EXPECTATIONS
At the end of the lesson, learners should be able to:
1. Discuss an understanding of teen-age relationships, including the acceptable and
unacceptable expressions of attractions (ESP-PD11/12PR-Iii-9.1);
2. Express his/her ways of showing attraction, love, and commitment (ESP-PD11/12PR-
Iii-9.2); and
3. Identify ways to become responsible in a relationship (ESP-PD11/12PR-Iii-9.3)
LESSON 4: Dynamics of Attraction, Love, and Commitment
PRETEST:Multiple Choice: Encircle the letter of the best answer.
Multiple Choice. Select the letter of the best answer among the given choices.
1. What is that close connection between people, formed by emotional bonds and
interactions?
A. Personal Development C. Intimacy
B. Personal Relationship D. Commitment
2. Which of the following is NOT appropriate to do as an adolescent in expressing your
attraction to your significant other?
A. Communicating
B. Intimate physical activities
C. Smiling at each other
D. Sharing future plans
3. Which of the following influences the person to get attracted to people who are
geographically closer to them?
A. Physical Attractiveness
B. Proximity
C. Similarity
D. Reciprocity
4. Which of the following influences the person to get attracted to others who like them
back?
A. Physical Attractiveness
B. Proximity
C. Similarity
D. Reciprocity
5. What act refers to deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements made with
another person, entity, or cause, and where the values of integrity and respect serve
as a guide to one’s behavior and thinking?
A. Passion
B. Attraction
C. Commitment
D. Attachment
6. Which part of the love-struck phase involves focusing one's attention on a particular
person or desire?
A. Passion
B. Attraction
C. Commitment
D. Attachment
7. What does Robert Stenberg emphasize the type of love that is characterized by
intimate, non-passionate and with a long term commitment?
A. Consummate
B. Companionate
C. Romantic
D. Fatuous
8. According to Robert Stenberg, what type of love is an ideal and complete form of love
with intimacy, passion and commitment?
A. Consummate
B. Companionate
C. Romantic
D. Fatuous
9. Who among the ancient Greeks below, whose name is defined as selfless or
unconditional love?
A. Philia
B. Storge
C. Agape
D. Philautia
10. What type of love is named after ancient Greeks that is considered having a healthy
“self-compassion” love towards one’s self?
A. Philia
B. Storge
C. Agape
D. Philautia
11. If you were to choose a name for your family, which of the following Ancient
Greek names would you prefer?
A. Storge, Agape, Philia
B. Storge, Eros, Philia
C. Pragma Eros, Ludus
D. Storge, Philia, Philautia
12. Which of the following Ancient Greek’s types of love is recommended for friendship?
A. Storge, Agape, Philia
B. Storge, Eros, Philia
C. Pragma Eros, Ludus
D. Storge, Philia, Philautia
13. Which of the following is an element of a healthy relationship?
A. One person makes all the decisions
B. Trust one another
C. Be disrespectful
D. You are threatened
14. Which of the following statements is a good sign of a healthy relationship?
A. Your friend makes fun of you.
B. Your friend threatens to hurt you.
C. You are afraid of your friend's temper.
D. Your friend is happy when good things happen to you.
15. Which of the following statements is NOT a sign of healthy relationship?
A. You feel safe to share secrets.
B. You feel fear in your relationship.
C. There is communication, sharing, and trust.
D. You feel good about yourself when you’re around the other person.
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Pre-historic humans were interacting already through different forms of behavior
such as smiling, greeting each other, showing love, affection and loyalty, or hunting food
together. These were all necessary for their survival especially in the group that they
belonged to. The primary reason for human beings to belong is for survival.
Today, belongingness still exists since it has many benefits such as having a support
system when you need someone to share your sadness, happiness and other concerns
especially for adolescents. In the adolescence stage, a sense of identity begins to
form that involves shaping values and setting future goals. Adolescents develop social skills
and interact with the people around them. Nurtured relationships with other people help
us to thrive. Hence, we need to understand the relationships formed by teenagers among
the people around them.
As you have listed the people with whom you have a close connection right now in
your Activity 1, in this section you will know what close connection you have with them.
These are personal relationships, family relationships, friendship, and romantic
relationships.
Personal Relationship
This kind of relationship refers to the association and close connections between
people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow and form
mutual experiences. Personal relationships generally refer to family, friends and significant
other.
Changes in physical and cognitive aspects go along with changes in relationships
especially with family and friends during the adolescence period. Moreover, in the
adolescence stage, a new understanding of one's self occurs. This may include
independence, identity, and self-esteem. The personal relationship then plays a significant
role in the adolescent's pursuit of self-understanding.
Family Relationship
Family is generally defined as living together in a household whom related by birth,
marriage, or adoption. It includes siblings and parents whom you grow up with. One’s
family relationship is also extended to grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins though not
living together. In family, roles are also defined. Parents and older relatives role is to guide,
discipline, and support younger members.
Family bond plays a vital role in a person's well-being. It forms other kinds of
relationships such as friendships and romantic relationships bound by love and closeness.
On the other hand, there are also arguments, disagreements, moments of anger and hurt in
a family since you spend so much time together. There is a usual increase in arguments
and conflicts with parents when adolescents assert their independence as their way of
finding self-identity. However, these are short-lived for families when there is love, care, and
understanding.
In families, the physical expression of bonds also varies. Family members express
affection through hugging, kissing on the cheek or forehead, patting the head or tousling
the
hair, patting on the back, etc. In whatever ways affection is expressed, these show closeness
and respect of each family member.
Friendship
Friends are the people we are not related to us by blood or adoption but we choose
to interact with them. They are the people with whom we share our trust, respect, and
care. We feel that we can confide in them and we want to spend time with always.
Friendship is a reciprocal relationship. Both people must see each other as a friend for the
relationship to exist. Good friendships are mutually respectful, supportive and share
common interests and ideas. It should be built on honesty, support and loyalty.
There are different degrees of friendship. You may find that you feel closer to some
friends than others. Some friendships, especially if they have only known each other for a
short time, may not share personal issues or concerns. Usually, you may find that you feel
more comfortable and able to confide in friends whom you have known well.
Furthermore, friends who are very close and known each other well are referred to as
“best friends or close friends”. Some people have many friends, while others may only have
one or two. There is no right or the wrong number of friends to have and everyone is
different.
Some friendships can be close while some friends choose to greet each other by
hugging or kissing on the cheek, other friendships may have no physical contact, or may
simply shake hands. However, romantic contact or being intimate physically is not
appropriate in a friendship.
Romantic Relationship
A romantic relationship is when you feel strongly attracted to the other person. The
attraction encompasses a person's personality and even physical and should be reciprocated
by the other person in the relationship.
A romantic relationship is described as the closest form of relationship in which, the
two people who are involved will often describe themselves as being attracted to each other
and/or "in love". They feel a strong connection and bond with each other that they do not
feel with anyone else, even with close friends. The bond is also exclusive and monogamous.
People in a romantic relationship often see each other and when apart will find ways
to contact each other by phone and the likes. An example of a romantic relationship for
adolescents is between a boyfriend and girlfriend.
Arguments and disagreements in romantic relationships also occur. These
arguments can be overcome through effective communication and understanding. In other
cases, if there are frequent arguments, the two people involved may decide to seek help from
friends or adults.
As two people continually share interests and desires to live their lives together they
eventually discuss their plans. For adolescents, various kinds of physical contact are not
appropriate. These include prolonged cuddling and holding, kissing on the lips and sexual
intercourse. These activities may lead to premarital sex and untimely pregnancy. And so, for
the romantic relationship to be successful for both adolescents, it is built on love, trust,
respect, support, and acceptance.
WAYS OF SHOWING ATTRACTION, LOVE, AND COMMITMENT
Every human being has his way of expressing his attraction, love, and
commitment due to our different life experiences. When the attraction between two
persons is discussed, it is often perceived as based on physical appearance while this
might be true to a certain extent but there is more to the attraction.
According to Helen Fisher, the attraction is primarily on physiology or certain
hormones that get attracted to others and are the first stage during the changes of
personality development which leads to closeness, love and commitment. However,
disappointments in relationships occur usually because of the misunderstanding about
the different ways of expressing their attraction, love and commitment. Thus, let us
explore in this lesson how we can express our attraction, love and commitment to
others.
What’s In
Activity 2: The People I am Attracted to
Directions: Write down the name of the person/s that best fit each statement in the
second column. In the third column, write the reason/s of your attraction
similar to the statement given; you can answer as many as you can. The
first statement is given as an example.
Statement Name of Person/s Reasons
I am feeling attracted to him. Ben Lovely eyes
Beautiful smile
1. I like him/her because he/she is physically
attractive.
I am attracted to him/her because I am
2. familiar
with him/her and we often see each other.
I am attracted to him/her because we are
3. alike.
4. I am attracted to him/her because we have the
same feelings or we like each other.
In an attempt to understand the dynamics of attraction, love, and commitment various
approaches explored it. It can be explained through physiological, emotional, and even
historical contexts.
I. Biological Model of Love
As proposed by anthropologist Helen Fisher, there are three brain systems of love:
lust, attraction, and attachment. Each also involves different neurochemicals in the brain.
Depending on a person, a love relationship can start in any of these three.
Lust refers to an urge or desire that motivates us to partake in sexual activity. It is
also described as sex drive associated primarily with estrogens and androgens.
Attraction is described as the love-struck phase. It involves focusing attention on a
particular person. Many factors influence attraction such as physical attractiveness,
proximity, similarity, and reciprocity.
a. Physical Attractiveness is one of the primary determinants of romantic attraction.
Most people prefer whom they consider physically attractive especially in the early
stages of dating.
b. Proximity can be explained when people tend to get attracted to people who are
geographically closer to them. They are more likely to develop feelings of mutual
familiarity with the people who live close to them. For example, being attracted to a
classmate since you regularly see the person.
c. Similarity is when people choose partners whom they find similarities such as social
class, religious beliefs, and education. It explains when two people share more attitudes
and opinions, the more they will want to do the same activities. As a result, they would
create a strong bond between them.
d. Reciprocity means people like others who like them back. The more a person is liked
by someone, the more he/she behaves in ways that promote mutual feelings of liking.
Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to
another. Usually, long-lasting commitments are exchanged when people are attached even
across time and space.
III Triangular Theory of Love
There are three main components of love as suggested by Robert Stenberg
(1988). These are intimacy, passion, and commitment. The relationships vary and
depend on the presence or absence of each of these components.
1. Intimacy is an interpersonal relationship that involves physical or emotional
intimacy.
It is characterized by closeness, connectedness, and boundedness.
2. Passion is described as an intense emotion towards a person. It is also shown as
compelling interest for someone. Like having a desire to spend time with a person
most of the time.
3. Commitment is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements with
another person. Wherein, the values of integrity and respect are evident in the
relationship. Ways to express commitment in a relationship is showing loyalty and
conveying honesty.
The combination of the three (3) components can produce eight (8)
types of love.
Types of Intimacy Passion Commitment Example
Love
Liking Yes No No Friendships
Infatuation No Yes No Experiencing love at first sight or
being obsessed with a person
Empty Love No No Yes Stagnant Relationships or
Arrange marriage
Fatuous No Yes Yes Relationships motivated by a passion
Companionate Yes No Yes Relationships lacking passion
such as those between family
members or close friends
Romantic Yes Yes No Being bonded emotionally and
physically to another person
Consummate Yes Yes Yes Complete love
III. Theory Love Styles
Ancient Greeks studied love and giving each type a Greek name. Lee (1973)
offers a theory derived from an analysis of writings about love through centuries.
Philia – Affectionate Love usually runs deep in true friendship. It occurs
without romantic attraction between friends or family members. It is also called
brotherly love when both people share the same values and respect. It can be
shown by engaging in deep conversation, exchanging beliefs and imperfections,
being open and trustworthy, and being supportive in difficult times.
Pragma – Enduring Love is described as a mature love that develops over
time. To reach this relationship commitment and efforts are needed. With the
partner by your side, you are "standing in love" instead of "falling in love". It is
expressed by strengthening the bond, seeking and showing effort with your partner,
and choosing to work with your partner.
Storge – Familiar love is a naturally occurring love rooted in parents and
children, as well as best friends. It’s an infinite love built upon acceptance and deep
emotional connection. It usually flows between parents and children or childhood
friends. Ways to show this love are sacrificing one’s time, self or personal pleasures,
showing gratitude and quickly forgiving. You also share memorable and impactful
moments.
Eros – Romantic Love is characterized by personal infatuation and physical
pleasure. It is a passionate love displayed through physical affection. In this case,
admiration is focused on someone's physical body. Hence, the couple engages in
physical touch such as hugging and kissing even if it not appropriate yet.
Ludus – Playful love is a child-like and flirtatious love found in the
beginning. This type of love consists of teasing and playful motives between two
people. It is shown by having fun together.
Mania – Obsessive Love as named is described as obsessiveness or
madness over love. It leads to unwanted jealousy or possessiveness. To avoid it,
obsessive or possessive behavior must be recognized to be properly addressed. One
should learn to focus on oneself more than another person.
Philautia – Self Love is having a healthy “self-compassion” towards one’s
self.
It is when you recognize your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs. Self-
love begins with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being.
Agape – Selfless Love is the highest love to offer. It is an empathetic
attitude of love. It is given without any expectations of receiving anything in return.
It is considered unconditional love. It is expressed by helping the other person
improve his life.
What’s More
Activity 3. Love Language in the Family
Directions: This activity aims to help you assess your preference in showing your
love towards your parents, friends and significant other. Take the “Love
Language Personal Profile” based on Dr. Gary Cahpman’s The 5 Love
Languages using this link [Link] If you don’t have
internet access, you can refer to the descriptions below.
Love Language Description
"Actions don't always speak louder than the word". Unsolicited
compliments mean the world to you. Wanting to hear "I love you" or other
Words of positive compliments you're your partner. And if you don't hear it, then
Affirmation you might feel unloved.
Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You wanted
to hear kind encouraging words that builds you up.
Doing nice things for other people and anything you do to ease the
burden of the other person are "acts of service." Whether it's changing
someone's oil, cleaning the house, or giving a back rub, doing things to
help make the other person happy is what this one is about. Helping with
homework can be an expression of love for you. The words you wanted to
Acts of Service hear are "Let me do it for you".
You value giving and receiving gifts and some do not. So, if you measure
your partners love by how many gifts you are given, then your love
language is “receiving gifts”. Don't mistake this love language for
materialism the receiver of the gifts wanted on the love, thoughtfulness
an effort behind the gifts. A miss birthday or thoughtfulness gift would
Receiving Gifts be disastrous.
You measure the quality of love by how much time other people want to
spend with you. If you don't get enough "together time," then you might
Quality Time feel unloved.
Being there for this type of person is critical, but being there – with the
TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks standby makes you
feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the
failure to listen can be hurtful.
A person whose primary language is physical touch is not very touchy.
Hugs, Pats on the back, holding ahead and thoughtful touches on the
arms can show excitement, concern, care and love. Physical presence
and Accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgettable
and destructive. Appropriate and timely touches communicate warmth
Physical Touch safety and love to you.
Lesson
BEING RESPONSIBLE
3 IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
What’s New
Activity 4: Friendship Stoplight Analogy
Directions: Recognize examples of positive and negative behaviors related to healthy and
unhealthy relationships. The purpose of this activity is to explore relationships
using a stoplight analogy. Color the circle corresponding to your answer.
RED – Stop! These are a bad sign of a relationship.
YELLOW – Caution! These are warning signs of a relationship.
GREEN – Go! These are good signs of a friendship!
[Link] are afraid of your friend’s temper. 9. Your friend threatens to hurt you.
[Link] enjoy being with this person but 10. You say that you agree with your
you also enjoy spending time with friends, even though you don't. You
other friends. are afraid they won't be your friend
anymore if you disagree with them.
3. Your friend pressures you to do 11. You rarely get to plan what the two of
things you do not want to do. you will do together.
[Link] friend tells you not to hang out 12. You are nervous that if you tell your
with certain people. friend something personal, he/she
will tell other people at school.
[Link] usually feel happy when you are 13. Your friend is happy when good
with this person. things happen to you and celebrates
your successes.
[Link] friends talk to you about his/her 14. Your friends sometimes make fun of
feelings. you.
[Link] friend criticizes you or the people 15. Your friend respects your feelings and
you care about. your opinions.
8. Your friend bullies and makes fun of
other people at school.
What Is It
The situations given in the previous activity can all be applicable among your family
and significant other or partner. Learn to recognize examples of people who engage in
negative behaviors that lead to unhealthy relationships. These are some important aspects
of healthy relationships.
Important Aspects for Healthy Relationships
Adapted from Woititz, J., Adult Children of Alcoholics
Mutual Respect Do I treat the other person as if he/she is of value?
Compassion Do I have a genuine concern for the issues that cause the other
person's concern?
Empathy To what degree am I able to allow myself to be open to what he/she
feels?
Understanding Do I try to understand the other person, what they say or do?
Acceptance Can I feel I am okay the way I am? Do I accept him/her as he/she is?
Honesty Is the relationship built on truthfulness, or are there games involved?
Trust To what degree am I willing to let the other person know private
aspects of my thoughts, feelings, and life?
Good Can we talk freely about issues that are important to the
Communication relationships?
Do we know how to talk so we each are understood and sharing is
safe?
Consideration Am I mindful of the other person’s needs as well as my own?
Compatibility To what extent do we like and value the same things?
Mutual In areas of disagreement, are we able to agree or disagree?
Enjoyment
Personal Integrity Am I able to maintain my beliefs and sense of self as well as offer my
time and attention to the relationship?
Vulnerability To what degree can I let down my barriers and allow the other person
to see my perceived weaknesses, without fear of negative reactions
from them?
Summary
1. Personal Relationship refers to the association and close connections between people,
formed by emotional bonds and interactions.
2. Different Types of Relationships: family, friendship, romantic relationships.
3. Three Brain Systems of Love or Stages: Lust, Attraction and Attachment.
4. A factor of Attraction is physical attractiveness, proximity, similarity, reciprocity.
5. Three Components of Triangular Theory of Love by Robert Strenberg: Intimacy, Passion
and Commitment
6. The combination of the three (3) components can produce eight (8) types of love: Non
love, liking, infatuation, empty love, fatuous, companionate, romantic consummate
7. Eight love styles name after Greek names:
✓ PHILIA – Affectionate Love
✓ PRAGMA – Enduring Love
✓ STORGE – Familiar love
✓ EROS – Romantic Love
✓ LUDUS –Playful love
✓ MANIA –Obsessive Love
✓ PHILAUTIA –Self Love
✓ AGAPE –Selfless Love
8. Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Cahpman
✓ Words of Affirmation
✓ Acts of Service
✓ Receiving Gifts
✓ Quality Time
✓ Physical Touch
9. Important aspects to nurture relationship are the following: mutual respect, compassion,
empathy, understanding, acceptance, honesty, trust, good communication,
consideration, compatibility, mutual enjoyment, personal dignity, vulnerability