UNIT 3 HARMONY IN FAMILY & SOCIETY
Love - The Complete Value
Love is called the complete value since this is the feeling of relatedness to all human beings. It
is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In other words, love is a feeling of
warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. It starts with
identifying that one is related to the other human being (the feeling of affection) and it slowly
expands to the feeling of being related to all human beings.
The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from
generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my wife").
"Love" can also refer specifically to the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love, to the
sexual love of Eros (cf. Greek words for love), to the emotional closeness of familial love, or
to the platonic love that defines friendship, to the profound oneness or devotion of religious
love. This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings
involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other
emotional states.
This feeling or value is also called the complete value since this is the feeling of relatedness to
all human beings. It starts with identifying that one is related to the other human being (the
feeling of affection) and it slowly expands to the feeling of being related to all human beings.
The feeling of love leads to an undivided society, it starts from a family and slowly expands to
the world family in the form of love.
Justice in Human Relationships
Justice is the recognition of values (the definite feelings) in relationship, their fulfilment, the
right evaluation of the fulfilment resulting in mutual happiness. Justice concerns itself with the
proper ordering of things and people within a society. There are four elements: Recognition
of values, fulfilment, evaluation and mutual happiness ensured. When all the four are
ensured, justice is ensured. Mutual fulfilment is the hallmark of justice. And justice is essential
in all relationships. Justice starts from family and slowly expands to the world family. The
child gets the understanding of justice in the family. With this understanding, he goes out in
the society and interacts with people.
If the understanding of justice is ensured in the family, there will be justice in all the interactions
we have in the world at large. If we do not understand the values in relationships, we are
governed by our petty prejudices and conditionings. We may treat people as high or low based
on their body (particular caste, or sex or race or tribe), on the basis of wealth one possesses or
the belief systems that one follows. All this is source of injustice and leads to fragmented
society while our natural acceptance is for an undivided society and universal human order.
Having explored the harmony in the human beings, we are able to explore the harmony in the
family. This enables us to understand the harmony at the level of society and nature/existence.
And this is the way, the harmony in our living grows. We slowly get the competence to live in
harmony with all human beings.
Respect (Sammana)
Respect means accepting individuality and doing right evaluation (to be evaluated as I am).
Our basis for respect today is largely quite contrary to our discussion above. Instead of respect
being a basis of similarity or one of right evaluation, we have made it into something on the
basis of which we differentiate i.e. by respecting you mean you are doing something special,
because you are special or have something special or are in some special position. Thus, all of
us are running around seeking respect from one another by trying to become something special.
Respect in Human Relationships
Respect means individuality. The sense of individuality is prime object. This is the first basic
step towards respect (sammana). Once we realized that we are individual then only we can see
our self different from others. In other words, respect means right evaluation, to be evaluated
as I am. If we respect a human being on the basis of 'I', following things are true for every
human being:
1. I want happiness and prosperity. The other too wants to be continuously happy and
prosperous!
2. To be happy, I need to understand and live in harmony at all four levels of my living. The
other also needs to understand and live in harmony at all four levels of his/ her living!
3. The activities in me ('I') are continuous, we can check this for our desires, thoughts and
expectations. It is the same for the other 'I' as well. The activities are continuous there as well,
and the other too has continuous desires, thoughts and expectations!
When we see the above, what can we conclude? The other person also feels quite like me!
There are so many similarities! Let us put down these similarities, in order:
1. We both want to have continuous happiness and prosperity. Our basic aspiration is the
same.
2. We both need to have the right understanding, which is to understand and live in harmony
at all four levels of our living. Our program of action is the same.
3. The activities and powers of the self are continuous and the same in both of us - at the level
of 'I'. Our potential is the same.
Based on these three evaluations we can conclude that, the other is similar to me. When we
are able to see that the other is similar to me, we are able to recognize the feeling of respect in
the relationship. If not, we either hold ourselves, more or less than the other and this only leads
to differentiation.
Differentiation in Human Relationship
Today, we are differentiating in the name of respect. We either differentiate people on the basis
of their body, on the basis of their wealth and possessions or on the basis of their beliefs. There
is no notion of respect in terms of right evaluation. Thus, there is no real feeling of relationship,
only one of differentiation.
On the basis of body
• Sex/gender: We ignore the fact that being male or female is an attribute of the body,
and not an attribute at the level of ‘I’. And differentiate in giving respect on the basis
of gender called male and females. In many countries, people even prefer a male child
to a female child, and in some other societies, the other way round.
• Race: If the person is of the same race as oneself, then we treat them differently. For
example, we differentiate on the basis of skin colour – white, brown, black etc. or on
the basis of whether the person is of Aryan race, Mongolian race etc. or on the basis of
caste. Again here, we don’t do the evaluation on the basis of ‘I’, but on the basis of the
body.
• Age: We have notions such as ‘one must respect elders’. There is no such notion as
respect youngsters. Here, we see that we are again evaluating at the level of the body –
age is related to the body, and not to ‘I’.
• Physical strength: If someone is stronger, we again treat him/her differently. This is
again at the level of the body. In fact, we think that we are respecting the other while it
is fear; the fear that if we do not treat them like this, we will be harmed.
On the basis of physical facilities
• Wealth: We differentiate people because some have wealth than others. What we term
as a “rich person” gets idolized. We don’t even bother to find out whether such people
are feeling prosperous, or if they just have wealth. This way, we are over-evaluating
physical facilities first, which are just meant to fulfil the needs of the body, and then on
this basis, we are wrongly identifying our relationship.
• Post: We try to respect on the basis of a person’s position. The post is wrongly
evaluated as the mark of a person’s excellence and differentiation sets in. The post is
considered important either on the basis that it gives more physical facilities or on the
basis that certain positions are assumed to be important. In our education, we are trained
directly or indirectly to earn posts for us to fetch respect.
On the basis of beliefs
• ‘Isms’: ‘Ism’ means any belief in terms of a ‘thought-system’ that we have, or that we
have adopted. There are also many modern ‘isms’ such as capitalism, socialism,
communism, etc. The people following these sets of beliefs are called capitalists,
socialists, communists, and so on. The people that have adopted them or are following
them have been exposed to them since childhood. Believing theirs to be the right belief.
However, all beliefs, as we have seen are at the level of desires, thoughts and
expectations (selections) in ‘I’. There is no definiteness at this level, and hence, this
becomes a cause for differentiation.
• Sects: People of one sect only consider those with a similar belief system to be their
‘own’ and worthy of respect. Following a particular tradition, or what we call as
religion, becomes the basis of respect and disrespect in relationship.
Discrimination leads to acrimony in relationships
Differentiation based on sex/gender: Issue of women’s rights, and women protesting and
demanding for equality in education, in jobs, and in peoples’ representation. People are
insecure and afraid of one another based on their gender.
Differentiation based on race: there are many movements and protect against racial
discrimination and demands for equality, racial attacks, movements against cast discrimination
has people living in fear of such racism, racist attacks, casteism and discrimination.
Differentiation based on age: Protests and movements demanding for equal rights for
children on the one hand and for rights for elderly people on the other, generation gap
Differentiation based on wealth: Class struggle and movements to do away with class-
differentiation. Many people suffering from a lack of self-esteem and some even committing
suicide,
Differentiation based on post: Protests against high handed government officials. At the level
of the individual, leads to depression, etc.
Differentiation based on ’isms: Fights, turmoil, terrorism and war, people converting from
one Ism to another in order to be able to get more respect.
Differentiation based on sects: Countless religions and sects and each sect has its own
movement to ensure that there is no discrimination against people of their belief. Demands for
special provisions in jobs and in education.
Respect and differentiation.
Difference between respect and differentiation
Respect Differentiation
1. Respect is right evaluation. 1. Differentiation is lack of understanding of
respect.
2. Respect for others is generated by 2. This differentiation can take the form of:
the right evaluation and understanding Gender bias, Generation gap, Caste
which leads to fulfilment in struggle, Power play and domination, Communal
relationships. This further creates a violence, Clash of race, religion, class struggle
sense of respect among people etc.
3. This leads to the escalation in the problems of
society which further lowers the respect shown to
others in society.
Trust - The Foundational Value in Relationship
Trust or vishwas is the foundational value in relationship. “To be assured that each human
being inherently wants oneself and the other to be happy and prosperous” is known as trust.
Mutual trust is a shared belief that we can depend on each other to achieve a common purpose.
Trust is the expectation of people that they can rely on our word. It is built through integrity
and consistency in relationships. There are two aspects in trust:
1. Intention (wanting to – our natural acceptance)
2. Competence (being able to do)
Both intention and competence are the aspects of trust. Intention is what one aspires for (our
natural acceptance) and competence is the ability to fulfil the aspiration. In intention every
human being wants to do what is right, only the competence may be lacking which needs to be
developed through proper understanding and practice. But what we are doing today is that
when we are judging our self we are judging on the basis of our intention, whereas, when we
are judging the other we are judging him on the basis of his competence.
We trust our own intention while we are not ready to trust the others intention. It is the same
for other as well. We find that while we look at our intention, we are sure of it, we are not sure
of the other’s intention. We are actually seeing their competence, and making a conclusion on
their intention. When we are judging our self we are judging on the basis of our intention,
whereas, when we are judging the other we are judging him on the basis of his competence.
Hence, mistrust is born and we deny the relationship. We seldom look at our competence and
other’s intention.
It is very important to differentiate between intention and competence. If we have trust on
intention, we have a feeling of being related to the other and we start helping the other to
improve his competence, if he does not have enough. If we have trust in the other, we are able
to see the other as a relative and not as an adversary. We then become ready to help the other.
Intentions are always correct; it is only the competence that is lacking, which can be improved
by right understanding.
Family Is The Basic Unit Of Human Interaction.
The family is the basic unit of human interaction it is the anchor that roots us it gives us
both roots to hold and wings to fly. It is not surprising that children who grow up in happy
families are more successful and well-adjusted in life. Family relations can give us strength to
face the world. How wonderful it feels to return to a happy home after a hard day at work? Our
family can be our sounding board to bounce off creative ideas, our greatest supporter during
adversity and the source of unconditional love. Now imagine a situation where there are very
unpleasant relations at homebitter fights, jealousies and the blame game being played out!
A person would actually hate going home of such an oppressive atmosphere. Family feuds can
cause depression, anxiety, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, sadness, confusion and rage. No one
wants to live like that! Hence, it’s essential to turn family feuds into family fun.
"Relationship - between one 'Jeevan' and the other 'Jeevan'." (‘I’ & ‘I’)
Once we have recognized the existence of human relationships, we are subsequently able to
identify the feelings (values). When we work and behave according to these feelings, it leads
to fulfilment of both sides in the relationship, i.e. it leads to mutual fulfilment. Evaluation is a
natural process when we live in relationships and we constantly evaluating ours' and the other's
feelings in the relationship. For example, trust is wanted in a relationship and if there is a mutual
feeling of trust, then it leads to mutual fulfilment and there are no complaints. But if there is
doubt on the other, the happiness in relationship is missing. It is not possible to create the
relationships that are existent in a family. We are naturally born into this. In a similar way, the
family has not invented the social dependencies in which it exists. The family exists naturally
as a part of this social web of interdependency. So, we are embedded in relationships, they are
there and all that we need to do is to recognize them and understand.
Feeling of love the basis of undivided society. (Akhanda Samaja)
Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In other words, love is a
feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend. This
feeling or value is also called the complete value since this is the feeling of relatedness to all
human beings. It starts with identifying that one is related to the other human being (the feeling
of affection) and it slowly expands to the feeling of being related to all human beings. The
feeling of love leads to an undivided society, it starts from a family and slowly expands to the
world family in the form of love. The feeling of being related to every human being leads to
our participation in an undivided society (Akhanda Samaja). With the understanding of values
in human relationships, we are able to recognize the connectedness with every individual
correctly, and fulfil it. When we understand the value in relationship with other units in nature
too, we are able to recognize our connectedness with them to, and fulfil it. This enables us to
participate in the universal human order (Sarvabhaum Vyavastha).
Foundation Value in Human Relationship
There are certain basic and important values in maintaining relationship. These values, we all
know, are the backbone of health and happy family relations. The feelings, emotions,
sentiments and respect all are of real importance. These values lead to elimination of friction
and establishment of total harmony in relationship on long term basis. Values that are important
in any relationship are:
1. Trust: Trust or vishwas is the foundational value in relationship. “To be assured
that each human being inherently wants oneself and the other to be happy and
prosperous.” If we have trust in the other, we are able to see the other as a relative and not
as an adversary.
2. Respect: Respect means individuality. The sense of individuality is prime object.
This is the first basic step towards respect (samman). Once we realized that we are
individual then only we can see our self different from others. In other words, respect
means right evaluation, to be evaluated as I am.
3. Affection: Affection is the feeling of being related to the other. Affection comes
when I recognize that we both want to make each other happy and both of us are similar.
4. Care: The feeling of care is the feeling to nurture and protect the body of our
relative. Or in other words a state of mind in which one is troubled; worry, anxiety, or
concern is called care.
5. Guidance: The feeling of ensuring right understanding and feelings in the other
(my relative) is called guidance. We understand the need of self (‘I’) for right
understanding and feelings. We also understand that the other is similar to me in his/her
faculty of natural acceptance, desire of wanting continuous happiness and the program of
living in harmony at all the four levels.
6. Reverence: The feeling of acceptance of excellence in the other is called
reverence. When we see that the other has achieved this excellence- which means to
understand and to live in harmony at all the levels of living ensuring continuity of
happiness, we have a feeling of reverence for him/her.
7. Glory: Each one of us wants to live with continuous happiness and prosperity. Each
one of us has the similar faculty of natural acceptance, has the same goal and program and
we have the same potential to realize this. Glory is the feeling for someone who has made
efforts for excellence.
8. Gratitude: Gratitude is the feeling of acceptance for those who have made efforts
for my excellence. Gratitude is an emotion that occurs after people receive help, depending
on how they interpret the situation.
9. Love: Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In other
words, love is a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent,
child, or friend. This feeling or value is also called the complete value since this is the
feeling of relatedness to all human beings. It starts with identifying that one is related to
the other human being (the feeling of affection) and it slowly expands to the feeling of
being related to all human beings.
The above mentioned values are the core of all relations. One has to follow all to gain on the
day to day problems. These values are intrinsic and available in every person. We need to find
out in ourselves and implement. Without implementation, one cannot think of a strong family
relation.
If You Trust Everybody, People Will Take Undue Advantage of You - Error in This
Statement
The basic error is that if we trust everybody people will not take undue advantage of me. On
the contrary, it gives us inner strength and we become far more effective in interacting with
and “dealing with different people”. This is simply because, we already are sitting with the
knowledge of what the person truly wants, truly intends, even though the person may not know
this himself/herself! Hence, our ability to interact with people becomes far more effective and
in the process, we don’t get hurt, we don’t get disturbed, we end up becoming an aid to the
other. In other words, becoming aware, having the right understanding, living with the
assurance in relationship does not mean becoming “stupid”! It only makes us, more competent.
Further, what is being said here is that we have trust on the intention of everyone, but, when it
comes to making a program with someone, I evaluate my competence, and I evaluate his
competence and make the program accordingly. This makes me more effective.
Five dimensions of human endeavour in society conducive to ‘manaviya vyavastha’
Comprehensive human goals are right understanding, prosperity, fearlessness and co-
existence. Programs needed to achieve the comprehensive human goals are:
1. Education – Right Living (Siksha – Sanskar)
2. Health – Self Regulation (Svasthya – Sanyam)
3. Justice – Preservation (Nyaya – Suraksha)
4. Production – Work (Utpadan – Kriya)
5. Exchange – Storage (Vinimaya – Kosh)
Education – Right Living: Education refers to understanding harmony at all four levels of
living. While right living refers to commitment and preparedness to live in harmony at all four
levels of living.
Health – Self Regulation: Sanyama refers to a feeling of responsibility for nurturing,
protecting and rightly utilizing the body. When the body is fit to act according to the needs of
the self (‘I’), and, there is harmony among the parts of the body, it is referred to as health or
svasthya.
Justice – Preservation: Justice (nyaya) refers to harmony in the relationship between human
beings, while preservation (suraksha) refers to harmony in the relationship between human
being and the rest of nature.
Exchange – Storage: Exchange (vinimaya) refers to the exchange of physical facilities
between the members of the society, while storage (kosha) refers to the storage of physical
facilities that is left after fulfilling the needs of the family.
We can now see how these five dimensions of humanistic society are able to ensure the human
goal:
Education – Right living leads to Right understanding
Having the process of education and right living leads to right understanding in the individual.
Health – Self-regulation leads to Prosperity
Having the program for health and sanyam leads to well-being of the body, and identification
of need for physical facilities which along with production ensures feeling of prosperity in the
family.
Justice – Preservation leads to Fearlessness and Co-existence (respectively)
Ensuring justice in relationship, or mutual fulfilment in relationship on the basis of values like
Trust, Respect, etc. leads to fearlessness in society, while Suraksha of nature – via enrichment,
protection and right utilization leads to co-existence in nature.
Production – Work leads to Prosperity and Co-existence
Production and work are for physical facilities, and this leads to a feeling of prosperity in the
family. Production is done in harmony with nature, and hence, this also leads to co-existence
with nature.
Exchange – Storage leads to Prosperity and Fearlessness
When we store and exchange for mutual fulfilment and not for exploitation, then it leads to
fearlessness (trust) in society.
Abhaya means fearlessness; it is a permanent state where there is no question of ever
experiencing any fear. A person with abhaya is continuously aware of his own reality; for him
to become subject of fear would be impossible. We should not consider this quality of abhaya
as just the absence of fear. The fearlessness in the society begins from the individual. We need
to ensure right understanding in the individual as the foundation of harmony in the society.
With right understanding, the need for physical facilities in the family can be ascertained. By
assessing our needs correctly and by producing more than required the family can be
prosperous. Assurance of right understanding in the individuals and prosperity in the families,
understanding of human relationships leads to harmony and trust (fearlessness) in the society.
When every individual is able to live harmoniously in relationship, and the needs of all the
families are ensured, fearlessness (mutual trust) in society will naturally follow. Thus, the state
of absence of fear at society level will only be achieved when we have right understanding at
individual level and prosperity at the level of family.
Comprehensive Human Goal
In order to facilitate the fulfilment of the basic aspirations of all human beings in the society,
the following human goal needs to be understood in a comprehensive manner:
1. Right understanding is necessary for the human beings, for all human beings. When
one does not have the right understanding, one remains disturbed and also acts in a manner
so as to create disharmony with other human being as well as with rest of nature.
2. Prosperity is needed in every family. Prosperity in the family means that the family is
able to identify its needs and is able to produce/ achieve more than its requirements.
3. Trust in society means every member of society feels related to everyone else and
therefore there is trust and fearlessness.
4. Co-existence in nature means there is a relationship and complementarity among all
the entities in nature including human beings.
This is the comprehensive human goal. With little exploration, we find that all four are required
for human society. We are not satisfied with anything less than this. This is the basic minimum
requirement to ensure sustainable happiness and prosperity. We can't cut down any of them.
This is the minimum level that each one of us wants, and also the maximum we can think of.
We can't think of anything more than this. This is the target for each one of us, the whole human
race and the human tradition. The moment we leave anyone of them out, there will be loss of
continuity, and the goal cannot be achieved.
Right understanding in the individuals is the basis for harmony in the family, which is
the building block for harmony in the society.
1. The harmony in the society begins from the individual. We need to ensure right
understanding in the individual as the foundation of harmony in the society.
2. With right understanding, the need for physical facilities in the family can be
ascertained. By assessing our needs correctly and by producing more than required the
family can be prosperous.
3. Assurance of right understanding in the individuals and prosperity in the families,
understanding of human relationships leads to harmony and trust (fearlessness) in the
society. When every individual is able to live harmoniously in relationship, and the needs
of all the families are ensured, fearlessness (mutual trust) in society will naturally follow.
4. When human beings with right understanding interact with nature, it will be in
consonance with the coexistence and will be mutually enriching.
We may also understand it in the following sequence. 1. Right understanding 2. Prosperity
3. Fearlessness (trust) 4. Co-existence
Universal Human Order (Sarvabhauma Vyavastha)
The Universal Human Order (sarvabhauma vyawastha) is the state of realizing the freedom of
individual in context of this universe. The respect towards mankind and nature is must to
establish the universal order. Having understood the comprehensive human goal, we are able
to be in harmony not only with human beings, but also with the rest of nature. We are able to
see that we are related to every unit in the nature and ensure mutual fulfilment in that
relationship.
Working on the five dimensions of human endeavour in the light of right understanding, we
are able to work for an orderly living of the human society, whose foundational unit is the
family and the final destination is the world family.
Universal Human Order (Sarvabhauma Vyavastha) - feeling of being related to every unit
including human beings and other entities of nature.
Undivided society (Akhanda samaja) - feeling of being related to every human being. An
undivided human centric society is one of the higher human goals. Akhanda samaj is the state
of the society where all people of different religion and thought process live together and work
towards betterment of the society.
Three activities can be performed to send the message of a holistic society:
1. Educating society through workshops, seminars and street plays: this is about
organizing workshops, seminars and street plays at various levels in society. The activity
may be carried out by N.G.O.'s but must receive the support of government organizations.
These activities can be categorized into three types which include –
Knowing the self,
Knowing the existence on basis of self,
Knowing the definite human conduct which is contribution of self in existence.
2. Value education in educational institutions: value education should be introduced in
current education system at all levels - primary school, secondary school, senior secondary
school as well as college level.
3. Helping to apply values to the real world: organizations - both government and non-
government should open up counselling centres which can help their employees or general
public to apply values to real life situations. It is about realizing the alternatives in life. Various
individuals are on the way of self exploration, finding their natural acceptance towards holistic
approach of life and realizing it at all levels starting from self (with knowledge) to family (with
meaningful relationships), then to society (education - health - production - business -
services). The idea is not to live in isolation or individualism but with expansion of SELF to
higher levels in the social system.
Enriching the Orders of Nature.
In nature, there are four different kinds of entities. One of entity includes materials, the other
kind is plants, herbs, etc., the third kind has animals and birds and the fourth kind includes
human beings. When we look at their interrelationship, we find that the materials, plants and
animals are enriching for the others including human beings. There is cyclic and enriching
process in nature, and based on this process production is naturally taking place in the nature.
Humans only have to understand this feature of nature. The purpose of science and technology
is to facilitate the cyclic processes in nature and make human beings more and more fulfilling
to the other entities. But we will find that human beings are neither enriching (fulfilling) for
humans nor for the other three kinds of entities. If only we understand the processes in nature,
we can design our production systems through application of science and technology in such a
way that this fulfilment is better ensured, rather than disturbing it.
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