ALLEA MEI TAÑEDO
BSHM 3-6
The Best Version of Myself was Never the Best
I have always been the type of person
who listens before saying,
learning while the world keeps moving.
A soul so eager to grow,
even when growth hurts the most.
I wear my mistakes like lessons carved in skin,
because healing does not begin
unless truth first settles within.
I try to understand every heart I meet,
every silence, every defeat.
Maybe that is why people call me kind
but sometimes I wonder
if that kindness was truly mine,
or just a performance played in repeat
to keep abandonment behind.
Somewhere between pleasing people
and fearing goodbyes,
I lost myself beneath the disguise.
I became a mirror
reflecting what others wished to see,
changing my colors like a chameleon so they would choose me.
Hoping maybe they'll like me for me?
But even I did not spare a glance to see the real me
People pleaser they said, plastic and no personality they said.
And now I ask the version of myself
hidden deep beneath the noise
“If no one needed me,
what would be my own voice?”
Because I became so fluent in sacrifice,
so skilled at being gentle and nice,
that I forgot authenticity also has a price.
And maybe the hardest thing to face
is not rejection,
but realizing you no longer recognize your own face.
Still, I continue.
Still, I chase life with open hands and hopeful eyes.
I do not want fear to become my disguise.
I want to taste every moment before it disappears,
to collect both laughter and tears.
I want to meet the person I am becoming,
not the person the world keeps demanding.
Maybe the best version of myself
is not perfect, polished, or complete.
Maybe it is simply the courage
to stand on trembling feet.
To keep learning, keep yearning,
keep choosing growth over pretending.
And perhaps one day,
after all the confusion finally ends,
I will discover that the best version of me
was never the best
but the me who is still trying,
still searching, and currently
still learning how to be free.