Professional Development Centre
MISC
Session 4: Avoiding Redundancy
Avoiding Redundancy
Redundancy in language means using words that are unnecessary because:
- they repeat another word you have used in a sentence with the same meaning
- they are old-fashioned phrases we use from habit but are not relevant these days.
Redundancy should be avoided in business writing because:
- it can create misunderstandings
- it can make your main message difficult to catch
- it wastes time and energy for both you and your reader
- it makes your writing less clear, less concise and less coherent.
Repetition
Task 1: Look at the examples below. Which words can be removed from the phrases?
a. It is expected that chequebooks will completely disappear from sight by the end of the
year 2025.
b. The number of employees and staff delegated to the internal and external audit
departments was in 2 equal halves.
c. Instructions are given on pages 2-3 inclusive of the manual.
d. My own individual opinion is that the new debit card reader is difficult to operate accurately.
e. With more systematic advance planning the level of stock can be reduced by 50%.
f. An extra added problem may possibly be the frequency of customer complaints.
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© Professional Development Centre, British Council Malaysia 1
Professional Development Centre
MISC
Session 4: Avoiding Redundancy
Task 2: Look at the email below.
It is too long and has used a significant amount of redundant vocabulary.
Remove as many redundant words as possible, changing the text when necessary.
There are 160 words in the original below. How many words does your new version have?
Example answer:
Dear Josie,
Please investigate the blue car which has been obstructing the front entrance of the office for
the last month.
As our staff have been thoroughly inconvenienced during this time, a solution to the problem
must be found.
I would really appreciate it if you could send me your recommendations after you have looked
into this situation.
Kind regards,
Chris
(61 words)
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Professional Development Centre
MISC
Session 4: Avoiding Redundancy
Old-Fashioned Language
Task 3: Underline or highlight any ‘old-fashioned’ or redundant language. With the ‘old-fashioned’
words you identify, how would you define their meaning? Do this without a dictionary.
Then rewrite the sentences into a more modern style.
1. Kindly furnish us with your certificates for the purpose of confirming your registration.
Please provide your certificates to confirm your registration.
2. Attached herewith is the report for your kind perusal.
I have attached the report (for your review)
3. Kindly revert to the undersigned should you be in need of any assistance.
Please get back to me if you have any questions.
4. Discussion on Subsidiaries’ related matters continued thereon.
Discussion on the Subsidiaries' related matters continued thereon.
5. The Board Audit Committee is hereby requested to consider and approve the
recommendation in paragraph 5.2 above.
The Board Audit Committee is hereby requested to consider and approve the
recommendation in paragraph 5.2 above.
6. The specifics thereof will be based on the recommendations of consultants from the
relevant fields of expertise, subject to the management’s approval.
The specifics thereof will be based on the recommendations of consultants from the
relevant fields of expertise, subject to the management's approval.
7. Based on the circumstances considered and rationale deliberated herein, it is duly
recommended that: …
Based on the circumstances considered and rationale deliberated herein, it is duly
recommended that: ...
8. XYZ consultancy services is now engaged by MISC in furtherance thereof to carry out
the ongoing report.
XYZ Consultancy Services is now engaged by MISC in furtherance thereof to carry out
the report.
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© Professional Development Centre, British Council Malaysia 3
Professional Development Centre
MISC
Session 4: Avoiding Redundancy
Homework
Rewrite this email in plain English and email it to your trainer.
To my esteemed employer, Mr Smith,
I am hereby writing to duly inform you of my intention to take a portion of my annual leave
to which I am entitled under the terms and conditions of my contract. A copy of the said
document is attached herewith. In addition, I have also attached a copy of the completed
requisite leave application form for your kind perusal.
The dates on which the aforementioned leave of absence is required are the 3rd and 4th of
December in year 2020.
Kindly revert back to me soonest once the necessary approval has been granted.
Thank you.
I am looking forward to your most favourable reply.
Kind regards
Claire
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