EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Communication: A Vital and Dynamic Process of Sharing Information with Others and also
Comprehending the Meaning of the Verbal and Non Verbal Behaviour of others
The underlined words explain communication in its broader aspect. This defines that
communication is:
Vital i.e. inescapable, necessary, a must, cant live without it
Dynamic i.e. variable, ever changing, not static, never the same
Process i.e. a set of inter-related activities, always continuing, never ending
Sharing i.e. interaction among people in order to exchange meaning, to make common
Informative i.e. any form of knowledge, feelings, emotions, expressions and observations
Others i.e. anyone or anything which is not you
Comprehending i.e. perceiving, interpreting and understanding
Meaning i.e. the shared understanding of the message
Verbal i.e. spoken or written syllables to communicate
Non- verbal i.e. without words, like gestures, feelings, body language
Behaviour i.e. a creatures responses to a situation or environment
Communication is derived from the Latin word, Communicare i.e. to make common or
share and understanding the meaning.
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION STRATEGY
Everyone communicates, but learning how to communicate effectively requires skill. In order
to become successful in business (or any aspect of life), it is important to develop proper
communication skills. For some people, communicating is easy. Some have a natural flair for
communicating and a strong sense of confidence or charisma that endears them to others.
Opening up in order to learn about another person takes very little effort. But how does the
rest of the population learn how to communicate with others? Let's start by exploring seven
easy-to-follow steps:
Confidence
Good people skills start with confidence. When a person has confidence, it shows.
Confidence attracts others like a magnet because on some level, the attitude shows this
person is worth the time and effort. A strong sense of self moves quickly past the small talk
and invites opportunity to reach the heart of the conversation without wasting time.
When using effective communication, one of the most important rules to follow is to look a
person directly in the eyes. People who lack confidence tend to avoid eye contact. Avoiding
eye contact shows disinterest or in a worst-case scenario, dishonesty. When two people make
eye contact, effective communication is possible. Eye contact also lends credibility to what
you say.

Show Interest
Many people make the mistake of talking too much about themselves. Nothing kills a
conversation quicker than rambling on about oneself. One of the best methods to learn how to
communicate with people is to get them to talk about themselves instead of making them
listen to you. This helps the other person feel more at ease and boosts his or her confidence.
On a more subtle level, it creates a situation where the other person feels obligated to
reciprocate. The indulgence of talking places a person in the position of returning the favor
and listening to you.
The Art of the Open-Ended Question
One of the quickest routes to awkward silence is asking questions that can be simply
answered with yes or no. By asking a question that requires a more detailed answer, the other
person has to elaborate and offer as much information as possible. Why ask, "Are you
enjoying yourself," when the question could be phrased, "What do you think of this party?"
Part of effective communication is learning how to phrase questions that make the other
person think. One thing leads to another and in a short time, stories are shared and the ice is
broken.
Forget about the weather and definitely stay away from politics and religion! Comment on
something the person is wearing. Does he have a detectable accent? If so, ask where he's from
or take a guess, if the accent is recognizable enough. Be careful though; don't rattle off a
string of questions. This is a sure way to make someone feel uncomfortable. A conversation
should not be an interrogation.
When asking someone's name, repeat it immediately. Saying a name aloud helps to cement it
in the memory. Use the person's name often over the course of the conversation and
remember to smile.
Listen Twice, Speak Once
Pablo Golub, author of "It's All a Damn Game" says, "You have two ears and one mouth for a
reason. Therefore, you should listen twice as much as you speak." In relation to people skills,
this means that while the other person is talking; give him or her, your undivided attention.
Don't get caught in the trap of thinking of what you're going to say next, what will happen
later that day or any of the other tangents where the mind can wander. Stay focused, absorb
the information given, and find a way to follow up with a question relevant to the subject.
Take an active interest in what this person is interested in, and if it's a subject you know
nothing about, you can use it to your advantage. Find out more about the subject. Admit it is
not a familiar topic. Would he mind telling you more about it? People love to share what they
know and nothing increases confidence more than sharing a subject close to the heart. When
you discover a person's favourite topic, he will have no problem opening up to tell you all
about it.
Knowledge Is Power
Effective communication begins and ends with knowledge. A well-rounded individual is a
fascinating one. People who travel, read or are aware of current events are a joy to talk to.
The more life experience a person has, the better he or she can relate to others.

People who travel have the ability to understand other cultures and people who read a lot
often have a head full of topics to discuss and can adapt to any conversation. A person who
participates in multiple activities is sure to find common ground with someone else. Establish
a bond and let the conversation flow.
Take a Risk
Another interesting point that Golub makes has to do with self-worth.
He says that self-worth is synonymous with confidence and regardless of rejection, a person's
self worth does not change. All too often, people are afraid to take a chance because they fear
rejection. Rejection makes a person feel inferior. In reality, rejection does not change one's
self-worth. You are still the same person, as valuable and important as you were before you
entered the conversation.
No one can take your self-worth away from you; only you can do that. Rejection is an illusion
until it actually happens. Why spend time worrying about a "what if" situation? Take a chance
and keep trying for what you want. It's only a matter of time before you get it. The only way
to learn how to communicate with people and to hone your skills is by practicing. Hanging
back in the shadows and playing it safe leads nowhere.
Start Small-Learning
How to communicate with people takes time to develop and everyone will advance at their
own pace. Start small; become comfortable with each of these steps one at a time. At its
foundation, effective communication starts with confidence and this is the thread that binds
everything else together. Each encounter helps to increase your confidence and diversify your
experiences. A good place to practice these new people skills is the office or in the store.
After it has become easier to speak with peers, try talking to people in higher positions of
power, such as managers. In no time, the skills you taught yourself regarding how to
communicate with people will become second nature and won't require any thought at all.
Talking to someone like the CEO of a major company will be a breeze.
Nobody ever said learning how to communicate with people would be easy. For some,
mustering the confidence required will be a huge step. This is probably the most difficult part,
but once you take that step, the rest will fall into place. Have faith in yourself and know that
you are as worthy as the next person. Effective communication is an important skill everyone
should know, as it is the key to future success and advancement in practically every aspect of
life.
Test Your Social Skills IQ
Communication is the key to social skills, but when communication breaks down, social
ineptitude takes on a life of its own. As children we were taught that it's not OK to blurt out
derogatory names just because someone has upset us. We're not supposed to throw temper
tantrums when we can't have what we want, that sharing is smiled upon, while pushing and
shoving to be first in line is not.

7 KEYS TO EFFECTIVE LISTENING

KEY #1 Listening is not a passive activity!
Listening is anything but a passive, neutral activity. While it may appear that this is all that's
going on, many active processes are taking place within the listener--if they're listening well,
that is.
You see, listening is not just hearing the words people utter. If that's all there was to it, we
could train computers to do the job.
But listening to human beings involves much, much more (which computers will never do). It
involves not just accurately hearing what people say, but getting a sense of who they are, how
they view life, what they want to accomplish, what concerns they have, what they're afraid of,
how they're feeling, what they want from you, and more. It even involves "listening" to what
people aren't directly saying, or what they might be too reluctant to say, or what they
definitely don't want you to do in response to their communications. Show me a computer
that can do all that!
Thus, in order to become a very good listener, we can't just stop with hearing the words
people say. We've got to attend to many other details and many other dimensions that don't
meet the eye, but that are crucial nonetheless. (This is why it's so difficult to recognize what
good listeners do that makes them successful--it's all going on invisibly inside their heads and
the rest of their body.)
KEY #2 Listen for unspoken fears/concerns/moods/aspirations
When people speak, they always reveal their deepest thoughts, ambitions, and concerns. Most
of the time, neither the speaker, nor the listener, pick up on these subtle, underlying
issues...but they are always there.
Good listeners, on the other hand, frequently attend to these background, unspoken emotions
and concerns. And when they "hear" them and empathize with them (either verbally or
nonverbally) the speaker often remarks "Boy, you really know how I feel" or "Gee, you really
understand exactly what's going on with me."
Here are a few examples to illustrate this important point:
EXAMPLE #1: A young father with a new son makes an appointment to see me (as a doctor)
and asks me to refer him to a support group. He wants to resolve some lingering personal
issues relating to abuse that he experienced through much of his childhood.
As I listen to his request, which on the surface seems straight forward, I also "hear" other
things in the background. In addition to his words, I "hear" unspoken concerns..."Am I going
to do the same to my child?"..."What can I do to keep from damaging him?"
Did I listen correctly? In this case I did. Once I gently put words to his deepest fears and
concerns, his body relaxed and he acknowledged that he was secretly harboring these
thoughts.

EXAMPLE #2: Another person comes in to see me (as a stress counsellor) because she's
feeling increasingly tense, irritable, and anxious on her job. She clearly relates to me
numerous problems with her job. But as I listen to her carefully, I also "hear" the following
unspoken concerns..."Am I going to lose control and embarrass myself in front of my coworkers?"..."Am I going to look incompetent or not as strong as my male counterparts?"...
"Am I going to go home and start taking out my frustrations on my kids and my husband?"
And the amazing thing about human communication is that she never said any of these
things! But a good listener can pick up on them, and most of the time they'll be interpreted
correctly.
How do you know when you're right about such hunches? Sometimes you just know
intuitively. Sometimes, you can tactfully check out your assumptions by probing with a
compassionate question or two, or by restating your hunch for the speaker to confirm. Most
of the time, however, your intuition will be right on. Which brings me to the next important
key to good listening....
KEY #3 Good listening requires great wisdom
You can't be a good listener if you don't understand human beings. And I mean really
understand human beings. How do you obtain this wisdom? I really don't know (it's probably
part luck, part hard work and dedication, and part finding the right teachers or mentors). But
you know what? When somebody's got it, you can tell in an instant.
Many psychiatrists, psychologists, and other mental health professionals gain this type of
wisdom with many years of experience (although you'd be amazed how many never do). I've
also found that radio talk show hosts and television interviewers often have an abundance of
such wisdom, as do most successful novelists, playwrights, and other creative writers.
Thus, the wiser you become about life in general, the better a listener you invariably will be.
No matter how many technical communication skills you master, if you don't have extensive
wisdom about people, you won't come across as truly understanding them.
Speaking for myself (as if someone else could be speaking as I write this), I know that the
more I've learned about human emotions, for example, the better I listen to and understand
people when they're emotionally upset.
By the same token, the more I learn about my own self-worth and inner strengths, the more I
can "see" and "hear" these same qualities in others.
That's why, if you want to become a good listener, it's absolutely essential that you commit
yourself to becoming a life-long student of human beings and human nature. Keep on
learning and expanding your horizons. Read lots of books, both fiction and non-fiction.
Listen to tapes. Attend various lectures, seminars, and workshops. No matter how much you
know, or how smart you are, keep pushing yourself to learn even more. Because the more you
know about life in general, the better a listener you will automatically become.

KEY #4 Listen to others with respect and validation

One of the biggest secrets to becoming an excellent listener is to take on the job of always
finding something to respect and validate about what others are saying. This is a challenging
purpose you can take on. But only 1 out of 100 realizes its importance and makes this a top
priority.
Most of the time when we're listening to others, we look for faults or weaknesses in what the
other person says. We often end up disagreeing (either vocally or silently) with the other
person's opinions, feelings, attitudes, or points of views. But nobody likes to have others
disagree with them. We all want people to agree with our points of view, or at least we want
our thoughts and feelings to be respected and considered equally valid as anyone else's. Even
if our opinions or attitudes are based on erroneous reasoning, we still want people to
appreciate that our ideas and feelings have great personal meaning for us.
If you don't make people feel that you respect their points of view, they won't feel
"understood" and will consider you a bad listener.
How do you develop this ability to listen with respect? Well, first you've got to realize that
most people aren't going to think, feel, and reason just like we do. They're going to do things
their own way, and they don't really care about what we think is right.
When I listen to others, I frequently have to force myself to remember this basic truth about
life. I have to consciously choose to look for something meaningful and worthwhile in
whatever someone is saying, no matter how blatantly wrong or insipid it may initially appear
to me. And you know what? If you look hard enough for these hidden kernels of merit or
validity in what others are saying, you will almost always find them lurking there somewhere.
It also helps to realize when you own style of thinking and reasoning is fundamentally
different from the people you are interacting with. For example, parents often make the
mistake of listening and communicating with their kids as if they were "little adults." But kids
don't think, feel and reason like adults. Their thought processes and reasoning processes are
very, very different. Kid's don't respond to the same types of motivators we do. They don't
relate to future goals and payoffs as we do. And they don't always want to be educated or
enlightened as we might value these opportunities. If you don't remind yourself of these
essential differences-- which are very, very easy to forget--you won't be able to communicate
with children successfully. (Next time you meet a first or second grade teacher at a party, take
a few moments to talk with them about this subject--they live this stuff everyday!)
Another good example of this point is the frequent problems that arise when men and women
communicate with each other as if both are (or should be) exactly the same. The truth about
men and women, however, is that when it comes to communication styles and needs--they are
very, very different. For example, men are brought up in our culture to listen in certain
habitual ways. They listen to problems from the standpoint of identifying verbalizing
effective solutions. Women, on the other hand, also are interested in solutions, but they are
much more prone to empathize with the speaker's internal feelings and to spend much more
time "talking about" the problem before diving into solutions. This applies to sexual foreplay
as well! (Remember, I warned you this newsletter was about getting people to follow you
anywhere.)

This crucial difference between the speaking and listening styles of men and women has been
the subject of several popular bestselling books. The two best I've seen are "You Just Don't
Understand" by Deborah Tannen (William Morrow, 1990) and "Men Are From
Mars...Women Are From Venus" by John Gray (Harper Collins, 1992). Both books say
exactly the same things, but John Gray's book does it a little better and in a much more
entertaining fashion.
If you haven't read "Men Are From Mars...Women Are From Venus" yet make sure you do.
Believe me, you'll thank me many times over.
KEY #5 Listen without thinking about how you're going to respond
It's very hard to be a good listener--at any level--if you're not fully attending to what others
are saying and feeling. Much of the time when people are speaking to us, our heads become
filled with our own personal thoughts and agendas...thinking how we're going to
respond...thinking negative thoughts about the other person...thinking how we would think or
feel in a similar situation.
But to listen well, you must put these thoughts aside and "be with" the other person. You've
got to fully attend to their words and inner emotions. You've got to actively work to "put
yourself in their shoes" and you listen to them speak. And you've got to keep your mind open
to discover the value or merit in whatever the other person says.
None of these things can be easily accomplished when you're listening to your own inner
thoughts instead of focusing on the other person. You may not always be able to stop such
thoughts from occurring, but you can learn to put them aside for the moment, and focus your
attention elsewhere.
Here's an example of how powerful a principle this is. Several years ago, I helped lead a
weekend communication seminar for a group of experienced physicians on staff at a wellknown midwest hospital. One exercise we designed involved pairing up with a partner, where
one person played the role of a patient with a problem, and the other person played the role of
a physician/helper. The only catch was the helper wasn't allowed to say or do anything! Their
job was to just sit there and listen, while the "patient" first described his/her complaints and
then continued to talk as they attempted to work out a solution on their own. Now if you
know anything about doctors, you know that just sitting there and listening--without thinking
of what we need to do-- is very, very unusual for us.
Well, there was one physician in the audience who wasn't too happy about being in the
seminar. His hospital department head was promoting attendance very aggressively, and he
only showed up because he felt pressured to do so. During this one simple exercise, however,
he experienced a major, major breakthrough. At the end of the exercise, when everyone was
sharing their insights and experiences, he raised his hand and announced to the group "What I
learned from this exercise was that I ALMOST NEVER LISTEN TO MY PATIENTS! I'm
mostly paying attention to the thoughts in my own head, and I never fully appreciated this
until today!"
Let me tell you, this guy was so enthused and excited that every time we had a 15-20 minute
break in the seminar, he would rush upstairs (the course was held at the hospital) to practice
listening to his patients. He would sit on their bed and ask a few questions and then listen

intently to whatever they had to say. He was so "juiced" by this new found power, which he
possessed all along, that he was consistently 10-15 minutes late for the start of the next
session.
Listening without thinking is also a requirement for listening to people respectfully and
keeping an open mind to the merit or value they bring to the interaction. You can't really
listen to others respectfully when you attention is mostly on yourself.
This also includes not prejudging or pre-evaluating the value of what others are going to say.
Many times, due to previous experiences, we begin listening to someone with the
preconceived notion that we're not going to hear anything valuable or worthwhile. We close
down our listening and merely pretend to be paying respectful attention.
For example, my daughter Tracie often senses when I'm about to launch into one of my
fatherly detailed explanations of some particular life event. When she senses I'm going to do
this, she immediately shuts off her listening. She has prejudged what's coming and has
decided to view it negatively (unlike adults, children let you know when they aren't
interested--they haven't yet mastered the social skill of feigning pretences).
The point here is that we all lose contact and intimacy when we close our listening down.
Whether it's because we're focused on our own thoughts and agendas, or whether we
prejudged the value of the interaction, or what have you....in order to be a good listener, you
must learn to put these common tendencies aside and focus your awareness on the potential
value of what others have to say.
KEY #6 Listening for tell-tale signs of impending trouble
Another important secret to good listening is to train yourself to "listen" for clues of
impending trouble or disaster. Unfortunately, most people won't come out and directly tell
you if they are upset with you or if they have little or no intention to fulfil your expectations.
They often are too embarrassed to tell you or they might want to avoid a direct confrontation.
But they often will give you little tell-tale clues of their displeasure. Some will even believe
that they are communicating with you directly, so when you fail to pick up on these clues,
they will use this as further proof that you aren't really interested or that you don't really care.
This principle often comes up in our business and personal relationships. In business, we are
always communicating with people who make us various promises. A salesperson highlights
certain features of a product. A contractor promises to build something in a specified period
of time. A co-worker is assigned a task and acts as if they've truly taken it on.
In personal relationships, our partners may drop subtle hints that we've done something
wrong or that they are growing displeased with some aspects of the relationship. They might
not come out and say this directly, but they will expect you to interpret their clues and take
remedial action.
The more you train yourself to "listen" for these subtle signs of trouble, the better you will
appreciate what's going on for other people. Listening for people's level of commitment,
integrity, and character is a very useful skill. Listening for sincerity is also frequently handy.

These skills are not difficult to develop. But they do take practice and a considerable degree
of effort to master. Sometimes it's simply a matter of not passing over obvious clues or
inconsistencies because you don't want to hear them or because you'd prefer them not to be
there.
KEY #7 Listen with optimism and positive human regard
Many people fall prey to negative thinking and feelings. When they communicate with
others, these negative states come through, and they may even want others to sympathize
with them and agree with their negative points of view.
Good listeners, however, often have the ability to listen to people "positively," despite their
immediate negative state. "Oh, a tornado hit and destroyed your home and all your
possessions-- what a tragedy--but at least you're still alive!" Or "Gee, that's awful, but don't
worry--six months from now you won't even remember it happened."
You can listen to people communicate about a tragedy with a great deal of compassion. But
you also can listen optimistically and with positive human regard for their inner strengths and
human capabilities. Sometimes people are so entrenched in their negativism of the moment
that they fail to focus on their positive human traits. As a listener, however, you can remind
them of this positivity, provided you do it with tact, timing and sensitivity.
Reaching through all the dominant negativity to acknowledge people's positive core will
often make them appreciate your support. Letting people know you know how courageous
and capable they are, even in the face of extreme emergencies, is another way in which
listening can be viewed as an active, purposeful process. Sometimes people will not be totally
happy when you point to their positive potential. But many will appreciate the gesture of love
and support and will be glad to have people like you in their lives. They will feel you connect
with something deep within them, and they will value you for standing up for them, whether
they consciously thank you or not.
Besides, when you make it a habit to stand up for people's positive potentials and qualities,
you reinforce your own human capabilities. So the next time you fall prey to overwhelming
negatively, you'll be able to listen to yourself with much more optimism and positive human
regard.
Summary
Well, there you have them---seven keys to better listening that will win you friends, improve
your marriage, boost your profits, and make people want to follow you anywhere!
7 Keys to Better Listening
1. Listening is NOT a passive activity!
2. Listen for unspoken fears, concerns, moods, and aspirations.
3. Good listening requires great wisdom.
4. Listen to others with respect and validation.
5. Listen without thinking about how you're going to respond.

6. Listen for tell-tale signs of impending trouble.

7. Listen with positive regard for people's strengths & abilities.
7 KEYS TO EFFECTIVE SPEAKING
No one ever complains about a speech being too short. ~ Ira Hayes
If you need to present a speech, talk in front of a group, or persuade others to your way of
thinking, here are a few keys to effective Speaking, to ensure that you dont sound like a
broken record:
KEY # 1 Know your audience.
If you are talking to beginners, start with the basics. If you are talking to professionals, dont
insult their intelligence and waste their time by beginning with Intro to Widgets 101. If
youre uncertain, ask a few questions to find out how much your audience knows about the
topic under discussion.
KEY # 2 Dress comfortably
If you are tugging on your hemline, smoothing out wrinkles, or acting like youve got ants in
your pants, you will distract folks in the audience (especially those with ADD) from the focus
of your talk.
KEY # 3 Watch out for nervous mannerisms.
Practice the presentation in front of a mirror to see whether you have any habits that need to
be nixed. You do not want audience members laying side bets on how many times youll
sweep your hair out of your face, or jingle the change in your pockets, before you finish
speaking.
KEY # 4 Introduce the topic and 3-4 key points.
Example: Today, Ill be talking about how to grow tomatoes. Well address: Planting,
Feeding, and Harvesting. By the time you leave today, youll be able to . . .
Why do this? Because I said so. I think its a good idea. And I believe that I know what Im
talking about. Thats why I said it. Some people may not agree with me, but I know Im
right. If you dont agree with me . . . then youre just stupid.
Oops, sorry
Those are the notes from the video I watched the other night ~ the What NOT to do when
Public Speaking Video.
The reason to introduce the overall scope of your speech with 3-4 key points is to give your
audience an outline to hang individual facts on. It helps them to follow your train of thought,
and retain the information youre sharing.
PS: Also, if someone is in the wrong room, it gives them a chance to get up and leave before
you get into the central focus of your presentation.
KEY # 5 Outline key points on an index card.

If your mind goes blank and refuses to cooperate, having a bullet point outline on a small
note-card lets you pause, regroup, and refresh your memory.

KEY # 6 Take a sneak peak.

Before winding down, take a quick glance at your outline to make sure that youve covered
all key points. If your presentation has been lengthy, summarize the topic and your 3-4 key
points
KEY # 7 Ask for Questions.
After you thank the audience for their time, but before you sit down, look around the room
and see if there are any questions. Dont be afraid of questions. They give you a chance to
see into the minds of those in attendance, and clarify points. The more hands waving with
questions, the better is your presentation. It means that you have engaged your audience.
They are thinking about what you said and want to know more.
Summary
7 Keys to better Speaking
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

Know your audience

Dress Comfortably
Watch out for nervous mannerisms
Introduce the topic and 3 4 Key Points
Outline key points on an index card
Take a sneak peak
Ask for questions

These basic tips will get you through speaking engagements and business presentations with
reasonable finesse. Of course, the more experience you gain, the more comfortable you
become ~ in time, you will no longer need to picture your audience naked in order to relax in
front of the microphone.
ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION
Assertive communication can strengthen your relationships, reducing stress from conflict and
providing you with social support when facing difficult times. A polite but assertive no to
excessive requests from others will enable you to avoid overloading your schedule and
promote balance in your life. Assertive communication can also help you handle difficult
family, friends and co-workers more easily, reducing drama and stress.
Here's How:
1. When approaching someone about behaviour youd like to see changed, stick to factual
descriptions of what theyve done thats upset you, rather than labels or judgments.
Heres an example:
Situation:

Your friend, who habitually arrives late for your plans, has shown up twenty minutes late for
a lunch date.
Inappropriate: "Youre so rude! Youre always late."
Assertive Communication: "We were supposed to meet at 11:30, but now its 11:50.
2. The same should be done if describing the effects of their behaviour. Dont exaggerate,
label or judge; just describe:
Inappropriate: Now lunch is ruined.
Assertive Communication: Now I have less time to spend lunching because I still need to be
back to work by 1pm.
3. Use I Messages. Simply put, if you start a sentence off with You, it comes off as more
of a judgment or attack, and puts people on the defensive. If you start with I, the focus is
more on how you are feeling and how you are affected by their behaviour. Also, it shows
more ownership of your reactions, and less blame.
For example:
You Message: You need to stop that!
I Message: Id like it if youd stop that.
4. Heres a great formula that puts it all together:
When you [their behaviour], I feel [your feelings].
When used with factual statements, rather than judgments or labels, this formula provides a
direct, non-attacking, more responsible way of letting people know how their behaviour
affects you. For example:
When you yell, I feel attacked.
5. A more advanced variation of this formula includes the results of their behaviour (again,
put into factual terms), and looks like this:
When you [their behaviour], then [results of their behaviour], and I feel [how you feel].
Here are some examples:
When you arrive late, I have to wait, and I feel frustrated.
When you tell the kids they can do something that Ive already forbidden, some of my
authority as a parent is taken away, and I feel undermined.
Tips:
1. Make sure your body reflects confidence: stand up straight, look people in the eye, and
relax.
2. Use a firm, but pleasant, tone.

3. Dont assume you know what the other persons motives are, especially if you think
theyre negative.
4. When in a discussion, dont forget to listen and ask questions! Its important to understand
the other persons point of view as well.
5. Try to think win-win: see if you can find a compromise or a way for you both get your
needs met.
CASE STUDY: Effective Communication for Medicine Management
Scenario
Val, a community pharmacist, is dispensing a prescription for one of her regular patients
Annie, a 70-year old lady with well-controlled hypertension. Val notices that as well as the
corticosteroid cream betamethasone 0.1 per cent (100g) (to be applied sparingly twice a day);
aqueous cream (500g) (apply when required) is also listed on the repeat prescription slip.
From Annie's personal medical record (PMR), Val finds that she last dispensed the aqueous
cream nearly a year ago. However, over the past two months, Annie has been ordering the
betamethasone cream every two weeks. Val asks Annie: "How do you use your
betamethasone cream?" Annie replies that she uses it sparingly twice a day, as it says on the
tube. Val then asks: "And what do you mean by sparingly?" Annie then tells Val that she
thinks it means the same as 'liberally'. Next, Val asks about the aqueous cream and Annie tells
her she uses it when required (again, as it says on the tub). When Val checks how often that
is, Annie replies: "Never. I just use the other cream - it makes my skin better." There is clearly
a communication issue here!
Val decides that the best thing to do would be to invite Annie into the consultation room so
that she can carry out a Medicines Usage Review (MUR). Annie has never heard of an MUR
before but she has some time to spare and it sounds like a good idea, so she agrees.
Questions
1. Where has the communication process failed Annie?
2. How should Val start conversation to open discussion with Annie?

3 Minutes Communication Test:

How well do you Receive Communication
1. Read everything before doing anything
2. Write your name on the upper right hand corner of this paper
3. Circle the world Name in sentence two
4. Draw five small squares in the upper left hand corner of this paper
5. Call your name aloud (as loud as you can)
6. Write your name again below your name written on the right hand corner of this paper
7. After the first name write Yes, Yes, Yes
8. Draw a circle around sentence five
9. Put an X in the lower left hand corner of this paper
10. If you are enjoying this test say Yes, if not say No
11. Loudly call out your last name when you reach this point in this test
12. On the right margin of this paper, multiply 66 x 7
13. Draw a rectangle around the word Paper in sentence number four
14. If you think you have followed directions carefully to this point, call I have
15. On the left margin of this paper add 69 and 98
16. Count in your normal speaking voice from 10 to 1 backwards
17. Stand up, turn around once and sit down
18. Say out loud, I am nearly finished, I have followed directions
19. If you are the first to this point say, I am the leader in following directions
20. Now that you have finished reading carefully, as instructed in sentence 1, do only
sentence 2 and yell I am a good communicator