Title: Paragraphs
Quick Start: In your book, in bullet points, list all the things that you
think would make you change paragraph in a piece of creative writing
TASK 2: Write an
impactful opening
paragraph (or 2!) to a
short story describing this
scene, using ambitious
vocabulary and one
literary device.
Challenge: Start your
opening with a "-ing"
word.
What I'm looking for
➢ Understanding why authors change paragraph
➢ Identifying why an author has chosen to change paragraphs
➢ Writing multiple paragraphs using this knowledge
➢ GCSE focus - cohesion
Extract from Cuckoo’s Calling a detective novel by Robert Galbraith (J.K. Rowling).
This is the opening where the crime that is investigated is described: the death of a young celebrity.
The buzz in the street was like the humming of flies. Photographers stood massed behind barriers patrolled by police,
their long-snouted cameras poised, their breath rising like steam. Snow fell steadily on to hats and shoulders; gloved
fingers wiped lenses clear. From time to time there came outbreaks of desultory clicking, as the watchers filled the
waiting time by snapping the white canvas tent in the middle of the road, the entrance to the tall red-brick apartment
block behind it, and the balcony on the top floor from which the body had fallen.
The entrance to number 18 was bounded with tape. Police officials, some of them white-clothed forensic experts,
could be glimpsed in the hallway beyond.
Behind the tightly packed paparazzi stood white vans with enormous satellite dishes on the roofs, and journalists
talking, some in foreign languages, while soundmen in headphones hovered. Between recordings, the reporters
stamped their feet and warmed their hands on hot beakers of coffee from the teeming café a few streets away.
The television crews had had the story for hours, and members of the public were crowding at either end of the road,
held at bay by more police; some had come, on purpose, to look, others had paused on their way to work. Many held
mobile telephones aloft to take pictures before moving on.
Just then, a group of young girls brought flowers, and were filmed as they laid them self-consciously.
A chilly light filled the interior of the tent. Two men were crouching beside the body, ready to move it, at last, into a body
bag. Her head had bled a little into the snow. The face was crushed and swollen, one eye reduced to a pucker, the
other showing as a sliver of dull white between distended lids. When the sequinned top she wore glittered in slight
changes of light, it gave a disquieting impression of movement, as though she breathed again, or was tensing muscles,
ready to rise.
The snow fell with soft fingertip plunks on the canvas overhead.
TASK 1
On your own, in silence, you are going to try to explain why the
author has started each new paragraph. Annotate these onto your
extract.
What is the tone/mood of the extract? Can you identify a semantic
field? Highlight all the words which create the mood/ semantic field
you sense.
Clear paragraphing and consistent tone/mood are vital for
cohesion.
Extract from Cuckoo’s Calling a detective novel by Robert Galbraith (J.K. Rowling).
This is the opening where the crime that is investigated is described: the death of a young celebrity.
The buzz in the street was like the humming of flies. Photographers stood massed behind barriers patrolled by police,
their long-snouted cameras poised, their breath rising like steam. Snow fell steadily on to hats and shoulders; gloved
fingers wiped lenses clear. From time to time there came outbreaks of desultory clicking, as the watchers filled the
waiting time by snapping the white canvas tent in the middle of the road, the entrance to the tall red-brick apartment
block behind it, and the balcony on the top floor from which the body had fallen. change of perspective/zoom in
The entrance to number 18 was bounded with tape. Police officials, some of them white-clothed forensic experts,
could be glimpsed in the hallway beyond. change of perspective/pan out
Behind the tightly packed paparazzi stood white vans with enormous satellite dishes on the roofs, and journalists
talking, some in foreign languages, while soundmen in headphones hovered. Between recordings, the reporters
stamped their feet and warmed their hands on hot beakers of coffee from the teeming café a few streets away.
change of time – back into the past
The television crews had had the story for hours, and members of the public were crowding at either end of the road,
held at bay by more police; some had come, on purpose, to look, others had paused on their way to work. Many held
mobile telephones aloft to take pictures before moving on.
change of time – return to the present
Just then, a group of young girls brought flowers, and were filmed as they laid them self-consciously.
A chilly light filled the interior of the tent. Two men change of location
were crouching – inside
beside the tent/
the body, emphasise
ready the
to move it, atgirls'
last, action.
into a body
bag. Her head had bled a little into the snow. The face was crushed and swollen, one eye reduced to a pucker, the
other showing as a sliver of dull white between distended lids. When the sequinned top she wore glittered in slight
changes of light, it gave a disquieting impression of movement, as though she breathed again, or was tensing muscles,
ready to rise. emphasise the pathetic fallacy
The snow fell with soft fingertip plunks on the canvas overhead.
Why might an author choose to change
paragraph? - choose all that apply on your mini
whiteboards
A) Because they are shifting from one character's perspective to
another
B) Because a new person begins to speak
C) Because they are moving the story forwards in time
D) Because they think they have written too much
E) Because they want to change viewpoint
F) Because they want the reader to see the scene from a different
angle
G) To make a specific sentence or idea more impactful
TASK: You are going to write three to five paragraphs outlining a detective's journey from their office to
a crime scene (you may write more, but ensure each paragraph develops an idea enough and includes
detailed description OR is deliberately a single line for effect) You can use the following structure to
help you. Think about what linking words and phrases you might use to signify the shifts between your
paragraphs. CHALLENGE: You may choose to include speech in your writing.
LINKING IDEAS
Fronted adverbials: Suddenly,
Abruptly, Hurriedly etc.
Leaving home The journey Arrival on the
scene Prepositions: Behind, Outside, In,
• What do they need • How do they travel
to take? • With whom? • What do they see? Beyond, After etc.
• How do they leave? • Weather? • Who else is there?
• What is the scene • What is the Present participles: Searching,
like? atmosphere like?
closing, striding etc.
Helpful phrases: Just then, without
Finished?: For each shift of hesitating, In a flash etc.
paragraph, identify why you have
chosen to change paragraph.
Success Criteria
❑ Literary devices are used for
specific effect
❑ Writing is descriptive and uses a
range of ambitious vocabulary
❑ Paragraphs are used with good
judgement and support the
structure of the writing/make it
more clear
❑ Punctuation is varied and
accurate use of semi-colons/
dashes etc.)
❑ Control over character and
setting and tone means that
writing is easy to follow and
understand
❑ Ideas and descriptions
are detailed and developed to
make the writing more
interesting.
Sentence starters
• The sun was just setting when they received the phone call...
• Out in the busy street...
• The car was cold and uncomfortable...
• As they stepped out into the darkening wood they saw...
Sentence starters
• The sun was just setting when they received the phone call...
• Out in the busy street...
• The car was cold and uncomfortable...
• As they stepped out into the darkening wood they saw...
Sentence starters
• The sun was just setting when they received the phone call...
• Out in the busy street...
• The car was cold and uncomfortable...
• As they stepped out into the darkening wood they saw...
Sentence starters
• The sun was just setting when they received the phone call...
• Out in the busy street...
• The car was cold and uncomfortable...
• As they stepped out into the darkening wood they saw...
Quick Start: You 15-20 minutes to complete your writing task
from last lesson. I am expecting at least 4 paragraphs of various
lengths.
Finished:
1) For each shift of paragraph, identify why you have chosen to
change paragraph.
2) Highlight where you have used language devices
3) Underline your ambitious vocabulary
4) Check for: run on sentences/comma splices, correct apostrophes,
all in the past tense (coherent tenses), all sentences are complete
(no fragments).
I will be coming round and live marking.
Model marking
As we read the models consider:
Which one do you think uses paragraphs most effectively and why?
Which one is least coherent and why?
Which one has the most muddled tone and which phrases create this
confusion?
Silent work: Using the mark schemes you have been given award each one a
level between 1 and 5 for AO5 and AO6 – be ready to justify your choices.
1.
The rain was loud against the office window. Detective Mara Keene was leaning back in her chair, spinning a coin
between her fingers. It dropped onto the desk with a clink, but she ignored it. There were files everywhere, but not
in a cool detective way, more like she just hadn’t tidied up in ages. A packet of crisps sat open, which was probably
a bad idea but she ate one anyway. Then, after a few minutes the phone rang. She grabbed the phone quickly.
"Hello— yeah?” she said, then paused, sitting up properly now. “Where?” Another pause. “Right, okay. I’ll come.”
She hung up and just sat there for a second, then suddenly stood up like she had been pricked on the bum with a
needle. She picked up her coat but dropped it.
Outside it was properly raining, not just a bit, like the kind that makes your hair instantly annoying. She got into the
car where some police officer guy was already waiting. “It’s out near the woods,” he started, “someone found—”
but then the radio randomly started playing Justin Bieber.
They drove for a while and the city sort of disappeared, there were less buildings and more darkness. The officer
kept talking.
Something about no ID, and the body, obviously, which wasn’t great. Keene nodded like she was listening properly.
The road got worse and more muddy. “Nearly there,” the officer said, which was obvious because of the flashing
lights ahead, like a trendy blue disco. She got out of the car. The trees were all dark and dripping and it felt quieter
than it should have been, even with people talking. She walked forward, ducking under a branch and getting water
down her neck which made her flinch. For a moment she just stood there, then pulled on her gloves slowly, like in
the films, even though her hands were a bit cold and it made it awkward.
2 Rain tapped steadily against the office window, a quiet, persistent sound that filled the room. Detective Elian Voss stood by his
desk, sleeves rolled up, looking over a spread of case files that had begun to blur together after too many hours. Papers wer e
stacked in uneven piles, photographs pinned and half-pinned to a board, some curling at the edges. A cigarette burned slowly in
the ashtray beside him, forgotten; its ash grew longer with each passing minute. He didn’t seem to notice.
The telephone rang.
It broke the silence cleanly, and Voss let it ring once more before picking it up. “Voss,” he said, his voice calm and direct. He
listened, asking only a couple of short questions, each one sharp and to the point. When he hung up, he didn’t hesitate. He
reached for his coat, slipping it on in one smooth movement, then pressed the cigarette out carefully, leaving no mess behind.
Outside, the rain had soaked the streets, turning the pavement glossy under the streetlights. Cars passed by in a blur of light
and water, their reflections stretching across the ground. Voss stepped out into it without rushing, pulling his coat tighter as he
moved toward a waiting police car. Inside, a young constable sat up straighter when he saw him, clearly unsure whether to spe ak.
They drove through the city in near silence, but the buildings slowly thinned, giving way to darker, quieter roads. The constable
began to explain—something about a body found in a patch of woodland just outside the city, no ID yet—but his voice faded as
Voss kept his eyes on the road ahead. He wasn’t ignoring him; he just didn’t interrupt. Instead, he seemed to take in everyth ing at
once—the turns they made, the time it took to get there, the growing distance from the city lights.
By the time they arrived, the road had narrowed to a muddy track at the edge of a forest. Blue lights flashed between the trees,
casting strange, shifting shadows across the wet ground. Officers moved carefully among the trunks, their voices low, as if t he
forest itself demanded quiet. Voss stepped out of the car and paused for a moment, taking in the scene—the darkness, the rain
dripping from the branches, the disturbed patch of earth ahead. Then he pulled on a pair of gloves, one finger at a time, and
walked forward, ready to see what the night had left behind.
3.
Rain threaded the windowpanes of the office like a patient introgator, tapping out a rhythm that Detective Jones did not
silence and never really acknowledged, and the room is full of unfinished cases—folders splayed open like wunded birds,
photographs half-pinned, he was standing there rather than sitting, sleeves rolled with a kind of surgical preciseness, like he had
been expecting something more tricky than paperwork, a cigarette smouldered in the ashtray, its ash growing too long but not yet
falling.
The telephone rang, and it is loud, sharper than it should be, and he lets it ring again even though he already reached for it, like
the delay itself is part of a calculation he might explain if asked, which he won’t be. “Jones,” he says, the voice low and
unornamental, there was someone speaking on the other end but I cannot hear them, only the spaces where I insert questions—
short, delibrate, almost cutting into the conversation rather than joining it—and by the time the reciever is replaced, I am putting
on my coat. Outside, the city had surrendered to the rain streetlights longating into halos that smear across the pavement which
reflects everything in a distorted, almost filosophical way.
A patrol car idles at the curb, engine murmuring, and the constable inside straightens when he sees me. We are driving now
and had been for a while, and the constable begins to explain—there is a body, there was a call, it’s out near some woodland
beyond the city—but the explanation feels unfinished even as it continues, like it is being constructed and deconstructed at the
same time. I watch the road, or the reflections on it and listen.
The buildings thin out and the city becomes somthing less definite, more intermittent, giving way to darker roads that seem to
arrive before they are properly seen, and the rain continues, unhelpfully consistant, and the car turns onto a narrower track
which is muddy, or muddier than expected. “Nearly there,” the constable says.
By the time they arrived, the forest had already begun to change the scene into something else—less event, more evidence,
though not completely—and blue lights pulse against the wet trunks of trees, casting shadows that seem disproportionate to
their sauces, and officers are moving carefully, speaking in lowered voices as if the place requires it, which it might. Jones steps
out, pauses, observes then removes his gloves before putting them back on, one finger at a time, and then he walks forward
toward the disturbed ground where the body is waiting.