Coursework

Operations. Many people usually think of them to be fearful, they are associated with
images of blood, isolation and death. When you mention the word to people the usual
response you gain is concern, because if you have an operation, and it goes wrong, it could
possibly mean at its worst, death.

Recently I had an operation. It wasn’t a life threatening one, yet as I found myself thinking
about it the nights before nerves still built inside of me. It was that overwhelming feeling that
something could go wrong, the mind tries desperately to fight it yet ultimately ends up losing
as fear takes over.

There are nights whereby the mind just thinks, about all the positive and negative issues
related to that day. Naturally one tries to stay positive, because if you don’t, the worry can
cause huge emotional disturbance. You always try to stay happy, I always knew that I would
be asleep in this operation, but my mind kept on thinking:

“What if I wake up?”

It’s a very silly thing to think, but when faced with such situations in life we tend to behave in
a silly way. It’s not so much fear all the time, its more anticipation, anxiety about the events
to come.

There’s also the feeling of excitement before a day like that. I obviously wanted the operation
to be successful; I was looking forward to seeing a better person after the operation. This
feeling is what drove me on to have the confidence going into such a day.

My father flew in from abroad to see me before and after this operation; it was great to see
him. It gave me the feeling of happiness. Nevertheless in the days building up to an
operation, every moment of happiness is short-lived, because in my mind I always have that
feeling which I truly hate, the feeling of dread and nervousness. This was always there, and
it would never leave until this was over.

The thing about this operation, though, was that I had been through many similar ones in the
past. It shouldn’t be a problem for me. I was also much older; I should react like an adult
would react to these situations. Whilst going through all of this I found I did react well, but the
nervous feeling would not leave, it would never leave me at peace until this was over.

As the morning of the day came I felt rather confident. In the days building to this day I felt as
if I prepared myself, so I was feeling composed. In the past I had experienced sickness on
the way to the hospital, but as I was older and wiser, this time I felt a lot better, I was self-
assured for the day ahead.

I entered the hospital. This was Great Ormond Street hospital for children, a world famous
hospital acknowledged for its excellence in providing help for children. With my mother I
headed towards the ward, and the waiting room.
As I looked to my right I saw a child. He seemed like an average school child you see these
days. He was aged around 8 or 9 years old. However he was still in his nappies and he
could not even talk properly. Goosebumps shot through my body as I looked to my mother,
she looked towards the heavens and whispered:

“Thank you god for all you have given us”.

As I looked to my left, I saw another child, with a disability biting his own mothers arm. His
face was not like an average child. I wandered how he goes to school. I wandered whether
he is bullied or not. I wandered at how he lives his life. I noticed his mother saying as he was
biting her:

“I wish they made the holidays shorter”.

I was stunned. Its moments like these where I truly feel like an ungrateful person. How could
I have ever complained about anything in my life? How could I have complained about a
small sickness? How could I have ever complained about the work I have to do? How could I
have ever complained about the way I am?

All I could do is stare in shock, knowing that these children, of all ages, do not have the
ability to comprehend and talk. A gift which we as humans take for granted. These children
will never have the privilege of going to a proper school, growing and becoming part of
society by getting a job. Instead, some will stay on machines for the most part of their life,
others will be bullied for the way they are, and the way they look.

I couldn’t help but thank God every single time I saw one of those in fortunate little children;
they were suffering so much. And I was complaining about a relative, small problem in
comparison. I looked to their parents, who did not leave their children for a second; they had
so much love in their eyes. They valued these little boys and girls, they adored them.

I sat down as a nurse came to check my blood pressure and my weight.

“It all looks great”. She said with a smile.

It was time for the operation. By the time this moment came, I wanted it. I had been through
so much of thinking about it, all the implications that I just wanted to get it over and done
with.

Usually in hospitals when performing an operation doctor’s use anaesthetic to either numb
the area of operation, or send the patient to sleep. Anaesthesia is when medications are
used to affect the brain in a certain way for it to cause a patient to become temporarily
unconscious. This means the patient is completely unaware of any pain or stimulation. It
also causes the brain to forget anything that happens during the operation.

Local anaesthetic is used to numb the area, and in operations using local anaesthetic the
patient stays awake. However in most other options general anaesthetic is used, which
sends the patient to sleep so the operation can be performed. My operation, involved
general anaesthetic.

I got dressed into the hospital gown and made my way into a room where I would be sent to
sleep, before being taken into an operating theatre.
I entered the room and saw 2 nurses and the anaesthetist, who is the doctor injecting me,
sending me to sleep. I attempted to calm myself as I looked around this room. It was a rather
small room, including many medical machines and systems; I could however not identify
many of these. In the centre of this room was a bed that I approached to lay down on. I
observed the nurses. They were standing, with huge smiles on their faces. That’s really how
everyone always is in this hospital. Wherever you head to, there are always people, who are
smiling.

I lay down on the bed, put my headphones in my ears and played a beautiful calming
supplication, to relax myself. I did not listen to the music others listened to. As the
supplication began one of the nurses came to my level, and looked at my phone to see the
name of the supposed song.

“What song is it?” She asked curiously.

“You wouldn’t know it”, I replied with a smile.

My mind was at ease. I took a deep breath and lay there as I was being put to sleep, I knew
it would happen at any moment. I finally looked to my mother, and she smiled, that was all I
needed. I had all the confidence in the world. I closed my eyes as I listened to the beautiful
words being recited in a beautiful tone.

All the feelings I had felt in the build up to this operation were all of a sudden rushing through
me at once, nothing was clear in my mind. That was the time where I had to just calm down.
The last moment I could remember, was a nurse placing a breathing mask on my face as I
slowly drifted off to sleep.

The next time I opened my eyes there was chaos. I felt drowsy, I could not open my eyes
properly, I didn’t want to. Thoughts were running through my mind:

“Where was I?”

“Why am I lying on this bed?”

I was being pushed somewhere, there were a couple of people around me, I couldn’t make
out how many due to my drowsiness at the time, however rest assured those moments were
not great ones.

I could hear was a women’s voice as she said:

“Drink this, it will help.”

She was pushing this medicine into my mouth, it wasn’t the best time to be honest, but I
went with it. I was left for the next couple of hours to recover.

I stayed put on the bed for a few hours. The way the anaesthetic works is the patient feels
drowsy after such an operation, so I had to get up and prove to them I can walk and eat,
they would only let me leave to go home if I had proved this.
After having done so it was time to go home, I had successfully had the operation, but it was
not the end. The following week was filled with pain as the healing process commenced. But
I had to be patient. I just kept in my mind the thought of going back to normal life after the
week ends and all is back to how it was before.

I was welcomed by family and friends who congratulated me on bravery, I appreciated their
words, but I was waiting, counting each and every minute of each and every single day. I
could not wait to just return to normal.

The week had ended, and I should have felt the overwhelming feeling of happiness, right?
Wrong, because I had missed 2 long weeks of school, and as I returned I was greeted with
teachers, who at one point said:

“It’s your fault you have not done this work you have been away for 2 weeks.”

They say that about me, thinking I was on a holiday, relaxing, having a nice time. They say it
not knowing that for an entire week I was sat at home struggling in pain every time I tried to
talk.

The operation had passed, and it was time to get back to my life again. Yet I still found for so
many of the days up until now, I can see the images in my head, the images of those
children. All the disabilities and problems, I won’t forget how they were feeling. That is the
reality for many children day in and day out, to visit and constantly have operations.

I feel as if it is good for me to have this experience, because the next time I feel like I have a
right to complain about any situation in my life, I will always have that image in my mind of a
small 5 year old child with a terrible disability. And I hope that the image stays in my mind,
because although it is not a happy image, it will help me, to appreciate all that I have, and all
that I can do, as a blessing from god.