Module 3 Assign 2.

3: Personal Multi-Paragraph Composition

Trevor Lee
English 10

Writing Process Template

Purpose: share my tragic accident and the Audience: my peers (teenagers)

procedure, I had to overcome.
Topic: How happy our ordinary life is. Format: Narrative Essay
Brainstorming Strategies
List Ideas: Mind Map: Take key ideas and develop them
Tragic accident into a mind map
Multiple Surgeries Personal Tragic Accident  Overcome the
Hospitalization for a year obstacle by other’s help and sacrifice, in
Recovering for years. addition to, my own will. Realize the
Mother’s love meaning of life  I am still in the middle of
How grateful routine daily life is recovery process  aware happiness
Gratefulness gives meaning of life
Aware the meaning of life produce happiness

Sequence Organizer

Title: An accident has changed my life

Theme While overcoming life threating brain injury, I realize the meaning of life
Statement:
Sequence
1 Start with accident details
2 Mention thesis statement: How I realize the meaning of life while overcoming
the accident
3 Waking up from the unconsciousness
4 Struggling with severe pain and weakening motor skills.
5 Regaining my normal health and coming back to school life
6 Still have to deal with headache and little bit of mood swing
7 In this process how I aware the true meaning of life
8 Gratefulness is a key factor to be a happy man.

Outline
 General Statement
A tragic accident has changed my course of life forever.

Thesis Sentence
(Subject and attitude, use a complete sentence)
Ironically, in the middle of severe pain, I found myself having stronger will to live than ever
and realized how happy I had been without pain before the accident.

Point 1 Point 2 Point 3

Recover form a month-long A year-long rehabilitation Still in medication to control
unconsciousness. headache and minor mood
swing.
Specifics for Support Specifics for Support Specifics for Support
First memory from Getting better itself is Came back to School
recovering happiness
Mother’s strong will Realizing other’s love and A year-long break was bigger
care encourage me at first but got smaller
Most pain ever Somewhat spoiled also Start have regular middle
school life
Just want to out of pain Still in pain but not sever as Still have to visit hospital
before. once a six month
Miss my daily routine before Start to meet friends and Walking down the street,
the accident relatives. How precious they bicycling on the road,
are to me running on treadmill, every
tiny thing becomes greateful
Mad at first, but strong will
at later

First Draft
Crossing a busy street in Busan, the second largest city in Korea, I saw the gigantic bus rushing
to me. After that moment, I cannot remember. My mom got a phone call from a police officer
and she ran to the emergency room. A doctor said to my mother that there was too much
blood in my brain, so it was not worth to operate. Mom crazily made several phone calls to
different hospital where a doctor was willing to operate my brain. Luckily, Dr. Kim in Baek
hospital, who was my mom’s friend in their high school year, answered my mom’s call. He
warned my mom that I would highly likely suffer multiple kinds of brain damage after the
surgery. Only hope was that I was very young, mere sixth grade. I don’t remember almost
anything between the accident and my recovery. A month after the surgery, I regained my
consciousness. Almost for a week, I had difficulty to move my fingers. Since then, my struggling
to recover to normal teenager’s health had begun. And I found my own meaning of my life
during my struggling.

About a month since re-grab my consciousness, I was in sever pains in my brain, neck, and back
although my doctor prescribed very strong pain-killer. Only thing I could do was crying. In the
middle of the severe pain, I still don’t know why there were some moments I felt numb. Those
numb moments were the happiest time in the hospital because I didn’t have any pain in those
numb moments. When another pain came after short period of numb moment, I had nothing to
do but waiting for another precious numb moment. When I think of those days, it wasn’t easy
to be happy. Just pain control medicine and some numb moment drove me into the happy
world. My mom always said to me that I would fully recover from the brain damage. Actually,
she seemed to truly believe that. Due to her strong will and positive attitude, I could have some
happy moment.

When my rate of pain was decreased from 10 to 1, I had to boost the power to all muscles in
my body. I had been a child with lots of energy. I was in a member of school basketball team
and soccer team. I could swim 1000m without any shortening the breath before the accident.
My body, however, was like an eighty-year old’s. After walking hundreds steps, I had to rest,
and my muscles in all part of body sent the signal of tardiness. My friends began to pay visit, I
eagerly wanted to run and swim like them. When they talked about school PE class and millions
people in beach, I was dying to be there. The meaning of life while my recovering was to move
like my friends. It was that simple to be satisfied.

A year long hospitalization, I gained my physical power and, even, much taller than a year ago.
Nobody could figure out that I was in life and death situation only a year ago until I showed my
big scar on my head. I had to, however, take several pills for another year. Those pills made me
numb. I had been very happy whenever I was numb in hospital; but this same numbness drove
me crazy. With the medicine, I couldn’t concentrate on reading, studying, and talking. Further, a
yearlong absent from school lets me place in dumbest student of my classroom. Families,
friends and teachers didn’t seem to want to bother me. Everybody tried to kind to me. Of
course, I took advantage from the situation. I felt I was degrading mentally and physically. At
least, I was happy sometimes in hospital, but in school, I wasn’t happy any single moment.
In the middle of pain and in the rehabilitation, I was happy because my confidence to be a
better was high, and my small accomplishment encouraged my morale. Happiness was easy
because I didn’t want to much. Ironically, it was easier to be happy in the middle of pain. Now, I
don’t have any pain and physical tardiness, but it is more complicate to be happy. I think that is
the way of life.
Second Draft

Crossing a busy street in Busan, the second largest city in Korea, I saw the gigantic bus rushing
to me. After that moment, I cannot remember. My mom got a phone call from a police officer
and she ran to the emergency room. A doctor in the emergency room said to my mother that
there was too much blood in my brain, so it was too late to operate. Mom crazily made several
phone calls to different hospitals where a doctor was willing to operate my brain. Luckily, Dr.
Kim in Baek hospital, who was my mom’s friend in their high school year, answered my mom’s
call. He warned my mom that I would highly likely suffer multiple kinds of brain damage after
the surgery. Only hope was that I was very young and healthy. I don’t remember almost
anything between the accident and my recovery. A month after the surgery, I regained my
consciousness. Almost for a week, I had difficulty to move my fingers. Since then, my struggling
to recover to normal teenager’s health had begun. And I found my own meaning of my life
during my struggling.

About a month since re-grab my consciousness, I was in sever pains in my brain, neck, and back
although my doctor prescribed very strong pain-killer. Only thing I could do was crying. In the
middle of the severe pain, I still don’t know why there were some moments I felt numb. Those
numb moments were the happiest time in the hospital because I didn’t have any pain in those
numb moments. When another pain came after short period of numb moment, I had nothing to
do but waiting for another precious numb moment. When I think of those days, it wasn’t easy
to be happy. Just pain control medicine and some numb moment drove me into the happy
world. My mom always said to me that I would fully recover from the brain damage. Actually,
she seemed to truly believe that. Due to her strong will and positive attitude, I could have some
happy moment.

When my rate of pain was decreased from 10 to 1, I had to boost the power to all muscles in
my body. I had been a child with lots of energy. I was in a member of school basketball team
and soccer team. I could swim 1000m without any shortening the breath before the accident.
My body, however, was like an eighty-year old’s. After walking hundreds steps, I had to rest,
and my muscles in all part of body sent the signal of tardiness. My friends began to pay visit, I
eagerly wanted to run and swim like them. When they talked about school PE class and millions
people in beach, I was dying to be there. The meaning of life while my recovering was to move
like my friends. It was that simple to be satisfied.

A year long hospitalization, I gained my physical power and, even, much taller than a year ago.
Nobody could figure out that I was in life and death situation only a year ago until I showed my
big scar on my head. I had to, however, take several pills for another year. Those pills made me
numb. I had been very happy whenever I was numb in hospital; but this same numbness drove
me crazy. With the medicine, I couldn’t concentrate on reading, studying, and talking. Further, a
yearlong absent from school lets me place in dumbest student of my classroom. Families,
friends and teachers didn’t seem to want to bother me. Everybody tried to kind to me. Of
course, I took advantage from the situation. I felt I was degrading mentally and physically. At
least, I was happy sometimes in hospital, but in school, I wasn’t happy any single moment.
In the middle of pain and in the rehabilitation, I was happy because my confidence to be a
better was high, and my small accomplishment encouraged my morale. Happiness was easy
because I didn’t want to much. Ironically, it was easier to be happy in the middle of pain. Now, I
don’t have any pain and physical tardiness, but it is more complicate to be happy. I think that is
the way of life.
Editing: Checklist
Criteria Self-Assessment: Teacher
have you done
this?
Uses proper sentence format, including capitalization Yes
and periods.
Uses a variety of sentence types Yes
Presents each idea in paragraph format Yes
Presents ideas in a logical order Yes
Supports ideas with facts, evidence, and/or descriptive Yes
details
Provides an effective opening and conclusion Yes
Shows agreement in use of verbs and pronouns Yes
Uses verb tenses properly Yes
Uses punctuation correctly, including commas, Yes
quotation marks, periods, question marks, and
exclamation marks
Uses correct word forms Yes
Presented in typed or legible handwriting Yes
Final Draft

Walking on a crosswalk of a busy street in Busan, the second largest city in Korea, I glimpsed
the gigantic bus rushing to me. After that moment, I cannot remember. My mom got a phone
call from a police officer and she ran to the emergency room. A doctor in the emergency room
said to my mother that there was too much blood in my brain, so it was too late to operate.
Mom crazily made several phone calls to different hospitals where a doctor was willing to
operate my brain. Luckily, Dr. Kim in Baek hospital, who was my mom’s friend in their high
school year, answered my mom’s call and said that he would try. He warned my mom that I
would highly likely suffer multiple kinds of brain damage after the surgery. Positive side of the
operation was that I was very young and healthy. I don’t remember anything between the
accident and my recovery, but I don’t know why, I asked my mom the moment of accident, the
urgency in emergency room, and the surgery. A month after the surgery, I regained my
consciousness. Almost for a week, I had difficulty to move my fingers. Since then, time
consuming process of recovery had begun; and I found my own meaning of my life during my
struggling.

About a month since regain my consciousness, I was in severe pains in my brain, neck, and back
although my doctor prescribed very strong pain-killer. Only thing I could do was crying. In the
middle of the severe pain, there were some moments I felt numb. Those numbness moments
were the happiest time in the hospital because I didn’t have any pain in those moments. When
another pain came after short period of numbness moment, I had nothing to do but waiting for
another precious numbness. When I think of those days, it wasn’t hard to be happy. Just pain
control medicine and some numbness drove me into the happy world. Further, my mom always
said to me that I would fully recover from the brain damage. Actually, she seemed to truly
believe that. Without her strong will and positive attitude, the glimpse moment of numbness
was not that happy. Her strong will endowed me positive hope, and as time goes by, the
minutes without pain became hours without pain.

When my rate of pain was decreased from 10 to 1, I had to boost the power to all muscles in
my body. I had been a child with lots of energy. I was in a member of school basketball team
and soccer team. I could swim 1000m without any shortening the breath before the accident.
My body, however, was like an eighty-year old’s. After walking hundreds steps, I had to rest
because my muscles in all part of body sent the signal of tardiness. My friends began to pay
visit, I eagerly wanted to run and swim like them. When they talked about school PE class and
millions people in beach, I was dying to be there. The meaning of life while my recovering was
to move like my friends. It was so simple to be satisfied. Positive thought, and clear and
immediate wants made my life happier

A year long hospitalization, I gained my physical power and, even, much taller than a year ago.
Nobody could figure out that I had been in life and death situation only a year ago until I
showed the big scar on my head. I had to, however, take several pills a day for another year.
Those pills made me numb. I had been very happy whenever I was numb in hospital; but this
same numbness drove me crazy. With the medicine, I couldn’t concentrate on reading,
studying, and talking. Further, a yearlong absent from school lets me place in dumbest student
of my classroom. Families, friends and teachers didn’t seem to want to bother me. Everybody
tried to kind to me. Of course, I took advantage of the situation. I felt I was degrading mentally
and physically. At least, I was happy sometimes in hospital, but in school, I wasn’t happy any
single moment. There was no positive thought and immediate wants. Sometimes, I wanted to
go back to hospital.

In the middle of pain and in the rehabilitation, I was happy because my confidence to be a
better was high, and my small accomplishment encouraged my morale. Happiness was easy
because I didn’t want to much. Ironically, it was easier to be happy in the middle of pain. Now, I
don’t have any pain and physical tardiness, but it is more complicate to be happy. I want more
various things to be satisfied. Whenever a mood swing attack me, I try to think about my time
in hospital. Being simple and being positive are two most important key to have happier life.
That is what I have learnt from my accident in my 6th grade.