63 Ways to Build Self-Confidence

Confidence is a tool you can use in your

But not many people realise that their self-confidence works just like a muscle – it grows in
response to the level of performance required of it.   Either you use it or you lose it.   That’s why I’ve
given you 63 ways to grow your confidence so that you can become a giant.

1. Learning is a Good Thing, so sign up for that evening class and enjoy it.
2. Get out of your own head by asking your partner or best friend what you can do for them
today.
3. Hit the gym.  The physiological effects will leave you feeling great.
4. Go to a networking event and focus on how you can be helpful to other people rather than
being nervous about your own stuff.
5. Get crystal clear on the things that truly matter to you.  If they’re not in your life, you need to
bring them in.
6. Write a list of the things you’re tolerating and putting up with in your life, then write down
how you can remove, minimise or diminish each one.
7. Look at a great win or success you’ve experienced and give yourself credit for your part in
it.  Recognising your achievements is not egotistical, it’s healthy.
8. Next time you’re at a social event, don’t just stick with the people you know – go and have a
conversation with someone you don’t know and you never know what – or who – you’ll
discover.
9. Next time you talk yourself out of doing something (a party invite, a challenging project or
whatever else), say ‘What the Hell’ and go do it anyway.
10. Do one thing each day that makes you smile (on the inside or on the outside).
11. Look for the patterns of thought that take you to a place where you start second-guessing (*
1) or over-thinking (* 2).  Now imagine that your best friend went through exactly the same
thought process and ended up holding themselves back – what would you want to say to
them?
12. Ask out that girl or guy you fancy the pants off (only if you’re single, don’t want to get you
into trouble).
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13. You have to keep your mind well fed, so write a list of 20 things that keeps your mind
feeling nourished and make sure you’re giving them room in your life.
14. Stop playing different roles and squeezing yourself into boxes based on what you think
people expect you to act like.
15. Learn to catch yourself every single time you tell yourself that you can’t have, won’t get or
aren’t good enough to get what you want.
16. Take yourself off auto-pilot – make deliberate decisions on what really matters to you.
17. Next time you come up against a risk or a challenge, listen to what you tell yourself and look
for a way that that inner dialog can be improved.  Ask yourself, “What would make this
easier?”
18. Scared of looking silly? You and everyone else.  It’s no biggie so don’t let it stop you.  Say it
with me – “It just doesn’t matter.”
19. Don’t think for a second that you can’t be confident.  There are already loads of things you
do with natural self-confidence, you just have to notice them and get familiar with how it
feels.  Look for the things you do where the question of whether you’re confident enough
never arises.
20. Listen to your doubts but be ready to make deliberate decisions once you’ve heard them. 
Sometimes your doubts are there to let you know what you need to prepare for, so you can
use them to your benefit as you move forwards.
21. Think of a time when it felt like a whole bank of switches in your head flicked to the on
position and you were firing on all cylinders.  What were you doing and what’s the reason it
felt so great?
22. You’ve got a whole bunch of out-dated rules that determine what you do, don’t do, should do
and shouldn’t do.  These rules limit your thinking and limit your behaviour.  Tear up your
rule book and notice how free you are to make great decisions.
23. Do you get annoyed with yourself because you didn’t make the most of something or stepped
back form an opportunity?  Don’t beat yourself up because that’s just going to make you feel
worse.  Instead, be brutally honest and ask yourself what you gained from the situation and
what you lost out on.  Based on this win/lose balance, what’s a different choice you can make
next time?
24. If you’d already done everything in life you’d have no need to be scared.  Don’t ever think
that being scared means you’re not confident, it simply means you’re going somewhere new.
25. If there’s someone in your life who puts you down or makes you feel small, you owe it to
yourself to let them know that you expect something different from now on.  You deserve
better.
26. Flirt.  It’s a harmless way to play around with connecting with people and having fun.
27. Reveal a little bit of the real you in a relationship that might feel like it’s in a rut.
28. Acknowledge and welcome all of your experiences – the good stuff as well as the bad stuff. 
It’s all equally valid and hiding things away because you don’t like them is just creating
conflict.
29. Always recognise that you’re more than a match for any situation you might find yourself in,
no matter how tough the going gets.
30. Don’t get swept up in the drama of what’s happening right now, look for more useful ways
of engaging with what happens in your life.
31. Don’t automatically give in to the instant pay-off – it often means you’re selling yourself
short.
32. When you feel like stamping your foot and yelling “I deserve better than this!”, take a step
back and say “I can BE better than this.”
33. Confidence sometimes means admitting you’re wrong – always be ready to hold your hands
up and change your mind.
34. Trust your instincts.  They know what they’re talking about.
35. Fear is a way of letting you know that you’re about to stretch yourself and grow your
confidence.  That’s a good thing, so use it to take yourself forwards rather than run away.
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36. Imagine you’re visited by a successful, confident, attractive and vibrant version of you from
the future, a version of you who’s everything you hope to be.  What do they want to tell you?
37. Don’t feel like you have to do everything yourself – sometimes the most confident thing to
do is ask for help.
38. Take a chance on something tomorrow.  Anything, big or small, just take a chance.
39. You need to be around people who make you feel like YOU, so spend more time with the
people who support and encourage you and less with those who undermine you.
40. Stop struggling against the things you don’t like in your life – create a congruent
environment around you that flows and allows you to be you.
41. No man’s an island, and you need to be a part of the world you around to feel confident. 
What can you participate in that’s important to you?
42. Forget the pro’s and con’s – do something bold in the face of your challenges and fears.
43. Work on developing the skills you need to win at the things that matter to you.  What can
you practice that would radically improve your chances of winning?
44. The body is a mirror for the mind, so shifting your body into a confident state can have
surprising results.
45. Don’t get disheartened or demotivated when you get to 90% with something you’re working
on – push through and you’ll see that the last 10% is where the magic happens.
46. Keep comparing yourself to others?  Stop it, don’t try to validate yourself through
comparison – you’re just peachy as you are.
47. Put your head above the parapet at work and speak up if there’s something you think could
be improved or if you have an idea you think has legs.
48. If there’s something you’ve been struggling to understand for a while, stop trying to
understand it.  Accept it just as it is, fully and wholly.
49. Shy with new people?  Not a problem, there’s nothing wrong with being shy and it doesn’t
mean you’re not confident.  Just don’t overthink it, start beating yourself up or thinking
you’re less than because you’re shy – the more you think like that the worse it gets.
50. Your environment directly impacts your self-perception, so if you’re surrounded by clutter,
paperwork and rubbish put a morning aside to clean up your stuff and get organised.
51. Write yourself a list of the amazing things you’d love to do in your life, and make a start by
simply looking into the first one or two things that leap out at you.
52. Don’t make your happiness or self-worth dependent on being in a relationship or
being validated by someone else.  Find your inherent value first, and your relationships and
confidence will be immeasurably better.
53. Your strengths can be used to overcome any of your weaknesses.  We all have weaknesses
but they only undermine your confidence if you let them.
54. The longer you leave that big thing on your to-do list the more it’ll drain you and the bigger
it’ll seem – get it done and free yourself up.
55. What golden threads, themes, patterns and passions have always been in your life?  If those
things aren’t present in your life right now, you need to shift your priorities.
56. Your body image does matter, because if you have a bad relationship with your body you
won’t be feeling confident in yourself.  Get trim if you need to, just make sure you get along
with your body.
57. Being confident is an ongoing process.  It isn’t a goal or an end-point that you reach and then
stop.  Keep playing to the best of your ability and your confidence will always be there to
support you.
58. Try a new path.  The well-trodden paths of your life can easily turn from familiarity to
apathy and disconnection.  A new path wakes you up.
59. Don’t say “Yes” to taking on a task simply because you don’t want to rock the boat – you
can politely decline requests you can’t meet and don’t need to create an excuse for it.
60. Look at the people you respect who seem confident – don’t copy them, but identify what it is
they do differently that conveys confidence and what you can learn from it.

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61. Make a plan to do something, then make deliberate choices to follow through.  Seeing
progress gives you important self-reinforcement.
62. When you feel yourself focusing inwards and becoming paralysed with doubt or fear, switch
to focusing outwards at what you can engage and interact with.
63. Still beating yourself up for failing or screwing up? It might not be a barrel of laughs but it’s
not going to help you get through it.  Much better to recognise that everything, whether it
turns out or not, is how you practice living a rich life

(* 2) How to Stop Being an Over-Thinker

Some people think themselves into stagnation, frustration, exhaustion, anxiety and even illness.
They have an aptitude for making the simple, complex, the easy, hard, the minor issue, a major
drama and the pain-less, pain-full. They are adept at snatching defeat from the jaws of victory
and also at wasting their time and talent through age-old art of over-analysing everything and
everyone; analysis paralysis. They are experts at misinterpreting what people are saying and if
there is a way to have their feelings hurt, they’ll find it. Even go looking for it. Not only do they
have a history of almost doing things but more often than not they are obsessive, compulsive
with perfectionistic tendencies. They worry too much. About nearly everything. They are people-
pleasers who want change (different) but the change process scares them. They don’t need other
people to sabotage their dreams or goals, they can do that all by themselves. They are highly
skilled in the art of self-sabotage and if anyone will get in their way, it’s them. They are… the
Over-Thinker.

So, if you identify with any of the above, then you probably inhabit the cerebral landscape
somewhere between casual Over-Thinker and chronic Over-Thinker. Here’s a few tips to help
you deal with your Over-Thinking-Ness (a word). (Now).

1. Stop waiting for perfection (perfect timing, perfect conditions) before you do what you know
you should have done long ago. Being ambitious is great but aiming for perfection is unrealistic,
impractical and debilitating. Aim for constant improvement and consciously and methodically
work towards positive change where you need it most.

2. Don’t assume. Don’t act on hunches, act on facts.

3. Be more proactive; do stuff! Get out of the theory and into the practical. Now! Do at least
one thing each day every day that will get you closer to where you want to be. Even if it scares
you. Especially if it scares you. To steal someone else’s book title, “Feel the Fear and Do it
Anyway.” Don’t let fear hijack your potential or run your life (into the ground).

4. Ask yourself the right type of questions; the ones which will put you (mentally) in a
positive, practical, productive and solution-focused head space. Acknowledge the problem but be
all about the solution. Consciously find the good.

5. Have a sounding board (coach, friend, mentor, relative); someone who will provide you with
relevant, meaningful, specific, unemotional feedback – you can’t be objective about you. Make
sure it’s someone who will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.

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6. In order to consistently and consciously move from mediocre to amazing, create a plan and
totally commit to it. Don’t give yourself an escape clause. Identify and commit to your non-
negotiable behaviours.

7. Stop rationalising, justifying and explaining what you’re not doing. Try honesty, it’s quite
effective. And liberating.

8. Keep a Success Diary (wanky name but great concept). Journaling your thoughts, decisions,
behaviours and results is a great way to keep perspective, stay focused and motivated and to de-
emotionalise the change process. It’s also a good way for you to learn what works – for you.

9. Get out of your thoughts. Eckhart Tolle talks about finding that very quiet, relaxing and
beautiful space beyond our thoughts. The place where peace, calm, joy and freedom live. This is
something which needs to be worked on but with practice you’ll be able to do it almost anywhere
at any time. We don’t know how hard it is to stop thinking until we try. And the irony is that
moving beyond our thoughts is not really about trying but about letting go. Of the chaos. The
mind can be an exhausting place and sometimes we need a holiday from it. If you struggle with
this concept, start by losing yourself in some of your favourite music

. Step out of your mind and into the music; away from the cerebral and into the creative. The
spiritual. The non-thinker. If you’re interested in exploring and understanding this concept more,
check out Eckhart Tolle’s book the Power of Now. It’s kind of heavy going (possibly weird
depending on where you’re at) but well worth it if you can persevere and digest his words
thoughtfully.

10. With all the thoughts traveling around in your head, some of them should be evicted,
others are stuck and are too scared to come out. See your brain’s thoughts as one massive
Apartment Block. Let’s look at Level 2 of your Apartment Block … as you walk down the
corridor, you hear the ol’ crazy woman behind Apt 22 “you should have done it this way
stuuupid…”. Further down is the chatterbox in Apt 28 who always has her door open and jumps
out and distracts you, just as you’re trying to get somewhere. At the end of the corridor is Mr
Gotnothingbettertodo who without fail stops you dead in your tracks “if you only saw how silly
you looked you’ve never do that again!”. These trouble-making tenants are in fact those thoughts
that interupt your driving forces and freeze you with guilt, anxiety and reasons to keep us still.
These tenants are really easy to spot, haven’t paid rent in years, are up to no good and are
causing trouble to all the other (good) tenants. These tenants must be evicted – effective
immediately!

Start right now – select the most disturbing tenant you know is doing you no good and hand
deliver your notice NOW! Get in that elevator, press the button to the floor that you know you
keep avoiding.. and march to their door with confidence and hand deliver that notice. If they
don’t co-operate, grab them by the ankles and toss them out. These tenants have been settled for
a long time and know how to persuade you – so don’t give in! Remember, you have other
fantastic tenants there that will be right by your side to support you in this mass evacuation.

This will make room for new, inspirational tenants. Make this Apartment Block your own –
bring it back to life, create activities for your community, put in groovy carpet, bring in leafy
plants, put in a bar upstairs with 24/7 feel good music (next to the brain spa and indoor pool) –
even renovate a complete level and turn it into a brain haven where your tenants can go to put
their feet up and recuperate. It’s your Apartment Block – the possibilities are endless!