BDSM BASICS FOR WRITERS

BY LAUREN HAWKEYE/ LAUREN JAMESON

Copyright 2014 Lauren Hawkeye/ Lauren Jameson
This document is meant as a very basic overview, just to get you started! There is
much more to learn about the BDSM lifestyle than could possibly be contained in
this introductory document!
Adult toy chest/ toy bag: A person’s collection of “toys”.

Age play: Play in which one person in a scene assumes the role of a grown up and the other
someone much younger (schoolgirl roles are common).

Alligator clamp: A type of nipple clamp that resembles an alligator jaw. Most come with
adjustable screws and are rubber tipped.

Anal plug: see Butt plug

Animal training: Play in which one person, typically the submissive, takes on the role of an
animal, typically a puppy, kitten or pony.

B &D, B/D, B/d: Stands for bondage and dominance.

BDSM: Stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and
Masochism.

Ball gag: A rubber ball inserted into the mouth, held in place with a strap.

Ball torture: Causing pain to the male testicles.

Body art or modification: Alterations to the appearance of one’s body, including but not
limited to tattoos, piercing, stretching, branding, scarification.

Bondage: To make a person physically helpless and at least partially immobilized.

Boot licking: A sign of submission that involves the licking and cleaning of a Dominant’s shoes.

Bottom: A submissive.

Branding: A permanent scar made by applying heated metal to the skin—a way for a Dominant
to “mark” his or her submissive.

Brat: A submissive who tries to gain the attention of a Dominant by acting out or behaving like
a “brat”.

Breast bondage: Tying up/ restraining of the female breasts.

Bullwhip: A long, heavy, plaited leather whip.

Butt plug: Used in anal play. A toy designed to be placed in the anus, either for pleasure or for
punishment. Come in many shapes and sizes.

Cage: A method of bondage in which the submissive is restrained inside a cage—the cage may
be small enough to restrict the movement of one person, or large enough for several people.
Caning: Using a cane, often made of rattan, on a submissive. More severe than a flogging, can
be extremely painful.

Cat o’ Nine Tails: A whip with nine tails; may or may not have beads or sharp objects knotted
into the ends for added sensation.

CBT/ Cock and ball torture: Pain inflicted on a male submissive’s penis and testicles.

Chocolate: Used to refer to any sex that is not “vanilla”.

Clover nipple clamps: Nipple clamps connected by a chain and tightened by pulling on said
chain. Clamps usually covered in rubber.

Coca-Cola submissive: A submissive who only obeys the rules when he/ she feels like it.

Cock ring: Rubber or metal ring used to slip around the base of penis and testicles; often used to
help prolong an erection.

Collar: Worn by the submissive. Often very symbolic to the Dominant, demonstrating
ownership of the submissive/ slave. Sometimes attached to a leash held by the Dominant.
Corset: Popular garment that cinches the waist and creates a feminine “hourglass silhouette”.

Crop: A type of whip typically used in horseback riding, but very often used in the BDSM
lifestyle. Considered fairly easy to master and leaves a sharp sting.

Cupping: The practice of placing suction cups on the skin to increase blood flow and sensation.

DM/ Dungeon Monitor: A person who monitors the “dungeon” or play area for compliance to
rules and regulations.

D/s: Stands for Dominance and submission.

Dom: Short for Dominant.

Dominant: The person in charge of the power exchange.

Domination: To be the ruling or controlling party in the power exchange.

Dominatrix: A female Dominant, often a professional who charges for her services.

Domme: A female Dominant.

Dungeon: A place that has BDSM toys and equipment set up for use.

Extreme restraints: A bondage device that is extremely restraining/ confining; not for
beginners.

Femdom: A female Dominant.

Fetish, fetishism: A fetish is anything outside the realm of what is considered “normal” that
causes extreme sexual appeal. Many consider an object to be a fetish only if it is necessary for
sexual gratification to be found.

Fisting: To insert one’s entire hand into vagina or anus.

Flagellation: A whipping/ flogging administered for erotic stimulation.

Flogger: A multi tailed implement, often leather. Delivers more of a sting than extreme pain.

Flogging: To hit someone with a flogger.

Freeplay: BDSM play without a power exchange.

Hobble skirt: A very tight skirt that only allows the wearer to take very tiny steps.

Kitten: A common term of endearment for a submissive.

Lash: A blow from a whip, crop, paddle, etc.

Leather: A very comment fetish object.

Leg cuffs: Similar to handcuffs but larger and designed to restrain the ankles.

Limit (hard limits, soft limits): The final boundary of a submissive, always established in
advance of any play. A “soft limit” is something that might change over time, and in which a
submissive may permit some exploration by their Dom. A “hard” limit is something that the
submissive will never permit.

M/s: Stands for Master/ slave.

Martinet: Also called a French flogger. A small flogger.

Masochist: Someone who derives sexual pleasure from receiving pain.

Master: The Dominant partner in a power exchange, usually a male.

Mistress: The Dominant partner in a power exchange, usually a female.

Nipple clamps: Toys that clamp onto the nipples, designed to provide stimulation that can range
from pleasure and awareness to extreme pain.

Nipple torture: To cause pain to the nipples.

Nipple weights: weights suspended from nipple clamps of piercings.

OTK: Stands for over the knee; refers to a spanking.

Paddle: A flat instrument, usually made of wood or leather, used for spanking.

Pet: A common term of endearment for a submissive.

Pony play: Role play that involves the submissive taking on the role of a pony.

Power exchange: When a submissive willingly and consensually gives over control/ power to
the Dominant. Can be for a short scene or play time, or for the duration of a relationship.

Prince Albert: A male piercing of the area between the urethra and the underside of the penis.

Puppy play: Role play that involves the submissive taking on the role of a puppy.

Pussy torture: Causing pain to the female’s genitals.

RPG/ Role play games: Taking on fantasy roles, such as teacher and schoolgirl, nurse and
patient, etc.

Red: The most commonly used safe word. In many places, a submissive saying “red” will stop
all play.

Restraint: Limiting the submissive’s movement and freedom.

Riding crop: See crop.

Ring gag: A ring that keeps a submissive’s mouth open, attached to a strap.

Rope: A common type of bondage equipment.

Rubber: A popular fetish material.

S&M, S/M: Stands for sadism and masochism.

Sadist: A person who enjoys causing pain.

Sadomasochism: A person who gains gratification, especially sexual, from simultaneous sadism
and masochism.

Safe, sane and consensual: The “slogan” of the BDSM lifestyle.

Safe word: A word, phrase, or action that may be used by a submissive to stop the scene. “Red”
is the most common safe word, though a submissive and Dominant may agree on any. “Yellow”
is often used to signify that a submissive is coming close to saying their safe word. A Dominant
who ignores a safe word is considered unsafe.

Saint Andrew’s Cross: A popular piece of BDSM equipment. Shaped like the cross on the
Scottish flag (an “x”) rather than a biblical cross, a submissive is restrained against it.

Scene: A BDSM session, either private or public.

Slapper: A paddle altered to make a loud noise when used.

Slave: Another term for submissive. Thought by some to be a more extreme form of submissive.

Slave contract: A consensual contract between a Dominant and submissive outlining the limits
of their relationship. Legally unenforceable.
Spanking bench: A popular piece of BDSM equipment which resembles a sawhorse or altered
picnic table and to which a submissive is restrained.

Spencer paddle: A paddle with holes drilled into it. Paddles with holes in them deliver more
pain, as they allow air to pass through and move faster.

Spreader bar: A long rd that holds apart the ankles, thighs or wrists of a submissive.

Stocks: A piece of BDSM equipment in which a submissive’s head and hands go through holes
while the submissive remains standing.

Strapon: A harness/ belt with a dildo attached.

sub/ subby/ subbie/ submissive: A person who gives control to a Dominant in a power
exchange.

Submission: The act of giving control to a Dominant.

Subspace: A state of mind that a submissive may enter following a scene, not unlike “exercise
endorphins”.

Suspension: The act of suspending a submissive in the air with ropes, harnesses, chain, etc. Not
recommended for beginners.

Switch: A person who can assume the role of either Dominant of submissive.

24/7: 100 % of the time—24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

TPE/ Total power exchange: Stands for Total Power Exchange; a 24/7 relationship.

Top: The Dominant in a scene.

Topspace: A state of mind that a Dominant may enter following a scene. Often described as
heightened senses.

Topping from the bottom: When a submissive tries to control the actions of their Dominant.

Tweezer nipple clamps: Nipple clamps that resemble tweezers. These clamps have a ring
around them... slide the ring up to tighten the clamp.

Vanilla: Sex that occurs outside the BDSM lifestyle.

Violet wand: Often a glass cylinder. A device that uses high frequency electrical charges to
apply stimulation. Often described as smelling of “ozone”.

Wartenberg wheel: Resembles a pinwheel or spiked pizza cutter. Used to apply sensation.

Wax play: Play in which hot wax is poured onto the skin, usually applied by the Dominant to
the submissive.

Whip: Many long braided leather strings attached to a handle. Usually made of leather.

Whipping post: A post to which a submissive may be restrained.

Suggested research book:

BDSM for Writers by Dr. Charley Ferrer

Suggested BDSM romance authors to read for research:

Mastered: Ten Tales of Sensual Surrender by Opal Carew et al.

Linger and Breathe by Lauren Jameson

Conviction by Nicole Edwards

Theirs to Cherish by Shayla Black

The Dom Who Loved Me by Lexi Blake

Natural Law by Joey W. Hill

Dangerously Bound by Eden Bradley

Need You Tonight by Roni Loren

Edge of the Enforcer and Show Me, Baby by Cherise Sinclair

 SAMPLE LIMITS CHECKLIST

This checklist can be filled out by a sub and provided to their Dom/Top before playing with
them. This will provide a quick "head-start" to identifying limits, negotiating and finding
common ground for play. Dominants may wish to work through the checklist, to get a better
handle on their specific interests. Switches should go through the checklist twice; one person’s
Dom and sub interests may be very different.

For each item, you need to provide two answers:

1. Experience

Have you had real time experience with the activity?

Indicate YES or NO next to each item. Write N/A if it does not apply to your gender.

2. Willingness

Are you willing/open to try an activity?

For each item, indicate the degree to which you are willing to try that particular activity by rating
it on a scale of NO or 0-5 (see rating scale below).

If you write "no", it means you will not do that item under any circumstance (a hard limit). There
is nothing wrong with indicating 'no' on an item. However, if you write 'no' next to every item,
you should probably find another interest to pursue.... like knitting or basket weaving. *grin*

If you do not understand what an activity is, mark that item with a "?".

Mark with an asterisk (*) those items which you are willing to do only with your current sex
partner(s), but not with casual play partners

Rating Scale

Utterly no desire to do that activity and don’t like doing it (in fact, may
0 loath it) and ordinarily would object to doing it, but you would permit the
Dominant to do it if they really wanted it (sometimes called a soft limit)
Don’t want to do or like to do this activity, but wouldn’t object it if was
1
asked of you
2 Willing to do this activity, but it has no special appeal for you
3 Usually like doing this activity, at least on an irregular/occasional basis
 You like doing this activity and would like to experience it on a regular
4
basis
5 Is a wild turn-on for you and you would like it as often as possible

Note any additional information or nuances which might be important for your Dom to know in
the comments section.

There is intentionally some overlap between categories. Unless otherwise stated, the sub is the
recipient/target of the activity

Willingness
Experience
Activity Comments
Rate according to
Respond YES/NO
scale described above

Abrasion

Age Play

Anal Sex

Anal Plugs (small)

Anal Plugs (large)

Anal Plug (public

under clothes)

Animal Roles

Arm & leg sleeves

(armbinders)

Aromas

Asphyxiation

Auctioned for charity

Ball Stretching
Bathroom use control

Beastiality

Beating (soft)

Beating (hard)

Blindfolding

Being Serviced
(sexual)

Being bitten

Breast/chest bondage

Breath control

Branding

Boot Worship

Bondage (light)

Bondage (heavy)

Bondage (multi-day)

Bondage (public
under clothing)

Breast whipping

Brown showers (scat)

Cages (locked inside)

Caning

Castration fantasy

Catheterization

Cattle prod (electrical

toy)
Cells/Closets (locked
inside of)

Chains

Chamber pot use

Chastity belts

Chauffeuring

Choking

Chores (domestic
service)

Clothespins

Cock rings/straps

Cock worship

Collars (worn in
private)

Collars (worn in
public)

Competitions (with
other subs)

Corsets (wearing
casually)

Corsets (trained waist

reduction)

Cuffs (leather)

Cuffs (metal)

Cutting

Diapers (wearing)

Diapers (wetting)
Diapers (soiling)

Dilation

Dildos

Double Penetration

Electricity

Enemas (for
cleansing)

Enemas (
retention/punishment)

Enforced chastity

Erotic Dance (for

audience)

Examinations
(physical)

Exercise
(forced/required)

Exhibitionism
(friends)

Exhibitionism
(strangers)

Eye contact
restrictions

Face Slapping

Fantasy
Abandonment

Fantasy rape

Fantasy gang rape

Fear (being scared)

Fisting (anal)

Fisting (vaginal)

Flame play

Following orders

Foot worship

Forced bedwetting

forced dressing

Forced eating

Forced
homosexuality

Forced
heterosexuality

Forced masturbation

Forced nudity
(private)

Forced nudity
(around others)

Forced Servitude

Forced smoking

Full head hoods

Gags (cloth)

Gags (inflatable)

Gags (phallic)

Gags (rubber)

Gags (tape)
Gas masks

Gates of Hell (male)

Genital sex

Given away to
another Dom (temp)

Given away to
another Dom (perm)

Golden Showers

Gun play

Hair brush spankings

Hair pulling

Hand Jobs (giving)

Hand Jobs (receiving)

Harems (serving
w/other subs)

Harnessing (leather)

Harnessing (rope)

Having food chosen

for you

Having clothing
chosen for you

(head (give
fellatio/cunnilingus)

Head (rcv
fellation/cunnilingus)

High Heel Wearing

High Heel Worship

Homage with tongue
(non-sexual)

Hoods

Hot oils (on genitals)

Hot waxing

Housework (doing)

Human puppy dog

Humiliation (private)

Humiliation (public)

Hypnotism

Ice cubes

Immobilization

Infantilism

Initiation rites

Injections

Intricate (Japanese)
rope bondage

Interrogations

Kidnapping

Kneeling

Knife play

Leather Clothing

Leather restraints

Lectures for
misbehavior
Licking (non-sexual)

Lingerie (wearing)

Manacles and Irons

Manicures (giving)

Massage (giving)

Massage (receiving)

Medical scenes

Modeling for erotic

photos

Mouth bits

Mummification

Name change (for

scene)

Nipple clamps

Nipple rings
(piercing)

Nipple weights

Oral/anal play
(rimming)

Over the knee

spanking

Orgasm denial

Orgasm control

Outdoor scenes

Pain (severe)

Pain (mild)
Persona training (in
scene)

Personal modification
(rl)

Phone sex (serving

Dom)

Phone sex (serving

Dom’s friends)

Phone sex
(commercial
provider)

Piercing (temporary,
play-pierce)

Piercing (permanent)

Plastic surgery

Prison scenes

Prostitution (public
pretense)

Prostitution (actual)

Pony slave

Public exposure

Punishment scene

Pussy/cock whipping

Pussy worship

Riding crops

Riding the "horse"

(crotch tort)

Rituals
Religious scenes

Restrictive rules on
behavior

Rubber/latex clothing

Rope body harness

Saran wrap

Scarification

Scratching - getting

Scratching - giving

Sensory deprivation

Serving

Serving as art

Serving as ashtray

Serving as furniture

Serving as a maid

Serving as a toilet
(urine)

Serving as a toilet
(feces)

Serving as
waitress/waiter

Serving orally
(sexual)

Serving other Doms

(supervised)

Serving other Doms

(unsupervised)
Sexual deprivation
(short term)

Sexual deprivation
(long term)

Shaving (body hair)

Having (head hair)

Skinny dipping

Sleep deprivation

Sleep sacks

Slutty clothing
(private)

Slutty clothing
(public)

Spandex clothing

Spanking

Speech restrictions
(when/what)

Speculums (anal)

Speculums (vaginal)

Spitting

Spreader bars

Standing in corner

Stocks

Straight jackets

Strap-on-dildos
(sucking on)
Strap-on-dildos
(penetrated by)

Strap-on-dildos
(wearing)

Strapping (full body

beating)

Suspension (upright)

Suspension (inverted)

Supplying new
partners for Dom

Swallowing feces

Swallowing semen

Swallowing urine

Swapping (with one

other couple)

Swinging (multiple
couples)

Tampon training (in

ass)

Tattooing

Teasing

TENS unit (electrical

toy)

Thumb cuffs (metal)

Tickling

Triple Penetration

Urethral Sounds
(metal rods)
Uniforms

Including others

Vaginal dildo

Verbal humiliation

Vibrator on genitals

Violet wand
(electrical toy)

Voyeurism (watching
others)

Voyeurism (your
Dom w/others)

Video (watching
others)

Video (recordings of
you)

Water torture

Waxing (hair
removal)

Wearing symbolic
jewelry

Weight gain (forced)

Weight loss (forced)

Whipping

Wooden paddles

Wrestling
 Linger by Lauren Jameson
Excerpt
Copyright 2014 Lauren Hawkeye

Logan felt a wicked surge of excitement as the small Mistress planted herself in front of

him, hands on her hips. Very sexy hips, he noted yet again, ones that flowed into a slender waist

and the curves of full breasts. He’d felt a deep sense of satisfaction to find that she appeared

every bit as interested in him as he was in her.

Something in him again warned him to find a different partner for the evening, one who

would be satisfied with administering a flogging, then sharing hard, impersonal sex.

Every other part of him wanted the woman currently standing in front of him, though he

knew somehow that she was going to push him further than he was comfortable. Just having met

her had thinned the barriers he always kept in place.

He hadn’t been in the club for very long, but he was already feeling the pain from being

trapped in the crush of people. A scary looking Mistress—or Master, he wasn’t quite sure—had

started bearing down on him at the same time as the tasty treat in front of him, and he’d felt as if

the walls had been closing in on him, stealing away his air.

But it was different with this one…

An experienced submissive, he could tell that she was a fairly new Mistress. The nerves

were there, in her eyes, around the corners of her mouth. Still, despite the sweet features of her

face, dominance seemed to seep out of her very pores, an exotic perfume that caught his attention

like a dog with a steak.

And then there was that strange pull between them, the one that had snapped into place

the second his arms had wrapped around her outside. The one that made every other dominant

woman in the room seem dull and unappealing.

 It was an irresistible combination for a man who ran the show everywhere besides the

bedroom.

And he couldn’t ignore the fact that, since she’d introduced herself and glared at him with

that bitchy expression that made his cock hard, he’d found it a little easier to breathe.

“What’s the problem, sweetheart?” He grinned down at her, his expression deliberately

cocky. He needed to keep his defenses up from the start around this one, to keep her from

sneaking too far into his psyche.

He waited to see if she would dismiss him immediately for his rudeness.

She arched an eyebrow at his term but didn’t comment on it, which left him mildly

disappointed. Instead she nodded at his feet, looking like nothing so much a wet dream of a stern

schoolteacher.

“Bottoms go barefoot in Veritas, sub. Remove the boots.”

Her voice was whiskey smooth with an undercurrent of sin, at odds with the girl-next-

door face. Logan found himself wanting to fall to his knees and obey, to please her, and despite

how much he wanted her, the notion didn’t sit well with him.

A mistress had to work much harder than saying a few words and looking pretty to earn

that kind of response from him.

He’d felt the punch of attraction when their eyes had first met, but now he was wary.

What kind of hold did she have on him already, to make him want so badly to please her?

Shaken by the notion, he grinned insolently and shook his head. “Make me, baby.”

Logan watched as heat flickered in her eyes which, upon closer inspection, were stormy

grey rather than the expected blue.

 He watched as she shrugged one shoulder, a simple gesture that was nevertheless full of

innate grace.

“We’ll do it the hard way, then.” So caught up in the siren’s song of her voice, Logan

was caught off guard when the little minx kicked her leg up with the smooth flexibility of a

trained dancer and pressed her sharp stiletto heel against the thin denim of his crotch.

He froze when the perfectly positioned boot heel dug into the tender sac of his testicles,

just enough to catch his attention.

“No need to get nasty, sweetheart.” Though he wasn’t overly concerned that she was one

of those mistresses who took joy in cock and ball torture, he was still uncomfortable enough

from the feelings coursing through him to be a smartass.

“Take off your boots.” Damn her, she looked completely calm and in control. Like she

knew he would do as she said, simply because she had said it.

Their little standoff had drawn an audience, too, and the press of bodies around them

made his throat constrict with the beginnings of claustrophobia.

“A hundred bucks on the little blonde.”

Logan flicked his eyes around the gathered crowd to find the speaker and glowered when

he saw that it was Luca, the only acquaintance he had at In Vino Veritas. He would have snarled

if Mistress S hadn’t chosen that moment to dig that stiletto in just a bit harder.

“I warned you.” She shrugged and smiled at him, and the smile made Logan’s entire

body clench with pure, undiluted need. She leaned forward, a calculated move, he knew, but still

he found his attention caught on the creamy swells of her breasts, offered up as they were in the

almost indecently low neckline of her black lace corset.

He wanted to get his hands on those breasts more than he wanted his next breath.
 His attention was still caught on them when she lowered her leg, and he grinned as he

hoped, prayed, that she would lean forward a bit more, just enough for him to see a hint of nipple

that he knew would be rosy pink.

“I’d still be happy to give you the ride of your life—” Logan’s words were cut off when

the slender woman whirled behind him, her movements precise and controlled. He felt the sharp

toes of her boots dig into the backs of his knees, and then he landed on his knees on the floor, his

breath leaving his lungs in one uncomfortable jolt.

“What the—” He threw his hands out in front of him to protect his face when she pushed

him down further and straddled his hips backwards. Despite the surprise and the uncomfortable

position, his cock pushed against the thin denim of his jeans as his body registered the heat of her

naked legs, pressing tightly into his torso.

Her ass was sweetly rounded and close enough to touch. Her skirt had ridden up when

she moved, and he caught a hint of the sexy panties she wore beneath.

With firm hands, Mistress S tugged off one of his well-worn cowboy boots, and then the

other. His socks followed. Standing, she caught his eye as she very deliberately stuffed a sock

inside each boot, then handed the pair off to Luca, to tuck out of reach behind the bar, he

assumed.

“What’s your name?” She asked, her voice steady, certain he would answer... and he did,

though he hadn’t intended to.

“Logan.” He could hear the wariness in his own voice, and rightly so—this woman was

nothing like he’d expected.

“Well, then. Logan.” Her words were stern. “I told you. Subs go barefoot here.”

Logan felt twin desires pulling inside of him. He wanted to apologize, to earn her favor.
 He also wanted to wipe that smug smile off of her face. She’d won this round—and he

hadn’t seen it coming, so points for her.

But he wasn’t tamed that easily.

“You going to punish me now, baby?” He ran his tongue over his lips, deliberately

provoking her. He knew what would happen now, and he was looking forward to it.

She would take him to a private room, or to one of the many pieces of equipment set up

around the massive play area of Veritas. She would try to dig deeper, and he would deflect. She

would flog him, and he would be able to lose himself in the pain.

They would fuck, and then they would go their own ways. He’d head back to Montana

until his needs could no longer be assuaged with his imagination and his own hand.

The fact that he didn’t care for the idea of leaving her was just a signal that he needed to

do exactly that. She looked like she could draw out all of his secrets, and that just wasn’t going

to happen.

Still, he thought he just might die if he didn’t get a taste of that creamy flesh spilling out

over the top of her corset.

“Yes,” Mistress S replied, her face calm, though those grey eyes of hers reflected more

than a hint of the turmoil that he was feeling himself. “I am.”

Then the woman did something Logan never could have seen coming.

She turned on her slender stiletto heel and walked away.

Linger available at:

Kindle
Nook
Kobo
iTunes