Chapter Six

PEOPLE WHO ARE GAY, LESBIAN, OR BISEXUAL

I'm not homophobic

I'm just not that comfortable around it's only when I try to picture it that I get whatever, I mean,
if that's what you want are you sure it's not just about your father well I don't think we should
hug but it's not have you talked with someone about it really so what do you people do besides
wave banners and I figured you must have signals for each other it's just that no one I've ever
known has been as long as you aren't one of the kind that gee I'm glad you told me keep in
touch er. I mean, see you around

INTRODUCTION

Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people have been persecuted and marginalized for centuries. Still
often viewed with fear and hatred, many gays. lesbians, and bisexuals live with a very realistic
fear of harassment. assault, job dismissal, and other discriminatory acts. In this chapter. some of
the barriers experienced by gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons will be described. and suggestions
for empowerment provided.

An empowered gay, lesbian, or bisexual individual might have the following characteristics: a
critical awareness of the discrimination and injustices experienced by gay, lesbian, and bisexual
people in the past and present: knowledge of the strengths, resources, and political activ-ism of
gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities, as well as the accomplish-ments rendered through this
activism: awareness of the contributions of gay, lesbian, and bisexual leaders, artists, educators,
scientists, etc., throughout history: a positive sense of identity and pride; recognition of the
factors contributing to homophobia and heterosexism and skills for challenging these
phenomena: a sense of community with supportive others, and participation in efforts to raise
consciousness, enhance pride, Increase support, share cultural and artistic talents, or otherwise
pro-mote the welfare of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.

WHO ARE GAY, LESBIAN, AND BISEXUAL PEOPLE?

Human sexual orientation traditionally has been viewed as a bipolar characteristic: People are
either gay or straight. More recently, however. sexual orientation has been reconceptualized as
a continuum ranging from heterosexuality to homosexuality (e.g., Klein & Wolf, 1985). Further,
this continuum is viewed as multidimensional and dynamic (DeCecco, 1981), Klein (1982)
discusses sexual orientation in terms of seven components: sexual attraction, sexual behavior,
sexual fantasies, emotional preference, social preference, self-identification, and life-style. Each
of these components is viewed in terms of present, past, and ideal, to capture the dynamic
aspect of sexual orientation. Such a perspective incorporates the sexual orientation of the many
people who. for example, have primarily heterosexual behaviors and attractions, but who
fantasize about same-gender sexual encounters and have same-gender social and emotional
preferences. In addition, this multidimen-sional and dynamic perspective incorporates the
notion of bisexuality not simply as a transitory phase but as a potentially stable and enduring
orientation that is also multifaceted. For example, a woman may be bisexual in her sexual
attraction, fantasies, social preferences, and self-identification, while having sexual relationships
primarily with women as well as prelerring women to fulfill her emotional needs. If over time
her sexual attraction, fantasies, and behavior become more exclusively with women, she may or
may not come to self-identify as lesbian.

Homosexuality was classified as a psychiatric disorder until 1973, when it was removed from the
American Psychiatric Association's list of psychiatric disorders. At that time, 37% of the
membership of the American Psychiatric Association opposed this action (Bayer. 1981). Because
the term "homosexual" has been clearly and negatively associ-ated with pathology,
homosexuality has been increasingly replaced with the affirmative terms gay and lesbian.
Although "gay" may refer to a man or a woman, lesbians have chosen a distinct term because of
the invisibility inherent in using a term that reflects men or men and women (Cohen & Stein.
19861. Thus, the preferred terminology is "gay male and "lesbian." The term hisexual refers, in
general, to individuals who are attracted to both men and women, along the multidimensional
continuum discussed above.

Sexual orientation is used instead of sexual preference" because preference reflects the
misconception that people choose to be gay. lesbian, or bisexual in opposition to an inherently
heterosexual nature. It is important to note that we currently do not understand how sexual
orientation develops; the goal of research efforts should be to learn how sexual orientation
develops in all human beings rather than finding our "what happens to" or "what goes wrong
with gay, lesbian, and bisexual people.

Sexual orientation must be distinguished from gender role orienta-tion and gender identity
(Lasenza. 1989). Gender roles refer to stereo-typed cxpectations within a cultural gastup
regarding appropriate behav ior for males and females. Gender roles traditionally have been
described in terms of masculinity and femininity, with those traits associated with femininity
being more desirable in women and unhealthy in men, and masculine traits seen as desirable
for men but not for women. Gender identity refers to a person's inner sense of being male or
female. People with same-gender sexual orientations are often presumed to have opposite-
gender role orientations (eg, lesbians are presumed to be more masculinei and opposite-gender
identities (eg. gay men are presumed to believe they actually are, or wish they were, women).
These assumptions are inaccurate and reflect stereotypes rather than reality.
Determining the number of gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals in the population has become
a focal point for arguments as to whether homosexuality is "normal." The most common
estimate has been that approximately 10% of the population is gay, lesbian, or bisexual.
However, since it has been established that gay, lesbian, and bisexual people do not differ
significantly from heterosexuals with respect to psychological maladjustment (Gonsiorek, 1982:
Gonsiorek & Weinrich. 1991), focusing on numbers is an unnecessary sidetrack regarding the
issue of "normalcy."

Gay, leshian, and bisexual people are Korean American. German American, Puerto Rican, and
African American: they are computer consultants, teachers, CEOs, maintenance workers, and
athletes they are temporarily able-bodied and disabled; they are adolescents and older adults,
they are "out" to no one, to some, and to everyone, they are homophobic and gay, lesbian, and
bisexual affirmative. In other words. gay, lesbian, and bisexual people cannot be characterized
any more than Italian Americans or people with disabilities: "they are us. The following personal
statement by Sue Morrow reflects both the uniqueness and the universality of one lesbian
woman's life.

When I think of discussing my experience as a lesbian in this society, my first response is. "But I
am anything but typical." Then again, what is a typical lesbian? So I will speak for myself. I am a
middle-class, Caucasian, 49-year-old lesbian doctoral student in counseling psychology: My part
net/lover of 17 years and I live together in a university town in the Southwest. She is a
psychologist, I am a counselor and faculty associate in a university Women's Studies program.
My two children have just begun their first year in community college.

1 came out to myself when I was 32: I had been married for nine years and my children were 2
1/2 and five years old. I had lived happily until that time as a heterosexual woman; then I fell in
love with a woman. The intensity and rightness of it all made me know that my heterosexual
identity had been dependem upon "jest not having met the right wwatan" Although at first my
husband and I attempted to work out a peaceful separation with joint custody, his visit home to
his parents resulted in his serving me with a custody suit upon his return. It was a bitter battle,
filled with lies and deception by my husband and his attorney, and when I was threatened that
the names of several lesbians in the community-some of whom were also lesbian mothers, as
well as teachers and state employees in a state unfriendly to lesbians and gay men-would be
given to the media. I gave up.

I had suffered abuse in my childhood, as well as the early death of my mother, but the loss of
my children was beyond grief. "I couldo't live if I lost my children," several women have said to
me. One can't but one does. One simply does.

The rewards? "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." I have been open as a
teacher, a graduate student in my master's and Ph.D. programs, a community activist, and a
psychotherapist. Being bonest about who lam-to mysell and to others is part of being congruent
and healthy. I have received mixed reactions in my doctoral program, from full support and
advocacy from both lesbian and nonlesbian faculty to sexual harassment based on my life-style
by one male professor. For the most part the reactions of my peers and my students have been
positive

My life is richer than I could ever have imagined. Lesbians have a beautiful culture of women's
music, concerts, festivals, conferences, litera ture, dances, and other community events. I am a
feminist and a political activist, working to change attitudes and raise consciousness about
women and lesbians, along with other social and environmental issues. The intimacy I share
with my lover is enhanced and deepened because of our mutuality and equality, as well as the
unique bond that is characteristic of women's friendships. My children have an openness to
diversity that has resulted from being children of a mother who is "different. In a society that is
characterized by alienation and that would impose the worst isolation upon those people it
considers deviant. I find myself in a community of women who love and support one another, I
experience a greater sense of community than Lever have in the church or neighbor hoods of
my prior life.

The challenges are never-ending. We must do extensive legal work in order to be certain that
one of us will be able to visit the other in intensive care in a hospital or that one will not have
our shared possessions of many years taken by an angry family member when the other one
dies. We experience the regular threats and harassment by anonymous telephone callers never
knowing if the harassment will extend inter violence We cannot hold hands in public as we
celebrate birthdays or anniversaries without our private moment becoming a political act. Yet
when I was asked in a class one day. "If there were a magic pill you could take that would Turn
you straight, would you take it?, "I was astounded. For my life, since coming out as a lesbian,
has been characterized by freedom, growth, and pride. I have already found the magic potion.

BARRIERS

Several of the primary barriers experienced by many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people will be
discussed below. The profound effects of HIV disease on gay men, in particular, are considered
in Chapter Seven.

Heterosexism

As a nation we often pride ourselves on the presumption of our legal system that people are
"innocent until proven guilty. Guiding jury decisions and all other aspects of the justice system,
it is an explicit presumption. Our society is full of other presumptions, most of which are far less
explicit but which have similarly profound implications for our society. Heterosexism is the
presumption that all people are hetero-sexual, and that heterosexuality is the normal, healthy,
and preferred orientation of all human beings (Dworkin & Gutiérrez, 1992). Homo-sexuals are
viewed as deviant and pathological or at least "abnormal." Heterosexism is embedded in our
institutions, our mass media, our textbooks, our thoughts, and is rooted in a complex
combination of religious and cultural norms.

The elimination of homosexuality from the list of psychiatric disorders has not eliminated
perceptions of homosexuality as sinful, perverted. abnormal, and pathological. Gay, lesbian, and
bisexual individuals are still often shunned or rejected by their families, unprotected by the legal
system, and subjected to hate crimes. Traditional personality theories promote heterosexism in
their descriptions of normal human develop-ment (Buhrke, 1989; Glassgold, 1992).
Heterosexism is also obvious in our legal system (Bersoll & Ogden, 1991). As of 1989, housing
and employment discrimination against gays and lesbians was legal in every state except
Wisconsin (Herek, 1989), DeAngelis (1992) notes that although Kentucky's Supreme Court
recently voted down the state's sodomy law (which banned oral and anal sex between
homosexuals but not heterosexuals), seven states still have similar laws. Another 16 states still
prohibit oral and anal sex between any consenting adults, regardless of the gender of the
partners. As noted in Sue Morrow's personal statement, gay, lesbian, and bisexual parems may
lune custody of their children solely on the basis of their sexual orientation. Further, since there
is no legal recognition of gay and lesbian couples and families, gay and lesbian couples may be
denied visitation rights in intensive care units, may not be permitted to care for chronically ill or
dying partners, or may lose shared possessions to family of origin members on the death of
their partner

Homophobia

Homophobia is the irrational fear of gay and lesbian people for people who seem to be gay or
lesbian) (Dworkin & Gutiérrez, 1992). Pharr (1988) argues that homophobia serves to maintain
sexism, because fear of being perceived as homosexual keeps women and men adhering to
narrowly defined gender role behavior. Homophobia is manifested in people who avoid
associating with people who they perceive as homosexual: they often hold and express
extremely negative attitudes toward gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals. People who are
homophobic also may exagger-ate their own gender role behavior so as to make it clear that
they are net, themselves, gay or lesbian-even though most gay and Iesbian individuals exhibit
gender role behavior consistent with that of main-stream society. Bisexual individuals often
experience homophobia within the gay and lesbian communities as well as the dominant
heterosexual world (Dworkin & Gutiérrez, 1992; Woll, 1992)

Homophobia may be overt or subtle, and individuals vary in their degree of awareness of their
homophobia. Counselors, psychologists. and other mental health professionals are no exception
(Garnets, Hancock, Cochran, Goodchilds, & Peplau, 1991) and often lack awareness of their own
homophobic attitudes and feelings. The following excerpts from letters to the American
Psychological Association's Monitor exemplify more overt forms of heterosexism and
homophobia within the field of psychology:

It is with great sadness that I am not going to renew my AFPA membership. and will resign from
my state association. I strongly support APA I can no longer continue to financially support an
institution that takes But moral and political stands that are opposite to my Christian values. I
am speaking specifically to the homosexual issue in which it is considered unethical for a
psychologist to view homosexuality as any kind of devel-opmental arrest or pathology in any
form.... (Daniel, 1991, p. 4)

It is one thing for an adult to identify himself or herself as a homosexual; it is not only
inaccurate and inappropriate to label so vast a number of other individuals, it is unthinkable to
do it to innocent children and young people.... (Wyatt, 1992, p.4, emphasis added)

Internalized homophobia refers to self-directed negative messages about homosexuality among

gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. It may begin with name-calling in elementary school. Children
learn quickly that nonaggressive boys are somehow bad, and label them as "queers" and
"faggots," while girls who hold hands or who don't show sullicient Interest in boys are similarly
labeled "queers" and "dykes" (Birle, 1993) Adolescents lace similar stigmatization (Hetrick,
1988). The devaluation and condemnation of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals thus begins early, and
the negative stereotypes continue for a lifetime. The strong social message that homosexuality
is perverted, unnatural, immoral, anti-Christian, pathological, and unhealthy cannot help but
affect the self-perceptions of gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals Most writers on the topic of
counseling with gay, lesbian, and bisexual clients advocate routine investigation of internalized
homophobia. Given the prevalence of homophobia in society, as well as the lack of information
and negative stereotypes about gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, it is not surprising that moving
beyond internalized homophobia constitutes a major task in a model of gay and leshian identity
development (Cass 1979)

Hate Crimes

Gay men and lesbians are the target of more hate crimes than any other ethnic or nonethnic
minority group in the United States, including African Americans and lews (Finn & McNeil 1987)
Drawing from Finn and McNeil (1987), Herek (1989) delined hate crimes as:

words or acsions intended to harm or intimidate an individual because of her or his

membership in a minority groupe they include violent assaults. murder, rape, and property
crimes motivated by prejudice, as well as threats of violence or other acts of intimidation. (p.
948)
Although public awareness has increased and there is a new federal mandate (the Hate Crimes
Statistics Act) requiring the U.S. Department of Justice to collect data on such crimes
(Lieberman, 1992), the problem of hate crimes is increasing. Lieberman (1992) cited findings
that attacks on gay men and lesbians in each of five major metropolitan areas had increased
31% between 1990 and 1991. The consequences of antigay

hate crimes include physical and psychological harm, the creation of a climate of fear in gay and
lesbian communities, and, for those who have not yet come out, fear of exposure as a gay or
lesbian person (Garnets. Herek, & Levy, 1990; Herek, 1989). In addition, Lieberman notes that in
the past 300 years, gay Americans routinely have been imprisoned, lined, castrated,
clitorectomized, forced to undergo psychiatric treatment, ex-pelled from the military, and
subjected to general social ostracism. Although young males acting alone or in small groups
frequently perpetrate hate crimes (Herek, 1989), organized hate groups such as the Ku Klux Klan
regularly include gay, lesbian, and bisexual people along with their traditional target. Jews and
African Americans (Caldwell. 1988). Two Klan leaders (Imperial Wizards) are calling for restraint
among followers with respect to overt violence and racism, hoping to improve their image à la
David Duke (Boland. 1992). However, these individuals have been labeled traitors by other Klan
leaders, Some of the more radical Klan groups are recruiting actively from the country's
approximately 3,000 neo-Nazi "skinheads": these skinheads are "more consistently violent" and
"increasingly well-armed" (Boland, 1992, p. 32), Although largely unreported, antigay violence
and harassment also occurs within families (Gross, Aurand, & Addessa. 1988; cited in Herek,
1989),

Racism

Gays, lesbians, and bisexuals of color frequently experience not only homophobia and racism
from the larger society but also racism within gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities (Gutiérrez
& Dworkin, 1992; Icard, 1986, Loiacano. 1989). Struggling with identity development in two
separate domains can be a difficult task, even within accepting communities (Morales, 1992;
Chan, 1989, 1992; Espin, 1987). The history of exclusion and/or marginalization of people of
color within the Euro American gay and lesbian communities makes this task even more
difficult. Racism may be experienced in many forms: exclusion from activities, racial slurs, social
rejection: being treated as "exotic": exclu-sion from leadership roles: and the omission of efforts
to eliminate racism through political agendas and consciousness-raising efforts (Chan, 1989;
Loiacano, 1989)

Invisibility

Gay, lesbian, and bisexual people sometimes are referred to as an "invisible" minority because
they have no external characteristics that indicate they are not heterosexual. Because textbooks
and especially history books rarely indicate the sexual orientation of the people described (e.g..
we were never told that Emily Dickinson was lesbian or that Michelangelo was gay), children
and adults alike casily impose their heterosexist bias and assume that all the people about
whom they read are heterosexual. Prime-time television and the mass media rarely depict gay,
lesbian, or bisexual relationships, when such relationships are portrayed, they are often
stereotypical and negative. Further, the con-sequences of open acknowledgment of one's
gayness, lesbianism, or bisexuality can be so severe that many people choose to "pass" (to hide
their sexual orientation) except among their closest friends. Thus, heterosexist bias goes
unchallenged, and many gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals in the early stages of sexual
identity development experience intense isolation. The invisibility of bisexual individuals is even
more profound. Even within the gay and lesbian communities, bisexuals frequently are viewed
as people who can't decide or who haven't fully realized their sexual orientation yet (Woll,
1992).

The process of "outing" has been embraced by some radical groups. "Outing" relers to exposing
a person's gay, lesbian, or bisexual orienta tion without the individual's permission. The purpose
of outing is t0 reduce invisibility and demonstrate that gay, lesbian, and bisexual people are
everywhere-not merely in San Francisco-and that they are competent and trusted members of
all professions-not only artists. hairdressers, and interior designers. Advocates of outing believe
that violating the privacy of an individual is an acceptable means to the end of eliminating
heterosexism and homophobia. Nevertheless, outing. regardless of its greater social aims, is
disempowering to individuals. contributes to the existing climate of fear, and is ultimately
unjustifiable. Coming out and establishing a positive gay, lesbian, or bisexual identity is difficult
even when individuals consciously self-direct each step of the process. The imposition of an
externally determined timetable, with or without warning, reinforces the notion of
powerlessness and of being less than capable of determining one's own life course.

The influences of heterosexism, homophobia, racism, internalized homophobia, and invisibility

often lead gay, lesbian, and bisexual people to seek counseling.

Lack of Counselor Training/Sensitivity

In 1969, the police raided a section of New York City's Greenwich Village known to be home to
many gay and lesbian individuals. The subsequent uprising on Stonewall Street marked the gay
and lesbian community's first public resistance to ongoing police discrimination. The "Stonewall
resistance, the surge of gay activism in the '60s and 70s, strong nationwide advocacy on the part
of gay, lesbian, and bisexual task forces, and the AIDS epidemic "should have been sufficient to
bring sexual orientation into the forefront of counselor training. However, just as counselor
training programs will vary with regard to the integration of multiculturalism (D'Andrea &
Daniels, 1991), there is programmatic variation in counselor preparation to deal effectively with
issues of sexual orientation. As such, gay, lesbian, and bisexual clients may receive services that
are inappropriate, offensive, and even destructive.

The need for counselor training related to gay, lesbian, and bisexual issues is clearly recognized
(Dworkin & Gutiérrez, 1992). Reviewing the literature on counselor attitudes toward
homosexuality. Rudolph (1988) concluded that there remains a great deal of ambivalence
among coun-selors. This ambivalence is reflected, for example, in the concurrent endorsement
of statements that lesbian women may be mentally healthy and that lesbian women usually
have a history of disturbed relationships with both parents, particularly with respect to issues
involving sexual maturation. Rudolph (1988) argues that counselors must be "vigorously self-
conscious of their attitudes toward "homosexuality, homosexual behavior, and homosexual
persons" (p. 167). The extent to which counselors in training are actually directed and
encouraged to do so is questionable.

House and Holloway (1992) discuss the supervisory process as a vehicle for promoting gay and
lesbian affirmative counseling. Frank and open discussion of heterosexism and homophobia is
critical: supervisors also can model affirmative behavior by making educational materials
available to supervisees (House & Holloway. 1992). When supervisees are unwilling to examine
their own biases, or when they engage in counseling practices that are detrimental to their gay,
lesbian, or bisexual clients, supervisors first responsibility is to the client. House and Holloway
(1992) explore these and other issues through case examples and analyses.

Although information regarding sexual orientation and gay, lesbian. and bisexual issues may not
be integrated formally into counselor training programs, an abundance of information is
available. For ex ample, Buhrke (1989) provides readings for counselors in training in the
following categories: general information about lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals: counseling
issues: personality and human development: marriage, family, and couples counseling: career
counseling: multicultural counseling and assessment. Recent issues of mainstream counseling
journals have focused on the mental health and development of gay, lesbian, and bisexual
individuals (e.g.. Dworkin & Gutierrez, 1989). In addition, extensive resource lists are available
from sources such as Dworkin and Gutiérrez (1992). Finally, above all else, counselors must
recognize that the problems of gay, lesbian, and bisexual clients do not occur because of their
sexual orientation, Problems emerge for a multi-plicity of reasons, but always in the context of a
heterosexist, homophobic, and racist society. This point can be illustrated in part by contrasting
the implications of the following two statements: "I was attacked by two young men because I
am gay, versus "I was attacked by two young men because they are violently homophobic."
Preparation to work with gay, leshian, and bisexnal clients will reduce the likelihood that
counselors will impede rather than facilitate the empowerment process.

SUGGESTIONS FOR EMPOWERMENT

Information

The provision of information can be extremely useful in helping gay, lesbian, and bisexual
individuals examine power dynamics at work in their lives, develop a sense of group identity,
become involved in activism, and support the empowerment of others. For gays, lesbians. and
bisexuals of color, power analysis of the dynamics of racism and homophobia within gay and
lesbian comntunities may be particularly relevant to their struggle. Exposure to efforts such as
Project 21, a national alliance for achieving accurate curriculum and textbook inclusion of the
achievements of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals (Birle, 1993), can intro-duce clients to the
proactive stance of their peers, alert clients to their own heterosexist assumptions, and provide
a means of getting involved in transforming society. Learning the history of society's treatment
of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals provides a context for understanding the significance of specific
events such as the Stonewall resistance. The emergence of the gay rights movement,
gay/lesbian/bisexual task forces and collectives throughout the country, and the instrumental
role of gay. leshian, and bisexual people in calling attention to the seriousness of the AIDS
epidemic, are important aspects of the history of the gay, lesbian. and bisexual communities.

Identification of local support groups and exposure to cultural, edu-cational, and recreational
events within the local gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities may assist in the enhancement of
a group identity, as well as providing a source of positive role models. mentors, and
companions. Finally, there is a wealth of written resources available for addressing a wide
variety of concerns specific to gay, lesbian, and bisexual clients. For example, Katz's Gay/Lesbian
Almanac (1983) and Gay American History (1976) document some of the contributions of
promi-nent gay, lesbian, and bisexual historic figures. Advocacy

Counselors have an ethical responsibility to be educated with respect to gay, lesbian, and
bisexual issues: those who believe they don't have any gay, lesbian, or bisexual clients probably
have not created an atmosphere in which coming out is safe. Participation in task forces,
professional meetings, and community activities that promote the well-being of gay. lesbian,
and bisexual individuals is not the sole responsibility of gay, lesbion, and bisexual counselors. In
addition, all counselors have an obligation to confront homophobia and heterosexism as it
emerges in staff meetings, case conferences, educational activities, and agency policies. Of
course, advocating for the rights of gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals means possibly being
perceived as gay, lesbian, or bisexual, as such, it offers heterosexual counselors an opportunity
to confront their own homophobia and heterosexism as well as to experience some of its
consequences.

Identity Development

The counselor's ability to provide information and suggestions regarding the development of
positive gay, lesbian, and bisexual identities is essential. Having a positive gay, lesbian, or
bisexual identity is related to psychological adjustment (Miranda & Storms, 1989). It is not
always necessary to educate clients about specific models and stages: sometimes just being
able to assess the client's stage and supporting the client's movement through that stage is of
greatest help. Clients need to know that the development of a positive identity is a process that
is both common and unique relative to the identity development of other gays, lesbians, and
bisexuals.

Cass (1979) proposed a six-stage model of homosexual identity formation. The first stage,
identity confusion, corresponds with the onset of questions regarding one's sexual orientation.
Previous assumptions of heterosexuality are examined now in light of recognizing attractions to
members of the same sex. The second stage, identity comparison, involves recognition that "I
might be gay" (or lesbian or bisexual). Individuals in this stage experience feelings of social
alienation and separateness from previously comfortable subgroups. In the next stage, identity
tolerance, the person begins developing alliances with other gay, lesbian, or bisexual people,
but maintains a high degree of secrecy regarding his or her sexual orientation. Stage Four, the
identity acceptance stage, is characterized by the selective sharing of one's sexual orientation.
People at this stage may come out to family members and close friends who are heterosexual,
and begin to view their sexual orientation as normal and valid. Stage Five, identity pride, is
characterized by greater pride and involvement in gay and lesbian cultures and communities,
often to the exclusion of activities with heterosexual friends. Individuals in this stage are very
aware of the negative stereotypes of gay, lesbian, and bisexual people that pervade the
dominant culture, and may devalue heterosexuality themselves. Finally, in identity synthesis,
sexual identity is integrated with other aspect of the personality. During this sixth stage,
individuals may pursue friendships and activities within and outside of the gay/lesbian commu-
nity. Cass's (1979) model and others typically characterize the process of developing a positive
gay, lesbian, or bisexual identity as a series of nonlinear and potentially reoccurring stages
(O'Connor. 1992).

For gays, lesbians, and bisexuals of color, the process of developing a positive ethnic identity
may happen concurrently and even conflict with the development of a positive sexual identity.
In his qualitative inter-views with African American gay men and lesbians. Loiacano (1989)
found three common themes in their process of gay/lesbian identity development: the search
for validation among gay and lesbian commu-nities; the search for validation in the African
American community: and the integration of these identities. The racism present in the largely
Euro American gay, lesbian, and bisexual communities contributes to what Espin (1987) calls a
fundamental dilemma. She argues that Latina lesbians fear stigmatization from the Hispanic
community and loss of their Hispanic identity within the Euro American lesbian community.
Similar to Loiacano's (1989) findings with African American gay men, Espin (1987) found that
her study participants sought validation in both communities. Perceptions of gay, lesbian, and
bisexual individuals varies by ethnic groups. Chan (1989, 1992) notes that homosexuality is
largely denied within the Asian American community: gay and lesbian Asian Americans may be
perceived as rejecting their families and reflecting their parents' failure to transmit the
foundational values of Asian culture. Thus, coming out as gay, lesbian, or bisexual may be
experi-enced by Asian Americans and/or their families as bringing great shame on the family.
Chan (1989) found that the majority of gay and lesbian Asian American participants in her study
had not come out to their parents, and were more strongly identified as gay or lesbian than as
Asian American.

The counselor's validation of the multiple identity struggles of the gay. lesbian, or bisexual client
of color is critical. Morales (1983, 1992) integrates models of ethnic and gay/lesbian identity
development and provides suggestions for counselors assisting Latino gays and lesbians in their
process of identity integration. For example, gay Latinos and lesbian Latinas may experience a
conflict allegiance and feel compelled to choose between their identity communities. Morales
(1992) suggests that exploration of the nature of the support available in each commu-nity, as
well as establishing the individual's priorities, can help in the recognition and appreciation of
multiple and nonexclusive identities. Certainly one of the most important sources of support
can be developing relationships with gays, lesbians, and bisexuals of similar ethnic back-
grounds. Several of Loiacano's (1989) gay and lesbian African American study participants were
active in forming organizations and support groups specifically for Black gays and lesbians.
Counselors knowledge of the developmental processes associated with ethnic and sexual iden-
tity will enhance their effectiveness and helpfulness to clients; client participation in supportive
groups can further enhance their identity development process.

Family of Choice

Unfortunately, many gay, lesbian, and bisexual individuals are rejected by their families after
they come out. Others may opt to create distance between themselves and a family that
excludes lovers from family gatherings; refuses to acknowledge their gay, lesbian, or bisexual
iden-tity, or in some other way demonstrates a lack of support for or rejection of the individual.
In addition to helping clients move through a grieving process for the loss of support,
connection, aflection, or whatever their changed family relationships represent, counselors can
introduce the notion of a family of choice. Playing off the old adage, "You can't choose your
relatives," many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people have established families of choice. These
families have no set characteristics other than an agreement to provide emotional and perhaps
other kinds of support. Sometimes specific roles such as sister, mother, and brother are clarified
among members of a family of choice, at other times no such distinction in roles is made. The
family of choice represents a proactive step toward receiving and providing the positive
nurturance, companionship, and loyalty that families of origin did not, or no longer, provide.
Hawxhurst and Morrow (1984) offer excellent, practical suggestions for building a feminist
community that could easily inform the process of creating a family of choice.

Skill Application: Communication

Communication skills training lacilitates empowerment by enabling. clients to voice their

feelings and perceptions, ask for what they want. and identify their limits. People able to
communicate effectively have a better chance of being heard and having their needs met. In
addition, they provide a healthier environment and better role models for the people around
them than those who do not communicate well. In the example described below,
communication skills training facilitated the coming out process of a young bisexual woman.

Kelly was a 19-year-old Euro American woman who sought counseling to "deal with my mother
better." Kelly informed her counselor in the first session that although she got along with her
father alright," she and her mother had had a rather stormy relationship since Kelly was 13
years old. She described her mother as nosy, demanding, religious, and nervous. Her father was
"pretty cool" and "an intellectual, hippie-used-to-be type. She reported that she could talk with
her father about many topics, but her mother would "freak" when Kelly expressed a strong
opinion or a liberal viewpoint.

Kelly began the second session by announcing, "Well. I'm 'bi' and it's just fine. as she sat in her
chair. The counselor simply said, "OK," and sat silently for a few minutes. Kelly became agitated:
"What do you mean. 'OK', we have to talk about this. I'm not just kidding around." As the
session unfolded, the counselor learned that Kelly's father-who considered her to be lesbian-
had advised her not to tell her mother; he thought Kelly might "grow out of it." "find the right
man, and never need to tell her mother anyway. Kelly was angry about "hiding" this part of
herself, but she also agreed with her father that her mother would probably have a heart attack.
She didn't believe she would grow out of her feelings, she had been aware of being attracted to
males and females since she was 13 years old. She had been in a sexual relationship with a close
girlfriend for two years. Prior to this she had had several shorter romantic relationships with
boys. Currently her other friendships were fairly superficial and no one else knew she was
bisexual.

Kelly demonstrated a protective attitude toward her father, he was "so good about the whole
thing and if it helped him to believe she might change, that was acceptable to her. But she
resented feeling as though she had to protect her mother constantly from her own thoughts
and identity. She was tentatively planning to inform her mother just as she had informed her
counselor; "Guess what, Mom; I'm bisexual!"

Although Kelly appeared confident and comfortable with her sexual orienta tion, the counselor
suspected that she would benefit from having a wider support network than her father and
girlfriend. In addition, the counselor noticed that Kelly frequently made dramatic, "bombshell
statements and then reacted with disappointment when she failed to startle the counselor. The
counselor shared her concern that Kelly should develop a group of friends who could support
and validate, rather than simply tolerate, her bisexual identity. They also processed Kelly's
"bombshell" style. Kelly discovered a pattern in her family's communi-cation: Her sudden
statements would upset her mother and gain her father's attention; her father would react
initially by soothing her mother, relieving Kelly of her protector role, later, her father would
come to "talk sense into her and they usually would have an intimate conversation. Although
this style was adaptive. Kelly realized that she was aettina tired of "goina in circles. She and the
counselor established the goals of (1) finding support. (2) working on communication skills, and
(3) formulating a "coming out plan

Over the next several sessiom, Kelly and the counselor discussed different options for finding
community After talking to one of the participants on the phone. Kelly decided to try joining a
support group for lesbian and bisexual women. With respect to communication skills, they
focused on the perception feeling want triad and meta communication (discussed in Chapter
Four). After role-playing conversations in which Kelly and her counselor took turns being her
mother, Kelly tried meta-communicating with her mother about staying out late She described
to her mother how she felt when her mother stayed up waiting for her, and how she (Kelly)
would get angry in response to her mother's questions. She let her mother know that her
mother's concern felt good, but the degree of concern did not. Then she asked her mother.
"How can we fix this?" Although the ensuing conversation ended with an angry exchange of
words. Kelly was intrigued by her mother's initially calm respome. Kelly stated, "Maybe there's
hope at least I know I can do some things to make the situation potentially better" With respect
to her third goal. Kelly decided to postpone coming out to her mother until she felt more
comfortable and consistent in using her new commu nication skills. Her first support group
meeting was "scary and wonderful: 1 thought they would all be weird, but they're pretty cool.
She invited her girlfriend along to the next meeting. When Kelly terminated counseling three
months later, she had begun to socialize with women in the lesbian community and was
expressing strongly positive attitudes about being hisexual. Her velationship with her mother
was developing into one characterized more by tolerance than anger. Kelly was taking more
risks with both of her parents in terms of sharing her feelings, and at the same time seemed
slightly less vulnerable to their negative or neutral responses. She felt much more aware of her
family dynamics, and viewed

herself as making healthier decisions about how to relate to her parents

RESOURCES
A growing number of resources are available for those interested in Increasing their awareness
of issues related to gay, lesbian, and bisexual people, as well as resources for community
participation and political action. These include Counseling Gay Men and Lesbians Journey to
the End of the Rainbow by Dworkin and Gutiérrez (1992); Living Our Visions: Building Feminist
Community by Hawxhurst and Morrow (1984); Loving Someone Gay by Clark (1977): Gay
Parenting: A Complete Guide for Gay Men and Leshians with Childroshy Schulenberg (1985);
and The Lavender Couch A Consumer's Guide to Psychotherapy for Lesbians and Gay Men by
Hall (1985). In a special issue of the Journal of Counseling and Development, Hetherington and
Orzek (1989) list more than 30 professional associa-tions and resources for lesbians, gays, and
bisexuals. These organiza-tions include National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Gay Organizations
Mailing List. 1517 U Street, N.W.. Washington, DC 20009, (202) 332-6483; Association for Gay,
Lesbian, and Bisexual Issues in Counseling (AGLBIC), P.O. Box 216, Jenkintown, PA 19046: and
Federation of Parents & Professionals for Friends of Lesbians & Gays, P.O. Box 24565, Los
Angeles, CA 90024. Organizations listed by Dworkin and Gutiérrez (1992) include Black Gay and
Lesbian Leadership Forum, 3924 W. Sunset Boulevard, Los Angeles, CA 90029; CALM: Custody
Action for Lesbian Mothers, Box 281. Narberth, PA 19072: Gay Asian Pacific Alliance, 1841
Market Street, 2nd Floor, San Francisco, CA 94103; Gay Fathers Coalition, P.O. Box 19891.
Washington, DC 20036: LLEGO Nacional. P.O. Box 44483, Washington DC 20036; and SAGE:
Senior Action in a Gay Environment. 208 W. 13th Street, New York, NY 10011. (212) 741-2247.
Additional writings and organizations of interest may be found in the resource sections of other
chapters in this book.

CONCLUSION

In this chapter, some of the barriers experienced by gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals have been
identified. Understanding the sociopolitical context in which gay, lesbian, and bisexual
individuals live-a context of heterosexism and homophobia-is critical to counseling for empow
erment. As counselors, we are obligated to identify our own heterosexist and homophobic
attitudes so that we can provide appropriate, respectful counseling services. We also have an
important role to play as advocates within our profession and in the larger society; to ignore this
role is to become a part of the barriers faced by gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals in the
development of a positive self-identity.