Module 15 : The Role of
Separation in Child
Development
Student Objectives:
To learn about the impact of separation and loss on
child development in general
To learn about the impact of these things on child
development at different ages
To understand how these effects change depending on the
age of the child
To understand how to minimize these effects
To better understand the role of parents and carers in
child development
15.1 Introduction
So far, the course has noted the importance
of adult-child, and specifically parent-
child, relationships in child development.
Yet, as too many families know, not all parents and children
are able to stay together. Separation and loss plague families
in North America and in other parts of the world. Whether it
is due to divorce, death, or being removed from parental care,
any loss or separation can have a significant impact on child
development.
In this module, you will learn how separation or loss impact a
child at every age. You will also learn how to minimize the
effects of these changes, and how the effects vary from age to
age.
15.2 Separation and Loss: Impacts
on Child Development
The rearrangement of, or collapse of, the
most important structure in a child’s world
may vitally alter the way they experience
the world, and it may change how they
develop who they are.
Even infants who are only a few weeks old can recognize
conflict and distress at home, and the way these things are
processed grows more acute over time.
The worst kind of separation or loss is the kind marked by
high levels of conflict. Verbal conflict, anger, distrust, low
cooperation in the parenting process and negative attitudes
toward other family members can all impact the child
negatively. It is essential to keep the negative impact in
mind when considering the general effects of loss or
separation on an individual child.
15.3 Separation During the First
Year of Life
Specific effects have been noted for
children who are separated from or lose a
parent during the first year of their lives.
The short-term effects of these events may result in the
regression of dependency needs. It may also play a role in
degrading the child’s feelings of security and may undermine
the trust they have that adults or people they love are
regularly available to them. Additionally, loss and separation
often come with significant changes in the child’s daily
routine, either due to a change in caregiver or disruption
caused by emotional stress. Each child is different, but for
some, the change in routine can cause delays in the sequencing
of developmental events.
Long-term effects should also be considered. If the disruption
results in deprivation for the child, it is possible that the
child’s mindset may be altered later in life. They may
struggle to trust others, and studies have shown that many who
faced separation as infants struggle to meet the needs of
others.
Some also suggest that learning issues can accompany young
children.
Minimizing the Effects
Minimizing the effects of separation or loss is difficult. For
infants, it means returning to meeting developmental needs as
soon as possible. It may also include working to build trust
in the infant to teach them that they can rely on adults.
Ultimately, consistent routines have shown to be the best
course of action for correcting or minimizing the impact of
loss on infants.
15.4 Separation During Toddler
Years (Ages 1 to 3)
Children who experience loss or separation
experience different effects from infants.
They often find that the balance between the appropriate
levels of dependence and independence shift or are disrupted
during this time.
It may also interfere with the child’s identity, particularly
if positions in the family are rearranged.
Separation during these years may also impact the child’s
language development. During these years, one parent may often
act as an interpreter for the child as they begin to grasp
language. If the loss or separation is with the child’s
interpreter, this can negatively affect the way they develop
their language, generally slowing progress down.
Long-term effects may include taking on a “victim” mentality,
and the child may feel like the world owes them something.
Some children take on the role of “victimizer.”
Serious effects can include difficulties in the development of
self-awareness skills, issues with ego development, and more
long-term language issues that often present in a subtle
manner.
Minimizing the Effects
Minimizing the effects of separation at this stage can be
difficult. It requires finding a careful balance between
meeting their needs while encouraging the appropriate level of
independence.
Some parents or carers will allow a certain level of
regression in development stages. Encouraging the child to
reacquire or acquire missing skills again is useful, and
success often occurs after a few months.
What is most important at this stage is not to place undue
pressure on the child to continue functioning at the highest
level or to acquire new skills. Children need time for
reattachment and to deal with the transition. Forcing them to
move through these phases without the appropriate amount of
time can result in a greater likelihood of long-term issues.
15.5 Separation in Early Childhood
Years (Age 3 to 6)
Difficulties continue to occur and develop
when a child experiences separation or loss
during their preschool and early school
years.
One of the most critical changes in the way these experiences
affect children is that their magical and egocentric thinking
often results in a misunderstanding of the causes of these
changes. Adults need to address the child’s thinking and
identify the thoughts that may be the result of
misinterpretation. This is an age where the child may believe
that they caused the change, and many believe that they think
they can do something to reverse it.
Essentially, this is the age where a child might equate the
love of a parent to the reason for potentially leaving. They
may also convince themselves that if they were a “better”
child (such as by keeping their rooms clean or doing their
homework), the event would not have occurred.
This can confuse their own beliefs in the “good” and “bad”
personality traits that they exhibit.
It can also result in an attachment to adults that is
indiscriminate, and it may mirror the attachment exhibited by
a newborn baby or an infant.
There are also potential long-range issues that are associated
with loss at this age. The child may consider themselves to be
“bad,” and they may believe they caused the loss. Oedipal
conflict may arise here, and a child may think that the change
occurred because they wanted the opposite parent all to
themselves.
The result of this may cause issues in long-term sexual
identification. If sexual abuse was at all present in the
child’s life, the Oedipal struggle could be amplified.
Minimizing the Effects
Minimizing the effects for children at this age is different
from reacting to toddlers. Where toddlers require a balance
that requires action and support of developmental needs,
children between the ages of three and six need adults to
understand their thinking. The identification and
clarification of egocentric and magical thinking are as
crucial as remedying it.
Additionally, the child often needs their place in the family
to be reaffirmed consistently. Explanations should be age
appropriate and should account for the change without placing
undue stress on the child.
Play becomes incredibly important at this age, and
opportunities to play alone and with others should be
provided. Children at this age resolve almost all
psychological issues through playtime.
FACT
Since relationships are so critical to the growth and
development of a child, any kind of rearrangement or collapse
of the family unit, in particular, can have detrimental
effects on the child’s growth process.
Source: CPD
Take a Quick Recap Test
15.6 Separation During School Years
The short term effects of separation and
loss will present differently in children
who have entered elementary school compared
to children who are in their preschool
years.
Children who are in school will often lose the energy to deal
with their daily tasks, like school, play, chores, etc.
An additional challenge at this age resides in that children
are able to identify differences between themselves and their
peers. The differences identified can result in behavioral
issues with peers.
Long-term issues can result in a disruption in academic work
and in relationship building with peers. Additionally, the
child might internalize their feelings or conscience, and this
can result in longer-term behavioral issues.
Minimizing the Effects
Children at this age need an outlet or opportunity to help
them focus on the grieving process. This will help them focus
on the other important tasks for their age when required.
Children at this age have also moved past the magical thinking
of the preschool age but may still struggle to expand their
thinking about their loss. Facts are key here.
Another useful workshop includes encouraging healthy
disengagement. Allowing the child to disengage from structures
or units that have changed or no longer exist helps children
let go of the past. When they feel safe letting go of the
past, it feels safer to move on and develop new attachments.
15.7 Separation During Adolescence
Adolescence is characterized by a need to
present opposition to parent and authority
figures while relying on their consistent
presence in the child’s life.
Separation can disrupt these tasks because the child may
present this opposition, but will find a lack of consistency
in their parents being there.
Feelings of control are also likely to impact the life of an
adolescent. If they feel their life, or their decisions, are
out of control, they may start engaging in negative behaviors,
or behaviors that may be out of character.
Long-range effects of these disruptions can include rebellion
and antisocial behaviors. Extreme cases can result in
depression, which may sometimes result in suicidal tendencies.
Minimizing the Effects
Minimizing the effects of separation and loss for teenagers
often requires additional measures of control. Providing
adolescents with as high a level of control of their lives as
possible can be particularly beneficial for managing short-
term effects.
Keeping adolescents involved in decision-making is also
crucial. While it is not practical to involve them in every
decision, helping them remain in control of their future is
essential.
Providing grief assistance is also important. Encouraging the
dissemination of information about their personal histories
and their early relationships helps retain a sense of who they
are, and it reminds them that they are worthy of love and
support from adults and themselves.
Teenagers may also struggle to determine how much of their
personal lives or history should be revealed to others,
particularly to intimate friends and acquaintances. Helping
them find this balance is important for self-expression and
protecting personal relationships.
Assignment
The Role of Separation in Child Development
Time: 25+ minutes
To make sure you have a good grounding on this topic, make
your way through the activities on this worksheet.
Download the worksheet below, print out and complete.
Download Worksheet (pdf)
Conclusion
The way a child deals with separation and loss changes as they
grow and develop. Understanding how their loss changes, and
how to minimize the effects of these losses is the key to
fostering healthy development even in the event of separation
or loss.
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