Matthew Popielarczyk

Kate Vieira
ENGL 481-1U
8 September 2010
My Writing History

Writing and I have a love/hate relationship. I enjoy writing on my own, especially when

technology is involved. On the other hand, I hate academic writing. My heart races in

anticipation of another assignment sheet.

Growing up, I taught myself web site coding and I designed web sites meant for various

purposes. I created a personal profile web site where I journaled. Eventually social networking

web sites grew in popularity and I abandoned my personal profile web site for others more

popular websites where I could journalexpress my thoughts. The first was Xanga. My journal

entries contained writingwere about everything—school, friends, volunteering experiences, and

my future dreams and aspirations. An entry from February 7, 2004 reads

School is hard, stressful, depressing, boring, annoying, and

sssslllllooowwwww. Today we had to go around to our teachers with a

yellow sheet of paper. The paper had possible course selections for next

year and the teachers had to recommend you for the classes (ex: if you

want to be in honors, they have to approve first). Well it turns out I

won't be in any honors classes next year. I feel....so....dumb. I bet

everyone will be asking "Hey, are you in any Honors classes?" and I'll

be forced to say no. Ugh. I hate this. I shouldn't have switched to

regular algebra. I wouldn't have if I would have known all the bad

things I was in for. Oh well, I had no choice, I was so confused and my

teacher was REALLY bad at explaining, so the only way for me to get a
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new teacher was to demote to regular algebra. Now that I'm in regular

algebra, I can't be in honors geometry next year and therefore I can't

be in Honors Biology. See how all this is caused by a BAD teacher.

I found that writing online was my muse. I felt more at home and comfortable when

writing online. With no threat of red ink in sight, I was free to express myself on my terms and in

my own words. The thought of writing to an anonymous audience was particularly salient to me.

I was content with writing to strangers—strangers that would judge me but were silenced. I

lacked images of faces in my head when I wrote online. It was different than writing in a

traditional journal with pages and ink. A traditional journal was silent. But I wanted to be loud, I

wanted the world to hear.

While sifting through my journal entries, I discovered that many of them ranted about

random topics as the one from February 7 had. Moving down the page to earlier and earlier

entries, I stumbled upon a particularly deep and interesting one. Written January 16, 2003,

It seemed that following winter break, school became more and more

depressing as the days dragged on. Today was the peak of that feeling.

The day started out the same old boring way as it had been for 2 weeks

after break. Then during first period, an announcement came on over the

intercom, it was our principle, "...I have something I think every

student should know, the Warren family experienced a tragic loss last

evening when a member of their student body passed away suddenly. The

student's name is not being released at the present time out of respect

for the family as some family members were out of the country at the

time of the student's death. Funeral arrangements are also pending for

the same reason." I was in keyboarding. At first, no one seemed to be

affected. I was. Class went on as usual and I couldn't believe it was

going down the way it was. I couldn't type. I was so sad and shocked and

scared. What if it was one of my friends? What if I knew him? I

immediately thought it was an accident at the ski trip that was last

night. I got to my next period and asked everyone I knew if they knew

anything.

The entry concluded with a blurb I had written about suicide prevention resources. I

wrote, “If you or someone you know is thinking about committing suicide, please visit the

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention web site.” This entry was one of my longest. One

of my most descriptive. There was something about this topic that connected with my own life.

High school, at least my high school, was all about cliques. The ones you wanted to be part of

and the ones you were stuck in. I was stuck. While never resorting to an extreme like suicide, I

endured my own struggles. I knew what it was like to feel stuck, left out, unwanted, useless.

Having his connection, this emotion, fueled better writing. Soon my writing would take a turn for

the worst. Soon, the emotion would disappear. Soon, my writing turned into black 12-point

Times New Roman surrounded by a white page.

My hobby writing kept getting interrupted by academic writing until finally the academic

writing completely took over. My sad personal web site reads “Last Updated 12/11/04”, and my

Xanga account reads “This site has been shut down by its owner…” Enrolling in Advanced

Composition the second semester of my senior year in high school seemed like a good idea at the

time. College was just around the corner and I needed to prepare. The first day was not even

close to what I had expected. The instructor, Mr. Connolly, outlined ground rules for the course.

Surprisingly, these ground rules were only slightly related to the writing process. His stern and

deep voice still resonates in my head, “Don’t let school get in the way of your education.” Mr.

Connolly made it very clear that the class was going to function exactly how he wanted it to. He
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was not going to allow the school curriculum or our laziness stand in his way. That first day in

Mr. Connolly’s class was also the first time I heard a teacher incorporate coarse language in

order to get his points across. Each subsequent class period I was afraid. Afraid that Mr.

Connolly might call on me. Afraid that I would not live up to the ground rules for the course.

Afraid that I would be the next victim to Mr. Connolly’s attempts of embarrassment. A glance

from him in my direction alone was enough to cause me to break out in sweat. I would not dare

be late for his class or to not take every suggestion he made in regards to my writing. I lost

control of my own writing. My name was still written at the top of each essay I wrote, but

somehow Mr. Connolly was written all over the rest of each page. My individuality. My

creativity. My emotion. Gone. Completely.

Writing was once therapeautictherapeutic and easy. Mr. Connolly made it stressful and

difficult. To this day, I still stress so much about my writing. Writing is a task I felt obligated to

complete according to the constructs set forth by an instructor. With each new instructor comes

brand new constructs. Mr. Connolly forbid use of “things, you, get, and a lot” and made us

change all passive voice to active. Mr. Connolly demanded polished writing. Correct grammar

and spelling. Correct formatting. Who really cares about the content of the essay, anyway?

Now that I am in college, I am steering away from what I have learned in Mr. Connolly’s

class. I tend to take shortcuts and I no longer polish my writing as much as I used to. Rather than

putting stress on grammar, my college instructors are looking for comprehension of a particular

concept in my writing. A glimmer of hope. Finally writing is about what I write, not about how I

write it.
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All hope was lost in English 300. It appeared that my grades were slipping down a

slippery slope. Finally, I decided to visit my instructor during office hours. He basically told me

that my writing was repulsive and that I am on the verge of failing the course. He said he would

be willing to approve my withdrawal from the course. With just five weeks left of the semester,

and no room in my schedule for the rest of my college career to fit this required course, failure

was not an option. There was a final paper and a final exam remaining in the course. For the final

paper, I met with my instructor during his office hours every other day for the next two weeks.

My instructor pointed out the aspects in my final paper that needed revising. Most of his

suggestions involved grammar and style. He suggested that I make my voice as a writer more

passive. He told me to add terms such as “it appears that,” “perhaps,” and “may” throughout my

paper. Any confidence I has acquired in my completed five semesters at the University of Illinois

were shattered. Even after making several revisions, I received a B- on that paper. A grade, I

believed, was not sufficient for the amount of effort put into the paper and the process of writing

it.

My motivation and my interest in writing follows the path of a rollercoaster. The

academic writing that is required of me in college completely stands in the way of my hobby of

writing. I developed an anxiety that was impossible to overcome through because of bad

experiences with bad teachers. This anxiety caused me to put off a writing task for as long as

possible. No longer was I rushing to my computer ready to digitalize my thoughts. To this day, it

is nearly impossible for me to begin academic writing without a deadline. Even then, the

assignment is not complete until just hours before the deadlineit is due. I am not motivated to

write unless I need to for a class. With a full course load every semester as well as jobs, student
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organizations, and social obligations, I find little time to write for myself. The extent of my

hobby writing can be found on Facebook or via e-mail.

Once again, enter a glimmer of hope. English 481 with Kate Vieira. This class has taught

me that the gap between academic and personal writing does not have to be a large one. I am

challenged as a writer in a positive way to accumulate my thoughts into a more personal manner.

My academic writing is gaining the personal style that was nowhere to be found in previous

courses. For once I am not afraid to sit down at my computer screen to begin answering a writing

prompt. I am growing more and more confident with my voice and style as a writer.

Recent academic writing has made me want to start writing again on a personal level

even more. My personal writing can be a little more formal, as with an academic paper. The

difference being that I have gained a style that is uniquely my own and it is something to my

own writing which I can be proud of. and confident about. I was thinking about creating a blog

web site. I could invite others from my program and we could all blog about our clinical

experiences and student teaching further down the road. Not only am I excited to express my

academic thoughts in a more personal manner, I am also curious to hear what my peers have to

say.

Writing takes on many different forms in my life. Although there is an obvious

disconnect that has plagued my past writing, I am learning now that different writing forms can

blend together to make my writing more unique and interesting. I’m the author and this is my

moment to be loud. In anything that I write, whether academic or personal, the confidence I have

recently developed as a writer will nourish the end result. The key to successful writing is to

make it your own. Whether on your accord or not, it’s important to take control.
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In the beginning you talk about your love hate relationship with writing and then at the

end you call it a rollercoaster. I think it would be really cool to combine those metaphors and

use them as a connecting tie between the moments in your writing history. For example. English

300 could be described as that moment in a rollercoaster where you drop so hard that your

stomach flies into your throat an you feel like you are going to puke. Just a thought.

I LOVE all the antecdotes. They are a lense into your earlier writing history and

important to you. However I would ask are they important to the paper? Will your point be lost if

you got rid of some of the anecdotes? I also feel like your voice is a tad bit muffled. The tone

you use to write anecdotes and the tone you use in other parts of your paper is different. Find a

way to have your personal inner genuine voice come through at all points the way it does in the

anecdotes.

I’ve learned a lot about you Matty! Make sure you let me know how that blog thingie

comes out.