Tap the power to virtually

see into other

people’s

minds

By BBlackwood
1
Copyri gh t 2007, Boyd Bl ac k wood. All rights re served.

ISB N: 978-0-6151-6974-3

DISCLAIMER AND TERMS OF USE AGREEMENT

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no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy, applicability, fitness or
completeness of the contents of this report. The information contained in this report is
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you are taking full responsibility for your actions.

Your level of improvement in attaining the results claimed in our materials depends on
the time you devote to the program, ideas and techniques mentioned, knowledge and
various skills. Since these factors differ according to individuals, we cannot guarantee
your success or improvement level. Nor are we responsible for any of your actions.

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TABL E OF CON TENTS

Introduction – “Up, up and away!” 5

Says who? 7

The Super Secret 9

A Few Words About Nouns 12

“Go, X-Ray Boy!” 13

What Is She Thinking? 16

If Your Partner Is Interested In Your Offer… 19

Signs of An Artificial Smile 21

Positive Facial Cues 23

Positive Body Stance 26

If Your Partner Is Accepting Your Proposal… 27

Positive Facial Cues 28

When Your Partner Is About To Commit 29

If Your Partner Is Disinterested 31

Negative Facial Cues: Irritation/Disbelief 34

If Your Partner Is Lying 35

Lies And Eyes 38

Negative Facial Cues: Lying 40

Is It Lie Or Is It Memory? 44

Eye Accessing Cues 43

“You Boys Shouldn’t Get So Excited…” 45

The Ugly Truth About Beauty 49

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The Transforming Secret 51

Dress For Persuasion Success 52

Expert Opinion: Posture 54

Neatness Counts – A Lot 56

Prescription For Persuasiveness 59

All Objects Seek Balance 61

Fake It Till You Make It 64

The Origins of Supersuader 66

If Your Partner Knows You 70

Expert Opinion: Voice 72

Your Entrance 74

The Perfect Handshake 77

Sit! 80

“It’s Rude To Point” 84

Deep Inner-Mind Persuasion 87

Mirroring 89

Matching 90

Pacing 91

Leading 92

Changing Your Partner’s Feelings 94

Persuaded? 95

Resources 98

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 “Up, up and away!”
– Superman

Have you ever looked at a superhero character in comic

books, graphic novels or on film and thought to yourself:“ I need

a secret superpower”? Many people have wished that, haven’t

they? They’ve said to themselves: “If I could bend steel bars or

see through rock or turn time backwards, think of the things I

could accomplish!”

I’m BBlackwood and I’ve certainly felt like that. As a

youth, I can’t tell you how many chairs, bookcases and finally

garage roofs I jumped off, wearing my mother’s best bath towel as

a cape, in an attempt to take to the air like my Saturday morning

TV hero….

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird, it’s a plane – it’s… oof!

Luckily, I never broke any bones. I never flew, either. I’m

pretty hardheaded, though; I didn’t give up. For most of my

lifetime, I’ve searched for ways to develop unique powers –

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superpowers that would allow me to achieve things others only

dreamed about.

That sounds crazy, right? Superpowers?

Fact is, I found The Way. (Short for what I call The Way

to Get Your Way.)

And you know the real secret to these secret superpowers?

Like a student at Dr. Xavier’s Academy, you have the capabilities

within you right now – in fact, you are probably using some of

these special resources every day without realizing their full

potential. All most people need to ramp these skills up to

superpower level is to refine them and practice them.

If you study, learn and truly apply the secrets I’m going to

share with you through this guide, you will have powers to

accomplish things others only dream about.

How would you like to be able to immediately start

bonding with anyone you choose and to create deep rapport

within minutes?

What if you could virtually see into other people’s

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minds – as if with X-Ray Vision – and could tell things they’re

thinking that perhaps they don’t even consciously know?

Imagine if you could quickly sense people’s hotbuttons,

dislikes, fears, needs and wants – wouldn’t that give you

incredible strength to use in persuading them to your way?

X-Ray Body Reading gives me those persuasion powers;

now you can use those skills to get your way, too.

I call that super. I think you will call it super, too.

Says Who?

I’m not a psychologist or behavioral scientist. I’m a career

persuader – in advertising, public relations and, sometimes

politics. Through a 35-year career (so far), if I didn’t persuade, I

didn’t get paid. So, theories, postulations, possibilities – I find all

that fascinating but as a hobby.

To feed my family, I had to find persuasion methods that

worked – not in theory, or in one university study, but out in the

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real world with real people. And the methods had to be successful

80, 90, 100% of the time.

I needed to become Supersuader!

So, I mined mountains of material, read Amazon rivers of

books and sought out articles, tapes, videos, CDs, interviews and

more. For over three decades, I have studied, tested, refined,

discarded and retested. I’ve plundered the most powerful know-

ledge on the subject from the fields of human relations,

psychology, hypnosis, neurolinguistic programming, stage

mindreading, kinesics, proximics and a world of other topics both

mundane and ethereal. Over years, I have distilled it all down to

the vital essence – that famous 20% that yields 80% of all

positive results.

In simplest terms, the stuff that works.

So, are you ready to fly?

Let’s go jump off some roofs!

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 (The Super Secret)

Every hero and heroine have some source for their special

powers, whether it’s the bite of a mutated spider, a magic amulet

or a convenient industrial accident. This is the power behind the

superpower.

So, what is the source of the persuasion superpowers we’re

going to develop? Are you ready? Here is the most powerful super

secret you will learn from me:

TRUST.

It’s so simple, yet so incredibly powerful. Condensed

down to the most essential and elegant explanation of everything

I’ve learned about persuasion (aka Getting Your Way) in 35 years

of study – TRUST.

The power of TRUST is so potent that once you master the

ability to develop it, you will be able to do more with it than you

may have dreamed possible.

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 That may sound incredibly naïve and simplistic to you but

consider what the word really means. My dictionary defines the

word TRUST as “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or

strength of someone or something.”

The secondary meaning given is “acceptance of the truth

of a statement without evidence or investigation.” As in: “He took

what she said on TRUST.”

Think about it for a moment. If you were totally

TRUSTed, what could you achieve? If people have a firm belief in

your reliability, your truth, your ability, your strength, what

would they do for you?

Answer: Anything.

People who TRUST you will give you their friendship,

will give you their love, will give you their money. In fact, if

you’re really TRUSTed, people will give you whatever you want.

A simple truth. But not necessarily simple to achieve.

The world can often seem a huge, jostling, hard-knock

place. It’s full of dangers, unseen pitfalls and fears, both real and

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imagined. TRUST is often in short supply; disTRUST sometimes

seems a much more realistic answer.

Exactly. That’s part of the power of TRUST – scarcity.

TRUST can still be created, however. In fact, most of us

deeply long to TRUST and to be justified in TRUSTing. (Another

vital component of TRUST-Power.)

I have searched out the best knowledge about how to build

TRUST and how to use it ethically in the most positive ways. I’ve

spent years condensing it down to its most vital essence for

myself, and now for you.

What you’re reading now will show you tested ways to

start building TRUST instantly with almost anyone, so you can

get what you need in life again and again – while giving the other

person what he or she needs.

(And, yes, repeating the word TRUST over and over in capital letters is a persuasion

technique – a form of hypnotic writing. I’m obviously not being covert about it; I’m

using it here to keep reminding you: TRUST is the source of all persuasion

superpowers.)

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  A Few Words About Nouns

Let’s make it easier on all of us. Instead of using “the person you
are trying to persuade” through this book, I will simply refer to that other
person in the persuasion process as Your Partner. If there is more than
one, I’ll write Your Partners.

The classic terminology of advertising and marketing often casts

“the person you are trying to persuade” in terms not of positive influence
but of war: target. When being less aggressive, advertisers usually type
“the person” as something passive and inert (audience) or merely a
statistic (demographic).

If the potent power that will make us truly persuasive is TRUST,

doesn’t it make sense to think of the other person in the process not as
an enemy or faceless cipher but as a human being worthy of respect?
(You certainly will not build TRUST if you treat people like anything less.)

Persuasion is a two-way enterprise, an exchange back and forth.

In fact, in many ways it’s like a dance, with you as the lead and the other
person responding to your gentle but expert guidance. That other person
in the dance is Your Partner.

Sometimes Your Partner will be male, sometimes female. So, to

make it even easier, I will often refer to Your Partner as just he or she.

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 “Go, X-Ray Boy!”

– Megaton Man

You may have heard that only 3% of all one-to-one

communication is actual verbal language. The rest is what is

classed as paralinguistics: body language, involuntary eye move-

ment, micro-expression and non-verbal sounds.

That popular “fact” is an overstatement, a misinterpret-

ation of some findings by psychology researcher Albert

Mehrabian. But even the most conservative theorists think that at

least half of our one-to-one communication takes place in a non-

verbal way and most likely it’s in the 60-75% range.

So, like an iceberg, as much as 3/4 of our communi-

cation is below the surface. There are our words up at the top

and then there is much more we’re saying hidden deep below the

surface of our spoken words.

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 X-Ray Body Reading gives you the power to see below

that surface and read those hidden communications, to actually

know what someone is thinking and feeling, no matter what she

says. It really is like having a sort of X-Ray Vision into people’s

minds.

Does that sound too fantastic to believe?

I have made a serious study of people who are attributed

with the power to read minds. So far, I have met no one with

positive proof of ESP. But I know for a fact that you can read

thoughts – and you do so every day.

Try it out: You see a man and woman in their 30s, arm in

arm, strolling down the sidewalk in a pleasant suburban neighbor-

hood. He has a big grin on his face; she has not. A buff 19-year-

old jock jogs by, shirt off, looking golden in the afternoon sun.

The woman turns her eyes very casually as the jock passes. The

boy catches her look, throws her a crooked smile and, almost an

afterthought, blows her a kiss. Now her head turns to watch the

jogger until he’s well up the street, and even then there’s a trace of

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his crooked smile on her lips. When she turns back, she finds that

her escort has stopped and is frowning at her, his hands on his

hips, his chest inflated. His bottom lip sticks out. She rolls her

eyes and heaves a tiny sigh.

I’ll bet you could tell me every thought that crossed both

those people’s minds (and maybe the jogger’s).

Try it again. Look at the young woman on the next page.

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  What Is She Thinking?
(Hint: It’s Not Good)

Turned away from you

Eyebrows are lowered

Eyes are narrowed

Lips are compressed

Jaw and throat are tight

Arms crossed
defensively

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 See, you can read thoughts – by reading body language.

I’m going to show you how to ramp up that power of body

reading and focus it like X-Ray Vision to help you get what you

want and need.

But I’m assuming you’re busy – you have plenty on your

plate without having to learn an entire system of complex body,

eye and sound cues. There are $300, 12-CD sets just teaching

body reading. And they’re wonderful. But I’m going to share with

you the vital 20% of that knowledge that will help you the most.

If you want to persuade people, if you want to get your

way, here are the two crucial phases of this knowledge:

1. You need to know when you are winning over someone

to your point of view, to your proposal – to your way.

2. And you need to know when you’re losing ground

with Your Partner.

When you’re persuading them. And when you’re losing

them. That is your radar and your guidance system. That tells you

if you’re on-track or if you need to shift tactics. In this guide, you

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will learn the most-used unconscious gestures and expressions

that tell when Your Partner is feeling positive about you, when he

is seriously considering your proposal and when he is ready to say

“yes.” You will also learn the signals that say Your Partner is not

feeling positive about you, when you are losing her, and when to

step back and start over. (Or run!)

You also need to know when they’re telling you the truth

and when they’re lying. For a variety of reasons we won’t

explore now, people will lie to you. How can you persuade

anyone to your way of thinking unless you truly know how he or

she is thinking? So, you must know when people are lying to you

and when they are telling you the actual truth. You’ll learn that

crucial skill as well.

These skills will be of practical use to you in the most

universal persuasion situations: business or governmental,

romance, interaction with family or friend, and social exchange.

Really, those situations account for almost all the persuasion

needs I’ve been able to uncover.

Ready? Go, X-Ray Boy (and Girl)!

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 If Your Partner is interested in your offer…

1. Positive Facial Cues

Watch the eyes. Eyes and mouth, as you know, are usually

people’s most expressive features. If someone is interested in you

and what you’re proposing, they will give you more and longer

eye contact.

(Unbreaking staring is a sign of hostility or dominance.)

Your Partner’s eyes will be open and relaxed if he’s

interested. As he grows more interested, watch for signs of his

eyes opening wider in appreciation. It’s almost as if the more

pleasing you are to the other person, the more that person wants of

you in their eyes.

Dilated pupils are very good indicators. Even the best

actor can’t control pupil dilation and contraction. It is autonomic,

controlled by the inner mind via the nerves. As such, it can be a

very truthful indicator of interest. Again, it’s almost as if he is

opening up to let you in visually.

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 On the other side of the coin, Your Partner will respond to

your eye-cues, including the size of your pupils. He will respond

more positively to you if your eyes are open in interest and your

pupils are large.

How can you control an uncontrollable nervous function?

TIP: By far the surest way to make your own body language

persuasive is just to truly decide you like the person you’re with and wish

them to succeed and prosper. You’ll not need to worry much about

yourself after that – your true inner mind will guide your every move,

leaving you to concentrate on reading the signals of Your Partner.

There will be more about this in the final section on your

body language. For now, let’s go back to the other positive signs

you can read in Your Partner.

Smiles – the most universal sign of acceptance and

appreciation. Even blind babies smile from birth. It is born into us,

bred into us, and is also by far the most commonly faked

expression cue.

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 A real smile has some kind of magic in it, doesn’t it? Look

at an old picture of you posing, maybe some group shot, trying to

sell a smile as phony as dime store pearls. Now find one of you

really having a great time, compare the smiles.

 Signs of An Artificial Smile

Smile only affects

his mouth – not the
rest of his face

Smile pulls to his left

Brows, eyes, cheeks
uninvolved (Right-handed person)

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 With smiles, or any expression really, watch the left

side of the face – their left side. The left side of our bodies, faces

included, tends to be controlled by the right side of the brain, and

vice versa on the other side. To simplify it drastically, the right

brain tends to reflect the emotional part of us, the truthful part of

us, in the sense that we most often act from feelings rather than

from thoughts.

So, a smile that pulls to the right could be giving an

indication that it’s real. But if the person is left-handed, be careful,

that often reverses the “code.” Unfortunately, not always.

Following the eyes and the smile, the eyebrows are third in

expressive importance. The majority of the time, they reinforce

and further define the message of the eyes. But when eyes and

eyebrows present at odds with each other – then it gets interesting.

Simple rules for eyebrows:

• Up is generally good

• Way up into furrowed brow is not good – confusion

and/or shock is not a very effective TRUST-builder

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  Positive Facial Cues

Attention is
focused on
you

Brows relaxed

Pupils dilated

Lips relaxed
and full

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2. Positive Cues of Head, Hands and Feet

If Your Partner’s head is leaning toward you, that’s a good

sign. It’s as if he’s being pulled your way by his mind. The more

he leans toward you, the… well, more he’s inclined to go your

way. (Sometimes the unconscious mind is remarkably literal.)

Nodding, of course, is a universal sign of agreement or

encouragement, signaling, “yes, go on….” Nods require no great

acting skill so they are not always sincere.

Consistent, well-timed nods do suggest that the prospect is

at least paying attention. Single and double headnods are good

signs; more could show he’s just going through the motions.

So, what must you do to build TRUST? Show interest

in Your Partner. You’ve already got your eyes open wide,

right? Lean forward, pay attention and nod encouragingly.

Hands, of course, seem just made for expression and with

many people, that’s where cues will leak out. You want to see

open-handed gestures, open palms, open-arm gestures. People

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who are open to you intellectually and emotionally often show it

by being open physically.

But if you want to really know what a person is thinking,

look to their feet. Even if Your Partner is adept at controlling and

masking his body language, he probably is too distracted to worry

about the body parts that are (literally) farthest from his mind.

Often Your Partner’s feet will be pointed where her mind

is really focused, whatever else the rest of her body is doing. This

is so simple that you might pass over it. You shouldn’t. In the old

days, fortunetellers and séance artists could build lucrative careers

out of just following the cues of their clients’ feet.

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  Positive Body Stance

Turned slightly to signal

non-aggressiveness

Genuine smile

Relaxed and open posture

Unbuttoned jacket suggests

feeling of familiarity

Knee pointing at you

Foot pointing at you

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 If Your Partner Is Accepting Your Proposal…

His hands are open, perhaps resting relaxed and flat on

the table.

He may slightly loosen clothing – taking off a jacket,

unbuttoning a collar or rolling up his sleeves. This indicates that

he now has feelings of acceptance and collaboration.

She will show attention to what you are saying and doing.

She will follow you with her eyes, her head.

She may stroke her chin while considering, or fiddle with

her glasses, cleaning them or chewing on the earpiece. People

who do this may be hesitating because they need more details, or

they may just be buying thinking time.

Chin resting in palm can be a good sign, indicating that

he’s open to hearing more about what you have to say. The more

the head is supported by the hand, though, the more bored he is

becoming with what you’re saying.

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  Positive Facial Cues: Acceptance

Eyes
wide, Hand cradling
pupils chin but barely
supporting it
dilated

Lips
parted,
relaxed

Palm open,
fingers relaxed

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 When Your Partner Is About To Commit…

When Your Partner is almost convinced, he may become

slightly agitated and squirm a bit, a last flush of resistance against

committing to you.

He is thinking about all the consequences of saying “yes,”

trying to spot a problem that might result. This is the time to

gently but firmly recap the things you’ve said to bring him to this

point, reminding him of the positives.

Here are some signs that your prospect has decided to

move forward. In the sales world, these are known as buying

signals.

After the last-minute worry has passed, her expression

may lighten, she may grin, maybe impishly or even ruefully, as if

saying, “I hope I don’t regret this…” Her eyes and pupils may

widen. She breathes deeper, and holds the breath longer. She licks

her lips in anticipation. If she doesn’t actually lick them, her lips

may swell slightly as the tension in her mouth is relaxed.

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 She has made the leap – a psychological commitment –

now she is eager to act, excited and a little keyed-up.

That, friends, is the time to seal the deal.

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 If Your Partner Is Disinterested…

Closed fists are universal signs of something hidden or

readiness to fight – very negative cues in body language.

Probably the bit of body language wisdom that most

people know best is that crossed arms are a sign of wariness or

disbelief. Any closed body posture, from tightly crossed legs to

hunched shoulders, suggests negative energy. The prospect is

literally building a barrier between you.

Sometimes Your Partner will actually create a physical

barrier by putting her glasses or a pen or some other inanimate

object on a table between you – or sometimes in her hand held in

front of her – as a sort of symbolic blockade against you. Either

you’re saying the wrong thing, or you’re moving too fast in your

proposal. You need to slow down and go back to building TRUST

if this happens.

If Your Partner grabs or pulls on his ear, it can

demonstrate anxiousness. Often it is a sign that he has heard

enough – or wants to speak up himself.

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 Scratching the neck, especially if using the index finger of

the dominant hand, shows you’ve just said something that the

listener disagrees with or doubts. He’s saying, “Hmmm. I don’t

know….”

An oblong smile is a courtesy smile. The lips are pulled

back from the teeth all around, forming an oblong grimace that is

a fake smile. Real smiles affect the whole face – cheeks, eyes,

eyebrows, nose – fake smiles barely make it past the mouth.

If Your Partner takes care of a small personal task, say

removing a piece of jewelry or rolling up her sleeves, while she

still pays attention to you, it suggests that she is comfortable with

you. You’re building TRUST.

Be careful, though, when Your Partner takes care of very

personal tasks – filing or clipping nails, picking or flossing teeth

and so on. That shows disdain.

Interrupting you, changing the subject being discussed and

attending to other business, such as phone calls or emails, are

major signs that you’ve lost him. You need to start again and

quickly build a bridge of TRUST between you.

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 But first, you’ve got to get his attention back. A question,

preferably combined with leaning in toward the person, will

usually bring his attention back to you. If that doesn’t work, make

a sweeping gesture with your hand as you talk – that should draw

his eye.

I carry a silver writing pen with me. When I gesture with

that, not only is there movement, but a flash of reflected light.

That pen is my secret weapon, the pride of my batbelt. I’ll

show you the really cool things you can do with a simple pen in

later guides. (It has to do with using covert hypnotic persuasion.)

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  Negative Facial Cues: Irritation/Disbelief

Head cocked in
disbelief

Eyebrow raised

Lips
Eyes narrowed,
compressed,
pupils constricted
one-sided
frown

Jaw clenched,
chin tucked in
protectively

34
 If Your Partner Is Lying…

This is important for all of us – how to become Human Lie

Detectors. There are whole books written on this, but I’ll give you

my vital 20%.

Most people don’t like to lie. Even if we think we don’t

mind, most of us hold a deeply ingrained idea that lying is wrong.

And even more, most of us fear being exposed as a liar. The price

of being caught lying in our society carries with it a whole list of

painful consequences from loss of reputation to loss of freedom –

as in incarceration for perjury.

So, when people do lie to us, they often unconsciously

leak hints of the internal strain.

Remember I said that the unconscious mind can be very

literal? Liars will often be compelled to try to hide or suppress the

lie physically. As they lie, they will often mask their mouth in

some way. It could be as small as a finger on the lip, as if they are

trying to hold the lips together. Or they might unconsciously try to

contain the lie by speaking behind their hand or into a fist.

35
 Clinched lips, thinner, perhaps paler, suggest inner turmoil

and perhaps physically preparing to lie. Watch for signals that the

head is locking down – jaw tightened, mouth taut, teeth clinched.

You’ve heard the expression, “He lied through his teeth”?

People often do; they clinch their teeth and move their mouth less

when they lie. Again, their minds are literally trying to hold back

the lie.

A visible tightening of the throat is another indication of

trying to choke off the untruth. Dry mouth and increased

swallowing may accompany this; a strangled or hoarse voice

could be another symptom – and clue.

Even the nose gets involved in lying. Remember

Pinocchio? Collodi’s evergreen fable was based on smart

observation all those years ago. There is an internal struggle when

we lie, causing our blood pressure to rise in many cases.

Blood moving into the face engorges the nose and it

actually grows a tiny bit, like Pinocchio’s.

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 Increased pressure causes the nose to tingle. So, watch for

touching, rubbing or scratching the nose – these can indicate

deceit. Picking the nose… that’s just bad manners.

The increased blood pressure from lying may cause the

neck to swell also, causing that tugging-at-the-collar, “is it hot in

here or is it just me” behavior lying people often exhibit – at least

in old movies. Flushing with color, of course, also shows that

some strong emotion is present.

In general, timing between gestures and words may just

seem off, perhaps mechanical or overly controlled.

A falsely accused person will usually go on the offensive; a

liar will go on the defensive.

Touching, pointing and strong gestures can often signal

that Your Partner is truthful. Liars will not make gestures that are

as strong or touch you as much as truth-tellers.

A liar will want you to believe him; a falsely accused

person will want you to understand him.

37
 Lies And Eyes

The eyes hold an almost mythic status in the lore of lying.

Most liars believe that if they are caught lying, it will be because

their eyes gave them away. This belief must stem partly from the

poetic notion that the eyes are windows into the soul. Somewhere

deep inside the liar, a whispered voice tells her that the black of

her pupils will reveal the color of her lying soul, so she won’t

meet your gaze.

Shifty-eyed or just simply shifty are terms that have long

been popular synonyms for liar – or at least for someone who is

likely to lie to you. That’s the origin of the BB-eyed villain of

fiction, too – but is it really true?

Well, yes and no.

It is true, as with the mouth not wanting to let the lie out,

not looking at you can be a strong sign that Your Partner is trying

to distance himself from a lie. Just the fact that many people

believe that eyes cannot lie often makes it a reality.

38
 Rubbing the eye is another way of avoiding looking at

you. Or it could be allergies, so don’t let that be your only clue.

Looking intently at papers, the television, the passing

traffic, whatever can be a sign that Your Partner is hiding his eyes

from you.

Sunglasses, of course, have been assisting deceivers

almost since the first person figured how to darken optical glass

with smoke. Certainly, if Your Partner is wearing shades in an

inappropriate way – at night, indoors, in a restaurant – and is not

an Elvis impersonator, be alert for other signs.

39
  Negative Facial Cues: Lying

Face turned,
refusal to meet
your eyes

Eyes looking
off. Is she
inventing a
response?

Blushing

Mouth slack as if
hesitant to form lie

40
 Is It Lie Or Is It Memory?

Actually, eye cues are much more complicated – and

fascinating – than the shifty-eyed idea explains.

Separating truth from lies often involves questioning. It’s a

basic component of police work, courtroom law, military

interrogation and much more. As such, a lot of study has gone into

reading eye movement to determine if answers given during

questioning are truthful or not. This area of study is called Eye

Accessing Cues.

The way it works is this. Our brain stores information

of various sorts in different areas of our memory. Visual

memories, for instance, are stored over in our left brain – the more

rational, factual part of our brain. When someone is asked a visual

question like “What does it look like?” or “What color was it?”

which involves consulting memory, her eyes will actually roll up

and to the left (her left side). It’s almost like she’s trying to look

up into her left brain and read the answer stored there.

41
 When that same person is asked something to which she

wants to respond with an untruth, she will look up and to the right.

Why? Because the right brain is the creative side; she is trying to

create an answer.

Ah, but be careful. The clues are usually reversed for left-

handed people.

Those accessing cues are for visual memory. For auditory

answers – “What did the band sound like?” or “What did she

say?” – right-handers break right and horizontally for memories,

left and sideways for construction – in other words, making an

answer up.

If a person is describing something that they have seen or

heard, then their eyes should primarily move to visual or auditory

remembered. Howeve,r if Your Partner is making something up,

then his eyes will tend to move to visual or auditory constructed,

indicating that he is constructing some part of the situation he’s

describing. This may indicate that Your Partner is either uncertain

or untruthful.

42
 The basic eye accessing movements as mapped out by

Neurolinguistic Programming co-developers John Grinder and

Richard Bandler are:

1. (VM) Visual Memory: Eyes up and left.

2. (VC) Visual Construction: Eyes up and right.

3. (AM) Auditory Memory: Eyes horizontal and to the left.

4. (AC) Auditory Constructed: Eyes horizontal and right.

5. (K) Kinesthetic: (Accessing something that can be felt –

emotionally or physically) Eyes down and right.

6. (AD) Auditory Digital: (Talking to him-/herself) Eyes are

down and to the left.

For persuasion and questioning purposes, 1-4 are the

important cues to remember.

43
  Eye Accessing Cues

VC VM

AC AM

K AD
NOTE: As universal as these cues are, they are not 100% reliable. Some people
A
have unique responses, some merely focus and refocus without moving their
M
eyes, and some may have a fleeting thought not connected with your question

and may be cueing that. A

D

44
 “You boys shouldn’t get so excited
– it spoils your aim!”

– Wonder Woman

Understanding the inner thoughts and feelings of Your

Partner, as reflected in his or her face, gestures and movements,

can give you extremely useful insight to use in the persuasion

process.

But understanding the body language of Your Persuasion

Partner provides just a fraction of the power of this secret.

Remember I said that persuasion was like a well-

choreographed dance between you and Your Partner, with you

quietly but steadily leading the direction? Knowing their body

cues will help you guide them more expertly, but you still have to

guide them.

So how do you do that?

45
 Well, let’s talk about YOUR body language.

In order for you to have the power to persuade, you must

first create, what?

Ah. You haven’t forgotten the most important secret I

have to share, I hope.

TRUST.

TRUST is the power that vitalizes your persuasion super-

powers. You will be able to persuade others to the exact limit of

how much they TRUST you.

So, your own body language must always speak in a

TRUSTworthy manner. And it must start doing it immediately.

In any personal encounter, your first interaction will often

be visual. You will enter the presence of Your Partner or she will

approach you. Both of you will register dozens of almost instant-

aneous impressions. Dress. Posture. Unique features.

46
 (Just for discussion here we’re assuming that you’re

meeting Your Partner for the first time.) The first

impression of you will shape his expectations and may set the

course for all your interactions.

You know the old saying: “You only have one chance to

make a good first impression.” It is true; it’s crucial for you to

make a winning first impression. And by winning, I mean winning

TRUST. It is so crucial that it should never be left to chance. A

Supersuader never relies on chance – you must be prepared, in

control, and ready to quietly and gently take charge of the “dance”

from the first second on.

I’m sure you’ve heard the idea that people form an opinion

about others in the first few moments of seeing them. Some

experts say the first three minutes are the most important in terms

of forming an impression, some say just three seconds. In his

fascinating book, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell calls the process thin-

47
slicing – the ability of our unconscious to find patterns in

situations and behavior based on very narrow slices of experience.

Almost instantly.

Whatever the exact timing or mechanism at work, within

minutes of meeting someone, we have made hundreds of small

observations and drawn dozens of conclusions about his race or

nationality, general health and age, energy level, possible

occupations, where he might live, and educational and cultural

background. We may even have figured his political affiliation

and sexual leanings. And since we’ve practiced this skill every

day of our lives, our snap judgments will often be correct.

So, you must act immediately to start projecting TRUST.

If you hesitate, the person you’re trying to persuade may form a

one-second opinion about you that you will have to work doubly

hard to change, if you can change it at all. (First impressions often

prove to be indelible.)

Luckily, there are things you can do to greatly increase

your physical impressiveness and your ability to influence.

48
 The Ugly Truth About Beauty

The truth is, the more attractive you are, the better you’ll

tend to do in life. Experiment after experiment proves it: the better

looking you are, the more people will reward you. It’s not fair and

it’s not right. But it’s not incorrect.

Good-looking professors are ranked better teachers by

their students, and good-looking students receive significantly

higher grades from professors than the average in their class.

If you’re an attractive waiter or waitress, you’ll get better

tips. (You’ll do much better if you’ll also squat down and take the

table’s orders at eye level.)

A study released by the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis

states that good-looking people earn about 5% more than average-

looking workers. And below-average-looking workers earn 9%

less than average.

If you’re tall, you’ll be assumed more competent and

rewarded for it. If your torso is particularly V-shaped, people will

49
attribute all the virile virtues to you. If your bust is large, people

will attribute sexual prowess to you.

So, here’s an important tip. If you want to truly motivate

people and get your way, be beautiful.

But what if your genetics didn’t land you in the Lucky

Gene Beauty Club? That’s okay. We still have a lot of power at

our disposal. Remember that 3/4s of our minds we’re not

employing right now? Potential! Now that’s really beautiful.

Think about what makes someone attractive. One reason

we’re drawn to what we call beauty is because it suggests

vibrant health, the peak of vitality. Many of us are tired, bored

or lazy; we’re naturally drawn to vigor and vibrancy. You just feel

better around some vital people, don’t you? It’s like basking in the

warm energy of the sun.

That’s the first step you can take to start developing your

persuasiveness: develop your vitality, vigor and vibrancy. This is

especially true the older you get. The beautiful truth is that you

can greatly affect your health and vitality at almost any age.

And you already know how – it’s not news.

50
 You know there is a world of resources about getting in

shape, losing weight, stopping abuse of substances from cigarettes

to drugs. I’m not going to waste time by telling you how

important conserving, building, and focusing your health and

vitality can be – I’m sure you know it. Your health and vitality

affect every part of your life, you know that. And now, you know

that it greatly affects your ability to get your own way.

People in general are drawn to healthy people. So, you

must either be healthy, vigorous and vital – or act As If you are.

The Transforming Secret

Act As If you are. As If is the Secret that Transforms; I’ll

arm you with the power of As If in just a few pages. It’s going to

become a huge component in quickly supercharging your

persuasion powers.

For now, you’ll have to just take this on TRUST:

Whatever age you are, whatever your condition, you

should appear vital, vibrant and vigorous.

51
 Dress For Persuasion Success

As long as we’re on the first visual impression, some

basics to remember: Make sure you’re well-groomed and well-

dressed. By well-dressed I mean dressing about 10% better than

Your Persuasion Partner. No more and no less. Your attire should

be just slightly more dressy, more expensive, more well-pressed

and neat than Your Partner’s. It should never dramatically call

attention to you.

Because, you see, you’re not trying to impress Your

Partner with how cool or hip or fashion-forward you are. You

want to dress to influence, so you must look TRUSTworthy.

And what do people TRUST the most? Their own taste, their

own style.

The closer you can present yourself to how Your Partner

looks, the quicker you’ll begin getting your way.

How do you know how Your Partner dresses when you

may be meeting her for the first time? You do research. Recon.

52
Look her up on the Internet and see if you can find pictures. Ask

people who know her. I’ve been known to stop by the office of a

Partner I was planning to meet for the first time and ask for

(unneeded) directions from the company receptionist, just to

check the general dress code and tone of the office and perhaps

get a look at staff photos on display.

Obviously, if you’re meeting a Partner of the opposite

gender – or someone who wears a special uniform, costume or

national dress you’re not going to literally dress as they do. The

idea is to match them in general formality. Is a bathing suit

appropriate in the situation? Is a tuxedo?

You should match them also in general cost and quality

of garments (if Your Partner is dressed by Armani and you’re

dressed by Wal-Mart, you’ll have to work harder to build

early credibility).

And you should aim for equal stylishness. If he resembles

a librarian and you resemble a rock star, there will no doubt be

a disconnect between you.

53
 Expert Opinion: The Posture of Persuasion
Julie Steele Blackwood

“Stop slumping,” my wife often reminds me. It’s more than just

a spouse’s gripe; it’s my personal trainer’s orders. Julie Steele

Blackwood of BodyShape ProFitness has been shaping competitive

athletes and Miss America hopefuls and helping others achieve their
fitness

goals for over 20 years. She is certified by the National Federation of

Personal Trainers, the American Council on Exercise and Alternate

Health and Fitness for Pilates.

How would you like to reduce back problems – the most common
physical complaint there is? Okay, if that’s not enough, how would you
like to also look and feel more confident, charismatic and dynamic? Still
not enough? How about adding two inches to your height? And looking
10 pounds lighter. And how about achieving all that in three seconds?

No, it’s not some miracle pill or new laser surgery; it’s just the
everyday good advice your mother probably starting giving you as soon
as you could stand: Stand up straight.

Fixing flaws in your posture, whatever age, can be one of the

fastest self-improvement moves you ever make. It just takes getting into
(or back into) the habit of correct posture.
54
• The spine of the back naturally forms an S-curve

• If hips, shoulders and ears are aligned, your spine’s curves should

also be in line

• Imagine that you are being held up by a string, like a marionette. It goes
from the top of your head to the ceiling and holds you lightly suspended

• Now try relaxing into the stance while still keeping the string taut. This is
correct posture

Standing:

• Your shoulders should be back

• Your chest is forward and slightly raised

• Your head should be held upright and straight

• Your stomach should be tucked in, but not tilting the pelvis forward

Sitting:

• Your rear should touch the back of the chair

• Your body weight should rest equally on both hips

• Place a small pillow, or a rolled cloth or towel between your lower back
and the back of the chair

• Your knees should be at a right angle and a little higher than your hips

• Both feet should be flat on the floor

55
 Neatness Counts – A Lot

As you move closer to Your Partner, it will important that

you not present any physical trait that will distract him or make

him wonder about you or your upbringing. Make sure your

grooming is also 10% better than Your Partner’s.

• Your teeth should be clean and white and in

good health

• Your breath should be fresh

• Your skin should be smooth and unblemished

• Your hair should be well-cut in a contemporary

and flattering manner

• Hair should be clean and appropriately styled

• If you wear facial hair (and many experts say “don’t”)

make sure it’s neatly trimmed

• Regularly inspect for and remove hairs growing in

unusual places – in ears, on ears, in noses, on noses, on

women’s chins, on women’s lip and so on

56
• Strong eyebrows can be an impressive and expressive

feature of a face. If they’re long enough to get tangled

or have merged into one, bring in an eyebrow-shaping

expert (Men, ask a well-groomed lady whom

she recommends)

• Chest hair usually turns more people off than it

pleases; display it at your own risk

• And while we’re at chest level: A woman’s cleavage can

be something like nitroglycerine. I certainly wouldn’t be

foolish enough to say that exposing a hint of femininity –

especially a flash of cleavage – cannot be very effective

with the right audience, in the right situation. Like nitro,

though, its power is badly unpredictable – a little too

much and POW. The situation becomes sexual and

perhaps not where you wanted it to go. Two bits of classic

persuasion advice: Know your audience. Proceed

carefully.

• Tatoos: See Chest Hair

57
 • Fingernails should be clean, neat and appropriate.

Again, if it fits Your Persuasion Partner’s world, wear

those air-brushed extensions with inset cubic zirconia.

But in most cases, neat-but-not-flashy works best

• Guys, we tend to fall down big-time on the fingernail

front. They must be clean at the very least. Not bitten

off. Not vampire-length. Clipped relatively short. Better

if they’re well cared for. Especially if you are trying to

influence up-close or across a desk, if you pass

documents or point to charts and graphs or use

expressive body language, get your fingernails in

shape. A periodic manicure is a relatively inexpensive

luxury for a man. Try it (But don’t be persuaded by the

cosmetologist – do not get even clear lacquer on your

nails unless you want to appear vain)

Again, your style should be as close as possible to Your

Prospect’s style, if you want to create TRUST. You’ll wear

your hair differently when you’re persuading your way into a

58
Heavy Metal Revival record deal versus when you’re testifying

persuasively before Congress, I hope.

Prescription For Persuasiveness

If you do all these things, you will be more physically

attractive. That’s all good – the more attractive you are, the more

naturally persuasive you are – but there are even more powerful

changes you can make to boost your influence.

People are drawn to physical perfection, we all know that.

But even more important, people are especially drawn to

psychological attractiveness.

Luckily, you don’t need to be in some special genetic

category containing 12 fashion models and a handful of hunks.

Anyone can be psychologically attractive.

There’s no question about this. Study after study tells us

that everyone feels more comfortable – more TRUSTing – in the

presence of someone who seems kindly, friendly and balanced.

59
Quietly confident. Positive. Strong – in the sense of emotional and

physical resources – and secure.

Here’s the exact breakdown. People are most attracted to a

person who is:

• Genuine

• Kind

• Confident

• Authoritative

Genuine: This has also been described as authentic or

congruent. I know this is a lot coming at you fast, but all of this

will become clear and sensible to you soon.

People also appreciate a person who is kind. Other

descriptions include loving, caring and non-judgmental.

People tend to TRUST others with unshakeable TRUST in

themselves – confidence.

And, if you seem to have authority, it is easier for people

to intellectually justify their TRUST in you.

60
 All Objects Seek Balance

Many people’s lives are out of balance. They feel

confused, overworked and overwhelmed. No matter how

important any of us may be, or how successful, or how seemingly

strong, deep inside most of us are unsure. A lot of us are anxious.

Some are flat-out terrified.

One of the wryest, and truest, comments I heard in my

years in the ad agency business was uttered by a young account

executive at the end of a grueling day: “I think I’ll call in scared

tomorrow.”

And all around most of us are other people with problems

– some with severe problems – and people who want things from

us, who are downers, who are nay-sayers, who threaten to siphon

the spirit out of us like one of Harry Potter’s Dementors.

When we first meet people, we often go on Orange Alert –

to protect us in case the other person is out to take something from

us. Or infect us with their problems. Perhaps even hurt us in some

way. In case they’re out to unbalance our lives even more.

61
 We steel ourselves, we arm ourselves mentally and

emotionally.

We also show that wariness or disTRUST in our posture,

our expression, our breathing, our entire physical presence – our

bodies always reflect what is going on in our minds. And that’s

what makes the insights you will learn in this book possible

and powerful.

On the other hand, aren’t we almost magnetically drawn to

others who seem more balanced than we are, who seem physically

and emotionally healthy, who are apparently without major

problems? It feels good to be around people like that; they don’t

sap our energy, they have their own inner resources. They’re not

needy. (In fact, maybe we can even draw some psychic energy

from them.)

What a relief! No need for arming ourselves. No need for

protective walls.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “She has a disarming

smile” or “He’s disarming in his honesty”?

62
 Starting with the first image Your Partner has of you, you

can be disarming. Before you even open your mouth, you can start

building TRUST by radiating the image of a completely likeable

person – upbeat, confident, way too nice to ever hard sell.

When there is nothing to resist, Your Partner relaxes. He

opens up; he is disarmed of resistance.

“Wait a minute,” some of you may be thinking. “I’m not

that balanced. I’m not that confident. In fact, I’m confused, too, a

lot of them time. I have plenty of problems – and I do want

something from this person, I want them to give me my way!”

Remember the Transforming Secret, As If?

Many superheroes have a Transforming Secret, a special

word or action or something that causes them to transform from

their imperfect ordinary self into a superpowerful being. Young

Billy Batson uttered the mystic word Shazam and transformed

into an adult Captain Marvel. The crippled Dr. Donald Blake

tapped his staff on the ground and became the mythological

Mighty Thor. You will have As If.

63
 You will act As If you already are a Supersuader. You

will imitate the persona of a Supersuader hero, that will be the

source of your Supersuader Identity: Genuine, caring, supremely

confident but never conceited, with quiet authority.

In other words, superTRUSTworthy.

Now, some of you are probably saying, “As If? You mean

we’re going to be faking genuineness?”

Well, yes, that’s what I’m suggesting.

Fake It Till You Make It

Alcoholics Anonymous – an organization as experienced

in real-life human behavior as any I know – gives this advice:

“Fake it till you make it.” It’s a very powerful concept; ask any

developmental psychologist. By mimicking behaviors, we train

our brain how to make them our own. As infants and children, a

major component of our development comes from observing our

parents and others around us as they speak, gesture, use facial

expressions, walk and so on. We try to imitate them, probably fail

64
some, and then eventually we master the behavior. By using

others as models, we learn to pull up, stand, toddle, walk and

finally run – and the once-mimicked behaviors become a

permanent part of who we are.

This fact leads us to the full Transformational Secret – the

second most important secret you will learn from this book:

You can become whatever you want to become if you:

• Imagine it vividly enough

• Act As If consistently

• Allow it to become true

I know that sounds just too good to be real. One of the

most important lessons in life – how to be the person of your

dreams – can’t be that simple, can it?

Try it for yourself.

Smile at everyone and everything for 60 minutes; I bet

you’ll feel more upbeat and positive at the end of the hour. If

you’re still not convinced, then frown at everyone for an hour; see

if you don’t feel fittingly miserable.

65
 Once you learn more about the actual psychological and

physical (and physiological) aspects of persuasion, you’ll see that

what we’re talking about doing here is using essentially the same

tactics you’ll employ in convincing Your Partners. You’re just

turning the techniques on yourself first.

In fact, this is so important that it gives rise to

Blackwood’s First Law of Persuasion: You must be persuaded

first.

The Origins Of Supersuader

Now, maybe you’re thinking, “I can’t act. I didn’t even

get cast in the grade school play!” TRUST me, you don’t need to

act. You just need to imitate.

Everyone can imitate, we’ve been doing it all our lives.

As we said, when you were an infant, you imitated the way your

parents stood up and walked. In school, you imitated how popular

kids did things, how they talked, how they stood and walked, the

66
attitude, the look. And, in our immaturity, some of us aped the

unpopular kids with devastating accuracy.

Here’s all you have to do: Find someone to imitate. When

you say the word TRUST who jumps into your mind? A movie

icon like Gary Cooper or Tom Hanks? Your grandmother? The

campus star when you were in college?

Remember what the majority of people say they expect in

a person they TRUST:

• Genuineness (authenticity or congruence – “being

yourself”)

• Love or caring (being a kind person, a fair person)

• Confidence (being balanced, positive)

• Authority (wisdom, expertise)

Who do you know that is a model of those characteristics?

Close your eyes and picture that person as vividly as you can in

your mind.

67
 After a moment, try taking on the characteristics you

admire in that person. Let the essence of that person affect the

way you stand, your expression, your energy level.

It’s really not that difficult. Monkeys do it. I know you

can, too.

It will be easiest to accomplish, of course, if you can find a

model who is already somewhat like you. The more you can make

needed refinements in your identity, as opposed to serious

changes, the quicker you can get your persona up and persuasive.

There is no reason at all why you can’t take on the TRUST

characteristics of someone of the opposite sex. You just need to

make sure you’re copying the TRUSTworthy character, not the

male or female expression of it. (Mimicking stereotypes of the

opposite sex is never recommended as a reliable TRUST-builder.)

Once you’ve got the look, posture, energy and gestures, try

going deeper into the character. What kind of “vibe” does this

person give off when you first see him or her? How does she show

her kindness? How does he demonstrate his positive attitude?

68
 Then you refine it further and personalize it. Ask yourself:

“If I were really full of easy-going confidence, how would I

stand? How would I walk?”

If your were an authority, how would you most likely

sound? How much would you speak?

Try out small components of your Supersuader Identity in

situations where you have nothing to lose if you’re not quite

convincing – with the store clerk when you’re buying something,

for instance, or with new people you meet in social situations. Try

assuming an attitude that says, “I’m a caring person” or “My

opinion is valuable; I’m an expert.” See how they react to you,

see how you react to them when you’re projecting this persuasion

persona. (It’s a two-way interaction, remember.)

Consistently practice the persona and keep refining it. I

promise that if you do, one day you will realize that it now fits

you as naturally and comfortably as your favorite pair of jeans.

Until then, what? Fake it till you make it.

Superheroes always wear a disguise, don’t they?

69
 If Your Partner Knows You…

Obviously, much of the preceding information concerns

the first face-to-face meeting with Your Partner. What if Your

Partner already knows you?

Then the same strategy applies, it must just be handled

more slowly and delicately. Obviously, the closer Your Partner is

to you emotionally – family, spouse, best friend – and the more

experience he has with you, the faster he will notice any abrupt

change in your behavior or attitude. He’ll need to watch you

change over a certain period of time to believe you are genuine

(the first and most crucial component of TRUST).

But you really shouldn’t have to drag it out very long.

Modern man is very dynamic; we make sweeping changes all the

time – starting instant relationships, suddenly ending long-term

ones; quitting and getting new jobs, careers, homes, hometowns,

families, bodies, you name it.

Chances are you have reserves of TRUST already

stockpiled in the hearts and minds of people who know you the
70
best. You’ll just need to strengthen it over two or three

interactions.

Warning: Don’t try to convince your family or close

friends that you’re an authority if you’re really not. You probably

shouldn’t bother trying to convince them even if you really are.

There are other ways of first communicating with

Persuasion Partners – via telephone or other broadcast devices

such as radio or television, or else via writing as with letters,

emails, books, pamphlets, articles, etc.

I plan to cover those important topics in later Persuasion

Superpower guides – this is a book about reading body language

cues (and projecting the most persuasive body language yourself).

I will pause here though for a short sidebar on developing your

most persuasive voice by a noted expert on that subject. Voice

tone, pitch, accent and rate of speech are all paralinguistic cues

and are worthy of study as part of non-verbal communication.

71
 Expert Opinion: Pitch-Perfect Voice
Helen Wilkie

If there is one quality that, more than any other, moves listeners
to be persuaded by our arguments, it is confidence. When someone
appears confident in his or her own statements, those listening are more
likely to assume they are correct. It’s possible to dissect this appearance
of self-confidence so that we can develop it for ourselves.

Think of someone in your organization who exudes self-

confidence, and whose views everyone instinctively assumes are correct.
Close your eyes and try to “hear” that person deliver a statement,
perhaps at a meeting. Where is the pitch of the voice? How quickly does
the person speak? Generally speaking, a low register and slightly slower
than average speed give authority to a speaker’s words. At the opposite
end of the scale, someone who speaks quickly, in a high-pitched,
squeaky voice, generally has little credibility.

You can work on lowering the pitch of your voice if you feel it is a
little too close to the “squeaky” end of the scale. Here’s an exercise that
helps. Choose a tune you know well, and simply hum it out loud. The
well-known tune of “Happy Birthday” works well for this, due to its
predominantly mid-range notes. The register of your humming is your
natural voice pitch. Now gradually slide out of the humming and say a
few words on the same level as the humming. Next, hum the tune again,
but this time consciously at a lower pitch, then slide out into the words

72
again. Do this several times, as long as the spoken word is comfortable.

Practice until you can lower your pitch at will, and consciously use the
new level as often as possible at work.

Speech that is too fast is also a credibility robber, but fortunately

this is easy to correct. Listen to your own voice on tape, and if it sounds
too fast, simply slow down.

Here’s an effective method of improving your overall delivery.

Choose someone on television who has credibility, in whose

words you feel inclined to place your TRUST– perhaps a newscaster or
interviewer. Audiotape a five-minute segment of that person’s speech,
then listen to it several times. Now listen to the first minute and repeat it
yourself, emulating the speaker’s tone as much as possible – that means
the speed, pitch and intonation. Do the same with each minute in turn,
and then try the whole segment. This technique is called “tape and ape”
and it will go a long way to improving your own delivery. These people
are professionals whose jobs depend on how well they present
information—doesn’t that also, in a way, describe you?

Helen Wilkie is a professional speaker, consultant and author who helps companies do
better business through better communication. Her latest book is The Hidden Profit
Center. To received free monthly tips and techniques on communication, visit
[Link] or [Link] and sign up for
“Communi-keys." Reach Helen Wilkie at 416-966-5023 or hwilkie@[Link].
© 2004 Helen Wilkie All Rights Reserved.

73
 Your Entrance

If you have to enter an open door, walk right in without

hesitation. If a door is closed, knock once or twice firmly and then

smoothly open the door and walk in. Isn’t that how a confident

person would enter?

Don’t get excited. Move slowly. Slow movements are very

practical – they make you appear calm and self-assured while

actually helping hold down any nervous clumsiness that might

shatter that image.

Note: The higher on the social scale you are – or desire to be –

the less you should gesture and the smaller and more controlled your

gestures should be. It’s as if the hidden message is that people with

status don’t have to move.

Warning: People from more emotive cultures and

upbringing may think small, controlled gestures show a lack of

conviction or even truthfulness. In most situations, lead with

smaller gestures and then become more expansive if you see that

Your Partner uses larger gestures.

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 Exhibit balance and command as you cross a room,

holding eye contact with the most powerful or senior person in

the room.

Now you’re entering into Your Partner’s personal space

and the rules of proximics kick in.

Proximics is the science of personal space and how we use

it and react to it. This subject is so crucial in interpersonal conduct

that you probably already know most of this by practice or

instinct. Even more than imitation, you’ve been practicing this

with every person you have ever met – for most of your life.

The normal interaction area of most humans is between

four feet and a foot and a half. There can’t be much involvement

with anyone farther away than 48 inches; closer than 18 inches

and you have entered the intimate space of someone – and that

may make her irritated, alarmed or outright hostile.

Not a good way to build TRUST.

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 It’s not an exact science. People have different spaces they

prefer and again it can vary by culture and upbringing.

Probably the most effective position is about two to three

feet away from Your Partner. Your objective is to be as close as

possible without violating Your Partner’s personal space.

(Now is when those grooming reminders I gave you will

pay off.)

Then you ease in smoothly and slowly throughout the

interaction. Do not make a move closer than 18 or 19 inches

unless it is with specific intention – to shake hands or perhaps

exchange papers.

In general, it pays to work farther back with a new partner,

closer in with a familiar one. Men can work a bit closer in with

women – if they’re careful to act TRUSTworthy. Women may

want to work a little farther back with men.

Start closer to those near your age, farther back for a

partner much older or younger. That brings us to Blackwood’s

Proximity Prescription: The more you’re like your prospect – in

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age, look, background and status – the closer in you’ll

probably be able to start. (Remember, the more Your Partner

sees herself in you, the faster you’ll establish persuasive bonds

of TRUST.)

Whatever the proximic situation, there is often one

incongruously intimate moment in meetings, even between total

strangers – sometimes between sworn enemies: a clasping and

holding and squeezing of hands. It does sound pretty intimate

when you describe a handshake like that, doesn’t it?

The Perfect Handshake

The handshake started as something quite practical, a way

of showing that you weren’t approaching with a weapon in your

hand. In other words, you could be TRUSTed.

Today, it’s an almost universal ritual, and should be dealt

with decisively and without fuss. Your hands should be warm and

dry, of course. If they’re wet and clammy, carry a handkerchief

and give them a vigorous drying just before you approach Your

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Partner – but never where they can see. (You’re radiating

assurance and balance, remember?)

So, handshakes: warm and dry hands. Grip firm but never

vice-like. Hand to hand, interlocking palms, web of thumb to web

of thumb; no finger shakes. No pumping the hand up and down. A

steady squeeze, hold the grip for a count of two or three.

TIP: Once your confidence increases, try pulling the prospect

toward you just a bit as you shake. It reinforces your lack of fear

(confidence) and your outgoing warmth (caring).

But do not get so warm that you try the two-handed

handclasp favored by politicians and drunks. It’s overwhelming at

best and overbearing at worst. To some, it suggests that you’re

trying to dominate them.

In the right circumstances, the two-handed handshake

favored by former President Bill Clinton – right hand shaking

yours, left hand warmly grasping your shoulder or arm – can

make you feel like you’re the only person he came there to see.

But I can’t pull it off successfully, and you probably can’t either.
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 The handshake is a touchy moment, literally and

figuratively. You’ve moved inside someone’s circle of intimate

space. You are gripping their (probably) dominant hand and

holding it immobile.

Get in, get out.

Back off to a safe distance. That is, one that feels safe for

Your Partner. Your mission now is to slowly, gently,

unthreateningly move in closer and closer throughout your

entire interaction.

Handing or showing something to Your Partner will allow

you to get a momentary pass inside her intimate space. Usually,

when you step back, you’ll be able position yourself closer to

Your Partner than before without alarming her.

Each time you move in close, and then retreat away

without unpleasant incident, you are showing Your Partner that

you mean no harm and are a friendly, good-natured person. You

are training her to TRUST you.

Surely you’ve approached a dog you didn’t know. The

best way, of course, is to ease in slowly, making sure at each step

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that the animal doesn’t react with fear or dominance before

moving closer. This tactic, applied with honest kindness and

goodwill, will usually have all but the most wary dogs eating out

of your hand within a few minutes.

It works with people, too.

Sit!

Jockeying for favored status within groups has trained

humans and other primates in a potent form of body language –

social or status positioning. You’re human, you know how it

works. The Head Honcho/Alpha Male/Father Figure sits at the

head of the table, in the biggest chair, or in the spot with the best

view. The Alpha Female or Beta Male takes the Mother Figure

position opposite him at the foot of the table or in the second-best

spot. When seated, equals tend to face each other, so often do

enemies. Intimates often sit, how? See, you know: side by side.

When you notice people in a side-by-side position, looking

off in the same direction, it’s a pretty good sign they’re totally

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harmonious – as if they’re sharing the same view or vision of

the world.

If they’re turned more toward each other, you may surmise

that they’re close friends or relatives. If they’re turned away from

each other, willfully ignoring the person who is right next to them,

you may guess that their views do not match. Or they’re relatives.

So, thinking about all that, how would you position

yourself for maximum persuasiveness in a one-to-one interaction?

If you’re standing, you should aim for a face-to-face

position, turned perhaps 10 degrees to your left to reduce any

suggestion of aggressiveness or confrontation. It’s a simple

position to assume from a handshake. It’s handshake, step back

right, step back at a 10% angle with the left. There you are.

Then throughout the exchange, as you move in closer, also

slowly open up the angle between you until (this may take several

exchanges) you reach side by side. The body language message

Your Partner’s subconscious registers is that you two are literally

on the same side. Then you really are partners.

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 If it looks as if you’ve moved too close, too fast, just

quietly ease back. As you interact (and distract), begin to move in

again gently.

Be very clear in your intent – in your own mind and in

Your Partner’s mind. The only reason you keep moving closer to

Your Partner is because the two of you are feeling more and more

comfortable together, drawn together like old friends chatting

beside a crackling fireplace on an October evening.

If you’re sitting, try to get on the same side of the table as

Your Partner, at least for a few moments to point something out in

a document or place something on the table for inspection.

If Your Partner places you in the classic “business

meeting” situation – he on one side of a desk, you on the other –

and keeps a table between you as a barrier, do your best to move

your chair at least to the open side of the desk.

This can be effective in someone else’s office; I often

move the guest chair a little to the side as I approach the desk, as

if to make room. When I sit, I “accidentally” shift it a little more,

and so on.

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 When it’s most effective, though, is when it’s your desk.

Coming out from behind the protection of your furniture and

meeting Your Partner in more open surroundings instantly signals

your confidence and your intention to be friendly and open. That’s

a lot you can accomplish just by moving to a different chair.

If you do your persuading in your office, try putting two

guest chairs squarely facing your desk. When I was an advertising

creative director, I always set up my office that way. Agency

creative directors tend to have to console and reassure a lot of

people – clients who want to bail on a concept before it gets a

chance to work, account service folk who are afraid the creative

will lose the business, and creative types who feel that the other

two are essentially empty suits.

Whenever I had one of those meetings, I’d start by

stepping out from behind my desk and sitting next to my visitor,

both of us facing the same way. It helps.

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 “It’s Rude To Point”

Your mother probably told you not to point your finger at

other people because it is bad manners. I’m telling you not to

point at people because it is bad body language.

Pointing your finger is aggressive and is often seen as

hostile. It can be like a symbolic stab or a mimed shooting. The

pointing finger is associated with guilt and exposure. (“Is that man

in the courtroom? Point to him now.”)

Even when we have nothing to feel guilty about, the

pointing finger can make us uncomfortable, even angry. So,

common sense says, “It’s dumb to point.”

You will be called upon from time to time to indicate a

person from some distance away or make a strong point that you

want to emphasize with a dynamic gesture. How can you do that

and still display positive body signals?

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 Watch seasoned speakers, especially politicians. They use

several pointing substitutes that allow them to do all that. The

three most common are practical and elegant.

First is the lightly closed hand with the thumb slightly

extended and resting on the curled index finger. It’s almost as if

you’re holding an invisible pointer. Picture former President

Clinton speaking; he uses that gesture constantly for emphasis.

It’s so recognizable that in gesture researcher Adam Kendon’s

listing of all “quotable gestures” – hand motions that have

recognizable meaning throughout a culture – ninth on the list is

Clinton Thumb. It really might better be called Kennedy Thumb,

as Clinton no doubt borrowed it consciously or unconsciously

from his hero, J.F.K. – a master persuader.

The next gesture is similar except the index and second

finger uncurl a little more from the rest and the thumb tip touches

their tips, almost like the position for snapping your fingers, or as

if you’re holding up an invisible coin.

A third variation is essentially the gesture we all know as

signaling “OK” – the circle made by touching thumb and index

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finger, the other fingers opened out in widening arcs. When turned

with the palm mostly downward, it can be used for a pointing

gesture or an emphatic gesture (like sticking a pin in something).

Turned with the palm sideways, it becomes almost a musical

conductor’s gesture, and is useful for showing that you’re making

measured, reasonable points. Turned with the palm up or out, it

becomes emotional, a plea for understanding – even spiritual.

The turned-out gesture is used in many depictions of

Buddha. It is know as Vitarka Mudra, the mudra or gesture that

indicates intellectual discussion, debate or appeasement.

8th Century Chinese

Buddha, showing
Vitarka Mudra

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 Deep Inner-Mind Persuasion

So far in this book, we’ve explored two crucial

persuasion skills:

1. Reading what Your Partner is thinking

2. Projecting your most persuasive persona

There is a third, even more powerful way in which you can

use body language to change a person’s mind to your way of

thinking. Now we’ll learn about:

3. Changing Your Partner’s feelings

I hope by now you are starting to understand the

connection between what is thought in the mind and what is

shown physically, via the combination of gestures, postures,

movements, expressions and non-verbal sounds commonly

referred to as body language.

A little more complicated to understand, perhaps, but even

more important is the idea that by mimicking behaviors, we learn

87
to “own” them. Practice not only makes perfect, it makes

personality.

Now, we’ll combine those two insights – and everything

else you’ve learned in this guide – and focus them like a

persuasion-ray onto Your Partner. This is where your Supersuader

identity discovers its true power, so please follow closely.

You know that by imitating certain gestures, postures and

behaviors, you can actually change the way you feel. If you smile,

you’ll gradually start to feel happier; if you frown, you’ll start to

feel unhappy. So, it’s obvious that our body language not only

reflects what we are feeling and thinking, it can actually work in

reverse just as easily – it can transform how we feel and think.

And it can transform how Your Partner feels and thinks, deep

at an unconscious level.

Here’s where the real persuasion dance begins, with you

leading. But first, you must synchronize with Your Partner.

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 Mirroring

If you make a careful study of human interaction, you’ll

notice that as people become in sync with each other, they begin

to use the same gestures, they assume similar postures and

expressions – in close rapport, even breathing patterns may

be similar.

If you cause that process to happen, if you consciously and

subtly echo back to a Partner her own body language, she will

almost immediately begin to feel more rapport with you.

Mirroring is one way to do that. As if you were looking in

a mirror; you take a reversed version of Your Partner’s stance or

position, you reflect back her gestures on the opposite side. You

do it slowly, three to five seconds after she makes a move.

She leans to the right in her chair; after three to five

seconds, you lean to your left. She crosses her legs left over right;

after a few seconds, you cross your legs right over left.

Never do it quickly, never do it overtly, move slowly and

easily and several seconds after she does. Otherwise, you risk
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looking like you’re “aping” or mocking her. Mockery is an insult,

imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, remember?

It’s so simple, yet it’s packed with awesome power that

affects both you and Your Partner.

On his side, if you keep it subtle enough to bypass his

critical eye and sink directly into his unconscious, he will just start

feeling in tune with you.

And you should feel that, too. By imitating Your Partner’s

body language, you should be more easily able to “get into his

head,” as we used to say in the 70s. Actually, you are climbing

into his body, and starting to feel some of what he’s feeling.

Mirroring, naturally, works best in a face-to-face position.

Matching

Matching is simply mimicking Your Partner’s posture,

moves and expressions on the same side. If he scratches his left

ear, four seconds later you scratch your left ear. If he turns slightly

to the right when he’s talking to you, you pause and then turn

slightly to your right.

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 This can work in anything from a face-to-face to a side-by-

side orientation.

Pacing

Once you get your body in sync with Your Partner’s, take

it down to an even deeper level by replicating his pacing. Does he

act quickly? Talk slowly? Take on that pacing yourself.

One of the most effective ways to use this form of rapport

building is to match Your Partner’s breathing. Does she take deep

breaths or shallow ones, quick breaths or long, slow ones? Again,

don’t make it obvious, but slowly start to breath that way yourself.

Within seconds, the bond between you and Your Partner

will be stronger – almost primal. From this point on, your feel for

this person should grow richer and deeper, almost as if you’re

channeling his personality somehow. You are – you’re channeling

his physical being and physiology.

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 Leading

You may be saying to yourself, I thought I was supposed

to be the leader of this process, all this sounds like following.

Mirroring or matching and pacing are necessary to get you and

Your Partner super-synched, so to speak. Only then will you have

created the rapport required for you to begin to lead.

After you have successfully mirrored or matched Your

Partner for a while and your interaction has become warmer and

more natural (maybe even primal), you should shift some aspect of

your position. Put a hand on a hip, or shift your weight to the

other foot, or cock your head slightly to one side. If Your Partner

follows your lead now, you have rapport and are beginning to gain

influence.

If Your Partner doesn’t echo your move, just go back to

echoing her for a bit and try leading again in a few minutes.

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 NOTE: One of the most amazing things about the skills in this

guide is how incredibly easy and natural they are. They mostly stem from

behaviors we’ve already been practicing for years. Leading through body

language is not something most of us are experienced with, though, so it

may need a bit more practice.

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed the first time you try this.

Various Partners will have different degrees of sensitivity to this tactic –

some may be more resistant, others more susceptible.

This certainly isn’t the only key to persuasion, though it’s a

powerful one. Just gently keep trying – and remember not to show your

frustration through your face or body.

Relax; it always happens more easily when you aren’t trying.

(And remember not to look shocked or to giggle when it

does happen!)

Once you find that Your Partner is following your lead,

you can begin to reprogram his or her feelings.

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 Changing Your Partner’s Feelings

Throughout your interaction, watch for the signs of

resistance and negativity you’ve learned about in this guide. When

you see negative body language forming – crossed arms for

instance – mirror or match the behavior a few seconds later.

Probe verbally (gently) for the source of the resistance.

Explain your case (request, idea, etc.) again, stressing the best

“selling” points. As you do so, slowly lead Your Partner into a

more open and positive posture. Try to lead her into a relaxing

sigh or deep breath. Relax yourself, of course, and let a deep

positive feeling flow through you.

You will find that with enough gentle leading, you can

move many Partners to a more open posture, and a more open

mind. Because Your Partner’s inner mind – literal and quick to

judge as all our inner minds are – says to itself, “Hey, I’m relaxed.

I must feel good about what this nice person is saying.”

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 Persuaded?

Earlier in this guide, I made the statement that you can

become pretty much whatever you desire to be if you:

• Imagine it vividly enough

• Act As If consistently

• Allow it to become true

We’ve explored the first two bullets. The last is the final

advice I want to leave with you. And it’s as important as anything

you’ve learned in this book, so please consider this:

For a variety of reasons, some of us do not accept positive

change in ourselves. Perhaps deep down, some of us don’t truly

believe we deserve to succeed – some guilt or perceived flaw

holds us back. Perhaps we are overly sensitive to failing, so we

refrain from trying to better ourselves. Perhaps we’re just lazy or

tired and we don’t want to put forth the effort to change.

For whatever reason, some of us consistently deny

ourselves the ability to grow and improve.

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 Remember the First Law of Persuasion: You must be

persuaded first?

If you cannot do this because you’re held back by your

own inner mind, you will be forever hampered in your ability to

persuade others dynamically.

The good news is you probably don’t need years of

intensive psychoanalysis or other therapy to get rid of many of

these self-imposed limitations. Remember how literal your inner

mind can be? You just need to change your mind using classic

persuasion techniques.

Start by coming up with a simple, positive affirmation that

you can “teach” your inner mind. Here are a few examples:

“I give myself permission to succeed beyond my

wildest dreams.”

“I allow myself to be whatever I want to be, now and

forever.”

“I am a Supersuader, and nothing can stop me.”

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 Once you’ve found an affirmation that feels natural, try

adding the most persuasively positive of all words: “Yes!”

“I succeed because I have persuasion power. Yes!”

Adding “Yes!” brings an even deeper level of acceptance

to the statement. Practice saying your affirmation in the morning,

when you awaken and before the demands of the day press in on

you. Repeat it at the end of the day, as you drift off to sleep.

At the edge of sleep is what is called “twilight sleep” –

that half-asleep, half-awake state we all know. Those of you who

believe you cannot be hypnotized, and never have been, may be

surprised to know that “twilight sleep” is just another term for a

trance state. You are in a hypnotic trance at those times (and many

other times – ever “zoned out” while you were driving?).

So, those naturally hypnotic states offer a perfect

opportunity for persuading your already-open mind. But, you can

get use out of your affirmation at any time.

Soon, you may find that you can elicit a positive,

persuasive state just by repeating to yourself: “Yes!”

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 I know that if you allow yourself to use the skills I have

taught you in X-Ray Body Reading, you will be well on your way

to getting your way.

I know you can do it!

Yes!

Resources

Many books, articles, television programs and other forms of

information have shaped the knowledge in X-Ray Body Reading.

Here are some of the most useful in furthering your powers:

Body Language
Fast, Julius
New York: M. Evans, 2002

Winning Moves: The Body Language of Selling

Delmar, Ken
New York: Warner Books, 1984

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Body Language
Wainwright, Gordon R.
Chicago: Contemporary Pub., 2003

The Definitive Book of Body Language

Pease, Allan
New York: Bantam Books, 2006

Body Language
Quilliam, Susan
Buffalo, NY: Firefly Books, 2004

Power Persuasion
Barron, David R. and Kaus, Danek S.
Bandon, OR: Robert D. Reed Publishers, 2005

The Hypnotic Salesman

Eason, Adam
Eagan, MN: Network 3000 Publishing, 2007

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking

Gladwell, Malcolm
New York: Little, Brown, 2005

Never Be Lied To Again

Lieberman, David J., PhD.
New York: St. Martin’s Griffin, 1998

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