Topic: Online education is becoming increasingly popular as a
mode of learning. What are the advantages and disadvantages
of online education compared to traditional classroom learning?
Overall Band Score:
8
Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.
Grammar Mistakes:
1
Vocabulary Repetition:
learning: 4
everything: 4
students: 4
education: 3
which: 3
online: 3
easily: 3
their: 3
----Corrected Writing----
Original Corrected
Education is an integral part of human Education is an integral part of human
development which can be acquired development which can be acquired
from schools. Although, in today's from schools. Although, in today's
technological era, online learning, technological era, online learning,
otherwise known as distant learning, otherwise known as distance learning,
has caused concern regarding the has caused concern regarding the
future of education. Gaining knowledge future of education. Gaining knowledge
has always been a priority. However, has always been a priority. However,
will it be sidelined as it can be accessed will it be sidelined as it can be accessed
anywhere, anytime? anywhere, anytime?
The internet, the holy grail of today, The internet, the holy grail of today,
storing all the information that is just one storing all the information that is just one
click away, makes everything easily click away, makes everything easily
accessible to elders and youth alike. So, accessible to elders and youth alike. So,
teachers can gather all the resources in teachers can gather all the resources in
one place and record their lectures, one place and record their lectures,
which can be easily accessed by which can be easily accessed by
students based on their comfort. students based on their comfort.
Students can relisten to these Students can relisten to these
recordings whenever they like, molded recordings whenever they like, molded
to the students' pace. This way, no to the students' pace. This way, no
student is left behind. Not only that, but student is left behind. Not only that, but
children with disabilities don't have to children with disabilities don't have to
travel as much as everything is present travel as much as everything is present
in the comfort of their homes. in the comfort of their homes.
On the contrary, countries with a poor On the contrary, countries with a poor
economy, or lower class citizens, may economy, or lower class citizens, may
not be able to afford such devices. not be able to afford such devices.
Therefore, traditional schools can be a Therefore, traditional schools can be a
place where everyone is treated equally. place where everyone is treated equally.
Not only that, in school a teacher has Not only that, in school a teacher has
complete control over the classroom, complete control over the classroom,
making sure every student understands making sure every student understands
and is paying attention, which is not and is paying attention, which is not
guaranteed in online learning. In fact, it guaranteed in online learning. In fact, it
is reported that during COVID-19, is reported that during COVID-19,
students would join classes and sleep students would join classes and sleep
instead of actively participating in class. instead of actively participating in class.
Lastly, it also increases a child's screen Lastly, it also increases a child's screen
time as they usually have to take back- time as they usually have to take back-
to-back classes for multiple hours a day, to-back classes for multiple hours a day,
leading to severe headaches and health leading to severe headaches and health
problems. problems.
To sum it all up, like everything, online To sum it all up, like everything, online
learning has its advantages and learning has its advantages and
disadvantages. Although, the disadvantages. Although, the
advantages outweigh the disadvantages advantages outweigh the disadvantages
as students and teachers are more as students and teachers are more
comfortable, everything is easily comfortable, everything is easily
accessible, and in case of any accessible, and in case of any
unforeseen pandemic or epidemic, it is unforeseen pandemic or epidemic, it is
safe to have a back-up option so safe to have a back-up option so
education and knowledge can always education and knowledge can always
be passed on. be passed on.
Word Count: 314 Word Count: 314
----Feedback----
Task Response Coherence & Lexical Resource Grammatical
Cohesion Range &
Accuracy
8 8 7 9
The essay The essay The essay The essay exhibits
appropriately presents a clear demonstrates a a wide range of
addresses the argument and good range of grammatical
prompt, presenting follows a logical vocabulary, used structures with full
a clear position on structure, with a accurately and flexibility and
the advantages discernible appropriately. control. The
and disadvantages introduction, body Terms like sentences are
of online education paragraphs, and 'integral,' 'distant well-constructed,
compared to conclusion. learning,' and 'holy and punctuation is
traditional Transitions grail' are well- used appropriately
classroom between ideas are placed. To further throughout. The
learning. Ideas are generally smooth, enhance the grammatical
relevant and contributing to the lexical resource, accuracy is
supported with overall coherence. consider commendable,
examples. There However, there's incorporating more contributing to the
could be a slightly room to enhance nuanced clarity and
more in-depth the cohesion by vocabulary and effectiveness of
exploration of using more varied idiomatic the
some points to cohesive devices expressions that communication.
further strengthen to link ideas within precisely convey
the arguments. For paragraphs and the intended
example, between them, meaning, adding
elaborating on the making the depth and
specific health connections even sophistication to
problems more explicit. the writing. Pay
associated with attention to
increased screen vocabulary
time or providing repetition to
more detail on how improve the overall
traditional schools score.
ensure equal
treatment could
enhance the
essay. Overall, it's
a well-organized
and coherent
response.