Big Question: How does your family affect you as a developing
individual?
Objectives:
At the end of this module, you will be able to:
1. appraise your family structure and the type of care you give and receive,
which may help in understanding yourself better ,
2. make a genogram and trace certain physical, personality, or behavioral
attributes through generations, and
3. prepare a plan on how to make your family members firmer and gentler
with each other.
Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.
Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.
Jane
Howard, "Families"
Activity: GENOGRAM
A genogram or family tree is a useful tool to gather information about a
person's family. This visual representation of a family can help us to identify patterns
or themes within families that may be influencing or driving a person's current
behavior.
Symbols for drawing the genogram or family tree:
Female symbol - name, age
Male symbol - name, age
Unknown gender
Married - add the year or ages
De facto relationship - commencement date or ages
Separation - date or ages
Divorce - date or ages
List children in birth order and put names and ages either within the symbol or underneath.
Death - a small cross in the corner of the symbol (record date if
known)
Dotted circle - this can be used to enclose the members living
together currently, for example, who the young person is living with.
Conflictual relationship
Very close
Distant relationship
Source: [Link]
Sample genogram 1:
Sample Genogram 2:
Portfolio Output No. 22: My Genogram
Make your own genogram using the symbols and samples given. Be sure to
write your name and the date on your paper. Enjoy!
Reading: FAMILY STRUCTURE
The traditional family structure is considered a family support system which
involves two married individuals providing care and stability for their biological
offspring. However, this two-parent, nuclear family has become less prevalent, and
alternative family forms have become more common. The family is created at birth
and establishes ties across generations. Those generations, the extended family of
aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins, can all hold significant emotional and
economic roles for the nuclear family.
Different kinds of family structures:
Nuclear family: A family unit consisting of at most a father, mother and dependent
Extended family: A family consisting of parents and children, along with either
grandparents, grandchildren, aunts or uncles, cousins etc. In some circumstances,
the extended family comes to live either with or in place of a member of the nuclear
family.
Step families: Two families brought together due to divorce, separation, and
remarriage.
Single parent family: This can be either a father or a mother who is singly
responsible for the raising of a child. The child can be by birth or adoption. They may
be a single parent by choice or by life circumstances. The other parent may have
been part of the family at one time or not at all.
Adoptive family: A family where one or more of the children has been adopted. Any
structure of family may also be an adoptive family.
Bi-racial or multi-racial family: A family where the parents are members of different
racial identity groups.
Trans-racial adoptive family: A family where the adopted child is of a different
racial identity group than the parents.
Blended family: A family that consists of members from two (or more) previous
families.
Conditionally separated families: A family member is separated from the rest of
the family. This may be due to employment far away; military service; incarceration;
hospitalization. They remain significant members of the family.
Foster family: A family where one or more of the children is legally a temporary
Gay or Lesbian family:
is gay or lesbian. This may be a two-parent family, an adoptive family, a
single parent family or an extended family.
Immigrant family: A family where the parents have immigrated to another country
as adults. Their children may or may not be immigrants. Some family members may
continue to live in the country of origin, but still be significant figures in the life of the
child.
Migrant family: A family that moves regularly to places where they have
employment. The most common form of migrant family is farm workers who move
with the crop seasons. Children may have a relatively stable community of people
who move at the same time - or the family may know no one in each new setting.
Military families may also lead a migrant life, with frequent relocation, often on short
notice.
Sources: [Link]
[Link]
12/family-91/family-structures-521-10352/
Activity: POEM WRITING
Make two five-line poems about your family. Follow this pattern:
First line is _____ family
Second line is two adjectives (joined by and) which describe the noun
Third line is a verb and an adverb to describe the noun in action
Fourth line begins with like and presents a comparison
Fifth line starts with if only and expresses a wish.
Example:
(___ family) Mine family
(adjective + adjective) Unique and chaotic
(verb + adverb) Changing constantly
(like) Like flaming hot Thai dishes, which are quite exotic
(if only) If only we could relive our family life, of jolly years gone
by
Reading: INSPIRING STORIES OF FAMILIES
A doctor entered the hospital in a hurry after being called in for an urgent
surgery. He answered the call ASAP, changed his clothes & went directly to the
surgery block.
He
The doctor smiled and and I came as
down? If your own son d
The doctor smiled again and
e father.
wait some minutes so that I can ask
the doctor left.
a road accident, he was at the burial when we
Source: [Link]
The Wooden Bowl
A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year old
faltered. The family ate together at the table.
hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor.
When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth.
The son and daughter-in-
eating, and food on the floor So the husband and wife set a small table in the
corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner.
Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl!
When the family glanced in Grandfather
eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp
admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.
The four-year-old watched it all in silence.
One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood
Just as
-year-old smiled and went back to work.
The words so struck the parents so that they were speechless. Then tears
started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what
must be done.
m back
to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family.
And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a
fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.
Source: [Link]
Give time to our family
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to
n loves you and
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has
been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had
made it possible to visit her only occasionally. That night I called to invite her to go
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a
leasant to spend
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.
When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our
date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was
wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She
smiled from a face that was as rad
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy.
My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady. After we sat down, I had to
read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I
lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her
dinner, we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on
rece
Very nice.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so
Sometime later, I
received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother
could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates one for you and the other for
your wife. You will never kno
and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more
important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things
Source: [Link]
Activity: EMOTIONAL, SOCIAL AND SPIRITUAL LEGACY
Emotional Legacy Evaluation
Answer each question by writing in your journal the number that best reflects
the legacy you have received from your parents. Then add up your score.
1. When you walked into your house, what was your feeling?
1 Dread 4 Stability
2 Tension 5 Calm
3 Chaos 6 Warmth
2. Which word best describes the tone of your home?
1 Hateful 4 Serious
2 Angry 5 Relaxed
3 Sad 6 Fun
3. What was the message of your family life?
1 You are worthless. 4 You are respected.
2 You are a burden. 5 You are important.
3 You are okay. 6 You are the greatest.
4. Which word best describes the "fragrance" of your home life?
1 Repulsive 4 Sterile
2 Rotten 5 Fresh
3 Unpleasant 6 Sweet
5. Which was most frequent in your home?
1 An intense fight 4 A strong disagreement
2 The silent treatment 5 A kind word
3 Detached apathy 6 An affectionate hug
Results:
Above 24 = Strong emotional legacy
19 - 24 = Healthy legacy
14 - 18 = Mixed legacy - good and bad elements
10 - 13 = Weak emotional legacy
Below 10 = Damaged emotional legacy
Social Legacy Evaluation
Answer each question by writing in your journal the number that best reflects
the legacy you have received from your parents. Then add up your score.
1. Which words most closely resemble the social tone of your family?
1 Cruel and abusive 4 Non-communicative but stable
2 Cutting sarcasm 5 Secure with open communication
3 Chaotic and distant 6 Loving and fun
2. What was the message of your home life with regard to relationships?
1 "Step on others to get your way."
2 "Hurt them if they hurt you."
3 "Demand your rights."
3. How were rules set and enforced in your home?
1 Independent of relationship 4 Inconsistently
2 In reaction to parental stress 5 Out of concern for my well-being
3 Dictatorially 6 In the context of a loving relationship
4. Which word best characterizes the tone of communication in your home?
1 Shouting 4 Clear
2 Manipulation 5 Constructive
3 Confusing 6 Courteous
5. How did your family deal with wrong behavior?
1 Subtle reinforcement 4 Severe punishment
2 Accepted in the name of love 5 Discussion
3 Guilt trip 6 Loving, firm discipline
Results:
Above 24 = Strong social legacy
19 - 24 = Healthy legacy
14 - 18 = Mixed legacy good and bad elements
10 - 13 = Weak social legacy
Below 10 = Damaged social legacy
Spiritual Legacy Evaluation
Answer each question by writing in your journal the number that best reflects
the legacy you have received from your parents. Then add up your score.
1. To what degree were spiritual principles incorporated into daily family life?
1 Never 4 Frequently
2 Rarely 5 Almost always
3 Sometimes 6 Consistently
2. Which word captures the tone of how you learned to view/relate to God?
1 Absent 4 Casual
2 Adversarial 5 Solemn
3 Fearful 6 Intimate
3. How would you summarize your family's level of participation in spiritual
activities?
1 Nonexistent 4 Regimental
2 Rare 5 Active
3 Occasional 6 Enthusiastic
4. How were spiritual discussions applied in your home?
1 They weren't 4 To teach
2 To control 5 To influence
3 To manipulate 6 To reinforce
5. What was the perspective in your home regarding moral absolutes?
1 If it feels good, do it! 4 Dogmatic legalism
2 There are no absolutes. 5 Moderate conservatism
3 Let your heart guide you. 6 Clear boundaries
Results:
Above 24 = Strong spiritual legacy
19 - 24 = Healthy legacy
14 - 18 = Mixed legacy good and bad elements
10 - 13 = Weak spiritual legacy
Below 10 = Damaged spiritual legacy
Source: [Link]
legacies/the-legacy-you-want-to-give
Reading: FAMILY LEGACIES
No matter who we are, where we live, or what our goals may be, we all have
one thing in common: a heritage. That is, a social, emotional and spiritual legacy
passed on from parent to child. Every one of us is passed a heritage, lives out a
heritage, and gives a heritage to our family. It's not an option. Parents always pass to
A spiritual, emotional and social legacy is like a three-stranded cord.
Individually, each strand cannot hold much weight. But wrapped together, they are
strong. That's why passing on a positive, affirming legacy is so important and why a
negative legacy can be so destructive. The good news is that you can decide to pass
a positive legacy on to your children whether you received one or not.
Today, if we don't intentionally pass a legacy consistent with our beliefs to our
children, our culture will pass along its own, often leading to a negative end. It is
important to remember that passing on a spiritual, emotional and social legacy is a
process, not an event. As parents, we are responsible for the process. God is
responsible for the product.
The Emotional Legacy
In order to prosper, our children need an enduring sense of security and
stability nurtured in an environment of safety and love.
The Social Legacy
To really succeed in life, our children need to learn more than management
techniques, accounting, reading, writing and geometry. They need to learn the fine
art of relating to people. If they learn how to relate well to others, they'll have an edge
in the game of life.
The Spiritual Legacy
The Spiritual Legacy is overlooked by many, but that's a mistake. As spiritual
beings, we adopt attitudes and beliefs about spiritual matters from one source or
another. As parents, we need to take the initiative and present our faith to our
children.
The Emotional Legacy
Sadly, many of us struggle to overcome a negative emotional legacy that
hinders our ability to cope with the inevitable struggles of life. But imagine yourself
giving warm family memories to your child. You can create an atmosphere that
provides a child's fragile spirit with the nourishment and support needed for healthy
emotional growth. It will require time and consistency to develop a sense of
emotional wholeness, but the rewards are great.
A strong emotional legacy:
Provides a safe environment in which deep emotional roots can grow.
Fosters confidence through stability.
Conveys a tone of trusting support.
Nurtures a strong sense of positive identity.
the soul.
Demonstrates unconditional love.
Which characteristics would you like to build into the legacy you pass along to
your children? Even if you don't hit the exact mark, setting up the right target is an
important first step.
The Social Legacy
In order to prosper, our children need to gain the insights and social skills
necessary to cultivate healthy, stable relationships. As children mature, they must
learn to relate to family members, teachers, peers and friends. Eventually they must
learn to relate to coworkers and many other types of people such as salespeople,
bankers, mechanics and bosses.
Nowhere can appropriate social interaction and relationships be
demonstrated more effectively than in the home. At home you learned and your
children will learn lessons about respect, courtesy, love and involvement. Our
modeling as parents plays a key role in passing on a strong social legacy.
Key building blocks of children's social legacy include:
Respect, beginning with themselves and working out to other people.
Responsibility, fostered by respect for themselves, that is cultivated by
assigning children duties within the family, making them accountable for their
actions, and giving them room to make wrong choices once in a while.
Unconditional love and acceptance by their parents, combined with
conditional acceptance when the parents discipline for bad behavior or
actions.
The setting of social boundaries concerning how to relate to God, authority,
peers, the environment and siblings.
Rules that are given within a loving relationship
The Spiritual Legacy
Parents who successfully pass along a spiritual legacy to their children model
and reinforce the unseen realities of the godly life. We must recognize that passing a
spiritual legacy means more than encouraging our children to attend church, as
important as that is. The church is there to support parents in raising their children
but it cannot do the raising; only parents can.
The same principle applies to spiritual matters. Parents are primary in
spiritual upbringing, not secondary. This is especially true when considering that
children, particularly young children, perceive God the way they perceive their
parents. If their parents are loving, affirming, forgiving and yet strong in what they
believe, children will think of God that way. He is someone who cares, who is
principled and who loves them above all else.
The Legacy You Want to Give
We all have good and bad parts to the legacy we have inherited. The key is
to move forward from here. For some, taking a closer look at the legacy they've been
given helps them assess the legacy they want to pass on. After considering your
past, here are some practical tips for the future:
Decide what you'll keep:
You probably have things you received that are wonderful and need to be
kept and passed on. Other things may need to be thrown out. Or, perhaps you have
a weak legacy that needs strengthening.
Whatever you received, you can now intentionally pass along the good. This
isn't always easy. If you saw hypocrisy in your parents' lives, you may be tempted to
throw everything out even though much of what your parents modeled was good.
Don't. That would be like burning down the house to get rid of some bugs.
Realize that there is a being who can redeem even the "bad stuff" in
your legacy. Unfortunately many of us have parts of our legacy that are weak or
even awful. Maybe one of your parents was an alcoholic or abusive or didn't provide
the nurturing you needed. In today's society, the stories of such families are
common. You may be asking, "How do I give something I didn't receive? Nobody
modeled this stuff for me."
Hope is not lost. Consider the story of Josiah from the Old Testament in the
Bible. His father and grandfather were involved in many wicked things, including idol
worship that threatened the entire nation. But after 8-year-old Josiah became king of
Judah, he reversed that trend. He sought God and purged Judah of idols, repaired
the temple and saved a nation.
Like Josiah, you can choose which things in your legacy are no good and
throw them away. It's important to break the cycle of hurt by leaving bad things
behind and creating a new legacy. Legacies are not easily broken and always benefit
from His guidance.
Chart a new course as you begin a positive legacy for yourself and those you
love. Research suggests that most fathers will parent the way they were parented.
That means only a minority of fathers will change their parenting style even if their
parenting is wrong! Today, you can take positive steps to design a new heritage for
yourself and your family.
Source: [Link]
legacies/family-legacies-passing-on-a-legacy
Portfolio Output No. 23: Reactions to the Emotional, Social and
Spiritual Legacy Evaluation
1. What were your scores in the emotional, social and spiritual legacy
evaluation?
2. How do these scores reflect you home atmosphere?
3. What is the legacy you have received from your parents and siblings?
4. How do you plan to give a legacy when you start your own family in the
future?
Activity: HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?
How do you feel about your relationships? Where do you see your relationships
going? Are you happy with your relationships? Copy this questionnaire in your
Journal. Put a
I. Overall feelings about the relationship:
In which relationship do you have more checks? More Xs? What can you do to
improve your relationships?
Source: Carter-Scott, Cherie. (1999). If Love is a Game, These are the Rules. Broadway
Books, a division of Random House, Inc. pp. 151-152.
A TRIBUTE TO FAMILIES
I don't know when it started,
Or how it all began.
But God created families,
As only our Lord can.
He was teaching what it means,
To love, honor, and obey.
He wanted a strong bond,
That we don't see too much today.
He wanted someone to hold us,
And show respect for others.
He wanted someone who'd be gentle,
And so he created mothers.
He wanted someone strong,
A support filled with love.
And so he created fathers,
Sent from heaven up above.
Brothers and sisters came next,
With that, an instant friend.
Someone to look up to,
Someone on who to depend.
When he put them all together,
He was amazed at what he'd done.
He had created a family,
Mother, father, daughter, son.
But look at the family,
Created by only two.
How many we've become,
And all because of you.
We have a lot to be thankful for,
The memories through the years.
The many times together,
Full of laughter, full of tears.
I don't know where we'd be today,
If it weren't for the two of you.
To show us strength, support, and love,
Like only the two of you can do.
Source: [Link]
Portfolio Output No. 24: Insights on Relationships and Tribute to My
Family
1. What have you learned in this unit about your personal relationships with family,
friends, partner, and organizations?
2. How do you assess the present state of your relationships?
3. What do you pal to do in order to improve and strengthen your relationships?
End of Unit 3 Assessment
Unit 3: Building and Maintaining Relationships
List of Outputs for Portfolio:
Module 9
17. Reflections on Personal Relationships (Individual work)
19. Poster on Basic Rights in Relationships (Individual work)
Module 10
20. Description of My Social Group (individual work)
21. Reflections on Leadership and Membership (Individual work)
Module 11
22. My Genogram (Individual work)
23. Reactions to the Emotional, Social and Spiritual Legacy
Evaluation (Individual work)
24. Insights on Relationships and Tribute to My Family (Individual
work)