Chapter 4: Building Identity: The Psychological Construction on the Self

10 Ways to Boost Self-esteem

Self-esteem is an individual's subjective evaluation of their own worth. Self-esteem

encompasses beliefs about oneself as well as emotional states, such as triumph,
despair, pride, and shame. Talking about self-esteem can be sensitive topic for young
people nowadays, especially because when they have low self-esteem. Low self-
esteem can be particularly hard for young people especially when they’re doing things
like starting high school or work, and forming new friendships and relationships. Young
people feel a pressure to conform to what the society wants and accepts which can only
lead them doubting their own capabilities and it would make them feel that they are
useless or worthless. But as wonderful as it is to have higher self-esteem, it turns out
that improving it is no easy task. Part of the problem is that our self-esteem is rather
unstable to begin with, as it can fluctuate daily, if not hourly. But it is certainly possible to
improve our self-esteem.

First, we have to recognize our strength and weaknesses. The first step is to identify,
and then challenge, your negative beliefs about yourself. Notice your thoughts about
yourself. For example, you could find yourself thinking I'm not smart enough to do that
or I have no friends. When you do, look for evidence that contradicts those claims.
Write down both the claims and the facts, and keep looking back to remind yourself that 
your negative assumptions about yourself are not real. It is always a good idea to note
down good things within yourself, like being good at a sport, or pleasant things that
many people have said about you. Once you start feeling weak, reflect back at these
things, and reassure yourself there is more than enough goodness about you. In
particular, constructive internal conversation is a major part of raising your self-esteem.

It is important to surround yourself with people that supports you and has a positive
effect on you. You'll definitely notice that there are some people— and some
relationships— that make you feel better than others. If there are persons whom make
you feel bad about yourself, find a way to stop them. Create relationships with people
that make you happy about yourself and eliminate relationships which might drag you
down. Find people who make you feel good about yourself and avoid those who tend to
trigger your negative thinking.

Be nice to yourself. Every other hour of every day, you do not have to be perfect. You
don't even have to feel good about yourself all the time. Self-esteem ranges from
situation to situation, from day to day and from hour to hour. Some individuals feel
comfortable and optimistic about friends and acquaintances; however they feel
uncomfortable and nervous about unknown people. Others may feel totally in control of
themselves at work, but they may struggle socially (or vice versa). The key is not to be
too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself, and not too critical. Avoid criticizing yourself to
others, because this can reinforce your negative views—and also give other people a
(possibly false) negative opinion of you. You can help to boost your self-esteem by
giving yourself a treat whenever you succeed in doing something hard, or just for
managing a particularly bad day.

It would be much easier to feel great about ourselves when we are physically fit.
Moreover, people with low self-esteem almost always disregard themselves, because
they will not think exactly that they deserve to also be looked after. Learn to do a little
more exercise, eat well, and have enough sleep. It will always be a great idea to always
have time to unwind and do something you really want to do, instead of something that
everybody else wants you to do. You may find that small improvements like this can
make a big difference to your overall outlook.

People with a low self-esteem constantly find it more difficult to stand up for themselves
or say no to others. This indicates that they could become overwhelmed at home or at
school, and they do not want to say something to someone. It will, however, raise
pressure and make it extremely difficult to handle. Improving your assertiveness may
help to develop your self-esteem. Almost always behaving as if you trust in yourself will
actually help boost self-confidence.

Persons with low self-esteem often avoid stressful and intimidating circumstances. In
reality, one way to enhance your self-esteem may be to take on a challenge. This
doesn't mean you need to do it yourself — part of the challenge may be to seek
assistance when you need it — but be prepared to do something that you know would
be hard to do. In succeeding, you're proving yourself that you can do that. It challenges
your negative values and thus increases your self-esteem.

If you're going beyond your comfort zone, if you're trying to do something that's
significant, you're going to slip and fall along the way. And that's all right. It's just natural.
It's what the people who did everything that really counted have done across all ages.
Even if we don't often hear about it as much as we hear about their performance. So,
just consider that. And when you stumble, try this: Be your own best friend.

Once you compare your life, yourself, and what you have to do with the lives of
other people, and what they have, you have a destructive habit on your hands. That's
because you will never win. There's always someone in the world that has more or is
better than you do. There are always people ahead of you. So, replace your habit to
something greater than that. Think at how far you've gotten so far instead. Only
compare yourself to yourself. Just focus on you. Your results and how you can do that
and how you've improved your results. This will both motivate you and raise your self-
esteem.
 Finally, learning to differentiate between your circumstances and who you are is
key to self-worth. “Recognizing inner worth, and loving one’s imperfect self, provide the
secure foundation for growth,” says Schiraldi. “With that security, one is free to grow
with enjoyment, not fear of failure — because failure doesn’t change core worth.”We are
all born with infinite potential and equal worth as human beings. That we are anything
less is a false belief that we have learned over time. Therefore, with hard work and self-
compassion, self-destructive thoughts and beliefs can be unlearned. Taking the steps
outlined above is a start in the effort to increase self-worth, or as Schiraldi says, to
“recognize self-worth. It already exists in each person.”

It is really doubtful that you'll be going from bad to positive self-esteem overnight.
Instead, you'll probably find that you're making small improvements over a period of
time. The key is to look at the long term, not the day-to-day, and to focus on the big
picture, not the details of how you felt at a particular time yesterday. When you feel
good or do something positive, enjoy it, but don't beat yourself if you sometimes fall
back into negative ways of thought. Just get yourself together and try to think more
optimistic. Eventually, this could become a habit, and you will discover that your self-
esteem has gradually changed.

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