NO.

003 — DEC 2017

SIMPLIFY MAGAZINE
· A QUARTE R LY, DI GITAL PU BLICATI ON FOR FA MI LI ES ·

Page 1 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Issue 003 — Stress & Overwhelm

1. AN INTRODUCTION: THE STRESS & OVERWHELM ISSUE
by The Founders of Simplify Magazine

2. LEARNING TO TAKE A B: HOW A SIMPLE PIECE OF ADVICE

TRANSFORMED MY LIFE
by Dr. Allison Niebes-Davis

3. HOW TO TRADE STRESS FOR JOY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

by Rebecca Cooper

4. CAPTURING THE LOST PRACTICE OF REST

by Joshua Becker

5. SEVEN STRESS-FIGHTING SECRETS FROM TOP-NOTCH THERAPISTS

by Andreea Ciulac

6. MY PERSONAL STORY OF OVERCOMING STRESS AND ANXIETY

by Marla Sarris

7. MINDFULNESS AS AN ANTIDOTE TO STRESS

by Leo Babauta

8. THE WORRY TRICK

by Dr. David Carbonell

9. BECAUSE LETTING GO DOESN’T ALWAYS MEAN GIVING UP

by Brian Gardner

Page 2 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

An Introduction:
The Stress & Overwhelm Issue
by THE FOUNDERS OF SIMP LI F Y MAG AZINE

Page 3 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Are you one of those brazen people who irks others by using the verb
overwhelm as a noun, to label the state of feeling emotionally overloaded?

Example: “Because school and work are so stressful right now, I am

experiencing overwhelm.”

If so, did you know there is a controversy among grammar fanatics on

whether the word overwhelm can even be used as a noun?

We’ve been hearing recently that a lot people have some pretty strong
opinions about this topic. (Really. Regular people care about this, not just
word nerds.) People on one side will point out that almost every dictionary
in circulation today only labels overwhelm as a verb.

However, those on the other side will argue that commonplace usage of the
word has popularized it as a noun. They remind us that entries in the
Oxford Dictionary trace the use of overwhelm as a noun as far back as the
sixteenth century! But for most people taking a stake in the conversation,
the fact that overwhelm is being used more and more as a noun is something
worth taking a stand against.

But in our minds, this conversation begs far more important questions that
we want to consider in this issue. Namely: Are stress and overwhelm
unavoidable circumstances existing outside of our control, that simply happen to
us? Or are the feelings of overwhelm and stress within our control to change?

Page 4 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

In this issue, we want to give you resources to help you tackle that question
because we’re convinced that the way you answer these questions is going
to impact the degree to which you are satisfied with the life you are living.

We recognize there are seasons in our lives when we face particular trials
and they are bound to be stressful. But the good news we’re discovering is
that we do have a measure of control over some of the stress and
overwhelm in our lives. And that’s why we’re excited about this issue of
Simplify Magazine.

In this issue, you will find conversations on the topics of stress, worry,
perfectionism, depression, rest and approaching the holiday season with
intentionality. You will find insightful research, unique solutions, personal
stories and practical ideas to embrace a less-stressed lifestyle.

We’ve gathered an important team of experts to take us on a deep-dive into

the dialogue surrounding stress and overwhelm. The articles are varied and
in-depth.

We think this is an important conversation for modern families. And we

believe strongly you will agree. May this issue focused on stress and
overwhelm equip each of us to live lives focused on things that matter.

With you on this journey,

Joshua Becker & Brian Gardner

Page 5 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Learning to Take a B: How a Simple

Piece of Advice Transformed My Life
by DR. ALL ISON NIE BES-DAVIS

Page 6 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

“Allison, you’ve done great this year but you need to relax a little.”

It was a hot and humid August and I was wrapping up my predoctoral

internship. Similar to a residency for medical students, this internship was
the last step in completing my doctorate in psychology.

My degree had been an exhausting process, and my internship year was

particularly difficult. I had matched at my top choice, but that meant
living a two-hour drive apart from my husband Monday through Friday
and commuting home on the weekends. I spent most of that year sleep
deprived and stressed—ironic given my field of study.

And now, during my last week of internship, I sat down with my

supervisor for my end-of-the-year feedback. We sat in his small office. He
didn’t waste much time getting started. “You’re doing really well, Allison.”
He was kind enough to highlight a few of my strengths and
accomplishments before continuing, “You just need to relax.”

I laughed nervously. I’d heard this feedback before. Many times. It was the
feedback I got at the age of 16, working my first job as a restaurant hostess.
It was the feedback I received from my undergraduate advisor. They all
echoed the same thing. You’re doing great. Chill out.

My supervisor was persistent, unswayed by my skepticism. “You can’t get

an A in everything.”

Page 7 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

I stared at him blankly. Clearly, he hadn’t seen my undergraduate GPA.

He continued, “You’ve got to learn to take a C.”

I squirmed, no longer able to sit quietly. “Whoa, whoa,” I said. “A C? I don’t

get C’s.” There was slight panic in my voice.

My supervisor laughed and waved me off, begging me to go along with the

metaphor. We settled on taking B’s then explored how I could learn to
relax every now and then.

I nodded and played along for the remainder of the hour, seeming to come
around to the concept of taking a B. But I’m sure my supervisor saw right
through me. As a lifetime perfectionist, I had no intention of easing up. I
left his office, plotting with renewed determination to get straight A’s in
life.

A Wake Up Call

Fast forward a few years. I’m practicing as a licensed clinical psychologist,

absolutely loving my job. But I was also incredibly overworked and
overwhelmed. I was doing too much with too little time. I pushed myself
beyond my limits, trying to do it all.

Then, late one night driving home from work, with my shoulders tense and
my eyes heavy, I thought back to my supervisor. His words echoed in my

Page 8 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

ear. You’ve got to learn to take a B, Allison. I wasn’t sure what to make of the
memory, but I didn’t shrug it off like normal. I kept it in the back of my
brain, wondering if he had a point.

For the next several weeks, I noticed something with my coworkers. So

many of them were trying to do it all. Trying to get all A’s, all of the time. I
saw the same thing with my clients. They were stressed and overwhelmed.
Trying to be the perfect partner, employee, Pinterest whiz and PTA
volunteer while squeezing in workouts, meetings, coffee runs and phone
calls. And when they couldn’t meet their rigid expectations, they felt
discouraged and ashamed.

Again, I thought back to my supervisor’s original metaphor of the college

student. Even if a student gets straight A’s throughout college, do they
really get A’s in all other areas of their life? Are their relationships all A’s?
What about their sleep and self-care? Did they get a perfect grade in new
experiences, student life, or health and wellness? Are all A’s, all of the time,
really possible? Of course not. No student, person or human can do it all,
all of the time.

We have to proactively choose what we’re going to take a B in. We have to

be intentional. Because when we aren’t, the consequences can be
catastrophic.

Page 9 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

The Impact of Stress

The American Psychological Association’s Stress in America Snapshot,

published in August of this year, found a statistically significant increase in
stress among Americans for the first time in nearly a decade. We’re stressed
about money, health, relationships and politics. We’re taking on more roles
and responsibilities. We’re saying yes to more. And we’re inundated with
messages on social media of how well we should be doing it all.

When we don’t choose where we’re going to take a B, our bodies and brains
will usually choose for us. Exhausted, drained and out of resources, they
will force us to take a lower grade. And at that point, we’ll be looking at an
F: the consequence of trying to do it all.

We don’t always have control over what life throws our way, but we
absolutely have a choice in how we respond. By choosing to take a B, you
are saying yes to your health and sanity, thoughtfully using your resources
and safeguarding against stress.

Learning to Take a B in Your Life

If you find yourself frequently trying to do it all, choosing to take a B is

essential for your well-being. It will save you from unneeded stress and
strain. It takes some practice, but these easy steps will help you sort
through your priorities and commitments, and enable you choose balance.

Page 10 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Take a breath. When you find yourself stressed and overwhelmed, first
stop and take a mindful breath. Get your bearings. Ground yourself. You
can’t make a thoughtful decision when your mind is racing. Take a slow,
deep breath — in through your nose, briefly pause and hold your breath for
a few seconds, and then slowly exhale through your mouth.

List your subjects. Identify all the various things you’re trying to do. In a
simple list, name all the demands currently competing for your attention.
It might go something like this: I’ve got to pack lunches for tomorrow. The
laundry needs attention. I have to call my mom. The report for work is due. I need
to workout. I have to email my kid’s teacher. I should order family holiday cards. I
need to tuck the kids in. And I must to go to bed early, I can feel myself getting
sick.

Consider your options. Decide what things you want to get an A in. Begin
to weigh your options and sort through your priorities by asking the
following questions: What’s most important? What’s most pressing? What do I
care about? Now think about the flipside by asking: What’s less important to you?
What can wait? Is there an easier or simpler way to accomplish a task?

Sift through and decide. Choose where you want your A’s and where you’re
willing to take a B. Here’s an example: That report is vital, I’ve got to
submit that tonight. So is the email to my kid’s teacher. And I need to be
in bed early; I can’t afford to be sick this week. I’m taking an A in those.
The holiday cards can wait. Maybe we’ll be trendsetters and do New Year’s

Page 11 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

cards instead. The kids can manage with PB&J tomorrow, and we can make
it a few more days without doing laundry. I’ll take a B in those things.

Commit to the B’s. You’ve made your decision, well done! Often, it takes
only a few moments before your brain starts to push back. Your mind will
try to convince you that it’s all important, that you should really try for all
A’s. Stay firm. Remember that if you don’t choose what you’re going to get
a B in, your body and brain will choose for you. And it won’t be pretty.

And with this step complete, you’re choosing sanity over stress. You’re
choosing health and happiness over burnout and exhaustion.

Making Peace with B’s

After years of putting this motto into practice, I can tell you this. I don’t
like taking B’s. I still prefer to get all A’s. But I know that’s not humanly
possible. I know trying to do that will lead to stress and burnout, leaving
me drained and depleted. So I choose each and every day to take a B in
certain things. My stress has gone down. I feel less overwhelmed. I sleep
better. I’m happier. I feel more in control of my life.

Taking a B is a conscious decision. When you’re rushing in the morning,

pressed for time, stop and ask yourself, “What am I going to take a B in?”
And with the holidays in full swing and a packed calendar, this choice isn’t
always be easy. But it’s important.

Page 12 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

It turns out, my supervisor was onto something. Taking a B has the power
to transform our lives, one choice at a time. With this thoughtful practice,
you give energy to what matters most in your life.

...

Dr. Allison Niebes-Davis is a licensed clinical psychologist, practicing in

the Chicago area. Her website, Dr. Allison Answers, helps people live
healthier and more meaningful lives, by incorporating mindfulness,
courage, gratitude, and authenticity. Connect with her on
her website, YouTube, and Facebook.

Page 13 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

How to Trade Stress for Joy

This Holiday Season
by REB ECCA CO OP ER

Page 14 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Seven years ago, our family’s perspective shifted forever. We sold most of
our belongings and packed what remained into ten suitcases, moving our
family of six to a tiny island in the Caribbean ocean.

It was during our first Christmas on the island that we learned a life-
changing lesson: You don’t do more to invite the spirit of the season into
your life—you do less.

A borrowed tree, paper snowflakes, and hand-drawn artwork from the kids
decorated our home. Christmas morning was quiet and unhurried, and we
spent the rest of the day playing at the beach as a family, reminiscing about
favorite holiday memories and making “snow angels” in the sand.

The experience was a night and day difference from our last few holiday
seasons in the States where I spent all my energy trying to create the most
perfect, magical, Pinterest-worthy Christmases. By the time I made it to
January, I realized I’d felt little but stress and overwhelm all through
December.

But on the island I realized how incredibly freeing it is to do less—to have

fewer people who expected things of me, to commit myself fully to my
family, to have the mental space to actually enjoy the holidays.

Thankfully, it doesn’t take selling most of your things and moving to a

remote island to experience this change. You can design a holiday season
filled with warmth, memories, and joy right where you are.

Page 15 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

It just takes intention.

These four simple but powerful steps will help you trade stress for joy this
holiday season. Why wait another minute to make this shift?

1. Envision the holiday season you really want.

A big part of creating what you want is simply recognizing it. For me, it
helps to remember my own childhood Christmases, before I let the
responsibilities of Christmas as an adult take over.

When you’re a child, you’re not distracted by the pressures of shopping and
entertaining. The little things mean the most—the cookies you left out for
Santa, the small-scale homemade gift exchange you did with your cousins,
the sound of your grandpa’s voice as he read to you under the glow of the
tree.

Close your eyes and bring to mind your most vivid childhood holiday
memories. What are the tangible things you can recall? Particular smells?
Special traditions? Who were you with?

More often than not, our most valued memories have nothing to do with
the “stuff,” excess or busyness of the holidays. They have everything to do
with connecting with the people we love.

Page 16 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Now, keeping these memories in mind, what words embody the feelings
you’d like to create for yourself and your family this holiday season?

Connection, tradition, light.

Family, warmth, faith.

Charity, hospitality, festivity.

What stands out to you? Create a list, selecting one to three words that you
want to keep at the front of your mind. Let these words—this vision—
guide your decisions and actions this year.

2. Use this “one-word” formula to a simple, joy-filled Christmas.

It’s the simplest thing you’ll do all season. All it takes is one word out of
your mouth, and you’ll find yourself with more time and capacity for the
JOY you’re looking for.

Unfortunately, “easy” and “simple” don’t always go hand in hand, because

this formula—although effective—isn’t always easy to act on.

For a Christmas season with less stress and overwhelm: Say no.

Say no to activities that take space on your calendar but hold little space in
your heart. Say a gentle no to commitments that take you away from the
people you want to be with or the frame of mind you want to be in.

Page 17 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

3. Prioritize and simplify your traditions.

All my life I’ve associated the holidays with crafting. I remember making
handmade ornaments each year with my mom as a little girl. These are
memories I deeply want to make with my own kids.

While we lived on the island, we had very few materials available to us for
our traditional holiday projects. But we still crafted. We made paper
snowflakes and Christmas trees out of toilet paper rolls. Somehow those
memories are even more precious to me than the memories from the years
when we created much more elaborate holiday crafts.

We may not have done some of the traditions we were used to—and we
simplified others—but our Christmas wasn't lacking in any way.

“Sometimes the most ordinary things can be made extraordinary, simply by doing
them with the right people.” — Nicholas Sparks

This year, let’s not over-complicate our traditions. Let’s keep the traditions
that are significant to us and let go (guilt-free) of the ones that aren’t filling
us up. And let’s take the traditions we love and keep them simple. There’s
no need to over-complicate.

I suggest making a list of everything you usually commit to between now

and the New Year—traditions, parties, concerts, etc. Re-read your list

Page 18 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

several times, circling the essential traditions and activities that are most
in keeping with the vision you created in step one, and eliminate the rest.

4. Take the pressure off and be all there.

The last and maybe most important step is to simply be all there.

Once you’re there in the moment, making cookies with your children or
singing carols around the piano, set everything else aside. Set aside your
thoughts about who should sit by whom at the dinner table. Set aside your
thoughts about who called you asking for a last-minute donation. The
mental to-do list that is always cataloging itself in your head? Shut it off.

Not being fully present is a mistake I’ve made all too often. And I think it
comes especially easy for mothers, who are often the keepers of
information and the grand masters of celebrations.

Don’t miss the memories you really want to make because you’re mentally
planning for the next ones. The details will often surprise you by taking
care of themselves. Set them down for a moment, and be all there.

We’ve spent a few years back in the States since our island adventure.

Page 19 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

At first, doing the holidays “the island way” felt like a no-brainer. I couldn’t
imagine doing it any other way.

But the longer we’ve been back, the easier it is to fall into familiar traps —
from holiday commercialism and keeping up with the Jones’s to the
busyness, exhaustion and overwhelm that are all too connected to modern
holidays.

So every year, as we prepare for the upcoming holiday season, I look back
through photos of our island life. I cut out a paper snowflake, and I
commit myself to another simple, beautiful, meaningful Christmas.

No matter what else you do between now and January, I urge you to do
this one thing: Commit now to doing the holidays differently this year.
You’ll be so grateful you did.

...

Rebecca Cooper is the founder of Simple as That, where she inspires

others to elevate the everyday through simple lifestyle solutions. She is a
mom of four and professional photographer from Alberta, Canada.

Page 20 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Capturing the Lost Practice

of Rest
by JOSHUA BECKER

Page 21 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

For as long as I can remember, my mom and dad have taken a nap on
Sunday afternoons.

They have both been hard workers their entire lives—probably learning
some of that trait from my 97-year old grandfather who still works 50-hour
weeks. My dad is a banker who leaves for the office early in the morning
and volunteers most evenings and weekends at our church or in the
community. My mom has held a variety of different jobs over the years,
ranging from managing a McDonald’s to working as a substitute teacher.

But regardless of how much they enjoyed staying busy during the week,
every Sunday afternoon of my childhood, they’d close the door to their
bedroom and take a nap—leaving my sister, my brother and myself to fend
for ourselves. And every Sunday night, we ate cereal for dinner. Often
Grape Nuts. Sometimes Cheerios.

Because of their example, I learned and appreciated a healthy rhythm to

life that included an intentional day of rest. Even though they never forced
us as kids to stop riding our bikes or playing video games in order to nap
on Sundays, what I learned from their example was to work hard and to
make room for rest.

How Rest Has Been Misunderstood

In the words of comedian Rodney Dangerfield, rest “don’t get no respect”

in our modern society.

Page 22 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

For starters, rest has too often been confused with laziness. We admire
people who clock more than sixty hours of work each week and give the
side-eye to those who kick off at forty.

Another force impacting our appreciation of and ability to rest is our love
of money. While it’s easy to think that it’s really “other people” who love
money—those like Donald Duck’s greedy uncle who luxuriates in a vault on
a mountain of gold coins—our actions expose our hearts. A lot of us are
more than willing to compromise our character, morals, and family to gain
more money. And if rest escapes us along the way, it’s an easy sacrifice
we’re more than willing to make.

The way we measure success also impacts our commitment to rest. When
success is measured by the amount of cash we have in savings, the size of
our homes and the model of our cars, scrambling to achieve what we’ve
called success does not leave a lot of room for rest.

And let’s not forget that all of this is occurring in a culture that’s always
“on.” When I was growing up, most stores were closed on Sundays. But
today, the combination of an internet-driven culture and business owners
who want to maximize profits mean that very few establishments are
closed to offer rest to employees. And while most Americans accept this as
“normal,” not all cultures do! In many Mediterranean, Southern European
and Hispanic American countries, a short nap called a “siesta” is common
after the midday meal. And I don’t mean only on Sundays. Where siestas

Page 23 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

are popular, businesses, museums and churches close up shop during the
heat of the day to make room for rest.

In a society like ours where rest is countercultural, I want to make a case

that you and I will live more fruitful, less-stressed lives if we make room
for an intentional rest each week.

Voices for Rest and Objections to It

Across the wisdom of cultures and centuries, I am hardly a lone voice

crying in the wilderness. Any physician will confirm that, because a sleep-
deprived body is unable to rebuild and recharge itself, rest is essential for
physical health. Athletes will confirm it! They know that muscles need rest
to repair themselves and to protect from injury. Most religions also value
setting aside a period of time for rest. Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity,
Islam, and Baha’i, among others, make provision for it. Even smart
corporate leaders, driven to get the most out of their employees, know that
rest is necessary for productivity. The message is clear: rest is essential for a
balanced healthy life.

And yet, if you ask someone in our hectic culture if they intentionally set
aside time for rest, most will say they’re too busy! And the ones who might
admit to the occasional weekend nap too often feel “guilty” about it. We’ve
been trained to believe that there are too many things to get done, bills to
pay, achievements to accomplish, goods to buy and activities that our kids

Page 24 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

need to be involved in. Most of us in today’s results-oriented culture aren’t

willing to “waste” time on rest.

The Good Life

If we are to live differently, we need to agree that “the good life” isn’t what
most of us have been sold. As we release the lie that more is always better,
we’re freed up to discover what’s available to those who are willing to carve
out room for rest. Here’s a glimpse at what’s possible:

Healthier bodies. We each get one life and one body to live it in. It’s why
some of us watch what we eat, take time for exercise and try to curb our
bad habits. But then we allow our schedules to fill up from morning to
evening. Rest is as essential to our physical health as the water we drink
and the air we breathe.

Less stress. Stress is the perception that the situations we are facing are
greater than the resources we have to deal with them—resources such as
time, energy, ability, and help from others. Concentrated rest reduces
stress in two ways. First, it reduces the demands of the situation. We have
no demands on us as long as we have the ability to mentally let go of
unfinished tasks. Secondly, rest reduces stress by increasing our resources,
particularly our physical energy.

Deeper relationships. Making room for rest each week allows relationships
with people to deepen and strengthen. Maybe we’ll go on an ice cream date

Page 25 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

with a child. Perhaps we’ll take a long walk with a friend or partner. Or
maybe we’ll invite friends over for no reason at all. (Like when we were
younger!) When we aren’t rushing off to work or soccer practice, we are
able to enjoy each other’s company and a healthy conversation. And long
talks prove to be far more effective in building community than short ones
on the ride to the mall.

Opportunity for reflection. Sometimes it is hard to see the forest through

the trees. But it is even more difficult to see the forest when we are running
through the trees as fast as we can. Concentrated rest allows us to take a
step back, to evaluate our lives, to identify our values and determine if our
life is being lived accordingly. Consider setting aside time for reflection—
phone turned off!—where you can think, reflect with someone who cares
about you or even journal your thoughts.

Balance. Taking one day of your week—yeah, I said it: a whole day!—and
dedicating it to rest will force you to have an identity outside of your
occupation. It will nurture relationships outside of your fellow employees.
It will foster activities and hobbies outside work. Rather than defining
your life by what you do, you can begin to define it by who you are.

Increased production. Just like resting physical muscles allows them

opportunity to rejuvenate, which leads to greater physical success,
providing our minds with rest gives it opportunity to refocus and
rejuvenate. More work is not better work. Smarter work is better work.

Page 26 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Reserve for life’s emergencies. Crisis hits everyone. Nobody who is alive is
immune to the trials of life. By starting the discipline today of
concentrated rest, you will build up reserves for when the unexpected
emergencies of life strike and rest is no longer an option.

Practicing Rest

If you’re in the rhythm of running from dawn til dusk, or more accurately
from the moment you wake until the moment you crash into bed at night,
rest won’t happen until you make it happen. Consider these steps to
reclaim the lost practice of weekly rest in your life.

Take responsibility for your life.

You are not a victim of your time demands. You are the creator and
acceptor of them. Refuse to complain or make excuses. Change your habits
instead. Remember, you are only as busy as you choose to be. Leave “if
only” excuses to the kids. If needed, alert your employer about the
intentional changes you are making and tell them you will be unavailable
on that particular day. And if you choose to carve out rest at home, loop
your people into your plan—they may be fending for themselves a bit
more.

Page 27 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Plan your rest.

Rest will only come from intentional planning, and planning rest will
come only if you truly want to make it happen. Put it on your calendar.
Learn to say no to any tasks that attempt to take precedent. Plan out your
day of rest by choosing creative activities that are refreshing and encourage
relationships. Write them into your calendar the way you’d block off time
for a business meeting. Understand that true rest is different than just not
working. As the Cat in the Hat wisely said, “It is fun to have fun but you
have to know how.” Avoid housework. Plan meals in advance to help
alleviate cooking responsibilities. And by all means, turn off your
television and email.

Include your family.

Include your family in your rest! It is much easier to practice the discipline
of concentrated rest if your family is practicing it too. The fact that this
gets more difficult as your kids get older should motivate you to start as
soon as possible.

Choose to live with less.

Often, much of our time is gobbled up working to pay for stuff we don’t
need that we’ve purchased with credit—aka money we don’t have. Embrace
a lifestyle that focuses on your values, not your possessions. It is difficult to
find rest when the housework is never finished, the yard needs to be

Page 28 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

mowed, or the garage needs to be organized. Likewise, it’s difficult to find

rest for your mind when you are deep in debt. It is possible; it’s just more
difficult. Don’t overspend your income, live within it.

Adjust your values.

In a results-oriented culture where productivity alone is championed, rest

is countercultural. Rest may even be seen as a sign of weakness by others.
But only you determine your values. Take time with someone you respect
to discuss the ways you’ve felt pressed by your culture’s values, and decide
what it is that you choose to prioritize. Then brainstorm practical ways to
live out your values.

I want you to hear that although our culture pressures us to avoid rest,
we’re the ones who suffer for it. To embrace a life you enjoy, capture the
lost practice of taking rest and start living again.

...

Joshua Becker is the founder and editor of Becoming Minimalist, a website

that inspires 1 million readers each month to own less and live more. He is
also the best-selling author of The More of Less and founder of The Hope
Effect, a nonprofit organization changing orphan care around the world.

Page 29 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Seven Stress-Fighting Secrets

From Top-Notch Therapists
by ANDREEA CIULAC

Page 30 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

When you spend most of your career interviewing mental health experts,
you start getting a good grasp on how they navigate life. And you start
seeing patterns. As a journalist for the Chicago Tribune’s Life & Style
section, and later, when I launched my own wellness website, The Sanity
Snack, I got to work closely with award-winning psychologists, sought-
after psychotherapists and inspirational speakers.

Many of these specialists have written books and given speeches at Google
or TED Talks. But no matter their area of expertise, stress is an underlying
topic of their discourse. Stress is the one common issue their clients
grapple with when trying to fix their marriages, careers or self-esteem.

Here are some key takeaways on dealing with stress, culled from countless
hours of conversations with these top-notch therapists:

1. Stress loosens its grip when you get vulnerable.

It was psychotherapist Amy Morin who opened my eyes to this concept:

stress won’t cripple you as much once you start calling it by its name. As
tempting as it is, acting tough when you feel overwhelmed will backfire,
says Morin, author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take
Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, and Train Your Brain
for Happiness and Success.”

Too often, people confuse being strong with acting tough, Morin warns.
Being mentally strong is about being aware of your emotions. That might

Page 31 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

mean, she explains, “crying at a funeral or feeling really nervous before you
give a big speech.”

Winifred Reilly, marriage and family therapist and author of “It Takes One
to Tango: How I Rescued My Marriage,” is also a big proponent of the
“letting your guard down” approach as a way to cope with stress. “I’ve
learned over the years that it’s OK for me to tear up or even cry with my
clients when they’re suffering, rather than sit there like a block of stone,
which would likely give me a lot of bodily tension and maybe a headache,”
she told me during a recent interview.

2. A self-care routine is key to stress prevention.

Mental health professionals are not immune to stress. They’re just better at
prioritizing self-care to ensure they’re equipped to handle whatever life
throws at them.

Stress experts put an emphasis on exercise. They often choose fun physical
activities over strenuous workouts. Think long walks, leisure runs, Pilates
and Zumba classes.

Family time and hobbies rank high on their self-care routine. Maryellen
Mullin, founder of San Francisco Family Therapy, for instance, rides a
horse named Beau twice a week. “Beau keeps me sane. He’s a Morgan
Thoroughbred, easy to please with treats and a pat—what a reward for me,”
she wrote in an email.

Page 32 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Lastly, stress experts go to therapy. Dr. Kristen Lee, lead faculty for
Behavioral Science at Northeastern University and author of “Reset: Make
the Most of Your Stress: Your 24-7 Plan for Wellbeing” admits having
“regular shaky moments.” She says she goes to therapy on a regular basis to
avoid being her own case study of burnout.

3. Hanging out with your inner kid is restorative.

Humor and joy, as I learned from Mullin, are the most effective weapons
against stress. A work deadline won’t cause you as much anxiety if you’re
wearing a wacky piece of clothing that puts you in a playful mood. When
we forget to play, we shut down a vital part of what keeps us happy and
balanced. We become more stressed and disconnected from others.

Thankfully, there are plenty of ways to inject more fun into our lives and
fight off stress. Mullin recommends adult board games, trivia night at a
pub or an impromptu dance party at home.

Or you can follow Gretchen Rubin’s example and read some children’s
literature. Rubin, a renown happiness expert, recently shared with me that
reading is “my cubicle and my playground; my comfort and my adventure.”
Some favorites she has read three times or more include “The Golden
Compass” by Philip Pullman, “Little Women” by Louisa May Alcott, and J.
M. Barrie’s “Peter Pan.”

Page 33 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

4. There is a bright side to stress.

Ian Robertson, a neuroscientist and clinical psychologist in Dublin,

Ireland, does a lot of public speaking around the world. And every time he
gets a little nervous. Rather than letting himself get paralyzed by anxiety,
he uses that jolt of stress to improve his performance. “My own best public
lectures have only been good because I have felt anxious just beforehand,”
Robertson says.

His book, “The Stress Test: How Pressure Can Make You Stronger and
Sharper,” explains how we can all benefit from experiencing moderate
amounts of stress. The main trick is to tell yourself you’re excited when you
are anxious. Your brain won’t know the difference. How does that work?
The symptoms of stress and excitement, Robertson pointed out, are
similar: pumping heart, sweating skin et cetera.

Here’s a practical example. If you have an important meeting coming up

and you feel stress creeping up on you, don’t force yourself to calm down.
Take three long and slowish breaths, breathing in to the count of five and
out to the count of five, Robertson suggests. Stand proud, smile
confidently, lightly clench your right hand and say to yourself, “I feel
excited!”

This technique is so effective because it teaches you that the symptoms of

stress eventually pass. Plus, working through that stress can actually give
you a sense of achievement.

Page 34 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

5. Think outside the box to kick stress to the curb.

Conquering stress requires an open mind. Otherwise, you might miss out
on the benefits of some unexpected stress relievers. Take swearing for
instance.

In moments of fear and anger, the best thing you can do for your sanity is
to swear like a sailor. I learned this trick from Benjamin K. Bergen,
professor of cognitive science at the University of California, San Diego
and author of “What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language,
Our Brains, and Ourselves.”

Strong language might not be appropriate for every time, place or

audience. But Bergen says it does wonders for your mood when you
experience strong emotions, like frustration, stress, or elation. It can make
you feel “relaxed, funny, or at home.”

Another overlooked stress-fighting tool? Online wellness subscriptions.

Kati Morton, a licensed therapist in Los Angeles who manages a popular
mental health YouTube channel, says these can bring fast relief in a
particularly nerve-racking season. But don’t choose a program based on its
popularity; let your personality guide you. If you’re into sports, for
instance, you might choose a movement-based therapy such as an online
yoga class. On the flip side, if you’re battling obsessive thought, subscribing
to a meditation app might be a better option. Finally, look up the program

Page 35 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

to make sure the service received good reviews from trustworthy sources
such as The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA).

6. Positive thinking isn’t everything.

Positive thinking is being touted by the self-help community as a cure-all

for mental well-being. In reality, forcing yourself to “think happy
thoughts”—and failing—can leave you feeling worse. How to break this
vicious cycle?

Enter Joseph Cardillo, a holistic psychology expert. In his book, “Body

Intelligence: Harness Your Body’s Energies for Your Best Life,” Cardillo
explains how to use your body’s energy to get yourself in good spirits. For
example, music can instantly shift your mood, no happy thoughts required,
says Cardillo. He tells people to prepare two playlists before they leave the
house: one of relaxing tunes and one with activating songs. When you’re
stuck in traffic and feel the anxiety ramping up, hit your relax file. If you
feel nervous before a conference call, switch to the upbeat playlist.

Another little-known stress-busting trick? Massaging energy points at the

bottom center of each foot. Cardillo’s instructions go like this: From a
seated position, turn your left foot so that it is bottom up. Then holding it
in place with your left hand, massage the center of the foot with the thumb
of your right hand. Switch feet. You should feel energy streaming through
your body.

Page 36 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

7. Easy is the antidote to stress.

When life throws curveballs at you, the healthy habits that give you the
stamina to deal with stress—clean eating and exercise—fall to the wayside.
UCLA behavioral psychologist Sean Young suggests a solution: if you want
to stick with something, make it easy.

I asked him to him to give me an example from his personal life. While
teaching on campus at UCLA, he said, going to the gym on campus was a
no-brainer. His whole routine was thrown off when his office moved 40
minutes away. So he stopped exercising, which didn’t help with the stress
of switching offices. His solution was simple, yet effective. He joined the
gym across the street and brought a workout bag to work.

On a mental level, easy means letting go of perfectionism. I came to this

realization after interviewing Kerrie Thompson Mohr, psychotherapist and
founder of A Good Place Therapy in New York City. For most people,
stress brings up a lot of self-blame, which can chip away at your mental
health. Try changing the script, Thompson says.

Instead of: “I can’t believe I didn’t wake up when my alarm went off to go
run. What’s wrong with me? I am so undisciplined and lazy,” Try: “I just
had a thought that I was undisciplined and lazy, because I was too tired to
wake up when my alarm went off for my run.”

Page 37 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

To really calm down a perfectionistic, stressed-out mind, ditch the all-or-

nothing mentality. Thompson uses the analogy of marathon training to
help patients see the big picture. Any marathon runner’s training season is
not likely to be 100% awesome or 100% terrible. If you find yourself
thinking that the whole season is difficult, a more balanced view may be,
“I’ve had some runs where I’ve felt great, and two long runs that were
hard.’’

...

Andreea Ciulac is the founder of The Sanity Snack, a wellness website

featuring bite-size self-help advice from therapists, scientists, business
coaches, fitness trainers and more. She is a former journalist for Chicago
Tribune. Her experience ranges from writing health, fashion and consumer
stories to editing a weekly series for Tribune’s Life & Style section.

Page 38 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

My Personal Story of
Overcoming Stress and Anxiety
by MARLA SARR IS

Page 39 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

I have always been ambitious. I struggle with perfectionism. And that’s

partly why struggling with depression and fatigue can be so debilitating.
I’ve endured panic attacks that have felt like I was being strangled from the
inside out. And on more than one account, I have considered ending my
life.

Things were on the upside when I discovered the paleo diet and lifestyle
back in 2009. In my typically ambitious style, I committed to make
whatever changes and adjustments to go fully paleo. That led me to lose 60
pounds. I felt fantastic, productive and motivated.

Then everything fell apart. I gained the weight back. I was still eating well,
100 percent paleo. I worked out regularly. I made every tweak to my diet
and lifestyle I could think of to try to feel motivated again. Despite all this,
I gained the weight back and I felt exhausted all the time, no matter what I
tried. Cooking a meal and doing the dishes on most days was the extent of
what I could handle for the day.

As founder and blogger for [Link], I felt like a fraud. I felt

trapped. I was sharing paleo recipes with my readers while gaining weight
and that made me feel guilty. That sense of failure was a heavy weight to
bear, both physically and emotionally. During this downturn, I didn’t feel
capable of communicating with anyone, let alone sharing what happened
with me. I flat out didn’t know what was wrong.

Page 40 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

It took over a year to figure out that I was suffering from adrenal
exhaustion—the final stage of adrenal fatigue, which is brought on by
stress. I finally knew why I felt so constantly and utterly tired.

These last few years, I’ve been focused on healing. But with this step
underway, new stresses surfaced. I have been barely surviving changes to
my close personal relationships which have brought about an entirely new
set of challenges.

Even though I’m now on the path toward healing and peaceful living, I still
catch myself placing unnecessary expectations and pressure on myself. I’m
driven to do my best and when I don’t feel I’m living up to my potential, I
stress myself out. Take writing this article, for example. Telling my story
should be the simplest thing I could possibly do. However, deciding what
parts to share and what is useful (or useless) becomes an anxiety-ridden
task. Maybe this rings a bell for you.

A Day in the Life

It’s tempting to become impatient with myself and expect my mind to be

stronger than the effects of stress and anxiety. But the truth is that living
with stress and anxiety is a daily struggle, fraught with choices every hour
that increase or decrease my peace. Take Friday, October 20th for example.

Page 41 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

I work for six different organizations and at the time of this particular
Friday, I was also playing in three different flag football and kickball
leagues. On top of that, I was participating in two fitness challenges.

I started the day working as the studio manager at The Dailey Method, a
yoga studio. One particular teacher has a tendency to arrive late, so this
was one of those days when I found myself holding my breath as class time
approached. I pasted on a smile so students wouldn’t notice that anything
was amiss. But under that smile, a panic attack was brewing.

My thoughts ran wild through all the possibilities: What if he doesn’t show?
Can I teach this class without having been trained? Can I stall long enough if he’s
only a few minutes late? What are the student’s thinking? Will they come back
next week if he’s late today? Do I have time to pee? Who just took that water?
What’s her name again?

That morning, I also had to fulfill one of my regular tasks of contacting

students who haven’t paid for classes yet. There’s a certain level of stress to
that kind of task. No one likes to be the bearer of bad news. No one wants
to be the collector. These worries were stacked on top of the tasks related
to the studio wrapping up a 30 day challenge campaign, checking students
in for class, managing our social media accounts, cleaning the studio and
numerous other responsibilities. It was a busy day to be sure.

Page 42 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Two days earlier, I was hurt while playing center on my flag football league.
Two guys ran into me at the same time. The injury prevented me from
playing the rest of the game because I couldn’t walk. I was beyond angry
that I had to sit on the sidelines and watch our team struggle through our
last game. But then to not be able to join in on the yoga classes because I
was injured was just icing on the cake.

I stopped all physical activity to give my body time to recover. I had

planned to meet a friend after work at 2pm at the cryotherapy spa (where I
also work), hoping a session there would encourage the healing process. My
friend is notorious for running late so I made sure to warn him of the time
the session started. Still, I didn’t hear from him until ten minutes before
the session.

I hopped in for my cryo session after agreeing to meet my friend

afterwards when he was ready. That meant I had to stay in the area. Luckily
my boss invited me to her house to hang out with her family while I waited
to hear back from him.

Fast forward to me sitting around waiting on my friend for two hours and
still not hearing from him. In the meantime, I was invited to go to a Self
Love Workshop with another friend in the city. I immediately said yes!

Page 43 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

But that choice then opened up a new can of worms and questions ran
endlessly through my mind. Should I park my car and take the train? How
far was the destination from the train station? Should I drive instead? How
long did it take to get there? Should I book a spot online beforehand or
wait till I got there to search for street parking? Should I eat before I leave?

In the end, I booked a parking spot online, found the parking lot, walked
to the meditation studio a couple blocks away and arrived 10 minutes after
the workshop had begun. After squeezing into a spot near the speaker, I
laid out my yoga mat and sat down. I tried to get my shoulders to relax
away from my ears while trying to listen, yet only hearing about every
other word. My mind still buzzed with the stress of changing plans.

The best part of the workshop for me was the guided meditation portion.
While laying flat on my yoga mat with my arms by my sides, I closed my
eyes and dropped into the seat of meditation. With all the practice I’ve had
as cofounder of Week of Zen, it has become so much easier to drop into
that meditative state. Each time I do, I feel myself reaching a deeper state
of relaxation and coming out of meditation more centered and more
focussed than when I started.

With all the stress from the day, that 20 minute meditation session did not
clear all my stress away. Nothing can do that. It did, however give me some

Page 44 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

much needed space to breathe. I left the workshop feeling better than
when I arrived. And that’s what’s most important!

Practice Peace

October 20th is just an example of one stressful day for me and the
countless choices to choose stress or to choose peace. The struggle is most
definitely real. We all have stress and we all deal with it differently. The
way I survive when stress and overwhelm takes over is by returning to the
modalities I know work for me. Here are a few practices that might help
you.

• Be active, move your body through space and time. Barre, cycling and
yoga classes are some of my favorites, as well as lifting weights. All these
methods help relieve stress through physical activity which strengthens
your body, refreshes your mind and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
Physical activity also increases the level of dopamine in your brain which
is understood to help fight depression and anxiety.

• Meditation is huge resource for me. The relaxation I can achieve after a
short meditation session is essential for my well-being and ability to deal
with my anxiety. It helps me gain perspective on what’s truly important,
and to be fully present instead of letting my worries dictate my thoughts.

Page 45 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

• Taking an epsom salt bath is another technique I rely heavily on. Salt
baths help reduce inflammation, soreness and pain. It encourages your
muscles to relax. When your body is at peace, it triggers your mind to
calm down and relax.

• Lighting incense is a new ritual I have started every night when I come
home. Since smell is so tightly connected to memory in our brain, it is a
great tool to help create habits. Incense is a soothing smell and it serves
to trigger my mind that I am home now, my work is done, and I can start
the process of winding down for a good night’s rest.

• Following a nightly routine helps guide me into sleep. My thoughts are

less distracted as I move through the motions by rote habit. By
completing the same routine every night, my body tells my brain that it’s
time for rest.

If none of these techniques work for you, I encourage you to keep trying to
find something that helps relieve your own stress. Always be a student,
there’s always something new you can learn or experiment with or try.
Dealing with stress and anxiety is a daily reality for many of us. But each
hour brings new opportunities for growth and for peace. Just breathe.

Page 46 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

...

Marla Sarris is an entrepreneur from Chicago. She runs the popular food
blog, Paleo Porn, where she's privileged to connect with hundreds of
thousands of foodies every year. Marla continues to indulge her passion for
teaching through Paleo Porn. And when she's not in the kitchen she's one-
third of SPYR, a brand development agency, and she is the Executive
Producer of the feature-length documentary, Minimalism: A Documentary
About The Important Things.

Page 47 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Mindfulness as an Antidote
to Stress
by LEO BAB AUTA

Page 48 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

You could live a life of pure and elegant simplicity, with no kids, no work,
no online distractions… and still be stressed out.

Simplicity is a great way to reduce stress, but it’s not enough to simplify.
We have to learn to get at the root of stress and anxiety. We need to learn
to work with the root issue, to change the way we deal with the causes of
our stress.

I know this, because I radically simplified my life, and stress still found me.

I convinced my wife Eva, and our six kids, to get rid of most of our clutter.
We downsized, patiently got out of debt and spaced out our schedules.

I started meditating, got healthier, formed a running habit (and ran

marathons), started eating whole vegan healthy food, learned to focus and
overcome procrastination. I created simple systems and explored
minimalism. I meditated every morning.

And yet, stress still found me.

I asked myself, “If radical simplicity, living without debt, single-tasking,

and minimalism don’t get rid of stress, than what does? What’s causing it?”

The answer only came when I started diving deeper into mindfulness.

Page 49 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

As I continued to meditate and to explore mindfulness practices, I learned

to see what was causing my stress.

It was attachment. It was my story about other people or about whatever

situation I was in. It was my reluctance to let go, and instead cling tightly
to whatever it was that I wanted the world to be.

It’s only when I learned to embrace mindfulness that I became aware of any
of this happening.

What You Find in the Shadows

Most of the time, we aren’t very aware of the inner workings of our minds.
Thoughts come, unbidden, and we don’t control our thinking at all.

Try this experiment: close your eyes and see what thought comes next. Did
you choose that thought? Where did it come from? Can you control your
thoughts in an orderly manner?

I’ve found, from practicing, that thoughts are like uncontrollable wild
things. We can try to corral them, but we never come close to total control.

Instead, the most powerful thing we can do is to observe our thoughts. See
how they can grab hold of us and take us on a ride, full of stress and
anxiety, frustration or resentment. See how we can create a story about

Page 50 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

what’s going on, build a case against someone else, build a case defending
ourselves. And how these stories affect our happiness.

The most powerful thing we can do is to pay attention to our thoughts,

instead of letting them live in the shadows and have unseen power over us.

By becoming the observer of our thoughts, we take away their power.

Instead of being all-powerful, they become clouds that we can watch,
drifting past us.

The Root of Our Stress and Anxiety

So what causes our stress? It can seem like external situations are the cause
—the million things we have to do, the people who are being obnoxious,
the difficult situation we’re in or the overwhelming number of things
coming at us.

But the external situation isn’t the root cause of the stress. It’s our reaction
to the external situation. It’s our thoughts, our way of looking at things,
and our habit of letting ourselves get hooked by these thoughts.

For example, let’s say that you’re stressed about a big mess in your home, or
general messiness in your life. You might blame the mess as the cause of
your stress, but the truth is, there’s always going to be a mess somewhere.
We can’t put the entire world in order. The external situation is what it is.

Page 51 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

The problem is that we have a story about the mess: it shouldn’t be like
that, we want a nice clean house, and all of this mess is just making me
anxious! The story we create is our inner dialogue about the situation, and
the problem is that we want things to match our ideals. When the external
world is messy, it doesn’t match our expectations, and so we get frustrated,
anxious, stressed.

The cause, then, is the ideal. The story. Our tendency to get hooked by the
story, and not be happy with the external situation.

How can we work with that cause?

Working with the Stress

We can use mindfulness to work with our ideal, our story, and our
tendency to get hooked by the story and reject the moment in front of us.

First, we notice that we’re stressed in some way. Our mental habit is
usually to avoid stress (rejecting our experience of stress), but in actuality,
being stressed isn’t a huge problem. It’s OK to feel this way. Just notice, and
don’t panic.

Next, we can just pause to observe what’s going on. What’s causing our
stress? Is it the mess around us? Or maybe another person is driving us
crazy. Notice that we’re unhappy with the external situation (or ourselves).
Notice that we have a story about what’s going on and it’s not helping.

Page 52 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Notice that we have an ideal about the situation and the ideal isn’t being
met. Notice that we’re hooked on the story, on not wanting things to be
the way they are.

Now we can start to investigate how the stress feels in our body, physically.
Where in our body is the feeling located? What sensations can we notice
there? Can we be curious about the physical sensations? Turning attention
to our body is a way to drop out of the story in our head and into the
present moment.

Next, we can start to let go of the ideal we have, which isn’t making us
happy but in fact is causing the stress. We can, instead, open up to the
present moment.

What can we notice about the actual moment in front of us? Can we just
see it, without the extra layer of a story about the moment? Without
judgment, interpretations or ideals, just observe what’s there?

What can we be grateful for in this moment in front of us? Maybe the light
is especially pretty, or there is quiet, or there is a pleasant sensation. Maybe
we can just be grateful to be alive, experiencing this particular moment.
That is magical.

By opening up to the present moment, being curious about it and grateful

for it, we start to get away from the cause of our stress (ideals, stories,
being hooked, rejecting the situation), and move toward something that

Page 53 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

can cause us happiness, even joy: The wonderful moment that is here in
front of us.

This moment is not some theoretical ideal. Perhaps it’s not what we desire,
but it’s actually here, and it is beautiful.

The Stress of Too Much to Do

One of the most common causes of stress is having too many things to do.
We can simplify our to-do list, of course, but I’ve found that no matter
how much you simplify, there’s always stress about what we have to do.
How can we work with this stress mindfully?

First, notice that we’re stressed. Notice that we have thoughts about
everything that we have to do. The thoughts have hooked us into a story
about all our tasks and projects, and this is causing us to feel overwhelmed
and stressed.

Next, notice how this feeling of stress feels in your body. Where in your
body is the feeling located? What physical sensations can you notice in this
part of your body? Can you keep your attention on it for a minute? The
longer you can stay with this physical sensation, the better.

Notice how the physical sensation isn’t that bad. It’s just a sensation, a kind
of energy in your body, nothing to be afraid of. You don’t need to run from
it, or “deal with it” in any way. You can just rest your attention on it.

Page 54 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Then see if you can be curious about the sensation of stress or being
overwhelmed. See what kind of textures or qualities you can notice in this
sensation. Does it change over time?

See if you can even find gratitude in the middle of this sensation, what is
there to be grateful for? Maybe you are stressed because you have a job—
that’s something to be grateful for! Maybe you’re stressed because you’re
launching a new venture, because you have beautiful kids, because you have
a busy social life. Wonderful things! We focus on the negative, but finding
gratitude in the discomfort of stress can be helpful.

Sometimes you can find joy in the middle of this discomfort, by opening
your heart to the feeling, and noticing the beauty of life that this feeling is
a part of. You can rest in the feeling of stress and see the beauty in it.

The Practices of Effortless Mindfulness

With the above method in mind, some simple things you can do to practice
effortless mindfulness are:

1. Just sit in stillness every day, in the morning, resting your attention on
your body and your current experience. What are you feeling? How does
your body feel? Welcome that experience like you would a good friend.

2. Check in with yourself during the middle of the day, maybe setting a
reminder on your phone or putting a note somewhere where you’ll see it.

Page 55 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

As you check in, notice how you’re feeling. Stay with the feeling for a bit.
Open up to it in curiosity.

3. When you’re feeling angry, frustrated and stressed, practice the method I
described in the last section. How can you stay with the physical feeling, in
your body, just a little longer? How can you open up to it just a little more?

4. When you feel frustrated with someone else, look at their face and see if
you can feel any gratitude for them being in your life. Can you find any
love in your heart for them? Can you try to understand what they’re going
through just a little? Can you see the pain and struggle they are going
through, and feel compassion for them?

These are little practices that don’t take tremendous effort. But by
practicing these steps in small doses throughout the day, you’ll get better at
mindfulness, better at understanding your stress and discomfort, better at
letting go and becoming present.

...

Leo Babauta is the founder of Zen Habits, a blog about finding simplicity
and mindfulness in the daily chaos of our lives. He lives in Davis,
California with his wife and six kids, where he eat vegan food, write, run,
and read. Leo also has a blog focused on simplicity called [Link]. He
brought attention to The 100 Things Challenge, which is a powerful
method of working toward simple living.

Page 56 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

The Worry Trick

by DR. DAVID CARBON ELL

Page 57 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Scott has been distracted at work, plagued by persistent thoughts he’s

unable to shake. Staring blankly at his computer screen, Scott is aware he’s
not making progress on the report that’s due the next day.

Noticing discomfort near his temples, potentially the beginnings of a

headache, Scott wonders if his chronic worry might be causing a cerebral
hemorrhage. He realizes that he’s thirsty and fears dehydration might
contribute to these types of hemorrhages. And having slept poorly the
previous evening, Scott becomes concerned that fatigue—on top of the
brain hemorrhage!—might cause him to become ineffective at work.

Scott heads toward the water cooler to nip his thirst in the bud, then
realizing he must pass his boss’s office, Scott fears she will notice him and
wonder why he isn’t at his desk. She might even take a glance, Scott
believes, and discern how anxious he is. Turning back before he passes her
office, Scott returns without a drink. And within moments, he begins to
dread that dehydration might trigger a seizure. Wanting to get a handle on
the likelihood of his concerns, Scott clicks open a browser window to
search for information on seizures, dehydration and cerebral hemorrhages.

Despite the fact that he’s both a healthy man and a valued employee, Scott
is a worrier. Yet every strategy he’s tried to keep worry at bay—and the list
is long!—has proved ineffective.

Page 58 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Have You Been Tricked?

Have you experienced a bit of what Scott does? Maybe you get tricked into
believing that you’re about to die, go crazy or lose control of yourself. Or
perhaps you fear that you’ll appear so nervous in front of others that you’ll
be humiliated and excluded by your community. If your worry is more
specific, you might get tricked into believing that you’ll be completely
overcome by an object or situation. Even more insidious, you might believe
your constant worry will drive you mad! If you’re pestered by worry,
understanding the worry trick can help.

The worry trick isn’t a magic formula by which you fool worry. Rather, the
worry trick is when you are mislead into feeling powerful fear in the
absence of any danger. Your worries aren’t based on any likely probability,
they’re based on fear. You experience doubt or discomfort and are fooled
into treating it like danger. Then your struggle to protect yourself from
what you believe to be dangerous leads you down a path of increasing
trouble. That’s the trick!

When we’re in danger, our natural responses are fight, flight or freeze. If a
threat looks weaker than us, we’ll fight it. If it looks stronger than us, but
slower, we’ll run away. If it looks stronger and faster than us, we’ll freeze
and hope it doesn’t see too well! That’s how we’re naturally wired to
respond to danger. And it’s those natural instincts that fuel the worry
trick.

Page 59 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

We know we’ve been tricked when we try to solve our problem with
methods that only make the problem more severe and chronic.

When we opt to fight, we might not battle a human assailant who seems
smaller than us, but we might continue to endlessly battle our unwanted
thoughts, never quite finding relief from them.

When we opt for the flight response, we might not bolt the way a caveman
might run from a tiger. But if group activities like parties make us anxious,
we might stay home and watch Netflix or show up and hide in the corner.

And when we freeze, we probably don’t physically curl up and become

rigid as if we were being attacked by a black bear. But when panic strikes,
we might hold our breath or remain motionless.

A wily reinforcement to these responses is that after we execute them, life

goes on as before. We think we actually protected ourselves against some
danger, and this strengthens the worry trick. But in fact, the reason we
escaped the catastrophe we dreaded is because there was no catastrophe to
begin with!

Another reinforcement is the subtle message that we are the only one who
struggles with worry. We see others who appear cool and confident and we
compare their outward physical appearance to how we’re feeling inside.
That’s how we get fooled. Comparing what we experience through our

Page 60 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

nerve endings to what others display on the outside isn’t even like
comparing apples to oranges—it’s like comparing apples to alligators.

What makes a difference isn’t whether or not you experience worrisome

thoughts, it’s how you respond to them. This is where you can win.

Winning

Feeling and responding to troubling thoughts is a lot like choosing how to

deal with that irksome relative you’re seated next to at a wedding
reception. I call him Uncle Argument, and he really likes to argue. About
everything. But you don’t want to argue. So what do you do? If you ignore
him, he gets louder and more persistent. If you tell him you’d rather not
argue, he’ll nag you about being afraid to voice your opinion. And if you do
engage by arguing, no one wins.

But what would happen if you decided to humor him? What if—true or
untrue, brilliant or ridiculous—you agree with everything he says? What
might likely happen is that the man who lives to argue would find someone
else with whom to argue.

Dealing with your worry is like dealing with Uncle Argument. If this
sounds counterintuitive, it’s because it is! Worry goes against common
sense because the harder you try to suppress your worrisome thoughts, the
worse they get. But when you greet worry with a humoring response, you
become more accepting of the worry and it matters less to you.

Page 61 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

So are you ready to live differently?

Three Steps For Handling Chronic Worry

When you’re being bothered by worrisome thoughts, I want you to use the
acronym AHA to remind you of the steps you can use to move beyond
your worry.

A: Acknowledge and accept

H: Humor the worrisome thoughts as you would humor Uncle Argument

A: Activity—resume doing things that are important to you in your

external world.

Let me break these down for you.

1. Acknowledge and accept.

Although it can feel counterintuitive, acknowledge that you’re having a

worrisome thought. Don’t push it away, just acknowledge that it’s there.
Briefly observe the presence of the worrisome thoughts to yourself,
acknowledge them, and move on to whatever’s next.

So what is there to accept? Accept the fact that you’re having a thought
you don’t like. There’s no need to try to contradict the thought, disprove it,
make it go away or reassure yourself. Just accept it and move on.

Page 62 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Tip: If you’re wondering what to say to yourself when you notice this thought, I
suggest simply commenting, “Oh well.”

2. Humor the worrisome thoughts.

Respond to those thoughts the way you might humor Uncle Argument, in
a playful style that might feel counterintuitive. There are lots of ways you
can do this and here are some of my favorites:

Sing a worry song. Draft worrisome lyrics to a catchy tune, poking fun
about the disasters awaiting you around every corner.

Write a haiku. Write a simple three-line poem—five syllables in the first

line, seven in the second, and five in the third—about your worries. No
rhyming necessary!

Write a limerick. In this five-line poem, the first, second, and fifth lines
rhyme with each other and have the same number of syllables. The same
goes for the third and fourth lines. (Google it for easy reference.)

Worry in your second language. If you’re bilingual, or even took a language

in high school, worry in your second language. Or even in pig latin!

Page 63 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Worry in a fake foreign accent. Yes, it’s silly. I know. But that’s what helps
you get a good perspective on the worry.

List your worries. Write out your worries on paper and then go about your
business, secure that you can return to this worry or that one at any time.
You don’t have to keep thinking about them, because they’ve been
recorded. You can also do this as an audio recording.

Tip: Choose a method of poking fun at your thoughts that’s most convenient for
you throughout the day: compose on your computer, doodle in a notebook or type
your worries in your phone.

3. Activity—resume doing things that are important to you.

If you could choose between being caught up in your internal world of

worry or returning to your external world, which would you choose? It’s
typically more fruitful to engage in activities that are important or fun
than it is to spend a lot of time in your head trying to banish worrying
thoughts. It also leads to a better outcome. And the good news is that you
always have this choice!

When you get on with your business—your job, your hobbies, your
housework, your relationships—the worries often leave sooner. And even
when they don’t, you’re participating in life while you wait for them to
pass.

Page 64 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Tip: Choose in advance a few activities that are most doable and pleasurable for
you, in light of your unique circumstances.

When worry tricks you, it fools you into responses that actually make your
fears stronger and more persistent. It’s like fighting fire with gasoline! So if
you battle worry, try using these practical, counterintuitive tools to
outsmart the worry trick!

...

David A. Carbonell, PhD, is a clinical psychologist who has specialized in

the treatment of anxiety disorders in Chicago, IL for more than 25 years.
He is the “coach” at [Link], and author of Panic Attacks
Workbook and The Worry Trick.

Page 65 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Because Letting Go Doesn’t

Always Mean Giving Up
by BRI AN GAR DNER

Page 66 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Every year at about this time, she did a sweep through the house.

Christmas was around the corner, and she believed in clearing things out
before they brought things in.

If my mother-in-law gives Layla one more My Little Pony, I might just lose my
mind, Katelyn thought as she dug through her daughter’s closet in search of
the forgotten ponies—the neglected ones with matted hair and maybe
some washable marker drawn on them (because that’s what 4-year-olds do
when they get their hands on markers).

Her husband, Jason, had taken the kids to see Santa land in a helicopter at
the small airport nearby, which left her with three precious hours to sweep
the house for under-used, unwanted items.

Katelyn finished the kids’ bedrooms and walked through her own. A pile of
donation items gathered at the top of the stairs, patiently waiting for her
to take them down and load them into the car.

She thumbed through the clothes hanging in her closet, pulling out a
couple of tops. She riffled through her dresser drawers and pulled every
book out of her bedside table.

By the time Jason and the kids walked in, the number of donation items
had doubled. She had her head deep in a kitchen cabinet, hoping to find
just one more unused pan, pot, or utensil.

Page 67 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

“Hi, Mom!” The kids ran up to their bedrooms, giggling and tripping over
each other in their hurry to get past her. The red party-favor bags were
hard to hide, though, even behind their backs, and she knew they were just
hoping she wouldn’t confiscate the candy.

Goodness, she thought, the volume of sugar they consume during the holidays…
But she smiled to herself and played oblivious to those festive red bags and
the kids’ not-so-secretive behavior.

“Hey,” Jason said. “I was thinking while we were out that I’d finish the
sweep with you.”

What? She thought. Did he just say he wanted to join me?

Jason never joined her on the pre-Christmas walkthrough. He always took

the kids out, and she was usually finished by the time they got home. That’s
just what they did, what they’d always done.

Besides, he was the neatest human on the planet. She had considered herself
an organized person until she met him and learned that by comparison, she
was a like a squirrel who stored away all its food for winter.

Her husband, for example, ironed his dress shirts the moment the buzzer
on the dryer sounded. He used a hand towel to dry his toothbrush every
time he used it and preferred to store even hand soap under the kitchen
counter. And the moment a piece of his clothing sprang a hole or got the

Page 68 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

smallest stain, it was out of the house. He hardly needed to go through his
own belongings; he was too on top of those.

He saw her “tidy” and raised it one hundred. Truth be told, this caused
some conflict early in their relationship, but they’d been married for a
decade, so most of those issues had settled down by now.

“Okay?” she replied, half-question, half-answer.

The only room she hadn’t gone through yet was the office. She padded,
sock-footed, into the office and started scanning the bookshelf, while Jason
found a few papers on the desk to file away.

Her eyes crawled over the handful of fiction titles she kept because she
liked to re-read them; they were like old friends. Next, the religious
reference books, then the two cookbooks she actually used, and the bar
exam prep books her dad had given her after she graduated with her BA.

The two of them talked over a few titles, deciding they could part with the
book on amateur fencing Jason had won at his office white elephant
exchange earlier that week.

“Hey, what about your exam prep books?” Jason asked.

“What about them?” Katelyn replied, pulling a copy of Where’s Baby’s Belly
Button? out from under the small sofa they kept in the room.

Page 69 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

“You want to donate them?”

Katelyn felt her palms get a bit sticky. “Nah, my dad would probably notice
and comment on it on Christmas Eve, of all times.”

She could tell Jason had more he wanted say on the matter, but he
shrugged and refocused on the unsorted mail while Katelyn walked out of
the office to add what they’d gathered to the donation pile.

She’d only walked across the stage, accepting her diploma from the dean of
her college, an hour earlier when her dad handed her his gift.

“I’m sure you’ll be needing these,” he said. She thought it might have been
pride she noticed in his voice.

He was a lawyer, as you might have guessed, and he’d talked for years about
her following in his footsteps. Amicably, she’d agreed.

Her dad worked long hours and wore fatigue and stress about as well as he
wore his tailored suits. But as an attorney who specialized in NGO law, he
made a difference in the world and he was proud of that. She was too. And
she always figured she’d do the same.

Page 70 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

But then Jason happened… and their three babies… and she’d quietly built a
small business for herself doing the billing and bookkeeping for a handful
of marriage therapists.

She loved her clients, and she loved the flexibility her work afforded her to
interact with her kids all throughout the day. She loved that she was
(barring any sick children) well rested and generally content with the pace
of her life. And she was significantly less distracted by email than her
father had always been. She didn’t envy him the overwhelm his job brought
into his life—into his whole family’s life, actually.

But the bar—the bar had always been the plan. It had been there for so
many years that it was pretty much a permanent fixture on the horizon of
her future.

“Hon,” Jason said later on, in their room. “How often do you think about
going back to school?”

“Law school?”

“Yeah.”

“Never, really. It hasn’t come up in years. At least not from anyone beyond
my dad.”

Page 71 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

“But you still want to keep those books? I guess that makes me wonder if
there’s a little more to it for you. You know that if you really wanted to
make it happen, we’d figure it out, right?”

Katelyn paused at that, lowering her hands to her lap and smoothing in the
last of the face lotion she had been applying. It was one of those moments
where—for all your spouse might drive you crazy in the bustle of day-to-
day life—you realize how good it feels to have someone who’s always behind
you.

During the next few weeks, she looked at those bar prep books more times
than she had in the last few years. She walked by the office, lingered at the
door, and just stared at them for a minute before moving on.

I always imagined myself as a lawyer someday, she thought. Even three babies
in, it was still there, in the back of my mind. Tucked away.

It had been exposed now, though, and there was no undoing it. If she were
honest with herself, those bar prep books bothered her.

Do I want to practice law? Did I ever? Or was that a vision for my life that
I picked up from my dad and never really bothered to examine?

Page 72 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

I’m happy here. Without a title or a corporate credit card. I like life at this pace,
just me, my kids, my clients, my friends and extended family. Not too much stress
or anxiety. I don’t think I need more. I don’t think I WANT more.

It took her a few weeks to put this together. But when she finally did, she
reached up to the top shelf in the office, pulled down those bar exam prep
books, and set them in the recycling bin.

It was time.

Of course, her dad did notice, a few days later when she and Jason were
hosting their family’s Christmas Eve festivities. Not a lot got by that man,
which was probably why he did the work he did.

“Hey, Katelyn,” he said. “Where are those prep books I gave you?”

She leaned into her dad for a side hug, her 4-year-old daughter on her
other side. “It was time, Dad. I like what I have going on.” With that, her
daughter pulled her toward the food table, chatting nonstop about Santa
while they walked.

She knew this wouldn’t be the last she heard of it from her dad, but she’d
taken the time to listen to herself, and she had just enough life experience
to trust her inner sense of knowing.

Page 73 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

This was one of those times when it felt amazing to just let go. To let go of
the dream that was never really her own—and in exchange, to grab on a
little more tightly to the life she’d built.

...

Brian Gardner is the founder of No Sidebar, a collaborative blog about

minimalism, simple living, and finding happiness. He is a believer in
authenticity and living with purpose. Brian passes the time by listening to
music, writing poetry, and web design.

Page 74 of 75
 NO. 003 — DEC 2017

Colophon
Becoming Minimalist — [Link]

Becoming Minimalist is designed to inspire others to journey towards

minimalism in life... discovering the joy of intentionally living with less...
and realizing what that means for your unique lifestyle.

No Sidebar — [Link]

No Sidebar is a collaborative blog about minimalism, simple living, and

happiness. We want to help you turn down the noise that disrupts the
quiet of your heart and mind and soul.

Page 75 of 75