Here are some surd achievements ********************************* A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper.

Once he was travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was moving very fast and so sardarji s coach was jerking heavily. This made him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the event! ne"t day in the meeting! his first point towards improvement of railway deparrtment was ##There should not be last coach in any train.## $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Banta singh finished his %nglish e"am and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his e"am! for that he replied #%"am was okay! but for the past tense of TH&'(! & thought! thought! thought ... and atlast & wrote TH)'( ***# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +ardar gets an oppurtunity to fly to a near by country. +ardar never has been on an airplane anywhere and got so e"cited and tensed. As soon as he boarded the plane! a BO%&', -.-! started jumping in e"citement! running over seat to seat and shouting BO%&',* BO%&',** BO%&',*** BO%&',.... . He forgets what s around! and even the pilot in the cock/pit could hear the noise. Annoyed by the sound! the 0ilot came out and shouted B% +&1%'T* . There was pin/drop silence every where and everybody is looking at the +ardar and the angry 0ilot. +ardar starred at the 0ilot in silence for a moment and all of a sudden started shouting! O%&', * O%&',** O%&',*** O%&',***... . $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Two +ardarjis went into a pub and after ordering two beers took some sandwiches out of their packets and started to eat them. 2ou can t eat your own sandwiches in here! complained the pub/owner. +o the two sardars swapped their sandwiches. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 3r. 4aswanth singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came to the counter and

person at the counter started preparing bill for the items. +ingh asked # 5here is the fat 6# ! person didn t understand what singh was saying and said # %"cuse me sir! 7AT666# +ardar 8 #2es 7at! ,ive me the fat# +ardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered and 3anager of that grocery stores came there and asked sardar about the problem. Then sardar said! Hey 3anager* 1ook! & took a yogurt from your stores and it was written #7AT 79%%# on that but this guy is not giving me the fat. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ &n a party one of :ail +ingh s friends asked him How many chappathis he could eat in an empty stomach. :ail replied #+even#. Then his friend told him #5hen ) eat the first chappathi your stomach is no longer empty .Then how can ) eat seven 66#. :ail was impressed by this tricky ;uestion. +o as soon as he went back home he asked his wife # How many chappathis can you eat in an empty stomach 66#. +he replied #7ive#. Then :ail told # +hit** &f only you had told seven & had a nice reply for it# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ One day sardarji decides that he is fed up of +ardarji being called fools. +o he decides to fool the others and show them that they too are fools. Our friend goes to the top of (utubminar in delhi and peeps down from the top with a lot of interest. +omebody taps him on the back and asks! #+ardarji what r u looking# our freind replies #sssssshhhhhhh! +tand in the line..# After sometime !somebody asks the same ;uestion to the second guy and he gives the same reply. This goes on . After a while our freind sees that the line has reached the bottom of kutubinar. +o he feels very happy that he has succeeded in fooling so many people < decides to tell turn back. He does so ! and... H% +%%+ A 1&'% O7 +A9=A94& + A11 TH% 5A2 TO TH% BOTTO3 $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +ardar ,urbachan +ingh is appearing for his )niversity final e"amination which consists of 2>' type ;uestions. He takes his seat in the %"amination hall! stares at the ;uestion paper for five minutes! and then in a fit of inspiration takes his wallet out! removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet / 2 for Heads and ' for Tails. 5ithin half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. =uring the last few minutes! he is seen desperatley throwing the coin! swearing

and sweating. The invigilator!alarmed! approaches him and asks what is going on. #Oye! & finished the e"am in half an hour#. #But yaar#! he says! # & am rechecking my answers.# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Here is the unpublished paper for 0%3%% ?0unjab %ngineering and 3edical %ntrance %"amination@ /0)'4AB %',&'%%9&', < 3%=&AA1 %'T9A'A% %BA3/ Time 1imit8 D. E. C 5eeks

5hat language is spoken in Tamil 'adu 6 ,ive a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian %mpire with particular reference to architecture! literature! law and social conditions

/O9/ give the first name of 0ierre Trudeau. C. 5ould you ask 5illiam +hakespeare to ?a@ build a bridge ?b@sail the ocean ?c@ lead an army or ?d@ 59&T% A 01A2 5hat religion is the 0ope6

..

?a@ 4ewish ?b@ Aatholic ?c@ Hindu ?d@ 0olish ?e@ Agnostic ?check only one@ F. 3etric conversion. meters6 H. How many feet is G.G

5hat time is it when the big hand is on the DE and the little hand is on the F6

-. How many commandments was 3oses given6 ?appro"imately@ I. J. DG. 5hat are people in &ndia s far north called6 ?a@ 5esterners ?b@ +outherners ?c@ 'ortherners +pell/ Bush! Aarter and Alinton +i" kings of &ndia have been called Akbar !the last one being Akbar the +i"th. 'ame the previous five. ?a@ 3acy s ?b@ a

DD. 5here does rain come from6 -/DD ?c@ Aanada ?d@ the sky

DE. Aan you e"plain %instein s Theory of 9elativity6 ?a@ yes ?b@ no

DC.

5hat are coat hangers used for6

D.. The #4ana ,ana 3ana # is the 'ational Anthem for what country6 DF. %"plain 1e Ahateliers 0rinciple of =ynamic %;uilibrium /O9/ spell your name in B1OA( 1%TT%9+. DH. 5here is the basement in a three story building located6 D-. 5hich part of &ndia produces the most oranges6 ?a@,ujarat ?b@ 9ussia ?c@ Aanada ?d@ 0akistan

DI. Advanced math. &f you have three apples how many apples do you have6 DJ. EG. 5hat does A&9 ?All &ndia 9adio@ stand for6 The )niversity of Ahandigarh tradition for efficiency began when ?appro"imately@6 ?a@ B.A. ?b@ A.=. ?c@ still waiting

2ou must answer at least three ;uestions correctly to ;ualify. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ A sardarji is standing on platform no.D waiting for the punjab mail toarrive. There is an anouncement #0assengers to note.. Train no EC. dn 0unjab mail from 'ew =elhi will be arriving on KplatformK no.D shortly.# Hearing this sardarji gets panicky..He immediately picked up his baggage! jumped on to the railway track and stood there.. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +ardarji is not sleeping with his wife these days because somebody had told him that it is wrong to sleep with married women..

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 7ifteen minutes into the flight from (ansas Aity to Toronto! the captain announced! #1adies and gentlemen! one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled! but we still have three engines left.# Thirty minutes later the captain announced! #One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don t worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines.# An hour later the captain announced! #One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don t worry ... we still have one engine left.# A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the ne"t seat and remarked! #&f we lose one more engine! we ll be up here all day*# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ =iana murder mystery solved The latest theory is that the driver of the 3ercedes! Henri 0aul! was actually a sardar whose family migrated to 7rance when he was C yrs old. His name was Harvinder +ingh 0al! and later he changed it to Henri 0aul. But what is in a name! after all * Once a surd! always a surd * And so when the 0aparaLLi chasing the car shouted =iana! =iana ! at IG mph ! Harvinder tried to take a right turn.? daina right in hindi ........... The rest! as they say! is history **....................@ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a +ardarji! one was 4ewish! and one was &talian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one ;uestion and base his decision upon that answer. 5hen the 4ewish man arrived for his interview! the chief asked him! #5ho killed 4esus Ahrist6# The 4ewish man answered without hesitation #The 9omans killed him.# The chief thanked him and he left. 5hen the &talian man arrived for his interview! the chief asked the same ;uestion. He replied #4esus was killed by the 4ews.# Again! the chief thanked the man who then left. 7inally the +ardarji arrived for his interview! he was asked the same ;uestion. He thought for a long time! before saying! #Aould & have some time to think about it6# The chief said! #O(! but get back to me

tomorrow.# 5hen the +ardarji arrived home! his wife asked #How was the interview 6#. 0at came the reply! #,reat! & got the job! and & m already investigating a murder. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ One day there was a Bihari going in a 7iat Aar at .F(30H on a high way and enjoying his drive. +uddenly a +ardaji came Booiiiiiiiiinnnnnnn on a Honda and peeped into the car and shouted at the Bihari / (abhi honda chalaya kya6 and sped off! The Bihari was surprised but he did not bother. After some time the +ardarji came Booiiiinnnnnnnnnnn... in the opposite direction! peeped into the car and shouted again kabhi honda chalaya kya6 and sped off ! This time the Bihari was annoyed ! since the sardar was teasing about his driving. After some time again the +ardar came back speeding and said the same thing peeping into the car . The Bihari was about to say something but the +ardar sped off. This time the Bihari increased his speed but suddenly stopped as he found the +ardar lying on the road! bleeding. He got down and mocked at the sardar (yon +ardarji ! (abhi Honda chalaye kya6 The sardar said 5ohi to puch raha tha ! 3ein Brakes ke liya doond raha tha $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +anta and Banta +ingh were bitter enemies. +anta lived on the Dst and Banta on the -th floor of the same building. One day the lift was out of order and Banta +ingh decided to play a trick on +anta and called him for dinner to his house at -8CG pm. +o +anta huffing and puffing manages to reach the -th floor. To his dismay he finds a big lock on the door and a message / HA HA )11) BA'A =&A* +anta is angry but thinks a lot and finally writes his reply below Banta s message / 3A&' TO 2AHA' AA2A H& 'AH&' THA** $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

There was a +ardarji who was down on his luck. &n order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. He went to the playground! grabbed a kid! took him behind a tree! and told him! #& ve kidnapped you.# The +ardarji then wrote a note saying8 #& ve kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning! put MDG!GGG in a paper bag < put it beneath the mango tree ne"t to the slide on the north side of the city play ground#. +igned! #A +ardarji#. The +ardarji then pinned the note to the kid s shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The ne"t morning the +ardarji checked! and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath the mango tree. The +ardarji opened up the bag and found the MDG!GGG with a note saying! #How could you do this to a fellow +ardarji 6*# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Hi friends! 1et us take a look at the report submitted by sardar to his manager after completing his 2E( verification task. **********sardar.t"t********** =ear +ir! Our staff has completed the DI months of work on time and on budget. 5e have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. 5e have analyLed all databases! all data files! including backups and historic archives! and modified all data to reflect the change. 5e are proud to report that we have completed the #2/to/(# date change mission! and have now implemented all changes to all rams and all data to reflect your new standards8 4anuark! 7ebruark! 3arch! April! 3ak! 4une! 4ulk! August! +eptember! October! 'ovember! =ecember As well as8 +undak! 3ondak! Tuesdak! 5ednesdak Thursdak! 7ridak! +aturdak & trust that this is satisfactory! because to be honest! none of this 2 to ( problem has made any sense to me. But & understand it is a global problem! and our team is glad to help in any way possible. And what does the year EGGG have to do with it6 +peaking of which! what do you think we ought to do ne"t year when the two digit year rolls over from JJ to GG6 5e ll await your direction.# Nery +incerely &O +ingh 2E( 0roject leader $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ H%9% A9% +O3% +A9=A94& 4O(%+ ......... %'4O2

2ou should be sure the person is +ardar when he8

0uts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind. ,ets stabbed in a shoot out. +ends a fa" with a postage stamp on it. Tries to drown a fish in waters. Thinks socialism means partying. Trips over a cordless phone. Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept. At the bottom of the application where it says #+ign Here# he puts #+agittarius.# +tudies for a blood test and fails. +ells the car for gas money. 3isses the .. bus! and takes the EE twice instead. =rives to the airport and sees a sign that said! #Airport left#! he turns around and goes home. ,ets locked in 7urniture +hop and sleeps on the floor. O8 #Have you ever read +hakespeare6# #'o! who wrote it6# +ardar8

+ardar ordered a piLLa and the clerk asked if he should cut it in si" or twelve pieces. #+i"! please. & could never eat twelve pieces.# 5hy did DI sardarjis go to a movie6 DI was not allowed. Because below

How do you measure a +ardar s intelligence6 +tick a tire pressure gauge in his ear. 5hat do you do when a +ardar throws a pin at you6 9un like Hell....he s got a hand grenade in his mouth. How do you make a +ardar laugh on +aturday6 him a joke on 5ednesday. Tell

5hat is the +ardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears6 Trying to hold on to a thought. 5hy do +ardars work seven days a week6 don t have to re/train them on 3onday. +o you

5hy can t +ardars make ice cubes6 forget the recipe.

They always He threw

How did the +ardar try to kill the bird6 it off a cliff.

5hat do you call DG +ardars standing ear to ear6 A wind tunnel. 5hat do you see when you look into a +ardar s eyes6 The back of his head. 5hat do you do when a +ardar throws a hand grenade at you6 0ull the pin and throw it back. 5hat do you call a sardar who drinks only beer6 4ust/beer +ingh ? T silent*@. 5hat do you call a sardar who has only one drink6 4ust/one +ingh.?Again! T silent@ 5hy do +ardars always smile during lightning storms6 They think their picture is being taken. 5hy does +ardar have #T,&7# written on their shoes6 Toes ,o &n 7irst. How can you tell when +ardar sends you a fa"6 has a stamp on it. 5hy can t +ardar dial JDD6 eleven on the phone &t

They can not find the

How do you get +ardar on the roof6 drinks are on the house.

Tell him the

#Oh! look at the dead bird.# +ardar looked skyward and said #5here! 5here6 5hat do smart +ardars and )7Os have in common6 2ou always hear about them but you never see them. 5hy does it take longer to build a +ardar snowman as opposed to a regular one6 2ou have to hollow out the head. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +A9=A9 + B35 B35 cars were having back mounted engines earlier. +ardar Hari +ingh 0urchased a new B35 and was driving back to home very happily. On the way the car broke down. +ardarji came out of the car and opened the bonnet! trying to fi" up the problem. &mmediately began to sweat. By that time +ardar

,ani +ingh came by that way and saw our sardarji! totally confused and sweating! trying to search something inside the bonnet! and asked him what was the matter. Hari +ingh8 #The B35 people made me fool. They have given me the Aar without the engine.# ,ani +ingh8 #=on t worry. & have spare engine in the back of my B35. 2ou can take that.# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ TO 1OO+% 5%&,HT... The doctor told +ardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for CGG days! he would loose C. kilos. At the end of CGG days! +ardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight! but he had a problem. #5hat s the problem6#asked the doctor. #& m [Link] kms from home.# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +0A9% BO3B +ardars Hari +ingh and ,ani +ingh got fed up with the &ndian ,ovt and decided to blow up the parliament. They took E bombs! put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off. Hari +ingh asks #5hat happens if the bombs blast off now#. ,ani +ingh says #=on t worry. & have a spare bomb in the back seat# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +ardars Hari +ingh and ,ani +ingh walked toward each other on a country road. Hari +ingh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder. #Hey Bhai!# ,ani +ingh drawled! #what s in the bag6# #Ahickens!# was the reply. #&f & guess how many! can & have one6# #2ou can have both of them.# #O(! 7ive6# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Our +ardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on a manhole cover yelling #IH! IH! IH#. He asks the man! #%"cuse me! but why are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling IH! IH! IH 6# The man says! #5ell! & can t tell you that! but if you really want to know! & can let you go under there and find out. He thinks for a moment! then his curiosity gets the better of him! and he says! Okay.# The man lifts the manhole cover! He steps into the manhole! and the man puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling #I-! I-! I-#... $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

%301O23%'T6 Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled 'A3%!A,%!A==9%++ etc. Then he came to the column +alary %"pected 8 He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote 8 2es $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ AT &'=O/0A( 5A9 Once in the &ndo 0akistan war! 0akistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called ,urudwara hideout was crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but! suddenly out of the bushes jumps Aptn. Hari +ingh wearing a 3aachar dani* ?mos;uito net@ He 0ulls out his A(/.- rifle and fires like mad. The pakistanis run off ;uickly. The ne"t day Hari +ingh gets a [Link] freinds ask him #2aar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha6# Hari +ingh replies #3aachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agar maachar nahin ghus sakte! goli kahan se ghussenghi6 &n the following war Hari +ingh retires and his son ,ani +ingh ?'o Assumptions 0lease*@ joins the army. 0akistanis are again surrounding the ,urudwara hideout! the sikhs again think they ve lost the war but out of the bushes erupts ,ani +ingh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot.&n the hospital his friends tell him #aare yaar! therre bap me to itni akal thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha! aur tu nunga chale gaya# ,ani +ingh replies #aare yaar main tho odomos lage ke gaya tha#* $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ H%&,HT+ O7 9%N%',% Talking about those days when there were no mos;uito repellents and wehad to spend sleepless nights. +ardarji was also e"periencing the same every time he tries to sleep!one mos;uito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound #guooonn! guooonn.# He getsvery irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. )ltimately he gets up and catches the mos;uito in his [Link] is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says #so ja

machchar! bete so ja#. After some time he finds the mos;uito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. +o he goes near it and says #,uoooonnnnn! guoooonnnnn.# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ =O)B1% =%A(%9 B)+ 9&=% +anta +ingh and Banta +ingh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double/ decker bus. +anta +ingh somehow managed to get a bottom seat! But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over! +anta went upstairs to see friend Bannta +ingh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands! scared to death. He says! #Are Banta +ingh* 5hat the heck s goin on6 5hy are you so scared 6 & was enjoying my ride down there 6# +cared Banta replies. #2eah! but you ve got a driver. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ AHA'=&,A9H O9 4A1A'=HA9 sardar was going to Ahandigarh from pune by a air/india plane. He was alloted the middle seat of one of the C/seats array. But as soon as the sardarji got into the plane! he sat on the window side seat which was actually for an old [Link] some time the old lady came and re;uested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the +ardaji told8 #& want to see the view from the window and shall not leave#. The old lady then complained to the air hostess. The air hostess came and re;uested the sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adament and did not to leave. Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and re;uested! but in vain. 7inally the Aaptain came. He whispered something in the ears of the +ardarji! and the sardarji immedietly left theside seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished! the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the [Link] he told to the +ardarji Aapt. replied8 #nothing. & just told him that only the middle seats will go to Ahandigarh. All others will go to 4alandhar.# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +A9=A9 TH&%7 +anta +ingh was shifting his residence. He was packing his belongings. By midnight hewas too tired and doLed off with the house door open. A sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables.

Banta +ingh found it very amusingP the thief was doing the job for him* #5hen this smart guy finishes packing! & will catch him#. Banta was a hefty guyP so when the burglar finished packing! Banta +ingh jumped on him and tied him up. Then he went to the police station and reported the matter. #5hat did you do to the thief#6 #& tied his handsP you come and collect him#. #& hope you tied his legs too#. Banta +ingh felt a cold feeling in his spineP he had forgotten about the legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered up and said! #&nspector +ab! the thief! he will still be there#. #How do you know#6 #5ell! that fellow is also a +ardarji#. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ (HA1&+TA' 4O(%+ (halistan 'ational =rink8 (halistan 'ational Bird8 &nternational Airline8 'ational Airline8 'ational Anthem8 +arbat (halsa. Tandoori Ahicken. (itthe 0acific.

&tthe 0acific. +ten/a gun/a man/a (ar +eva.

'ational Ta"i +ervice8 'ational song8

Bande marte hum. Hard (aur.

7emale terrorist8 'ational dish8

A(A1&/=AA1. 4)11/)'=%9 +&',H. 4)11)'=%9 +&',H ,&11.

+ikh scuba diver8

Better adapted sikh diver8

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 09O7%++O9 +A9=A9 +ardar +ingh was very keen on doing his 0h.=. He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before* As he was thinking over it! he found a cockroach on the table in from of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the roach. He picked the roach and put it in the centre of the table and said8 #9un#. The roach ran. He pulled out one leg of the roach! put it again in the centre of the table and said8 #9un#. The roach ran. He pulled one more leg of the roach! put it again in the centre of the table and said8

#9un#. The roach ran. This way the roach tried to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled last leg of the roach! put it again in the centre of the table and said8 9un#. The roach could not* Our 0rofessor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis8 #5hen you pull out all the legs of a roach! it cannot hear anymore#. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ AO1O9 TN +ardarji is buying a TN.#=o you have color TNs6# #+ure.# #,ive me a green one! please.# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ A9OAO=&1% BOOT+ +ardarji proposes to a woman. +he says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. 7inally a search is being made! they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile! checks its legs and angrily e"claims #-Dst and again barefeet*# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 1O', 71&,HT +ardarji calls Air &ndia. #How long does it take to fly to Amritsar6# # 4ust a sec!# comes an answer #Thank you.# says the +ardarji and hangs up* $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ T9A&' TO 1)=H&A'A +ardars Hari +ingh and ,ani +ingh are in a railway station. Hari +ingh asks the clerk8 #Aan & take this train to 1udhiana6# #'o!# answers the 9ailway man. #Aan &6# asks ,ani +ingh. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +ardars Business There were . sardars in 3umbai. They decided to start a business. After considerable discussion they finally decided to start a hotel. They selected the best of locations and cooks and built the hotel. The hotel was inaugurated and was awaiting its first customer. The sardars waited and waited but nobody turned up. The story was the same the ne"t day. A week passed! but nobody turned up. 5H2 6 ........... B coL there was a sign at the entrance

#Nisitors not allowed# After the failure of their hotel they decided to start an auto garage. They bought the best of car servicing e;uipment s and soon started the garage. The . sardars waited that day for the first car to arrive but no car entered their garage. They waited for one day! E days! a week but no car came to their garage. 5H2 6 B coL their garage was on the first floor. After this failure they decided to fall back on the good old ta"i driving. They bought a new 0remier 0admini running on A', and began to look for passengers. They drew past Ahurchgate but nobody hailed their ta"i. They went to 'ariman point yet nobody hailed their ta"i. They drove to Ahatrapati +hivaji Terminus! even there nobody hailed their ta"i. &n desperation they kept on driving all around 3umbai but alas no one hailed their ta"i. 5H2 6 B coL all the four sardars were sitting in the ta"i** All the . sardars were very disgusted with their naseeb and decided to push their ta"i into the sea at 3arine 1ines. They started pushing their ta"i. They pushed the whole day and were very e"hausted but the ta"i did not move even an inch. They decided to rest for the night and start the ne"t day. The ne"t day the story repeated itself. The ta"i just wouldn t move. They pushed for a whole week but the ta"i wouldn t budge. 5H2 6 B coL two sardarjis were pushing from front and two from behind. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +uicidal +ardar An American! an &talian and a +urd were doing construction work on scaffolding on the EGth floor of a building... They were eating lunch and the American said! #Aorned beef and cabbage* &f & get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch & m going to jump off this building.# The &talian opened his lunch bo" and e"claimed! #0asta again* &f & get pasta one more time & m going to jump off! too.# The +urd opened his lunch and said! #0aratha and dal again. &f & get paratha and daal one more time & m jumping too.# 'e"t day / The American opens his lunch bo"! sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The &talian opens his lunch! sees pasta and jumps The +urd opens his lunch! sees paratha and daal and jumps to his death also... At the funeral..... The American s wife is weeping...+he says! #&f & d known how really tired he was of corned beef < cabbage! & never would have given it to him again* The &talian s wife also weeps and says # & could have given him piLLa or lasagna* & didn t realiLe he hated pasta so much.# %veryone turned and stared at the +urd s wife... #Hey! don t look at me!# she said! #He makes his own lunch*#

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +urd 7reedom 7ighters Once there was a meeting of all the +urd freedom fighters. They were planning for free 0unjab. +anta +ingh raised a point! #Oh.. we ll get 0unjab from &ndia but how would we develop it6# That was a difficult ;uestion indeed. +uddenly Banta +ingh replied! #'o problem* we ll attack )+A! it would take over us and then we would be a state of )+A and we ll automatically get developed.# All the surds became happy on this very simple solution but an old surd did not utter a single word. +omeone asked him why he wasn t happy. The surd replied! #OH* THAT + A19&,HT B)T..5HAT 5O)1= HA00%' &7 B2 AHA'A% 5% TA(% ON%9 )+A 66666# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +urd with his new 3aruti +ardarji bought a brand new 3aruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar! where he lived! to 4alandhar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there! he decided to return! and called up his mother to e"pect him in the evening. But he didn t reach in the evening! and not the ne"t day either. 5hen he finally reached home on the third day! his disrtraut mother ran and asked him # Arre 0uttar! ki hoya 6# The sardarji got out! obviously very tired from a long journey! and said! #Oy! ye 3rutti wale pagal ho gaye nain! agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaae nain! aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik 6# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The Train =river One train which was going peacefully on the rail/tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified. On the ne"t 9ailway station the driver was caught 8 He was found to be a +ardar. 5hen he was ;uestioned. He e"plained that there was a man standing on the track and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc . Then authorities ;uestioned 8 +ardarji are you mad* just to save life of one person you put life of so many passengers under danger. 2ou should have run over that person . +ardar said 8 %"actly! that is what & also decided! but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The ,raffiti +anta +ingh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. &t

read #0adne waala gadha.# ?one who reads this is an ass@ +anta +ingh sat on a nearby bench! and after much thought erased it and wrote #1ikhne waala ,hadah#. ?One who wrote this is an ass@ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

+ardarji is traveling in the same train compartment with a girl. He pulls out a metal plate and starts playing it #=ing. =ing.=ing.# The girl gets annoyed #2ou stop that.# He stops and they travel for a while. Then when the night comes the girl takes off her clothes! looks at him and asks #=o you want to do &T6# He says #2es#. #,oahead.# He pulls out his plate and starts playing #=ing. =ing. =ing.# **************************************************** %liLabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. %verybody around greeted her. +ince the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. +he saw our +ardar Balwinder +ingh who was sitting ne"t to a vacant seat.+he went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool se"y voice! #Hi! & am %liLabeth Taylor... 1iL to you.# Balwinder was bewildered but immediately responded! #Hi & am Balwinder .. Balls to you.# **************************************************** Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. +o the other asked!#5hy are you crying6# The first one replied! #& came here for blood test# +econd one asked!#+o6 Are you afraid6# 7irst one replied!#'o! not that. =uring the blood test they cut my finger# Hearing this the second one started [Link] first one was astonished and asked other! #5hy are you crying6# The other replied!#& have come for my urine test.# **************************************************** There were these three guys! a surd! an &talian! and a 4ewish [Link] all worked together at a factory. %veryday they notice that theirboss leaves work a little early. +o one day they meet together and say that today when the bossleaves! they ll all leave early too. The boss left and so did they. The4ewish guy goes home and goes to rest so he can get an early start. The&talian guy goes home and cooks dinner. Our Banta goes home and walks to his bedroom.... He opens the door slowly and sees his wife in bed with his boss..*

He shuts the door and hurries out of the house* The ne"t day the &talian and 4ewish guys are talking and plan to go home early again. They ask Banta if he wants to leave early againand he says!#no.# They ask him why not and he says! #because yesterday & almost got caught.# ************************************************** There s a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. Allthe sardars in the mayyat are dancing the bhangra and singing and general balle balle is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its a marriagebaarat. +o one of them asks +anta +ingh! #+ingh saab! aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach raheho6# ...... comes the reply! #Ha ji * Hai hi baat bade khushi ki *** Aaj paheli baar ek sardar *brain* tumour se mara hai ****# ************************************************* +anta and Banta work in a software company. One day! they were to move their m>cs to another building. Banta was having a tough timecarrying his machine. +anta 8 #3y m>c has FGG 3B disk. +ee how easily & am carrying it. 2ours has just EFG 3B. Aan t you carry even this much6# Banta 8 #But yours is empty and my disk is full#*** ********************** Having lost his donkey a +ardarji! got down to his knees and started thanking ,od. A passerby saw him and asked! #2our donkey is missingP what are you thanking ,od for 6# The sardarji replied #& am thanking Him for seeing to it that &wasn t riding the donkey at that time! otherwise & would have been missingtoo.# *********************** A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor askedhim what had happened to his ears and he answered! #& was ironing a shirtand the phone rang / but instead of picking up the phone & accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.# #Oh =ear*# the doctor e"claimed in disbelief. #But .. what happenedto your other ear6# #The scoundrel called back.# ********************* Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job . He promptly filled the columns titled 'A3%!A,%!A==9%++ etc. Then the column +%B. He

was not sure as to what to be filled there. Aftermuch thought he wrote TH9&A% A 5%%(. On seeing this in his appln. form!he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filledwas either 3A1% or 7%3A1%. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer 09%7%9AB12 7%3A1%+. ********************* +anta +ingh and Banta +ingh were sitting on a tree and +anta +inghwas singing a song. After . songs +anta +ingh hung himself upside downand started singing again. Banta +ingh 8 +anta +ingh what is the matter with you6 5hy are youhanging upside down6 +anta +ingh 8 & am singing the B side. ******************* +ardarji goes to the movies and he happens to be going for everyshow of the same movie for a week! when someone stops him and asks! #(yonsardarji! itni aachi lagi kya ki roL har show ke liye aar rahe ho6# +ardarji replies #%k scene hai jahan ek ladki apne sare kapde utardeti hai lekin thabhi ek saali train saamne se nikal jati hai. +aalitrain kabhi na kabhi to late aayegi heh heh*# ****************** +ardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and hetakes along some wine and chicken with him. +omebody stops him and asks! #kyon bhai! ye sab kyon leke baithe ho6# +ardarji replies #+aali train late aati hai kahin bhook se namarjaun# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ mother of a sarder wrote...... 0yaarey puttar! & m writing this letter slow! because & know you cannot read fast. 5e don t live where we did when you left home. 2our dad read in the paper that most accidents happen EG miles from your home! so we moved. & won t be able to send you the address as the last +ardar who stayed here took the house numbers with them for their ne"t house!so they couldn t have to change their address. This place is really nice. &t even has a washing machine situated right above the commode. & m not sure it works too well. 1ast week & put in C shirts! pulled the chain and haven t seen them since. The weather here isn t too bad. &t rained only twice last week. The first it rained for C days and second time for . days. The coat you

wanted me to send you! your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons! so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. 2our father has another job. He has FGG people under him. He is cutting the grass at the cemetery. 2our sister had a baby this morning. & haven t found out whether it s a girl or a boy! so & don t know whether you are an Aunt or )ncle. 2our uncle! 4atinder fell in a the nearby well. +ome men tried to pull him out! but he fought them off bravely and drowned. 5e re/cremated him and he burned for three days. 2our best friend!Balwinder is no more. He died trying to fulfill his father s last wishes. His father had wished to be buried in the sea after he [Link] friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father. There isn t much more news this time. 'othing much has happened. 1ove 3om. 0. + 8 & was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The +ardarni asked her lover! +anta +ingh were out on a romantic evening. +he said to him! #+anta =arling! if we get engaged will you give me a ring6# #+ure# replied +anta #5hat s your phone number6# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////// A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. 7inally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. 'ow! the Bihari thinks he s in big trouble because he knows only sardar jokes*After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to sardars in his joke with Biharis . He starts the jokes with! #There was once a Bihari...# And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts! #(yon be* +ab sardar mar gaye hai kya6# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////// +anta +ingh applied for an engineering position at an 3'A office in Amritsar. 9eddy from Ahennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same ;ualifications were asked to take a test by the =epartment manager.)pon completion of the test! the results showed that both men only

missed one of the ;uestions. The manager went to +anta and said! #Thank you for your interest! but we ve decided to give the job to 9eddy#.+anta8 #And why would you be doing that6 5e both got J ;uestions correct. This being 0unjab & should get the job*# 3anager8 #5e have made our decision not on the correct answers! but on the one ;uestion that you got wrong.# +anta8 #And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other6# 3anager8 #+imple! for the ;uestion that both of you got wrong! 9eddy put down & don t know as the [Link] you wrote 'either do & *# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////// 7&9+T 79&%'=8 +%AO'= 79&%'=8 7&9+T 79&%'=8 2ou know! & faced a tiger today* Oh really! what happened6 The tiger looked into my eyes and &

looked into his eyes... +%AO'= 7&9+T8 7&9+T 79&%'=8 +%AO'= 79&%'=8 7&9+T 79&%'=8 Loo... Then what happened6 Then & moved forward... 5hat* & had to see other animals in the

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////// A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the 4ullundhur Loo. (nowing that he could hop high! the Loo officials put up a ten/foot fence. He was out the ne"t morning! just sauntering around the Loo. A twenty/foot fence was put up. Again he got out. 5hen the fence was forty feet high! a camel in the ne"t enclosure asked the kangaroo! #How high do you think they ll go6# The kangaroo said! #About a thousand feet! unless somebody locks the gate at night*# //////////////////////////////////////////////////////// +anta +ingh was brought to court on charges of drunken driving. 4ust before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted! #Order* Order*# +anta responded immediately! #Thank you ! your honour* & ll have a scotch and soda.#

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////// +anta +ingh and Banta +ingh were discussing how they would like to die. +anta said! #5hen & die! & want to go peacefully like my ,randfather did! in his sleep. & don t want to die screaming like some of his friends! who also died at the same time.# Banta asked! #How did his friends die screaming while your grandfather died sleeping peacefully6# +anta +ingh replied! #His friends were the passengers in the car he was driving.# /////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// // sardar jokes......... A number of &ndians were discussing who the most 0atriotic &ndian citiLen was. +ome said they always saluted the 'ational flag wherever were and hence were the most patriotic. Others said that whenever they heard the national anthem being sung! howsoever faintly! they immediately stood at attention. 1ikewise everyone was boasting about how patriotic he>she was. A +ardarji from 0unjab was keeping mum while the discussion happened. %verybody asked him why he was so ;uiet. +ome even remarked that the +ardarji was not a true patriot and hence had nothing to say. Hearing this the +ardarji immediately flew into a rage. #& have kept ;uiet till now only because & was felt like crying on hearing your foolish talk about patriotism. How does it benefit the 'ation if you salute the 7lag or do stand at attention on hearing the national anthem6 A true patriot should be like me. CHF days! E. hours my radio set is tuned to 0akistan 9adio at full volume#. #But how is that a patriotic act6# someone asked. The +ardarji said! #Arrey you don t understand. &f nothing else we can at least harm the 0akistanis by consuming as much of their electricity as possible#. ///////////////////////////////// D@ A sardarji joined a big 3ulti 'ational Aompany as a trainee. On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the phone!#Abey saale* ,et me a coffee ;uickly*# The voice from the other side responded!#2ou fool you ve dialed the wrong e"tension* =o you know who you re talking to! dumbo6# #'o#! replied the trainee. #&t s the 3anaging =irector of the company! you fool*# The

sardarji shouted back! #And do you know who 2O) are talking to! you fool6# #'o.#! replied the 3anaging =irector. #,ood*#! replied the sardarji and put down the phone* *********************** E@ One Train which was going peacefully on the rail tracks suddenly deviated from the tracks and went to the fields nearby and then came back on the tracks. The passengers were horrified . On the ne"t railway station the driver was caught 8 He was found to be a +ardar. He was ;uestioned. He e"plained that there was a man standing on the tracks and he was not moving from there even after lots of honks etc. The Authorities ;uestioned 8 +ardarji are you mad* 4ust to save the life of one person you put the lives of so many passengers in danger*6 2ou should have run over that person. +ardarji said8 %"actly* That is what i also decided !but this idiot started running towards the field when the train came very close* *********************** C@ A sardar wanted to sell his old battered maruti car which had done more than DGG!GGGkms. +ince no body was inclined to buy it! he approached his friend to help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter reading reduced to around CG!GGG kms so that he could tell the prospective customer that it has been used [Link] sardar liked the idea. A few weeks later the same friend met him and en;uired whether he was able to dispose off his car. The sardar replied! #Are you mad6 5ho sells a car which has done only CGGGGkms*# *********************** .@ Two fast friends! +anta +ingh and Banta +ingh! were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other! and tell the other about the Aricket life in the heaven. +anta +ingh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep! he heard +anta calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there. #+o! +anta* How is cricket in heaven6# +anta replied! #Hey Banta! & have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day < night match here in heaven. And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tommorrow s match*# ***********************

+ardarji8 #Arre yaar* & lost MDGGG today 7riend8 #How come6# +ardarji8 #& bet MFGG that &ndia would win the match against 0akistan and &ndia lost# 7riend8 #That e"plains MFGG. 5hat about the other MFGG6# +ardarji8 #5ell! later that evening they were showing the highlights and & bet MFGG on &ndia winning .......... again****# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +ardarji praising his son who is a Aivil engineer! who just laid a road near his house. #5ow* This is terrific* 1ook at the job he has done* ............ The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house********# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ One sardar came to 3adras and wanted to do shopping in burma baLaar. His tamilian friend told the +ardar that the prices will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the price. +ardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told EGGG 9s. +ardar asked for [Link] told he can give for [Link] for which sardar told no!no only [Link]. Nendor told ok ! i will give it for DFGG 9s for which sardar bargained for 9s.-FG.&t was going on like this when finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the +ardar the stereo free of cost. Our sardar asked whether he will give two. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Two sardarjis stayed in the same building. One on the first floor and the other one on the eight floor. Both were great enemies. One day the sardarji on the eight floor thought to fool the one on the first floor. He invited him for dinner. 5hen the sardarji reached the eight floor ! he found his door locked and a board at his door # (aisa bewkoof banaya # . +ardarji felt embarrased and to outplay him! he wrote down8# # 3ain to yaha aya hi nahi tha# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Two +ardarjis ?pilots@ try to land an airplane in the [Link] start descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream the runway is ending...#. The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn

and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground! the pilot scream again #,et the plane up! the runaway is ending...#. The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again. ... =uring their fourth descent the pilot says 8 #1ook at those stupid Americans! they build this huge < e"pensive airport but with such a short runaway..#! ##& know# answers the second pilot! #But look how wide they made it....## $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ A sardarji once took an answering machine home in 0unjab and disconnected it within a couple of days because he was getting complaints from his relatives like #+aala phone utha ke bolta hai ki ghar pe nahin hai# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +ardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes some wine and chicken with him. +omebody stops him and asks him #(yon bhai ye sab leke kyon baithe ho6# +ardarji replies #+aali train late aati hain ........ kahin bhook se na marjaoon*# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +anta +ingh had his .th child. He fills the data in the birth/certificate8 3other8 +ikh. 7ather8 +ikh. Baby8 Ahinese. #How come you re writing Ahinese when both parents are +ikh6#! asks the doctor. +anta +ingh replies! #& have read in a newspaper! that every .th person born on the earth now is Ahinese.# $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk! #5hat is that shiny object6# The clerk replies! #That is a thermos flask.# The sardar then asks! #5hat does it do6# The clerk responds! #&t keeps Hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold.# The sardar says! #& ll take it*# The ne"t day! he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss sees him and asks! #5hat is that shiny object with you6# He said! #&t s a thermos flask.# The boss then says! #5hat does it do6# He replies! #&t keeps hot Things hot and cold things cold.# The boss said! #5ow! what do you have in it6# The sardar replies! #Two cups of coffee and a coke.#

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 5hat will a +ardarji do after taking photocopies 6 He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes ** $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ 5hat will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper 6 he already has one and he wants one more..@ He takes a photcopy of the white paper *** $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +ardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. #& would like to buy this small TN!# he told the salesman. #+orry! we don t sell to +A9=A9s! # he replied. He hurried home removed his turban and changed His hair style! and returned to tell the salesman #& would like to buy this TN.# #+orry! we don t sell to +ardars!# +alesman replied. #=amn! he recogniLed me!# he thought. he went for a complete disguise this time! haircut and new hair color! new outfit! big sunglasses! then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman. #& would like to buy this TN.# #+orry! we don t sell to +ardars!# he replied. 7rustrated! he e"claimed #How do you know & m a +ardar6# #Because that s a microwave!# he replied. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ +ardarji is in =elhi. He is walking on a street which has a Alock Tower when someone asks him if he wants to buy the Alock on the Tower. +ardarji says #2es#. #,ive me a thousand rupees and & ll go get a ladder.# The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the +ardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the ne"t day the +ardarji is again walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock. #,ive me a thousand rupees and & ll go get a ladder.# The +ardarji gives him the thousand and says #& am not a [Link] time! you wait and & ll go get a ladder.# ****************************************************** +anta+ingh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone. #&s this one one one one6#! says the voice. #'o! this is eleven eleven.# #Are you sure it isn t one one one one6# #'o! this is eleven eleven.# #5ell! wrong number. +orry to have got you up on the middle of the night.# #That s all right! mister. & had to get up to answer the telephone

anyway.# ****************************************************** Once +anta +ingh broke his leg when he threw his cigarette butt down the manhole and tried to step on it. ****************************************************** +anta +ingh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first match on the seat of his pants! but it wouldn t light. He tried another. &t wouldn t light. The third one finally lit. He lit his cigarette! carefully blew the match out and put it in his vest pocket.#5hat for did you put that match in your vest pocket6# #That s a good match. & ll use it again.# ****************************************************** A sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing The bystander A 3arathon race is going on +ardar 8 5hat do they get from that6 Bystander 8 The winner will get a priLe +ardar 8 Then why are the others running6* ****************************************************** +anta +ingh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered! #& was ironing a shirt and the phone rang but instead of picking up the phone & accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear..# #Oh =ear*# the doctor e"claimed in disbelief. #But .. what happened to your other ear6# #The scoundrel called back.# ***************************************************** Then there s the one about the +ardarji who brought his binoculars to a funeral where they were going to bury a distant relative of his...

QAase D8 friends. fellow has! QAase E8

,etting married is very much like going to a restaurant with 2ou order what you want! then when you see what the other

you

wish you had ordered that.

wearing

At the cocktail party! one woman said to another! #Aren t you your wedding ring on the wrong finger66# The other replied! #2es! & am. & married the wrong man.#

QAase C8 3an is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished. QAase .8 3arriage is an institution in which a man losses his bachelor s degree and the woman gets her master s. QAase F8 get it.# QAase H8 Africa! 2oung son8 #&s it true! =ad! & heard that in some parts of a man doesn t know his wife until he marries her66# =ad8 #That happens in most countries son.# A little boy asked his father! #=addy! how much does it cost to married66# And the father replied! #& don t know son! & m still paying for

QAase -8 Then there was a man who said! #& never knew what real happiness was until & got married! and then it was too late.# QAase I8 A happy marriage is a matter of give and takeP The husband gives and the wife takes. 5hen a newly married man looks happy! we know why. But when a ten/year married man looks happy! we wonder why.

QAase J8

QAase DG8

3arried life is very frustrating. &n the first year of marriage! the man speaks and the woman listens. &n the second year! the woman speaks and the man listens. &n the third year! they both speak and the neighbors listen. QAase DD8 a After a ;uarrel! a wife said to her husband! #2ou know! & was

fool when & married you. #And the husband replied! #2es! dear but & was in love and didn t notice it.# QAase DE8 A man inserted an add in the classfieds8 #5ife 5anted#. The ne"t day! he received hundreds of letters. They all said the same thing8 #2ou can have mine.# QAase DC8 5hen a man open the door of his car for his wife! you can be sure of one thing8 %ither the car is new or his wife. ** +A9=A94&** RR=o you know what sardar will do after taking "ero"66 RRRRHe will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes *** RR=o you know what sardar will do if he wants a white paper6?he already has one and wants more6@ RRRRHe takes "ero" of the white paper*** RRA sardar took an answering machine home and fi"ed up somewhere in punjab. Two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like #saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahi hai#. **1A1OO 09A+A= 2A=AN** RROnce laloo was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told 1aloo #5A&T 01%A+%# for which 1aloo replied #HFkgs# and moved on6