The Waverly Newsletter
Greenwich, CT
Volume XVIII Fall 2001
Carve It In Stone
Here is the summary of winnings for the 2001 Waverly. This field would like to thank Commissioner Hakes for his
fine effort organizing the 2001 Tournament, always a terrific job. Additionally, thanks to Pat Horn for cooking duties,
Ray for ball markers, flags, cooking and meat, everybody else that chipped in somewhere, and Jim Cadden for the
mayonnaise mindlessness.
2001 Tourney CTP, LD &
Player Nickname Handicap Score Prize $ Team $ Total
Tim Bardo Dr. Swing -12 $300 $70 $370
Stan Byler Eggs -8 $200 $50 $250
Greg Poole Basey -1 $150 $25 $175
Marty Kurlich Skull +2 $75 $35 $110
Sammy Goble Bull +2 $75 $30 $105
Ray Leonardo Butcher +14 $13 $26 $39
Pat Horn 5-0 +14 $13 $20 $33
Woody Brotzman Woody +14 $13 $15 $28
Patrick English Twain +15
Rick Hakes Commish +17 $10 $10
Dick Anderson Kamakazi +19 $50 $50
Tom Courtenay Puff +22 $23 $23
Jim Cadden Mayo Shot +23
Ike I Like +35 $40 $40
Terry Chia Pet +36 $30 $30
Joe Jersey Joe +43 $15 $15
Total Avg. – +15 $840 $440 $1,280
First Year Follies
During the second round, a foursome is putting on the par 4 4th hole of the Jones course. Included in this group are
two rookies, Terry “Chia Pet” and “Jersey” Joe. As the group is walking off the green, Terry turns his head back and
looks over to the upcoming Jones signature hole, the par 3 5th over water. He abruptly stops and astonishingly
exclaims, “Oh no, don’t tell me.” as he views the hole. Terry sees the white markers for the drop area and thinks they
are the white tee markers! Before you make a statement within earshot of any veteran Waverly participant, it is most
important to remember - This Is An Invitational.
Records Are Made To Be Broken
In the final game of the 2001 football season, Waverly High School running back Mike Palanza rushed for 103 yards
to become the school's all-time single -season rushing leader with 1,312 yards - eclipsing the previous record of 1,284
yards set by Sammy “The Bull” Goble in 1984.
They Said It
“The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.” – Phyllis Diller
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Clichés
Man, if I play my game, bring my A game, take it one shot at a time, stick to the game plan, stay within myself, dictate
the tempo, impose my will, give 110 percent, take it to another level, take the crowd out of it, make something happen,
show some athleticism, stop the bleeding, step up my intensity, execute, focus, convert and leave it all between the
ropes, it’s my tournament, this is my house.
But there’s no tomorrow, my back’s against the wall, its crunch time, gut-check time, do or die. To click, to gel, to
fire on all cylinders, I need good karma, and you can’t teach that.
So I’m juggling the club selection, making wholesale changes, trying to light a fire, put fire in my belly, get fired up,
because the other guys won’t roll over, they won’t lie down, they can flat out play, they’re on fire, they’re peaking at
the right time, they’ve got ice water in their veins, my hat’s off to them, you gotta hand it to them, they thrive in the
clutch, feed off the pressure, own me, are hungry, will take me to school, will eat my lunch, will make me pay. I’d
pay to see them play, even though they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like I do.
A few are really something special, some make it look easy, they come to play everyday, make the whole field play
better, got something to prove, got game, got skills, got my number, got a very bright future at this event.
I couldn’t play dead, couldn’t play the radio, couldn’t hit sand if I fell off a camel, I’ve been there before, I match up
well, I know how to win, I’m not happy just to be here, my goal is a championship, I’m in it to win it, get out there and
have some fun, dance with what brought me here, let’s see what happens, and if the ball bounces my way, I’ll control
my own destiny, and that’s what it’s all about.
Because I have nothing to lose, the pressure’s on them, nobody expected me to be here, nobody thought I could do it,
nobody gave me a chance, everyone counted me out, the naysayers all doubted me, and that was the turning point, the
key factor, the shift in momentum, so silence the critics, send them a message, make a statement, shock the world, get
the monkey off my back.
Because at the end of the day, on any given Sunday, when you step between the ropes, answer the bell, get down in the
trenches, you can throw out the record books, because anything can happen. Buy hey, they don’t play this game on
paper, so let’s tee it up, let’s get it on, let’s get ready to rumble.
I’m not protecting the lead, I’m not capitalizing on their mistakes, errors are costly, I need to regroup, I need to dig
down deep, I need to show some poise, one big shot and I’m right back in it, I gotta put some numbers on the board, or
that’s all she wrote, it’s a long flight home, I’ll have all year to think about it. Still, it ain’t over till it’s over, it ain’t
over till the fat lady sings.
It’s all over but the shoutin’. Turn out the lights, the party’s over. Give him credit, he flat out beat everybody, just
plain outplayed everybody, wanted it more, showed a lotta class, but I need to look in the mirror, this was a real wake-
up call, it just wasn’t my day, but I’m proud of myself, I take full responsibility, it’s been a great ride.
I’ll be back. Looking forward to it.
Trivia
In Caddyshack, what did the bishop yell before being struck by lightning? Consider yourself a golf movie “buff,”
Siskel & Ebert elite league, if you know what Carl takes with him on his nighttime gopher-hunting trip besides his
gun?
They Said It - Bonus
"There are three things wrong with pornographic movies -- they're immoral, they’re degrading, and the lighting is
terrible." – Woody Allen
Waverly Newsletter 2
Op-Ed
A Letter From Tim Bardo, The Waverly Invitational 2001 Champion:
It’s been a few months since being crowned champion of The Waverly Invitational for 2001, and I’m still at a loss for
words to try and explain what it means to finally win. All the hours of preparation for the most grueling 72 holes of
golf anyone can endure have finally paid off. Every year I center my life on this one tournament, the major of all
majors, skipping some of those other events that just don’t mean as much. And now, the dream has come true, and I’ve
got my hands on the coveted plaque, and the title of “The Waverly Invitational Champion.” There may be other
victories in the future…other trophies and plaques on the wall...but nothing quite measures up to this.
I’d like to thank a few special people for all the things they’ve done over the years.
Ricky Lee – for my handicap; and for running a great tournament every year. You’re the greatest. It warms my heart
to know that I can call you a friend. If there’s anything I can do for you, just let me know. Lots of love to you and your
family.
Rudy – for showing me things I’ve only dreamed of; …and thanks for the sponges
Billy Gillette – for the inspiration to never give up; …and the $20 to go up on stage and take pictures of Glori Anne
Woody – for getting a lot better at golf. It used to be painful to watch you play when you first started in the Waverly
Jim Cadden – …and to you, dead and bloated nation of sleepwalkers, so content to drown in your own rancid apathy
that your minds and the minds of your children are being bought and sold on the auction block by swarthy old hogs.
PS – let the man in the box out.
Tom Barnes – for proving that a low handicapper can win, even with all that jewelry on
Marty – for puking on Courtenay – we’ve all wanted to do that at one time or another
Tom Courtenay – for getting puked on by Marty
Patrick English – for proving that no Swing Doc in the world can help you; and for all the useless stock tips – do you
think we have enough intelligence (and money) to actually care? A listing of current beer brand prices would be more
interesting for this group.
Pat Horn – for best accent, proving that NYC people are as dumb as they sound. Tip from the Swing Doc - get the
hell out of the way if your own golf ball is coming back at you!
Greg – for second best accent, proving that southern people are as dumb as they sound
Sammy – for being the only participant who actually lives in Waverly
Ray – for the best BBQs…including his burned up truck. I have nothing bad to say about someone who lives on Long
Island and is nicknamed “The Butcher”
Most importantly, Stan – for dumping the last day so that I could win
I know the responsibilities that come with the title of “The Waverly Invitational Champion” can not be taken lightly,
and I want you all to know, you can count on me to represent The Waverly with honor, and dignity……yeah, right.
Waverly Portfolio
Recommended Buy Price 12/10/01 Profit Comments
IBM Summer 1995 $23 ½ $120 410% 4 bagger in 5 years
Lockheed Martin Summer 1995 $29 ¾ $46 60% Good run since 01/2000
Ingersoll Rand Summer 1997 $41 2/3 $44 1% Hold
Dell Spring 2000 $50 $29 -42% Help Ricky, buy a computer.
McDonalds Winter 1997 $21 ¾ $26 24% Help your gut, buy a burger.
Paychex Winter 1997 $13 3/4 $38 200% 2 bagger in 4 years
Berkshire Hathaway B Winter 1998 $1860 $2,249 21% Hold
Nike Winter 1998 $43 7/8 $54 25% Hold, but I sold (stupid).
The Waverly Port continues to offer satisfactory long-term returns. Forget fads. If you bought $1,000 worth of Nortel
Networks stock a year ago, you would have $67 today. If you bought $1,000 of Budweiser, the beer, not the stock,
drank all the beer and returned the cans for your deposit, you would have $79.
Waverly Newsletter 3
Did You Know:
?? Cyril Walker was dragged away, kicking and screaming, by local police after he was disqualified for slow play
from the 1930 Los Angeles Open. Walker took exception to the ruling and refused to leave the course, requiring
added muscle to be brought in.
?? Not only was the 1962 U.S. Open Jack Nicklaus’ first professional win, but it marked the first time that, to speed
up play, red and yellow pained lines were used to define the margins of a hazard.
News, Notes and Dirt
A few thoughts during a slow day at the office ……. Most, if not all, of the Paradise crowd wasn’t even born yet when
the very first Waverly Invitational took place ……. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a
lot more willing to die ……. Note to the entire Waverly field – Beer is not a protein drink ……. It’s nice to be
important; it’s more important to be nice ……. What ever happened to Meadowlark Lemon ……. I don’t vote, it only
encourages them ……. In the final round, Bardo could only have been stopped if his cart had Firestone tires ……. If
you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip ……. Best Waverly Moment – Being able to scratch
yourself in the manner of a flophouse beagle without your wife/girlfriend nagging you about it ……. A baby-sitter is a
teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers ……. At least one Waverly invitee hooked
up at Paradise, but she had an 11 pm curfew ……. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener ……. Note to
Greg’s kids – buy dad the Hippo driver for Christmas ……. Why do we tend to raise our shoulders when we're out in
the rain? ……. I’d give up golf if I didn’t have so many sweaters ……. Worst Waverly Moment – Witness to another
Waverly participant scratch himself in the manner of a flophouse beagle ……. The key to a successful marriage is not
love, but having low expectations ……. Put your orders, College Meat Center delivers - Call 718-358-6990 today!
Finally
A tribute to my 176 AON colleagues that lost their lives on nine-eleven. The Lord gave them comfort and safe
passage to heaven. I miss them.
Next edition of The Waverly Newsletter: Spring 2002.
Happy Holidays & a Healthy New Year
Trivia answer: Rat farts! & two six-packs.
Waverly Newsletter 4