Pakistan Journal of Psychological Research, 2024, Vol. 39, No.

3, 469-490

[Link]

‘Don’t be Loud’: Challenges and Issues of

Women in Post-Marriage Family
Structures of Pakistan
Ayesha Ashfaq
University of the Punjab

This paper examined the social, cultural, financial and

psychological issues and challenges faced by married women in
post-marriage nuclear and joint family structures of Pakistan. It
was a descriptive study following the qualitative research
approach to investigate the proposed problem with the semi-
structured in-depth interviews. Respondents of the study were 12
newlyweds married women (6 from nuclear family structures and
6 from joint family structures), their husbands (12) and their
mothers-in-law (12) in Lahore. Therefore, Total 36 participants
from the same 12 families (3 participants (husband, wife and
mother-in-law) from each family) were selected through a
purposive sampling technique to collect the data. Through
thematic analysis of the responses under the light of Functional
Fit theory and family System theory, this paper concluded the
findings at multiple levels. It was observed that the selected
newly married women from nuclear families were more
independent, confident, financially better, socially active,
culturally freer and psychologically stronger than those women
who were living in the selected joint families. It was also found
that the personal bond between husband and wife from the
selected nuclear families was much stronger than that of couple
from joint families. They would be happier than those couples
whose relationships were influenced by in-laws specifically
mothers-in-law. It was further concluded that women feel free to
work, cook, give birth to their children, adopt prenatal and
postnatal care procedures, and in their life styles in nuclear family
structures. Their level of satisfaction towards married life and
husband was found much higher than those who share their
houses with their in-laws.

Keywords. Post-marriage family structures, challenges, pakistani

women

Ayesha Ashfaq, Department of Media & Development Communication,

University of the Punjab, Lahore, Pakistan.
Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Ayesha Ashfaq,
Department of Media & Development Communication, University of the Punjab,
Lahore, Pakistan. Email: [Link]@[Link]
470 ASHFAQ

Popular discourses assume that families play an important role in

socio-economic perspectives and promoting cultural norms and values
in all the parts of the world. By the passage of time, despite of many
changes, families have transformed their functions and roles but their
importance for emotional, psychological, financial, and cultural
support cannot be negated (Wasim et al., 2008). In spite of the
significance of family as a unit, South Asian region is known for its
gender-stratified society, which is categorized by patrilineal legacy
and succession practices. Women are considered as oppressed and
suppressed. They are thought as inferior to their male family members
and their lives are ruled by their fathers, brothers, husbands and sons
in a family (Kar & Tiwari, 2020). Like other South Asian countries,
females in Pakistan also face the superiority of males in their lives. It
is observed that in pre-marriage family structures, the important
decisions of a woman are taken by her father and brothers while in
post-marriage family structures, her point of view and decision
making power are in the hands of her husband and his family
members (Habiba et al., 2016). This is also evident in a report that
published by Georgetown Institute for Women, Peace, and Security,
which stated that males are the dominant part of Pakistan society;
even their ratio in term of population is higher than females.
Women of Pakistan are behind the male segment of the society
from every perspective. Although the intelligence level of females is
ahead of males in Pakistani society but still parents spend less amount
of money on their education. Apart from education, the employment
rate and job opportunities for women in Pakistan is also very low
(Jafree, 2023). In Pakistan, the patriarchal system exists which points
out that women are subordinate in the society from every perspective.
From home to the workplace, they face discrimination, disrespect,
mistreatment and violence (Zulfiqar, 2022). In the post-marriage
family structure of Pakistan, women in the husbands‟ houses
specifically mother-in-law and sister-in-law affect their lives. The
relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is highly
influenced by the factors of jealousy, insecurities, and their own past
bad experiences. Although Pakistani women are usually dependent on
males for their financial needs but for the domestic matters the
decision making choices of males are highly influenced by the opinion
of their mothers and sisters (Habiba, et al., 2016). It is also assumed
that this living style effects social, psychological, cultural and
financial position of a married woman. From career-related decisions
to children‟s health-related issues, daughter-in-law is expected to be
dependent on the opinion of her husband and mother-in-law.
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 471

Most of the studies on family system focus on the autonomy and

decision making ability of women in post-marriage family structures.
Some of the scholars described the factors of autonomy while others
analyzed its implications in the South Asian region (Char et al., 2010;
Jensen & Thorton, 2003; Kadir et al., 2003; Mumtaz & Salway, 2007;
Nisar et al., 2016). Aside from decision making and autonomy, the
impact of family structures (joint vs. nuclear) is another focus of
research in the discipline of gender studies. Some studies supported
the joint family system while the other advocates the nuclear family
system (Bajwa et al., 2016; Farooq et al., 2015; Mohyuddin &
Shehzad, 2014; Saleem & Ajmal, 2018; Shaheen et al., 2017). In
addition to family structures, social structures were also examined in a
number of researches where it was observed that how social structures
effect the married women. For instance, Habiba et al. (2016) discussed
the new concept of patriarchy which named as neo-patriarchy.
According to their research, instead of males, newly married girls are
subdued and ruled by the women living in their in-laws especially
their mother-in-law and sister-in-law.
Moreover, many scholars also conducted studies on the
difference between the living styles of working and nonworking
married women (Amos & Manieson, 2015; Hashmi et al., 2007;
Sabre, 2016). In addition, there are number of researches conducted
on violence on married women and their mental health in Pakistan
(Khan et al., 2009; Niaz, 2004; Qaisrani et al., 2016; Zarar, 2018).
Similarly, many researchers examined the weak relationship between
husband and wife and found the variables that are associated with the
quality of happy married life including autonomy in decision, family
structures, compromises, marital rape depression, the status of fertility
and age difference, and religious practices (Ali et al., 2016; Ali et al.,
2009; Kieran, 2001).
While summing up, this research is based on the concept of
triangulation of family structures where interviews are conducted of
husband, wife and mother-in-law from the same family that has given
a diverse opinion on the same issues regarding Pakistani family
structures and patriarchal society.
As this study is focusing on the post marriage family structures,
decision making and challenges of newlywed women in Lahore,
therefore, Functional fit theory and Family system theory are the
theoretical gist of this research. Parson‟s theory of „Functional Fit‟
advocates the importance of nuclear family in the modern era. It was
argued that in pre-industrial era extended family were popular because
family was considered as the unit of production but in era of
industrialization, due to structural differentiation, extended family is
472 ASHFAQ

less relevant because now different institutions have taken

responsibilities including education, health, law and order etc. which
are previously catered by the families themselves. Therefore,
according to Persons, the nuclear family fits in current society as
nuclear family performs two main functions, geographical mobility
and irreducible functions which are important for current society.
All family members are emotionally attached and their feelings,
actions and thoughts are affected by the other members of the family.
The emotional changes in one of the family member affect the whole
family which causes stress and anxiety. He also presented eight
interlocking concepts including triangles, differentiation of self,
nuclear family emotional system, family projection process,
multigenerational transmission process, emotional cutoff, Sibling
position and societal emotional process (Cohen, 2023).
Functional fit theory and Family system theory provide the basic
gist to the theoretical framework for this research as this study aims to
analyze that how the triangle of three relationship make impact on
lives of one another. The triangle (Wife, Husband and Mother-in-law)
also affect the bonding of the husband and wife, mother and son,
mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This triangle create fraction and
cause mental stress which leads towards unhappiness and bitterness
towards relationships. Like Person‟s theory of functional fit theory,
this study also suggests that to avoid the bitterness and stress the
couples should adopt nuclear family system. As in nuclear family
system couples are more confident, independent and free to make their
own choices.
Therefore, in this study, the impact of post-marriage family
structures on the way of thinking and decision making power of
women is analyzed. This study highlights the issues and challenges
faced by women while living in post-marriage nuclear and joint family
structures. This study also highlights the difference in issues and
challenges faced by working and non-working women in post-
marriage nuclear and joint family structures of Pakistan. The research
questions for this study are:

1. What issues and challenges have been facing by women of

Lahore in post-marriage family structures?
2. Is there any difference between the issues and challenges
faced by women in post-marriage nuclear and joint family
structures of Lahore?
3. To what extent the opinion of husband and mothers-in-law
influence the thinking pattern of married women in Lahore?
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 473

Method

Research Design and Sample

It is a descriptive study following qualitative research approach to

investigate the issues of newlywed women with the semi-structured
in-depth interviews. Respondents of the study were 12 newlyweds
married women (6 from nuclear family structures and 6 from joint
family structures), their husbands (12) and their mothers-in-law (12)
in Lahore. Therefore, Total 36 participants were selected from the
same 12 families (3) participants (husband, wife and mother-in-law)
from each family). The inclusion criteria and the recruitment of these
12 families by keeping all ethical considerations, were also further
classified on the following basis: 6 families from post marriage- joint
family structures and 6 from post-marriage nuclear family structures
were selected. So total are12 families. All 12 newly married women
were selected on the basis of their married lifetime period (not more
than 2 years); while, 6 newly married women from post-marriage joint
family structures including 3 working women from post-marriage
joint family structures and 3 non-working women from post-marriage
joint family structures were selected. Moreover, 6 newlywed women
from post-marriage nuclear family structures including 3 working
women from post-marriage nuclear family structures and 3 non-
working women from post-marriage nuclear family structures were
chosen.
In addition, another inclusion criterion was their husbands‟
monthly income that would be less than PKR 1 lac and in joint family
structures, the selected married women‟s husband would be the only
bread earner for the whole family. Theses 12 families were selected on
the basis of the willingness of wife, husband and mother-in-law of the
same family to participate in the research. It was well communicated
to keep the identity anonymous before recruiting all three members of
the same family as the participants of the research.
In Pakistan, due to the patriarchal system, women move to
husband‟s homes right after their marriage to live with their families
where husbands‟ families and especially mothers‟-in-law have
dominant role in their lives. Even if the newly married couple decides
to live separately in nuclear family system, most of the times, the
reasons is their jobs and living in the separate cities. Otherwise, after a
few months or at times years, this is very hard for a husband to take
his wife to a separate house that causes a very serious family dispute
in Pakistani families. Keeping these family norms in mind, the
families were selected that were recommended by the relatives and
474 ASHFAQ

friends where the researcher developed the rapport to talk about their
issues, challenges and struggles of living together or separately. The
anonymity was kept assured. In addition to all mentioned above, the
participants were also informed that they were free to opt in or out of
the study at any point in time. The purpose, benefits and funding
behind the study was also well communicated before they agreed to
participate in the research.
After managing time and venue by keeping the preference of the
respondents, interviews of 40 minutes to 1 hour are conducted. Semi-
structured questionnaire is constructed for newlywed women, her
husbands and her mothers-in-law separately. The data is analyzed by
employing the descriptive approach of thematic analysis. The themes
are extracted from the data. The following steps suggested by different
scholars (Bringer et al., 2004; Creswell, 2003; Gonzalez-Salgado et
al., 2022; McKim, 2023) are adopted by the researcher. The
interviews, type field notes and utterances were transcribed that are
also called „Verbatim Transcription‟. All the statements were arranged
and sorted. The common ideas of the participants‟ responses were
found into the different themes. These themes were coded and
categorized through NVivo respectively. The validity of the research
was ensured through the following methods: the researcher used the
members‟ check technique by articulating and summarizing
participants' responses during the interviews (Buchbinder, 2011;
Gonzalez-Salgado et al., 2022). Through member check or validation
check, the researcher bracketed own experiences and personal biases
to make the findings more reliable and valid. The follow-up meetings,
telephone and email communications with participants were also
arranged to validate meanings of their perceptions and to make sure
that the researcher was not dominant on the interpretation of the
statements rather the participants are active (McKim, 2023). As per
the commitment to the respondents, their identity kept confidential.
They were assigned by the alphabets in the following way.

Joint Families

A (A1=Daughter-in-law, A2= Husband, A3=Mother-in-law)

B (B1=Daughter-in-law, B2= Husband, B3=Mother-in-law)
C (C1=Daughter-in-law, C2= Husband, C3=Mother-in-law)
D (D1=Daughter-in-law, D2= Husband, D3=Mother-in-law)
E (E1=Daughter-in-law, E2= Husband, E3=Mother-in-law)
F (F1=Daughter-in-law, F2= Husband, F3=Mother-in-law)
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 475

Nuclear Families
G (G1=Daughter-in-law, G2= Husband, G3=Mother-in-law)
H (H1=Daughter-in-law, H2= Husband, H3=Mother-in-law)
I (I1=Daughter-in-law, I2= Husband, I3=Mother-in-law)
J (J1=Daughter-in-law, J2= Husband, J3=Mother-in-law)
K (K1=Daughter-in-law, K2= Husband, K3=Mother-in-law)
L (L1=Daughter-in-law, L2= Husband, L3=Mother-in-law)

Table 1: Demographic Characteristics of the Sample

Joint Family Status Qualification Background
Respondents

A Educated housewife MA in English

B Educated housewife MA in History
C Educated housewife MPhil in English
D Educated working Masters in Economics
E Educated working PhD in History
F Educated working MA in English
Nuclear Family
Respondents Status Qualification Background
G Educated housewife BS(Hons) Mass Com.
H Educated housewife BS(Hons) in Mathematics
I Educated housewife [Link]
J Educated working MA in English
K Educated working PhD in Mass Com.
L Educated working BS (Hons) Mathematics
Note. Com. = Communication.

Findings and Discussion

This section discusses the analysis of the responses recorded by
36 members from 6 joint families and 6 nuclear families that answers
all the research questions. A woman, her husband, and her mother-in-
law from each family were interviewed to investigate the post-
marriage issues and challenges facing by newlywed women in nuclear
and joint family structures of Pakistan. After analyzing the responses
by following the steps discussed above, the emerged themes included
decision making, expectations, stress, social networking and social
circle, personality changes, and relationship between husband and
wife.
Although women in nuclear families are more independent than
joint family system but still due to the patriarchal society they have
less decision making authority and most of them rely on their
476 ASHFAQ

husbands‟ opinion but on the other hand, women in join family

system, are not independent at all. It was found that women in joint
family structures are more dissatisfied, disappointed and frustrated
due to high expectations from both ends while in nuclear family
structures, they are more satisfied and contended. Moreover, women
in joint family structures are more stressed out and have psychological
pressure towards their responsibilities and life styles than women in
nuclear family structures. Women in joint family structures are more
aloof and not social at all due to the fear of being judged by their in-
laws. On the other hand, women in nuclear family structures are more
well-connected, social and have choices to meet people around.
Women in nuclear family structures are more confident, well-groomed
and have better vision towards life than women in joint family
structures. In addition, women in joint family structures have weak
bond with their husbands due to stress and frustration prevailed in the
family and in-laws while the women in nuclear family structures have
strong bond with their husbands and spend quality time together.

Decision Making: Powerful or Powerless

All the families have their routines and patterns which are
formulated over the time that creates an ontological security. As a new
spouse come into the family, the routines are inevitably shaken.
Communication and power concertation change its pattern after any
marriage enters into a family institution (Volling et al., 2015). In
patriarchal societies like Pakistan, this perceived relationship between
agency and structure in the joint-family system is stronger than the
nuclear family system (Sultana, 2011). Therefore, in this study, it was
explored that the expectations to bring some change in oneself is only
associated with the new female addition into the family. The data that
emerged from the study revealed that there is a clear distinction
between the decision making power of women after marriage belongs
to the nuclear and joint family system. The decision in a joint family
system is usually taken by the family of the husband, especially by his
mother or father. It is also endorsed by almost all the participants of
the joint family system who agreed that the major decisions of the
family are decided by Mother-in-law and Husband. Due to the factor
of being elder and having authority, B1 added that “she decides
everything like from the menu of the lunch to the purchase of a
property, she has the ultimate control.” Husbands justify the power of
their mother by saying their mothers got more experience than their
wives due to which it is rightfully fair to let their mothers decide the
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 477

matters in their houses. They also claimed that elders always make the
right choices as their marriage decision is also taken by their mothers.
In response to this, mothers-in-law also have their own point of
view. They think they imposed their decisions in lieu to care for them.
As C3 said, “And I don‟t want to butt in and I want to be sensitive to
them and not impose on them, that would be the only place that we
could have problems is if they think I am imposing”. A few
stereotypical prior beliefs (especially in non-working less educated
newly-wed girls in the joint family system) also strengthen their post-
priori beliefs. B1 discussed that she was told by her mother that “do
not speak loud in front of your mother-in-law. Consider that house as
the last before death. Ignore petty issues. It is your duty to save your
house”.
However, the decisions in the nuclear family system do not
follow the strict structure. It was found that the decision-making
power in the nuclear family is usually done by the couple. The highly
educated wives living in a nuclear family system are likely to have
more power of decision making in their house. However, the decisions
about property investment are still taken by their husband. This
propagates that the involvement of in-laws is less in the decision
making process in the nuclear family system. Even in few instances,
the daughters-in-law get more authority in addressing household
chores like deciding a doctor to have a checkup and where they go for
shopping. As I1 added that “we are autonomous in taking decisions
but I got more power in deciding the doctor and shopping mall, etc”.
It was also observed from the above findings that although
women in nuclear families are more independent than joint family
system but still due to the patriarchal society they have less decision
making authority and most of them rely on their husbands‟ opinion.

Expectations: Satisfied or Discontented

In post-marriage family structures, it is noticed that behind all the
issues among the daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law is the factor of
expectation. Both develop high hopes from each other. When these
expectations do not meet, the bitter relationship starts. Before
marriage, women develop high expectations and negative vibes for
their in-laws due to the popular belief of the society which eventually
disturbs their relationship after marriage. Even in-laws do not make
efforts to change this perception and expect from daughters-in-law to
adjust in the family according to their existing structure (Prentice,
2008). As E1 added that “expecting appreciation and favor from your
mother-in-law is just like making a house on sand which collapses
sooner or later (laugh)”.
478 ASHFAQ

Daughters-in-law E1 and D1 also added that they are working

women with newborn babies. So they had a lot of expectations while
living in a joint family system. They thought it would be easier for
them to do the job as their in-laws would take care of the babies.
Contrary to this expectation, they are now facing new and different
kind of glitches. They are now taunted as negligent and careless
mothers. Their mothers-in-law criticized them in front of everyone
that they look after their kids; they are more attached to them; and
their daughters-in-law do nothing except spending days out.
Daughters-in-law from a nuclear family system added that their
mothers-in-law have developed high expectations from them. As they
assume from them to take care of the whole house, their son visits
them every weekend and also to call them daily. If they fail to visit
them every weekend, they start poking their sons against their wives
and making a big issue out of it. As K1 said “I always try to call her
daily but sometimes due to my busy routine I forget to do that, she
calls my husband and starts complaining about my rude behavior
which I think is quite unfair because I even do not get time to call my
mother daily”.
On the other hand, husbands from the nuclear family system said
that they only expect their wives to manage the house effectively and
respect their parents. According to most of them, their mothers do not
expect anything from both of them. They just pray for their wellbeing
together. They thought themselves under pressure due to the
expectations of both parties from them. As the husband from the
nuclear family said that “every weekend I am in a great stress as my
mother wants me to visit her while my wife wants to stay in the house,
go for shopping, picnic or to visit her mother. So I feel helpless under
the burden of expectations”. Husbands from the joint family system
also face the same issues with the addition of many other issues. They
have to manage the time, money, support, and many other things for
their wives and mothers at the same time but to avoid the conflict they
mostly try to make understand their wives and ask them to
compromise instead of their mothers.
This trend is also verified by the responses of mothers-in-law
from both family systems. Although all the mothers-in-law have a lot
of expectations from their sons and daughters-in-law as compared to
mothers-in-law from nuclear families. They put less pressure on their
son than the mothers of a joint family system. All of them emphasize
that they presume that their son and daughters-in-law should give
them respect, should seek their permission before making any
important decision, and should visit them often because it is their right
being their parents.
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 479

On the other hand, mothers from the joint family system had
developed quite higher expectations from their sons and daughters-in-
law. From the food to dresses, from the kid‟s matters to shopping, the
mothers-in-law have developed expectations for each matter. One of
the mother-in-law told her that “in the initial days of my son‟s
marriage, his wife used to cook tasteless food without adding any kind
of spice and salt but now I guide her to make the perfect food for our
family”. Another mother-in-law added that “my son always complains
me about the bad dressing of my daughters-in-law and frankly
speaking I also do not like her dressing sense so I have worked a lot
on that and made her realize that she should dress up according to her
husband desires.”
Like the studies of Kadir et al. (2003), Mumtaz and Salway
(2007), and Nisar et al. (2016), this study also endorses that mothers-
in-law from joint family system keep expectations regarding the
family planning of their sons and daughters-in-law which put pressure
on the spouses and ultimately influence the decision of the couple.

Stress: Peaceful or Unhappy Married Life

Stress has received significant attention in marital research which

proved it to be a significant part to understand the stability and quality
of marriage (Bryant et al., 2001; Cutrona et al., 2005; Marotz-Baden
& Cowan, 1987; Wu et al., 2010). Previous researches found its close
association with longevity and satisfaction with marriage life (Randall
& Bodenmann, 2009). Stress is caused by different factors which are
called stressors and the negative consequences of those stressors are
called strains (Greenberg, 2012).
Two types of stress are perceived by the newly-wed daughters-in-
law. One of them is caused due by the overburden of household
chores. Whereas, the second one is due to the criticism on the quality
of work and behaviors. The perceived stress among newly-wed
daughters-in-law varies in nuclear and joint family structures. Like
women from the joint family system face more stress as compared to
women of nuclear families. They feel controlled, less important, and
burdened. Usually, the women in the joint family structure do not do
jobs by their own choice or they are not allowed to do the job. As a
result, she sometimes asked to look after every matter in the house
from dawn till dusk. For instance, A1 said that “I used to work from
morning to evening, my fathers-in-law gets up at the Fajr (prayer
time), I boil water for him so he could do ablution before praying."
She further said that “this could lead to exhaustion. Sometimes…
rather I would say all the times, my in-laws consider me a machine
480 ASHFAQ

which they think never turn off”. Similarly, D1 added that “I

sometimes think of visiting a psychiatrist due to the stress which is
caused by the exhaustion”. Moreover, one subject E1 replied that “I
use to feel a headache starting from noon every day". This is an
example of a strain due to the stressors of stress.
In nuclear families, even the daughters-in-law, who do not do
jobs, gave their opinion about the criticism they face from their in-
laws. Their in-laws think that they do not do anything because they
are only two members (not counting the newly-born babies even) but
the situation is quite different.
For instance, F1 said that “my in-laws often say, O dear, didn't
you get bored from living idol all day? (laugh gently). They think
taking care of a baby and looking after the needs of husbands are
nothing.”
However, the daughters-in-law who live in nuclear families and
do some kind of jobs usually have the facility of a maid. Their in-laws
know that their daughters-in-law do the job so they do not get much
criticism which could yield stress. Therefore, husbands from the
nuclear family system think their wives are not facing any kind of
major mental stress, whereas husbands from the joint family system
agreed that their wives are facing mental stress due to family
expectations. As K 2 added that "we are enjoying our life. You could
ask my wife separately, she never complained about any big problem
related to my family". However, C2 said that "I am worried about the
relationship between my wife and my mother. They usually indulge in
a verbal fight on tiny issues.”
It was found that daughters-in-laws living in families having low
income, irrespective of which system they belong (joint or nuclear),
tend to experience stress more than the daughters-in-law living in
families having a better financial resource. As A1 stated that “my
husband gives his whole salary to my mother-in-law and then I need
to take from her if I need. Just see, isn‟t it unfair? Sometimes, my
mind comes at the brink of exploding”. On the other side, H1 from the
nuclear family added that “I usually have a significant amount of
money with me all the time. My husband shares money with me every
time he gets a new contract".
There are many videos, articles, news writings, and other
suggestions available that guide how to live happily after marriage
(Fatima & Ajmal, 2012; Stutzer & Frey, 2006; Wolfinger & Wilcox,
2008). Many of them suggest dividing the household work but the
patriarchal societies including Pakistan where the work, like cooking
food, cleaning the house, and other household chores, are mainly
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 481

associated with women. It is obvious when someone is taking care of

one person (or of children as well) and when she is told to look after
the parents also, the workload increases and this could lead to some
changes in cognitive, emotional, and eventual behavior. This societal
association of housework is further seen differently among joint and
nuclear family systems. Most of the women living in a joint family
system believe that they are doing overwork since their marriage. This
fact becomes darker as A1 said, “It is suggested by Islam to serve the
husband and his family”. One of the daughters-in-law in the joint
family system, E1 said that,

My mother-in-law told me in front of my husband

about one incident of the saint‟s life that the wife used
to keep a stick with herself while working [while
making breads etc.] So, when her husband used to
return from work and find that the bread was not
made as per his choice, he would not be in need of
searching a stick to beat her. Can you imagine how
much stressful this story would be for me and family?
Social Networking and Social Circle: Connected or Aloof
Women feel the disruption in their communication patterns after
their marriage. They acculturate and adjust themselves in the new
house according to the norms and values of their in-laws (Won &
Kim, 2014). They give up their social life and also make a
compromise regarding the usage of social media and the friends in the
real social circle due to their in-laws. By large, it is observed that in
patriarchal societies, strategic constraints and restrictive social norms
can limit the interactions of daughters-in-law with their social
networks and the number of benefits that they can get from them.
It was observed that daughters-in-law from joint and nuclear
families have different point of views about their social life after
marriage. The women from the joint family system feel restricted and
unhappy related to their social circle. As most of them said that they
do not get much time to meet their families and friends after marriage.
As one of them, A1 stated that “whenever I came back even from my
parents‟ house I welcomed with a weird expression like I have
committed a blunder. So to avoid that I hardly go anywhere.”
Even the usage of social networking websites for daughters-in-
law of the joint family system is quite difficult. As they said that in-
laws do not restrict them openly or verbally but they have to hear the
barbs from their mothers-in-law while using mobile phones. Privacy is
another reason which restricts the usage of mobile phones among the
482 ASHFAQ

newlywed females from the joint family system. As D1 said that

“everyone is watching you and judging you from your facial
expressions while using a mobile phone.”
Apart from all of that, working women from the joint family
system enjoy a little bit of more liberty than non-working women
because they spend some time outside the house in the offices and also
have the freedom to meet with their friends but still their interaction
with their parents is less.
Similarly, women from the nuclear family system are also
concerned about their social life but the reason behind their
apprehensions is different. All the women from the nuclear family
system whether they are working or non-working do enjoy full
freedom concerning the usage of mobile phones or meeting with their
friends until or unless their husband do not mind.
Husbands and mothers-in-law said that they do not restrict the
social networking and usage of mobile phones of their wives and
daughters-in-law. In fact, according to them, they encourage them to
stay active and connected. Husbands from the joint family system said
their wives can meet their relatives and her friends any time but she
should inform them or their mothers before going anywhere for
security reasons due to the current situation of Pakistan. They also
think it is a gesture of respect if their wives seek permission from their
mothers. Before marriage, they also take permission from their parents
before going anywhere. According to them, it is no threat to their
privacy or social life.

Changes in Personality: Positive or Negative

Women undergoes many self-changes after marriage. Publically

binding yourself with a stranger or opposite personality is not easy for
a woman. They experience different changes in their attitude as well
as in their behavior. Some of these changes are positive while others
have negative consequences. Like feeling more independent, open,
confident, and valued are some positive changes that some women get
develop after marriage due to the support of their husband, those
changes make their personality more pleasant. On the other hand,
some women after marriage due to facing constant criticism by their
in-laws and husbands lose their self-confidence, independence, and
boldness which make their personality dull and boring. They look
frightened, have zero confidence, and unable to make even simple
decisions. All these factors not only leave an impact on their mental
health but also make a huge effect on the mindset of their children
(McIntosh, 2002).
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 483

This study also tries to analyze self-changes that occur in the

newlywed women of the joint and nuclear family to understand how
in-laws and husbands‟ behavior influence the personality of women.
Women belong to nuclear families agreed that they are more
independent and confident after marriage, their opinion is being
valued and respected by the husbands and they are also now becoming
more well aware of the financial matters. All the women from the
nuclear family system said that they feel positive changes in their
personality after marriage. Contrary to this, women from the joint
family system have mixed opinions on this issue like some of them
felt no change after marriage but some of them felt that they were
more confident and independent before marriage. Now they have to
consider a lot of factors before taking a single step. For example, A1
added that
If I want to buy a sofa for my room, first, I have to
discuss it with my husband. Second, I have to get
permission from my mother-in-law who will ask a lot
of questions like why you want it? What happened to
the previous one? Then I can get it if she allows.
The women from the joint family system have to make a lot of
compromises after marriage. They want to save their house so they
keep their „loud voices‟ to themselves which makes the relationship
with in-laws bitter.
On the other hand, the husbands from the nuclear family system
take all the credit behind the positive changes in their wives to
themselves. Whilst the husbands from the joint family system added
that their family especially their mothers are the main reason behind
the confidence and independence of their wives as they make them
comfortable in the house and also guide them about household matters
about which they were untrained what they got married. As E2 added,
My wife did not know how to cook. She was unable
to do grocery shopping. It is my mother who taught
her everything. She was even not able to speak for
herself but now after marriage, she is vocal on every
matter and we even listen to her suggestions. I think
all these factors have increased her confidence.
Mothers-in-law from the joint family system also told the same
story. They said that like every member of the family she has right to
give suggestions about family issues but the final decision is made by
the male members of the house as they have more exposure to the
world than them.
484 ASHFAQ

Relationship Between Husband and Wife: Strong or Weak

Post marriage family structures also make an impact on the
overall relationship between husband and wife. In a joint family
system, the wife and husband do not enjoy a healthy relationship. The
husband always strangles between his family and wife especially his
mother. He has to show his loyalties to both women and all these
factors make his relationship conflicted with his mother as well as his
wife. Whilst, the husband and wife from the nuclear family enjoys a
healthy relationship as they are the decision-makers of their house. So
they spend more time with each other. Although even in conflicting
moments, they sort out their differences more rapidly as compared to
the couple belong to the joint family system. As one of the daughters-
in-law H1 from the nuclear family stated that “after marriage
definitely misunderstandings come in between husband and wife but
we always try to sort out these silly things quickly as there is no third
party (pointing towards her mother-in-law) involved. So, things get
settled down easily.”
The working daughters in law from the nuclear family also
highlighted that most of their misunderstandings are because of their
in-laws. As one of them, H1 added that;

I and my husband are enjoying a friendly relationship

but mostly after the call of his mother, he started
complaining to me about petty issues which make me
angry in the initial days but now I understand it is just
a matter of time he will calm down soon and then he
will realize his mistake on his own.

On the other hand, couples from the Joint family system do not
often enjoy a healthy relationship. According to daughters-in-law
from the joint family system, they have to spend the whole day with
in-laws and they only get less time to spend with their husbands. So
their relationship lacks the element of sharing which in turn makes
their bond weak. As one of the daughters-in-law, B1 stated that she
thinks that the only discussion that she has done with her husband
after two years of marriage is either related to household work or
about family issues.
Apart from the issue of spending quality time, the wives also
emphasized the misunderstandings that are created between both of
them by in-laws. Like most of the daughters-in-law said that whenever
they make food, their mothers-in-law highlight their mistakes, also
point out their faults in house cleaning in front of their husbands and
all in-laws to damage their repute. They represent daughters-in-law as
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 485

irresponsible and careless. All these issues create a rift among

husband and wife.
In addition to that, husbands agreed that they spend less time with
their wives. Even a few argued that they feel frustrated in their house
due to a continuous clash between their wife and mother. They
pointed out that their mothers often complain about their wives while
wives are also doing the same thing. Contrary to this, mothers-in-law
from the joint family system argued that due to the virtue of the joint
family system, the working daughters-in-law are easily doing a job
without taking tension in household work. They said that they enjoy
their life freely.
To sum up the whole discussion and answering all the research
questions, it can arguably be said that the daughters-in-law are happier
living in nuclear family structures after marriage and mothers-in-law
in the joint family structures. The daughters-in-law are more powerful
in decision making in nuclear and the mothers-in-law in joint family
structures. Expectations of daughters-in-law are too high and
somehow met after their marriage whereas the opposite in both cases
in joint family structures. The daughters-in-laws living in nuclear
family structure enjoy more individual, modernized, and personal
focused life which eventually gives pleasure to the couple. Whereas
the daughters-in-laws living in a joint family structure enjoy more
collective, traditional, and family-focused life which may or may not
be a source of satisfaction for all. Similarly, social life is limited in
joint and broad in nuclear for daughters-in-law. Every structure (either
nuclear or joint) is not inherently bad but the choice of living in which
family structure should be of the independent view of a spouse. The
patriarchal societies, like Pakistan, have traveled a lot to give this right
to many individuals but yet many daughters-in-law live in accord with
their in-laws‟ choice.

Limitations and Recommendations

This study has few limitations on the basis of the selection of the
limited sample. Only 12 families are selected because to find families
in a patriarchal society like Pakistan where daughters-in-law, mothers-
in-law and husbands from the same family unit do not easily get ready
to be the participants of the research at the same time to talk about the
issues and challenges of living together.
There are also many other variables involved in post-marriage
family structures that may increase the issues and challenges in the
lives of newlywed women. For instance, fathers-in-laws, sisters-in-
laws, brothers-in-laws and their extended families, domestic helpers
and their conspiracies in joint family systems, time management and
486 ASHFAQ

balance between personal and professional responsibilities, etc.

Therefore, the relationships and effects of such variables on physical,
psychological, social and cultural aspects of women are also one of
the limitations of the study.
The study offers a detailed look at the issues and challenges of
women in post-marriage family structures which opens the way for the
other researchers to analyze this issue from the different perspectives.
Regarding this study, there are some recommendations that can be
used for future research. The social and psychological impact of status
of women in the post marriage family structures on the mindset and
intelligence level of their children can be a focus of further
investigation. For this purpose, psychologists and sociologists can be
involved for further collaborations.
Influence of daughter-in-law on the decisions of husband/
mother-in-law can be another continuation. For this, the same
methodology used in this project can be utilized in terms of husbands
and other members as a center of focus. There can be a comparison
between the issues and challenges faced by newlywed women and
those who have spent a few years with their in-laws. There can be
another comparison between the issues and challenges faced by young
(teenage/mid 20s) newlywed women which is a common practice in
Pakistan and mature (30's or late 30's) wed women.
This study is focusing on overall issues of a daughter-in-law in
the nuclear and joint family system one can study the issues and
challenges of mother-in-law and husbands in detail by using the same
methodology. This study is only related to mother-in-law, daughter-in-
law and husband so the future researcher can extend this area by
adding the father in laws‟ point of view. As in this study, it is
concluded that father-in-law also makes an impact on decisions of the
family. Future research can also compare the issues and challenges of
women from other South Asian countries by keeping in view the
findings of this research.

Conclusion

This descriptive study illustrates the issues and challenges that

are being faced by the newlywed daughters in law from Lahore in
post-marriage family structures. By conducting interviews of 12
families (6 nuclear and 6 joint), this study stresses that triangle of
relationships is influencing the lives of married women in post-
marriage family structures as it is described by the family system
theory. The triangle (Wife, Husband, and Mother-in-law) also got
disturbed in the bonding like the bonds of husband and wife, mother
and son, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. This triangle generates
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 487

fraction which causes mental stress and makes the relationship

between all the three parties bitter and unhappy. Like functional fit
theory, this study also recommends that the nuclear family system is
suitable for the current age. As in a nuclear family system, couples can
develop more bonding than in a joint family system. The finding of
the research concludes that the issues and challenges of married
women from the nuclear and joint family system are quite different.
Women from the joint family system are not able to make their
decision, living under high expectations from in-laws, facing mental
and physical stress, unable to a decide for children and household, not
bonding well with husband and also experiencing a bitter relationship
with mother-in-law. On the other hand, the dynamics of the nuclear
family system are different. They are bonding well with husbands, and
can take decisions with more autonomy and power than the joint
family daughters-in-law. From household chores to giving birth to
children, the nuclear family‟s daughters-in-laws are more autonomous
as compared to their counterparts.

References

Ali, A., Shah, M., Shafi, B., & Jan, A. (2016). Divorce as an outcome of
cultural non adjustment in traditional society of Malakand, Khyber
Pakhtunkhwa. Dialogue, 11(2). 214-226.
Ali, F. A., Israr, S. M., Ali, B. S., & Janjua, N. Z. (2009). Association of
various reproductive rights, domestic violence and marital rape with
depression among Pakistani women. BMC Psychiatry, 9(1), 1-13.
[Link]
Amos, M. P., & Manieson, E. (2015). Issues and challenges confronting
married women in tertiary institutions. International Journal of
Education, Learning and Development, 3(9), 19-27.
Bajwa, R. S., Bibi, H., & Ali, H. (2016). Level of happiness and life
satisfaction among married and unmarried females unmarried females.
South Asian Journal of Banking and Social Sciences, 2(1), 48-60.
Bringer, J. D., Johnston, L. H., & Brackenridge, C. H. (2004). Maximizing
transparency in a doctoral thesis: The complexities of writing about the
use of QSR*NVIVO within a grounded theory study. Qualitative
Research, 4(2), 247-265.
Bryant, C. M., Conger, R. D., & Meehan, J. M. (2001). The influence of in-
laws on change in marital success. Journal of Marriage and Family,
63(3), 614-626.
Buchbinder, E. (2011). Beyond checking: Experiences of the validation
interview. Qualitative Social Work, 10(1), 106-122. [Link]
77/1473325010370189
488 ASHFAQ

Char, A., Saavala, M., & Kulmala, T. (2010). Influence of mothers-in-law on

young couples‟ family planning decisions in rural India. Reproductive
Health Matters, 18(35), 154-162. [Link]
(10)35497-8
Cohen, I. S. (2023, November 13). Understanding Bowen family systems
theory: Enhancing your relationships through emotional differentiation.
Psychology Today. [Link]
emotional-meter/202311/understanding-bowen-family-systems-theory
Creswell, J. W. (2003). Research design: Qualitative, quantitative, and mixed
methods approaches. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Cutrona, C. E., Russell, D. W., & Gardner, K. A. (2005). The relationship
enhancement model of social support. In T. A. Revenson, K. Kayser, &
G. Bodenmann (Eds.), Couples coping with stress: Emerging perspectives
on dyadic coping (pp. 73-95). New York, USA: American Psychological
Association.
Farooq, A., Kayani, A. K., & Ahmad, K. (2015). Marriage and family
structures in the rural Punjab. International Journal of Sociology and
Social Policy, 35(5/6), 306-324. [Link]
034
Fatima, M., & Ajmal, M. A. (2012). Happy marriage: A qualitative study.
Pakistan Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 9(2), 37-42.
Gonzalez-Salgado, I. de L., Rivera-Navarro, J., Gutierrez-Sastre, M., Conde,
P., & Franco, M. (2022). Conducting member checking within a
qualitative case study on health-related behaviors in a large European
city: Appraising interpretations and co-constructing findings. Health,
28(1), 3-21. [Link]
Greenberg, J. (2012). Comprehensive stress management. New York, USA:
McGraw-Hill Education.
Habiba, U., Ali, R., & Ashfaq, A. (2016). From patriarchy to neopatriarchy:
Experiences of women from Pakistan. International Journal of
Humanities and Social Science, 6(3), 212-221.
Hashmi, H. A., Khurshid, M., & Hassan, I. (2007). Marital adjustment, stress
and depression among working and non-working married
women. Internet Journal of Medical Update, 2(1), 19-26.
Jafree, S. R. (2023). Employment, informal sector work, and social policy for
women of Pakistan. In S. R. Jafree (Ed.), Social policy for women in
Pakistan (pp.181-213). Boston, USA: Palgrave Macmillan.
Jensen, R., & Thornton, R. (2003). Early female marriage in the developing
world. Gender & Development, 11(2), 9-19. [Link]
54311
Kadir, M. M., Fikree, F. F., Khan, A., & Sajan, F. (2003). Do mothers-in-law
matter? Family dynamics and fertility decision-making in urban squatter
settlements of Karachi, Pakistan. Journal of Biosocial Science, 35(4),
545-558. [Link]
 ISSUES OF WOMEN IN POST-MARRIAGE FAMILY STRUCTURES 489

Kar, R. N., & Tiwari, K. (2020). Realms of gender interactions: South Asian
Perspectives. South Asian Survey, 27(2), 91-97.
Khan, A. J., Ali, T. S., & Khuwaja, A. K. (2009). Domestic violence among
Pakistani women: An insight into literature. Isra Medical Journal, 1(2),
54-56.
Kieran, S. T. (2001). Understanding the relationship between religiosity and
marriage: An investigation of the immediate and longitudinal effects of
religiosity on newlywed couples. Journal of Family Psychology, 15, 610-
626.
Marotz-Baden, R., & Cowan, D. (1987). Mothers-in-law and daughters-in-
law: The effects of proximity on conflict and stress. Family Relations,
36, 385-390.
McIntosh, J. E. (2002). Thought in the face of violence: A child‟s need. Child
Abuse & Neglect, 26(3), 229-241.
McKim, C. (2023). Meaningful member-checking: A structured approach to
member-checking. American Journal of Qualitative Research, 7(2), 41-
52. [Link]
Mohyuddin, A., & Shehzad, Z. (2014). Women representation and
development discourse: An anthropological insight of women
experiences. Pakistan Journal of History & Culture, 35(2)-222-228
Mumtaz, Z., & Salway, S. M. (2007). Gender, pregnancy and the uptake of
antenatal care services in Pakistan. Sociology of Health & Illness, 29(1),
1-26. [Link]
Niaz, U. (2004). Women's mental health in Pakistan. World Psychiatry, 3(1),
60-62. [Link]
Nisar, S., Ullah, S., & Khan, H. A. (2016). To determine the knowledge,
attitude and practice of family planning in women of reproductive age
group in district Mardan. Journal of Bacha Khan Medical College, 1(2),
91-96. [Link] e/view/38
Prentice, C. M. (2008). The assimilation of in-laws: The impact of
newcomers on the communication routines of families. Journal of
Applied Communication Research, 36(1), 74-97. [Link]
00909880701799311
Qaisrani, A., Liaquat, S., & Khokhar, E. N. (2016). Socio-economic and
Cultural Factors of Violence against Women in Pakistan. Sustainable
Development Policy Institute (SDPI). 1-24. [Link]
m/handle/11540/6823/Socio-economic%26Cultural-Factors-of-Violence-
against-Women-in-Pakistan(W-58).pdf?sequence=1
Randall, A. K., & Bodenmann, G. (2009). The role of stress on close
relationships and marital satisfaction. Clinical Psychology Review, 29(2),
105-115. [Link]
Sabre, K. (2016). Marital adjustment among women: A comparative study of
nuclear and joint families. The International Journal of Indian
Psychology, 3(2), 26-32.
490 ASHFAQ

Saleem, G., & Ajmal, M. A. (2018). Work-family balance: Experiences of

successful professional women in academia in Pakistan. Pakistan Journal
of Psychological Research, 33(1), 101-121.
Shaheen, A., Kumar, H., Ali, U., & Rasool, I. (2017). Body mass index as a
predictor of marital satisfaction in married adults. Journal of the Liaquat
University of Medical and Health Sciences, 16(4), 228-232.
Stutzer, A., & Frey, B. S. (2006). Does marriage make people happy, or do
happy people get married? The Journal of Socio-Economics, 35(2), 326-
347. [Link]
Sultana, A. M. (2011). Factors effect on women autonomy and decision-
making power within the household in rural communities. Journal of
Applied Sciences Research, 7(1), 18-22.
Volling, B. L., Oh, W., Gonzalez, R., Kuo, P. X., & Yu, T. (2015). Patterns
of marital relationship change across the transition from one child to two.
Couple & Family Psychology, 4(3), 177-197. [Link]
0000046
Wasim, M. P., Herani, G. M., Farooqui, W., & Qureshi, M. A. (2008).
Family types, authority structure and women workers in Sindh labor
force: Problems and prospects. Indus Journal of Management & Social
Sciences, 2(1), 24-49.
Wolfinger, N. H., & Wilcox, W. B. (2008). Happily, ever after? Religion,
marital status, gender and relationship quality in urban families. Social
Forces, 86(3), 1311-1337. [Link]
Won, S., & Kim, H. (2014). Importance of family values differences between
husbands and wives in determining depression in foreign wives in Korean
multicultural families: Examining the moderating effect of social support.
Asian Social Work and Policy Review, 8(1), 1-15. [Link]
1111/aswp.12021
Wu, T. F., Yeh, K. H., Cross, S. E., Larson, L. M., Wang, Y. C., & Tsai, Y.
L. (2010). Conflict with mothers-in-law and Taiwanese women‟s marital
satisfaction: The moderating role of husband support. The Counseling
Psychologist, 38(4), 497-522. [Link]
Zarar, R. (2018). Domestic violence against women: A complex issue in
Pakistan. Crimson Publishers, 2(3), 1-3. [Link]
h.2018.02.000540
Zulfiqar, G.M. (2022). Inequality regimes, patriarchal connectivity, and the
elusive right to own land for women in Pakistan. Journal of Business
Ethics, 177, 799-811. [Link]

Received 15 May 2024

Revision received 08 July 2024