2013 BODY LANGUAGE TIPS

by The Inner Circle

NEIL S

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BODY LANGUAGE TIPS

Below you will find a few tips I really like... Mirror Imagingby mirroring another persons body language, you will help them feel a lot more comfortable around you as they can see themselves in you. TouchI touch a persons elbow for no more than 3 seconds when talking to them. Just once. Apparently, its a powerful way to build rapport. They dont even notice! When people do it to me, I certainly feel more comfortable. Both come in handy when talking to the ladies and even making friends with the gents. I have heaps more but this will do for now. Love the emails! Tim B. Heres one I think Ive noticed: If youre talking to a girl and another girl comes up and starts talking to you, if the one you were talking to first runs a finger across the top of her forehead as if to adjust her bangs, shes jealous and she feels competed against. Aaron A thing I like to look for in reading body language is if people are pacifying themselves. People tend to rub their upper legs when in a nervous situation. This is due to the fact that the upper leg contains many nerve endings. When seated, some people rub their upper legs/thighs be cause it triggers a reaction that pacifies themselves. Other pacifiers can be: touching the tip of your nose, playing with your hair or your ear, etc. Hope its useful for you. Rob S.

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Assuming youre out and everyone in set is drinking, there are generally two times the group will collectively drink. One is at a moment of social disapproval, where someone says or does something everyone finds awkward. The other is at moments of high elation and laughter, say after a joke has been told. I have made it a decision to never drink the moments of social awkwardness, and to only partakewhen it is a positive event. It is a very passive way of showing you are a positive person. My little addition to the Body of Knowledge, ha ha. Clayton F. Your feet email reminded me of a tip I picked up from author Janine Driver she calls it navel intelligence. The direction someones belly button is pointing indicates where their attention/interest is. If someone points their navel towards you, thats a strong sign of attention/interest, vs. pointing it away meaning the opposite. Another of my favorite body language tells is to watch for signing. People leak their true feelings through hand gestures that have other meanings, so they might give a thumbs up or the ok symbol (subconsciously) when they are at ease/agree with you, but youll see middle fingers, and palms down, when they disagree. David C. Honestly, anything that Neil mentioned in his email post about the Foot Tells can applied to the hands, facial expressions, etc. They are all applicable. Just think about the fact that all body language ordinates from our mind. Really, our body is an extension of our minds in a very literal way. Nighthawk

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My one tell or tip or whatever you want to call it for body language is my old friend and, in some cases, my secret weapon in gauging a womans interest. It is called the Touch Test, as I like to call it. Start in a position when youre either directly next to a woman or across from her. Lets go with the next to example first. As youre next to the lady and youre already getting the general flirtation signs and openness from her, move your knee or leg to touch hers. Dont put an incredible amount of force on. Just enough so you feel a little touch. As she can feel this contact too, you need to look for these two signs: if she either stays there and lets the contact continue, or if she presses back harder. If its the first one, push just a tad more and see how she responds. If its the second, half the work is done. Now have fun with the contact. Move it a little bit, get the shoulder and feet involved. But if you have neither outcome, release the pressure. Its a fun and accurate way to gauge interest and flirt. Tom M. Nervous tics, like face or nose scratchingor any possible form of unnecessary face touchingtend to increase as people get more and more stressed because of their lying. (SOURCE: Liespotting by Pamela Meyer) Set My favourite body language sign is the eyebrows.... I find if they are raised or moving around, then its a good sign they are interested in what youre saying. And if not, wellwe all know how that ends :) Emily G.

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I am reading a very good book at the moment titled You Say More Than You Think by Janine Driver. One of the big things she says to stop doing right away with body language is stop trying to predict and mindread with body language. She says you first need to norm someone for 5-10 minutes on what their normal body language is with their head, shoulders, knees and toes. Once you are aware of their normal body language, you can then read them very well once they make changes to this position. For example, if they close up their shoulders when they are speaking to someone powerful. This tells us a lot in that they are not feeling comfortable speaking to that person. One of the most fascinating things I learnt out of the book was the left side vs. right side theory. The old theory suggested that people have a preference with conversing with someone on their left side and that the right side was their bad side. You would actually subconsciously feel better on the left side. However, she suggests for some it is actually the other way around and you should notice how you feel when talking to someone on each side and on what side you are more confident. I tried this and noticed I preferred conversations with those on my left side, as opposed to my right, and I am much more open in my body language. Hope you find this interesting. Tim Flicking hair insatiably while stopped in a car at a traffic light, or in front of a vanity mirror, indicates a very self-conscious woman. Steven Z.

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Your body language email reminded me of a tip from one of your Inner Circlers a couple of months ago. He said to always notice a womans shoes, and you have a competitive edge. I would agreenot very many straight men can identify a pair of Manolos or Louboutins! So my body language tip is a subconscious tell by women: In general, women do not want to draw attention to their abdomen, the location of the dreaded stomach pooch of fat. But if a woman is pregnant, she tends to unconsciously place a hand protectively over her stomach. This has been a dead giveaway to me over the years, and Ive known someone was pregnant way before the announcement at the end of the first trimester. (When your workplace is 99% women in their 20s-30s, this becomes a reccurring theme!) Now that being said, you should *never* ask a woman if she is pregnant. Either she is, and hasnt decided to tell you yet; or she isnt, and is horrified that her physical appearance has indicated she might be! Either way, youre dead in the water. Vicki J. Thanks for the info. Lately Ive been studying a lot of body language and looking for validation of theories out in public. Barriers: If I see anyone covering any area of their vitals, with anything (beverage, arms, standing chest towards a vehicle if talking in a parking lot, pillow) Its usually due to feeling threatened. Tucking ones chin in also indicates defensiveness, or feeling threatened. Even the hello nod with an acquaintance can indicate this, instead of the opposite upward head motion, as in, Hey, whats up. Mark A.

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Ill keep this short and sweet. The best way to read and counter body language is to take ASL courses. I speak from experience: Im deaf. For the disadvantages in other fields, I make up tremendously in reading body language naturally as it is actually part of our lingual structure. I also teach ASL at an university. I see people improve tremendously in social and conscious skills without even trying. ASL is the way to go. Kenny D. I have actually been paying attention to peoples breathing. ESPECIALLY girls, and I have noticed that at first approach they seem to be breathing a little faster and lighter as they seem to be nervous, but once a connection is built they go into slower deep breaths. I have really paid attention to this, as I think it can be an IOI to a degree. Josh N. My personal favorites, from observation in field: 1. Women tilt their heads when interested. 2.  If she is looking at your eyes then at your lips (triangle look), she wants to be kissed. 3.  Men who look at you and then look down consider themselves inferior to you, women who do that either find you attractive or are very shy. 4.  When the body tells you one thing, but the mouth tells you differentlytrust the body. Bruno P.

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To be honest, I dont know a whole lot about body language, but what I do know is that its simply a reflection of your feelings. I remember going to a college visit and I saw this very sexy girl. She was dressed like a million bucks! And what happened was that when she was walking (never approached her, just watched) her body language just conveyed that value, without her even being aware of it. So I guess my only advice is just groom yourself and youll feel like a boss. What I also like to personally do when I feel like am the king of the world is to kind of train myself to be aware of that moment and I try to be aware of how Im behaving (moving, talking, facial expressions, etc). In conclusion, just look your best and capture those great moments and learn from them. Some things you have to force yourself to learn on your own. Later, theyll feel more natural and spontaneous. Majok A. People often rub their nose when they are lying. Brian P. If a woman plays with her hair she may be interested in you. If its her pubic hair then its a sure thing. ;) Andrew K. To see if anyone is watching her, sometimes a girl will yawn. Watching someone yawn will generally also cause the watcher to yawn. So if she then sees anyone yawning, she knows they were probably watching her. John H.

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My favourite body language tip relates to power postures and the effects they can have on us as individuals. Studies have shown that taking an alpha position, whether standing or seated, makes the individual seem more powerful and confident, not just to others, but to his- or herself as well. It has been observed that the very hormone levels of the individual will change to suit this perception; testosterone levels in men will rise, and cortisol (stress hormone) levels will decrease. So focusing on body language and posture is a great way not just to be seen as more confident, but to truly become a stronger alpha figure. Everlong Overly tilted heads are either a potential sign of sympathy, or if a person smiles while tilting their head, they are being playful and maybe even flirting. Lowered heads indicate a reason to hide something. Take note if someone lowers their head. If it is when he is complimented, he may be shy, ashamed, timid, keeping distance from the other person, in disbelief, or thinking to himself. If it is after an explanation, then he may be unsure if what he said was correct, or he could be reflecting. It should be noted that some cultures see this as a sign of respect. A cocked head means that someone is confused or challenging you, depending on their eye, eyebrow, and mouth gestures. Think of how a dog slightly cocks its head when you make a funny noise. See if theyre mirroring you. If someone mimics your body language, this is a very genuine sign that they are trying to establish rapport with you. Try changing your body position here and there. If you find that they change theirs similarly, they are mirroring. Chris J.

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A possible IOI Ive noticed, but have no idea where I learned it from, is when someone is walking close to you or passes by you they will involuntarily and almost instantly and instinctively shift their eyes towards you and back in a fraction of a second. People that are not interested in you dont do this, Ive noticed. Ive also used this as an opener, and it actually worked pretty well as an ice breaker for a deeper conversation on body language. Alejandro H. My favourite body language secret is looking at a womans lips to subconsciously let her know I want to kiss her. Another one I learned in neuroscience class was that when you move in close to a girl who is interested in you, or if you take a daring move in kino and you look in her eyes, and her pupils dilate very quickly, it is because she has had a quick boost of adrenaline due to her sympathetic nervous system taking effect over her body. Its a good sign that she is interested in you and is feeling butterflies when you touch or make a move on her. Michael M. My favorite body language tip is when someone purses their lips. Almost always its a give away that they are holding something back. Sean A.

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As a bonus, and to keep the email that led you to this PDF to a manageable size, I decided to include this bonus here. Since youve all watched The Society from the start, I thought it would be interesting to get a chance to check in on some of the guys and where they are in their continuing growth today. Obviously, since its a Secret Society, only their initials are used here. NEIL STRAUSS MAY HAVE SAVED MY LIFE I wrote that in my notebook on September 23rd, 2011six days after the first intensive at Neils house in Malibu: On the outside in my life when I decided to join The Society 100, everything was amazing. I was living in a great apartment, dating an amazing woman, and working at one of the biggest companies in the world, managing a $100m book of business. But on the inside, I was an absolute wreck, constantly managing dangerously high levels of anxiety and stress and a lack of real connection with those closest to me. Since then, The Society 100 has turned my emotional life aroundand been transformative for me. I left the job and company and income that way too much of my identity was wrapped up in, started working for myself on my own platform, got married, threw the most kick-ass party I may ever throw, took up healthy practices like meditation, and have made close connections with more people than perhaps in the previous sum of my life. I am looking at the world through entirely different eyes than two years ago, and theres no telling what could surface in year three. I think for the first time Ill be able to see things more for what they are, and to accept and to invite people into my life that I was keeping at bay. J.C., former executive slave to a huge corporation, now a successful entrepreneur with millions in funding

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~ BONUS ~ SOCIETY 2.0: REPORTS FROM THE FRONT LINES OF THE JOURNEY

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ALL THE FRIENDS These past two years have been some of the most remarkable, life-changing times. I have a better understanding of why I would date people for years, yet never was satisfied or ready to get married. This was one of my first dragons to slay and I think Ive cracked the code. I find myself actually thinking about living with someone lately (which I never honestly considered before) and that is a pretty big deal. Im simply much better at handling myself in social situations and am able to talk to nearly anyone. I now have little approach anxiety and even helped a brother or two out with something I would never consider myself good at. My Survival training at one of the Society Intensives came into play when someone decided to unload their pistol while driving down a popular street I was walking down at night. Nobody was hurt but many people freaked out. I stayed relatively calm. Good to know that. Most important, I am grateful for all the FRIENDS! I speak with Society brothers more than my friends from home and my family combined. I cannot even start to express how much that means to me. So many of my Society brothers are really growing and becoming greater people, while so many of my old friends are exactly where they were 5 or 10 years ago. Im glad that I made it a little further up the mountain and know what it means to give a shit about myself and life experiences. Okay, thats sufficient for now. I absolutely have to finish this mini-rant by thanking Neil and all of his supporting cast for the hard work they have put in to change our lives for the better. Its been worth every penny and pain along the way. I believe the group is only going to get stronger. Im proud of all my brothers for kicking ass. And Im proud of me for actually saying fuck it and signing up for something that was well out of my comfort zone in the first place. B.B., manager (and possibly one of the nicest guys youll ever meet)

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BLINDING ACCELERATION Thanks to all of you guysmy brothersits only been a few months and one intensive and my life is accelerating in the positive at a blinding rate. Neil, you can cross off my interview goal of cover my dues off the list. Thank you for the invite to this amazing group. P.B., shipping tycoon (and mega-genius) THE GREATEST HONOR It has been the greatest honor of my life to be included in such a fine group of men, and I mean this with all sincerity. The transformations in my life due to the group have been remarkable and vast. After the last intensive, I asked Neil for his feedback from Day 1 of meeting me to today. His words were deep and powerful, with an emphasis on how composed and confident I am now compared to then, and I couldnt agree more. The success I have had in the last two years has been exponential compared to the last decade, and the main factor has been this groupso for that Im forever grateful to you guys. A.S., who this month was hired as head of a billion-dollar company (and has altruistically shared hundreds of celebrity and executive contacts with his Society brothers) AN EXTRA 100K A YEAR I had a third interview for a job earlier this week, and described myself as being strong on influence and execution and relatively weak on strategy, based on my Strengthsfinder test. They contacted me and said that they would love to work with me in the future, but because of this weakness it wasnt a good fit. Somehow, I didnt agree, and you inspired me to dig a bit deeper. Brought a list of my full 34 strengths, and found that most of my dominant strengths were strategy-related. So, I wrote a carefully thought-out and wellreasoned letter to the COO, which you also inspired me to do. Today she wrote me an email, and gave me a call to offer me the position! If I end up accepting the position, it could mean an extra $100k over the course of this year! E.W., an entrepreneur about to step into the huge job above (also a good friend who helped create the Ambassador program)

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THE PERSON I WAS NO LONGER EXISTS I cannot believe how far Ive come. The person I was just over a year agowhen I walked into Neils house in Malibu for the first intensiveno longer exists. Its astonishing. A.T., urban planner (who is about to buy a gym and start a new career) SUCCEEDING AT MY PASSION I joined the society a year ago. I was living in [name of country withheld], doing a job I hated, looking for what I wanted to do with my life. I was stuck. Fast forward to a year later and now I have an extraordinary ability visa for music in the USA, I live in [name of city withheld], I have been on 47 plane rides in less than a year, I have a supplement company that we are expecting to have our first order ready to ship in a few short weeks, which I couldnt have made a reality without [Society brothers name withheld], and I have started succeeding at my passion, which is my music. J.T., symphony violinist (who moonlights on weekends playing violin with DJs at dance clubs)

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