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Editorial Feedback for Diana Roman

This editorial argues that raising the legal drinking age to 21 has helped reduce drunk driving accidents among youth. It notes that since the drinking age was increased in 1988, alcohol-related traffic deaths have dropped sharply among those under 21. However, it acknowledges there is an ongoing debate on the costs and benefits of the higher drinking age law.

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0% found this document useful (0 votes)
4 views13 pages

Editorial Feedback for Diana Roman

This editorial argues that raising the legal drinking age to 21 has helped reduce drunk driving accidents among youth. It notes that since the drinking age was increased in 1988, alcohol-related traffic deaths have dropped sharply among those under 21. However, it acknowledges there is an ongoing debate on the costs and benefits of the higher drinking age law.

Uploaded by

api-340627151
Copyright
© All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd

Editorial

by Diana Roman

FILE

ENGLISHEDIT [Link] (488.38K)

T IME SUBMIT T ED

09-NOV-2016 06:44PM

WORD COUNT

1477

SUBMISSION ID

734938222

CHARACT ER COUNT

7757

good thesis
with some
tweaks.

generate?

overly?
unnecessary?

its
good context

good sum of
bill

among teens, or
everyone?

for driving?
specify

add some outside sources here for authority.

repetitive

I hope you'll be addressing these


counterarguments later in the paper?

Amazing!

When you
revise, use this
info to address
the economic
counterargument
you mentioned,
above.

good
cohesion here

well,not a stop, but decrease?

repetitive, that means you can


synthesize here. :)

need qualifiers: some, sometimes?


medical?

more likely thank whom?

This is a really solid start, Diana! When you revise, try adding
statistics and other facts to buttress your research. Also, add
research about the counterarguments--some sources say DUIs
will increase--that's a public safety issue, for example.

Editorial
GRADEMARK REPORT
FINAL GRADE

GENERAL COMMENTS

88

Instructor

/150

PAGE 1

Text Comment.

good thesis with some tweaks.

Text Comment.

generate?

Text Comment.

overly? unnecessary?

Text Comment.

its

Text Comment.

good context

PAGE 2

QM

||
Problem in Parallel Form:
Coordinate ideas should be expressed in parallel f orm. All expressions that are similar in
content and f unction should be expressed similarly.

Text Comment.

good sum of

bill

Text Comment.

among teens, or everyone?

Text Comment.

f or driving? specif y

Text Comment.

add some outside sources here f or authority.

PAGE 3

Text Comment.

repetitive

Text Comment.

Amazing!

Text Comment.

When you revise, use this inf o to address the economic counterargument
you mentioned, above.

Text Comment.

I hope you'll be addressing these


counterarguments later in the paper?
PAGE 4

Text Comment.

good cohesion here

Text Comment.

well,not a stop, but decrease?

Text Comment.

repetitive, that means you can

synthesize here. :)

Text Comment.

need qualif iers: some, sometimes?

Text Comment.

medical?

Text Comment.

more likely thank whom?

PAGE 5

Text Comment.

T his is a really solid start, Diana! When you revise, try adding statistics
and other f acts to buttress your research. Also, add research about the counterarguments-some sources say DUIs will increase--that's a public saf ety issue, f or example.
PAGE 6
PAGE 7

RUBRIC: EDITORIALS RUBRIC

RHET FOCUS

Prof icient

Write f or a specif ic audience and purpose.


ABSENT OR BELOW Audience's needs are of ten not recognized: terms and ideas need explanation and
BASIC
language needs adjustment f or the audience. Purpose (to argue a position

persuasively) isn't clear or achieved.


DEVELOPING

Shows some attention to audience's needs, sometimes def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) may be unclear at times, and it may not be achieved convincingly.

PROFICIENT

Usually shows attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and ideas
and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position persuasively)
may be implied, but it's clear and achieved.

ADVANCED

Shows sophisticated attention to audience's needs, def ining necessary terms and
ideas and using audience-appropriate language. Purpose (to argue a position
persuasively) is clear and achieved with style.

ET HICAL RES

Advanced

Using the appropriate majors customary citation style, ethically cite and communicate inf ormation f rom a
variety of discipline-appropriate sources.
ABSENT OR BELOW Omits or uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
BASIC
marks incorrectly. Drops quotations and ideas into text without introducing source.

Frequently uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources or relies exclusively on one


source.
DEVELOPING

A f ew errors in discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation


marks. Of ten includes sources without introduction in cases when introduction is
necessary and discipline appropriate. Sometimes relies too heavily on a single source
or uses irrelevant or unpersuasive sources.

PROFICIENT

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Usually introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is usually diverse, relevant and persuasive.

ADVANCED

Correctly uses discipline-appropriate in-text and end-of -text citations and quotation
marks. Introduces each source f ully (as necessary and discipline-appropriate)
reader knows who did the research or communicating, f or whom, and why. Use of
sources is always diverse, relevant and persuasive.

PERSUASION

Prof icient

Compare, evaluate, synthesize, and communicate caref ully, objectively, and persuasively the relative merits
of alternative or opposing arguments, assumptions, and cultural values. Integrate this evaluative work into
a persuasive argument.

ABSENT OR BELOW Fails to support claims with relevant reasoning and/or specif ic evidence. Objectivity,
BASIC
balance, and a controlling idea may be lacking.
DEVELOPING

Attempts to support claims with reasoning and evidence, but specif icity and/or
objectivity may be lacking. A controlling idea may be missing or implied. Objectivity and
balance may be weak or f lawed.

PROFICIENT

Usually supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough,
and insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Usually maintains objectivity and
balance in argumentation.

ADVANCED

Supports the controlling idea and paragraph claims with relevant, thorough, and
insightf ul reasoning and specif ic evidence. Maintains objectivity and balance in
argumentation.

ORGANIZ AT ION

Prof icient

Organize, f ocus, and communicate ones thoughts clearly and ef f ectively to address a rhetorical situation.
ABSENT OR BELOW Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,
BASIC
transitions) may be absent, unrelated to the prompt, or illogically connected. Ps

contain multiple topics or are disorganized.


DEVELOPING

Organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic sentences,


transitions) f it the prompt, but may be vague, too broad, or inconsistenly or illogically
linked. Ps may not be unif ied.

PROFICIENT

Clear organizational devices (controlling idea, headings, subheadings, topic


sentences, transitions) f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together adequately.
Ps are usually unif ied.

ADVANCED

Clear, specif ic organizational devices (thesis, topic sentences, headings, transitions)


f it the prompt and tie ideas and topics together logically and seamlessly. Paragraphs
are unif ied.

LANG & DESIGN

Advanced

Recognize, evaluate, and employ the f eatures and contexts of language and design that express and
inf luence meaning and that demonstrate sensitivity to gender and cultural dif f erences.
ABSENT OR BELOW Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors impede readability. Lanuage may ref lect
BASIC
a gender or cultural bias. Design may be unconventional and inef f ective.
DEVELOPING

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors of ten impede readability or otherwise


distract f rom meaning. Lanuage may occasionally suggest a gender or cultural bias.
Design may be inconventional or inef f ective.

PROFICIENT

Spelling, syntax, diction, or punctuation errors are f ew and do not distract f rom
meaning. Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional
and ef f ective.

ADVANCED

Outstanding control of language, including ef f ective diction and sentence variety.

Lanuage respects gender and cultural dif f erences. Design is conventional and
ef f ective.

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