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Skyrim Review: A Batshit Adventure

Ruffinvangarr reviews Skyrim, also known as Skeerum in the language of dragons. He notes that the developers of Skyrim are creatively bankrupt since their main loremaster left. The main story of Skyrim involves stopping Alduin the World Eater from destroying the world by defeating him in Sovngarde. Ruffinvangarr promises to share his own wacky playthrough of Skyrim and concludes that Skyrim is a fun and stable game, giving it a "big Todd" rating out of Todd.
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0% found this document useful (0 votes)
51 views2 pages

Skyrim Review: A Batshit Adventure

Ruffinvangarr reviews Skyrim, also known as Skeerum in the language of dragons. He notes that the developers of Skyrim are creatively bankrupt since their main loremaster left. The main story of Skyrim involves stopping Alduin the World Eater from destroying the world by defeating him in Sovngarde. Ruffinvangarr promises to share his own wacky playthrough of Skyrim and concludes that Skyrim is a fun and stable game, giving it a "big Todd" rating out of Todd.
Copyright
© All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as DOCX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

[Intro]

What's up loyalists and everyone else, Ruffinvangarr here, and today, we'll be reviewing a
game that I have played for years, a game where you are miraculously saved from imminent
death and dudes waving bear flags and Roman Empire LARPers, are fighting over power
and influence in a province that you will one day (if you try hard enough), burn or destroy to
the ground if you so wish to do it.

[Paragraph 1]
I'm talking about a game where the developers are creatively bankrupt after their batshit
crazy and insane main loremaster [pictures of MK here], left because he wrote weird, cryptic,
and almost fanfic-like lore and he also took drugs while [pictures of Vivec, zooming slowly]
writing Vivec's fever dreams and totally (un)real stories for Morrowind, and the companies'
executive director will force you to buy his game's re-releases even though you already
bought one of his damn games.

[Paragraph 2]
Anyway, I'm losing track, today we're playing Skyrim, in the language of dragons, it's called
Skeerum. Now you might be asking, "Ruffin, why did you choose to review Skyrim? Why not
Morrowind? Where are my parody songs Ruffin?? You make me sOooo anGery!!1!1!!1 me
want morrowind parodi somgs, me amgery, me turn to monke and go OgaooGaogA!!!1!".
Firstly, shut the fuck up lobotomite, more songs later, secondly, an african warlord [clip of
Ssethtzeentach] already did a review on that so shut up.

[Paragraph 3]
Alright, main story is that Alduin the World Eater has escaped from death, now that he's
alive, all the dragons are alive too, even his brother, cool guy Paarthunax, you almost get
killed but you somehow, in some miraculous way, you survive, now homeless and naked,
you need to go to Whiterun and kill the true menace, fuckin' Nazeem, once you've killed him,
proceed to the main quest, report to Jarl Balgruff about the dragon attack on Helgen, kill a
dragon near Whiterun, meet the Greybeards, do a fetch quest, kill a dragon for "that bitch"
Delphine, kill Thalmors, find a dude, learn lessons from cool guy Paarthunax, exploit the
Time Wound, capture Odahviing, battle through Skuldafn Temple, kill Alduin on Sovngarde
and that's it, the whole Skyrim main quest, if you want a more detailed explanation, play the
game, you'll probably never finish the main quest anyway, you're too busy with the hundred
side quests and NSFW mods that you can jerk off to.

[Paragraph]
If you think your current playthrough is wacky and batshit insane than mine, well, you're
gonna be a fuck ton wrong.

[Insert wacky, crazy, batshit insane Skyrim playthrough story here.]

[Conclusion]
I hope you liked this essay as my acquaintance liked writing it. In conclusion, Skyrim is a fun,
playable, and the most stable of all the Elder Scrolls games on the market today, buy it, go
play it, if you don't have the money, ask Todd, he has the money enough to let you buy his
game, I give this game a big Todd out of Todd.
[Outro]
Thank you for all the supporters, followers on my Twitter and all my loyalist subscribed in my
channel, I'll probably go silent after this review, anyways, remember, "the ending of the
words is VANGARR."

Common questions

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The review implies criticism towards the commercial strategy of continuously re-releasing Skyrim, hinting that players are forced to repurchase the game multiple times. By mocking the tendency to buy the same game again due to executive decisions, the review suggests a dissatisfaction with what is perceived as an exploitative strategy rather than offering fresh content or innovations in new game releases .

The review highlights Skyrim's enjoyable and stable gameplay, describing it as the most stable Elder Scrolls game on the market. The game's fun and playable nature, combined with its reputation for a stable experience despite numerous mods and a wide array of side quests, contribute to its popularity .

Alduin, the main antagonist, is framed as a returning, imminent threat whose revival brings dragons back to life, leading to the player's quest to ultimately quell this danger. The review, however, minimizes his importance by humorously implying that local nuisances like Nazeem deserve immediate attention, suggesting a critical yet satirical take on how narrative priorities might be skewed towards less epic yet relatable in-game interactions .

Paarthurnax is portrayed as a significant character who imparts valuable lessons to the player-character. He is introduced as the cooler sibling of Alduin, the main antagonist, and his role involves guiding players through some of their essential quests, helping them exploit the Time Wound, which is critical for advancing and ultimately finishing the game's main storyline .

The overarching plot of Skyrim's main quest is characterized as a series of tasks beginning with survival from an attack on Helgen and leading to a final battle with Alduin in Sovngarde. It involves interacting with key characters like Jarl Balgruff, the Greybeards, and Delphine, completing various quests, and ultimately defeating Alduin. The review implies a somewhat disjointed journey filled with many optional distractions and NSFW mods .

The review criticizes the lore development in Skyrim, stating that the developers have become 'creatively bankrupt' since the departure of the main loremaster, who wrote the game's cryptic, fanfic-like lore potentially influenced by drug use. The review suggests these factors have led to less engaging storytelling compared to earlier games like Morrowind .

The reviewer employs humor and satire by mocking fan expectations and the commercial practices of game's re-releases. Exaggerations such as surviving a miraculous dragon attack only to prioritize trivial tasks like killing 'fucking Nazeem,' as well as satirical references to executive practices like continuously monetizing re-releases, serve to criticize while entertaining the audience. Furthermore, parody is used to draw attention to perceived absurdities in both player behavior and game design .

The review depicts player experience variability as significant, with an implied warning that players are likely to get sidetracked by the 'hundred side quests and NSFW mods' instead of completing the main quest. It suggests that each player's journey could be 'wacky and batshit insane,' illustrating the open-ended nature of the game and the diverse ways players can interact with it, creating unique stories .

The name Todd humorously references Todd Howard, a prominent figure associated with the Elder Scrolls franchise, often credited with the repeated releases of Skyrim. The review plays with this by implying that if players need money to buy the game again, they should ask Todd, suggesting he has abundant resources from its sales. This light-hearted mockery comments on the frequent re-releasing strategy attributed to Todd Howard's oversight .

The review suggests that the ex-loremaster's departure marked a downturn in the creativity of The Elder Scrolls series. It negatively points to this individual's influence in crafting the 'weird, cryptic, and almost fanfic-like lore' that characterized earlier narratives like those in Morrowind, implying a loss of depth and originality in subsequent iterations such as Skyrim .

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