SCAMPI

A Short Film

Written by

George Kalu
INT. RUSSO PALACE - SUNRISE

The sun rises beautifully over the back of the palace,

illuminating all in a beautiful glow of purples, pinks, and
oranges. Birds fly through the skies. Oh, and there's a
bloodcurdling scream.

CHEF MICHEL
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE - LATER

In a (mostly) clean and culinarily decorated office is CHEF

MICHEL (late 20s-early 30s, aggressively French), standing
amongst open files and papers spread across his desk, chef's
coat half unbuttoned, hat across the room, and hair all
types of messy.

CHEF MICHEL
(nasally)
No, nonnononononono.
(coughs twice)
This can--
(cough)
Not be happening.
(another cough)
MARGOT! MARGOOOT!

A mousy, disheveled (while in uniform), and extremely

sickly-looking woman, MARGOT (early 20s, less aggressively
but still very French).

MARGOT
Yes... Chef Michel?

CHEF MICHEL
Where--
(hacking cough)
Is everyone?

Margot pulls a tissue from her pocket.

MARGOT
It's the plague, sir.
(blows nose)
Félix gave it to the whole crew.

Michel punches his desk.

CHEF MICHEL
Today is not the day for sickness.

He shuffles through his papers, producing an official

looking paper.
 2.

CHEF MICHEL (CONT'D)

The king has a state dinner
tonight. We're both too sick to
cook, and if the king gets ill, or
he doesn't get his dinner, guess
whose going in the gallows?

Margot sighs, ruminating over the situation.

MARGOT
Well... There might be something.

Chef Michel looks up with very ill hope.

CHEF MICHEL
Please, share.

MARGOT
It's the interns, sir. They haven't
been in the kitchen, so they
can't've gotten sick.

Michel's hope turns into apprehensive confusion.

CHEF MICHEL
They haven't been in the kitchen...
At all?

MARGOT
It was for the summer program, we
just never got the chance to train
them.

Michel sighs.

CHEF MICHEL
How can it be..?

REYNOLD (V.O.)
PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT PUT IT OUT!

CUT TO:

INT. APARTMENT KITCHEN - SAME TIME

A fire alarm beeps-- blares, flooding the kitchen in red

light. On the small stove is a raging (but also somewhat
small) fire, with two exceedingly anxious teenagers [REYNOLD
(19, tall, lanky boy), ANGELINE (18, calmest (but still very
not-calm) of the three, moderately tall, carrying a fire
extinguisher), and YVES (17, short, very, very
overstimulated)] stand around the flaming stove.
 3.

ANGELINE
I'M TRYING MY BEST! THIS STUPID
THING--

She hits the extingusher, which proceeds to go off in her

face, causing her to redirect towards the flames with a
scream.

ANGELINE (CONT'D)
YOU COULD DO SOMETHING TOO, YVES!!

SPIN TO:

Yves, curled up in the fetal position near the island.

YVES
[Screams unintelligibly.]

Reynold looks at him in confusion before grabbing a cup of

water, throwing it over the flames, and shitting Angeline in
the process. She looks at him, enraged, and he smiles
sheepishly.

REYNOLD
Sorry, Ange!

Angeline grabs the nearest spatula, nearing Reynold, when a

knock comes from the door. The room stills, and the trio
exchanges a confused look.

A second flurry of knocks comes, and Reynold goes to open

the door, where Margot stands.

We switch to her point of view. The scent of smoke and a few

wisps leave from the door, while a sweat-drenched Reynold,
soaked and disheveled Angeline, and puffy-eyed Yves stand in
front of her.

Margot looks down to her tablet and back up to the trio.

MARGOT
Reynold Girard, Angeline Lambert,
and Yves Moreau?

REYNOLD
That's us... Who are you?

Margo sighs, which morphs into a crunchy cough.

MARGOT
Margot Dupont--
(MORE)
 4.

MARGOT (CONT'D)
(cough)
Liason to Head Chef Michel of the
Royal Kitchen. To my knowledge, you
three are official interns?

YVES
Oh, we just did that for--

Angeline elbows Yves in the ribs.

ANGELINE
Yes, yes we are.

MARGOT
Congratulations, you're promoted to
chefs. Follow me.

The trio exchange yet another apprehensive and confused

look.

MARGOT (CONT'D)
Oh! You may want to change first.

Did I forget to mention all three are in worn pajamas?

INT. KITCHEN - LATER

Margot unlocks the door to an immaculately stocked kitchen,

although there's not a person in sight. The freshly changed
trio of Angeline, Yves, and Reynold follow her inside.

ANGELINE
Can I ask what it is we're doing
here?

Margot takes in a stuffy breath before answering.

MARGOT
Since you said you know how to
cook, and, given that we have no
staff, we need you to cook
something up for the king.

The trio exchanges a very what is she talking about look.

MARGOT (CONT'D)
Unless your application isn't
correct, in which case we'd--

REYNOLD
No! No, it's all correct there!
 5.

MARGOT
Good--
(cough-sneeze combo)
You'll be preparing shrimp scampi
for the King-- You said you're
proficient in the recipe on your
application, yea?

ANGELINE
(gritted teeth)
Of course we did..!

She (Angeline) shoots Reynold a look.

MARGOT
Perfect. You should know-
(clears throat,
shockingly calm)
If it's not good enough, you'll
die.

Everybody's face (minus Margot's) drops.

YVES
Wait, what-

MARGOT
Oh, it was in your contract!

REYNOLD
I'm sorry, I don't remember signing
anything like that.

MARGOT
One moment...

She flips her clipboard to a page that reads Proof Of

Employment Agreement in bold letters on top. She goes
through the pages, plopping one on a counter.

EXTREME ZOOM-IN: FINE PRINT OF CONTRACT

It does in fact read 'Should any signee(s) provide food

deemed unsatisfactory by the King and/or royal taster, they
shall be guillotined in a public forum within the next
twenty-four hours.

Angie's hands fly to her head, Yves' jaw drops, and Reynold
blinks in disbelief.

ANGELINE
Oh my goodness....
 6.

MARGOT
That being said, the meal should be
done in... fourty-five or so? Best
of luck!

REYNOLD
Waitwaitwaitwait!

Margot pauses, halfway to the door.

MARGOT
Oh! The recipe's on the counter if
you need it, Bye!

She speed walks out of the room while the trio moans and
groans.

INT. MICHEL'S OFFICE

Margot steps in, quietly closing the door behind her as Chef
Michel sits at his desk, head down. He perks up at hearing
her.

CHEF MICHEL
Well? How'd it go?

A loud clang comes from outside of the kitchen, and Chef

Michel and Margot exchange an exhausted look.

MARGOT
Do want to call in sick and get
some food?

CHEF MICHEL
(sigh)
Yeah... Yeah.

INT. KITCHEN - SAME TIME

Angeline and Yves search for the recipe, the former staring
daggers across the kitchen to a guilty looking Reynold.

ANGELINE
Just apply, he said. Cooking can't
be that hard, he said!

YVES
In his defense, it's not like he
knew. The fine print was very, very
fine.

He (Yves) reaches up into a cabinet, accidentally pulling

down a pot. It narrowly misses his head and lands on the
ground with the same clang from earlier.
 7.

REYNOLD
Listen, I know this is a terrible
situation, but, it can't be that
difficult to make shrimp scratchy
or whatever she called it.

Angeline sighs tersely.

ANGELINE
You almost set the apartment on
fire making eggs!

Yves instinctively shivers.

REYNOLD
It's not like you can cook any
better!

ANGELINE
I know that! THAT'S WHY I USE A
MICROWAVE FOR EVERYTHING!

YVES
GUYS!

Angeline and Reynold stop, and Yves holds up an index card,

with the words SHRIMP SCAMPI printed on one side, overlaid
on a photo of the dish. They walk towards Yves, who flips
over the card. He starts to read off ingredients, which we
can see as well.

YVES (O.S.) (CONT'D)

Shrimp, capellini pasta- What's
that?

ANGELINE (O.S.)
Spaghetti, or something- I think.
Keep going.

YVES
Extra virgin olive oil, garlic
cloves, one large shallot--

REYNOLD
--What's a shallot?

Yves and Angeline both make a very I don't know noise.

YVES
Lemons, wine, capers, tomatoes,
butter, fish stock, salt, pepper,
and basil.

The trio pauses for a beat.

 8.

ANGELINE
So how do we cook it?

REYNOLD
Maybe there's instructions on the
other--

He flips the card over, to only look at the name of the dish
and a photo.

REYNOLD (CONT'D)
Side.

They all pause for a beat.

YVES
Well-- What do we know?

ANGELINE
Ingredients! And if we're making
pasta then we need water and salt!

Reynold picks up the (now dented) pot off the ground.

REYNOLD
I'll fill this up, can you guys
find some ingredients?

Angeline and Yves nod and start to move about the kitchen,
bringing back (almost) all the ingredients, save for a
shallot (there's a green onion in its stead) and pasta.

YVES
There's no spaghetti.

REYNOLD
Do we have to... Make it?

ANGELINE
(sigh)
I think so. Yves, do you know
anything about making spaghetti?

YVES
I mean... Somewhat?

ANGELINE
Why don't you do that, and Rey n' I
will work on the shrimp and the
sauce-thing?

Yves nods and starts away for pasta ingredients, while

Angeline and Reynold look down at the card, examining the
example photo. (See on Title Page.)
 9.

REYNOLD
It looks like there's a sauce on
it..?

ANGELINE
And the tomatoes look pretty
cooked, too.

They both cock their heads at the page.

REYNOLD
Wanna do the shrimp n' tomatoes and
I'll do the sauce?

ANGELINE
Which one requires less fire?

There's a beat between them.

REYNOLD
Switch?

ANGELINE
Switch. We can toss the shrimp in
with the sauce later, too.

REYNOLD
Smart choice.

We pan across the kitchen to the pantry, where Yves is

leaned over searching for something. Reynold walks up behind
him.

REYNOLD (CONT'D)
Whatcha lookin' for?

Yves jumps, almost hitting his head.

YVES
Well, since spaghetti is kinda like
bread, so I need flour--
(points to the bag of
flour)
Eggs, and yeast, which I can't find
anywhere.

Reynold peeks past Yves, pointing to a hefty bag of yeast.

REYNOLD
There?

YVES
Oh shoot, thanks!
 10.

Yves grabs the bags, making his way to the fridge, and we
pan past him to Angeline, who stands with her hands on her
hips in front of the sauce(?) ingredients (lemons, oil,
butter, fish stock, plus some seasonings). She turns on the
stove, dropping the entire stick of butter in.

PAN TO:

Reynold stands near an opposing counter, cutting large

tomatoes into small pieces, each one different from the
other in a very snowflake fashion. He cringes at his knife
skills, turning his head whilst still cutting.

REYNOLD
Do you guys know where the shrimp
is?

ANGELINE
Uh....

Her eyes scan the room, landing on a fish tank atop the
fridge, with live fish inside.

REYNOLD
(slight gag)
Oh.

As he walks over to the tank with a tupperware container in

hand, peering down at the fish tank, gags yet again, and
reaches his hand inside.

PAN TO:

Yves pours a hefty helping of flour into a bowl (no

measuring cup, mind you), and cracks an egg over the bowl,
resulting in a few shells finding their way into the mixture
and half the white falling out. He cleans up the slimy mess,
carefully picking up out the shells.

Moving back to Angeline, who starts to add the fish stock

into the pan with one hand, squeezing a lemon in with the
other. She peers down into the brown-ish mess, sniffs, and
turns her nose away.

ANGELINE
How's it going with you guys?

Reynold gives a thumbs up whilst gagging, picking up a

handful of shrimp and tossing them into the container.

REYNOLD
Yu-
(gag)
Yup!
 11.

Yves begins to mix in the yeast with a spoon, eyebrows

slowly rising.

YVES
Is the dough supposed to be...
Bubbling?

He peers down at the container, where bubbles start to

ememerge.

ANGELINE
Just keep mixing? And add some
salt, too!

Yves does so, adding a pinch of salt as the dough begins to

form into actual dough. He follows this up by dumping the
dough into the counter.

YVES
Dough's done! I'm gonna cut it up
into cappucino.

Angie looks over at him, her pot starting to sizzle.

ANGELINE
Capellini?

YVES
Yeah!

Finally done with the shrimp, Reynold brings them back to

his station, staring them down as they sit next to his
uneven tomato chunks (and half-cut second tomato).

REYNOLD
Aren't they supposed to be... Pink?

YVES
Maybe they'll change when you cook
them! Have you tried?

Reynold looks down with a gulp.

REYNOLD
No...

Reynold grabs the oil, pouring enough in the pan to baptize

a small pig, and tosses in the shrimp, while Yves does the
final slices on some very thick slices of capellini (if you
can call it that). He tosses them into a boiling pot of
water, and Angeline stirs her concotion.

YVES
Well? What now?
 12.

ANGELINE
I guess we just... Wait?

Everyone shrugs a bit, moving to relax a little. Angeline

turns down the heat on her pot and turns on her phone,
Reynold absentmindedly watches his shrimp, and Yves twiddles
his thumbs.

TEN MINUTES LATER

Yves stands up from leaning on the counter, opening his pot

of-

YVES
WHOA!

Angeline and Reynold look up.

BOTH
What?

Yves gulps.

YVES
Is it supposed to rise this much?

Angeline and Reynold look into the pot and lo and behold,
it's 80% hyperexpanded pasta, 20% water, most of it having
spilled off the sides with a hiss.

YVES (CONT'D)
What did- What do I do?

ANGELINE
I don't know?! Turn it off?

Yves reaches for the handle, as a bubble of water sprays off

and singes his hand. He pulls back with a wince.

REYNOLD
I got it!

He quickly turns the heat off, when a fwoomp can be heard

from behind them. They turn, and lo and behold, yet another
fire has taken place. Angie shoots him a glare, when her pot
catches fire as well. Her jaw drops, and Reynold holds in a
smile.

YVES
We have to do.. something!

ANGELINE
We don't have time to restart--
 13.

She's cut off as the fire alarm starts to go off.

Eyes roll, and Reynold stands on a counter to turn it off,

while Angeline grabs a cup of water to hopefully put out the
fire.

She pours the water on the flames, causing them to jump

higher.

Yves screams and Angeline jumps back, while Reynold stumbles

a little bit. And a little more. And a lot more, and sooner
rather than later, he slips, falling off the counter and
nosediving near the flames.

Angeline grabs him by the back of his shirt, and he lets out
a sigh of relief. Until his eyes drop a bit further down,
and he sees the edge of his sleeve on fire.

REYNOLD
HOLY--

Angeline screams, grabbing for another cup of water, aiming

for more water, aiming for the flailing arm and just barely
putting it out.

There's a moment of calm, until they realize once again the

flames sitting not five feet away from them. They all scream
once more, but this time, Yves grabs two pot covers,
covering the flames and turning off the heat quickly.

A beat of calm, and the flames begin to subside.

Angeline slowly lifts the covers, and the trio looks down at
what has become of the shrimp scampi.

YVES
Can we save it?

ANGELINE
...Maybe?

She grabs a ladle, carefully lifting the sauce that hasn't

burned and stuck to the bottom of the pot, ladling it into a
bowl. Reynold ever so carefully plucks three charred (not
burnt) shrimp, tossing them into the bowl and sliding in the
tomato chunks. The trio moves to the spaghetti pot, placing
a few noodles inside.

The 'shrimp scampi' is complete, and the trio looks down at

it.

REYNOLD
Yeah, we're dead aren't we?
 14.

Angeline's eyes linger on the abomination.

ANGELINE
Yeah.... Probably.