Picture this.

A new establishment was just built across a public park where families and

children play every day. Though the families never expected one to be built so close to home,

they celebrate its existence, for its industry is known to support the personal development of

young men and women, espouse essential lessons about interpersonal communication, and

promote body positivity.

Within this establishment, female entertainers demonstrate their physical prowess

through dance. Customers come in to marvel at the alluring acrobatics that show off the limits of

the human form, in strength, flexibility, and sensuality. After performing, beautiful women that

men typically never speak to, generously offer their time and companionship to customers.

Through the guidance of these entertainers, men learn how to ask for permission, treat women

well, and respect their boundaries. In between beverages and dances, the men learn about how

the history of gendered oppression still affects women today, and once they’ve been enlightened,

they thank the entertainers by paying them handsomely.

There are rules, however. Mainly — no touching. And also, always ask for consent.

Anyone who has trouble internalizing these rules is thrown out. Should something wrongful

happen within this building — and there are cameras and members of security who work to

ensure that nothing happens — there is an understanding that it’s usually the man who has

erred. Clients face harsh criminal penalties for any crimes they commit, and the entertainers are

viewed with the tender and forgiving kindness they well deserve. For the onus is on the man to

be responsible for his body and his actions, and the establishment prioritizes the safety of its

employees, and nothing is worth risking their welfare.

The men exit this building humbled by their place in this world, with a renewed respect

for women. But in truth, the establishment does not service the men who visit. Rather, it serves

the women.

Is it possible to perform sex work as a choice, not as a result of oppression? Yes.

doing sex work. But that’s their call, not ours.

More stuff. Good, positive stuff.

I tell Lingling my vision of sex work, and she laughs. Her stage name doesn’t actually

mean anything. It’s just meant to sound oriental. We’re on video call, talking through our

respective phones, laying on our respective beds. It’s a Friday night.

L: “That’s not possible. You will be violated for sure, repeatedly.”

D: “If the rules were enforced more strictly, is there a chance that sex work could be

wholesome? That it just becomes any other work and people don't get violated?”

L: “The violation is where the money comes from.”

D: “So it sounds like the lack of enforcement comes intrinsically with sex work.”

L: “Yeah, I mean, it's like if you were a drug dealer. Can you enforce the rules so your

clients won’t OD? Your financial interests mean you’re not invested in the wellness of your

clients.”

Learn About Sex Work

Sex Workers Outreach Project USA

The overwhelming majority of sex worker clients do not perpetrate violence against sex workers. And the

central cause of violence is institutional alienation of sex workers from law enforcement protection and a

justice system that leads most sex workers to distrust and fear law enforcement officials. Violent

individuals do not fear repercussions and prey on sex workers in particular. Most interactions between sex

workers and law enforcement involve arrest, and law enforcement and judicial system officials frequently

ignore or doubt reports by sex workers. So sex workers either do not report sexual and physical assault to

law enforcement or law enforcement officials do not sufficiently respond to complaints, and individuals

remain free and continue to perpetrate crimes against sex workers.

Yes, of course. That was a mere fantasy. So imagine this more realistic world instead.

This is a world where most people support transgender rights, but would never date a

transgender person. Where people love drag queens, but would hate for their significant other to

be one. Where people recognize the importance of nonbinary identities, but still mess up

nonbinary pronouns.

In this world, women who were never offered the same opportunities as men know of a

way to financially support themselves. Other women have also discovered a way to bamboozle

the patriarchy, a loophole in the gender norms rulebook that offers an additional stream of

revenue for women — a side hustle if you will.

All of these women start working in an establishment where they dance for hours into

the night. Some work once a week, others work more frequently. The job is physically

demanding, and many employees get injured on the job. They’re thankful that they receive

health insurance and are protected by the law.

A few years ago, the country realized that these women are a minority, and allowing

them to live their lives doesn’t change how the rest of conventional society goes about its day. So

instead of forbidding their livelihoods, which would put them in harm’s way, the country decides

to offer them the same rights as any other worker.

What if sex work is a patriarchal bargain?

And so what if it is? The existence of women is a patriarchal bargain.

“I say this not bc I’m angry or anything, ur allowed to do anything u want, but I think u have an unhealthy

need for male attention and validation. And I think u were being manipulative w telling me that u valued

me for not judging at all right before asking me that question. Ik there are guys out there that would be

fine w it, I guess I’m just not one of them.”

simply toying with the idea, and it was actually unlikely to happen in reality.

“It’s not really about how ‘unlikely’ it’s going to happen but rather the morality of it all. Like u’d literally be a

sex worker, selling ur body to turn on random crusty men. Esp considering ur stance on gender equality, u

can see how I might find it confusing and hypocritical that u’d be happy as a stripper. U so desperately

want to believe that men and women are exactly the same, but u crave male attention and validation and

sexual objectification so much, that ur willing to be a stripper.”

Interview with Lisa about her experience dating.

Interview with Lucy. What does it mean to be a sex worker?

I was having dinner with my friend Suyash, and I brought up the fact that I just had a

conversation with a stripper about the definition of sex work, and I prepared myself to present

an idea I know he would disagree with. “She pointed out that housewives can also be viewed as

sex workers.”

We argued for about two hours.

He posited that it’s unfair to simplify all the work a housewife does as sex work. I posited

that it’s not derogatory to call a housewife a sex worker — it’s actually a means of liberating

women.

What of other kinds of physical labor, like cooking or cleaning? What of taking care of

children? What of managing household finances?

It sounds like we need to have a clearer definition of sex work, and I see sex work as not

simply providing literal sex. It’s also everything surrounding the act of sex. Emotional labor too.
Despite his adamant denial, I believed he thought the term “sex worker” was derogatory, which

was the real reason he was against my proposal.

And then he finally said, “Look, housewives work extremely hard, and they’re the

foundations of essential labor for the household. They already face so much trouble and stigma

on so many levels in society, and they are constantly being attacked for their — it’s unfair to call

them sex workers.”

And that was when I understood. Like the conventional sex worker, housewives are also

stigmatized in their own way. Many women with defined roles in the service of society are.

As I walked home that night, I remember thinking that all relationships are

performative. In the performance of a housewife, you can’t be viewed as a sex worker. The

relationship relies on your moral integrity.

But here’s another crazy thought. What if sex work could be feminist work?

If housewives are sex workers, then female mobility was founded in sex work.

There’s a story that I’m reminded of.

“They all know it is there, all the people of Omelas. Some of them have come to see it,

others are content merely to know it is there. They all know that it has to be there. Some of them

understand why, and some do not, but they all understand that their happiness, the beauty of

their city, the tenderness of their friendships, the health of their children, the wisdom of their

scholars, the skill of their makers, even the abundance of their harvest and the kindly weathers

of their skies, depend wholly on this child’s abominable misery.”

— Ursula Le Guin, “The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas”

Being against sex work is a thing of morality — the desire to differentiate yourself from a

sex worker, to mark yourself as more moral.

of one’s own sexual relationships that are deeply transactional in nature. It allows us to believe

there’s something sacred about a woman freely offering her body to a man. Without the

oppression of sex workers, we cannot have pure relationships and marriages in conventional

society.