1ST EPISODE

Cut to

(hum dikhate hain ek bilkul dubla patla sa aadmi kisi ko thappad thappad
se peete ja raha hai… aur bole ja raha hai )

UGRASEN TRIPATHI:
Sach nahi bolega , Sach nahi bolega … bol zaldi … Bol …

ANCHOR:
Ugrasen Ji … idhar dhyan dijiye …

UGRASEN TRIPATHI:
(abhi bhi uss aadmi ko peete ja raha hai… aur waise hi bole ja raha hai)

ANCHOR:
Arey ho gaya … idhar dhyaan dijiye … Studio se Raju bol raha hu ?

(usey maarna chhorta hai aur camera yani anchor se mukhatib hota hai
…)

UGRASEN TRIPATHI:

Namskar … Main Ugrasen Kurji Patna se aapka swagat karta hoon

Atyachar news mein , boliye kya janna hai iss nacheez se …

ANCHOR:
Ugrasen Ji … hum viral figure Sohanlal ji ke saath hain …

UGRASEN TRIPATHI:
Ye wahi hain na … jinko ladki ne beech chaurahe pe maar ke thuthna
choor diya tha ?

ANCHOR:
(sohanlal ko muskura ke dekhte huye) jee … wahi hain …
Aur inhone … chalte live & exclusive interview mein ek mahila ko
markhandi bhains bulaya hai … usey aatank ki devi kaha hai … aur toh
aur hadd tab ho gayi … jab inhone usi mahila ko churail tak kah diya hai
… kya kahna chaheinge aap …

UGRASEN TRIPATHI:
Ye Sohanlal toh gaya …isey maloom nahi hai ki ye kahan baith ke kya
bol raha hai … iski zindagi mein aag lagne wali hai aag … aur vo aag
lagayeinge hum … Ugrasen Tivari … Sir kya sanjog ki baat hai … Main
Bihar Mahila adhikar sanrakshan vibhag ki jo head hain unke aawas ke
pass hi reporting kar raha hoon … Aur yahan hazaro mahila zama hui
hain … Mahila adhikar ki raksha ke liye … aaiye jaante hain vo
SohanLal ko kya saza dena chaheingi

UGRASEN TRIPATHI:
(taking public byte)

Kya karna chahiye sohanlal ke saath … iss pakhandi ne ek mahila ko

churail bola hai …

MAHILA ONE
Nikalne dijiye na studio se … sil pat pe jaise masal peeste hain … waise
hi unko bhi pakad ke ragad diya jaayega …

MAHILA TWO:
Abhi toh maar ke ek aurat ne bharta banaya hai naa … ab hum
mahilaon ka ye samuh usey nanga kareinge … maar ke pol pe taang
deinge …

MAHILA THREE:
Unka moonch ukhaad leinge

MAHILA FOUR:
Baal kabaar leinge …

MAHILA FIVE:
Ookhal mein mundi daal ke samath se koot deinge …

MAHILA SIX
Unka gupt ang kaat ke kutto ko khila deinge …
(ye byte mein hum voice ko thoda fade kar deinge )

UGRASEN TRIPATHI:
Toh jaisa ki aapne dekha … Sohanlal ne phir se apani sarvazanik kutai
ka manch phir khud se taiyar kar liya … bas deri hai … toh studio se
bahar nikalne ki …

Cut to Studio …

2nd EPISODE

Cut to
(Hum dikhate hain do kisano ek kudaal pakade huey hain … dono
mein kudaal ke liye ladai ho rahi hai … aur Ugrasen unke beech mein
bachav kar raha hai … aur peeche logo ki bheer hai … mostly sab
25-30 saal ke log hain )
Kisaan one
Mera kudaal hai … choroge

Kisaan two
Issi kudaal se maar ke tumhara mangasa faar deinge … chhodoge
jaldi tum isko …

Ugrasen
Aur agar tum dono ko kuchh huaa toh CM ji ki kasam tum dono ka
ham kya faareinge ee bhagwano nai jaanta hai … Chhoroge dono ek
doosare …
(dono alag ho jate hain … Kudaal jameen pe par gir jata hai … aur
Ugrasen usey utha ke kahta hai)
Cm sahab ka Raghopur diyaara se main Ugrasen tripathi swagat
karta hoon …

Raju
Ugrasen ji , hamare man’neey CM sahab ko lagta hai ki bihar ka
kisaan khush-haal hai … abhi ka visual dekh ke sab clear ho gaya …
phir bhi vistar mein bataiye …

Ugrasen
Jee Raju ji bilkul , hamara toh kaam hi hai, chhote ko vistar se batana
, chingari se aag lagana … aaj Bitish ji bhi nahi bacheinge … Toh
kisan bhaiyo bataiye ? Bitish ji Aapke liye kya kiye hain ?

Kisaan one
Kya kiye hain , kuchh nahi … gobar mein ghee dharvaye hain …
dekh hi rahe hain ee raghopur ka diyara , jahan 3 mahina sookha
rahta hai … banki 9 mahina paani ke garbh mein …

Kisan two
Reee , Bitish kumar rakshas hai kaun jo ganga maay ko koba koba
pee jayeinge … ee batao muaavja milta hai har saal ki naa ? (kisaan
two sir jhuka leta hai )

Kisaan two
Muawja milve karta hai … sasta dar pe bijali milve karta hai … Beta
beti ko parhne ke liye free mein kitba milve karta hai toh Bitish ab ka
kar dega … aa ke tumhare mehraru ka kapda pheech dega ?

Kisaan one
Bijali ka jo baat kiye ho toh batao , kitna der rahta hai bijali …

Kisaan two
Kitna der rahta hai bijali … hey Daya bhaiya , bataiye isko

Kisaan three / Daya Bhaiya

Nai sahi bol raha hai … bijali aata jata rahta hai …

Kisaan two
Haan toh pahle toh ee bhi nahi tha naa …

Kisaan three / Daya Bhaiya

ee bat garhi ho gaya bhay … hum nahi pareinge ismein …

Kisaan two
Kya faltu aadmi hain ji aap … hum kaha kah rahe hain beech mein
parne …

Kisaan one
Daya bhaiya ko faltu aadmi bolega tum … itna mazal , tumko
chhoreinge nahi …
(aur phir se dono bhir jate hain … Ugrasen unhein chhurane ki
koshish karta hai … lekin bheer usko baar baar bahar kar deti hai
beech se …)

Ugrasen
Toh ye hai haal bihar ke kisaano ka … ye apas mein hi faisla karte
rahte hain … inko sarkar ke yojna se koi khaas matlab nahi hai … isi
ka fayda Bitish kumar uthate hain …

Raju
Kya bolna chahte hain Sir Ab ?

CM
Bolna kya hai … sahi kah raha hai Sarkar ke yojna ka pata karega ee
log tab naa … bas muaawaj leta, sasta bijali se mobile charge karta
hai aur social media pe bhojpuri gana sunte rahta hai … Magar, phir
 bhi dekhiye ki bihar tarakki kar raha hai … bihar ka GDP grow kar
raha hai … ?

Raju
GDP ? ye kya hota hai … ?

CM
GDP tumko nahi pata hai ?

4th EPISODE

Raju
Ye lijiye master sahab , dekhiye …
Cut To
Ugrasen Tripathi
Namaskar Main iss waqt hu 804453 mein (pincode bata raha
hai) … aur aap dekh rahe hain Atyachar news , hum sach faar
ke dikhate hain …
Inter Cut

Master Sahab
(Raju Se) ye 804453 kya hai ?

Raju
Sir code hai

Master Sahab
Aapka secrate code ?

Raju
Nahi sir , Pin code

Master Sahab
Kahan ka ?

Raju
Parsabajar Patna , jahan aapka school tha …

Cut to
 UT
Raju Bhaay, master sahab ko boliye chuchap sach sune , nahi
toh hum aaj bahut shant hain … agar dimag garam ho gaya
toh master sahab ka sab labar labar karna nikal deinge …

Inter Cut
Raju
Sorry sorry Ugra bhai , aap continue kariye …

Cut to
UT
Toh aaj hamare saath hai vo ladka hai jisne pichhle 14 saal se
apne hi school ke head master sahab ka neend haram kar ke
rakha hai … wajah hai indirect unke muh pe hag dena … aaiye
jaante hain , uske hi muh se ki usney iss litrely ghatiya ghatna
ko kaise anjaam diya … ? bataiye ?

(Camera Pan hota hai , hum dikhate hain ek ladka ki aakriti hai
… usne blazer, tie wagaira pahna hai … parha likha aadmi
lagta hai)

Bomb Phodne wala

Toh bhaiya hum parsa , aitbaar ke rahne wale hain … aur

bachpan se hi humlog ko challenge lena pasand hai … ab aap
bataiye … aap school ko airport wala security de dijiyega toh
issey ka ho jayega … vidyarthi bomb nahi phod payega …
challenge na kiye aap phir …

UT
Haan ek dum sahi baat hai … toh kaise kiye tum ee bhai …

Bomb Phodne wala

Karna kya tha bhaiya , school ka chaprasi sala bag check
karega … pocket check karega … pichhuwara ke beech ka
juhu beech kaise chek karega … ussi mein daba ke 3 sutali
 bomb lekar school gaye … chaparasi ka scurity level cross kar
class gaye … aur jab mauka mila toh class se toilet gaye … aur
pahle hi ghar pe poora do din se toilet nahi gaye the … khoob
sara mal pet mein jama kiye hi the … pahle achchhe se fresh
huey … school mein project ke liye thermocal ka bada use hota
hai … toh oo saath le kar gaye … toilet kar ke usko thermocal
se dhak diye … phir uske upar ekdum savdhani se teeno sutali
bomb ko ek saath ek sutari se bandh diye … phir sutari ko
andar hi tape se chipka diye … aur usmein halka sa aag laga
diye … aur commot wala dhakkan se commot ko dhak diye …
aur dheere se class mein aa kar baith gaye … phir jo hua oo
toh history hai …

UT
Machis kaha se laaye ?

Bomb Phodne wala

Chaprasi dada ko biri ka lat tha UT bhaiya … oo school ke
toilet mein master sahab log se chhipa ke bidi peete the …
poora school ko pata tha ye ki vo kaha machis aur kaha bidi
rakhte the …

Inter Cut

Master Sahab
Re tum kaun hai re … ? chotta sala ?

Bomb Phodne wala

Parnaam sir , aapke gaali sharap se engeener ban gaye hain
…

Master Sahab
Re re … bolega re jaldi ki kaun hai tum … ramswaroop ka beta
hai naa re tum ?

Bomb Phodne wala

Sir aap calculate karte hain na … aap kar lijiye … parnaam
 Master Sahab
Re re … dekhega re tum … tum ek baap ka beta hai toh batao
tum kaun hai …

Bomb Phodne wala

Sir hum nahi biolgy bolta hai ki koi bhi kabhi bhi do baap ka
beta ho hi nahi sakta hai … parnaam sir, gor lagte hain …
chalte hain … (phir UT Se) parnaam bhaiya …
(aur vo bhaag jata hai)

UT
Toh 804453 se itna hi … aage aur bahut saare sach jaane ke
liye jude rahiye hamare Raju bhai ke saath … dhanyavaad.

5th EPISODE
Raju

Shabasi nahi gaaliyan de rahe hain … angrezi mein …

doston jaisa ki aap dekh rahe hain … ye pakistani aadmi jo

khud ko scientist bata raha tha … ye kitna bebakoof hai …
isey kuchh nahi aata hai … jhooth pe jooth bolna inki aadat
hai … aur inke ek aur bade jhooth ko pakada hai hamare
samvaad daata Ugrasen Tripathi ne … aaiye dekhein vo
kya dikhana chahte hain …

Cut to

(Hum dikhate hain , Ugrasen ek dum bade bade kaas ke

ghaso mein khada hai … aur reporting kar raha hai … Hum
intercut treatment se issey dikha rahe hain )
 UT
(abhi invisible hai ghaaso mein)
Namskar aap dekh rahe hain Atyachar news aur hum sach
faar ke dikhate hain … (Aur Bade bade ghaso ke beech se
kood ke camera ke saamne aata hai …)

Intercut

Scientist
Allah Jhooth na bulvaaye … par Miyan ye toh khoda pahar
aur nikali chuhiya wali baat ho gayi … (vo UT ke dubale
patle hone pe comment karta hai)

UT
Iss waqt main khada hoon Munger ke diyara kshetra mein
aur main baat karne ja raha hoon katta banane wale gang
se … jab se yahan se pakistani aatanki ke girftaar hone ki
khabar mili hai … yahan kafi chhape par rahe hain … ek
seedhe saadhe vyapar pe kya asar para hai aaiye jaante
hain … iss vyapar se jude logon se … kya asar para hai ji ?

Aadmi 1
Bahut kharab kar ke chala gaya hai oo pakistani sala …
humlog se bhojpuri mein baat kiya … pawan singh ka
gaana gaa ke suniya … toh humlog ko laga nahi achchha
aadmi hi hoga .. toh de diye katta …

UT
Vo bhojpuri bol raha tha ?

Aadmi 2
Arey kyaa baat karte hain UT Bhaiya … ekdum farrate daar
bhojpuri bol raha tha … humne puchha toh bola … ki
humare poorvaj hindu the … bihar ke hi the … Goplaganj
side ke …
 UT
Gopalganj mein kaha rahte the uske poorvaj kuchh bataya
tha ?

Aadmi 1
Meerganj hathuwa market ka bol raha tha UT Bhaiya …
Partition ke waqt … Pakistan gaya tha …

UT
Aapne pata kiya tha ? taptees ki thi uske sach ki …

Aadmi 2
Jee haan bilkul kiye the … Gopalganj mein hamara bahut
aadmi hai … sabne bola ki aisa kuchh nahi hua tha … haan
ek aadmi 10 din yahan rah ke gaya hai … aur bhojpuri
seekhne ki koshish kar raha tha

UT
Toh Raju bhaay jaisa ki aapne suna … iss pagal aadmi ka
aap bilkul bhi bharosa mat kijiyega … ye kabhi bhi kuchh
bhi kar sakta hai … Hello Raju kya aap mujhe sun pa rahe
hain …

Inter cut

Raju
(hum dikhate hain … Raju dharam se apni seat par se gir
jata hai )

Scientist
(Halke se muskurata hai …)

(Raju ko uthane Raka daurta hai … vo bhi do kadam

daurne ke baad gir jata hai behosh)
Scientist
Muskurata hai
(Raka ko uthan ke liye Ugrasen daurta hai , dharam se gir
jata hai … behosh )
Scientist
Muskurata hai

(phir kaam wali didi … raka ke changu mangu … ye dono

girte hain … aur behosh ho jate hain …)

Scientist
Muskurata hai aur dhurandhar ko dekhta hai …

Dhurandhar
Sala tum kya kiya mere logo ke saath …( aur vo scientist ko
maarne ke liye barhta hai ki ek hichaki le kar vo bhi gir jata
hai)

Scientist
Poore studio mein ek akela … scientist hi bachta hai … vo
jaise hi itminaan se uthne ki koshish karta hai … ki bahar se
announce hota hai )

Bihar Police
agar kisi ne hilne ki koshish ki toh vo police ki goli ka
nishana ban jayege … phir mat kahiyega ki bihar mein
maar diya … choop chaap surremder ho jaaiye … aur jail
mein hawa khaiye … )

Scientist
(jahan baitha rahta hai … wahi phir se baith jata hai …)

UT
Atyachar news ke iss ank mein itna hi … jaldi mileinge …
naye sach ke saath kyoki sirf, hum sach faar ke dikhate
hain …

Season ends Here