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MODULE THREE : TOPIC 2

HOW TO MEET PEOPLE ONLINE

Transcript

How to
Meet People
Online

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In that last lesson, we talked about the art and science of meeting people in
the real world.

In this lesson, we’ll be exploring how to meet people online.

All the same principles from the previous lesson apply to online networking,
but online relationships do require some special approaches, which we’ll be
exploring in more depth here. Remember: your confidence, interest and
banter are still important online, even though you’re behind a keyboard.

So let’s get to it!

Starting with why meeting people online is so important.

Digital networking is just an extension of the real world, and a convenient

way to create real-world interactions. Meeting people online basically scales
your presence, since you can be in multiple places at once, and allows you to
reach people and places you wouldn’t otherwise be able to reach. Networking
online is also easier, more convenient, less stressful, and often less intimidating
than walking up to someone in real life. For all those reasons, we’re insanely
lucky to have the internet at our fingertips.

But remember this: Online networking is just another tool to create mean-
ingful relationships.

And meaningful relationships create social capital out in the real world.
Virtual relationships only become truly useful when they enhance your life.
We’re not here to get 10,000 Twitter followers, but to create online relationships
that will spill over into the real world.

Does that mean every online relationship has to be taken offline? Do you
have to meet up with every single person you meet on the internet?

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Definitely not. But you do want to focus on providing value to other people
in ways that enhance their non-digital lives. We have friends all over the
world we’ve never actually met, but we’ve shared introductions, exchanged
help on our businesses, and passed articles and links back and forth. For
practical reasons, a relationship might have to stay virtual, but that doesn’t
mean it’s not creating value out in the real world.

Don’t feel the need to meet up with everyone you know simply because you
know them online. Yes, relationships tend to grow deeper when you take
them offline, but there should be a good reason to hang in real life -- even if
that reason is just to get to know someone better or enjoy their company.
Generally speaking, taking a relationship to the real world makes sense when
you’ve proven mutual value.

So yes, you can have relationships that only exist online. You’re not “failing”
as a networker if you don’t meet every person you know online out in the
real world. But you are falling short if that relationships isn’t creating mutual
benefits in the real world.

Now let’s turn to the obvious question:

“Where” do I meet people online?

The short answer is anywhere. You might meet someone on a social network,
through a blog, in a forum or in the comments section. There’s no right
place to meet people online, just like there’s no right place to meet people in
the real world.

But, just like the real world, there are better and worse places to network.

Blogs, forums and comments sections are excellent places to meet people,
since they generally gather around common topics and interests. In a way,

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hanging out in these places is like attending an industry conference or joining

a book club. You’re networking in places that have already filtered in the
people you want to meet, which is key.

What about the bad places?

You’ll remember that in the previous lesson, we said that networking events
are usually the worst places to meet people, since everyone’s in networking
mode. Does that mean that social networking sites, like Twitter and Linkedin,
are also bad places to meet people online?

To answer that, let’s turn to the most important question in meeting

someone new, which is why you want to meet them.

Meeting people online is usually less random and serendipitous than meeting
people in the real world, since you’re either looking for them deliberately, or
you’re finding them in the course of looking for something you need. You
read an article, and you notice it was written by a tech blogger you like.
You’re looking for a new dinner table, and you notice it was made by a furniture
designer in your neighborhood.

So if you want to meet someone online, you generally know why. There’s a
concrete reason -- a shared passion, a job opportunity, a piece of feedback or
even just a thank you. If you want to reach out to a blogger you admire, then
you might email her at the address on the blog, or you might look her up on
Linkedin. How you actually connect doesn’t matter as much, since you’re
responding to her article.

So when you think about good and bad places to network online, consider
why you’re reaching out. That will generally tell you where it’s appropriate to
build the relationship.

If you have a great reason to meet someone, it doesn’t really matter which

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platform you use. Usually, you’ll choose the one that works best and is most
appropriate. You’ll probably want to email the writer at the address listed on
her website, since it looks like she reads and responds to emails. But you’ll
tweet at the podcaster who reads his listeners’ tweets on his show every week.
If the only way to reach someone is by Linkedin, then that will be a great tool
for you -- but you’ll still be reaching out for a specific reason.

Social networking sites become unhelpful when people use them to network
for the sake of networking. That’s the same vibe you get at networking meetups
in the real world, and that’s what a lot of people think Linkedin (or Twitter, or
even Facebook) is really for. Again, the intention behind your networking is
what makes a particular platform good or bad.

In the real world, it helps to have a specific reason to walk up to someone,

especially at more formal events, like conferences. But as we discussed, great
relationships can spontaneously develop without a clear purpose. It all de-
pends on the context. Online, you’ll tend to have a clear purpose for meeting
someone new -- and even if you don’t, you’ll at least want to have a good
reason for reaching out. If you have that reason, how and where you do it --
whether it’s on Linkedin or through a blog comment -- doesn’t matter as
much, since they’re all different versions of the same general method, which
is the internet.

Bottom line: Successfully meeting people online is less about

“where” and more about “why.” Your intention is what’s important.

So before you meet anyone online, ask yourself this question: Why am I reaching
out to this person? What is it that I want at this moment?

We’ll be building on that question in this lesson and throughout the series.

That intention -- or reason, or purpose -- is what makes it possible to meet

people online. Especially important, high-profile people, who would be diffi-
cult or impossible to meet in the real world.

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So let’s turn now to the specifics of how to make that happen.

The best way to meet people online is to be introduced through

someone you already know.
Remember, the internet is just a digital reflection of the real world. What
happens in the real world shapes our digital life. And as you know, social capital
has a way of multiplying itself.

So if you want to meet someone new, getting an introduction through a

mutual friend is the most powerful way to get their attention. An established
connection cuts through the noise and reaches someone with built-in validation.
As we covered in the previous lesson, the same principle applies at live
events.

How do you know if you have a mutual connection?

By doing your homework.

Whenever we want to meet someone new, we check every social network,

starting with Facebook and Linkedin, to see if we have any friends in
common with this person. More often than not, we do, and that will be our
best avenue toward meeting them. We then consider who the best person to
introduce us would be, and -- if it’s appropriate -- we ask for their help in
connecting us.

To understand how that works in action, let’s look at an example.

Let’s say you want a job in the food-and-beverage industry, and you love marketing,
so you decide that you want to meet Rob, the local marketing manager at Red Bull
to talk about job opportunities in Cincinnati, where you live.

The first thing you’ll want to do is look him up on Facebook and Linkedin and see if
you have any mutual friends.

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Let’s say that your friend Jim is friends with Rob. Great! You already have a direct
line to Rob, which is a big leg up.

The next thing you’ll do is write Jim a letter. Something along the lines of:

Hey Jim!

Over the next few months, I’m excited to be exploring job opportunities in
marketing for beverage companies.

I’m especially passionate about Red Bull (which, as you know, I basically live
on!), and I’m interested in meeting Rob Redkin, who heads up local marketing
for Cincinnati right now.

I noticed you two are friends, and I was wondering if you’d be willing to
introduce us by email.

I’d love to talk to him for a few reasons:

- To learn about his experience at Red Bull

- To see how I might be able to help his marketing efforts in our city
- To understand what it takes to land a job at Red Bull

If it helps, please feel free to pass along this email. I also invite Rob to check out
my website [link] and some of my work for past clients [link].

Thanks so much for considering this, Jim! I’m really excited to meet Rob, and
appreciate all the help I can get.

Cal

That template will serve you in almost any situation where you need an
introduction.

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And you’ll be surprised by how often people are willing to help -- especially if
you’ve been following the principles in modules one and two, and building
up your social capital before you need it.

Now, if Jim doesn’t introduce you, don’t be discouraged. You can always
follow up or find another way in. There are lots of ways to reach people. We’ll
be covering that in depth in just a moment.

(As a side note, finding mutual friends will happen more often, and more
easily, the more you network. This is one of the really great benefits of having
a strong network. Social capital is always harder to develop in the beginning,
and then it starts to multiply on its own. So don’t be discouraged if you don’t
seem to have many mutual connections right now, or your mutual connections
aren’t helping you as much as you’d like. Take advantage of the ones you do
have, continue meeting people, and we promise that your mutual connections
will take care of themselves. When we first started taking our networking seriously,
we were just a couple of grad students in Michigan. Now, it’s not uncommon
to find 10 or 20 friends in common with the people we want to meet. It’s all
about putting in the effort, one relationship at a time.)

Now, it’s very possible that you won’t have any mutual friends with someone
you want to meet. In those cases, you’ll have to approach this person on your
own, and your technique will be slightly different.

So let’s talk about how to reach someone on your own.

The first step, as we’ve said, is to understand why you want to reach someone.
A clear “why” will make any communication compelling and give you the
energy you need to track someone down.

In our Red Bull example, your “why” was to learn more about Rob, offer your
help, and explore job opportunities at Red Bull.

Great -- that’s your “why.”

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And the first thing we’ll do is use the “why” to determine how and where to
meet this person.

If they have a website, look for their main channels. Do they have an email
address? If so, this is probably the best way to reach them. Email tends to be
the most helpful way to reach someone new. It’s usually my go-to.

If they don’t have a website, or you can’t find their email address, your next
best friend is Linkedin. In addition to showing you mutual connections,
Linkedin will show you work history and other organizations. These can help
you find your way to someone -- either by guessing their email address
(which I’ve done a bunch of times, by the way) or reaching them through
their company or organization.

If you add them as a contact on Linkedin, and they accept, then you can message
them directly, which basically becomes another form of email. It can’t hurt to
give that a try. And if you upgrade to Linkedin Premium, you can message
anyone, whether or not you two are connected. For hardcore networkers or
people in the middle of a job search, Premium can be a smart investment.
But remember: It’s how you use it that counts.

If Linkedin doesn’t do the trick, turn to Twitter. It can be tough and a little
impersonal, but a well-crafted tweet can really grab someone’s attention.
Interestingly, the larger your following, the higher the chances that they’ll
respond. That right there is a great example of how important social capital
is.

Facebook is also a great option for reaching people, but you have to use your
judgment here. Some people -- especially older users -- think of Facebook as
a personal social platform, while others treat it as just another form of email
and texting. Also keep in mind that Facebook messages from people who
aren’t in your immediate social graph usually end up in the “Other” folder,
where they can disappear into oblivion. It’s still worth a shot, though, since
you can often find someone on Facebook faster than email or Twitter.

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These are the main channels available to reach people. There is no one right
channel to reach someone new, but there are better and worse channels,
depending on the person, your goals, and the nature of your relationship.
For example, a young Red Bull manager will probably be highly active on
Twitter, while a seasoned Ford executive might be more comfortable with
email. Use your judgment. You might also find that you’ll use a couple chan-
nels to reach people. That’s a smart way to make sure that you get on some-
one’s radar.

Now let’s turn to the most important part of meeting people

online: your opening message.
As we’ve said, nothing is more crucial in online networking than the “why” --
why you’re reaching out to this person at this very moment. The why is your
way in.

Let’s start with email as the default channel, since it tends to be the easiest,
most widely read, and most conducive to introductions. Once we nail this
format, we can easily adapt it to other channels. We first need to nail the key
components.

The four parts of a great first online message are:

Who you are. In 2-3 sentences, include your name, your relevant qualifications,
and what you have in common (including people, places, and interests).

Why you’re writing. In this section, you’ll include the 1-3 reasons you are
writing this person at this moment in time. Be very literal and direct here.
This is what will compel people to read your note and respond.

What you have to offer. Here, think in terms of social capital. What do you
have to give in exchange for why you’re writing? In what way are you helping
this person? In this section, give the person a great reason to reciprocate.

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When you feel like you don’t have something to offer -- which is totally
normal, especially when you’re writing someone more senior -- remember
the different types of social capital at your disposal. You could include a link
to an insightful article or offer to connect them to someone else inside your
network that is relevant to their interests or goals.

Call to action. Your call to action is basically the next step -- what you want
this person to do at the end of the message. They key is to make this as
simple as possible, and to make the default response “yes.”

So let’s imagine what an opening message to Rob, the Red Bull manager,
might look like. Again, this is a template you can use for any situation. Just
tweak it for your needs.

Hey Rob!

My name is Chad Hendricks, and I’m a recent college grad who’s super pas-
sionate about marketing for beverage companies.

I’m writing you because I love Red Bull, and I’d be interested to know what
you and your marketing team need right now in Cincinnati.

I’ve lived here for six years, have worked at two other food and beverage com-
panies, and am really excited about developing marketing initiatives for a
company whose product I use on a daily basis.

I invite you to check out my website [link] and some of my work for past cli-
ents [link]. You’ll see what kind of campaigns I’m interested in and why I
wanted to reach out.

I’d also love to get to know you and learn more about your experience at Red
Bull. I have a feeling we’d have a lot to talk about.

Are you free to jump on the phone for 15 minutes this week? I can

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make myself available at your convenience. If you have two min-

utes to reply, I’d really appreciate it.

Thanks, Rob, and look forward to speaking!

Chad

Now, every email will be different, depending on your “why” and your audience.
But an email like that has all the key elements of a great opening message:
the who, the why, the what, and a simple call to action. It’s clear and direct in
its purpose, and it still manages to focus on the needs of the other person.
The writing also communicates all the right qualities: that you’re confident,
respectful, and passionate. In other words, that you’d make a great colleague
at Red Bull.

Will this guarantee a response? Of course not. You might have to follow up a
few times before Rob responds. You might have to find another channel. Or
you might find that Rob just doesn't have time for new introductions right
now.

But if you have any shot at meeting Rob, then it’s going to be with the help of
an email like that. Adapt it, tweak it, make it work for you, and you’ll find that
you can use it with anyone, anywhere, for any purpose, with a pretty solid
response rate.

Of course, email might not be the best (or only) channel to reach someone.
But once you’ve crafted your email, it’s easy to adapt it to other channels.

Let’s say you wanted to reach Rob by Twitter. You might send him a tweet
along the lines of:

@RobRedBull, I’m a fellow RB fanatic & have marketing experience. Would

love to connect re: RB opportunities. Here to help. Hit me up!

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Once again, you have the who, why, what and call to action, fit into 140 characters.
And who knows -- he might respond once he sees the email and the tweet, and
realizes that you’re actually serious about meeting him.

Whatever the channel or format, every communication will follow this basic
four-part formula. So make it work for you, and work every channel available.
With enough determination, you can reach almost anyone.

And forming a new relationship will usually require some sort

of follow-up.
People are busy, inboxes get slammed, and in a world competing for our
attention every single second, being persistent is key. Determination is part
of the networking toolkit, especially if you’re trying to reach busy or
high-profile people.

Luckily, the online format allows for some polite persistence. You probably
wouldn’t re-approach someone at a conference after they ignored you,
because that’d be weird or stalkerish, but online, that’s totally acceptable,
because digital follow-up feels safer.

Now, there are two types of follow-up.

Short-term follow-up, when you send a note making sure the other person
received your last email.

This can be as simple as a quick ping to the effect of, “Hey Rob, just making
sure you got this message. I’m sure your inbox gets a little crazy. Looking
forward to talking marketing with you!” In general, sending one or two of
these follow-ups when you don’t get an immediate response is smart.

If you can add some additional social capital into these follow-ups -- either a
new piece of information, a useful update, or some renewed excitement --
then you’ll have a better shot at getting a response.

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The best way to look for those opportunities is to ask yourself: What’s changed
since I last wrote Rob? If you wrote a new blog post about guerilla marketing
and now have a job offer from Monster energy drinks, then you should
include those in the follow-up. These bits of social capital say all the right
things about you: that you’re creating social capital, that you’re sharing it,
and that you’re serious about your reasons for reaching out. What Rob
experiences in that follow-up is movement on your part -- the sense that
things are happening for you, whether he’s involved or not. That’s the
impression that gets people to hit reply and engage with you.

Now, if nothing’s happened since you last wrote Rob, that might be a good
opportunity to reflect on your social capital. Here’s a great exercise to try out:
The next time you reach out to someone new, ask yourself what you’d love to
be able to share with them the next time you write. Which accomplishments
or developments would make you more interesting, more compelling, in
their eyes? Then, make those accomplishments your priority between now
and your next follow up. Suddenly, following up isn’t just an item to cross off
your list, but a dynamic exercise to make you a better person. This goes back
to our lesson on building alongside your networking.

If you don’t get a response after a handful of follow-ups, then you might
decide to hold off for the moment, and circle back when you can get a warm
intro from someone in your network, or when the relationship is obviously
beneficial for the other person. We do this all the time, and it really does pay
off if you have time on your side. In that case, you’ll be using a long-term
follow-up.

A long-term follow-up still functions as an update on your original message,

but it almost becomes a new message entirely. Let’s say Rob never responded,
and you continued hustling until you landed a job at Snapple. It’s been a
great gig, but you still want to work at Red Bull, and now you’re a stronger
candidate. So you circle back with Rob, tell him about what you’ve been
doing at Snapple for the past 18 months, and what you’ve learned that you’d
like to bring to Red Bull. You’re still following up on that original message,
but you’re creating a new story, a new message, based on your new social

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capital.

Whether they’re short- or long-term, follow-ups are essential. We’ve developed

hundreds of relationships with people who initially wouldn’t respond, but
eventually engaged when the timing was right. A big part of that was being
politely persistent, and constantly focusing on our social capital.

The important thing about follow-ups, as we keep coming back to, is the
“why.” What is the outcome you want? What is the next step you’re looking
for? That will drive how and how often you follow up.

Of course, you’re probably wondering:someone?

Is it possible to follow up too much? When should you give up

trying to meet someone?

As we discussed earlier, it is possible to follow up too much, to be overly

persistent.

But if you remain authentically generous, polite, and continually focused on

creating social capital, it really is hard to go wrong. Smart people rarely turn
down an opportunity to accept real value.

But if they do, then they’re actually doing you a favor. Either they’re telling
you that the timing isn’t right, and you need to up your social capital in order
to be of real value, or they’re saving you a bunch of time and energy. If you
think you have more work to do, then great -- you have your marching
orders: keep building, keep sharing your value, and circle back when the time
is right. If this person just isn’t responding to authentic generosity, then you
probably don’t want to build a relationship with that person anyway. Once
you embrace those two possibilities, knowing how and when to follow up
becomes a lot easier.

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Ultimately, you’ll have to use your judgment here. If you feel you’re being
unjustifiably aggressive in meeting someone, you probably are. But if you
feel you’re providing real value to someone you truly want to connect with,
then keep going.

When I think about when to give up on networking with someone, I think

about Tristan Walker. Tristan was at Stanford when he decided he had to
work at Foursquare, the location-based loyalty startup in New York. He
emailed the two founders saying -- and I’m quoting from it now -- “I would
love to chat with you guys at some point … about FourSquare. This year, I’m
looking to help out and work extremely hard for a startup with guys I can
learn a ton from.” It was a pretty good email, but he never got a response.

He could have quit right there, but instead he went on to send eight more
emails to the founders with ideas and recommendations for Foursquare until
one of them wrote back: “you know what, i just may take you up on some of
this, are you ever in nyc?”

Tristan flew out a few days later, went through a rigorous interview process,
and a month later was heading up business development at Foursquare.

Now, that strategy could have gone either way. But what I love about Tristan’s
story is that he knew he was providing real value, he knew he had the
qualifications, and he knew he wanted to work at Foursquare. In other words,
he was clear about his social capital and confident that it was mutually beneficial.
That was all he needed to keep trying until he got the response he wanted.

That concludes our lesson on meeting people online.

Remember, your first priority in meeting someone online is knowing why
you want to meet them in the first place.

That purpose will become the backbone of every new connection you make.
It will help you decide how to reach them, when to reach them, and what to

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say in your opening message. That opening message should be written to

establish your interest, confidence and purpose, and followed up on until
you get the response you want, whether that’s in two weeks or two years.

The beauty of meeting people online is that it makes certain networking

tactics possible. Bragging about yourself, for example, is a lot easier in text
than in person. Following up several times is seen as considerate, not stalker-
ish. And the fact that you can reach almost anyone, anywhere, through a
number of different channels puts you in touch with people you might oth-
erwise never have the opportunity to reach.

So embrace the internet as part of your networking. Use the templates and
principles we’ve shared in this lesson, combine them with the insights from
the previous lesson, and you’ll find that your network will grow exponential-
ly. And remember to keep sharing your social capital and providing value to
other people in the real world, even in your digital relationships.

In the next lesson, we’ll be talking about one of the most powerful
ways to share that value: building a platform.

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