Composing MODULE

Persuasive
Messages
L EAR N I NG O B J E C T IV E S
9
After reading Module 9 you will be familiar with

LO1 Persuasive appeals

LO2 Persuasive patterns of organization

By applying the information you will be able to

LO3 Choose and use persuasive strategies

LO4 Organize persuasive messages

LO5 Identify and overcome objections

LO6 Write common kinds of persuasive messages

LO7 Write effective subject lines for persuasive messages

LO8 Further analyze business communication situations

Mo d u le O utline
• What do people find persuasive?
• What are the purposes of persuasive messages?
• What kinds of persuasive messages am I likely to write?
• How do I organize persuasive messages?
• How do I identify and overcome objections?
• What’s the best subject line for a persuasive message?
• How can PAIBOC help me write persuasive messages?
Module Summary
Assignments for Module 9
Polishing Your Prose: Correcting Run-On Sentences

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 Module 9 Composing Persuasive Messages

All successful communication contains a persuasive element. Persuasive appeals permeate all parts of
our lives—from the personal to the political. Even attracting and holding your audience’s attention long
enough for you to make your pitch depends on your persuasive ability. In business, people depend on
persuasion to sell products and services, to build relationships, and to get quality work done.

LO1
What Do People FIGURE 9.1

Find Persuasive? A Persuasive Appeal

People are persuaded by their perceptions

of the trustworthiness of the messenger, and
by the emotional and logical resonances of
the message.
Credibility, emotion, and logic create the alchemy of
persuasion.
Audiences pay attention to people whom they see
as trustworthy or credible. In fact, perceptions trump
facts, as we know from experience: attractive actors and
models who peddle everything from painkillers to pizza
are really selling a story about how buying the product
will transform us. Indeed, we respond most strongly to
stories that appeal to our deepest values and beliefs,
including those beliefs that defy logic. And the more fre-
quently media present these stories, the more likely our
“buy in,” as the Kardashian empire demonstrates.
When organizations feature photos of both adorable
animals and children (Figure 9.1) the emotional appeals
(including the appeal to our positive ego needs) rein-
force the logical appeal of a monetary “gift” to support
economic self-sufficiency.

Source: Plan Canada

LO1
What Are the Purposes of
Persuasive Messages?
Persuasive messages convince the audience to comply willingly.
Persuasive messages have two primary purposes.
• To have the reader act and to overcome any objections that might prevent or delay action
• To provide enough information so that the reader knows exactly what to do

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Unit 2 Composing Business Messages

As is true of all messages, persuasive messages should also

• Establish a good impression of the writer
• Build a good image of the writer’s organization
• Build a good relationship between the writer and reader
• Reduce or eliminate future correspondence on the same subject

LO1
What Kinds of Persuasive Messages Am I
Likely to Create?
You will likely craft direct and indirect requests, reports (Unit 4), and sales pitches,
including job application letters and resumés (Unit 6). You may also write corporate
communications and promotions messages—including those distributed via social media,
tweets, and blogs.
Ex. 9.2

Social media bombard us with persuasive messages primarily selling products, services, political affilia-
tions, social mores—even lifestyles—as these examples illustrate.

FIGURE 9.2

A Persuasive Lifestyle Blog

Source: Thomas J. Bradley, [Link]

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 Module 9 Composing Persuasive Messages

FIGURE 9.3

Persuasive Blog (excerpt from Society for Editors and Proofreaders [SfEP])

While we celebrate the connectedness and speed of our access to a global

market and its clients, it’s a mistake to forget the reality of the local business
community. We must find our way into it, to explore new sources of work, to
enjoy a sense of belonging and to make space for the real products that are
words and messages.

Rosalind Davies is a copy-editor, writer and communications

consultant, and the coordinator of the Devon SfEP group. You
can find out more about projects she is involved in on her
Facebook page. You can also follow her on Twitter. She is
available, free of charge, for ribbon-cutting ceremonies.

Recommend 247 Tweet 1 Print Email

Source: Rosalind Davies

LO2
How Do I Organize Persuasive Messages?
Use PAIBOC analysis to analyze your audience’s reaction. Then organize your messages
based on your understanding of audience objections.
When you do not anticipate objections, give the message directly (Module 7). The messages in Figures 9.1
through 9.5 use the informative, direct organizational pattern because the writers understand their read-
ers’ values and anticipate a positive reaction.

FIGURE 9.4

A Direct Request

To: mantonucci@[Link]
Cc:
Request Bcc:

topic in Subject: Suggestion # 97204

subject line Request

Good morning, Michael, in para. 1

Please evaluate the attached suggestion by May 30. Specifics/

explanation
Appeals to • Should BCS adopt it? Why or why not?
recognition, • Will the company save money? If so, how much annually? Ask for
esteem • If we adopt the suggestion, what kind of award should we give? action; make
needs action easy
Please send your responses and brief reasons to me by May 31 for the committee
meeting on June 12.

Thanks!

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Unit 2 Composing Business Messages

However, when you expect resistance from the reader, use the bad news organizational pattern: start
with an objective description of the situation.

LO3
Organizing Direct Requests
Ex. 9.2, 9.6, 9.9, 9.10

Start with the request only when you anticipate ready agreement, when you fear that a busy reader may
not read a message whose relevance isn’t clear, or when your organization’s culture prefers direct requests.
1. Consider asking immediately for the information or service you want. Delay the request, however,
if you need to contextualize the message, if the message seems too abrupt, or if you have several
purposes in the message.
2. Give readers all the information and details they will need to act on your request. Number your
questions or set them off with bullets so the reader can check to see that all of them have been
answered.
In a claim (in which a product is under warranty or a shipment was defective), explain the circum-
stances so that the reader knows what happened. Be sure to include all the relevant details: date of
purchase, model or invoice number, and so on.
In more complicated direct requests, anticipate possible responses. Suppose you’re asking for infor-
mation about equipment meeting certain specifications. Explain which criteria are most important so
that the reader can recommend an alternative if no single product meets all your needs. You may also
want to tell the reader what your price constraints are and ask if the item is in stock or must be put
on special order.
3. Ask for the action you want. Do you want a sale? A cheque? A replacement? A catalogue? Answers to
your questions? If you need an answer by a certain time, say so. If possible, show the reader why the
time limit is necessary.
Depending on your purposes and audience analysis, you can simply ask for what you need. However,
do ask: don’t make the reader guess what you want.
Indirect request Is there a newer version of the 2014 Accounting Reference Manual?
Direct request If there is a newer version of the 2014 Accounting Reference Manual,
please send it to me.

In some direct requests, your combination of purposes may suggest a different pattern. For example,
in a letter asking a prospective employer to reimburse you for expenses after a job interview, you’d want
to thank your hosts for their hospitality and reinforce the good impression you made at the interview.
To do that, spend the first two paragraphs talking about the trip and the interview. In the last third of the
letter (or even in the postscript) make your request for reimbursement. A student who had not yet been
reimbursed by a company for a visit to the company’s office put the second request in the P.S. of a letter
refusing a job offer.
P.S. The cheque to cover my expenses when I visited your office in March hasn’t come
yet. Could you please check to see whether you can find a record of it? The amount was
$690, including HST (airfare, $490; hotel room, $185; taxi, $15).

Similarly, in a letter asking about a graduate program, a major purpose might be to build a good
image of yourself so that your application for financial aid will be viewed positively. To achieve that
goal, you would provide information about your qualifications and interest in the field before you ask
questions.

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 Module 9 Composing Persuasive Messages

FIGURE 9.5

A Detailed Direct Request with Persuasive Rationale

From: Kathryn Hughes Sent: September 23, 2016

To: communicore1@[Link]
Subject: FALL SPECIALS - Eaves/Gutter Cleaning, Christmas Lighting, Window Cleaning, Painting - GTA

FALL IS HERE! TIME TO PREPARE FOR WINTER!

We have begun to schedule our fall/winter services at great rates.
See below for prices and more details.

EAVES/GUTTER CLEANING PACKAGE: Complete eaves/downspout cleaning, eaves inspection also included.
Home size under 2500sq' = Only $100+HST
Home size under 3000sq' = Only $110+HST
Home size under 3500sq' = Only $130+HST
Home size under 4000sq' = Only $170+HST
Homes larger then 4000sq' = Please contact for quote.

STANDARD WASH PACKAGE: Exterior wash of windows, frames and ledges!

Home size under 2500sq' = Only $90+HST
Home size under 3000sq' = Only $100+HST
Home size under 3500sq' = Only $120+HST
Home size under 4000sq' = Only $160+HST
Homes larger then 4000sq' = Please contact for quote.
**Prices are as quoted unless your home has a 3rd storey, is a corner house or has French panes.
Please contact us if you have any of these 3 things.

COMPLETE WASH PACKAGE: Interior and Exterior wash of windows, frames, ledges, tracks and screens! BEST VALUE!
Home size under 2500sq' = Only $190+HST
Home size under 3000sq' = Only $210+HST
Home size under 3500sg' = Only $250+HST

CHRISTMAS LIGHTING SERVICES: Supply, Install & Remove Christmas Lights.

We offer complete Christmas lighting solutions, no matter how big or elaborate you want to go. Everything from roof-line
lighting and trees and shrubs, to garlands and wreaths. We can supply, rent, install and remove many different types of lights
for your home and yard. IF you’re interested in a free, no-obligation quote, please contact us through email. When
requesting a quote please remember to include your address, house size and a rough idea of the decor options
you are considering.

WHY CHOOSE AGT HOME SERVICES??

*We have been in business over 10 years serving the GTA. We are experienced, insured ($2mil & WSIB) and reliable!
*Your satisfaction is guaranteed through our excellent service initiatives and top-notch quality expectations.
*We have many great references for all the services we offer; just ask and we will provide you with more than a few.

Should you have any questions or inquiries please contact us through email or our phone numbers below. Hope to hear
from you and we look forward to another successful year thanks to your business!

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY!

AGT HOME SERVICES INC.

2084 Speers Road, Unit #5
Oakville, ON L6L 2X8
Phone: 289-878-7862 or 416-409-8303
[Link]
email: info@[Link]

WSIB#9877789
Liability insurance with Economical Insurance Corp.

Source: Courtesy of AGT Home Services Inc.

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Unit 2 Composing Business Messages

LO3
Organizing Indirect Requests
Ex. 9.5

Use the indirect (inductive or bad news) organization when you expect resistance from the reader, but
you can show that doing what you suggest will resolve the situation or solve the problem.
This pattern allows you to anticipate and overcome objections; you describe all the reasons in favour
of your position before you give your readers a chance to say no.
1. Describe the situation you share (or the problem that your request will solve). Because you’re inter-
ested in solving the problem, describe the situation objectively; it’s a waste of time and ink to assign
blame or mention personalities.
2. Detail the results of the situation as they affect your reader. Be specific about the cost in money,
time, lost goodwill, inconvenience, and so on. Persuade your readers that something must be done
before you convince them that your solution is the best one.
3. Explain your solution. If you know that the reader will favour another solution, start with that solu-
tion and show why it won’t work before you present your solution. Present your solution, focusing
on practicality, workability, and desirability without using the words I or my. Appeal to the reader’s
wallet or sense of enlightened self-interest.
4. Prove that any negative elements (cost, time, concerns, disruptions) are outweighed by the
advantages.
5. Summarize any additional benefits of the solution. You can present the main benefit—solving the
problem—briefly, since you have described the problem in detail. However, if there are any addi-
tional benefits, mention them.
6. Ask for the action you want. Often your reader will authorize or approve something; other people
will implement the action. Give your reader a reason to act promptly, perhaps offering a new reader
benefit. (“By buying now, we can avoid the next quarter’s price hikes.”)
Figure 9.6 summarizes the pattern. Figure 9.7 uses the pattern. Reader benefits (Module 10) can be
brief in this kind of message, because the biggest benefit is solving the problem.

FIGURE 9.6

How to Organize an Indirect Persuasive Message

Shared Problem

Details

Solution

Negatives

Reader Benefits

Request for Action

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FIGURE 9.7

Persuasive Message, Indirect Request

Community Living
Memorandum

To: All Employees

CC:
From: Janice Hofbauer
Date: February 15, 2016
Directed
Re: New Sign-Out System subject
line

Buffer: Our clients enjoy the times they get to go to the mall or out to lunch, instead of being here
common all day. And their daily interaction with the community is very important. Recently,
ground however, clients have been taken out on activities without staff members knowing where
the clients are or whom they are with.
Shared
problem
We need to know where clients are at all times, because social workers, psychologists,
Specific and relatives constantly stop by unannounced. Last week, a client’s parent came by to pick
example her up for an appointment. Not only was the client not here, but no one knew where
she was, or with whom. Not knowing where our clients are, and with whom, damages the
reputation of our program and our staff.

Solution Starting Monday, February 27, a sign-out board will be located at Magali’s desk. Please write
down where you and the client are going, and when you expect to return. When signing out,
help clients sign out. We can make this a learning experience for our clients. Then, when
Reader benefit visitors stop by to see someone who isn’t here, we can simply look at the sign-out board to
tell where the client is and when he or she will return.

Please help preserve the superb reputation you have helped WestRiver earn as a quality
centre for adults with handicaps. Sign clients and yourself out at all times.
Ask for action

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Unit 2 Composing Business Messages

FIGURE 9.8

Persuasive Blog with Benefits, Indirect Request

9 Ways to Connect with Your Community

It’s guest post day here at Duct Tape Marketing, and today’s guest post is from Roger Connors and Tom Smith—enjoy!
Feeling out of touch with your business community? No connection, wrangling tough relationships, regularly
brokering messy disagreements? Just how does a business owner or manager get back in touch and move the
needle on even the most stubborn issues?

With consistent, well-practiced feedback.

Feedback is a principle that, if practiced, is the key to overcoming blind spots and achieving improved results in all
aspects of your life—both personal and professional. Individually, with teams, and even entire communities and
organizations.
The key? You just have to ask for it.
But before you gather your team or blindly ask what others think of you (highly risky without a bit of practice, by
the way), consider these 9 proven tips that will help you get your head right—so you can solicit, respond to, and
use feedback to succeed in business.
1. Go after it. Feedback doesn’t just magically happen with the wave of a wand. You have to be proactive and
make it happen. Stay connected with customers or prospects by seeking feedback even when you believe
things are going great—sometimes what you think isn’t what is actually happening.
2. Have courage. Seeking constructive feedback can be scary. Remember, the person you’re asking for feedback
is already thinking about your performance; you’re just hearing what they already believe.
3. Welcome awkwardness. Remember that almost everyone fears offering feedback about as much as they fear
asking for it. People worry it will backfire, and they value their job or relationship over saying anything—which is
why momentum stalls in the first place. Revel in the discomfort and seek feedback anyway.
4. Be convincing. Assure your audience, customers, even your employees that you really do want to know what
they think. They need to know there won’t be any blowback from you if they honestly tell you how they see it.
5. Get positive. Though it might be hard to believe, it’s easier for people to offer positive rather than negative
feedback. You have to ask for constructive feedback. Try “What can we do better?” instead of “What are we
doing wrong?”
6. Listen. After asking for feedback, you need to do the hard part—listen. Listening can be difficult, but it is one
of the most meaningful steps of exchanging feedback, and it is important that you listen to everything. Then act
on what you hear that makes sense.
7. Be grateful. Don’t let constructive feedback, no matter how unpleasant, skew your view of the person who’s
giving valuable input as to how you can improve your processes. Remember, their insight could help improve
performance or efficiency. Express sincere gratitude for their willingness to share in the first place (see tip #2,
have courage).
8. Make it a habit. Make getting feedback a habit, not a one-time thing. Ask if it’s okay to follow up, even
suggesting you meet again for a reality check just to keep yourself in line.
9. Be nice. Finally, be nice to yourself and others. You can’t make any important changes overnight.

Right out of the gate you might want to select someone you’re comfortable with. Then get started by simply
asking, “What feedback do you have for me?” You might need to tag it with some context, such as “How do you
think we could have improved this product?” or “What improvements would you like to see in your campaign?”
Once you’ve listened, don’t impulsively respond with a long defensive response. Graciously and professionally say,
“Thanks for the feedback. We really appreciate it, and want to do anything we can to make your experience with our
company better.” Your gratitude will signal you aren’t defensive (even if you really are) and that you are happy they
took the time to share their opinion.

Roger Connors and Tom Smith are co-authors of a new book, The Wisdom of Oz: Using Personal
Accountability to Succeed in Everything You Do (September 2014, [Link]).
They are multiple New York Times bestselling authors and innovators of the most extensive
body of knowledge on workplace accountability ever written. Their firm, Partners In Leadership
([Link]), helps management teams facilitate large-scale cultural
transition through proven methodologies and has helped clients produce billions
of dollars in improved profitability and shareholder value.

Recommend 247 Tweet 1 Print Email

Source: Courtesy of Partners in Leadership

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 Module 9 Composing Persuasive Messages

LO5
How Do I Identify and Overcome
Objections?
Know your audience. Talk to your audience. Then try these strategies.
Ex. 9.5

The easiest way to learn about audience objections is to ask knowledgeable people in your network or
organization.
• Use open questions and phrase your questions neutrally so that people feel encouraged to express
their opinions honestly: “What concerns would you have about a proposal to do X?” “Who makes a
decision about Y?” “What do you like best about (the supplier or practice you want to change)?”
• Ask follow-up questions to be sure you understand: “Would you be likely to stay with your current
supplier if you could get a lower price from someone else? Why?”
Ex. 9.1

People are most aware of and willing to share objective constraints such as time and money. We are
all less willing to acknowledge emotional anxieties. Indeed, when we have a vested interest in some-
thing because we benefit emotionally, physically, psychologically, or financially, we struggle to keep
things as they are, even when logic dictates otherwise. Texting while driving—despite the legal penalties
and safety risks—is an example of vested interest behaviour.
Listen to find out the real reasons for your audience’s objections. If an objection is false or based on
misinformation, do one of the following:
• Give the response to the objection without naming the objection
• Present responses in a “question/answer” format
• State the objection neutrally and then respond: “Some people wonder…”; “Some clients are concerned
that…”
If real objections remain, try one or more of the following strategies to counter objections.
1. Specify how much time or money is required—it may not be as much as the reader fears.
Distributing flyers to each house or apartment in your neighbourhood will probably take two afternoons.

2. Put the time or money in the context of the benefits they bring.
The additional $152,500 will (1) allow the Open Shelter to remain open 24 rather than 16 hours a day,
(2) pay for three social workers to help men find work and homes, and (3) keep the neighbourhood bank
open, so that men don’t have to cash welfare cheques in bars and can save the $800 they need to have
up front to rent an apartment.

3. Show that money spent now will save money in the long run.
By replacing the boiler now, we’ll no longer have to release steam that the overflow tank can’t hold.
Depending on how severe the winter is, we will save $100 to $750 a year in energy costs. If energy
costs rise, we’ll save even more.

4. Show that doing as you ask will benefit a group or the reader, although the action may not help the
reader directly.
By being a Big Brother or a Big Sister, you’ll give a child the attention he or she needs to become a well-
adjusted, productive adult.

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Unit 2 Composing Business Messages

5. Show the reader that a sacrifice is necessary to achieve a larger, more important goal to which he or
she is committed.
These changes will mean more work for all of us. But we have to cut our costs 25 percent to keep the
plant open and to keep our jobs.

6. Show that the advantages as a group outnumber or outweigh the disadvantages as a group.
None of the locations is perfect. But the Quebec City location is the most accessible to the most
employees.

7. Turn a disadvantage into an opportunity.

With the hiring freeze, every department will need more lead time to complete its own work. By hiring a
freelance worker, the Planning Department could provide that lead time.

LO5 LO8
Finding Common Ground
Finding common ground builds emotional appeal. To find common ground, you need to understand
your audience’s needs. And you need to identify with your audience to help them identify with you.
Finding this common ground is based on a respect for your audience’s position.
People are highly sensitive to manipulative emotional appeals. No matter how much you disagree,
you must respect your audience’s intelligence in order to understand why they believe or do something,
and why they may object to your position. When you can understand your readers’ point of view, you’ll
be more effective. And you won’t alienate your readers by talking down to them.
The best common grounds are specific and focus on something the reader cares about.
Weak common ground We all want the business to be profitable.
Improved common ground We lost about $186,000 in profits last summer due to a 17 percent drop
in productivity.

In your common ground, emphasize the parts of your idea that fit with what your audience already
believes or knows. For example, an employee of 3M wanted to develop laser disks. He realized that 3M’s
previous successful products were thin and flat: Scotch tape, Post-it Notes, magnetic tape. When he
made his presentation to the group
that chose new products for devel-
opment, he held his prototype disk
horizontally, so his audience saw a
flat, thin object rather than a large,
round, record-like object. Making
his project fit with the audience’s
previous experience was a subtle
and effective emotional tool to
make it easier for the audience to
say yes. Establishing common ground: Both picture and text tell a story that makes this
Stories and psychological marketing notecard memorable.
description are also effective ways Source: Courtesy of Communications Connection
to build emotional appeal. Even
when you need to provide statistics or numbers to convince the careful reader that your anecdote is a
representative example, telling a story first makes your message more persuasive. For example, many

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 Module 9 Composing Persuasive Messages

charities send out letters describing how a person’s life has changed because of donors’ generosity. These
stories motivate people to give.
The language you use creates the tone of your request. When you ask for action, you have several
choices. Orders (“Get me the Ervin file”) and questions (“Do we have the third-quarter numbers yet?”)
might work; however, you’ll get better results with courtesy. You may need to be firm, but you must
always be polite.

Expanding a CRITICAL SKILL

Analyzing the Persuasive Factor

Ex. 9.4, 9.6–9.8

Persuasive messages build credibility, engage emotions, use the right tone, and offer a reason to act promptly.
Credibility is the audience’s response to the source of the message. People are more easily persuaded by some-
one they see as expert, powerful, attractive, or trustworthy. When movie stars publically support political, environ-
mental, and/or animal rights causes, for example, the implication is that their attractiveness/fame/wealth makes
them models for the rest of us.
We are also more easily persuaded by people whom we perceive to be like us (similar in class, values, and age)
and by those who are articulate, confident, and likeable.
When you don’t yet have the credibility that comes from being an expert or being powerful, build credibility by the
language and strategy you use.
• Be factual. Use concrete language, supportive statistics, and exact dollar or time requirements. Don’t exaggerate.
• Be specific. If you say “X is better,” detail how it is better. Show the reader exactly where the savings or other
benefits come from so that it’s clear that the proposal really is as good as you say it is.
• Be reliable. If you suspect that a project will take longer to complete, cost more money, or be less effective than
you originally thought, tell your audience immediately. Negotiate a new schedule that you can meet.
People make decisions—even business decisions—emotionally as well as logically. Emotional appeals, including the
organizational patterns you use and the stories you tell, encourage readers to do what you ask.

Avoiding messages that sound parental or preachy is a matter of tone. Saying please is important,
especially to people on your level or outside the organization. Tone works better when you give reasons
for your request.
Parental Everyone is expected to comply with these regulations. I’m sure you can see that
they are common-sense rules needed for our business.
Better Even on casual days, visitors expect us to look professional. So please let’s leave
the gym clothes at home.

Writing to superiors is trickier. You may want to tone down your request by using language that
shows you aren’t taking a yes for granted.
Arrogant Based on this evidence, I expect you to give me a new smartphone.
Better If department funds permit, I would like a new smartphone.

Give a reason to act promptly, because the longer people delay the less likely they are to carry
through. Request action by a specific date. Always give people at least a week or two; they have other
things to do besides respond to your requests.
Set deadlines in the middle of the month, if possible. If you say, “Please return this by March 1,”
people will think, “I don’t need to do this until March.” Ask for the response by February 15 instead.

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Unit 2 Composing Business Messages

Show why you need a quick response.

• Show that the time limit is real. Perhaps you need information
quickly to use in a report that has a due date. Perhaps a deci-
sion must be made by a certain date to catch the start of the
school year, the holiday selling season, or an election campaign.
Perhaps you need to be ready for a visit from out-of-town or

Raymond Chau Photography

international colleagues.
• Show that acting now will save time or money. If business is
slow and your industry isn’t doing well, your company needs to
act now (to economize, to better serve customers) in order to be
competitive. If business is booming and everyone is making a
profit, then your company needs to act now to get its fair share
of the available profits. To help pay his way through UBC, Brian
Scudamore persuaded people to pay him
• Show the cost of delaying action. Will labour or material costs to junk their junk. The CEO and founder of
1-800-GOT-JUNK? began an industry and
be higher in the future? Will delay mean more money spent on
now runs an international franchise worth
repairing something that will still need to be replaced? millions.

LO7
What’s the Best Subject Line for a
Persuasive Message?
For direct requests, use the request, the topic, or a question. For indirect requests, use a
topic-related subject line or a reader benefit.
Ex. 9.4–9.10

In a direct request, put the request, the topic of the request, or a question in the subject line.
Direct request subject line Subject: Request for Updated Software
My copy of HomeNet does not accept the aliases for Magnus accounts.
Direct request subject line Subject: Status of Account #3548-003
Please send me the following information about account #3548-003.
Direct request subject line Subject: Additional Training Session in October
The two training sessions scheduled for October will accommodate 40
people. Last month, you said that 57 new staff accountants had been
hired. Should we schedule an additional training session in October?
Or can the new hires wait until the next regularly scheduled session in
February?

When you have a reluctant reader, putting the request in the subject line might elicit a no before your
audience even reads your argument.
Depending on the reader resistance you anticipate, you can use a subject line that presents the topic
neutrally. In the following examples, the first is the most neutral. The remaining two increasingly reveal
the writer’s preference.
Directed subject line Subject: A Review of Our Social Media Usage
Directed subject line Subject: Why We Need a Social Media Policy
Directed subject line Subject: Why We Should Focus Our Social Media Presence

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 Module 9 Composing Persuasive Messages

Another option is to appeal to common ground or present a reader benefit—something that shows
readers that this message will help them.
Reader benefit subject line Subject: Reducing Energy Costs in the Office
Energy costs in our office have risen 12 percent in the past three
years, although the cost of gas has risen only 8 percent and the cost of
electricity has risen only 5 percent.

Although your first paragraph may be negative in a problem-solving message, your subject line
should suggest that you are solving a problem, not just reporting one.

LO4
How Can PAIBOC Help Me Write
LO6
Persuasive Messages?
PAIBOC analysis helps you identify the content and organization of your message.
Before you tackle the assignments for this module, examine the following problem. As in Modules 7 and
8, the PAIBOC questions probe the basic points required for a solution.
Use the checklists in Figures 9.10 and 9.11 to evaluate your draft.

Problem
You are the national sales manager for AfterMark Automotive, a small, independent company that manu-
factures hydraulic hose systems for the Canada-wide automotive and truck markets. Although AfterMark
operates in a highly competitive market, the company thrives because of its reputation for sustainable
production practices, top-quality products, and excellent customer service.
AfterMark supplies both aftermarket warehouse distributors and larger wholesaler/retailers.
However, the company prefers to establish primary relationships with large warehouse distributors to
which AfterMark ships large inventory orders and one invoice. These warehouse distributors then sell
AfterMark’s products to smaller wholesalers and retailers in their area. This distribution and billing sys-
tem saves AfterMark millions in product shipping and accounting costs. The system also builds excellent
business relationships between the warehouse distributors and the smaller area wholesaler/retailers who
are their customers.
Last week you received this email from a retailer who purchases your products from Rick’s Automotive
Supply—a warehouse distributor who is also one of your area distributors.
Attention: National Sales Mgr

Re: I Am Being Robbed!

By accident one of your sales reps sent along copies of your recent promos with
your price lists, and I see that your prices have no resemblance to Rick’s Automotive
Supply, where I am paying double! For example, you put out a promotion selling your
Ultra-Lock Connection System for $69.99. However, Rick charges $140.00! Wholesale!

Why should I pay 100% mark-up when I can buy directly from you? I spend @
$400,000 annually at Rick’s. I want to buy directly from you, and double my profits, or
in this case, make a profit rather than just break even.

Regards,
Andrej Drago

Drago Auto Parts

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Your warehouse distributors get promotional pricing deals to assist their efforts to attract new cus-
tomers and to sell more AfterMark products. You know they mark up products for their customers, but
100 percent? Now Rick’s has potentially lost a customer, and you may have gained a retail client whose
inventory stocking and billing will add to your sales rep’s workload without appreciable advantage, and
with potentially significant disadvantage once it becomes known that Drago Auto Parts is now a direct
customer. What happens to your relationship with Rick’s, and what happens if and when other area retail-
ers learn about Drago Auto Parts’ direct-ship relationship with you?
Before you respond to Andrej you must message Rick. Using PAIBOC analysis and the checklists in
Figures 9.9 and 9.10, create the message. (Note: this exercise continues in Problem 9.5 in the end-of-mod-
ule assignments.)

FIGURE 9.9

PAIBOC Analysis of the Problem

P What are your purposes in writing or speaking?

A Who is your audience? How do members of your audience differ? What audience characteristics are relevant to this
particular message?

I What information must your message include?

B What reasons or reader benefits can you use to support your position?

O What objections can you expect your readers to have? What negative elements of your message must you de-
emphasize or overcome?

C How will the context affect reader response? Think about your relationship to the reader, the morale in the
organization, the economy, the time of year, and any special circumstances.

FIGURE 9.10

Checklist for Direct Requests

□ Do you expect ready agreement to your request?
□ If the message is a memo, does the subject line indicate the request?
□ Is the subject line specific enough to differentiate this message from others on the same subject?
□ Does the first paragraph summarize the request or the specific topic of the message?
□ Does the message give all the relevant information? Is there enough detail?
□ Does the message answer questions or overcome objections that readers may have without introducing unnecessary negatives?
□ Does the last paragraph ask for action? Does it give a deadline if one exists and a reason for acting promptly?

Checklist for All Messages, Not Just Direct Requests

□ Does the message use you-attitude and positive emphasis?
□ Is the style easy to read and friendly?
□ Is the visual design of the message inviting?
□ Is the format correct?
□ Does the message use standard grammar? Is it free of typos?

Add Originality to a Direct Request

□ Provide good lists and visual impact.
□ Think about readers and give details that answer their questions, overcome any objections, and make it easier for them to do
as you ask.
□ Add details that show you’re thinking of a specific organization and the specific people in that organization.

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FIGURE 9.11

Checklist for Indirect Persuasive Messages

□ Do you anticipate audience resistance to your message?
□ What objections will your audience have?
□ If the message is a memo, does the subject line indicate the writer’s purpose or offer a reader benefit? Does the subject line
avoid making the request?
□ Is the problem presented as a joint problem both writer and reader have an interest in solving, rather than as something the
reader is being asked to do for the writer?
□ Does the message give all the relevant information? Is there enough detail?
□ Does the message overcome objections that readers may have?
□ Does the message avoid phrases that sound dictatorial, condescending, or arrogant?
□ Does the last paragraph ask for action? Does it give a deadline if one exists and a reason for acting promptly?

Checklist for All Messages, Not Just Persuasive Ones

□ Does the message use you-attitude and positive emphasis?
□ Is the style easy to read and friendly?
□ Is the visual design of the message inviting?
□ Is the format correct?
□ Does the message use standard grammar? Is it free of typos?

Add Originality to a Problem-Solving Persuasive Message

□ Use a good subject line and common ground.
□ Include a clear and convincing description of the problem.
□ Be sure the content reflects readers’ interests, gives details that answer their questions, overcomes objections, and makes it
easier for them to do as you ask.
□ Include details that show you’re thinking of a specific organization and the specific people in that organization.

MODULE SUMMARY
• All successful communication contains an element of persuasion: you can only get what you
need and want when you recognize and try to meet your audience’s needs and wants.
• Use PAIBOC analysis when considering how to organize your messages for best results.
• The direct approach works well when you anticipate that your audience has positive or neu-
tral feelings about you and/or your message.
• The indirect, problem-solving approach works best when you anticipate your audience will be
resistant to you and/or the message.
• People have a vested interest in something if they benefit directly from keeping things as
they are.
• Analyze your audience members to understand their positions better and establish common
ground.
• To counter objections, use sound logical and emotional appeals.
• Give a deadline to encourage readers to act promptly. Show that the time limit is real and that
acting now will save time or money.

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ASSIGNMENTS FOR MODULE 9

Questions for Critical Thinking

9.1 What idea or behaviour do you have a vested interest in? What is the vested interest?

9.2 Why is a request for a letter of reference a persuasive request? When would you use the indi-
rect pattern to ask? Identify two possible objections a teacher might have when asked to write
you a reference letter. How would you respond to overcome these objections?

9.3 Choose a discourse community (Module 2) of which you are a member. Based on your expe-
riences and observations, conversations with other members of this community, and media
advertising, what specific logical and emotional appeals would persuade people in this dis-
course community? Why?

9.4 What specific persuasive appeals do infomercials make? Choose an example of an infomer-
cial and identify the persuasion tactics. What story does the infomercial tell?

Exercises and Problems

9.5 Writing Persuasive Messages
Collaborate with two peers on your message to Rick. Together, create one “best” solution.
1. What medium will you use to deliver this message? Why?
2. Write a blog to your instructor and fellow students explaining your choice of content,
organization, and medium for your message to Rick.

As your instructor directs

Assume that your message to Rick is successful. Now create a persuasive message for Andrej.
• What media will you use for this message? Why?
• Write a blog to your instructor and fellow students, include your messages to Rick and
Andrej, and explain your choice of content, organization, and medium or media.

9.6 Analyzing a Message for Persuasive Quotient

Organizational change requires a variety of media to (1) alert customers to new policies/
procedures, and (2) engender positive attitudes towards the change. Recent examples include
Canada Post’s media campaign about the new community mailbox delivery system and
Costco’s hard-copy letters concerning its new payment options.
1. Find a hard-copy notification of an organizational change. Using PAIBOC analysis, iden-
tify the letter’s persuasive quotient, based on the following criteria.
a. How trustworthy or credible is the source of the message?
b. How does the message attempt to establish that credibility?
c. What is the message’s organizational pattern? Why?
d. What logical appeals does the message contain?
e. What emotional appeals does the message contain?

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2. Next, visit the organization’s website. Use PAIBOC analysis to identify the site’s pur-
pose(s) and audience.
3. Analyze the website’s persuasive quotient based on the criteria listed above.
4. Email your instructor with a summary of your findings.
Considering your analysis of each medium’s purpose and audience, answer the follow-
ing questions.
a. How persuasive did you find the letter, and how could it be improved?
b. How persuasive did you find the website, and how could it be improved?
c. Which medium did you find more persuasive, and why?

9.7 Analyzing a Persuasive Personality

ABC is basing a sitcom on Chris Hadfield’s 2013 memoir, An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on
Earth.1 Watch Hadfield’s cover of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” at [Link]/
watch?v=apemYk2oz7M. Then find two additional social media posts or media articles on or
by Hadfield.
Write an email to your instructor explaining
1. How Hadfield uses media effectively
2. What persuasion techniques Hadfield uses
3. What Hadfield is selling
Use specific content from your sources to prove your ideas.

9.8 Analyzing Political Information

Propaganda is political persuasion, although some would claim that all persuasion is political.
Visit The Interpreter at [Link]/ and read the About content. Then read a
recent post that interests you.
Now visit [Link]/, which claims to be non-partisan and independent, and read a
recent article/post that interests you.
Write your instructor an email including the URLs and titles of the two articles you chose. In
your email, describe the content you found persuasive in each article. Explain why you found
the content persuasive.

9.9 Revising a Form Memo

You’ve been hired as communications director of a small not-for-profit organization. One of
your responsibilities is reviewing internal communications. Going through the files, you find
this boilerplate email.
Subject: Reimbursements
Enclosed a list of expense claims for which we found no receipts. Please be advised Accounting
issues reimbursement cheques only with full documentation. You cannot be reimbursed until you
give us a receipt for each item for which you desire reimbursement. We must ask that you provide
this information. This process may be easier if you use the Expense Report Form, attached.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
You know this is not a persuasive message. Using PAIBOC analysis
a. Create a new message to ensure that people provide all the documentation needed for
them to be reimbursed.

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b. Identify the ideal medium to deliver this message.

c. Send your instructor an email with your revised message and choice of medium/media.
In the last paragraph of your email, explain your choices of content, organizational
method, and medium.

9.10 Recommending a Co-worker for a Bonus or Award

Recommend someone at your workplace for a bonus or award. The award can be something
bestowed by the organization itself (Employee of the Month, Dealership of the Year, and so
forth), or it can be a community or campus award (Business Person of the Year, Volunteer of
the Year, Order of Canada, an honorary degree, and so forth).
As your instructor directs
a. Create a document or presentation to achieve the goal.
b. Write an email to your instructor describing the situation at your workplace and explain-
ing your rhetorical choices (medium, strategy, tone, wording, organization, graphics or
document design, and so forth).

Polishing your Prose

Correcting Run-On Sentences

A sentence with too many ideas, strung together by coordinating conjunctions that lack the required comma, is a
run-on. (Remember that you need to use a comma before coordinating conjunctions such as and, or, for, yet, and but
when they connect independent clauses.)
Although most run-on sentences are long, length is not the real problem. Don’t confuse run-ons with grammatically
correct long sentences in which the ideas are clear to readers. Run-ons confound readers, because there are too
many ideas competing for attention and because the missing commas make the ideas harder to follow. The effect
is similar to listening to a speaker who does not pause between sentences. Where does one point end and another
begin?
Test for run-ons by looking for more than two main ideas in a sentence and a lack of commas with coordinating
conjunctions.
We installed the new computers this morning and they are running fine but there aren’t
enough computers for everyone so we are going to purchase more on Wednesday and we
will install them and then the department will be fully operational.

Count the number of things going on in this sentence. Where are the commas?
Fix a run-on in one of three ways.
1. For short run-ons, add the missing commas.
Incorrect The purchasing department sent order forms but we received too few so we are requesting
more.
Correct The purchasing department sent order forms, but we received too few so we are requesting
more.

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2. Rewrite the sentence using subordination.

Correct Because we received too few order forms, we are requesting more from the purchasing
department.
3. For longer run-ons, break the run-on into two or more sentences, add missing commas, and subordinate
where appropriate.
Correct We installed the new computers this morning. They are running fine, but because there
aren’t enough computers for everyone, we are going to purchase more on Wednesday. We
will install them, and then the department will be fully operational.

Exercises
Fix any run-on errors in the following.
1. In England when riding the subway I see people on their cell phones a lot, but at restaurants they tend to
be put away and I rarely see people with their phones when they’re sitting out on the front patios of pubs
having a drink and people go out in public a lot more, so maybe the fact of having a real social life means
they don’t need to be obsessed with their virtual ones.
2. Apparently Canadians are more attached to their smartphones than any other nation globally because
people of other cultures—like Europeans and Middle Easterners—spend their time actively socializing with
each other.
3. The marketing department ordered new brochures that are really nice and the brochures are in four colours.
4. All expense accounts should be itemized based on type and cost so remember to include the appropriate
shipping confirmation number.
5. Work into your schedule some time to meet next week and we can talk about your promotion so you can
transition easily into the new job.
6. We will take a final product inventory on December 1 and managers will report any lost stock so employees
should make sure any broken items are reported and managers should record this information in their
computer databases.
7. Employees may request benefits changes during the annual enrolment period and supervisors should pass
out the required forms and employees should have them completed by the deadline on the form.
8. Ian leaves his computer on overnight but Aaron turns his off and Marilyn leaves hers on, too, and so does
Tashi.
9. Mohammed should make sure he specifies 50-lb. rather than 40-lb. paper stock and Jenna should call the
print shop and ask them whether they need anything and Bruce needs to tell Ms. Winans we appreciate her
letting us know we originally ordered the wrong stock.
10. The Halifax office is planning a new marketing campaign so the St. John’s office will help with the promotion
but the Fredericton office is coordinating the product show.
11. A few customers are concerned about the shipping date but the mailroom is sure we can ship overnight and
I think there’s no reason to be concerned.
12. Last week I went to Montreal and Haj went to Miami and this week Tony took a trip too so our travel budget
is almost gone.
Check your answers to the odd-numbered exercises in the Answer Key.

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