Compiled by: Assoc. Prof. Ferlyn F.

Reyes-Colar
E-mail Address: [Link]-colar@[Link]

Central Luzon State University

Science City of Muñoz 3120 Nueva Ecija, Philippines

Instructional Module for the Course

ELEM 2214: GOOD MANNERS AND RIGHT CONDUCT (GMRC)

MODULE 2
VALUING AND APPRECIATING THE
UNIQUENESS OF OTHERS

INTRODUCTION

It is often said that the young people are the hope and future of the fatherland. But we can
change our perspective to say that they are more than our future because they are our NOW.
One of the social contexts of children which can train them to become the modern society is
the school.

The school with positive adult models works in a collaborative manner with other social agents
to develop the learner holistically as envisioned by the Philippine K-12 curriculum. Part of
school learning is learning how to get along with different kinds of classmates and others as
well. The teacher, whether teaching GMRC or other subjects, has a major role to play as
children observe and internalize what they see in the teacher. S/he has to be a role model in
her/his intra- and inter-personal relationships. S/he walks what s/he talks in terms of the
manners, virtues and values demonstrated. Children are very observant and notice not only
differences but more so how adults respond to and value these differences. It is in this respect
that the teacher should instill an appreciation for diversity from the start.

LEARNING OUTCOMES
At the end of the lesson, the students must be able to:
 describe how good manners are developed;
 demonstrate in one's actions the virtues and good manners for healthy intra- and
inter- personal" relationships and
 appraise the utility of the suggested tips and strategies in the Philippine context.

ABSTRACTION
The home was our first classroom with our parents as our first teachers. As young children,
we observed our parents and they became our role models. We observed, absorbed,
internalized and imitated their manners, values, habits, and practices, among others. There
were good ones and not so good ones. As we grew older, our social horizons expanded to
include the school where we met teachers, peers, school heads, community members and
other parents. The various social institutions galvanized our internalization of the values of
respect, courtesy and politeness, tolerance, fairness and self-control. Our good manners are
a reflection of the values that we uphold and we owe it to ourselves as teachers and pre-
service teachers to be exemplary role models whom learners under our care will imitate.

Let us now take a look at the different values which we aspire our Alpha to
internalize.

Respect

The word respect is from the Latin word respectus which means attention, regard or
consideration. It can be defined as esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a
person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal
quality or ability.

According to psychologists, respect is a basic moral value or need that makes us aware that
we are human beings and is related to productivity. happiness and success. It is like a glue
that holds relationships together. In the Philippine context, respect is paggalang as shown in
our pakikipagkapwa- tao, a shared sense of identity and consciousness of the 'other'. It means
treating people with respect and dignity as an equal, not someone below the individual.

Respect is very important for both personal identity and interpersonal relationships. To feel
respected is a basic human right. If you respect others, you care about their rights. Receiving
respect from others makes us feel safe to express ourselves. Disrespect can lead to break-ups
and even violence.

It is a concept that has to do with the ability to value and honor another person, both his or
her words and actions, even if we do not approve or share everything the person does. It is
accepting the other person and not trying to impose or change him or her. Respecting another
person means that we are non-judgmental of other people's attitudes, behaviors or thoughts.

Our differences are valuable. Respect comes in different types. They because we are able to
create an identity. This implies that individual differences exist and to accept the fact that as
members of society we are equal.

All people are entitled to respect for the simple fact of being people. Equality is in balance. It
is for this very reason that we need to teach children from an early age the value of respect
and the best way to teach them respect is by being a role model to them.

Respect for others is very important but more for the self since you will value others to the
extent that you are able to value yourself.

Why is respect important? Visualize a home or a classroom without respect. What do you see?
Chaos? Conflicts? Indeed, its absence leads to conflict and dissatisfaction in our interpersonal
relationships. If we don't respect others, we don't get respected in return; if we don't respect
ourselves we will not be respected by others, too.
It is essential to feel safe and to be able to express our ideas without fear of judgment,
humiliation or discrimination. Being respectful of others, being respected and respecting
ourselves contribute to our sense of well-being, mental health, self-esteem and self- efficacy.

Respect comes in different types. They are:

Respect for self

This is the ability to respect the self, to and appreciate value oneself. This is accepting the self
regardless of what others think.

Respect for others

This refers to the act of tolerating, accepting and considering another person in spite of
individual differences. Examples are respect for parents, men and women equally, teachers,
older persons, religious beliefs, for people with varying sexual orientation (LGBTI), etc.

Respect for social norms

This is the ability to respect all norms that govern society. Some examples include respect for
courtesy rules inside the classroom, traffic rules or health protocols during the COVID 19
pandemic.

Respect for nature

This covers appreciation of the environment. Examples include knowing how to dispose of our
garbage properly, not wasting water or recycling, etc.

Respect for family

This implies being able to understand and respect each other within the family, and thus being
able to live in harmony with each other.

Respect for Values

This refers to the ability to honor our own principles. An example of this is respect for life.

Respect for Culture

This refers to the ability to recognize that there are other beliefs and be able to respect them.
This can be seen in our being able to accept varying religious beliefs.

Respect for national symbols

This refers to the ability to value and appreciate the symbols of a nation. Do we give respect
to the Philippine flag as we sing the National Anthem?

Respect for human beings

This refers to the ability to comply with legal norms, respect laws, church dogmas and beliefs.
How can we tell that respect is present in our relationships? Think of the many situations
where we need to get along with others.

Checkit out if the following indicators of respect are present:

 You feel safe being around each other.
 You know it's okay for you and others to express who you are.
 When you disagree you listen to each other and demonstrate patience. • You don't
yell or talk over the top of each other.
 You are not controlling other people's choices.
  You can talk openly about your needs and wants.
 You allow your friends and others the space they need.
 You can admit to others if you have made a mistake. ([Link])

Respect is something that we need to learn, it doesn't come naturally. This means that children
can be taught and trained to become respectful. How can respect be taught to children given
this is very much needed by the Gen Z & Alpha generations? Are we telling or are we teaching?

Children learn by observing. Parents, grandparents, teachers, etc. have great influence on the
children and may be their entire universe.

Parents, teachers and significant others play a crucial role in developing respect. Parents and
teachers usually serve as the first role models to the children. As such, teaching kids good
manners like respect begins with the significant adult modeling it.

Convey the meaning of respect by modeling and teaching it. Borba (2002) suggested trying
the following tips:

1. If you are a parent or a teacher, treat each child as a very important person in the
world, in the classroom. You may ask yourself this question, "If I treat my friends the
way I treat my child or learner, would I have any friends left?"
2. Give love with no strings attached. Make sure the love you give to your children and
learners is unconditional and guaranteed. So no matter what, the child is assured of
your love. This does not mean, however, that all behaviors will be approved. Some
actions are inappropriate and they need to be given passionate correction.
3. Listen attentively and respectfully. One behavior that parents and teachers need to do
is to listen - really listen to the children. Attentive listening is a wonderful way to convey
respect.
4. Build positive self-concept. Labeling children can have self-fulfilling prophecies. Use
only labels that build positive self- concept. It is important to remember that if the
nickname or label is not respectful, it is best not to use it.
5. Parents need to tell their children why they love and cherish them as well as make
their children their priority. Labels such as stupid or "dungol" or "tanga" are a No No.
6. Respectful rules can be instilled at home and in the classroom. The rules can be set
together in a democratic manner. The rules may include respecting privacy, listening
to each other or setting rules on how to borrow things.
7. Don't engage when treated disrespectfully. Just clearly refuse to continue the
conversation until the child stops being rude and do it every time the child is
disrespectful.
8. Teach new behaviors to replace the inappropriate ones. Children learn new behaviors
through repetition, so practice the new behavior correctly again and again until it is
mastered. Behavior change may require a minimum of three weeks, so be consistent
in teaching the new behavior. The best time to teach is when the atmosphere is calm
and relaxed and not during a period of conflict.
9. Encourage respectful behavior through reinforcement of the good being done. So
when you see or hear children practicing respectful behaviors, acknowledge them and
express your pleasure.
In addition, Borba (2002) designed a number of activities which can be used in the classroom
to develop respect.

Courtesy and Politeness

Courtesy is polite behavior that reflects good manners, respect and kindness to others. It
means avoiding sarcasm and overbearing behavior.

The home is the first seat of courtesy and politeness as with the other virtues and manners.
When members of the family are courteous to each other, that's how they will treat people
outside of their homes. A courteous child is easier to befriend than someone who has ill
manners.

When children have good social skills, they are polite and courteous, they listen to others
when they speak, and use polite phrases such as "thank you" and "excuse me".

Today's children are digital natives. Early in life they can already operate different
gadgets and they become smarter because of their exposures. However, it is not enough that
they are bright, but they should also have social skills needed to get along well with others.
Courteous behavior is as important as gaining knowledge at school. Behaving courteously and
politely can be a way of life and not just be showcased during special occasions or events. It
is not pakitang tao to impress or avoid embarrassment to the family status. Polite behavior is
automatic wherever the person is and not something to be switched on or off.

Courteous children have a social advantage over children who are not. They can easily develop
friendships and gain the respect of people around them. They are armed with the social skills
that can benefit them for life.

There are helpful tips to help teach our children and learners courtesy and
politeness:

You first
This means that the parent is always the first and foremost teacher. When the child is in
school, the teacher becomes the second parent assuming the loco parentis role. Thus, parents
and teachers are expected to be positive examples to the child in terms of showing good
manners.

By modeling good manners, you are not only strengthening your child's social graces, but also
teaching him/her that being courteous and polite are a normal part of social interaction.

Turn up the tolerance

When your child or learner observes that you can tolerate and respect individual differences
you clearly convey the message that you accept diversity. Show them the differences with
other people in terms of color, appearance, size, status, or beliefs are fine with you.

Read the signs

Help children learn how to read people's emotional signs. You can act out by showing different
facial expressions and body language with the corresponding emotions. Encourage them to
pay attention to how others might be feeling and show them, through your examples, how to
react with courtesy, politeness, empathy, and compassion.

Mind your manners

Please, thank you, good morning and good afternoon greetings never go out of style. If a
parent or teacher uses these words for example in their daily transactions, delighted responses
can be solicited from the children. This is not a difficult thing to do but can go a long way.
The problem sometimes is when children show courtesy and their actions are not responded
to appropriately.

Lend a helping hand

It's good to encourage children to assist people, especially those in need such as giving help
to an old person or opening the door for someone who carries heavy stuff. The little things
our children can do can become bigger in the future. A great future starts now, and it starts
with our children.

Lesson integration
The learning of a manner/ value can be integrated in a lesson. A sample scenario can be
presented such as interrupting an adult when adults are having a conversation. The exercise
will involve children waiting patiently for their turn until the adults are done with their
conversation. This can be demonstrated in a one-on-one situation or in a group setting.

Parents and teachers should not get easily discouraged because beginning a process will
always be challenging. The keys to helping children become courteous and polite are patience
and consistency.

Explain Terms and Concepts Related to Current Events

The COVID 19 pandemic resulted in many changes in people's way of life. Parents and
teachers can explain what the pandemic is all about and how people can be kind to each other
and not discriminate, especially the front-liners. Concepts of generosity and sharing can be
discussed within the family.

Foster a Sense of Empathy in your Classroom

Many teachers consider empathy as the antidote to bullying, and there's data to back that up.
You can bring more empathy into your teaching by encouraging critical thinking and self-
reflection.

Most students, and in fact most themselves, see themselves as the underdog in their lives and
helping the class understand the nature of that vulnerability can make a safer space for your
students.

Lead by Example
Time and time again to lead by example is emphasized. We need to remember that our
learners look up to use and watch what we do. We can create a higher standard of behavior
by showing our learners how to treat others with tolerance, respect, and sympathy.
Fairness

Have you ever said to someone, "what you did to me was unfair How do you know when
something is unfair? Has anybody ever tricked you or cheated on you? How did you feel about
it?

What does treating people fairly mean? Does fairness mean everyone gets the same amount,
like an equal piece of a chocolate bar? Does fairness mean enforcing the rules for everyone,
even if it means losing a game? How is fairness exercised in the classroom? How should you
treat people who are not fair to you? How does fairness affect your relationships with other
people - your friends for example?

What is fairness? According to Seligman & Peterson (2004), it is treating all people the same
and giving everyone a fair chance. In addition, fairness, according to Merriam- Webster's
Dictionary, is" marked by impartiality and honesty; conforming with the established rules."
There are times that when people think of fairness they think of it as equality, too. They are
actually two different things because fairness has to do with giving everyone what he or she
needs and deserves. On the other hand, equality is giving everyone the same thing or amount,
regardless of the circumstances.

Children in the elementary grades are concrete thinkers as theorized by Piaget. Thus, fairness
can be an abstract concept to them. Children, especially the younger ones tend to be naturally
egocentric, so they tend to think of themselves first. They will probably identify a situation or
action that works against them as unfair, but will have difficulty identifying an action they
perform as unfair to others. Fairness is especially challenging for young children to
understand. With other traits, like kindness or responsibility, there are concrete actions to
observe which may provide a basic understanding of the concept itself. However, fairness is
found in the way we treat one another, the way in which we play a game, the way in which
we live life, etc.

Examples of being fair include playing by the rules, taking turns, sharing and listening to
others, being open-minded, respecting people, being supportive of friends, among others.
Wrongly blaming or punishing somebody for something, excluding other children from play or
not giving the person the chance to explain one's side are examples of unfairness.

Thus, to make fairness more understandable for young children, the following
strategies can be tried:
Have children brainstorm and role play solutions such as trading toys, sharing and playing
together. They can practice turn-taking such as when they play. This provides children with a
basic understanding of taking turns, an important element of fairness.

Be attuned to children's interactions and be ready to respond immediately to incidents of

unfairness.

Identify and point out fair and unfair behaviors. Draw attention to behaviors in books, movies
and in life when others are acting in a fair or unfair manner. The child can be asked what has
been observed in reality.

Encourage a safe and secure atmosphere in which children feel free to express their feelings
and ask questions.
Praise fairness. Take a moment to recognize and verbalize when your child is acting out of
fairness. Helping him/her to notice fairness in one's own behaviors will help him/ her to grow
in understanding of the concept.

Make the idea of fairness concrete. Use images to inspire conversations about fairness.

As much as children are taught how to be fair in their dealings with others, it is also important
that teachers exhibit fairness inside the classroom. If students are asked what are the most
important qualities they look for in teachers, one of the most universally mentioned is fairness.
It is likely that the learner assesses how fair the teacher is based on one's perceptions.

Thus, Rodabaugh gave a typology of learners' perceived fairness which includes 3

components:

 Interactional fairness - the kind of interaction between teacher and learners.

 Procedural fairness - the rules for grading and classroom administration.
 Outcomes fairness - the distribution of scores and grades.

Teachers can benefit by remembering these tips on how to be fair and ethical inside the
classroom. Teachers ought to show:

Impartiality. Learners expect their teacher to treat everyone in the class - equally; that is no
favorites. It is likely that some children are very likable and may cause the teacher to show
subtle signs of differences in interaction such as frequently calling on the child to recite. This
might lead some children to think that the classmate is favored by the teacher. To avoid giving
the impression of partiality, the teacher needs to carefully monitor behavior and interactions
with the children.

Respect. Respect involves treating learners politely. Ridiculing a learner or calling a learner's
comment as "stupid" is inappropriate in all circumstances. They expect a teacher who listens,
carefully considers, and gives thoughtful replies to their ideas. A teacher who is perceived as
impatient or demeaning, either directly through comments or indirectly through tone of voice,
facial expressions, or posture, loses learners' respect. Patience is especially difficult when
learners actively misbehave in class. However, learners also expect teachers to be polite in
those situations. Should you face disrespect, try to remain civil and calm, thereby modeling
the appropriate behavior for students. It is always appropriate to meet privately with an
offending learner, during which you can be more direct in communicating expectations for
classroom deportment.

Concern for students. Students expect their teachers to care about them and their academic
performance. You can demonstrate such concern by learning and using students' names,
talking to them before and after class, carefully answering questions, and inviting them who
appear to be having problems with the subject to discuss those problems and solutions. You
also can potentially express concern by giving due consideration to student complaints, taking
remedial action when the complaints are valid, and carefully explaining your position when
the complaints are not valid.

Integrity. Integrity means being consistent and truthful and explaining your policies,
procedures and decisions and why they are necessary, so that their fairness can be judged
and understood. For example, an attendance policy may be justifiable because attendance is
correlated with increased learning and better grades. Explaining the educational goals of
various types of assignments also can be effective. You also can demonstrate integrity by
delivering promised rewards and penalties and admitting ignorance when appropriate.

Propriety. Propriety means acting in a socially acceptable manner that does not offend
students' sensibilities. Students expect you to follow the rules when interacting with them,
even if you believe there might be pedagogical value in breaking them. For example, research
indicates that most students find it inappropriate in most or all circumstances for a teacher to
tell an offensive joke or use one of the learners to be the subject of a joke.

To conclude the discussion on fairness, try these doable steps inside and outside of the
classroom.

Doable steps on how to be a fair person:

 Treat people the way you want to be treated.
 Take turns.
 Tell the truth. Play by the rules.
 Think about how your actions will affect others.
 Listen to people with an open mind.
 Don't blame others for your mistakes. Don't take advantage of other people. Don't play
favorites.

Fairness may not be taught as easily as other character traits, but with consistency, children
will recognize fairness and act fairly towards others. When children develop their sense of
fairness we lay down the foundation of empathy and sensitivity, in turn prevent bullying and
can help them through life.

Self-Control
Temptations abound. Studies or social media? Water or soda? Cut classes or attend classes?
Drugs or cigarettes? Fast foods or vegetables? The choices are endless and sometimes our
self- control and will power are being put to a test. Self- control is the ability to manage
one's impulses, emotions, and behaviors to achieve long-term goals. This is unique
in human beings and this separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. Self-control is
primarily rooted in the prefrontal cortex, the planning, problem- solving and decision making
center of the brain-which is significantly larger in humans than in other mammals. The richness
of nerve connections in the prefrontal cortex enables people to plan, evaluate alternative
actions, and ideally avoid doing things they'll later regret, rather than immediately respond to
every impulse as it arises.

Self-control has three main parts:

Monitoring which involves keeping track of your thoughts, feelings and actions. In one study,
first-year female college students who weighed themselves every day, compared with those
who did not, were buffered from the typical weight gain that accompanies the first year in
college (Levitsky et al., 2006). The same is true when it comes to our money. Keeping track
of how much we save and spend relates to having more money.

Standards are guidelines that steer us toward desirable responses. Our standards originate
from society and culture. Think of the speed limit sign that tells you how fast to drive or the
laws that tell you to pay your taxes. Follow the rules, and you'll be fine. Break the rules, and
there will be consequences. We also have personal standards that govern our behavior. If I
have certain religious beliefs, I might think that it is inappropriate to eat certain foods, think
certain thoughts or feel certain emotions.
Strength we need to control our impulses. Numerous factors affect our self- control strength,
such as mental exhaustion and stress. Effective self- control hinges on all three ingredients
working together. Without monitoring, you know what you need to do and have the energy
to do it, but you struggle to accomplish much because you do not keep track of your progress.
A world without standards is a recipe for chaos. Chronically depleted self- control strength can
leave people with the knowledge of what they should do without giving them the energy to
do it. Like a three- legged stool, kick off one self-control ingredient and the odds are that your
self-control will topple over.

How important is self-control?

Self- control improves life in three ways:

Self-control contributes to the person's well-being

Self-control relates to better health. Physically, self-controlled people sleep better, experience
fewer physical sickness symptoms and live longer lives. They also enjoy better mental health.
Self- control relates to lower anxiety and depression. Behaviors that relate to mental health
problems, such as substance use and suicide, are less common among self-controlled people.
People with self-control are likely to reach their goals.

Self-control builds and strengthens relationship

Beyond wealth or good looks, people want self- controlled relationship partners. We want to
spend our lives with people we can trust, who follow through on their promises and who will
override their impulse to leave or lash out when things get tough. Self-controlled people are
forgiving and react to conflict with benevolence rather than violence.

Self-control makes societies productive

Self-control helps societies flourish. Self-controlled people, compared to their less-controlled
counterparts, earn more money. Not only do self-controlled people enjoy greater wealth, they
behave more generously. They override their selfish impulses and go out of their way to help
others. On a broader level, societies that have clear cut standards for appropriate behavior
tend to function better than do societies in which people do as they please. Societies also
benefit from monitoring how their citizens behave. Is the Philippines reaping these benefits?
Filipinos now pay the price of their lack of self-control especially in terms of waste disposal.
Flash floods destroy lives and property during typhoons or heavy monsoon rains.

Duckworth & Seligman (2005) conducted a study to determine the role of self-control and
intelligence in predicting year-end GPA. It involved adolescent students who answered
measures of intelligence and self-control at the beginning of the school year. Self-control
outdid IQ 2-to-1 in predicting academic achievement.

This is good news especially to those whose IQ may not be superior. IQ doesn't often budge,
but self-control does. Students can boost their GPA through the exercise of self-control, hard
work, and persistence in the face of failure and temptations.