LESSON 4_PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

Reading: ENCOURAGEMENT 101: The Courage to be Imperfect

By: Timothy D. Evans, Ph. D.
Encouragement is the key ingredient for improving your relationships with others. It is the
single most important skill necessary for getting along with others- so important that the lack of it
could be considered the primary cause of conflict and misbehavior. Encouragement develops a
person’s psychological hardiness and social interest. Encouragement is the lifeblood of a
relationship. And yet, this simple concept is often very hard to put into practice. Encouragement is
not anew idea. Its spiritual connotation dates back to the Bible in Hebrews 3:11 which states:
Encourage one another daily.”
Encouragement, as a psychological idea, was developed by psychiatrist Alfred Adler in the
early 20th century and continued to evolve through the work of Adler’s follower Rudolph Dreikurs.
However, even today, relatively new educators, parents, psychologists, leaders or couples have
utilized this valuable concept. Most of the time, people mistakenly use a technique like praise in an
effort to “encourage” others. Half the job of encouragement lies in avoiding discouraging words and
actions. When children or adults misbehave, it is usually because they are discouraged. Instead of
building them up, we tear them down: instead of recognizing their efforts and improvements, we
point out mistakes: instead of allowing them to belong through shared decision-making and
meaningful contributions, we isolate and label them. Most of us are skilled discouragers. We have
learned how to bribe, reward and, when that fails, to punish, criticize, nag, threaten, interrogate and
emotionally withdraw.
We do this as an attempt to control those we love, bolstered by the mistaken belief that we
are responsible for the behavior of everyone around us, especially our spouses and children. These
attempts to control behavior create atmospheres of tension and conflict in many houses. Most
commonly, we discourage in five several ways:
• We set standards that are too high for others to meet because we are overly ambitious.
• We focus on mistakes as a way to motivate change or improved behavior. • We make
constant comparisons (self to other, siblings to one another).
• We automatically give a negative spin to the actions of others.
• We dominate others by being overly helpful, implying that they are unable to do it as well.
Encouragement is not a technique nor is it a special language used to gain compliance.
Encouragement conveys the idea that all human beings are worthwhile, simply because they exist.
In one sentence, Mr. Rogers does more for a child’s sense of adequacy than a hundred instances
of praise when he says, “I like you just the way you are.”
Not I like you when you do it well enough, fast enough and get it all correct. Encouragement
develops children’s psychological hardiness—their ability to function and recover when things aren’t
going their way. Encouragement enhances a feeling of belonging which leads to grater social interest
Social interest is the tendency for the people to unite themselves with other human beings and to
accomplish their task in cooperation with others.
The Junior League mission of “developing the potential of women and improving communities
through the effective action and leadership of trained volunteers” is rooted in the idea of social
interest. The first step to becoming an encouraging person is to learn to distinguish encouragement
from discouragement. As a rule, ask yourself: Whatever I say or do, will it bring me closer together
or farther apart from this person?
Source:http//[Link]/portal/[Link]-theory/84 encouragement-101-
thecourage-to-be-imperfect
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 Ways to Become a Responsible Adolescent Prepared for Adult Life
Becoming responsible and being able to make good choices are very important traits no
matter what developmental stage you are in. It holds true for adolescents especially that they are
just beginning to internalize and imbibe virtues, values, and other essential qualities. It may not be
easy to be a teenager. There may be lots of things going on in various facets of their lives. The
demands and expectations of their parents and other people around them can also be stressful. But
the good news is, they can treat these ‘difficulties’ as ‘challenges’ which can make their life exciting.
Having that mindset is also an indication of becoming a responsible and mentally mature adolescent.
Eight (8) simple rules which could help you, teenagers, to become a responsible adolescent
who is prepared for adult life:
1. Focus on your studies and do well in all of your endeavors. There is time for everything.
2. Take care of your health and hygiene. Healthy body and mind are important as you journey
through adolescence.
3. Establish good communication and relation with your parents or guardian. Listen to them.
This may be easier said than done at this stage, but creating good relationship with them will do you
good as they are the ones you can lean on especially in times of trouble.
4. Think a lot before doing something. Evaluate probable consequences before acting.
Practice self-control and self-discipline.
5. Choose to do the right thing. There are plenty of situations in which it is better to use your
mind rather than your heart.
6. Do your best to resist temptations, bad acts, and earthly pleasures and commit to being a
responsible adolescent.
7. Respect yourself. You are an adult in the making. Do not let your teenage hormones get
into you. If you respect yourself, others will respect you too.
8. Be prepared to be answerable or accountable for your actions and behavior. It is a part of
growing up and becoming an adult.

Physical Development
 Most girls have completed the physical changes related to puberty by age 15.
 Boys are still maturing and gaining strength, muscle mass, and height and
are completing the development of sexual traits.
Emotional Development
 May stress over school and test scores.
 Is self- involved (may have high expectations and low self-concept).
 Seek privacy and time alone.
 Is concerned about physical and sexual attractiveness.
 May complain of parents preventing him or her from doing things
independently.
 Starts to want both physical and emotional intimacy in relationships.
 Try the experience of intimate partnerships.
Social Development
 Shifts in relationship with parents from dependency and subordination to one
that reflects the adolescent’s increasing maturity and responsibilities in the
family and community,
 Is more and more aware of social behaviors of friends.
 Seek friends that share the same beliefs, values and interests.
 Friends become more important.
  Starts to have more intellectual interest.
 Explores romantic and sexual behaviors with others.
 May be influenced by peers to try risky behaviors (alcohol, tobacco, sex).
Mental Development
 Becomes better able to set goals and think in terms of the future.
 Has a better understanding of complex problems and issues.
 Start to develop moral ideals and to select role models.

QUIZ
Instruction: Answer the following questions. Use ½ crosswise as answer sheet. ANSWER ONLY.
Part I. Write TRUE if the statement is correct and FALSE if it is incorrect.
1. Encouragement is considered the most important skill for getting along with others.
2. The lack of encouragement can be a major cause of conflict and misbehavior.
3. Praise and encouragement always mean the same thing.
4. According to the reading, people often discourage others without realizing it.
5. Alfred Adler developed encouragement as a psychological concept.
6. Encouragement aims to control people’s behavior through rewards and punishment.
7. Setting unrealistically high standards can discourage others.
8. Adolescents should view difficulties as challenges to help them mature.
9. Respecting oneself helps others respect you as well.
10. Peer influence has no effect on adolescent behavior.

Part II. Identify the term or concept being described.

11. The key ingredient for improving relationships with others.
12. The psychiatrist who introduced encouragement as a psychological idea.
13. Adler’s follower who continued developing the concept of encouragement.
14. The tendency of people to cooperate and unite with others for common goals.
15. A discouraging behavior that involves focusing mainly on mistakes.
16. The stage of life where individuals begin preparing for adult responsibilities.
17. The ability to evaluate consequences before acting.
18. A developmental area where adolescents seek privacy and emotional intimacy.
19. A developmental aspect where friends become more important than before.
20. The developmental domain where adolescents set goals and think about the future.