Title: The Protocol of Silent Gloom: Crossing the Threshold

Estimated Performance Time: 4 Minutes

Setting: Outside the entrance of The Whiz House building. No technology

or electricity.

Props Required: 1. A googly-eyed alien dummy mounted on a tall stool

(stage left, placed right outside the building doorway).

2. A simple wooden flute.

3. A large cardboard sign on a stick featuring a giant, angry cartoon scowl

painted in thick black marker.

Characters: * PROFESSOR VANE: Dressed in a dark coat. Droll,

menacing, unblinking, and deadpan. Channeling absolute Severus Snape
energy.

 DR. LEO DASH: Hyper-energetic, expressive, and physically

bouncy. Wearing a rumpled lab coat over a bright shirt.

ACT I: The Silent Encounter at the Door (0:00 – 1:00)

(The stage lights come up outdoors near the building doorway.

PROFESSOR VANE glides across the stage in sweeping, dramatic strides
toward the stationary googly-eyed dummy sitting outside the open door.
He drops to one knee and bows low to the ground, treating the motionless
plastic toy like an ancient cosmic emperor.)

(Suddenly, DR. LEO DASH charges onto the stage from the right, taking
massive leaps and taking a deep breath to yell.)

DR. LEO: (At full volume) GREETINGS WHIZ MASTER! WE HAVE SOLVED
FIRST CONTACT! WE ARE GOING TO GET THIS ALIEN INSIDE THE—

(Before Leo can finish, Vane lunges across the stage in one swift motion
and violently clamps his gloved hand over Leo’s mouth, whispering
dangerously.)

PROFESSOR VANE: Silence, you insufferable golden retriever! No verbal

communication! The alien refuses to step inside buildings, and you are
barking like a stadium announcer!

DR. LEO: (Muffled behind Vane's hand) Mmm-ph! Sorry!

(Vane slowly releases him and points dramatically to the sky, then to the
building doorway, then at the dummy.)
PROFESSOR VANE: No technology. No words. And most importantly...
these creatures interpret a human smile as an act of ruthless intergalactic
war.

DR. LEO: (Gasping) No smiling?! But my face naturally defaults to joy!

How are we supposed to invite it inside if I can't smile and welcome it?!

PROFESSOR VANE: We use acoustic music... and my unyielding aura of

pure misery.

(Vane thrusts a wooden flute into Leo’s hands, then snatches up the giant
cardboard Scowl Sign on a stick and shoves it directly in front of Leo's
face.)

PROFESSOR VANE: Hide your repulsive optimism behind this. Play a

welcoming chord. I shall conduct it toward the threshold.

(Vane thrusts a wooden flute into Leo’s hands, then snatches up the giant
cardboard Scowl Sign on a stick and shoves it directly in front of Leo's
face.)

PROFESSOR VANE: Hide your repulsive optimism behind this.

Communicate using the flute. I shall conduct your miserable orchestra.

ACT II: The Musical Procession (1:00 – 2:30)

(Leo nods frantically, holding the flute with one hand while holding the
giant Scowl Sign in front of his lower face with the other. He begins to play
a gentle, inviting melody on the flute aimed toward the building
entrance.)

(Vane steps back, assuming the posture of a dramatic gothic maestro.

With sweeping, whole-body arm gestures, Vane conducts the tempo while
slowly stepping backward toward the open doorway, guiding the alien's
path.)

PROFESSOR VANE: (In a hushed, intense whisper) Slower, Dr. Dash.

Build a bridge of sound to lure it across the threshold...

(The dummy sits completely still outside the doorway, accepting the
peaceful music.)

DR. LEO: (Piping down the flute, eyes wide) It’s accepting the music! It
wants to go inside! We're doing it, Vane!

(The sheer joy of success overcomes Leo. His feet start tapping, his body
bounces, and in his excitement—he accidentally drops the Scowl Sign to
the floor!)
(Leo’s face is exposed, revealing a massive, beaming, hyper-cheerful
SMILE right in front of the alien.)

DR. LEO: (Beaming) STEP RIGHT IN—!

PROFESSOR VANE: (Gasping in horror) FOOL!

(Vane lunges across the stage, snatches the Scowl Sign off the floor, and
violently slams the cardboard scowl right back in front of Leo's
face, pinning Leo’s head back into position!)

PROFESSOR VANE: Cover your hideous joy! You almost scared it back to
its galaxy!

(Vane turns to the dummy and delivers an impossibly intense, soul-

crushing, unblinking Snape-like scowl. The alien dummy remains
completely motionless as the tension clears.)

ACT III: The Final Push Across the Threshold (2:30 – 3:30)

DR. LEO: (Muffled behind the cardboard scowl) I can't help it! Getting it
inside makes me want to celebrate!

(Leo’s hyperactive energy takes over completely. He starts doing high-

knee jumps, playing a frantic, overly joyous, carnival-like tune on the flute
as he dances toward the doorway.)

PROFESSOR VANE: Stop piping! You are playing jaunty pop tempos! You
will drive it away from the building!

(Leo gets carried away and dances right next to the stationary dummy at
the door, hyperventilating with excitement.)

DR. LEO: (Panic-screaming while piping) AHHH! I’M TOO EXCITED! IT'S
NOT MOVING INSIDE YET!

PROFESSOR VANE: Get behind me!

(Leo gets carried away and dances right up to the stationary dummy,
hyperventilating with joy.)

(Vane uses his wand to knock leo out and covers him with a blanket)

(With Leo hidden under his dark cloak, Vane commands center stage and
drops his face into the most utterly miserable, hyper-dramatic glare in
human history.)

PROFESSOR VANE: (Whispering sternly behind his back) Play... the

lowest... most inviting note... now.

(Leo plays one long, deep, soothing bass note from behind the coat. As
the acoustic note resonates through the doorway, Vane extends his arm in
a majestic, gloomy invitation toward the interior of the building,
maintaining his terrifying scowl.)

PROFESSOR VANE: (Gazing menacingly at the motionless dummy)

Welcome to our sanctuary of absolute gloom... Enter in unsmiling peace...

(The low note fades, completing the peaceful non-verbal invitation into
the building.)

(The mission is a total success; the alien has been officially welcomed into
the building protocol.)

DR. LEO: (Peeking out from behind the coat, whispering) ...Did it work?
Did we convince it to join us inside?

PROFESSOR VANE: No thanks to you, (turns to leo) COVER YOUR

CHEERY HEAD AGAIN!!!

(Vane keeps his agonizingly miserable expression fixed on the Whiz

Master. He reaches back without looking, grabs Leo by the legs, and drags
him out.)

DR. LEO: (Starting to smile) Oh man, that was amazing! I gotta smile,
Vane, I can't hold it—

PROFESSOR VANE: Do not ruin this!

(Vane drags leo off the stage while maintaining eye contact with the
dummy)

PROFESSOR VANE: (From behind the sign) Presenting our solution to the
Whiz Master. No tech. No words. Pure gloom.

(Together, under the giant angry cardboard scowl, Vane and Leo bow
deeply and rigidly as the stage lights cut to black.)