Negotiation

Steven Guest
[Link]@[Link]

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BBA | Negotiation | 2020/2021
 Negotiation
Session 10|. Conflict Management &
Mediation

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BBA | Negotiation | 2020/2021
Conflict Management
Consulation and Mediation Steven Guest
Internal conflict: difficult conversations
 EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED?

• Negative emotions and Positive emotions

1. How to use them at different levels

1. Perception identify
2. Using emotion in thought prioritize
3. Understanding emotions deal with
feelings
4. Reflective regulation Manage
 The four quadrants of emotional intelligence

Individual Others

Knowledge of
Knowledge Self-knowledge
others

Relationship
Management Self-control
management
Competencies and the emotional
intelligence model
Self-knowledge Knowledge of others

• Knowledge of the
• Emotional self
organisation
awareness
• Empathy

Self-control • Social Skills

• Influence
• Focus on achievement • Conflict management
• Flexibility • Teamwork
• Emotional self-control • Inspirational leadersh ip
• Positive vision • Developing others
 THIRD PARTY HELP

Level of third party

control over
outcome

high low
Level of third party
control over
process inquisition Mediation or
process
High consultation

low arbitration negotiation

 MANAGERIAL DISPUTE RESOLUTION
STRATEGIES

Process
• Means control strategies control
MCS FCS

• Ends control strategies

PCS
• Low control strategies
• Full control strategy
• PCS part control strategy LCS ECS

Third party
outcome control
 STRATEGY DEPENDS ON

• Dispute importance
• Time pressure
• Nature of the dispute (priviliges or stakes)
• Nature of relations
• Commitment probability
 EMOTIONS

Level Explanation How / use

Perception and expression Identify and express Facial expressions etc
of emotion accurately
Using emotion in thought Prioritoze things and help Weigh up emotions and
memory allow them to direct
attention
Understanding and Label emotions, deal with Understand rules of
analysing emotions feelings emotion
Reflective regulation of Manage emotions in self Managing self
emotion and others
 CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

[Link] conflict by openly talking about

disagreements with those involved
[Link]-escalating emotions in the situation when
resolving conflict
[Link] to resolve conflict by finding a position
everyone involved can endorse
[Link] conflict by bringing it into the open
[Link] to resolve conflicts by finding a solution that
addresses everyone’s interests
Internal conflict: difficult conversations
 SIDE BAR DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS – LEARNING
CONVERSATIONS

By Bruce Patton and Douglas Stone et al

(2000, Penguin)

“What happened?” conversation

“Feelings” conversation
“Identity” conversation
 “WHAT HAPPENED?”
CONVERSATION

– COMPLEXITY CHALLENGE
Attitude (A): I know what happened (each contributes)
Goal (G): Persuade (explore and understand)
A: I know what they intended (I can’t see in heads)
G: Tell them what they did wrong (share impact)
A: Assign blame (joint problem)
G: Admitance (understand contribution system)
What triggered your reaction?
What they can do to help you change
“FEELINGS”AND “IDENTITY” CONVERSATION

EMOTIONALLY CHARGED
A: Feelings are irrelevant (at the heart of the issue)
G: Avoid (address mine and theirs without prior
judgements by ackowledging these before problem
solving)
I feel …. Acknowledge others’ feelings

THREATENS MY IDENTITY
A: Good/Bad (Each of us is complex)
G: Protect all or nothing (Understand and build)
 THE THIRD STORY

• We begin in our story and trigger their identity conversation

• TRY : 1. Begin from the third story… the mediator’s
– No right or wrong, just different REMOVE JUDGEMENT
– “You and X seem to have differences about ….. I wonder if that’s something we
can talk about?
– “I wanted to talk about what happened in the meeting with the CEO the other
day. I was upset by what you said and wanted to explain what’s bothering me,
and also hear your opinion”
 THE THIRD STORY

• 2. Extend an invitation
– Make sure they know you’re not trying to change them,
just understand.
– Make them a partner: “The story I’m telling myself in my
head about what is going on is that you are being
inconsiderate. At some level I know that’s unfair to you,
and I’d like you to help me put things in better perspective.
I’d like you to help me understand where you are coming
from”
 THIRD STORY

• 3 map: the three stories

– Explore where each story comes from … “my reaction comes from …..”
– Share the impact on you …. “I don’t know whether you intended it or not
but I felt …”
– Take responsibility for your contribution … “There are some things I
have said that have made the situation difficult, I know”
– Describe feelings… “I am anxious about talking and I feel…”
– Reflect on Identity “I think the reason is that I don’t like thinking I am …”
 HOW TO TALK….
LISTEN FROM INSIDE

• 4. Make them feel heard … acknowledge

• Inquire:
• Open ended questions and ones about the three conversations
– How do you see it differently?
– What impact have my actions had on you?
– Say more about why this important to you
– Were you reacting to something I said?
• Paraphrase for clarity
 SPEAK WITH CLARITY

• Tell your story with clarity:

– Don’t present your conclusions as TRUTH
– Share where your conclusions came from
– Don’t use Always or Never
– Let them know how you see it differently
 PROBLEM SOLVING:
TAKING THE LEAD

– Step One: prepare for the three converstaions

– Step two: start from third story
• “I wanted to talk about our initial equity conversation yesterday when you
made the proposal. I suspect you found it frustrating and I certainly did. Can
we talk about it. I’d like to understand better what was happening to you and
how you felt about the split so we can work together in the future. And I’d
like to share what I found upsetting”
– Step three: explore their story and yours
• “I’m beginning to get a sense of where you’re coming from and I also want
to give you a sense of how I was seeing things.
– Step four: problem solving
• Invent options and try to find criteria/standards AND keep communication
moving forward.
STAGE 1. ROLE OF
CONSULTATION?
• Helping (clients) obtain skills to resolve problems on their own.
• Empowering clients by helping them obtain confidence to resolve
problems.
• Listening and Remaining neutral.
• Understanding the problems and the people behind the problems.
• Reality-testing, helping clients understand the consequences of their
actions.
• Advising on the nature of the problem and the resolution process.
• Distinguishing stated positions from underlying interests
• Helping clients to invent options and to set priorities.
• Assisting clients in developing strategies based on new options.
STAGE 2. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
- DE-ESCALATE THE TENSION

• Active, interested listening (comparison, empathizing and

understanding the problem from their perspectives).
• Historical reconstruction. Get information by getting them to
reconstruct the problem's history to clarify events and obtain
information for options. Critical incidence
• Concretization. Get them to be concrete in their claims
STAGE 3. TRANSITION TO PROBLEM
SOLVING

• Once you understand them, help them gain

perspective
• Reframing the problem
• Providing reality testing
• Discover a client's underlying interests and separate
them from stated positions.
• Change their perception of the problem.
STAGE 4. DEVELOP OPTIONS AND
PLAN

• Helping clients sort out options, develop new ones,

• Create workable strategies. Brainstorm options
• Short- as well as long-term needs )
• Consider developing a strategic plan with each.
 CRITICAL INCIDENCES
FACT-FINDING TECHNIQUE

1. What led up to the situation?

2. Who was involved?
3. The interviewee’s goal or objective?
4. What the interviewee was thinking?
5. What the interviewee was feeling?
6. What the interviewee actually said?
7. What the interviewee actually did?
8. The sequence of events in the situation?
CRITICAL INCIDENCE FACT
FINDING
1. Frame the situation
Frame the situation from the beginning. A complaint has been received from …..
Take me to the start of the issue
Keep questions short. “So what did you do then?”
Ask the interviewee to reconstruct the actual dialogue -who said, what to whom.
“Can you take me back to that meeting you had with X”

2. Probe thoughts.
Continually probe for thoughts, reasoning processes in analyzing data, problem solving, making
decisions, planning actions:
>”How did you know that?”
>“What was going in your mind at the time?”
>”Tell me your reasoning as if “thinking out loud” at the time” (of the incident, NOT present, which
is hypothetical).

3. Don’t accept generalized responses to specific questions.

 INTERVIEW TECHNIQUE

• Pure enquiry
– Where were you
– What led up to the situation
– Tell me more
– Please go on

ESADE 19
 EXPLORATORY ENQUIRY: FEELINGS AND IDENTITY

• Feelings and reactions

– How did you you feel about that
– What was your reaction
• Hypthesis about case
– Why do you think that happened
– Why did they do that?
• Action taken/contemplated
– What did you do?
– What will you do?
ESADE 20
• Cognative enquiry
– Could you have ?
– Have you considered?
– Why didn’t you think about..?

ESADE 21
 EMOTIONAL SELF CONTROL

Emotional Self Control Remain calm in stressful situations

Remain composed, even in trying

moments

Control impulses appropriately in

situations

Control impulses for the good of

others

Act appropriately even in emotionally

charged situations
 competency Indicator
Empathy Understand others by listening attentively

Understands others by tuning into people’s

moods or non-verbal expressions

Understand reasons for another’s actions

Understand others from different backgrounds

Understand others’ perspectives when they are

different from their own perspective
WHAT ARE THE MAIN EMOTIONS WE
EXPERIENCE?
• Sadness
• Joy/happiness
• Disgust
• Contempt
• Anger
• Fear
• Surprise
1 2
3 4
5
6
7 8
9 10
11

12
13
Zygomacticus
muscle Orbicularis oculi

Which one is the politician?

Duchenne smile
neutral
disgust
Slight sadness
 Controlled anger
Slight enjoyment
Slight fear disgust
upset Masked anger
Slight fear or surprise
Controlled anger
Controled fear Controlled anger
contempt
 EMPATHY PRACTICE

Role Reversal
1.A Real Case. The negotiation case that you select should not be
fictitious. It should be a case that you are personally involved in. You
will be asked to share the details of your case with only one person
(of your choice), not the entire Working Group.
[Link] Unresolved Case That is Difficult for You. The case you select
should be an unresolved negotiation (either current, or upcoming)
that you feel is particularly difficult and challenging for you. In short,
pick a negotiation that is non-trivial: one that engages your doubts
and fears about your own competence. The more difficult the case
you choose, the more you will tend to get out of the exercise.
[Link]-Party, Not Multi-Party. Your negotiation case should involve
only one other person directly (in other words, you should not
select a negotiation in which you are negotiating simultaneously
with more than one person).
[Link] Context is Fine. Make your selection from any context you
wish (e.g., business, professional, family, romantic, etc.).
Thanks!