QUESTIONS FOR COUPLES TO DISCUSS

BEFORE THEY GET ENGAGED

PART ONE

1. What makes it easy for you to be open and vulnerable, and what makes it difficult?
2. What is your greatest fear or concern about being married? What have you done to address these
concerns?
3. If you were to marry, in what way would you maintain a healthy “interdependence”? What would you
depend upon each other for and what would you take personal responsibility for?
4. Describe how you were disciplined as a child. If you have children, how will your discipline be the same
and how will it be different than what you experienced?
5. What are five reasons a person would want to spend the rest of their life with you, and three reasons they
wouldn’t?
6. If you have had any relationships in the past, what have you learned from them that will make you a
better person for someone this time?
7. Describe your spiritual journey over the past ten years, including high and low points.
8. What are three of the most vivid memories you can recall from birth to age 18?
9. We hear a lot today about compatibility. What does this mean to you?
10. To what extent do you see the way you both communicate as being similar and in what way is it different?
Do both of you communicate to each other the same way? When you speak to your partner, does he/she
understand you the way you intend? Clarify.
11. When you marry, you will have to sever the cord of dependency on your parents. Will this be a challenge
to you? If so, why?
12. Is it easy or difficult for you to pray with a person you’re in a relationship with, and for what reason?
13. To what degree are you a saver or a spender when it comes to money?
14. How has your Krishna consciousness changed since you met your partner?
15. Describe what your life was like before you met your current partner. Describe what you were like before
you met your current partner.
16. Dreams and aspirations are very important. Have your partner write their response to “If I were to marry
I would…” Complete this phrase ten times.
17. What are the questions about me you always wanted to ask but never have?
18. What do you think are God’s purposes for marriage?
19. What are your beliefs about prenuptial agreements?
20. In a relationship, what part of giving of yourself do you struggle with?
21. What are your beliefs about pornography, and to what degree have you been victimized by it? How
recently?
22. If I were a doctor and you were describing your medical history for me, what would it entail? (Accidents,
hospitalizations, diseases of any kind including HIV/AIDS, syphilis, herpes, or others.)
23. If something really bothered you about me, how would you go about expressing it to me?
24. What would those in your prior relationships say about you? What did you learn from them?
25. What is there about my life and personality that concerns you at this time?
26. How has your Krishna consciousness changed in the past five years? How has your partner’s Krishna
consciousness changed in the past five years?
27. What does “keeping the romance alive in the marriage” mean to you? What would you want your partner
to do in this regard? How would you keep romance alive if you were to marry?

PART TWO

28. What are five habits you’re glad you have and five you wish you didn’t?
29. Who are the people in your life that have influenced you the most and in what way?
30. Could you describe the people in your life who are the easiest to get along with and those who are the
most difficult?
31. Ten years from now, where would you like to be emotionally? How about spiritually? How about
economically? What about family size?
32. What was your family’s economic level and emotional environment like when you were growing up? In
what way do you see this affecting your life today?

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 33. When you are sick, how do you want others to respond to you? When a significant person in your life is
sick, how do you respond?
34. What brings you the greatest satisfaction in life, and what do you think it is about you that brings the
greatest satisfaction to Krishna?
35. What are the “must have” and “must not have” qualities in a person you may want to spend the rest of
your life with?
36. What is there in your life that you never want to change or that you would never be able to let go off?
37. If you could ask your spiritual master(s) and/or Krishna to change an area of your life, which area would
it be, and how would you like it changed? How long has this been a concern?
38. What has God taught you in the following situations in your life: failure, pain, waiting, not having enough
money, facing disappointment, and facing criticism?
39. How would you rate your friendships with those of the same sex? 1) “Easy—it’s a snap”; 2) “Whatever—I
can take them or leave them”; 3) “They’re hard work but worthwhile”; 4) “Discouraging—they let you
down”; 5) “Not sure if I’ve had a deep friendship.”
40. If you have had any relationships in the past, what was your last relationship like, and what are three
reasons you’re confident the relationship is over and you can move forward?
41. What do you wish you could say to your mother and father that you’ve never said to them?
42. Can you think of any loss in your life that you’ve never fully recovered from?
43. What are five adjectives you would select to describe your relationship with your father?
44. What are five adjectives you would select to describe your relationship with your mother?
45. These are all of the activities that I enjoy doing: (list them) Of all these things, which ones would you not
enjoy doing with me?
46. What was the lowest point or most difficult time in your life, and how did you handle it?
47. Describe how you handle stress and frustration. What creates the greatest stress and frustration in your
life?
48. How would you handle holidays, birthdays, special occasions, and so on, when it comes to your two
families? What does gift giving mean in your family?
49. What is your dream or fantasy of a “perfect marriage”?
50. What are three ways in which you see us as different? What are three ways in which you see us as
similar? Which of these are you most comfortable with?
51. What qualities do you see in your parents that you expect to see in your future spouse?
52. If I tell you I don’t want to do something, or if I don’t feel comfortable doing something you would like to
do, how would you want to handle that?
53. Everyone brings some baggage into a relationship. What baggage are you bringing, and would it fit in an
attache case, a carry-on bag, a small suitcase, or a trunk?
54. How comfortable are you with confrontation or conflict? How do you usually resolve conflicts?

PART THREE

55. When you marry, do you want children? If so, how many? Are you open to adoption? What training have
you had to be a parent? What if you had stepchildren?
56. What will your relationship be like with your parents, siblings, and friends after you marry? The same or
different? If different, in what way?
57. If you were to marry, what would be the hardest adjustment a person would have to make in order to live
with you?
58. How much do you value “personal time”—time to yourself to reflect, study, or recreate?
59. What is your idea of a “family”? What would you change about your family and how you were raised?
What steps would you take to make these changes?
60. What are your financial responsibilities and goals? How capable are you in budgeting, balancing
checkbooks, shopping patterns How stressful are these things to you? What debts do you have at this
time, and have you ever filed for bankruptcy?
61. What has been the greatest amount of debt you’ve experienced?
62. How do you know you’re in love with your partner?
63. What do you think of the traditional marriage model—that the husband is the leader, caretaker and
provider of the family’s needs, and the wife favorably cooperates with the husband and manages the
household?
64. If I could talk to your parents, what would they say I needed to know about you?
65. Who are you? (How would you describe who you are to another person?)
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 66. How would you complete these sentences? 1) “In marriage, a wife should…” 2) “In marriage, a husband
should…”
67. What are the experiences in life you would want the person you married to have had? What are the
experiences in life you would not want the person you married to have had?
68. Who are the couples that you know who have growing, healthy marriages?
69. On a scale of 0 to 10, to what extent do you experience guilt or anguish over your previous relationships?
How might this guilt be affecting you in building a relationship with another individual?
70. What are the various jobs you’ve held, and for how long? What did you like and dislike about each one?
71. What are your hobbies and interests aside from work? How much time and energy go into these, and
would this change or stay the same if you were married? If you spend a lot of time on the computer or
cell phone, how would you adjust this to work in a marriage?
72. If you were to marry, what would you receive from marriage that you wouldn’t have if you were to
remain single?
73. What has been your source of information about marriage? Parents, friends, classes, books? What would
you do to learn more about marriage after you’re married?
74. What are the areas of your life you must control and those areas in your life you would like to control?
75. What television programs, movies and books have made an impact on your life and in what way?
76. During a conflict, a person either yields, withdraws, compromises, wins, or resolves. Which of these tends
to be your style?
77. If you inherited a large sum of money and could afford to live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
In addition, what would you love to do that you can’d do now? How would you use the money? Would you
still want me in your life? Why? Would you share your wealth with Krishna? If so, how much? And to
which project?
78. What was the best experience you’ve ever had at the temple, and what was the worst? How involved do
you want to be in the local temple? What services do you render there currently?
79. What about your partner makes you proud of him/her?
80. If you could ask Krishna any questions (and receive an answer from Him) at this time, what would they
be?
81. Describe how you came to know Krishna. When was it? Who was involved? Where did it take place? How
has your life changed?

PART FOUR

82. What do you believe are five elements that make marriages work?
83. In light of the number of divorces today, if you were to marry, why would your marriage last and not end
up in divorce court?
84. What has been your experience with alcohol or drugs in the past and at the present time?
85. How well do you handle constructive criticism and advice?
86. After you’re married, would you be open to seek marriage counseling if major concerns arise? If not, how
do you plan to resolve issues?
87. What is your view of marital sex in accordance with scriptural teachings (Bg 7.11)?
88. Of all the emotions we experience in life, what are the easiest ones for you to express and what are the
most difficult?
89. What are the passions in life you would love doing, and which of those would be meaningful to you if I
were to do them with you?
90. What foods do you enjoy, and what are your feelings about eating healthy?
91. Do you feel you need to compromise or sacrifice anything to be a part of this relationship?
92. What are the five biggest fears in your life?
93. Do you like animals? Which ones and to what degree? Do you hate any animals? If so, which ones?
94. If I messed up in a decision, whether in business or just in general, how would you share your frustration
about my decision with me?
95. Who are the people in your life you’ve needed to forgive, and how did you accomplish this?
96. Throughout the final chapters of the Bhagavad-gita, Lord Krishna gives symptoms of the mode of
goodness. On a scale of 0-10, where do you see yourself on each of those symptoms at this point in your
life?
97. How frequently do you have contact with your former partner, if any, and in what way? What is the
purpose of the contact? What feelings do you experience on these occasions?

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 98. Do you believe you and I should be honest about everything in our relationship, or should some things be
kept private? If I asked your past partners (if you had any) if you were honest and trustworthy, how
would they answer?
99. [If you have been married before] How many times have you been married, including any annulments?
100. What do you envision in the future for this relationship?
101. How do you envision increasing your Krishna consciousness after you get engaged?
102. [If you were born to practicing devotees] Have you accepted Krishna consciousness in your heart?
If so, since when? Was anyone involved in your fulfledged acceptance of Krishna consciousness?
103. [If you were born to practicing devotees] Describe the practices of Krishna consciousness that
you follow, and those that you do not follow, as of now.
104. Reorder the following in terms of your priorities (high priority first): household duties, taking
care of children, taking care of elderly members of the family, finances, service to Guru(s), helping
neighbors, taking care of guests, charity, spouse, relatives.
105. List three devotees who you consider to be your role models. State what impresses you the most
about them.
106. In our disciplic succession, there are spiritually empowered grihastha spiritual masters or
associates of Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. Who among them inspire you the most, and why?
107. Which areas of Krishna consciousness do you find to be especially challenging? Would you be
open to help from your husband/wife in this area?
108. How would this marriage help you achieving the ultimate goal of life, pure love for Krishna?

LIST OF RECOMMENDED READING FOR COUPLES

1. Bhaktyaloka by Bhaktivinoda Thakura

See [Link] for the value of marriage in society and the destructive effects of divorce to
the individuals and communities.

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