PRIEST: People of DuLoc, we gather here today to bear witness to the union…
FIONA: Um-
PRIEST: …of our new king…
FIONA: Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead to the “I do’s”?
FARQUAAD: (chuckles) Go on
DONKEY: Go ahead, have some fun. If we need you, I’ll whistle. How about that?
Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You wanna do this right, don’t you?
SHREK: What are you talking about?
DONKEY: There’s a line you gotta wait for. The preacher’s gonna say, “Speak now
or forever hold your peace.” That’s when you say “I object!”
SHREK: I don’t have time for this!
DONKEY: Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen to me! Look, you love this woman,
don’t you?
SHREK: Yes
DONKEY: You wanna hold her?
SHREK: Yes
DONKEY: Please her?
SHREK: Yes!
DONKEY: (singing) Then you got to, got to try a little tenderness. (normal) The
chicks love that romantic crap!
SHREK: All right! Cut it out. When does this guy say the line?
DONKEY: We gotta check it out
PRIEST: And so, by the power vested in me…
SHREK: What do you see?
DONKEY: The whole town’s in there
PRIEST: I now pronounce you husband and wife…
DONKEY: They’re at the altar
PRIEST: …king and queen
DONKEY: Mother Fletcher! He already said it
SHREK: Oh, for the love of Pete! I object!
FIONA: Shrek?
FARQUAAD: Oh, now what does he want?
SHREK: Hi everyone. Havin’ a good time, aren’t ya? I love DuLoc, first of all. Very
clean
FIONA: What are you doing here?
FARQUAAD: Really, it’s rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but
showing up uninvited to a wedding…
SHREK: Fiona, I need to talk to you
FIONA: Oh, now you wanna talk? It’s a little late for that, so if you”ll excuse me
SHREK: But you can’t marry him
FIONA: And why not?
SHREK: Because - - Because he’s just marrying you so he can be king
FARQUAAD: Outrageous! Fiona, don’t listen to him
SHREK: He’s not your true love
FIONA: And what do you know about true love?
SHREK: Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -
FARQUAAD: Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen in love with the princess! Oh,
good Lord (laughs)
FARQUAAD: An ogee and a princess!
FIONA: Shrek, is this true?
FARQUAAD: Who cares? It’s preposterous! Fiona, my love, we’re but a kiss away
from our “happily ever after”. Now kiss me!
FIONA: By night one way, by day another. I wanted to show you before
SHREK: Well, uh, that explains a lot
FARQUAAD: Ugh! It’s disgusting! Guards! Guards! I order you to get that out of my
sight, now! Get them! Get them both!
SHREK: No, no
FIONA: Shrek!
FARQUAAD: This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This marriage is binding, and that
makes me king! See? See?
FIONA: No, let go of me! Shrek!
SHREK: No!
FARQUAAD: Don’t just stand there, you morons
SHREK: Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
FARQUAAD: I’ll make you regret the day we met. I’ll see you drawn and quartered!
You’ll beg for death to save you!
FIONA: No, Shrek!
FARQUAAD: And as for you, my wife…
SHREK: Fiona!
FARQUAAD: I’ll have you locked back in that tower, for the rest of your days! I’m
king! I will have order! I will have perfection! I will have - - Aaaah! Aah!
DONKEY: All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon here, and I’m not afraid to use it.
I’m a donkey on the edge! Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? Go ahead,
Shrek
SHREK: Uh, Fiona?
FIONA: Yes, Shrek?
SHREK: I - - I love you
FIONA: Really?
SHREK: Really, really
FIONA: I love you too
WHISPERS: Until you find true love’s first kiss and then take love’s true form. Take
love’s true form. Take love’s true form
SHREK: Fiona? Fiona. Are you alright?
FIONA: Well, yes. But I don’t understand. I’m supposed to be beautiful
SHREK: But you are beautiful
DONKEY: I was hoping this would be a happy ending