Module 17 : Self-Esteem and
Confidence
Student Objectives:
To learn what self-esteem and confidence is
To understand the signs of healthy and unhealthy self-
esteem
To learn about methods that improve self-esteem and
confidence in children
To learn about building self-esteem in toddlers
To learn about building self-esteem in preschool and
elementary school-aged children
17.1 Introduction
Healthy self-esteem is used by a child as
their armor against the challenges they will
find in the world.
Children who know what their strengths and weaknesses tend to
have an easier time than other children when handling
conflict. These children smile more, enjoy life, and are more
realistic and optimistic. Children with low self-esteem,
however, will find the challenges they come across to be major
conflicts, and they will have a difficult time finding
solutions to issues. This module will discuss what self-esteem
is, the signs of a healthy, or unhealthy self-esteem, and how
self-esteem and confidence can be built up in children.
17.2 What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is based on the concept of self-
worth, or how much a person values
themselves.
A person’s self-esteem can change on a day-to-day basis, but
overall, a person’s self-esteem develops from infancy, and it
keeps developing throughout adulthood. The patterns of self-
esteem start very early in life, and in children, it is much
easier to build up than when an adult. So, it is best to
improve and build upon positive self-esteem when a person is a
child, and parents and carers must play a role in this
development.
17.3 The Signs of a Healthy and
Unhealthy Self-Esteem
Self-esteem ebbs and flows during childhood,
and it changes frequently because it is
affected by the child’s perceptions and
experiences.
Signs of a Healthy Self-Esteem
Children with healthy self-esteem will enjoy interacting with
other people. They are comfortable in a social setting, and
they enjoy both independent and group activities. When a
challenge arises, children with healthy self-esteem will look
at finding a solution, and they will use discontent without
being belittling. For instance, if a child is having
difficulty understanding something, those with healthy self-
esteem will say, “I don’t understand this.” Those with
unhealthy self-esteem will say, “I’m stupid.”
Signs of an Unhealthy Self-Esteem
Children with low self-esteem and no confidence usually will
not want to try new things, and t often speak negatively in
regards to themselves. It is common for these children to also
have a low tolerance for frustrating situations, or they will
wait for someone else to take the lead. They are also overly
critical of themselves, and they see small, temporary setbacks
as intolerable, permanent conditions.
17.4 Methods to Improve Self-Esteem
and Confidence in Children
A low self-esteem and confidence level can
set children up for a lifetime of issues.
So, it is important for parents and carers to step in as soon
as they can to improve the situation. Here are some tips that
can help to improve self-esteem and confidence in children:
Stop Overpraising
Overpraising can do more harm to children than good. Self-
esteem comes from a child feeling secure and loved, but also
from being competent. Being competent, or being good at
something, takes effort, but a person cannot praise another
into being competent. Instead, it is up to the individual.
When a parent or carer overpraises a child, they lower the
bar, so to speak, and it tells them that it is okay not to
push themselves.
Additionally, too much praising can lead a child to believe
that they are perfect or that they must meet the impossible
standard of being perfect all of the time.
Allow a Child to Take Risks
Healthy risks can be good for self-esteem, as children need to
take chances, make their own choices, and then take
responsibility for those choices. Too many parents will try to
rescue their children from failing, and this sends them the
wrong message. Instead, when children are able to take risks,
and then deal with any consequences of those risks, they will
feel a sense of accomplishment, which will ultimately help to
improve the child’s confidence level.
Allow Children to Make Choices for Themselves
When a child is allowed to make their own choices, they will
feel more powerful and in control of their lives. Experts say
that children as young as two years old can start to make
their own choices, and they are cognitively advanced enough to
realize that their choices can have consequences.
Give Them Opportunities to Demonstrate Competence
Parents and carers should also give children the opportunity
to demonstrate their competence. One way to do this is to ask
them to help around the house, and then praise them for a job
well done. Even a toddler can help with setting the table,
cooking, and making the bed.
Encourage Children to Pursue Interests
A child’s self-esteem and confidence level will rise when they
accomplish tasks, and one of the best ways to do this is for
parents or carers to allow children to take on tasks that they
have an interest in. This could be anything from doing laps in
a pool or beating a certain level on a video game. It can be
anything that will help a child feel a sense of
accomplishment.
Praise a Child When They Fail
Inevitably, all children will fail at some point, but it is
important for the adults in their lives to let them know that
it’s okay to fail sometimes. Parents, for instance, should
make sure their children know that they still love them even
when they fail. It’s okay to urge a child to understand
failure, but the failure shouldn’t overshadow all of the good
that they do, either.
Help Children Make Attainable Goals
Finally, parents and carers should make sure that children
have goals that are attainable. For instance, a child might
have the goal of playing for Manchester United, but this is
not attainable for most children. Instead, help the child make
a goal that they can attain, such as playing football for
their school.
FACT
The concept of self-esteem is based on how much a person
values themselves and what they consider their level of self-
worth to be.
Source: CPD
Take a Quick Recap Test
17.5 Building Self-Esteem and
Confidence by Age
The following is an overview of how parents
and carers can help to improve confidence and
self-esteem in children based on their age.
Babies
As you have read in previous modules, newborns and young
children do not see themselves as being an individual, which
means they do not have a sense of self-esteem. However, it is
possible to lay out the framework for healthy self-esteem as
the child grows by holding the baby gently, giving a lot of
cuddles and smiles, or responding when he or she begins to
cry.
Toddlers
Toddlers are able to have a much deeper sense of what
confidence and self-esteem are, even if they don’t realize it.
Children at this age will want to make decisions on their own,
and it is a good idea for parents and carers to allow them to
do so. Of course, they should only be making age-appropriate
decisions, such as which hat to wear or what toy to play with.
Here are some specific ways that a parent can help a toddler
build up their self-esteem:
Let the child know that he or she is special, valued,
and clever. Tell the child that he or she is doing well
Let the child make their own reasonable decisions. For
instance, let the child decide what type of jam they
want on their toast. This gives them a sense of control,
which will help to develop confidence
Allow the child to say ‘no.’ Toddlers should be learning
to assert themselves. If a toddler, for example, refuses
to wear a jacket outside on a cold day, the parent
should allow that to happen. This teaches cause and
effect and gives them a sense that they control their
destiny
Coach toddlers when they have to deal with a tricky
situation. For instance, a toddler might find it
difficult to share with others, so the parent might have
to step in to encourage sharing
Preschoolers
By the time a child reaches the age of three, they will be
fully aware that their mind and body belong to them. Most
children can cope with being away from their parents at this
point because they know that they are loved and safe. They
also often compare themselves with their peers, and they will
ask if they are the best/fastest/biggest at whatever activity
they are doing. Parents should give these children balanced
feedback, such as “I think you are the best three-year-old
runner that I know of,” or “Joseph kicks the ball farther than
you, but you are faster at running.” This will give children a
sense of pride but also sends the message that others are
important, too.
Elementary School Children
During elementary school, children will fully start comparing
themselves with their classmates, which can have a negative
effect on their self-esteem.
For instance, they might feel as if they are less capable than
others, and new rules or learning new things might be a
challenge.
Here are some ways a parent or carer can help:
Support children with their schoolwork and school life.
Show some interest by asking how the child’s day was,
their homework, and if he or she needs any help
Give hugs, cuddles, and love at the end of the school
day
Get involved in the child’s school life, and help out in
the classroom if possible
Focus on the child’s strengths and efforts, and praise
the child when appropriate
Teach the child about playing fair with others, and
explain what it means to win or lose
Create a relationship with the child’s teacher, as this
ensures the best outcome for the child
Give the child the opportunity to try new things
Watch out for any signs of bullying or learning issues
that might affect the self-esteem and confidence of the
child
Assignment
Self-Esteem and Confidence
Time:25+ minutes
To make sure you have a good grounding on this topic, make
your way
through the activities on this worksheet.
Download the worksheet below print out and complete.
Download Worksheet (pdf)
Conclusion
High self-esteem and confidence often come very easy to young
children, but as they begin comparing themselves to others or
understanding their sense of self, it can be much more
difficult. Parents and carers can step in to help their child
with self-esteem, but if an adult notices that they are unable
to help the child, it is best to talk to the child’s
pediatrician.
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