HOW TO

SOLVE ANY
PROBLEM
The Six Part Coaching Program
 HOW
TO
SOLVE
ANY
PROBLEM
This program is designed to help you deal with or
solve any problem you are currently having.

Your problem can be big or small, life-shattering or

just annoying. This program will help you solve it.

In addition this program will teach you the meta-

skill of dealing with any problem you might face in
the future.

The more energy and time you put into your work on
this program, the more you will take with you into
your future.

We, at The Life Coach School, created this program

for all of our clients and our coaches. It is a distillation
of the work of thousands of hours of coaching and
self-coaching.

We wish someone would have handed this program

to us ten years ago, and we are thrilled to be able to
share it with you.

2 // introduction
Our only request is that you apply what is here.
Please know that intellectually taking in the material
will not solve any of your problems. Only when you
apply what you have learned will you start to see the
effects in your life.

So please know that this material can and will change

your life for the better if you let it.

Brooke
Brooke Castillo

LCS

3 // introduction
 THE SIX
PART
PROCESS
1. What is really wrong? What’s the problem?.....pg 5

2. What do you really want?.................................pg 16

3. What are you doing?.........................................pg 25

4. What do you want them to do?........................pg 30

5. Who is really in charge of you?........................pg 37

6. Do you want your future or your past?...........pg 43

4 // contents
WHAT IS REALLY
WRONG?
What’s The Problem?
 WHAT
IS
REALLY
WRONG?
The first thing you have to know and learn is: what is
your real problem?

Many people go through their lives ignoring, avoid-

ing or resisting their problems until they get too big
to solve without a lot of unneeded suffering.

In this first session, we are going to help you identify

and name your problem.

THIS IS A KEY FIRST STEP

How you think about your problem is much more
important than the problem itself.

So on the next page, write out your problem without

editing or censoring. We call this a “download”. There
is something extremely powerful in just getting the
problem out of your head and onto paper. So, right
now, just start writing. Include everything.

6 // what is really wrong?

 What is the problem?
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Why do you have it?

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Why is it a problem?
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

What else?
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________
Feel free to complain and to fill the page.

7 // what is really wrong?

 OK, so now you have the problem down on paper.
Take a deep breath.

All problems can be simplified and categorized into

one of five categories.

First, you must understand the five categories and

how they are defined.

Circumstances
Thoughts
Feelings
Actions
Result

Circumstances are the facts, not open to interpretation.

They can be proven in a court of law.

Thoughts are sentences in your mind about the

circumstances.

Feelings are one-word descriptions of vibrations in

our bodies caused by thoughts.

Actions are what we do. They include reactions,

actions or inactions.

Results are the effects of our actions.

8 // what is really wrong?

When you look at the problem you will most likely
see it as a circumstance problem. Most everyone,
when they are new to this work thinks problems are
facts.

So the first step we need to take is to “separate out

the facts”.

Look at what you wrote about your problem and take

out everything that can be proven in a court of law.
Adjectives, judgments, and anything that can be
open to interpretation need to be left off this list.

Usually this list will be less than five lines, even if you
filled the entire paper when you described the
problem.

Use the next page to list all of the facts.

9 // what is really wrong?

 LIST ALL THE
FACTS OF YOUR
PROBLEM ON
THIS PAGE.
Examples:
There is a man. The man said some words.
I have a job. I am married.

_______________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________

_______

10 // what is really wrong?

Now, when you look at the facts of your problem
you will realize that your problem is not a factual
circumstance. Circumstances in and of themselves
are not problems.

Nothing in the external world that is factual becomes

a problem until we place meaning or judgment on it.

Having $200 in your bank account is not a problem

until you make it mean something, such as believing
you are poor, you won’t be able to eat, you’re going to
be in debt, or you’re not responsible.

The same goes for job losses, death, divorce or injury.

None of these “facts” are ever a problem until we add
meaning.

How do we know this?

If circumstances in and of themselves were problems,

then everyone would have the same experience for
every circumstance.

But we don’t.

We all experience circumstances differently because

we all apply meaning differently.

One person’s death might mean everything to you,

but will mean very little to someone else. So, look at
the facts, the circumstances, of your problem and re-
member that the facts are never the problem.

11 // what is really wrong?

 Next, you want to identify the thoughts. Thoughts
are always the ultimate cause of your problem.

This might be difficult to understand at first because

most of us are not conscious or aware of our thinking
– we don’t separate it out from the circumstances to
see that it’s the ultimate cause of how we feel.

Go back to your problem page and pull out the

thoughts and list them on the next page.

Remember that thoughts are just sentences in your

mind. They include opinions, judgments, conclusions,
ideas or related statements.

12 // what is really wrong?

 Write down your thoughts here:
1. ___________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

4. ___________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

5. ___________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

6. ___________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

7. ___________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

13 // what is really wrong?

 It’s important to notice the difference between the
facts you listed and the thoughts you listed.

Your thoughts and the feelings those thoughts cause

are your real problem.

At this point it may seem like semantics, but this is

the first step to understanding any problem.

Always separate out the facts from the thoughts about

the facts. Your thoughts are optional, the facts aren’t.

So it’s important to realize here that the thoughts

about the problem are the real problem.

And you control those!

On the next page write about why you are choosing

to think the way you are thinking about this.

14 // what is really wrong?

 Why are you choosing to think these thoughts?
How are these thoughts affecting you?
Can you see any other options for how you might think?
Why or why not?

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

15 // what is really wrong?

WHAT DO YOU
REALLY WANT?
 WHAT
DO YOU
REALLY
WANT?
Now that you understand your brain and your thoughts
are the problem, you need to see why they are the
problem and how they are giving you something you
don’t want.

Thoughts we think, which are optional, cause our

emotions. So when we think an angry thought, we
have an angry feeling. Likewise when we have a joyous
thought, we have a joyous feeling.

All problems are really feeling problems. Meaning,

the reason we don’t want to have problems is because
of the way we feel when we are having them.

So think about your current problem. Think about

those thoughts you have about that problem. Now,
ask yourself, how do you feel when you think those
thoughts?

Remember, feelings are one-word descriptions of

vibrations in our bodies.

17 // what do you really want?

 Look at the following list
and see what feeling most
accurately describes how you
are feeling when you think
about your problem.

List of feelings:

Able Disappointed Good Overjoyed Sneaky

Adequate Disgusted Gung Ho Overwhelmed Soft
Aggravated Dismayed Heartbroken Panicky Sorrowful
Aggressive Disorganized Helpless Perplexed Sorry
Agitated Disoriented Hopeless Persuasive Super
Alone Dissatisfied Horrified Perturbed Sure
Annoyed Distressed Hot Petrified Terrified
Anxious Down Hurt Pleasant Threatened
Apprehensive Drained Impotent Pleased Thrilled
Ashamed Durable Inadequate Potent Timid
Bad Ecstatic Incapable Powerful Tired
Baffled Elated Insecure Proud Touchy
Beat Embarrassed Irate Put Out Trapped
Bewildered Energetic Irritated Puzzled Troubled
Blue Enraged Lazy Regret Uncomfortable
Bothered Excited Left Out Relieved Undecided
Capable Exhausted Lethargic Remorseful Under Par
Cheerful Exuberant Lifeless Rundown Uneasy
Confident Fearful Lost Satisfied Unhappy
Content Fine Lowdown Scared Unsatisfied
Crushed Fired Up Mad Scared Stiff Unsure
Dejected Foggy Mellow Secure Unworthy
Delighted Forceful Misplaced Seething Up
Dependent Frightened Mixed Up Shaky Upset
Depressed Frustrated Moody Shocked Uptight
Desperate Furious Nervous Shy Worried
Determined Glad Outraged Small Worthless

18 // what do you really want?

When I think thoughts about my problem, I feel:
_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

This feeling is caused by my thinking.

The one thought that most causes this feeling is :

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

To summarize –

The main problem is that I feel __________________

_________________________________________.

The reason I feel ___________________________

is because I’m thinking _____________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________.

19 // what do you really want?

 At this point, if you’re like us, you will now
immediately dismiss this idea or want to change
your circumstances or thought immediately.

Who could blame you?

But we want to slow you down just a bit to teach

you about the power of awareness.

When you are having a problem, your first reaction

is going to be to try and change or control the
circumstances.

And if you can, this is not a bad way to solve

problems. As soon as you change circumstances,
it makes it much easier to change your thoughts
and therefore your feeling.

But, more often than not, you will not be able to

control the circumstances and that’s when the
skill of awareness can be a game changer.

By knowing that the problem is really the way

you feel, and that your feelings are caused by your
thoughts, you can use your awareness to get relief by
“witnessing” the cause and effect of your problem.

This is a skill. Do not let the simplicity of it detract

from how powerful it can be.

By “witnessing” how you are feeling, you get a

moment of not feeling it. It taps into the part of
yourself that is bigger than the problem.

And the part of you that isn’t bogged down with the
problem is creative and wise – a much better problem
-solver than you resisting negative emotion.

20 // what do you really want?

Now comes the time when I need to remind you of
something:

DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP.

Once you start understanding that you are thinking
thoughts that are ultimately causing your problems,
you might be tempted to get mad at yourself for doing
this.

Please don’t. There is no upside to any further

resistance. No one taught us this. It doesn’t mean
there’s something wrong with you and it doesn’t mean
you aren’t a brilliant human being. It just means your
brain is efficient in repeating patterns that until now,
you haven’t been aware of. Be nice!

21 // what do you really want?

 If you want to solve your problem, you’ll need to
decide how you want to feel. Instead of the way you
are feeling now.

At this point, you might argue that you need to keep

feeling “bad” or you won’t fix the problem…

But the opposite is true. Positive emotion fuels

positive action.

Take another look at the list of emotions. Of these,

which is the emotion you would rather be feeling?

The feeling I want to be feeling right now is _______

________________________________________,

without anything having to change. I am in control

of how I feel and I can decide to feel this emotion
despite the circumstances.

22 // what do you really want?

To review, the problem that you’re currently having is
a feeling caused by a thought.

The reason it’s a problem for you is because you

would rather be feeling a different, better emotion.

At this point, you might be tempted to think the only

way to change how you are feeling is to change the
circumstances or the facts of your problem. But
remember, feelings are caused by your thinking, each
thought creates a feeling. So the only way to change
how you’re feeling is to change your thought. Now
granted, it would be much easier to change your
thoughts if your circumstances changed, but it
isn’t necessary. Often it isn’t possible to change your
circumstances immediately. But it’s always possible to
change your thinking in order to get what you want.
And what you want is always, ultimately a feeling state.

On the next page explore the possibility of feeling

this way.

23 // what do you really want?

 I would rather be feeling______________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________
when it comes to this problem. In order to change
how I am feeling, I would need to change my thinking.

Do you believe this is possible? Why or why not?

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

24 // what do you really want?

 WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?
 WHAT
ARE
YOU
DOING? When we are having “problems” in our lives, we often
compound them by reacting to our emotions.

We have a negative thought based on our circum-

stances. This negative thought creates a negative
emotion. Our emotions drive all of our actions. When
we are thinking and feeling negatively we compound
our problem by creating evidence for our thinking
with our actions.

Let me give you an example. Let’s say you’re in a fight

with your husband. You’re thinking your husband
is being a jerk. You feel angry because you are thinking
this. That anger will now drive your behavior. You
might make cold, snide remarks to him, distancing
yourself, and possibly causing him to then react
thereby giving you more evidence that “he is a jerk.”

WORK WE HAVE DONE ON

YOUR PROBLEM SO FAR
Fill out the following worksheet with a summary of
the work we have done so far:

26 // what are you doing?

 Circumstance:( facts only)
List the main fact here:____________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Thought:(about the circumstance)

List your main thought here:_______________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Feeling:(about your thought)

What is the feeling you have when you think this?_______________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Action:(what you are doing in relation

to your problem when you feel this way)
______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

How does this action contribute to your problem?________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

What evidence are you creating for your thought by acting this way?_________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

27 // what are you doing?

 Sometimes, the action is actually an “inaction” fueled
by the thought. Inaction looks like avoidance, pro-
crastination, lack of energy, or forgetting.

Notice how inaction can also create evidence for the

thought you are having creating your “problem”.

Let me give you another example. Let’s say your problem

is that you have gained 10 pounds and you think that
makes you fat and ugly. When you think that thought,
you feel shame. When you feel shame you disconnect
from your body and avoid exercise. This gives you
further evidence for the idea that your body is more
fat and ugly that fit and capable. By avoiding exercise
or taking the inaction of not exercising, you create a
body that produces more evidence for the negative
thought.

Go back to the page where you wrote the feeling you

would rather be feeling instead of the one you are
feeling. Take the next page and write down how your
actions would be different if you were able to feel this
way instead.

How might those actions give you a different result

in relation to your problem?

28 // what are you doing?

If I was feeling _____________________________

instead of feeling ___________________________,

_________________________________________
I would be acting differently. Write about it below.
Really explore the possibility and all your thoughts
about it.

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

29 // what are you doing?

 WHAT DO YOU
WANT THEM TO DO?
 WHAT
DO YOU So many of our problems seem to be other people.

WANT Very rarely do we take full responsibility for our lives

and fully own that every problem is really a thinking
problem. Every problem we can solve with self-coaching.

THEM But, for some reason, this is not what we want to

hear. We don’t want to be the one who changes. We

TO DO? want them to change.

We have manuals for people that we don’t even realize

we have. Just like a manual that comes with a computer,
we create manuals for our husbands, children, bosses,
friends, and even strangers.

We have instructions for what they should do, how

they should act, what they should know, and how
they should feel.

We don’t offer this manual up for the other person

to see. In fact, we often don’t even tell them what
our expectations are. We just wait and get frustrated
when “our needs aren’t met”.

This is craziness. We are unaware that we have given

away all of our power by doing this. We have set up
rules for how someone else has to behave in order for
us to feel good. Ultimately, we have given them full
responsibility for our emotional life.

And more often than not, we set ourselves up for

failure. We consistently expect people to act in a way
they don’t want to act. Time and time again, they
show us that they don’t or won’t act the way we want,
and then we end up constantly disappointed.

31 // what do you want them to do?

 For whom do you have a manual?
Name:_________________________________________________________________

What do you want them to do?

Make a list:_____________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

It would be awesome if they would…

1. ___________________________________________________________________
2. ___________________________________________________________________
3. ___________________________________________________________________
If they would act this way, I would feel...________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

I would feel this way, because I would be thinking this:____________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

32 // what do you want them to do?

Notice how you believe someone else’s behavior can
change how you feel. It’s important to remember
your thoughts are what create your feelings. So what
is making you feel great when someone does something
is your great thought and feeling about it.

Likewise, what makes you feel negative emotion is the

negative thought and feeling you are having when
the person acts a certain way.

What does this mean?

We can stop doing this.

We don’t have to control other people in order to

control how we feel.

We can “allow” other people to be who they are and

behave the way they want and feel good.

We can manage how we feel by what we think.

We can remember how others behave is not about us.

We don’t have to take it personally. We only have to
manage how we think, feel, and behave to have the
life we want.

33 // what do you want them to do?

 So does this mean we can’t make requests of other
people? What about the people we live with?

Of course we can make requests of other people. We

can let them know our preferences and what we like.

Where we get into trouble, is when we base how we

are going to feel on whether they do it or not.

The truth is that other adults have the freedom to

behave however the heck they want.

They, very simply, do not have to do what you want

them to do. This is especially true if what they want
and what you want are contradictory.

When you try and control other people so you can

feel good, you pressure them with the job of taking
care of your emotions. We like to call this emotional
bondage. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of
this, then you know...it is not fun.

People want to be around people who accept them

the way they are and don’t have rules and requirements
for how they should behave in order for you to feel
good.

Pay attention to how often you do this. We have all

participated in this emotional bondage to some extent.
Notice how it affects your relationships and start
exploring alternatives.

Make requests, but don’t add any emotional consequences.

Make requests with no strings and see how it works
in your relationships.

34 // what do you want them to do?

 A
REQUEST
WITH NO
STRINGS.
To whom do you want to make a request?

Name ___________________________________

Why do you want to make this request?

Are you willing to “allow” this person not to honor your request?

What will you make it mean if they don’t honor your request?

How do you want to feel and react if they don’t?

What will you make it mean if they do honor your request?

35 // what do you want them to do?

 Thoughts About
Requests with No
Strings vs.
Manuals

• Manuals require changes in behavior from others

in order for us to feel good.

• Manuals are about our expectations and requirements

for others and our reactions are based on their behaviors.

• Manuals leave us needing to control others and

depend on others for our positive emotions.

• Requests are made without expectation of follow-

through.

• Requests are merely declarations of desire and not

requirements.

• Requests are not made with the belief that the person
should honor the request.

REQUESTS ARE TWO

WAY CONVERSATIONS,
NOT DEMANDS.
When you make the request, you listen to see how
the person thinks about this request and why they
may or may not want to honor it. If they don’t, you
notice what you make it mean. Remember what they
chose to do or not do is always about them, not you.

36 // what do you want them to do?

 WHO IS
REALLY IN CHARGE?
 WHO IS
REALLY IN
CHARGE? One of the reasons most of my clients and students
have such a hard time with letting go of manuals is
because they have long held beliefs that other people
determine how we feel.

BELIEFS LIKE:
1. People can hurt my feelings

2. When they act that way, it upsets me

3. It’s their fault I feel sad, upset, angry or frustrated

4. They cause my misery

5. If they didn’t act that way, I would be happier

These are all misguided beliefs. Remember from the

first part of this course, it’s always only your own
thoughts that cause your feelings.

Nothing anyone else says or does is responsible for

what you think, feel or do.

This is NOT to say you should always feel great or

happy or positive about what others do.

If someone hits me in the face, I do not want to

choose to be happy. I will choose to be upset and
angry. But I own that as a choice. I know the thoughts
I choose will create that feeling.

38 // who is really in charge?

It’s often very appropriate to choose sadness, fear or
anger. But even more often it doesn’t serve us to in-
dulge in negative emotion because of someone’s be-
havior. It never serves us to blame them and disem-
power ourselves for how we feel.

At LCS we refer to not taking responsibility for how

you feel as EMOTIONAL CHILDHOOD…

Emotional childhood is
when we are dependent on
others for feeling good and
blaming others when we
feel bad.
We then blame our behavior fueled by negative emo-
tions on someone else. Examples of this might be:

1. I yelled because you upset me

2. I overate because my boss yelled at me

3. I feel angry because you didn’t behave the way I

wanted you to

4. I am unhappy because you work too much

5. I don’t feel love for you because you never buy me

flowers or take me out to dinner.

39 // who is really in charge?

 In what ways are
you in emotional
childhood?

Your emotions are always created by what you choose

to think.

If you don’t love someone, it’s because you have chosen

to think thoughts that don’t inspire love. If you feel
angry it’s because you’ve chosen angry thoughts.

If you want to feel something different, you must

own that choice first, and then choose to believe and
think otherwise.

You will not be able to do this until you first own that
your current thoughts create your current patterns.

Think back to your current problem. Are you owning

it as your own creation? Have you stepped into what
we call emotional adulthood and owned the real
problem, your thoughts, and claimed the feelings
you are experiencing as your own choice?

Emotional adulthood is your strongest position

because it’s where you claim your power. You own that
you’re the creator of your cognitive and emotional
experience.

40 // who is really in charge?

When you truly know this, so many wonderful things
are created…

- You no longer need to control others.

- You start to recognize that you have the choice of

how you feel no matter what happens.

- You open up to new experiences because you

know you can manage your mind and therefore
how you ultimately feel.

- You start feeling less controlling around others and

have much more unconditional acceptance and love.

The magical strategic byproduct of emotional adult-

hood is unconditional love. When you stop making
what others do mean anything about you, you begin
to “allow” them to be exactly who they are. You start
appreciating their natural way of being without trying
to change it for your benefit. You get to know them
in a new way without judgment, fixing or trying to
change them.

On the next page, explore how you are currently

participate in emotional childhood and how you
might start embracing emotional adulthood. This
might be a difficult exercise-but be as honest as you
can. This process is life-changing.

41 // who is really in charge?

 In what ways are you acting out of
emotional childhood? Do you blame
others for how you feel? Do you find
yourself feeling “out of control” when
it comes to your emotions? Make a list

1._______________________________________

2._______________________________________

3._______________________________________

4._______________________________________

5._______________________________________

MAKE A LIST OF THINGS YOU CAN START

THINKING, FEELING AND DOING IN OR-
DER TO EMBRACE THE IDEA OF EMOTIONAL
ADULTHOOD

1._______________________________________

_________________________________________

2._______________________________________

_________________________________________

3._______________________________________

_________________________________________

4._______________________________________

_________________________________________

5._______________________________________

_________________________________________

42 // who is really in charge?

 DO YOU WANT YOUR
FUTURE OR YOUR PAST?
 DO YOU
WANT
YOUR
FUTURE One of the main causes of current problems in our

OR YOUR lives is our programming from our past. Your past is

where all your current thinking was learned.

PAST? From the time you were a small child all the way until
now, you have adopted beliefs and thought patterns
mostly unconsciously.

Now as an adult, you may be very efficient at thinking

those thoughts without even realizing how they are
affecting you.

In fact, for some of you this past programming is not

only creating your current thinking, feeling and action
patterns, it is also controlling your focus.

Go back to the page where you wrote down your

current problem. Do you notice any references to
the past? Do you recognize any past programming
showing up in this current problem? Make a note of
any observations on the next page.

44 // do you want your future or your past?

Past-Focus Programming
From your problem page… note any past programming
here. Include observations about what you notice.

1. ______________________________________
2. ______________________________________
3. ______________________________________
4. ______________________________________

Notes:
_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

45 // do you want your future or your past?

 Often, I will have clients who spend over 50% of their
sessions with me talking about their past. They
will recall stories from their childhood, things they
experienced as young adults, and previous relationships
etc.

This past-focused approach can keep you from moving

forward. It perpetuates evidence for unconscious
programming and doesn’t allow for deeper awareness
or more deliberate present thinking.

These clients typically have a hard time dreaming and

thinking about the future. It’s as if the past programming
dominates any opportunity for drastic change or
growth.

Past-focused beliefs include:

I’m just this kind of person

I’ve never been able to do that.

This always happens to me.

This is just the way life is.

It’s what I’ve always known.

It’s never going to change

The tricky part of being past-focused is that you are

really good at it; you have been practicing it for many
years. It’s such an ingrained way of thinking, you may
not even realize you are doing it.

Besides inhibiting growth, change, and even dreaming,

past focused thinking prevents us from trying new
things.

When we look to our past for confidence and for

evidence we can succeed at something new, we will
not be able to find it. We can only find confidence
and evidence for the things we are already good at
doing.

46 // do you want your future or your past?

Confidence can come from new beliefs in new things,
not from our past. We need to tap into the energy
of our present and our future in order to create
momentum.

We dream of something we want by imagining

something in the future. Even if we want to recreate
something we’ve had in our past, we need to remember
it’s a new creation and not a repetition.

If we only look for evidence in the past for the confidence

we need to move forward, we may not be able to see
the potential for change.

When we are in the past-focused loop, we can’t find

solutions. The solutions are always found in the present
by changing our minds about what is possible and
what can be different.

One of the best ways to switch from the muck of the

problem you have in the past, is to ask yourself questions:

1. How do I want to think about this moving forward?

2. How can I create a different result?

3. How do I want to be different?

4. How can I change in a way that serves me?

5. How will I evolve through this?

6. What will this problem mean in 5 years?

When we are past-focused we are mired in patterns

that don’t serve our growth. When we are present and
future-focused, we are taking control of our thinking
and deciding how to think deliberately moving forward.

One of the best ways to focus your mind on the future

is by setting goals and dreaming of what we want in
the future.

47 // do you want your future or your past?

 How can you change the way you are thinking about
your problem to make it more future-focused instead of
past-focused?

1. How do I want to think about this moving forward?

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

2. How can I create a different result?

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

3. How do I want to be different?

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

4. How can I change in a way that serves me?

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

5. How will I evolve through this?

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

6. What will this problem mean in 5 years?

_________________________________________

_________________________________________

48 // what do you really want?

 How will you know
when your problem
is solved?
Problems are solved when we know how to get the
answer. Think about math problems. Once we understand
how to do the problem, then the answer is easy. Then
we are able to do multiple problems with very little
effort.

In this course I have given you the skill of problem

solving that you can apply to any problem that comes
your way.

Here is the process for review:

1. Remember that all problems are really thinking
problems.
2. It’s not the problem, but how we think about the
problem that matters.
3. Our thoughts cause our feelings. The reason we
think things are problems is because of how we
feel when we think about them. We have the option
of changing our thinking if we think it will serve
us better.
4. Relationship problems are usually “manual” or
“emotional childhood” problems, we can solve
these by taking responsibility for our emotional
lives.
5. Problems are not solved by focusing on the past -
we can solve problems by making changes in the
present and in the future.

The truth is really that simple. But don’t underestimate

how powerful this simple truth is. If you apply what
you have learned in this class, your life will change.
I have seen it with thousands of clients. I know I can
see it with you.

49 // what do you really want?

I would love to hear about your success. Please email
me at brooke@[Link]

Also, if you are interested in learning more about The

Life Coach School and what we offer, please come
visit us at [Link]

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