Student

Learning WRITING STYLE

Centre
Academic writing requires a level of clarity and precision that makes repeated editing essential. This brochure
describes some aspects of good writing style and will give you practice at editing sentences to improve their style.

TONE
Academic writing sounds different to more casual writing because it:
is usually impersonal and unemotional
uses precise vocabulary and complicated nouns
uses passive voice more often than informal writing does
often has longer sentences than informal writing does

Note: Academic writing usually avoids the pronouns 'I' and 'we', but some disciplines allow more personal
language than others, e.g. in introductions and conclusions but not in the body of papers. It is a good idea
to check what is expected in your specific context.
Academic Writing: Informal Writing:
Research has shown a relationship between vitamin A and cancer, We believe vitamin A and cancer may be linked, but we
but the exact nature of the connection has yet to be determined. havent worked out exactly what it is yet.
Impersonal: Research has shown Personal: We believe.

PRACTICE
1. Rewrite these sentences without personal pronouns.
a) When we study coal production, we find these figures.
b) With this evidence I have proved my hypothesis that reading out loud is an effective editing strategy.
.
Precise vocabulary: Vague words:

a relationship a link
the exact nature of the connection exactly what it is

Complicated nouns: Precise vocabulary:

a relationship between vitamin A and cancer vitamin A and cancer may have a link

PRACTICE
2. Rewrite these sentences as nouns (things) in the new sentences:
a) She spoke recently about poverty. ___________________________was thought provoking.
b) The patient recovered quickly. ______________________surprised the doctor.

Note: Academic writing only uses complicated vocabulary to make meaning clearer, not to sound more
important. (see section on Improving Clarity.)
Passive voice: has been determined Active voice:havent worked out
Note: Academic writing does not always use passive voice. Like informal writing, it uses active voice when the
actor doing an action is important. However, in academic writing passive voice is more frequent because
the person or thing doing an action is often irrelevant it is the action itself that is important.
IMPROVING CONCISENESS
Some academic writing is unnecessarily complicated, but good academic writing is as simple and as short as
possible. To make your writing more concise:
choose short words or phrases rather than long ones
delete unnecessary words
shorten wordy constructions
Writing Style 11/2012 SLC 1 of 6
 In my opinion, rapid driving would seem
Concise: Fast driving is dangerous. Too complicated:
to be very dangerous.

Short words: Long words: Short word/phrase: Long phrase:

Fast Rapid Apparently It would thus appear

Meet Encounter By By means of

Often Frequently About In reference to

Best Optimal To For the purpose of / In order to

Main Predominant Due to the fact that / As a consequence of /

Because
Later Subsequently For the reason that

Use short words/phrases whenever they are specific enough for your meaning. Use long words / phrases only if there
is no shorter way to express the same meaning.

No unnecessary words: Meaningless phrases:

Fast driving is dangerous In my opinion, fast driving is dangerous.
X is Y It was found that X is Y.
X is Y What I want to make clear is that X is Y.
X is Y The fact of the matter is that X is Y.
X is Y All things being equal, X is Y.
X should do Y It is recommended that X should do Y.
X is Y At the end of the day, X is Y.

No unnecessary words Redundant words No unnecessary words Unnecessary negative

Dangerous Very dangerous Large Large in size

Reason Reason why Likely Not unlikely
Perfect Absolutely perfect Considerate Not inconsiderate
Surrounded Completely surrounded Reject Do not accept
Proof Conclusive proof Exclude Did not include
Green Green in colour Different Not the same

Check your writing for words that you can delete without changing the meaning.

Shorter version: Longer construction:

Smoking may cause cancer. It is possible that smoking causes cancer.

Vitamin A and cancer are linked. There is a link between vitamin A and cancer.

It is hard to determine who should be considered needy. The question of who is to be considered needy is hard to answer.

Shorter active version: Unnecessary passive:

The partners broke the agreement. The agreement was broken by the partners.

The department needs data so it can determine how to timely basis when weather Data is needed so that a determination of redirection is permitted on a
conditions change. redirect resources when weather conditions change.

Policy makers have not considered how free chloride or other gases might cause The ways free chloride or other gases might cause health hazards to
health hazards to personnel. personnel has not been considered by the policy makers.

Writing Style 11/2012 SLC 2 of 6

Look for complicated constructions in your writing and, whenever possible, rewrite them more simply.

PRACTICE
3. Choose a short word from the list to replace the underlined word or phrase in each sentence:

about during help change because

a) The subjects illness caused a variation in mood.

b) I would be happy to facilitate the group.
c) In view of the fact that the budget is limited, applications for funding must be considered carefully.
d) The presentation with regard to management styles was very entertaining.
e) In the course of my scholarship, I hope to travel to Uluru.

4. Delete any unnecessary words in these sentences.

a) It should be noted that this behaviour can be unlearnt.
b) The floods in the Philippines were a serious crisis.
c) As a matter of fact, Liao agrees with Dominquez.
d) Immunisation programs do not completely eliminate diseases.
e) An equitable solution is not impossible.

5. Rewrite these sentences using shorter constructions.

a) The committee has no expectation that it will meet the deadlines.
b) A system must be established by the department so that data on weather conditions and fuel consumption
may be gathered on a regular basis.
c) A review was done of the regulations.
d) It is possible that the driver braked too late.

IMPROVING CLARITY

Some academic writing is unnecessarily abstract or vague, but good academic writing chooses words carefully to make
meaning clear. Even if your grammar is perfect, if you use the wrong words people will not understand your writing. To
make your writing as clear as possible, choose words for their exact meaning and rewrite any sentences that could be
misinterpreted.

Clear meaning: Can be misinterpreted:

Store managers will meet next month to plan an A group in the future will discuss options for store management style
approach to store management. improvement.

Meaningful words: Vague words:

Store managers, next month, plan A group in the future will discuss options for store management style
improvement.
Nguyens results were surprising / unusual / enlightening Nguyens results were interesting.
High quality / well behaved good
Arrive / attend / approach come
Custom / technique / route way

Writing Style 11/2012 SLC 3 of 6

Clearer words: Words dont match context:
The teacher showed the new book to the class. The teacher demonstrated the new book to the class.

The technician demonstrated how to operate the spectrophotometer. The technician revealed how to operate the spectrophotometer.

The model removed his coat to reveal an elegant dinner suit. The model removed his coat to exhibit an elegant dinner suit.

She exhibited the mineral specimens at the conference. She showed the mineral specimens at the conference.

Use a thesaurus to look for words, but check for example sentences in a dictionary to see which word best matches
your meaning and context.
Clear meaning: Confusing order of ideas:
In the future, a group will discuss management styles. A group in the future will discuss management styles.
I have talked with my colleagues about stocking the zoo. I have talked about stocking the zoo with my colleagues.
An old piano with bow legs is wanted by an experienced man. An old piano is wanted by and experienced man with bow legs.
A very young Humphrey Bogart stars in Casablanca, my favourite My favourite movie, Casablanca, starring a very young Humphrey
movie, which has recently been translated into Swahili. Bogart, has recently been translated into Swahili.
Clear meaning: Confusing compound nouns:
a new approach to management store management style improvement

Misdiagnosis of disordered thought in early childhood is a problem.

Early childhood thought disorder misdiagnosis is a problem.
OR Early misdiagnosis of childhood thought is a problem.

PRACTICE
6. Replace the crossed-out words in these sentences with words that are clearer or more meaningful. (Hints: carefully,
claim, public, stages, writing)
a) Accountants should write letters well .
b) There are many things involved in doing an assignment.
c) Andersen was the first to maintain that metal could be refined using electricity.
d) The populations often doesnt know what their local politician is doing.

7. Rearrange these sentences putting related ideas close together:

a) He has given many lectures on controlling the flow of gases to engineers.

Rearranged: ...

b) Peace, beyond the experience of many people in the world, living in war-torn countries, is a luxury.

Rearranged: .
8. Rewrite these compound nouns to make them easier to read:

a) The university has a new international student skills program.

Rearranged:.

b) Further research should investigate medication maintenance level evaluation procedures.

Rearranged:..
Writing Style 11/2012 SLC 4 of 6
IMPROVING FOCUS

Some academic writing goes around in circles. Good academic writing gets straight to the point. To make writing as
focused as possible, carefully choose which ideas are most important in the following sentences and make those
ideas main subjects and verbs:
The gun lobbyists were successful in preventing the legislature from Senator
Gun lobbyists prevention of bill passing
Smiths gun control bill.

Senator Smith introduced a gun control bill, though the strong gun lobby prevented
Smiths introduction of bill lobby
its passage.

Focused sentences: Unfocused sentences:

According to a recent study, pedestrians passing on a Pedestrians passing on a crowded street will give more space to a woman
crowded street will give more space to a woman than a man. than to a man. This was shown in a recent study.
I have been studying the effects of crowding on the behaviour
I have been studying mice and the effects of crowding on their behaviour.
of mice.
These regulations, which are intended for implementation without requiring
We describe these regulations in the next section. They will
police authorities to increase man power or expenditure although there may
be implemented without increasing manpower or tribunal
be some modest increases in expenditure by the police tribunal, are
expenditure.
described in the next section.

PRACTICE

9. Combine or rewrite these sentences to make them more focused:

a) The tapestries were hanging on the wall. They were abstract yet beautiful.

b) Officers appointed to permanent commissions who do not possess the qualifications for voluntary insurance
explained in the preceding paragraphs and offices appointed to emergency commissions direct from
government or business positions who were not already insured at the date of appointment may be eligible.

Some information in this brochure was adapted from:

Lanham, RA 1992, Revising business prose, 3rd edn, Macmillan, New York.
Plain English Campaign, The A-Z of alternative words, viewed14 April 2003, <[Link]
University of Guelph 1990, Fast fax: improving your style, Learning Resource Centre pamphlet.
Walvoord, BF 1985, Writing: strategies for all disciplines, Prentice-Hall, Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey.
Williams, JM 1990, Style: towards clarity and grace, University of Chicago Press, Chicago.
Winckel, A & Hart, B 1996, Report writing style guide for engineering students, Faculty of Engineering & the Flexible Learning
Centre, University of South Australia, The Levels.

Writing Style 11/2012 SLC 5 of 6

SUGGESTED ANSWERS

(Note: most questions have more than one correct answer)

a) Studies of coal production reveal these figures.

1.
b) This evidence proves the hypothesis that reading out loud is an effective editing strategy.

a) Her recent speech about poverty was thought provoking.

2.
b) The patient's quick recovery surprised his doctor.

a) The subject's illness caused a change in mood.

b) I would be happy to help the group.
3. c) Because the budget is limited, applications for funding must be considered carefully.
d) The presentation about management styles was very entertaining.
e) During my scholarship, I hope to travel to Uluru.

a) This behaviour can be unlearnt.

b) The floods in the Philippines were a crisis.
4. c) Liao agrees with Dominquez.
d) Immunisation programs do not eliminate diseases.
e) An equitable solution is possible.

a) The committee does not expect to meet the deadline.

b) The department must establish a system to gather data on weather conditions and fuel consumption on
5. a regular basis.
c) The regulations were reviewed.
d) The driver might have braked too late.

a) Accountants should write letters carefully.

b) There are many skills involved in writing an assignment.
6.
c) Andersen was the first to claim that metal could be refined using electricity.
d) The public often doesnt know what their local politician is doing.

a) He has given many lectures to engineers on controlling the flow of gases.

7.
b) Peace is a luxury, beyond the experience of many people in the world living in war-torn countries,.

a) The university has a new skills program for international students.

8.
b) Further research should investigate procedures to evaluate maintenance levels for medication.

a) The tapestries hanging on the wall were abstract yet beautiful.

b) The qualifications for voluntary insurance were explained in the preceding paragraphs. There may be
9.
exemptions for officers with permanent commissions and uninsured officers transferring from
government or business to emergency positions.
STUDENT LEARNING CENTRE
REGISTRY BUILDING ANNEXE

TEL: 61-8-8201 2518

E-MAIL: slc@[Link]

INTERNET: [Link]
POSTAL: PO BOX 2100, ADELAIDE, SA 5001
Writing Style 11/2012 SLC 6 of 6