pattern reinforces our body’s sleep-wake cycle.
▪ Do not sleep hungry or stuffed. Drinking coffee or any beverage with
caffeine should also be avoided a couple of hours before bedtime for
it might also disrupt a good sleep.
▪ Create an environment conducive for a good sleep. Make your room
that is conducive for sleeping. Ideally, it should be cool, dark and
quiet.
▪ Fit in physical activity in daily routine. Regular physical activities
may also induce good sleep however such activities should be
avoided hours before bedtime.
▪ Manage anxiety. Try to resolve worries or concerns before going to
sleep. If it cannot be resolved, try to set aside for tomorrow.

• Keep up with vaccinations

○ Get a flu shot every year. If you have not gotten the human
papillomavirus (HPV) vaccine, ask your parents and doctor about it. It
can prevent you from getting HPV and some kinds of cancer, including
cervical cancer.

• Maintain good grooming and hygiene

○ Brush and floss your teeth. Make it a habit now, and prevent tooth and
gum problems in adulthood. Brushing removes plaque and reduces the
number of bacteria in your mouth. Bacteria in the mouth multiply
quickly.

LIVING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE 44

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▪ Teens with braces should pay special attention to cleaning your

teeth. Not cleaning your teeth thoroughly allows food to collect
around the wires or plastic, causing splotched teeth or tooth decay.
▪ Visit a dentist at least twice a year for a check-up and professional
cleaning to remove plaque from below the gums. Take note that
tobacco and caffeine drinks can stain the teeth, in addition to their
negative health effects.
▪ Avoid sugary or starchy foods. These kinds of food increase
production of acids that attack tooth enamel.

○ Girls, because you have monthly periods, you need to practice good
personal hygieneto help protect yourselves from infections.

▪ After going to the bathroom, wipe from front to back to avoid

spreading bacteria from your anus to your vagina. Avoid heavily
perfumed soaps or shower gels. These can sometimes irritate the
delicate skin in the vulva area.
▪ If you get a vaginal infection or a discharge that smells unpleasant,
is thick, yellowish or darker, and causes itching or burning, it can be
a sign of infection. You should see a family doctor who will be able
to recommend the proper treatment.
▪ Panty liners are products designed for daily hygiene that are worn
outside of your body but inside your underwear, like a pad (sanitary
napkin). Panty liners are great for absorbing daily vaginal discharge
or light flow during your period.
▪ Every girl is different, so just change it as often as you need to stay
feeling fresh and clean - up to once in every three (3) to four (4)
nhours. To dispose of it, treat it like a pad.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

▪ Pads absorb your menstrual flow when you have your period. They
have a soft, absorbent, cotton-like layer on the top, and a sticky tape
on the back to keep them firmly in place. They help give you clean,
dry protection throughout your period, from light days to heavy
days and all the days in between.
▪ You should change your pad every four to six hours. Change it more
often if your flow is heavy. How often you change it also depends on
what kind of pad you are wearing. Your pad may start to leak if you
wear it too long.

○ Take care of your skin. At puberty, changes in your skin are caused by
body hormones. The sebaceous or oil glands in your skin become
enlarged and more active, producing excess amounts of an oily
substance called sebum.

▪ Oil glands are in the skin throughout your body. But there are some
of them on your face, especially across your forehead, on your nose,
chin, neck, shoulders, upper chest, and back. These are the areas
where pimples and acne are most likely to appear.
▪ Pimples and acne develop when bacteria grow in the pores of your
skin that are clogged with oil and dirt. Pimples can be prevented
through regular washing. Acne, which is a more severe case of
pimples, cannot always be prevented by washing. But there are
ways to prevent and treat acne from getting worse.
▪ To help get rid of everyday dirt and oil on your face, wash your face
twice daily with a gentle soap or cleanser, which can be medicated
or not. Deep cleanse with a cleanser containing salicylic acid. Do not
scrub your face hard. It only aggravates pimple breakouts.

LIVING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE 46

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▪ Almost all adolescents have skin problems. It is part of being not a

kid anymore. So, if you develop pimples, do not let this destroy your
confidence or self-esteem.
▪ Wear sunscreen. Getting just one bad sunburn as a child or teenager
increases your risk of getting skin cancer as an adult.

○ Just as your oil glands produce more oil called sebum, your sweat glands
produce more sweat called perspiration. This can also cause you to have
low self-esteem. But perspiration is normal and important. It helps your
body regulate its temperature.
▪ You have two (2) different kinds of sweat glands. The first type
called eccrine glands produce perspiration that is clear and
odorless. These glands start working as soon as you are born. The
second type called apocrine glands only becomes active when you
start puberty. They are mostly located under your arms and in your
genital area. They produce a different kind of perspiration, which
can smell unpleasant when it comes in contact with bacteria on the
skin. This smell is known as body odor.
▪ A lot of apocrine glands are located under your arms, so many
people use underarm deodorants or antiperspirants to control the
smell.

○ Hair care is an important aspect of caring for yourself during

adolescence. Hair care shows that you take care of yourself and it is part
of having a clean and neat appearance.
▪ Develop a routine for taking care of your hair, just as you do for
your skin. It is simple: just use a shampoo, followed by a
conditioner, every time you wash your hair.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

b. Mental health – taking care of your mind11.

• Learn ways to manage stress. You cannot avoid stress, so you need to
learn how to manage it. This will help you stay calm and be able to function
in stressful situations.
○ Get enough sleep. Ideally, adolescents should get at least eight (8)
hours a night. To get enough sleep, cut back on watching TV or engaging
in a lot of screen time through your computers, tablets, or cellphones in
the late evening hours. Avoid drinking caffeine or doing stimulating
activities too close to bedtime.
○ Be preoccupied with what you are good at. Focus on your strengths
and the things that you are good at. Choose your battle – do not focus on
the things that give you unnecessary stress or tension.
○ Be active and do things that make you happy. Be active in activities
that you enjoy alone or with your friends.
○ Find time to relax. Always be at peace with yourself. Drive away
negative energies by relaxation and breathing exercises such as
reflections or yoga.
• Study and be engaged in academic activities. There is a strong link
between health and academic success. Find hobbies that stimulate your
thinking.

c. Emotional health – taking care of your feelings12.

• Be aware of your moods and feelings. Avoid negative feelings such as

anxiety, depression, and anger. Express these emotions in healthy way (see
Session 2, Module 3).
• Talk to somebody about your feelings. Find an adult you can trust. If you are
feeling really sad or are thinking about harming yourself, get help right away.
If you feel like you have low self-esteem or a poor body image, talk to
someone about it. Even just talking to a friend can help.
• Don’t bully other people. And if you are being bullied, tell a parent, teacher,
or other adult. This includes being bullied online or on your phone.

d. Be safe and secure – avoid risky behaviors13.

• Avoid substance use or abuse. This includes alcohol, street drugs, other
people’s prescription drugs, and any type of tobacco product.
• Drive safely. Avoid unsafe driving practices. Always use your seat belt.
Avoid riding in a car full of other teenagers. This can distract the driver and

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make an accident more likely. Do not drive while drunk or never get in a car
with a driver who has been drinking.
• Wear protective headgear. Wear a helmet when you are riding a bike or
participating in sports to prevent concussions. Concussions at a young age
can have lifelong negative effects on your health.
• Avoid violence. Stay away from situations where violence or fighting may
cause you to be physically injured.
• Practice abstinence (no sex) or safe sex. Practicing safe sex is also part of
a healthy lifestyle. If you will engage in sex, always use condoms to help
avoid sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you are a sexually active girl,
talk to your doctor about contraceptives. If you can’t use contraceptives, use
condoms.

3. Synthesis of the session:

a. Preventing risky behavior and promoting healthy choices among adolescents

can yield positive health outcomes, not just during adolescence, but also during
adulthood.

b. Exercise to keep your mind and body healthy. Keep busy and you won’t get
bored and sad. Join teams and play sport with friends. Get plenty of sleep to help
your body to rest and grow. Eat healthy food. Feel happy that your body is
working well.

c. Keep yourself clean. Look after your clothes. Try to look neat and tidy. Be
friendly and happy, and people will be the same to you.

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CLOSING ACTIVITY. Healthy Lifestyle Campaign

1. Group the participants into four.

2. Instruct the participants:

a. Now that we have realized the importance of heaving a healthy lifestyle

especially among adolescents, let us use our creativity to promote healthy
lifestyle among our peers.

b. Creatively think and produce a two-minute advertisement through skit or role

play that promotes healthy lifestyle among adolescents. You may print or post
the title of your advertisement. Present your advertisement to the plenary.

c. Assign a group member who will take a video of your presentation (using your
cellphone). Play the video in the plenary during breaktime.

3. Process the activity after all the presentations by asking:

a. What key messages did you get from the advertisement?

b. How did you feel while you were doing the activity?

c. What insights did you gain from the activity?

4. As final message, say:

a. You learned in the previous sessions that you are unique as you are. You can
further improve your self-esteem by keeping your body healthy and clean all the
time - exercising, eating nutritious foods, getting enough sleep, and feeling happy
that your body is working well.

b. Be happy and friendly and people will be the same to you!

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Session 4.5.
BEING GENDER-SENSITIVE, RESPECTFUL, AND RESPONSIBLE IN RELATIONSHIPS

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SESSION OBJECTIVES

At the end of the session, participants are able to:

1. Differentiate sex and gender.

2. Describe how gender roles and norms affect relationships.

3. Demonstrate ways of being gender-sensitive, respectful and responsible in

relationship.

Time Allotment Materials Needed Methodology

90 minutes For Opening Activity: • Group activity
• Small sheets of paper
• Bowl or box
• Metacards
• Markers
• Adhesive tape

For Closing Activity:

• Sheet of paper for the various scenarios
• Metacards
• Markers
• Adhesive tape

OPENING ACTIVITY. He or She?

1. Before this activity, write each of the following on a slip of paper, fold each paper,
and put them in a box. You can write additional questions if there are more pairs.

a. You are going to the department store, what will you buy for him/her?

b. You are asked by your teacher to clean the room. Who mops or scrubs the floor,
he or she?

c. You are going to church, what should he/she wear?

d. You are going to college, what course should he/she take?

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e. You want to engage in sports, what kind of sport should he/she join?

f. On your first date, you are going to watch a movie. Who pays for the movie - he
or she?

g. You are a couple and you are having an argument, who gives way – he or she?

h. You are a couple, who makes decisions – he or she?

i. You are a romantic couple, who initiates the first kiss – he or she?

j. Who is allowed to stay late with friends, he or she?

k. Who should do the laundry, he or she?

l. Who should feed the dog, he or she?

m. Who gets pregnant, he or she?

n. Who produces sperm, he or she?

o. Who produces breastmilk, he or she?

p. Who gets an erection, he or she?

q. Who proposes marriage, he or she?

r. You like each other. Who first says “I love you” or “I like you”?

s. Who gets a circumcision, she or he?

t. Who cooks food, he or she?

u. Who goes to market, she or he?

v. You are a newly married couple, who decides on the number of children you will
have, he or she?

w. Who gets to be a manager, she or he?

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x. Who gets to be a dressmaker, she or he?

y. Who looks after a baby, she or he?

2. Introduce the activity:

a. Some of you may already be feeling good about yourselves, maybe because your
family showers you with love, care, and support. But sometimes you feel that
some people around you treat you differently because you are a boy, a girl, or
you do not behave in the way boys or girls are taught to behave. Being treated
differently can make you feel down about yourself and cause you to have a low
self-esteem.

b. In this session, we will look into your differences as boys and girls, and how
those differences make you feel. We will also look into how those differences
make you behave in certain ways when relating with each other.

3. Form pairs of a boy and a girl, and ask all pairs to stand in a circle. [If there are more
boys or more girls, form same-sex pairs and ask one to assume being a boy or girl.]

4. To add fun, play music. While the music plays, pass the box around the circle. Stop
the music. Ask the pair that holds the box to pick out one paper, read the question on
it, answer the question, and briefly explain their answer. Repeat the process until all
pairs are able to answer a question.

5. On the board, make two (2) interesting big circles or oblongs. Label one (1)
circle/oval “He” and the other circle “She.” As pairs answer their question, write on
the appropriate circle the things they assigned to “He” or “She.” Write on the
intersection of the circles the things they assign to both “He” and “She.”

HE SHE

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6. Using the diagram, summarize the attributes they assigned to “He,” “She,” or to both.

7. Process the activity by asking:

a. How did you feel about the activity? Was it easy or hard? Why was it easy or
hard?

b. What have you realized about the questions asked and the answers you have
given?

c. Are there roles or tasks that are exclusively assigned to boys or girls? Are there
roles or tasks shared by boys and girls?

d. What are your reflections about being boys or girls? Are you happy or sad with
such assignment of roles and tasks? Why?

8. Introduce the key message of the session:

a. As we are born into the world, there are existing differences between male and
female that are constructed and observed by our culture and society. In many
cases, these differences in terms of roles, behaviors, and expectations between
boys and girls or men and women have engendered or caused unequal power
relations between the two sexes. These unequal gender power relations have
further caused discrimination and inequality between men and women, with
women mostly at the disadvantaged position.

b. In this session, we will learn how to be gender-sensitive which is a basic attitude

and behavior in improving various types of relationships.

KEY MESSAGES
1. The foundation of an enabling and respectful relationship is the recognition that all
human beings are equal. Regardless of sex, age, sexual orientation and gender
identity, economic status, and other social categorization, we have equal rights and
responsibilities toward each other.

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2. Many of the discrimination and inequality happening in the society are based on the
sex and gender of individuals. To avoid this discrimination and inequality, you have
to be gender-sensitive, that is, being mindful of the way you think about people’s
gender or their being male or female.

a. The only difference between male and female is their biological sex
characteristics (as previously discussed in Session 3, Module 3). These
characteristics are biologically or genetically determined.

b. At birth, a newborn is identified as male if he has a penis and a female if she has
a vagina. Based on their biological functions as male and female, only males
produce sperm and only females produce eggs and can become pregnant.

c. As you grow, you learn various social expectations and attitudes associated with
your sex. These expectations come from your family, religion, school, media,
community, and other institution you belong. You learn to think, feel, and behave
according to these expectations.

d. These socially constructed expectations, roles, attitude, and characteristics are

called “gender.”

e. Each culture has standards about the way that people should behave based on
their gender.

• Beginning at infancy and throughout childhood, your family, religion, and

school taught and expect you to look and behave according to your sex.

○ Males are usually expected to look and act in “masculine” ways, which
include: having a muscled body to appear strong; not expressive of
emotions; being brave, athletic, and not afraid of violence; being in-
charge of the family; financially successful; a father; having many sexual
partners; powerful, etc.

○ Females are expected to look and act in “feminine” ways, which include:
being quiet; considerate; submissive; non-violent; modest; having a
shapely body; a mother; loyal; to have sex only with husband, etc.

• Media reinforces these expectations by creating images that show how boys
can be “masculine” and how girls can be “feminine.” Advertisements show
males having muscled body to appear strong and powerful and present
females as meek and dependent on males, or as object of sexual feelings of

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males. Movies also show males engaging in fights or killings and females as
outcast if they become pregnant out of wedlock.

• Since many teenage boys aim to perform toughness to conform to the

expected image of “real” men, they tend to experiment on risky lifestyles in
which they can prove their manliness. Behaviors like extensive alcohol
consumption, experimenting with drugs and gambling serve to create the
desired image.

f. The prevailing gender and expectations about males and females in the country
cause discrimination, abuse, and unequal power relations putting women or
girls at the disadvantage. These gender-based characterization or expectations
limit the capacity of male and female to achieve their full potentials and it affects
the way they relate with each other especially in making decisions. Some
behaviors that cause discrimination and abuse include the following:

• Gender biases and stereotypes. Stereotypes are ideas we have about

people where we judge them without even knowing them. People often
judge others just because they are a male or a female.

○ Gender biases and stereotypes are socially constructed expectations and

standards of how you are supposed to look as boys or girls (e.g. boys
having short hair or being muscly), what you can do (e.g. women take
care of the house, but men go out to work), and how you should act (e.g.
boys are aggressive while girls are gentle and sensitive).

○ For example, poor school performances of boys have been linked to the
influence of gender since the typical attributes of a good student like
obedience, discipline, orderliness, diligence and friendliness match the
image of a stereotypical girl, but not with that of a boy.

○ In choices of courses, boys tend to choose courses that are “fitted” to

males such as military, engineering, automotive or other technical and
vocational courses. While girls tend to choose those that are supposedly
for women such as nursing, midwifery, and other health-related courses.

○ Since these stereotypes are socially constructed, they can be challenged

and changed. Every person has the right to choose what he or she wants
to become or to do.

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• Multiple-burden among women. This entails the assumption and

performance of several tasks and responsibilities. For example, a working
mother/wife who is also expected to do most of the household chores after
she is supposed to rest after a day of work.

○ Adolescent girls are expected to help in the household chores after

studies while boys are taking rest, socializing with friends, or doing
other things.
○ When an adolescent girl gets pregnant, she carries the burden of
carrying and rearing the child while trying to complete her education or
earn a living especially when the father of her child abandons them.

• Marginalization and subordination. This involves actions and attitude

that treat persons as second-class or inferior based on sex. It specifically
treats women as the weaker sex.

○ This is manifested by compelling or coercing girls to have sex or to do

sexual activities even against her will because of the assumption that
women should be subordinate to men.

• Gender-based violence and violence against women. This pertains to

violence that results from unequal power relations between men and
between women. Violence against women is understood as a violation of
human rights and discrimination against women. Gender‐based violence
usually results in physical, sexual, psychological or economic harm or
suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary
deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life.

○ Violence against girls and women at the household level is common in

the country. It takes place throughout their lives, starting in infancy and
continuing to old age. Examples include the preference for a male child,
trafficking for labor and sexual abuse, rape, wife beating, food or
economic restriction, and early marriage, among others.

○ There are various factors that make girls and women vulnerable to acts
of violence, such as:
▪ They lack power;
▪ They have low status;
▪ They are often less educated;
▪ They are often poor and economically dependent on men and this
inequality places them in a situation where they are easily abused;

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▪ Cultural beliefs and values reinforce rigid gender roles and the low
status of women;
▪ Limited awareness (among both females and males) about the
rights of girls and women; and
▪ Boys and men commonly drink alcohol and use other mind-altering
substances which impair judgement and/or make them violent.

○ As adolescents, you can prevent gender-based violence by:

▪ Completing your education to secure a more stable socio-economic
situation today and in the future;
▪ Be informed and knowledgeable about the nature of gender-based
violence, its root causes in the enforcement of gender norms and
gender inequality, and how to properly prevent or report them to
authorities;
▪ Avoid situations and behaviors that can expose you to violence (e.g.
doing risky behaviors such as drinking alcohol and taking illegal
drugs);
▪ Be actively involved in various campaigns and activities in schools
and communities against violence; and
▪ Develop and enhance your various life skills (e.g. critical thinking,
negotiation, and refusal, etc.).

4. You can help stop the inequalities between boys and girls by always being respectful
and responsible in your romantic relationships.

a. You can build mutually respectful and responsible relationships by:

• Respecting yourself. This means that you are comfortable with yourself,
you value yourself, you recognize your strengths and weaknesses, and you
know your rights. In short, you have a good sense of yourself or you have a
high self-esteem.

• Being aware and comfortable with your own feelings and values. This
means that you know your feelings toward the other person, you know what
you value in a relationship, and you know your limits.

• Being sensitive to other people’s feelings and respecting their dignity

and rights. This means that you do not hurt the feelings of other important
people in your life like your family and friends. This also means you do not
take actions that will hurt the feelings or violate the rights of your partner.

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• Be honest, trusted, and authentic. This means that you are sincere and
you have good intentions.

• Nurturing open communication. This means that you are able to express
yourself clearly and assertively.

• Maintaining a “give and take” (reciprocity) relationship. This means that

you give and receive love in return; you respect your partner and you get
respect in return.

• Caring for, spending time with, and paying attention to each other.

5. Synthesis of the session:

a. The foundation of an enabling and respectful relationship is the recognition that

all human beings are equal.

b. To avoid discrimination and inequality between sexes, you have to be gender-

sensitive, that is, being mindful of the way you think about people’s gender or
their being male or female.

c. You can help stop the inequalities between boys and girls by always being
respectful and responsible in your romantic relationships.

CLOSING ACTIVITY. Gender-based Violence in School14

1. Print the following scenarios in a piece of paper:

a. SCENARIO 1. SAMANTHA

Samantha is a new student in your school. She is very beautiful and often wears
short skirts and sexy clothes. She has become popular and seen with different boys
almost every month. She gained reputation as an “easy-to-get” girl such that most
of the other girls avoid her and do not let her join their group.

In a school party, Samantha was seen dancing and flirting with Alex. As Alex tried
to push his hand up Samantha’s skirt, she started screaming at him to stop. Alex
called her a ‘bitch’ and walked off. On Monday everyone in the school was

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discussing how this incident was Samantha’s fault because she was ‘asking for it’
with her ‘provocative’ behavior.

• How do you think Alex and Samantha’s classmates made her feel?
• How do you view Samantha’s classmates’ behavior? What were they trying
to achieve?
• How do you view Alex’s behavior? What was he trying to achieve?
• Would you define Samantha’s experience as gender-based violence? Why do
you say so?
• What do you think Samantha should do now?
• What would you do/say if you were Samantha’s friend?
• What would you do/say if you were Alex’s friend?

b. SCENARIO 2. ANDREA

Andrea is a new student. As a new student, she tried to befriend other students and
belong to a group. Sheila, one of the students in the school whom Andrea is trying
to befriend borrowed her mobile phone to contact her parents. As Sheila was using
Andrea’s phone, she was laughing with a group of students in the corridor.

After an hour, Andrea was seen crying as groups of students were also seen
laughing. As you asked your classmates what happened, they told you that Andrea
received a number of text messages from boys she did not even know telling her
their desire to have sex with her. You later found out this was because Sheila used
Andrea’s phone to send a text message saying ‘Contact me for free sex’ to most of
the boys in the school.

• How do you think Andrea’s classmates made her feel?

• How do you view Sheila’s behavior? What was she trying to achieve?
• How do you view the behavior of the other people involved (the students
who were laughing and the boys who answered the text message)? What
were they trying to achieve?
• Would you define Andrea’s experience as gender-based violence? Why do
you think so?
• What do you think Andrea should do now?
• What would you do/say if you were Andrea’s friend?
• What would you do/say if you were Sheila’s friends?

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c. SCENARIO 3. JERICHO

Jericho is a good-looking student from you class. A number of girls in the school
have a crush on him but it was Grace who took courage to flirt with Jericho and
directly invited him on a date. Jericho declined the invitation. Since then, Grace and
her friends laugh at him every time he walks past them and would ask him loudly
whether he ‘prefers boys to girls’ especially if there are many students around.
Teachers and students alike overheard them say this but they ignored the
comments and even laugh at times.

• How do you think Grace and her friends made Jericho feel?
• How do you view Grace’s behavior? What was she trying to achieve?
• How do you view the behavior of Grace’s friends and the teachers who
ignored the comment and laugh at him? What were they trying to achieve?
• Would you define Jericho’s experience as gender-based violence? Why do
you think so?
• What do you think Jericho should do now?
• What would you do/say if you were Jericho’s friend?
• What would you do/say if you were Grace’s friend?

d. SCENARIO 4. SANDRA

Sandra is a new and beautiful student in your school. Her classroom is located near
the place where many boys gather during breaktime. Every time she passes
through them, the boys would whistle and comment some joke and make sexual
innuendos about her such as: “What a sexy girl!,” “Look at her bottom! I would
have sex with her if she’ll give me a chance”.

• How do you think the boys made Sandra feel?

• How do you view the boys’ behavior? What were they trying to achieve?
• Would you define Sandra’s experience as gender-based violence? Why do
you think so?
• What do you think Sandra should do now?
• What would you do/say if you were Sandra’s friend?
• What would you do/say if you were a friend of one of the boys?

2. Divide the participants into four (4) groups. Hand out a different scenario to each
group.

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3. Ask students to read the scenarios and then discuss the questions among themselves.
Let them write their responses in a metacard to be posted in an easel sheet.

4. Gather them back to the plenary and ask the students to very briefly summarize the
plot of their scenario and their group discussion. Discuss the scenarios with the
entire group.

5. Wrap-up the session by emphasizing the following points:

a. A respectful and responsible relationship is one that is free from discrimination,

subordination, and violence particularly on the basis of sex or gender identity.
Each and every one of you can break the cycle of violence by speaking-up and
promoting a gender-fair society.

FURTHER READINGS FOR FACILITATORS

• FACT SHEET 32 (Gender Concepts)

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Session 4.6.
BEING RESPECTFUL
AND RESPONSIBLE ONLINE

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SESSION OBJECTIVES
At the end of the session, participants are able to:

1. Discuss benefits and harms of internet use to adolescents.

2. Distinguish between beneficial and harmful online materials.

3. Describe ways to use social media and the internet safely, respectfully, and
responsibly.

Time Allotment Materials Needed Methodology

45 minutes • Cellphone with access to internet • Group activity

OPENING ACTIVITY. One, Two, Three: Freeze!

1. Introduce the activity with the following discussions:

a. What is the internet? [Take few responses.]

b. Who among you here have been using the internet? [Ask for a show of hands.]

c. How long have you been using the internet? [Take few responses.]

d. Who among you here does not use the internet? [Ask for a show of hands.]

e. Why do you not use the internet? [Take few answers.]

f. How do you use the internet? Is internet helpful or harmful? What helpful and
harmful information do you get from the internet? These and more are questions
we will answer in this activity.

2. Form four (4) small groups (mixed-sex). Instruct the groups to:

a. Discuss and list down the benefits and harm from using the internet.

b. Ask two (2) groups to each choose one “benefit” from their list and to act it out.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

c. Ask the other two (2) groups to choose one “harm” from their list and to act it
out as well.

d. Separately present their act in 30 seconds and to freeze for another 30 seconds
after hearing you shout, “One, Two, Three, Freeze!”

e. While the presenting group is on “freeze,” other groups make a guess of what
situation was presented.

3. Ask each group to make its presentation and the other groups to make a guess of
what “benefit” or “harm” was presented.

4. Process the activity by asking:

a. How did you feel about the activity?

b. What was the most significant learning you gained from the activity particularly
in relation to using the internet?

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KEY MESSAGES

1. The internet is a powerful tool for learning. Children and young people like you use
the internet for many different reasons.

a. The Internet has emerged in the last decades as an extremely important conduit
for information and communications.

b. According to the 2013 Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality Study (YAFS 4),
Filipino youth of today are digitally wired or connected online.

• About 78% have a cellular phone, 59% use the internet, and 53% have a
social networking account.
• Many adolescents create and maintain virtual or online friendships. The
youth meet and maintain friends through the internet and cellular phone.
• Some youth manifest symptoms of internet addiction.

c. The internet is used for almost all human needs such as obtaining information
and services, entertainment, social networking, communication, business or
enterprise, shopping, news, marketing, among others.

d. Social networking sites such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter help

adolescents like you to keep up with local and long-distance friendships, share
experiences, and support peers.

2. The internet, however, is also a place where children and young people like you can
find harmful materials or dangerous people and relationships.

a. Excessive use and time invested on internet leads to internet addiction. Teens
can develop internet addiction as a recourse in coping with loneliness and
depression and social anxiety.

• Teens who spend excessive time in the virtual world gradually move away
from the real world and start living in a world of fantasy. After a certain
period, they become dependent on the internet to feel upbeat. When they
cannot access Internet, they start experiencing anxiety, sadness and
depression.

b. Adolescents who spend most of their time in browsing, chatting or gaming forget
or disregard what they are actually supposed to do. They are unable to keep

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

track of the time they spend in doing such activities resulting to unproductive
use of their time.

c. Those who spend too much time in the internet suffer sleep-related issues like
late sleep time, insufficient or restless sleep, and late waking time. This sleep
deprivation/disturbance can also worsen or magnify symptoms of anxiety and
depression.

d. Through internet, adolescents tend to become part of one or several online

communities. They end up developing close friendships or intimate
relationships with a lot of individuals. With long hours spent in connecting with
their virtual friends and relationships, they often end up isolating themselves
from their families and peers. Moreover, since they do not fully know their
virtual friends, they are exposed to risks of meeting dangerous and exploitive
strangers.

e. Adolescents are also exposed to the dangers of cyber bullying in using the
Internet. Victims of cyber bullying may feel insulted or embarrassed because of
the negative comments or opinions. When adolescents cannot cope well with
cyber bullying, this may lead to depression, stress, low self-esteem, and possibly
suicide.

f. With tons of information on the internet, moral corruption is likely to happen

especially when adolescents are unguided on the value and moral acceptability
of information. Access to violence and sexual contents ultimately determines
their attitude and behaviors.

• Sometimes young people turn to online pornography to learn about sex. It is

natural to be curious about sex and want to learn about it. More often,
however, people look for sex materials to find pleasure rather than search
for information to educate them.
• Pornographic sex often shows exploitation of girls and women, and also
young boys, who are treated as sex objects in a violent way. It can be
harmful to watch a lot of this material because it gives unrealistic ideas
about what sex should be like.
• Watching and enjoying pornography can negatively influence people’s
behavior and beliefs about what is normal and acceptable. This is why young
people like you are strongly advised not to watch pornography.

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3. There are ways to be safe and responsible online, while still having fun.

a. Be respectful – and expect respect

• Treat online friends with as much respect as those you meet face to face.
This means not creating or forwarding nasty or humiliating emails, photos,
or text messages about someone else. If you find someone else being bullied
or attacked online, ask him or her to tell a trusted adult.
• If you get any nasty or bullying comments on your profile pages, the first
step is to delete them. You can also block or unfriend people who do not
treat you with respect online. This sends them the message that it is not OK
to mistreat or bully you or anyone else online.

b. Protect your reputation

• Make sure you understand the consequences of posting your photos and
videos, and uploading other personal content. Once this content is online, it
is very hard to get rid of them and they can become part of your permanent
online reputation.
○ For example, you might think that is OK to post some of your photos and
videos now but you might feel differently about them in the future. So,
think carefully before posting online any personal material.
○ You might want to get the advice of your parents, siblings, or friends on
personal images and other content before you upload them.

c. Protect your privacy

• Share only as much personal information as necessary. It is not compulsory

to enter your year of birth, mobile number, email address, or home address
on all online forms.
• Keep your privacy settings on social networking sites up-to-date so your
profile is not publicly available.
• Keep your passwords private.
• Check the location settings and services on smartphones, tablets, and apps.
You can usually do this by going into Settings or check the user manual for
your device. Turn off the location services you do not need.

d. Watch your tone

• It is often hard to “read” emotions in emails and jokes can easily be

misinterpreted. You can “stop, think, and review” before you send an

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

electronic message or post an online comment. Using emoticons or emoji’s

like smiley faces can help.

e. Be skeptical

• There are lots of dishonest people, places, and offers online. Not everyone
online is who they say they are. You should be careful about what you share
with people you do not know.
• If something seems too good to be true, it probably is not true. Hoax-Slayer
is a good site that uncovers online scams and hoaxes.
• You should also be careful about clicking pop-ups on websites. Some pop-
ups that seem safe can lead to porn sites or ask for personal or financial
information.

4. Synthesis of the session:

a. For adolescents like you, the internet is a space where you can discover new
things, meet new people, socialize with friends and relatives, express yourself
creatively, and have fun. But it also a dangerous place for you if you do not know
how to use it safely and responsibly.

b. Social networking sites such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter help

adolescents like you to keep up with local and long-distance friendships, share
experiences, and support peers. The culture of sharing on the internet also helps
you feel connected to a larger global community.

c. Digital citizenship lets you express yourself by posting comments, photos, and
videos. You can explore your values and act on issues you care about by starting
or signing online petitions, joining or creating online communities and interest
groups, or just by creating content.

d. Sometimes the anonymity of the internet can be a bonus – for example, if you
want to explore aspects of your identity, or want help for an issue you are
worried or embarrassed about.

e. Moreover, the internet gives adolescents good access to news and health
information, and many turns to the internet first to find out about themselves
and the world.

f. But the internet is also filled with dangerous materials and people. Be skeptical
with people you meet online and with dubious websites.

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g. Pornographic sex often shows exploitation of women, girls, and also boys who
are treated as sex objects in a violent way. It can be harmful to watch a lot of this
material because it gives unrealistic ideas about what sex should be like. Also,
watching and enjoying pornography can negatively influence people’s behavior
and beliefs about what is normal and acceptable. This is why young people like
you are strongly advised not to watch pornography.

h. In the Philippines, under Republic Act No. 9775, child pornography is illegal. The
law guarantees to protect children, those who are below 18 years old, from
being used in pornographic performances and materials, and being induced or
coerced to engage or be involved in pornography through whatever means. If
you experienced or know of any similar situation, talk to a trusted adult and ask
for help.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

CLOSING ACTIVITY. Responsible Social Media User

1. Let the participants access internet and open their social medial account.

2. Divide the participants into group of five or four.

3. Provide the following instructions:

a. Access your social media accounts (e.g. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.).

b. Grab a picture or message from your posts that you think are reflection or
example of irresponsible use of social media. Gather such posts into one file and
make a collage out of the picture through a collage application.

c. Discuss with your group why you think the posts you grabbed is an example of
irresponsible use of social media. What makes it irresponsible?

d. After discussion, make a slogan against irresponsible use of social media or

messages that promotes responsible use of such media.

e. Show and project the collage including the slogan in the plenary and discuss
summary of the discussion.

4. Process the activity by asking:

a. What did you feel about the posts?

b. What did you learn from the session?

c. How do you think you can apply that learning in your daily life?

5. Wrap-up the session by emphasizing the following points:

a. Explore the internet, make the most out of it, but be responsible digital citizens.
Respect others, protect yourself, and keep yourself safe online. Stay away from
pornography.

b. Do not forget there are people around you who also need your attention – your
parents, your brothers and sisters, and your friends. So, do not stay too long on
your computer or smart phone.

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Session 4.7.
COMMUNICATING ASSERTIVELY

73 COMMUNICATING ASSERTIVELY
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SESSION OBJECTIVES
At the end of the session, participants are able to:

1. Discuss the importance of communicating assertively.

2. Demonstrate ways to communicate assertively, clearly, directly, and respectfully in

uncomfortable situations.

Time Allotment Materials Needed Methodology

45 minutes For Opening Activity • Group activity
• Pieces of paper where each message is
written

OPENING ACTIVITY (OPTION 1). Pass the Message

1. Introduce the activity with the following discussions:

a. Knowing how to express yourself so that you are understood, and being able to
understand what other people are trying to say are important and empowering
skills.

b. These skills can help you develop relationships that are based on mutual
understanding, satisfaction, and respect. They can help you resolve conflicts
respectfully and without violence. They can help you feel good about yourself
and about your relationships.

c. Let us begin with a very simple activity called “Pass the Message.”

2. Divide the participants into two (2) groups.

3. Provide the following instructions:

a. The first group shall form a line on my left; and the other group on my right.

COMMUNICATING ASSERTIVELY 74
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b. I will whisper a message to the first person on your line. That person will pass
on the message to the next person and that person will pass on the message to
the next person. Continue until the message is passed to the last person on your
line. That last person will come to me and deliver back to me the message by
saying it loudly.

c. Let us have a practice. [Whisper any message to the first person on the two lines.]

4. Use any of the following sample messages or you may think of other messages (You
may write the statements in a piece of paper):

a. “I have the power to choose and decide for myself! It is OKAY to say NO to risky
activities!”

b. “I choose my dreams! I choose to be healthy, empowered, and responsible

adolescent!”

c. “My parents are my partners in my growth and development. I shall maintain

open communication with them including my sexuality.”

5. After the messages were delivered back to you, disclose the exact messages you
whispered to the first person on each line. Reward the winning team.

6. Process the activity by asking:

a. How did you feel while receiving the message from the person before you?

b. When you were passing on the message to the person next to you, how did you
feel? Was it easy or hard? Why?

c. What learning can we get from the activity in relation to communication?

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OPENING ACTIVITY (OPTION 2). How should I say?

1. Introduce the activity:

a. Knowing how to express yourself so that you are understood, and being able to
understand what other people are trying to say are important and empowering
skills.

b. These skills can help you develop relationships that are based on mutual
understanding, satisfaction, and respect. They can help you resolve conflicts
respectfully and without violence. They can help you feel good about yourself
and about your relationships.

c. Let us begin by analyzing the situation of Ysabell.

2. Read the following situation [You may project or print the copy of the situation for
everyone to read]:15

a. Ysabell has been standing in line for over two hours to buy a concert ticket. The
policy is, one person, one ticket only. She has been in the line for hours and she is
already tensed as her mother is already expecting her at home by now. But there
are only five people left in front of her and she is sure she will get a ticket.

Suddenly, however, two girls from school walk up, talk to their friend who is the
person in front of Ysabell, then line up in front of her to also buy a ticket.

What do you think Ysabell should do?

3. Divide the participants into groups of five people. Each group shall role play the
scenario demonstrating how Ysabell should handle the situation. Let each group role
play for three (3) minutes.

4. Process the activity by asking:

a. How do you think will Ysabell feel after making the response you chose?

b. How do you think the two girls who butted in line will feel if Ysabell responds
like you?

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c. What is the worst thing that could happen if Ysabell communicated otherwise or
in a manner different from what you thought?

d. What did you learn from the activity?

KEY MESSAGES
1. Communication is an important part of any relationship, including romantic and
sexual relationships. Communication is important for ensuring that people are
consenting to engage in any activity, including sexual activity.

a. You are able to communicate effectively if the message you conveyed is the same
message received or understood by the receiver. Your ability to communicate is
affected by different factors.

• As unique individuals, each one of you has a unique way of communicating

to others. Your style of communication depends on your mood and on the
style you have learned during your childhood.
• Being a girl or a boy, being a man or woman, or being rich or poor affect
your ability and style of communicating.
• Your ability to communicate is affected by the culture, norms, or traditions
that shaped you as you grew.

2. Communicating aggressively is asking for what you want or expressing how you feel
in an honest and respectful way that does not infringe on another person's rights or
put the individual down.16

a. There are major ways of communicating: being PASSIVE, AGGRESSIVE, and

ASSERTIVE.

• PASSIVE COMMUNICATION. Communicating passively means not

expressing your own needs and feelings, or expressing them so weakly that
they will not be addressed.
○ A person behaving passively may not be able to express him/herself but
feels certain emotions such as anger, jealousy, and other negative
feelings which are usually suppressed. Suppressing negative emotions
can cause depression, low self-esteem, and in some extreme cases
physical illnesses.

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○ A passive response is not usually in your best interest, because it

allows other people to violate your rights. However, there are situations
when communicating passively is the most appropriate response. It is
important to assess whether a situation is dangerous and choose the
response most likely to keep you safe.

▪ A passive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:17

• “I’m unable to stand up for my rights.”
• “I don’t know what my rights are.”
• “I get stepped on by everyone."
• “I’m weak and unable to take care of myself.”
• “People never consider my feelings.”

• AGGRESSIVE COMMUNICATION. Communicating aggressively is

expressing yourself in threatening, sarcastic or humiliating way that may
offend the other person.

○ An aggressive response is never in your best interest, because it almost

always leads to increased conflict and violence. It also violates other
person’s rights.

○ Aggressive communicators are verbally and/or physically abusive.

Aggressive communication is born of low self-esteem (often caused by
past physical and/or emotional abuse), unhealed emotional wounds,
and feelings of powerlessness.

○ The aggressive communicator will say, believe, or behave like:18

▪ “I’m superior and right and you’re inferior and wrong.”
▪ “I’m loud, bossy and pushy.”
▪ “I can dominate and intimidate you.”
▪ “I can violate your rights.”
▪ “I’ll get my way no matter what.”
▪ “You’re not worth anything.”
▪ “It’s all your fault.”
▪ “I react instantly.”
▪ “I’m entitled.”
▪ “You owe me.”
▪ “I own you.”

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• ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION. Communicating assertively means asking

for what you want or saying how you feel in an honest and respectful way
that does not infringe on another person's rights or put the individual down.

○ An assertive response is almost always in your best interest, since it is

your best chance of getting what you want without offending the other
person. At times, however, being assertive can be inappropriate. If
tempers are high, if people have been using alcohol or other drugs, if
people have weapons or if you are in an unsafe place, being assertive
may not be the safest choice.

○ Communicating directly and firmly is not the same as being aggressive.

You can communicate clearly and directly while respecting the feelings
and thoughts of others.

○ The assertive communicator will say, believe, or behave in a way that

says:
▪ “We are equally entitled to express ourselves respectfully to one
another.”
▪ “I am confident about who I am.”
▪ “I realize I have choices in my life and I consider my options.”
▪ “I speak clearly, honestly, and to the point.”
▪ “I can’t control others but I can control myself.”
▪ “I place a high priority on having my rights respected.”
▪ “I am responsible for getting my needs met in a respectful manner.”
▪ “I respect the rights of others.”
▪ “Nobody owes me anything unless they’ve agreed to give it to me.”
▪ “I’m 100% responsible for my own happiness.”

○ Assertiveness is based on balance19. It requires being forthright about

your wants and needs, while still considering the rights, needs and
wants of others. When you are assertive, you are self-assured and draw
power from this to get your point across firmly, fairly and with empathy.

○ Being assertive is not about talking, it is more about being able to

LISTEN.

▪ L – Learn and stand-up for your rights!

• Asserting for your rights entails knowledge about your rights
and that of others. Communicating assertively is striking a
balance between your rights and the rights of others.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

▪ I – Intently and actively listen.

• Communication is the art and skill of receiving a message that

has been sent by another, and effectively responding to that
message. Often, when we communicate, we are misunderstood,
not because we haven’t spoken clearly, but because we haven’t
really heard what was said.

• Assertive communication is all about understanding each other.

As such, listening intently and actively is an important skill in
assertive communication.

▪ S – Say NO!

• Saying NO is hard to do, especially when you want to please

everybody or you do not want to offend the person you are
talking with, but it is important if you want to become more
assertive.

• Knowing your own limits and the consequences of certain

actions gives you better choices and decisions.

• Remember that you never do everything or please everyone, so

it is important that you protect yourself from dangerous or
risky decisions by saying "no" when necessary. When you do
have to say "no," try to find a win-win solution or a positive
compromise that works for everyone.

▪ T - Take criticisms or feedback positively.

• Effective communication is always a two-way process. Accept

both positive and negative feedback graciously, humble, and
positively. If you don't agree with criticism that you receive
then you need to be prepared to say so, but without getting
defensive or angry.

• Empathize and respect each other’s perspectives. Recognize

their points of view and acknowledge that you cannot control
other’s behaviors or reactions. Remember that you can only
control yourself and your own behavior, so do your best to stay
calm and measured if things get tense. As long as you are being

COMMUNICATING ASSERTIVELY 80
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respectful and not violating someone else's needs, then you

have the right to say or do what you want.

▪ E – Exercise assertive communication techniques:20

• Use “I” statements. Use "I want", "I need" or "I feel" to convey
basic assertions and get your point across firmly.

• Empathy. Always try to understand or consider where the

other person is coming from. After considering her or his point
of view, express what you need from her. For example, "I
understand that you are frustrated right now and you want to get
over by drinking alcohol with me. I am sorry but I cannot go with
you since I have already made a commitment to my parents to be
home for a family activity."

• Ask for more time (delay decision). Sometimes, it is best not

to say anything outright. If the action required of you is difficult,
you may honestly tell the person that you need more time to
think about the issue. For example, you might say "Dave, I did
not anticipate your request. I am not yet ready to decide. Can you
give me more time to think about it?"

• Scripting. This method entails a process of preparing what you

want to say in advance, using a four-pronged approach that
describes:

• The event. Tell the other person exactly how you see the
situation or problem. For example, "Klint, you want me to
have sexual intercourse with you several times. I have told
you before that this is one of my limitations because I want to
finish my studies and I am not yet prepared to do that."

• Your feelings. Describe how you feel about the situation

and express your emotions clearly. For example, "This
frustrates me, and makes me feel like you don't understand
and respect my decisions and our agreement."

• Your needs. Tell the other person exactly what you need
from the other person so that she/he does not have to
guess. For example, "I want you to stop talking to me about

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having sex with you because my decision to prioritize my

studies will not change. I want you to support me in my
decision as your girlfriend."

• The consequences. Describe the positive impact that your

request will have for the other person or the company if
your needs are met successfully. "If you do this, we can
support each other to achieve our dreams. We can support
each other in completing our studies. When we are able to do
that, we can have a much better relationship now and in the
future."

▪ N – Nurture and value positive relationships

• Always remember that the end goal of communicating

assertively is to improve and nurture healthy relationships.

• Effective communication can help you protect your own well-

being. This protection includes guarding yourself against
unwanted sex, unwanted pregnancy, STI and HIV, and a possible
conflict that could lead to violence.

5. Synthesis of the session:

a. Factors such as culture, personal, social status, and gender norms affect a
person’s ability to communicate effectively. Most people can learn effective
communication skills and communicate more effectively through practice.

b. Clear communication happens when a message the sender conveyed is the same
message that the receiver understood.

c. In every situation, one of the most important behaviors for good communication
is listening well and with respect. There are specific behaviors that can enhance
communication and behaviors that can impair communication.

d. Communication is an important part of any relationship, including sexual

relationship. Communicating clearly, directly, and respectfully can help protect
your wellbeing. It can guard you against unwanted sex, unwanted pregnancy,
STI and HIV/ AIDS, and conflict that might lead to violence.

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CLOSING ACTIVITY. Asserting Myself

1. Use the following situations to prompt assertive responses. You may write each
statement on a slip of paper, fold each of them, and place them in a small box or
container. Sample responses are also included below in case participants have
difficulty arriving at an appropriate response.

a. Situation 1: During an examination in your class, your seatmate is requesting you

to allow him to copy your answers as he needs to pass, otherwise, he will be
expelled. What will you tell your classmate?

b. Situation 2: You just have received your test scores and you got a low score which
you did not expect. You reviewed your test papers and found that you got the right
answers in the essay portion but your teacher gave you a low score anyway. How
will you tell this to your teacher?

c. Situation 3. Your parents would want you to stop schooling to help them in their
business. How will you respond?

d. Situation 4. Your barkada is encouraging you to go hiking with them. Hiking is an

annual event of your barkada. However, your family has scheduled a family
activity on the same date. What would you tell your friend?

e. Situation 5. Your classmate is enticing you to smoke a cigar just for once. He told
you that all of your peers have already tried it. What will you tell your friend?

f. Situation 6. Your boyfriend is asking you for a kiss on the lips. He insisted that it is
just a kiss and it does not have a serious consequence. And, that he is your
boyfriend anyway. What will you tell your boyfriend?

g. Situation 7. Your boyfriend wanted you to have sex with him if you really love him.
What will you tell him?

h. Situation 8. You are asking your mother if you can go to the house of your friends
to do your group homework. She, however, initially declined because she suspects
that you will just do other things. How will you convince your mother?

2. Form pairs and ask each pair to pick one paper. Write set of the situation
corresponding to the number of pairs to be formed. Some pairs may have the same
situations.

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3. Instruct each pair to respond to the situation on the paper by showing assertive
communication style, and to present its response through a role-play.

4. Ask each pair to present their role-play. After each presentation, ask the others for
their reactions and suggestions to improve communication.

5. As final message, say:

a. When in an uncomfortable situation with another person and you want to get
out of that situation, tell the other person directly, clearly, and respectfully about
what you want to happen.

6. Thank everyone for their active participation.

COMMUNICATING ASSERTIVELY 84
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POST-TEST

OBJECTIVE
Participants are able to describe their skills in dealing and adapting with life challenges.

Duration: 30 minutes

1. Explain that this is a pretest activity and participants should not worry because they
will not be asked to provide facts and figures. Instead, they will be asked to describe
their skills in coping and dealing with life everyday situations, challenges, and tasks.

2. Give each participant with a copy of the matrix below. Instruct them to complete the
sentence with their response for each phrase.

Situations Life Skills (Response)

a. I love my self because...
b. Whenever somebody gives me negative
comment about my physical appearance, I...
c. My goal or aspiration in life is...
d. I will pursue my life goal through the
following...
e. Whenever I make decision, I usually do the
following...
f. The food that are part of my everyday diet
includes…
g. Whenever I see men harassing women, I do the
following...
h. Whenever I see men harassing gays or
homosexuals, I do the following…
i. I protect myself from cyberbullying by...
j. When a person insists his or her idea on me, I
usually respond by…

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3. If participants have more questions or want further clarification, take time to

address them.

4. Thank everyone for their cooperation.

Closing Statement
1. Wrap up the whole module by saying the following:

a. Self-esteem is feeling good about ourselves, and feeling that we are a worthwhile
person. It is important because it shows ourselves how we view the way we are
and the sense of our personal value. Thus, it affects the way we are and how we
behave and relate with others.

b. Being young and carefree, you may not have thought about what you want in
your life. But if you want to have a great life today and, in the future, it is time to
plan for your life and then set goals to achieve them.

c. Your goals become a lot less daunting when you focus on the smaller, more
accessible steps you need to take to achieve them. You can constantly remind
yourself to take things just one step at a time. It makes everything manageable.

d. As you grow through adolescence, you make a lot of choices and decisions. Your
capacity to make good decisions can set you for success later in life. Additionally,
it can make you closer to your dreams and aspirations.

e. In making any choice or decision, you have to ACT – Assess the situation or
problem; Create choices and options; and Take action.

f. Preventing risky behavior and promoting healthy choices among adolescents

can yield positive health outcomes, not just during adolescence, but also during
adulthood.

g. The foundation of an enabling and respectful relationship is the recognition that

all human beings are equal. Regardless of sex, age, sexual orientation and gender
identity, economic status, and other social categorization, we have equal rights
and responsibilities toward each other.

COMMUNICATING ASSERTIVELY 86
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h. Many of the discrimination and inequality happening in the society are based on
the sex and gender of individuals. To avoid this discrimination and inequality,
you have to be gender-sensitive, that is, being mindful of the way you think
about people’s gender or their being male or female.

i. The internet is a powerful tool for learning. Children and young people like you
use the internet for many different reasons. The internet, however, is also a
place where children and young people like you can find harmful materials or
dangerous people and relationships.

j. Communicating aggressively is asking for what you want or expressing how you
feel in an honest and respectful way that does not infringe on another person's
rights or put the individual down.

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MODULE 4
Additional Resources for Facilitators

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FACT SHEET

Gender Concepts

Defining Gender
1. In every society, gender norms, and gender roles influence people’s lives, including
their sexual lives.

2. Gender roles are learned. They are not innate or “natural.” In fact, almost everything
that males can do, females can also do. And almost everything that females can do,
males can also do.

3. Within any culture or society, people have varying attitudes about gender roles and
gender equality.

4. Beliefs about gender also vary from one culture (or society) to another.

5. Gender roles change over time, and in many settings people — especially young
people — are embracing greater gender equality.

6. Greater equality and more flexible gender roles give everyone more opportunities to
develop to his or her full capacity as a human being. In contrast, restrictive gender
roles can limit opportunities.

7. Despite gender inequality (or similar barriers), every day millions of individuals
seek to fulfil their dreams. Although everyone does not automatically enjoy the same
opportunities, many individuals achieve their dreams by fighting for a fair chance
and working hard to take advantage of the opportunities they obtain.

8. The achievement of gender equality is a key goal around the world.

a. Equality between males and females is a matter of human rights.

b. Achieving gender equality is a key part of combating HIV and AIDS, ending child
marriage, reducing unwanted pregnancy, and making pregnancy safer.

c. Gender equality fosters the growth of healthy and prosperous communities and
societies.

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 Sexually Healthy and Personally Empowered Adolescents

d. The United Nations (UN) has identified gender equality as one of eight key
development goals for nations to pursue.

e. Millions of people are actively promoting gender equality — in families, schools,

workplaces, communities, and countries.

Gender Identity
1. At birth, newborns are identified as male or female based on their sex organs. In
many settings, people indicate a baby’s sex through the use of specific names,
jewelry, clothing, and so forth.

2. Some babies whose genitals are not clearly male or female are termed intersex. Some
children (regardless of whether or not they are intersex) come to feel ambiguous
about their gender identity, or clearly identify with the gender other than the one
with which they were reared.

3. Almost all children behave in ways that do not match the stereotypes associated
with their gender. Two examples are:

a. Many girls enjoy sports, excel at math, and have dreams of leading their country
and still feel like girls.

b. Many, if not most, boys enjoy developing close interpersonal relationships,

creating art, and feeling free from constant pressures to achieve and be brave —
but still feel like boys.

Gender Norms and Roles Solidify During Childhood and Adolescence

1. Expected gender roles are apparent in many aspects of family life. For example:

a. Family members model gender norms in their own roles and behaviors.
Depending on the culture and the family, male and female roles might be similar
or they might be distinct.

b. Males and females typically have different responsibilities and roles regarding
infant and child care. Thus, as infants, children begin to observe and absorb
gender norms.

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2. Some families treat boys and girls equally. For example, both sons and daughters are
encouraged and permitted to:

a. seek success in the public sphere;

b. express feelings of vulnerability; and

c. share equally in household chores.

3. However, many families do not treat girls and boys equally. For example, even in
early childhood:

a. In settings with food shortages, infant girls may not be fed as well as their
brothers.

b. Girls are often dressed differently from boys and given different toys.

c. Particularly where resources are scarce, families may work harder to make sure
that their sons are educated.

d. In some societies, females are viewed as the property of their husbands. In these
places, families may be less likely to invest precious resources in feeding and
educating girls, whom they assume will grow up and leave the family.

e. Although many boys have household chores, girls tend to be given more
domestic responsibilities and have less free time than their brothers.

f. Boys may be discouraged from crying or from expressing feelings of

vulnerability.

g. Girls may be discouraged from asserting themselves or from playing “rough”

sports.

4. People — including parents — often reinforce expectations about gender through

language.

5. As young people approach adolescence, they feel more pressure to conform to

culturally determined gender roles.

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6. Despite cultural variation, many adolescent boys share similar experiences.

7. Around the world, boys enjoy more independence and freedom outside the home
than do girls, and have more opportunities to participate in public life. Boys also
often suffer pressure to prove their heterosexuality and manhood, for example, to:

a. be brave and assertive;

b. have money and prepare to become providers;

c. suppress certain emotions (for example, vulnerability and tenderness) or

behaviors that may appear “feminine”;

d. engage in physical violence (against people they know or do not know);

e. perform as an athlete and have a muscular body;

f. avoid seeking health care, or even admitting that they are sick or have been
harmed;

g. “prove” their heterosexuality, for example, by having heterosexual intercourse

or even fathering a child;

h. take risks by engaging in unsafe sex (thus increasing their risk of acquiring HIV
infection); and

i. take physical risks (including with drugs, alcohol, or with a vehicle).

8. Boys may face harassment or brutality by police. This is especially true for boys from
minority or marginalized groups or from low-income neighborhoods. Some boys
face severe beatings for relatively minor misbehavior.

9. Despite cultural variation, many adolescent girls share similar experiences.

10. Around the world, girls tend to enjoy greater opportunity than boys to develop and
practice one-to-one interpersonal skills. Girls also suffer pressures to comply with
norms of femininity, for example, to:

a. be caregivers;

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b. be docile and submissive to males, underplay their intelligence, undervalue or

withhold their opinions and ideas;

c. accept having their rights limited;

d. accept close monitoring of their dress, friendships, and their comings and goings;

e. be careful not to hurt people’s feelings;

f. avoid having sex before marriage, even if they wish to; and

g. give in to having unwanted sex.

11. Rigid gender roles also affect how people treat each other and contribute to suicide,
violence, and many other social problems.

a. People who do not conform to dominant gender norms may be teased, isolated,
or threatened.

b. People who may be particularly subject to such stigma include: individuals

perceived as homosexual, boys who are perceived as having feminine traits,
women with multiple sexual partners, or people who adopt a gender identity
different from the one with which they were reared (transgender people).

12. Despite social norms, millions of young people are determined to “be themselves”
and to realize more of their potential as human beings. They believe in greater
gender equality and in diversity.

a. Many young people are able to resist pressures to conform to an idealized body
image.

b. Many girls have confidence in themselves and their own power. They know that
they can fight for opportunities to work hard, achieve, and pursue their dreams.

c. Many boys feel confident to resist conventional pressures to prove their

manhood.

d. Many boys feel free to express a range of emotions, including vulnerability and
tenderness. Later in life, this freedom may also enhance their capacity and
satisfaction as fathers.

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e. Many young people celebrate diversity and difference.

13. Around the world, gender norms are changing. Young people who work for equality
and justice are helping to bring about that change.

Gender and Marriage

At the age of majority, men and women have the right to marry and found a family; they are
entitled to equal rights as to marriage, during marriage, and at its dissolution (Article 16.1,
UDHR, 1948; Article 16.1, CEDAW, 1979).

Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full consent of intending spouses
(Article 16.2, UDHR, 1948; Article 16.1, CEDAW, 1979). The betrothal and the marriage of a
child shall have no legal effect . . . (Article 16.2, CEDAW, 1979).

1. Many people form long-term (even lifelong) relationships in which they live together.
These are called domestic relationships or domestic partnerships. People have
various reasons for forming such relationships. For example:

a. they love each other, and being together makes them happy;

b. they desire companionship;

c. they need economic security;

d. they want to have children; and

e. their communities or families expect them to have children.

2. Some people in long-term committed domestic relationships marry formally under

the laws of their state or religion. People have various reasons for marrying. For
example:

a. They want to honor or legitimize an intimate relationship in the context of the

values of either or both partners or of their families, community, or society.

b. They want to honor or legitimize childbearing in the context of the values of the
individual or of his or her family, community, religion, or society.

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c. They need benefits that may not be granted to people who are not married or
not allowed to marry, such as health and survivor benefits and social approval of
sexual relations.

d. They comply with their parents’ wishes and plans. (In some settings, parents
typically arrange marriages for their children. They do this to ensure good
matches for their children. They may have concerns for a child’s reputation.
They may also marry off a daughter in order to relieve economic pressures on
the family.) Child marriage (marriage before the age of 18) is a serious violation
of human rights but remains common in some parts of the world.

3. Some people in long-term committed domestic relationships do not marry formally.

People have various reasons for not marrying. For example:

a. Personal choice: A couple may feel comfortable foregoing formal approval by the
state or by a religious institution.

b. They are denied the right to marry. A family or society may prohibit same-sex
marriage or marriage between people of different races, religions, or social
castes.

The couple may lack economic resources (income, dowry, or bride price) needed to
marry.

4. Marriage is a complex and deep-rooted social institution.

a. Marriage may provide many mutual benefits and supports. In many marriages,
both partners work to support each other and to support the rights of the other.

b. Marriage may also reinforce gender norms, including in ways that are unfair and
harmful.

5. Certain social movements promote greater equality and dignity within marriage.
These include:

a. movements to legalize same-sex marriage;

b. campaigns against dowry and child marriage; and

c. legal reforms that ensure a just inheritance, allow both parties to initiate divorce,
and criminalize marital violence, including rape.

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Gender and Religion

Governments should take steps so that tradition and religion and their expressions are not
a basis for discrimination against girls (Paragraphs 24 and 276.d, FWCW Platform for
Action, 1995).

1. Religions hold a wide range of perspectives about gender and sexuality. These
perspectives may change over time. Attitudes also vary within any religion.

2. Many people find that they do not always agree with their religious leader on issues
related to gender and sexuality. Nevertheless, religious perspectives influence the
beliefs and behavior of many people.

3. Religion or religious leaders may influence gender (and sexual) norms in various
ways.

a. Some religious traditions are more egalitarian (equal–minded) with regard to

gender. Others are more patriarchal (based on a system of male power).

b. Religions vary in the degree to which they influence or seek to influence gender
norms, sexuality, and fertility. Religious texts may also be interpreted selectively
to justify or oppose certain practices.

c. Some religious leaders support information about and access to contraception,

condom use, abortion, and sex education. Others oppose such access.

d. Some religions support equal rights for all people, regardless of sexual identity.
(This includes permission to be ordained as a religious leader.) Other religions
oppose homosexuality and the rights of people who are homosexual.

e. Some religions or religious leaders reinforce a double standard of sexuality.

They do this by blessing both female virginity and faithfulness within marriage
while condoning polygyny (the practice whereby men have multiple wives).
However, others do not.

f. Some religions and religious leaders support gender equality in divorce,

inheritance, and community life. In other settings, religious laws or practices
may restrict women’s movement, or forbid them equal (or any) rights in terms
of divorce, inheritance, or other family matters. Religious laws sometimes
conflict with civil law.

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4. Women are often denied the opportunity to participate equally with men in religious
life.

a. Women typically assume many of the community-support activities for religious

institutions, but have limited opportunities for leadership within those
institutions.

b. In some religious institutions, women are not allowed to pray together with men.

5. Around the world, people, including many religious leaders, are working to promote
values of human rights and gender equality within their communities.

a. Examples of such organizations doing this work include: Women Living under
Muslim Laws and Catholics for Choice.

Gender and Bodily Autonomy

Everyone has the right to life, liberty, and the security of person (Article 3, UDHR, 1948;
Articles 6.1 and 9.1, ICCPR, 1966). No one shall be subjected to . . . cruel, inhuman or
degrading treatment (Article 5, UDHR, 1948; Article 7, ICCPR, 1966; Article 37.a, CRC,
1989). States shall take measures to abolish traditional practices harmful to the health of
children (Article 24.3, CRC, 1989). Marriage shall be entered into only with the free and full
consent of intending spouses (Article 16.2, UDHR, 1948; Article 16.1, CEDAW, 1979). The
betrothal and the marriage of a child shall have no legal effect . . . (Article 16.2, CEDAW,
1979).

1. We all deserve to have basic control over our own bodies. This includes being free
from violence and sexual abuse and from pressure to engage in violence toward
others. Control over one’s body also refers to deciding whether and when to have sex,
whether and when to become pregnant, whether to continue a pregnancy, and even
whether and how to alter one’s appearance.

2. Such control promotes confidence, safety, health, pleasure, and the opportunity to
explore one’s identity. Unfortunately, both boys and girls may feel that other people
are exercising physical or sexual power and control over them. Feeling you have lost
control over your body can be deeply disturbing, even traumatic.

3. Our control of our bodies is influenced by our family values, by our social and
religious institutions and norms, and by formal laws.

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4. Almost everywhere, females experience stricter regulation and control over their
bodies than do males. For example, girls are more likely to:

a. be reared to expect to have little control over their own bodies;

b. experience limits on their sexual expression. Many suffer rape and sexual
harassment (such as unwelcome advances, requests for sexual favors, or other
unwanted verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature);

c. be limited in their movements (such as not being able to walk around the
community) or their dress and have fewer opportunities to play sports.

5. In some places, girls are subject to extreme control over their bodies. Examples
include:

a. genital mutilation; and

b. early or forced marriage.

6. Males are also pressured to engage in potentially harmful practices. For example:

a. Some young men consume dangerous drugs to increase their muscle size.

b. In some settings, boys undergo traditional, often dangerous, rites to earn adult
status.

They may undergo such rites as wilderness survival rituals, circumcision carried out
under unsafe conditions, or obligatory sexual initiation in a brothel.

7. Families, communities, religions, and governments often regulate and punish

behavior (including sexual behavior) that does not conform to expectations
regarding gender roles. Such punishment may range in severity, for example, people
might:

a. call sexually active girls by derogatory names (such as “slut”), when no

derogatory equivalent exists for heterosexual boys;

b. approve harsh legal and social consequences for females who engage in
extramarital sexual activity, while condoning — or even rewarding — similar
behavior among males; and

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c. criminalize and abuse sex workers, while enforcing no legal consequences for
those who pay for sex; and criminalize homosexuality.

8. Around the world, many parents and children defend the right of young people to
bodily autonomy and dignity. Many organizations are also working toward this goal
by educating communities and advocating legal changes.

9. Each person’s body belongs to him or her. No one has the right to abuse, injure, or
violate someone else’s body in any way.

Gender and Violence

Everyone has the right to life, liberty, and the security of person (Article 3, UDHR, 1948;
Articles 6.1 and 9.1, ICCPR, 1966). No one shall be subjected to . . . cruel, inhuman or
degrading treatment (Article 5, UDHR, 1948; Article 7, ICCPR, 1966; Article 37.a, CRC1989).

1. Everyone wants to feel safe from violence. Most of us also feel better about ourselves
if we are not perpetrating violence against others.

2. The incidence of violence varies dramatically by place and over time.

3. People commit many kinds of violence, including physical force, threats, intimidation,
and psychological abuse. Such violence may be carried out by — or in the name of —
individuals, groups, institutions, or the state.

4. Males are more likely than females to commit violence and to be victims of violence.

a. Many young men are socialized (or pressured) to act violently.

b. Young men are particularly vulnerable to becoming victims of violence outside

the home — in war and civil conflict, in prisons, and in gangs.

c. Women are often subject to interpersonal violence, frequently in the home.

d. People who are perceived as not conforming to conventional gender norms may
be subject to interpersonal violence.

5. Violence against women and girls, or against individuals who do not conform to
dominant gender norms, is called gender-based violence.

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a. Females are particularly vulnerable to violence perpetrated by people they

know, including their intimate male partners.

b. Such violence may be of a sexual nature, such as unwanted touching or forced

sex.

c. Such violence ranges in severity and may include beatings, burning, or murder.

d. Some people face violence because they are perceived (correctly or not) as
homosexual or transgender. Violence based on a person’s identity is sometimes
referred to as “hate crime.”

e. All gender-based violence is a violation of human rights.

6. Gender-based violence reflects and reinforces cultural norms about masculinity and
male control and dominance. Examples include:

a. Girls are often reared to expect to have little control over their own bodies.

b. Boys are often brought up to believe that males are superior to females and that
men should dominate women.

c. Many females are brought up to accept that men are entitled to be violent or that
violence is an expression of a man’s love. Some people even blame the victim
rather than holding a man responsible for being violent.

d. When communities tolerate violence against individuals who do not conform to

expected gender roles (such as people who are attracted to the same sex,
transgender people, and openly feminist women in conservative settings), “hate
crimes” can become a common aspect of the culture.

7. In addition to being a violation of human rights, violence against women is also a

public health problem of epidemic proportion.

a. The incidence of gender-based violence varies dramatically in response to

different historical circumstances and social contexts.

b. Violence against women is also often associated with men’s consumption of

alcohol or certain drugs.

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c. Such violence may also lead to short or long-term physical health problems. It
may also lead to mental health problems such as depression and isolation.
Genderbased violence is also associated with higher prevalence of HIV and other
STIs.

8. Men, women, and young people are working locally, nationally, and internationally
to reduce interpersonal violence, including all forms of gender-based violence. Such
activities include: legal reforms, community watch groups, education campaigns, and
efforts to change norms.

Sexual Coercion as a form of Gender-based Violence

Every person has the right to be free from all forms of sexual violence and coercion
(Paragraph 96, FWCW Platform for Action, 1995).

1. Sexual coercion occurs when someone forces (or attempts to force) another
individual to engage in sexual activity against her/his will. Sex is coercive if one
person senses a lack of choice to refuse sex without facing significant social or
physical consequences.

2. Sexual coercion is a form of violence. It reflects and reinforces gender inequality.

a. Both males and females may be coerced to have unwanted sex, but females are
more often the victims.

b. Some communities or laws tolerate sexual coercion, rather than understanding

it as a type of violence.

3. People may be subject to sexual coercion by different means, including emotional

manipulation, deception, physical force or threats, verbal insistence, cultural
expectations, or economic inducements.

4. Sexual coercion can occur in many different contexts. For example:

a. Sexual coercion often takes place in a setting or situation normally considered

safe, such as at one’s home or the home of friends or relatives, at school, in a
religious institution, at work, within a dating relationship, or within marriage.

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b. Sexual coercion also may occur in other situations, for example, with a stranger,
as a material exchange (with older partners or peers, for cash or material gifts),
in war and conflict situations, and in prisons.

5. Sexual coercion is a violation of human rights, no matter what the context may be.

6. Like other forms of violence, sexual coercion has serious consequences.

a. Such violence may lead to emotional problems, such as feelings of insecurity,

isolation, low self-esteem, and severe depression. It may also lead to physical
injury or even death.

b. When sex is coerced it often takes place without protection. In fact, coerced sex
is linked with increased risks of unintended pregnancy and STIs, including HIV.

Gender: Our Own Decisions and Actions

States shall take all appropriate measures to eliminate prejudices and customary and other
practices that are based on the idea of the inferiority of women (Article 5, CEDAW, 1979).

1. Most of us want to develop our full potential as human beings.

2. Our ability to develop and interact fully is limited, however, by the norms and
stereotypes we have absorbed.

3. In order to challenge stereotypes in our own lives, we must identify how they have
affected our identity, personal development, and life choices.

4. In order to reduce gender-based discrimination, people must be able to recognize it

and act upon it.

5. Recognizing gender-based discrimination is sometimes easy and sometimes difficult.

It may be obvious: for example, giving key leadership positions or other privileges to
boys, or making an insulting remark about someone in a same-sex relationship or it
can be more subtle and difficult to notice: for example, ignoring someone’s opinion
because of her or his gender.

Source: The Population Council, Inc. “Unit 2: Gender,” It’s All One Curriculum: Guidelines for a Unified
Approach to Sexuality, Gender, HIV and Human Rights Education. 2009: 44-75.

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FACT SHEET

Communication and Decision-making Skills

Factors Affecting Communication

1. Knowing how to express yourself so that you are understood, and being able to
understand what other people are trying to say, are important and empowering
skills.

a. These skills can help you develop relationships that are based on mutual
understanding and satisfaction.

b. They can help people resolve conflicts respectfully and without violence.

c. These skills can help you feel good about yourself and about your relationships.

2. People have different styles and skills in communicating.

a. Different cultures vary in terms of their oral and expressive tradition.

b. Communication styles also depend on a person’s individual temperament and

the communication style that he or she learned as a child.

c. Gender norms often affect a person’s ability and style of communicating. Men
and women may communicate in different ways.

d. Strengthening personal communication skills can help people to convey their

opinions, needs, and feelings clearly.

e. People can develop the ability to communicate effectively and comfortably

across cultural and other divides.

3. If one person is perceived as having less “social power” or social status than another,
this perception may profoundly affect his or her ability and style in communicating.

4. Most people can learn effective communication skills. With practice, everyone can
communicate more effectively.

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Direct versus Indirect Communication Styles

1. Some people tend to communicate in a way that is direct and firm. Others tend to
communicate in ways that are indirect.

2. Direct and firm communication may be verbal or nonverbal, but generally sends a
clear message. For example:

a. A person who communicates assertively expresses his or her feelings or

thoughts in a straightforward way.

b. A person may use “I statements” that express his or her feelings and thoughts
(for example, “I feel bad when you speak that way to me” or “I’m glad that you
came with me to the health clinic”).

c. A person may make eye contact or use other nonverbal messages to

communicate directly.

3. Indirect communication may also be verbal or nonverbal, but often sends a less
specific or less defined message. For example:

a. A person may avoid specific expressions of their own opinion or feelings (for
example, “I heard that you can become pregnant the first time,” rather than “I
won’t have sex if you don’t use a condom”).

b. A person may avoid finishing a sentence or making eye contact.

4. Sometimes knowing the best way to express oneself — directly or indirectly — is

difficult.

a. A person who communicates indirectly may be following cultural norms about

politeness, social status, or expectations about gender roles. Understanding how
to assert oneself effectively in one’s own culture is important.

b. Indirect communication may not always be clear to the listener or receiver.

c. Sometimes people are in situations in which they do not feel that they are being
heard. They may need to practice expressing themselves more clearly, directly,
and repeatedly than they are used to doing.

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d. Communicating directly and firmly is not the same as being aggressive. A person
can communicate clearly and directly while still respecting the feelings and
thoughts of others.

Talking to Your Partner about Sex and Sexual Health Issues

1. Communication is an important part of a sexual relationship.

2. Communication with a sex partner is important in ensuring that both people are
consenting to engage in sexual activity.

3. Effective communication can help people protect their own and their partners’ well-
being. This protection includes:

a. guarding against sexually transmitted infections, including HIV;

b. protecting against unwanted pregnancy; and

c. reducing the likelihood of a conflict that could lead to violence.

4. Communication can also increase mutual trust and pleasure.

5. Communication is important for clarifying expectations and limits. Such expectations

and limits may relate to:

a. feelings;

b. the exchange of money or material goods; or

c. other factors.

6. Gender norms often affect the way people communicate — or do not communicate
— about sex.

7. Everyone can learn to communicate comfortably and effectively about sexuality.

Practicing helps!

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Making Decisions

An important part of growing up is learning to bring good judgment to making decisions.

Certain steps generally help people to make decisions with which they are more satisfied.
These steps include:

Step 1: Consider all of the options.

a. For many decisions, there are options we have not thought of.

b. Other people may be able to help identify more options.

Step 2: Identify the benefits and disadvantages of each option carefully.

a. Include every option’s potential harm to oneself or another.

b. Write down a list of the potential consequences of each option.

Step 3: Where appropriate, seek information or advice from people you trust.

Step 4: Make a tentative decision.

Consider whether your decision is one that will be easy or hard to change later.

Step 5: Reconsider the decision if necessary.

Try to take as much time as you need to go through all the steps of decision-making. We
often feel happier with decisions that we have made thoughtfully.

Acting on Our Decisions

After a decision is made, plan for carrying out the decision. Clarify all the steps necessary
for acting on the decision. These steps include:

Step 1: Consider what will make the decision easiest to carry out.

For example:

a. talking to your parents when they are not under pressure;

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b. finding out about peers who have made and carried out similar decisions (for
example, girls who took a stand to continue their schooling, a friend who asked
someone out on a date, or people who decided to get an HIV test); and

c. finding ways to gather the money or other resources necessary for carrying out
the decision.

Step 2: Think about likely barriers to carrying out a decision.

This step is important, because some decisions are very difficult to put into action.
Examples of potential barriers include:

a. not having enough money (for example, for bus fare to a clinic or for school
books);

b. not having access to services (for example, hard-to-reach schools and clinics);

c. legal limits (such as laws restricting abortion or contraceptive products and

services for unmarried adolescents);

d. fears about social consequences (for example, of coming out as homosexual,

opposing genital mutilation, resisting early marriage, being seen at a family
planning clinic, or working at a job that is usually performed by the other sex);
and,

e. worries about personal costs (for example, being rejected by a partner for
refusing to have sex or for insisting on condom use, or facing a possible life-
changing diagnosis).

Step 3: Rehearse your decision safely or privately.

For example:

a. write down or practice telling a trusted adult about sexual abuse;

b. practice using a (male or female) condom;

c. practice with a friend (if you have a friend whose judgment you trust and who
you know will respect your privacy); and

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d. consider whether and how to communicate your decision respectfully to anyone

else whom it will affect.

Step 4: Discuss the decision and plan with a supportive person.

For example, you could:

a. talk with a counselor about ending a pregnancy;

b. talk with a person who has already obtained an HIV test; or

c. find a hotline, drop-in center, or online community where people can talk with
someone who is thinking about changing gender.

Step 5: Figure out how to carry out your decision in the safest way.

For example, you could:

a. bring someone with you to confront a violent partner; or

b. find an ally in the community leadership before starting a campaign for sex
education.

Step 6: Where appropriate, seek information or advice from people you trust.

Step 7: If barriers arise in carrying out a decision, develop a different plan of action
or rethink the decision.

Step 8: Be aware that even when people do not encounter a barrier, they have the
right to re-evaluate decisions and change their minds.

Source: The Population Council, Inc. “Unit 2: Gender,” It’s All One Curriculum: Guidelines for a Unified
Approach to Sexuality, Gender, HIV and Human Rights Education. 2009: 144-153.

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ENDNOTES
1
José-Vicente Bonet. Sé amigo de ti mismo: manual de autoestima. 1997. Ed. Sal Terrae. Maliaño
(Cantabria, España). ISBN 978-84-293-1133-4. Accessed from [Link]
esteem on September 3, 2018.
2
Maslow, A. H. (1987). Motivation and Personality (Third ed.). New York: Harper & Row. ISBN 0-06-
041987-3. Accessed from [Link] on September 3, 2018.
3
Maslow, A. H. (1987). Motivation and Personality (Third ed.). New York: Harper & Row. ISBN 0-06-
041987-3. Accessed from [Link] on September 3, 2018.
4
Suzanne E. Harrill, “Sef-Worth: Recognizing Signs of High and Low Self-Esteem,” Accessed from
[Link] on September 3, 2018

5
Suzanne E. Harrill, “Sef-Worth: Recognizing Signs of High and Low Self-Esteem,” Accessed from
[Link] on September 3, 2018

6
Suzanne E. Harrill, “Sef-Worth: Recognizing Signs of High and Low Self-Esteem,” Accessed from
[Link] on September 3, 2018

7
Suzanne E. Harrill, “Sef-Worth: Recognizing Signs of High and Low Self-Esteem,” Accessed from
[Link] on September 3, 2018

8 Accessed from [Link] on September 15, 2018.

9
Accessed from [Link] on September
16, 2018
10
Accessed from [Link] on Septemebt
16, 2018.

11
Accessed from [Link] on September 15, 2018

12
Accessed from [Link] on September 15, 2018
13
Accessed from [Link] on September 15, 2018

14
Artemis Pana and Stalo Lesta, “A manual for Empowering young people in preventing gender-
based violence through peer education.” 2012, Mediterranean Institute of Gender Studies. Accessed
through [Link]
on September 15, 2018.

15Accessed from [Link] on September 20,

2018.
16
Accessed from [Link] on September 20,
2018.
17
Accessed from [Link] on September 20, 2018

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18
Accessed from [Link] on September 20, 2018

19
Accessed from [Link] on September 20,
2018

20
Accessed from [Link] on September 20,
2018

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