Diane W. Hawkins, M.A.

Restoration in Christ Ministries

PO Box 479
Grottos, VA 24441-0479
540-298-2272
Restoration_in_Christ@[Link]
1995- 2003

Support Issues

I. Introduction

A. The value of support

Because DID therapy is a complex, extended, and difficult journey, having support along the
way is extremely beneficial to survivors. Clinicians also report that survivors who have a
support network progress more quickly in therapy. So not only does it feel good, but it also
enhances the healing process in many ways.
1. Support is beneficial in laying a foundation for healing, providing the opportunity to:
a. Rebuilding trust
1) This has usually been shattered in abuse victims.
2) It is absolutely essential for effective therapy
b. Increasing ego strength (the capacity to handle difficult things), motivation, and
courage.
Sometimes a survivor may need to be in a meaningful support relationship building
these things before being ready to begin therapy.
2. Support is beneficial in aiding the healing process, providing:
a. The opportunity to process issues outside of the therapy session.
b. A safe place in which to open the wounds of the past so they can be healed.
c. A source of unconditional love, which is a crucial ingredient in the healing process.
3. Support is beneficial in providing valuable mentoring in areas that may be weak in the
survivors life because of growing up in a dysfunctional home.
1) Personal, domestic, or trade skills
2) Creative expression
a) Music
b) Crafts
c) Other hobbies
3) Physical and emotional self-care
a) Nutrition
b) Exercise
c) Relaxation
d) Self-nurture
e) Healthy boundary setting
4) Character qualities
a) Integrity
b) Responsibility
c) Accountability
d) Discipline
 B. Essential qualities for a supporter
1. Basic understanding of the dynamics of DID (and RA, if necessary)
Sources:
a. Literature
b. Seminars
c. Survivor
2. Availability of time
The amount of time required varies somewhat depending upon the type of support being
offered as well as the function level and stability of the survivor.
3. Good emotional health
a. Not carrying heavy emotional burdens
Even those who consider themselves healthy should be warned that entering a support
relationship can often bring forward ones own unresolved issues.
b. Not codependent
c. Able to set and maintain healthy boundaries
Because survivors have had their boundaries violated so much, they often have no idea
where boundaries should be placed. Therefore, you will have to set them.
d. Comfortable with emotions and abuse issues
4. Good spiritual health
a. Strong faith in God and His character
b. Vital prayer life
1) Well grounded in the principles of effective prayer
2) Able to draw upon Gods strength, wisdom, and grace
c. Good grasp of spiritual warfare dynamics
5. Good moral integrity
6. Good interpersonal skills
a. Compassionate
b. Sensitive
1) Survivors have deep emotional wounds which are easily opened by insensitive
remarks and actions.
2) They have protector alters who are super-sensitive to any perception of
mistreatment and may emerge to handle such situations in unpleasant ways.
3) They have many seemingly irrational fears and peculiar reactions to innocuous
things, which you will have to sensitive to as you get to know them.
4) They have many alters with distorted, limited, and negative perspectives of life
who need to be treated sensitively while being helped to see life in a different way.
c. Good listener
d. Able to maintain objectivity
7. Willing to learn, grow, and be stretched

II. Building Trust

A. Need for understanding

1. Trust doesnt come easy when you were repeatedly hurt by those you trusted as a child.
a. Developing any kind of close relationship with another person can be scary for
an abuse survivor.
b. Learning to trust again may come slowly.
 c. Learning to trust again is necessary for healing.
2. Abuse survivors carry baggage from the past in evaluating trustworthiness.
a. Deeply impressed convictions
1) Bad guys can dress well, talk smoothly, and give out candy.
a) They rarely trust external appearances alone.
b) They usually have developed a keen radar for reading people at a deep
internal level.
2) Actions are a much more reliable indicator of reality than words. Survivors must
often be convinced that your actions match your words before they will trust your
words alone.
b. Heightened sensitivity to any characteristic reminiscent of abuser
1) Physical characteristics
2) Mannerisms
3) Character flaws
Most survivors can eventually get past certain superficial reminders, such as hair
color or specific mannerisms, but character flaws are much more serious.

B. Need for trustworthy character

This is of heightened importance to abuse survivors because of how deeply they were hurt
by those lacking in character.
1. Absolute integrity
a. Honesty
b. Dependability
2. Consistency
3. Openness
4. Acknowledgment of mistakes
This is how you redeem yourself when you fall short of the sometimes unreasonable
performance standard the survivor may set for you. Acknowledging mistakes is very
Impressive to survivors as none of their abusers ever did that.
5. Non-judgmental acceptance of all alters
a. Every alter serves a protective purpose, helping the person survive an overwhelming
situation. They deserve to be understood not judged. When you get beneath the surface
of seemingly obnoxious alters and learn the role they played in the persons survival,
you can usually come to appreciate them in a new way.
b. Judgment enhances internal conflict and the need for ongoing dissociation.
c. Judgment closes the door of opportunity for influencing change in their perspectives
and behaviors.
d. Accepting all alters helps the survivor do the same, which is critical f or removing the
dissociation.

III. Emotional Support

A. The survivor s gallery of emotions

Because there was no opportunity to express or process these emotions as they arose, they
usually remain sequestered in the inner recesses of survivors minds and the cells of their
physical bodies.
 1. Painover unspeakable betrayals
2. Rageat unthinkable cruelties
3. Terrorof ever-looming, unpredictable cataclysms
4. Griefover irretrievable losses
5. Shamefrom deplorable acts of humiliation
6. Guiltover forced acts of immorality

B. Confusion about Emotions

1. Their manner of expression
a. Survivor feels no emotions.
1) This is usually because of how completely they were repressed or dissociated
into other alters.
2) As part of the healing journey they will need to be accessed and addressed so
they can no longer affect and damage the survivor in insidious ways.
b. Survivor exhibits intense, seemingly inappropriate, emotions. This is usually due
to one of the following:
1) The unresolved emotions from the past are latching onto current events to get
a chance for release.
2) The emotion-bearing alters are periodically emerging.
c. Survivor feels whispering ghosts of emotions.
1) A nebulous cloud of gloom
2) An almost constant irritability
3) A tendency to cry easily or for no apparent reason
These are shadows of what lies in an amplified state deeper within.
d. Transference
1) The redirection of feelings and desires ... unconsciously retained from
childhood toward a new object (e.g. therapist, spouse) (Webster)
2) When you cant logically understand a survivors actions or reactions to you,
she may be transplanting onto you:
a) Her unresolved feelings towards:
(1) A childhood perpetrator
(2) A non-protecting parent
b) Her unfulfilled desires for the perfect parent she never had
2. Their appropriateness
a. Survivors have been literally brainwashed by powerful messages and
conditioning they received as children regarding their emotions.
1) They may have been taught control over emotions is a virtue or an indicator
of strength.
2) They may have been extremely shamed or punished for expressing
emotions.
3) They may have been deliberately conditioned to reflect no emotions
regardless of what they experience, which is often the case when child
pornography or ritual abuse is involved.
b. They need to have their false beliefs about truth exchanged for truth.
1) Emotions are a normal part of everyones life.
2) Emotions can never be judged as immoral.
 3) Emotions represent powerful energy which must be released or they can
cause harmful results in ones lives.
a) Psychosomatic problems
b) Inappropriate outbursts which adversely affect relationships
c. Support people can play a major role in this.
1) Repeatedly giving permission to feel emotions
2) Validating the emotions which are expressed

C. Healing emotional pain

1. Ongoing emotional pain is rooted in the beliefs or messages the child carried away from the
traumatic event.
a. Examples
1) I am unlovable.
2) I dont matter
3) I am dirty, contaminated.
4) I am owned by my perpetrator(s).
5) I am powerless.
These simple messages can leave a profound, lifelong impact on a survivors life.
b. Sources of misinterpretation:
1) Childrens inherent lack of mature cognitive skills
2) Deliberate manipulation of perception by the cult
a) Drugs
b) Hypnotic techniques
c) Other illusionary tactics
2. When truth replaces false beliefs, it brings instant and powerful healing.
a. Trace the pain back to its originating memory.
b. In that context identify the messages which were believed because of the event.
c. Re-examine the truth of the belief
We have found that this is often best done by simply asking Jesus if the message is true
and seeing what He will reveal to the person. Healing truth can come from other
sources too:
1) Carefully chosen Scripture
It will only bring healing if it speaks to the exact nature of the belief a survivor
should not feel compelled to respond positively to a Scripture passage chosen
by the therapist if it is not truly targeting the need.
2) Adult rationality
It is very important that the belief be identified in the emotional context of the
memory at the developmental level of the child at the time. Adult rationality
can then sometimes address that irrational child-level belief For instance, a
child may believe that she is powerless or that God has abandoned her while an
adult part is able to point out instances since then when they acted very
powerful or when God did indeed show He cared or provided a definite need.
When this perspective enlightens the child, the lie believed may vanish.
3) The Core or another alter
Because dissociation deprives many identities from full knowledge of the persons
history, sometimes just having one identity fill in a blank spot in another identitys
memory can bring the necessary truth for healing.
4) Any recognized authority
 This must be an authority recognized by the part of the person needing truth.

D. Specific emotions
1. Anger (See Anger, Hate, and Forgiveness lecture.)
2. Guilt
a. Sources of guilt
1) Children who are sexually abused often believe that they are the ones to blame for
what happened. This often contributes to their not telling anyone about it.
a) Sometimes perpetrators drill this into them
b) Often they assume this on their own.
2) Guilt can be compounded for ritual abuse survivors who are forced to perpetrate
cruel, inhumane, and even criminal acts on others.
When these memories surface, it is an exceptionally critical time for a survivor to
have support from someone who can delicately balance validating her feelings while
also providing a sense of objectivity.
b. Addressing Guilt
1) Help the survivor discern where true responsibility for evil, hurtful acts lies.
a) They are not responsible for actions they were forced or manipulated into
performing.
b) The one forcing the action is the guilty one.
2) Help the survivor verbalize her beliefs about her guilt. Then ask God to speak truth
to her beliefs. (He told one survivor she was as innocent as the knife!)
3) Help ritual abuse survivors recognize how guilt-provoking acts were deliberately
used to manipulate and control them.
a) To create intolerable conflicts and emotions that would compel the need for
denial and dissociation
b) To blackmail them into obedience and silence
Perpetrators get a lot of leverage out of forcing children to commit criminal
acts and then threatening, If you tell what we did, well tell what you did
and youll go to jail!

3. Fear
a. Fear is by far the most powerful emotion used for manipulation and control by abusers.
Cult perpetrators are masters at creating terrifying situations in order to:
1) Produce dissociation
2) Establish control
3) Lock programming in place
b. As a result, fear becomes inordinately attached to anything once associated with the
abuse or the cult.
1) Certain animals, birds, or insects
2) Objects or symbols
3) Weather conditions occurring at the time of the abuse
4) Certain behaviors
a) Not doing it right
b) Saying No
5) Activities occurring at cult gatherings
a) Chanting
 b) Bonfires
c) Swaying to music
d) Sitting in a circle
6) Locations used for cult meetings
a) Woods
b) Barns
c) Mines
d) Caves
Because they were implanted in survival-threatening situations, they are very
difficult to erase.
[Link] fears are triggered:
1) Treat the survivor with gentle understanding, comfort, and reassurance.
2) Try to point out the differences between the present situation and the past.
3) Identify beliefs underlying the fear and bring truth to them.
4) Use spiritual warfare to disconnect any demons augmenting the fear.
d. Recognize that fear can also be a foothold empowering demonic activity. Therefore,
encourage survivors to try to overcome their fears.
e. If the memories in which the fears are rooted have not been uncovered, it will be
virtually impossible to resolve the fear in any rational manner.

E. Processing current life experiences

1. Sharing frustrations of daily living
Everyday life can be a little more complicated for multiples because of the dissociation,
the programming, and the emotionally upsetting nature of therapy.
[Link]-personal relationships
1) Family of origin
a) If they were involved in the abuse, the survivor will carry immensely
powerful and conflicting emotions regarding them. She may also struggle
with how safe it is for her to have contact with them.
b) If they were not involved in the abuse, the extent to which they believe and
support the survivor can have a critical impact on her.
2) Marital family
Major issues of concern here are:
a) The degree of support received from the spouse
b) The safety of the children
c) The extent of the diagnosis to share with the children
d) Grief over the difficulties the survivor causes for those she loves the most.
b. Work related issues
c. Home management issues
2. Providing perspective
a. Distorted perceptions due to divided life experience and memory
1) This can potentially lead to:
a) Wrong conclusions
b) Unnecessary emotional upheavals
2) Sometimes another person with a more objective perspective can turn a
mountain into a molehill rather quickly.
3) Occasionally alters can be extremely convinced that their perspective is
 absolutely right, however. In these cases it may take the combined input of several
external people who agree on their view of the situation to convince the alter that
she isnt seeing the whole picture.
b. Emotional overreactions due to unresolved issues from the past
Survivors often have difficulty recognizing when their emotional reaction is being
amplified because of their unresolved issues from the past.

IV. Protective Support

This entails providing protection for survivors when they may be in physical danger. Self harm,
suicidality, and cult retaliation are quite common with ritual abuse survivors particularly.

A. Suicidality
All threats of suicide must be taken seriously. However, the unique dynamics of DID and ritual
abuse must also be kept in mind. Rarely does the whole system want to die. Therefore, try to
find out who wants to die and why.

1. Human dynamics
a. An alter desires to die.
1) Other identities who are highly committed to life will often counterbalance the drive
for death.
2) Frequently the issue driving a sudden suicidal urge can be resolved rather quickly
simply by providing an alter with a distorted perception a more complete view of reality.
b. A primary identity wants to die.
1) This situation is more critical as other identities may not be strong enough to
overpower the desire of a primary identity.
2) Seek to identify and challenge the underlying beliefs driving the desire for death.
Often bringing truth to a false belief can resolve the situation.

2. Introjected dynamics
A trained person is usually required to address the dynamics of programming and/or
demonization, which may be involved in driving suicide in a ritual abuse survivor.
a. Programming may be enacted whenever:
1) Compliance and control by the cult is jeopardized
2) Predetermined dates for self-sacrifice are reached
b. Demons
1) Can be used to enforce suicide programming
2) Can seemingly pursue their own interests
a) If they fear they are about to be expelled
b) If their assigned task is about to fail completely
It seems to be demoralizing to demons if they are expelled without
accomplishing their assignments.
3) Cannot superimpose their will over that of a Christian, but can try to impel
suicide by:
a) Injecting compulsive, morbid thoughts
b) Inflicting intense psychic torment
Always seek professional help if the desire for suicide cannot be quickly resolved.
B. Self-harm
1. Human strategies
a. A means to strengthen the dissociative barriers when the system feels threatened
b. A means by which persecutor alters, who have identified with the abusers, punish or
warn other alters whom they believe:
1) Are not performing right or
2) Are considering disobedience to the cult agenda.
c. A means by which protector alters warn other alters that they are in danger of much
greater punishment by the perpetrator if they do not shape up.
d. A silent means to release powerful emotions that an alter believes can be discharged in
no other way.
e. A way of not feeling so utterly powerless in an otherwise overpowering situation.
f. An attempt to convert intense emotional pain into physical painwhich seems more
bearable.
g. A means of causing an adrenaline release to bring a change in mental state.
2. Role of demons
Just as the demonized man of the Gaderenes cut himself with stones, demons can drive
alters to self-mutilate or otherwise injure the body.
a. Working in conjunction with persecutor or controller alters to inflict punishment on
disobedient alters.
b. Reacting to spiritual warfare when they cant leave because the legal grounds for their
attachment have not been renounced yet

C. Cult access
When the survivor is being accessed by cult members, she may also need protective measures to be
taken by her supporters, especially during Satanic holidays.

D. Options for providing safety

When the issues driving self-harm or suicide cannot be resolved quickly, survivors may need help in
being kept safe until whatever is precipitating the crisis can be resolved.
1. Hospitalization
a. Survivors need insurance or significant financial resources.
b. Very few hospitals recognize and address both the psychological and spiritual dynamics
involved.
c. An untrained staff can be abusive to alter-identities if they dont understand DID.
2. Around the clock companionship

V. Spiritual Support

A. Prayer needs
1. Courage for the survivor to face and own the truth
2. Discernment of truth from deception
3. Success in resolving programming
4. Success in recognizing and eliminating demonic footholds
5. Guidance for the therapist
6. Spiritual protection for the survivor and those helping him/her
7. Adequate social and emotional support for the survivor and his/her family
 8. Adequate finances for therapy and the daily living needs of the survivor

B. Spiritual Warfare Needs

Spiritual warfare involves directly confronting the forces of evil in the power and authority of the
name and blood of Jesus Christ to command their obedience.
1. General
a. Removing spiritual blindness from alters in bondage to Satan
b. Prohibiting demons from blocking truth or interfering with therapy
c. Stopping demonically driven fear, anxiety, confusion, torment, or self-harm
d. Stopping demonic communication between the survivor and other cult members
[Link] spiritual protection
1) Whenever contact with cult-involved family members is necessary or possible
2) During Satanic holidays when accessing is likely
2. During therapy sessions
When spiritual warriors can be present in the therapy sessions, they can track along with the
therapy and engage in spiritual warfare as needed to:
a. Unmasking deceptive demonic imagery
b. Binding demons from hearing and responding in any harmful way
c. Binding demons from blocking truth and healing
d. Binding demons that prohibit alters from speaking
e. Binding demons from blocking access to significant memories or alters
f. Binding demons from hindering alters from hearing Gods voice of truth
g. Binding demons from interfering as alters remember and renounce the legal grounds
which provide their attachment (oaths, vows, covenants, sacrifices, etc.)
h. Casting out demons once their legal grounds are renounced

C. Discipleship
1. Modeling a godly life
This is something that can occur naturally throughout your relationship with a survivor.
2. Bible study
a. Timing
You have to be sensitive about the timing because in some survivors, if its done
prematurely, it may precipitate severe torture or punishment internally. Some cannot
handle attending church for the same reason. If the survivor tells you this is happening,
dont try to force them. As therapy progresses, the internal opposition will generally
lessen, and the system will be better able to handle it.
b. Topics
1) The true nature of God
2) His magnificent promises
3) The privileges and responsibilities of being His child
4) The importance of faith and prayer in relating to Him
5) The truth about sin and forgiveness
6) The principles of effective spiritual warfare

[Link] Support
This support need will vary greatly from survivor to survivor.
A. Financial aid
1. For therapy
 2. For living expenses
B. Assistance in tasks
Frequent switching can make it difficult for some survivors to accomplish certain necessary
tasks on time. Needed support in this area will vary greatly from survivor to survivor.
1. Shopping
2. Paying bills
3. Doctors appointments
Having a trusted companion along can be extremely helpful for these occasions for the
following reasons:
a. Doctors visits can be particularly stressful for survivors, making them more prone to
switching, which can:
1) Be embarrassing to the survivor,
2) Be confusing for the doctor,
3) Make the Host miss hearing critical information.
b. Child alters may need reassurance that no abuse will take place.

C. Special Needs
Sometimes survivors may be unable or unsafe to drive or live alone and may need temporary
help with:
1. Transportation
2. A place to live
a. Inviting a survivor to live with you needs considerable forethought and prayer.
b. It is not recommended if:
1) Children are in the home, especially young children.
2) Anyone else with emotional problems or unpredictable behavior is in the
home.
3) You are unable to set and maintain healthy boundaries.
c. If you do decide to invite a survivor to live in your home, try to think of as many
potential problems as possible ahead of time and establish:
1) Specific boundaries and rules
2) Types of behavior that will instantly terminate the arrangement
3) Goals that will graduate the person back to independent living
4) Reasonable time intervals at which to re-evaluate the arrangement
d. Avoid creating an environment that will make it more appealing to the survivor to
remain in a dependent state rather than to work for healing.

VII. Therapeutic Support

I believe that devoted, knowledgeable lay people can sometimes be involved in the therapy
process. While it is not the most ideal situation, it is the only way some survivors are going to get
help. Furthermore, most clinicians did not learn what they know about this diagnosis in their
professional training programs.

A. Capacity
1. Assisting a professional counselor
2. Serving as the primary facilitator
B. Reasons
1. The often-prohibitive price of professional counseling
2. The shortage of knowledgeable professionals to handle the number of ritual abuse
 survivors seeking help

C. Educational Resources
1. Survivors
2. Published literature
3. Seminars
4. Consultations with experienced clinicians
5. Networking

D. Requirements
1. Commitment to difficult, complex, and often demanding work
2. A substantial investment of time
a. In learning
b. In working with the survivor
3. A significant amount of stamina
a. Physically
b. Emotionally
c. Spiritually
4. The leading of God

VIII. Support Versus Care taking

No matter what role you assume in supporting a survivor, it is of utmost importance that you not
fall into the trap of codependency. While survivors need good Christian love more than
anything, it must be given in a way that is truly helpful and doesnt perpetuate their staying in a
victim role.

A. You must set and maintain proper boundaries from the beginning.
1. Dont assume that things will all work out in a natural manner. With deeply wounded
individuals, it wont.
2. Dont bend your boundaries in response to anger or feelings of rejection in the survivor.
3. Remember you in a role to model proper boundary setting for the survivor, which she
really needs to learn for successful living.

B. Keep the focus on empowering the survivor rather than fostering greater dependence.
1. Dont take on care of survivors that they can provide for themselves.
2. Dont allow the survivors sense of self and well being to be focused on you.
3. Keep the primary responsibility for recovery on the survivor.
4. Dont make being a dependent multiple more appealing than getting well.

C. Dont try to become substitute parents for child alters.

Help them grieve what they did not receive as children in the way of adequate parenting and
learn to care for themselves as adults.

Dont be a rescuer because that puts the survivor back into the victim role.